I found an extra phone in my house and my husband was searching adult videos: Advice?

I recently found searches on an extra phone in our house. My husband has been searching and watching adult content. I know many women are okay with this, and I wish I was confident in myself not to be hurt by these things. I’m upset mostly because I’m six months postpartum. I went from 200lbs to 260. I lost 70lbs before the baby and was so confident. Now I feel so disgusted with myself. I’ve been working out and eating better for about a month, but now I’m just so discouraged. I feel so undesirable and feel like he is not pleased with me. I feel embarrassed. I’m hurt but going to use this as more motivation.

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Don’t lose confidence. It’s your husband who has the problem. First he is not respecting you, by his behaviour .Secondly, why would he need a second phone ? Weight loss after pregnancy is not a quick fix,but you have done well so far. Keep on doing what you have been. It sounds like your husband is rather immature.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I found an extra phone in my house and my husband was searching adult videos: Advice? - Mamas Uncut

Dont be discouraged . Just stay on track on your journey. If this is something that really is bothering you sit him down and explain to him your concerns. Watching porn doesnt necessarily mean hes a bad guy or that he doesnt want you . Explain to him your feelings but try not to sound judgemental about this he may be ashamed and embarrassed.

Don’t be angry with yourself or blame yourself. I’m not OK with it either and im super confident. Some of us just crave a deeper connection that doesn’t involve outside influence. Don’t apologize for it. Make your feelings known and if they aren’t recognized or appreciated, move on. It’s as simple and as hard as that.

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An extra phone?? Did u know about the phone or it’s a random phone that doesn’t belong there? Cuz that might b a whole issue on it’s own sadly. U had a baby, weight gain is expected but don’t beat urself up over it. Ur eating n working out so it obvi putting in that effort. If he can’t appreciate that,then maybe u need a REAL man instead. I’m sorry sis, I hope it gets better :two_hearts:

I would not b ok with that at all…it is disrespectful…he has u…y does he need that shit ???

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I found an extra phone in my house and my husband was searching adult videos: Advice? - Mamas Uncut

I would talk to him about how you are feeling. I know how it feels to feel undesirable but my husband always makes me feel better about myself. Especially after we had our first child and I gained a ridiculous amount of weight. Talking to him and letting him know how I felt helped both of us. I haven’t lost the weight I gained during pregnancy either, we are about to have our last child and then I plan to start losing the weight and getting back to my weight before my first pregnancy. Your husband may not be able to tell how you feel, I have to be very blunt with mine. Unless I’m crying he doesn’t know when I’m actually upset or feeling off. I have to tell him or he can’t help me. So I say talk to him about it, in regards to the adult content most men look at it but as a quick fix. Maybe ask him if there are new things he wants to try with you, it’s always nice to spice things up a bit. Especially after having a baby, when a lot of our attention goes to the baby and not our spouse.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I found an extra phone in my house and my husband was searching adult videos: Advice? - Mamas Uncut

I think that porn has a lot less to do with who you are or what you look like. It’s anonymous sex without having to care about the other person and how they feel or what they need because it’s “just a video” that they’re watching. That’s their justification. It’s their way of having an affair but saying that they never have. It’s a betrayal of the most intimate sort. I’ve been in your position but I didn’t find out that it was porn that was “the other woman” until after we had divorced. You are valuable. Don’t believe the lie that “if only” you were doing more / something different then this wouldn’t be happening. You’re valuable and precious regardless.

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How old is he? Younger men have been know to do this. Years ago before the internet they called the 1-800 numbers. Stop feeling uncomfortable with your weight he married you because he loved you. Maybe fill some of those fantasies of his and a few of yours. He’s your husband I bet he doesn’t even see your insecurities when he looks at you only a beautiful woman . I read a meme that said keep the fights clean and the sex dirty. Don’t take it as your not enough I haven’t met a man yet that wouldn’t look at that stuff just some hide it better than others…prayers…also I’ve been married 24 yrs and don’t never let anyone tell you it should come easy. Marriage is hard work!! If like most men and you confront him he will probably blow up from embarrassment . So be ready for that. I’m not saying I’m right that’s just my opinion.

It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. You shouldn’t have to “earn” your right to be his ONLY sexual experience/partner by how you look. That’s not love. It’s equally as painful as an affair. It’s a desire for other women that he’s acting on. Give him the opportunity to quit it by telling him how you feel about it. He may be unaware (though I doubt it because he’s hiding it). After that, if he doesn’t stop, you might need to look into other options. You deserve better.

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It doesn’t matter of you’re 100 pounds thinner or heavier…The porn most likely started when the sex stopped… Science has proven the more porn someone watches the harder they are to please. Why? Because they develop a sensation of never being satisfied and always wanting something new… That “new” triggers dopamine like a drug… This has to do with “him”… Not you.

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Porn is a addiction. That must come from him, and his wanting ness to stop the behavior. Hate to say this, but not a easy one to fix… Honestly, I’d focus on getting myself healthy for YOU, and happy… Happiness is found within yourself… Just a opinion .

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I agree with 1 statement here porn is an addiction! They don’t express it because they don’t believe it! I also agree with working on urself get ur confidence back watch some porn learn some freaky things and put it on him ! I know how ur feeling you got this

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Get naked, lay in bed holding the phone when he comes through the door ask him if he likes porn. Watch it with him get your freak on sex is one hell of a great exercise routine. Everyone has a kinky side.
It doesn’t make him sick or doesn’t mean he has an addiction, he’s just looking for some kind of adventure. Light some candles and don’t feel bad or naughty, just go with it😉 and for God sakes have fun and smile know you are beautiful inside and out. P.s make it known he can watch it just not without you. Express your feelings that you don’t feel comfortable with him going behind your back let him know he needs to include you.

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Obviously he’s sexual needs aren’t getting met. There is nothing wrong with porn, men are men. It’s normal but not harmful unless you allow it to be. But it’s obvious your sex department has great lack and needs to be spoken about and relight the spark :zap: somehow but having self confidence in yourself and building that passion for you. :slightly_smiling_face:

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You have an immature husband, who is not respecting you. It does not matter if you los/gain weight, that is not the issue. I agree with Claire Oconnell that a second phone is a red flag. Your best plan is to concentrate on yourself and find a weight that YOU are comfortable with.As a male,I am alarmed that your husband is using a second phone,porn may be one reason, but thee are other possible reasons as well ! Challenge him and see what his "explanation "is .

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I found an extra phone in my house and my husband was searching adult videos: Advice? - Mamas Uncut

Search adult videos on your own and let him find them and see how he feels.

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Talk to him. Let him know how you feel about what you found. I’m in no way saying he is justified, however communication between 2 ppl, especially in a relationship, is the key to healing, understanding each other, and coming up with a compromise that will make for a healthier relationship.

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Sit down with him and calmly tell him that you found the extra phone and that you are aware of the content that hes been looking at… Ask him if there is a reason he is looking at such content and explain to him how it makes you feel… Let him know that you are trying to do better.

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Are you giving him everything he needs & wants?

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Just love yourself a little. You just had a baby. Only freaks of nature bounce back pre baby instantly.

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I don’t see any issue with the searches but the secret phone would throw all kinds of red flags for me. Definitely have a chat and get his thoughts

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Leave your phone or laptop on with videos of hot muscled up men and let your husband know you wish he could look like that. See how he feels.

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An extra phone… that’s a new one… these guys man… I can’t even… :pensive:

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a person watching adult content is doing the same thing as IF they slept with a W hore, it is wrong

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You are very early post baby…give yourself time and enjoy that new baby…when that baby is up and going trust me your weight will fall off…they keep you on your toes❤️The porn wouldn’t be my concern the having a second phone is what I would put in question…just my opinion…Best of luck❤️

Sit down and have an open, honest conversation with him about how it makes you feel.

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I’d be watching what he was watching to see wtf I ain’t doing that he likes. I’d be using it for education to know him more but I get the whole baby weight, girl you a damn Queen who just gave birth to a whole new human being. What did he do? Bugger all. You ride that man and show him what a damn Queen you are, like your life depends on it and then sleep like you just haven’t blew his mind lol he’ll change his mind

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Don’t knock it until you try it hon!!! Never know might turn something on in you too or give ya a good laugh!!! Sex is great exercise and orgasm release feel good endorphins-that can lift us up!!!

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Pornography is a drug that turns addictive , its not anything you did or didn’t do that is causing this , if you believe in God know that this is the number one problem in the world right now between married couples. Figure out when and what times he is doing this and make those times you’re available. But I would confront him and let him know how it made you feel, sometimes a letter is better if you feel u will be too angry or u feel he will argue.

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I went through that and communication what a joke that is. Men who do this feel so entitled to do it. Stop beating yourself up and be good to yourself and take care of your baby. I don’t want to suggest the obvious, that is your decision to make, be strong and good luck.

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The “extra” phone is the real problem.

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Its ok. Our society has normalized it but it shouldn’t be its cheating and disrespectful.

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Have sex with him? If you are this self conscious you are likely not being as intimate with him, which could make him feel unwanted. Men have feelings too, and needs. Make him feel good about himself & show him some love. If it continues, ask him about it. What’s a marriage if you don’t communicate??

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I really don’t understand when women get so upset when their man watches porn… They are videos… Would you rather him go find the real deal? To me its just completely unreasonable to expect him not to. Just setting yourself up to have some hurt feelings imo.

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I have vague memories of feeling like that. Fatter than ever before, struggling with depression, new parenting and feeling like I was stuck in a dead end relationship where he just didn’t care and resented the baby for existing. If I could have that time again I’d tell myself to listen to how I was feeling. Porn is weird… if you’re in a good relationship or single it can feel like it’s no big deal. If you’re in a struggling relationship it can feel like everything is a comparison and then you feel like you’re losing each time. But honestly I think the second phone is the bigger flag. You don’t get a second phone just to watch porn. You get that to communicate with someone secretly. This is my spidey sense based on my lifetime so could be way off… but my gut feeling is that is the behaviour of a cheating man.

I think its in your head.
Its totally normal for a man to watch porn.

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It’s the extra phone for me… but otherwise, I’d be watching with him lol

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It happened to me, it does bring your selfsteem low!! Cheer up , talk to him and let him know how that makes you feel. Believe me he will listen.

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Nothing wrong with a bit of porn, men and women watch it

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Stop being hard on yourself. Talk to him. Communication is key.

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The extra phone he is hiding would have pissed me off because he could be hiding alot more … For the porn I would watch that with him and while watching teach him a thing or two to do with me … And stop beating yourself up , guys watch porn , better then him cheating with someone else … Js

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Were you skinny when you met if not he loved you for you.

You have to find a way to be happy with you no matter what you weigh. A man would rather be around a thick girl that is happy and confident than a skinny girl that is sad and insecure. Seriously. Learn to love yourself. If that means you losing weight, then do it. But do it for you, not for him. Not to make him happy. Do it to make you happy.

Happy Wife, Happy Life.

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Well make your sex life a lil fun spice it up within marriage boundaries​:joy::joy: don’t be a boring wife​:blush: be creative​:sweat_smile: if you don’t then he’ll search elsewhere​:heart::raised_hands::joy:

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*secret phone
Him watching porn is absolutely nothing to do with how attractive you are. I guarantee you, even the partners of super models watch porn.
Keep doing what you are doing to make yourself feel better by all means, but do it for you, no one else.
The sneakiness of having a secret phone is the concern here in my opinion. Talk to your husband about that.

Maybe you should consider watching it together spice up things a little sex exercise the best talk to him not argue let him know you found the phone and how you feel and if he would like to watch it together if not then there is a big problem sometimes we have to come out our comfort zone to try new things you never know you might like it and could a few things also hope things works out in your favor all the best

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im not okay with this shit either . so much of it is rapey & brutal & women go through that enough . i dont want that shit where my kids could accidentally find it either . people are fckn assholes & will mock you because they cant see the problems & issues . thats not your problem . fuck whatever unhelpful foolery you hear . this is your relationship , & you deserve to feel loved & cared for in it . especially after you just gave life to this world . if he cant jack off without porn he needs to exercise his imagination . try couples therapy for sure

Everyone skipping over the part about the phone being an extra phone😦 the porn thing is something you have to work out between you. Why does he have an extra phone to start with?

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I would be much more concerned about an entire extra phone then I would be about my man watching porn lol

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Girl if he has an EXTRA PHONE that he was hiding from you he’s hiding a lot more than just porn

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Could it possibly be that he uses it because you are exhausted from a new baby and he doesnt want to add pressure for sex to you? I know after my 2 youngest were born i was exhausted and the thought of sex was the furthest thing from my mind…my husband watched porn because i would get offended if he tried for sex when i was sooo tired…

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I found an extra phone in my house and my husband was searching adult videos: Advice? - Mamas Uncut

What else is he using that burner phone for?

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Talk to him about it. Boys will be boys.

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Talk to him about how it makes you feel,

… you found an extra phone?
Like forget the porn. There was a whole other phone in the house and that’s not the main issue?

Have you talked to him about it?

I do not tolerate it. Your boundaries and deal breakers are yours and are valid. He was incredibly disrespectful and he hid things. Not ok.

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What is that extra phone for? Can’t only be porn!!!

Porn addiction is a problem and one you can’t get over like being an alcoholic. He needs help and asap. No excuses from him.

Sending you hugs mama🤍 your feelings are valid and should be respected

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Porn is porn but I respect your decision to be upset about it. Just have a conversation, a calm conversation about how it made you feel.

It’s not even the porn… its the having an extra phone for me… why??? And hiding it… that’s just fishy itself.

Id be more worried about the extra phone (hidden phone) then the porn…( not that im saying that isnt a big deal especially if its a boundary for you)

I hate to be a negative Nancy but… if he had a secret phone to watch stuff like this and was going through the trouble of hiding it, it makes me wonder what else he has or had been using it for. I am very overweight and have been struggling trying to lose after 2 back to back pregnancies and now a little over 2 years later I’m almost 18 weeks pregnant with my 3rd and last and trust me I know what you mean by feeling bad about yourself and undesirable because I battle with that too. Good vibes going to you mama.

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Id be wondering what else that phones for. You can easily use you phone, or anything with a browser for that matter, and delete history, or just use an incognito tab.

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That’s A burner phone. Hide it make like he lost it and see if anyone texts or calls him

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How would he feel if you watched porn without him? Give it a try for yourself! There is🔥porn just for the ladies .

If he’s just hiding porn and not secret convos or real woman I wouldn’t be mad I used to get so upset over it but now it’s really just natural I would rather him get off to a video then a new woman .

YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALIDATED, don’t let any MF tell you otherwise. You’re beautiful even if the POS n these people wanna say otherwise

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If your not okay with it then you should talk to him. I wouldn’t be mean about it though unless he continues to watch it even after you set a boundary… I personally watch por n sometimes and so does my fiancé. Not a big deal to me. We are all different though and you SO should respect your feelings.

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First, I wouldn’t say or act like I knew about it, and I’d keep it for a couple days and see who texts or calls it. That should tell you everything you need to know. I don’t personally see someone having a whole other phone just to sneak and watch porn, but that’s just my opinion.
We’re all our own worst enemies- don’t beat yourself up, work on you for YOU and you only.

Definitely not ok! I would ask him if he’s ok with u doing the exact same thing and hiding an extra phone etc! Relationships last on trust not hiding things that would hurt your partner. I went through this with my husband and it started out with that then he actually cheated on me! It won’t get better without you guys talking it through and him changing if it affects you.

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No idea why women are so worried about this!!! Who cares if he is watching porn! It ain’t a big deal… maybe ask him to watch it together and get some excitement in your sex life if you’re feeling like it’s in a rut

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I was taught, how you get them is how you keep them. Was you that large when you met or did you put on weight over the years. Sadly he may not be attracted to you anymore and that for better and for worse doesn’t work for e everyone. I personally would not want my man to get out of shape because I am not attracted to that.

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I mean, I get it and I would be hurt as well. Especially, if I don’t align to what he’s watching. But, I don’t think your weight is a factor. You weren’t small (from what you say) when you got with him and lost weight before the pregnancy. Just talk to him about it.

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She didn’t say she found a hidden phone. She said an extra phone in the house. I have 2 extras in mine. That’s not uncommon. If she’s feeling insecure they may not be having sex and he’s watching the videos to please himself. Does not mean he’s cheating. Why do you ladies immediately say the guy is cheating?

I’m(was) svelte & had this happen. I called him on it. There’s no discussion. Not interested in why. Stop or I leave. I meant it. He stopped. Don’t ever give an ultimatum you’re not willing to fulfill. I was disgusted, left, and got on a bug silver bird & flew away. Gone 2 weeks & did not miss him for 1 second. He couldn’t stand it. Never happened again.

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I see your 6 months post partum. In my personal experience I was too like this. Gained so much weight and still struggling to get it off. Every little thing bothered me and yes my husband watching porn upset me so much. It wasnt until someone pointed it out to me that it may be post partum depression even in my case 5 months later. So please just be careful. Your feelings are valid jus make sure it’s not a depression because mine almost took my life.

Hes not using that phone just for porn. Use it as motivation sure but for the both of you. You to better your mental health and body image for YOU. And him to either respect your boundaries or GTFO. In no way should he slide on having a burner phone hidden from you for porn AND whatever else he was doing on it. 100% not okay.

I can’t say much I’m the one sneak and watch porn lmao only when he sleep but he should love u no matter what shape or size you’ are that’s what a husband does loves his wife unconditionally that’s why I’m scared to get married now or even get engaged

Talk to him. Lose weight for you

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Should I got with my husband when I was 15 I don’t know of him doing anything such a thing then I just went with my daughter’s dad a few months after I divorced then I was running around a little bit 18-year-old you know then when I was 20 I ended up with a man who was 50 I was with him 10 years he didn’t need to look up anything because he lights heaven parties with certain people left him after my daughter confessed that he had been molesting her so then I got with someone else married them left in 2010 found out that why my daughter had been accusing him of doing something to her it was the truth and we heard it from his own mouth but he had passed two lie detector test so since 2010 I got divorced 2011 and ever since then all the guys I’m 49 now 2 years ago I was engaged to a 33-year-old 32-year-old which we broke up I’ve had another person of interest turns out they were only 30 and I myself always thought that I was either too fat or too ugly for anyone to want me but having him by my side and him 33 engaged made me feel a whole lot better my kids didn’t cause me to gain weight cuz I was skinny as heck come up till I started hitting my thirties and then the weight just started coming on and coming on and a couple of years ago I lost weight I had a very tragic thing happened in my life and I quit eating I weighed 270 I went down 10 lb a week real fast only eaten twice a week maybe I get down to 224 I went for months not eating other than some little something every now and then and then one day I started getting my appetite back but it was for stuff that I shouldn’t have been eating such as ice cream stuff like that now I feel worse than ever because the last time I went to the doctor I had done gained up to 329 lb and now I’m just sort of being eaten I can’t stop again but basically I am in a house out in the country by myself no car have to wait for someone to come and get me so all I have is time to sit around and eat but you should never feel like you’re not wanted because that made me feel so wanted when all these guys it was 20-30 years old and I’m 40 I wonder what’s wrong with me I never let it bother me if they want to look at adult sites that’s their prerogative but don’t say nothing if you do it yourself if it’s good enough for the man to do it’s certainly good enough for the woman to do I just myself would not really look into it that hard because it ain’t like he could be with these people their pornstars my daughter wasn’t jealous of porn stars she was jealous of any movie that had a woman in it he was not allowed to watch and it’s not sexual any movie at all ever had a girl in it he cannot watch finally she growed up I think but how you feel does matter and if you can’t let it go then just talk to him about it sometimes when you look real hard into something though you find out something you don’t want to know you never wanted to know but just talk about it with him

Talk to him. Communicate on how it made you feel. Let him know you are okay with it but, you want him to be open and not hide it as it hurts worse.

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Are you declining sex or are you initiating it ? It literally could be nothing to do with your weight. What type of porn is he in to ? Is he watching stuff your not into ? Fetishes and stuff coz there is some stuff a guy is in to but way to embarrassed to ask his wife to partake in :man_shrugging:

Oh and by the way I’m adding this to my other part that I put on here in my eyes till I was like almost 40 I thought all guys wanted was blonde hair blue-eyed skinny girls and then I was with several people and they got it through my head that they would much rather have a woman with meat on her than one who doesn’t that just freaked me out cuz I always thought the opposite

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I have questions! Was this other phone an active phone or was this like an old phone that’s been laying in a drawer since someone upgraded their phone? If it’s just an old phone laying around that he’s been using, then be an adult and sit down with him, ask him about it and explain to him how you feel. If he loves you, he will understand and the two of you will come to a compromise. If the phone is NOT just an old one and has active service on it, I think you have a bigger problem that needs to be addressed. As for your weight and your feelings towards yourself, love yourself. Life, age, children… it all affects us and in turn our bodies, including our weight. If you’re working out and eating healthy, make sure that you’re doing it for you because if he loves you, he loves you regardless!

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Girl, find a man that loves you and adores you no matter what your size.

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Communication is key. He can’t know how you feel if you don’t tell him. Sit down and have a conversation about the phone usage problem and how it makes/made you feel.

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Well clearly he wants you find that phone. If he was smart enough to use a 2nd phone then surely he should be smart to earse history :woman_shrugging:t3::woman_shrugging:t3: just a thought.

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Alll ima say is I’m sorry live no one should ever are u feel this way ever I hope u fix the issue

Don’t be discouraged because of him watching porn, kids can greatly disrupt your sex life, so maybe it’s not about seeing other women if that’s why it hurt your feelings, could just be his normal sex drive and he needs a release. Just keep getting better and staying healthy for yourself

I guess I’m the only one that doesn’t see an issue. I think you’re insecure from the weight gain and jumping to conclusions about him not finding you attractive anymore. Some ppl just like porn. Not a big deal but that’s my opinion.

I tell my boyfriend, you wanna look at women on the internet then I will become a woman on the internet and you can watch me :kissing_heart:

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I’m an older woman who has always struggled with my weight. At 47 I have realized that we age, our metabolism slows, our boobs droop, skin sags, etc. I do try to eat right and exercise. Be happy, live life, watch the porn with him, be sexy, ravish him. Take this life of yours and live it.