I found my little sister on facebook and want to contact her: Advice?

Parents first, if it goes bad or they block you for no reason contact her when she turns 18

#admin y’all posted this up twice…

And as I said on your previous post

She’s a minor. If you really want to talk to her you need to contact her adoptive parents first. DONT GO TO YOUR SISTER UNTIL YOU HAVE DISCUSSED IT WITH HER PARENTS FIRST! I’m adopted. While my parents are cool with the hole adoption thing and we’re open and honest about it with me and my siblings, hers may not be. She may not even know she’s adopted. She may not know you exist. Her parents may not have told her. Telling her can cause so many problems honestly. It isn’t worth it to jump straight to her. Go to her parents and see what they want to do about it. It’s not worth tearing an entire family apart just to end up never talking to her anyway. Go to her adoptive parents please. They can decide if it’s ok or not to contact her and how they will go about it before you say anything at all.

RESPECT WHATEVER DECISION THEY COME TOO ALSO. DO NOT GO AGAINST THEIR WISHES IF THEY DONT WANT YOU TO TALK TO HER. RESPECT THEIR FAMILY AS A SEPARATE UNIT FROM YOUR LIFE.

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Contact her parents and say you found her on social media and are interested in having a relationship. It’s their choice, and if they haven’t had certain discussions with her it may be traumatic to learn this information from you. Sounds like she was probably 4 or 5 when she was adopted but even so. She might not really understand what happened. It’s better for that to come from her parents.

You need to talk to the parents first and if they fall out then you may need to wait till she is 18 to try again but if you don’t go through them it could get ugly.

I would suggest contacting the parents and tell them you wanna have a relationship with her but also suggest meeting them first so they are comfortable with you starting a relationship with her and if they ask you not to contact her don’t but pass them your information so when she is of age and would like to connect they have it to pass on as well

Go through the parents. But get a lil more info by snooping a lil in case they do block you. So you have a way to find her in a few years. Happened to my friend. And her siblings had been looking gor her for yearsssss… She didnt even know she had siblings because her adoptive mother kept running her from family. So now shes 45 and just found out she has siblings

Definitely go through the parents first. Good luck!!

I was adopted I went in search of my biological siblings. By law you have to wait until she’s 18 unless you gain permission from the parents. I’d see if from her page you can’t figure out who they are, and message them first.

She was five when removed so I’m sure she remembers that she was. And just because your mom’s parental rights were taken doesnt mean she was adopted. My mom’s rights were terminated but we were never adopted. My dad still had his rights. We spent 16 years in foster care. I was separated from my siblings and always felt a huge void. Like I wasn’t complete.
If you really would like to reach out then contact her foster parents if you’ve got the info. Make sure the legalities and all that.

Please consider the parents first. I say that due to your post it sounds like it could have been a bit rough being taken from her bio mom. Theres going to be alot of emotions. She will need someone that she is close to to talk about all the emotions so they dont turn Into hate or bad behavior. Good luck god bless and dont ever give up. It might not go smoothly at first but remember she is your sister and it may take time to adjust

Contact the family first. See what they say. Then if they allow it contact her. If they don’t wait until she is 18 then contact. Or you could always go to court.

I would check and see if it’s an open or closed adoption. I would then contact DHS if open adoption to maybe get some visitations scheduled. If closed adoption you will have to wait til 18. I went through this finding my niece.

I would call them and talk to them , tell them you have been looking just not where and you believe they have your little sister. That you don’t want to cause any hurt .but would like to meet her or keep in contact with them if she doesn’t remember you .

Honestly I’d wait til she’s 18 or at least older.

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Either wait til she’s 18, or contact the parents

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So I’ve actually gone through this personally. I was adopted at birth. I found both my birth brothers. One was very excited and the other not so much. I think considering her age I would reach out to the adoptive parents out of respect. Wishing you all the best and sending you the biggest hugs

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Wait until she is old enough or see if you can find her parents and message them

Contact the parents…see what they have to say…they know her best at this point.

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I would explain the situation to the adoptive parents. It’s not your fault that she had to go threw what she did and who knows maybe they’d love for you to be apart of her life.

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Ask social services for help , good luck xx

Congratulations and I’m so happy you found her to be loved and happy! I would reach out to her parents. :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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Contact her parents first. If not it’ll look like you’re going behind their back to try and contact her.

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I would contact her adoptive parents and then see how they feel and then they can talk to her and see how she feels about it…

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I’m a foster care worker. Truthfully, your best bet at having an open relationship with your sister, is going through her parents. Let them know that you are in no way trying to be a negative person, you just want to be a support for her and have a relationship with her, and give them your contact information. If they are willing to allow you to have contact, they will reach out.

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Awe god bless u . You and your sister are both inocent in all of this. I say contact parents n hopefully they will be mindful and have an understanding.

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Parents! She isn’t old enough to really grasp the magnitude of this.

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First contact the social workers to find out about her parents,then you get in touch with them tell them your desire and take it from there

I’d definitely reach out to the parents first

Since she was taken from your mom I think you could get in trouble for contacting her only being 11 years old
My niece and nephew were taken from my sister and put into foster care then adopted a few years later and I’m not allowed to contact them
I miss them so much but unfortunately I have to wait until they’re 18(possibly 14). They’re 9 and 10 now
Their older sister(13) was put into paternal grandmas care and she even has to go through the adoptive parents

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Contact the parents first, she is still very young and they should be able to get contact started

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Talk to her parents and see if you can get a phone number or maybe a pic wishing you the best of luck.

Im a birth mom. I say contact parents first :slight_smile:

Think you should talk to her adopted parents first, Do the right thing. Your sister probably wants to see you too.

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Don’t say anything to the parents ,they will block you , just be happy with what you have for now dear !

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Your best way is to go trough the adoptive parents that way your showing to them that you care about her mental well-being… but it might be worth contacting social worker too as there may be something put into place for siblings etc ? What a hard situation :disappointed: xx

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My little sister who I hadn’t seen since she was 4 mos old found me and messaged me after like 23ish years. And I also have a brother and he has cut off all contact with anyone who has even tried to message him from our family. I would say wait and see where shes at, since shes so young I would definitely contact the parents before her, if you choose to go that route.

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I would countack her parents first

So long as you’re not doing anything underhanded, reach out to her parents. They’ll likely be okay with siblings reconnecting. Just thank them for raising and loving her and ask if you could reach out, maybe suggest speaker phone so they can be involved too. And I would just avoid the subject of her being taken unless she brings it up, but keep details vague until she’s older.

I would contact the parents and explain that you in no way want her to hurt and if its ok could you reach out to her or have them reach out to her. If not could they let you know she is safe and loved.

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Connect to her plz she needs family

You should go through her parents. She’s been through a lot and as u pointed out she’s loved and well cared for. Her parents will make a correct decision regarding her well being

Talk to the state first they usually have a program to introduce siblings I think

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As an adoptive parent, I would recommend reaching out to the parents. My daughters bio brother contacted me in the earlier years asking to contact her. I allowed it, after talking with daughter and making sure she was ok with it and on her terms.

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I personally would contact her parents first

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Contact the parents. First and explain who you are and why you wanna talk with your sister most are willing to let siblings back in there lives but your mom won’t be allowed contact

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No 11 yr old should be on FB, But I am glad you found her. But I will agree with the other, contact her adoptive parents & explain everything to them

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You should definitely reach out to parents first. Do you still have contact with mother who lost yall or her?

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She’s a minor. If you really want to talk to her you need to contact her adoptive parents first. DONT GO TO YOUR SISTER UNTIL YOU HAVE DISCUSSED IT WITH HER PARENTS FIRST! I’m adopted. While my parents are cool with the hole adoption thing and we’re open and honest about it with me and my siblings, hers may not be. She may not even know she’s adopted. She may not know you exist. Her parents may not have told her. Telling her can cause so many problems honestly. It isn’t worth it to jump straight to her. Go to her parents and see what they want to do about it. It’s not worth tearing an entire family apart just to end up never talking to her anyway. Go to her adoptive parents please. They can decide if it’s ok or not to contact her and how they will go about it before you say anything at all.

RESPECT WHATEVER DECISION THEY COME TOO ALSO. DO NOT GO AGAINST THEIR WISHES IF THEY DONT WANT YOU TO TALK TO HER. RESPECT THEIR FAMILY AS A SEPARATE UNIT FROM YOUR LIFE.

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Go through the adoptive parents. It’s the respectful thing to do, especially with her being so young. She’s 11, she’s going to need the emotional support of her team to help her with this.

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I’d reach out to the parents first and respect their wishes, ask if it’s ok and you’ll understand if they say not right now.
GOD BLESS YOU

I would go through the adoptive parents first! especially because she is so young

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yes, talk to the state. they will contact the parents and it will b easier for both of u cz they will guide u how to reconnect.

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Do happy for you both. Just do the right thing for both of you. Pray on it he help you do the right thing.

Reach out to her parents first, explain that you only want what’s best for her but you also miss her, and had nothing to do with the reason she was removed, if they want you to wait a few years, respect that and reach out again when shes a bit older.

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I went through this SAME thing, but finding my sister was harder
I’m bawling reading this as it brought up so many emotions for me…
Talk to the adoptive parent, shes still under age and it’s a respect type of thing, since you don’t know what she remembers or of she has trauma from the past it’s the only correct thing to do, if they don’t let you talk to her just understand it’s out of safety for her…
My search ended with me not being able to talk to my sister and she’s also disabled from my mother’s drug use :sob:
Good luck and feel totally free to contact me, your not alone!!

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As an adoptive mom- reach out to mom and not the child. The child shouldn’t even be on FB.

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Be careful what u wish for it might come true.Its not always the way u think it will come out.Contact the parents 1st.

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Reach out to the parents and see how they feel

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You need to go through the parents first. Plan and simple.

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Contact the parents first I get your excited but as a younger sibling who’s older sibling found me at 16 it was ruff I know it’s hard but wait till shes a bit older so she can be more mentally aware of all that comes with the memory of you.

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Watch from afar. She’s too young

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Reach out to her adoptive parents first.

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That’s how my oldest sister found our other sister and her oldest son. You should definitely say HI.

Since she is still so young, her needs have to come first. I would strongly encourage you to contact the adoptive parents and let them know your purpose (want to connect and support and offer love, etc) and ask their permission so they can let you know what she needs and how to best help her with this. You’ll have to be prepared they may say no. You can also offer alternatives like sending letters or pictures in the mail first. Good luck, I hope you are able to connect with her and that it gives both of you opportunities for healing. God bless.

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Is little sister adopted or still with foster family. Legally it should be easier to arrange contact if in foster care. Is she still using your family surname, if yes then she prob has not been adopted. Contact CPS and arrange a meeting with a social worker and take it from there. I can’t understand how the children weren’t kept in contact as innocent siblings. Surely it would be in the best interest of the children involved. If the services won’t help reach out to the foster/adoptive parents. Best of luck :green_heart::shamrock:

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Your sister is extremely young to be on fb. Firstly she may not be aware she is adopted so it is paramount to go through her family to see how they feel it should be handled. All the very best

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She’s only 11, so I would maybe message her parents first if she has been adopted.

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I don’t think they would freak out… but if you do message them, make it very clear what your intentions are and that you are thankful she is so loved and taken care of♥️

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Reach out!! Good luck and God Speed!!

At her age definitely reach out to her parents first

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Contact adoptive parents first! Be respectful.

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Thats ur sis if she’s on Facebook then go ahead and reach out to her

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Definitely contact the adoptive parents tell them your motives and all that good stuff and go from there since she’s still so young, also in case she doesn’t remember everything

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If she’s in foster care call Dhs to set up contact. They’d be in charge of that seeing she isn’t adopted. If she is adopted reach out to her parents first.I’m not sure why you weren’t able to stay in contact with her…that may play into the equation. But I’d till say talk with Dhs and get a social worker involved. That way foster/adoptive parents can’t restrict you from seeing/talking to her unless Dhs says no. Good luck!

Wait until she’s 18 to contact her directly. You could try contacting the adoptive parents and hopefully they will be welcoming.

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Yeah your sister could not remember anything or she could remember every single thing and wonder why nobody ever came looking for her. Why nobody ever saved her. So if she’s old enough to have a Facebook she should be mature enough to handle the fact that you are her sister. You said what when she was around six years old? I remember everything from when I was 6. People don’t give children enough credit maybe she has a Facebook so that you would go looking for her

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She was removed from her mother’s care not yours that’s your little sister girl do everything you can to contact her but be gentle about it and definitely talked to the parents first

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I know most would say reach out to the parents first. But do what you want. Just say I just wanted to reach out. And see if you would like to talk or get to know each other. But no pressure. I just wanted you to know I was thinking about you

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Friend her. See if she accepts.Just treat it as though she’s anyone see what happens. Mabe she accepts mabe she doesn’t. :two_hearts:

I’d message her and make sure she’s ok. Yes the polite thing to do would be to contact adoptive parents but you don’t know these people. They could make your sister block you. Some adoptive parents become super jealous of any blood relatives. I’d just want to make sure she’s alright and being treated alright.

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Contact the parents. Depending on how old she was when she was taken away she may not know she’s adopted if they never told her.

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She’s a minor, you need to contact the parents first. Introduce yourself, express your intentions, how you see their love/support and I’d mention that you’ll respect their decision - You’re not looking to uproot her life.

Talk to the parents first

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Just text her “hey do you remember me?” If she says no then leave it at that but if she does then you have every right to get to know her. You didn’t do anything wrong, your mom did.

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As someone who was adopted myself, and since she’s a minor, I would message the parents. It shows them respect and they can talk to her about if she’s ready to contact you. They know her better than you do and they will have a better idea of what she remembers and what she doesn’t. That’s where I would start.

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I actually went through this myself except with my older sister. I have an older sister that my mother put up for adoption before she even considered having me and when I was old enough my parents told me about her and I searched for years for her and one day I did the same thing and looked her up on Facebook and there she was. A spitting image of my mother. I didn’t stop to think about the damage it would do to all of us and I reached out to her. She didn’t even know about me and was told by her adoptive parents that my mom never loved her which was so untrue . She came to meet us once and that was that . It broke me and my mothers heart because her adoptive family filled her head with awful things about us

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If she is on Facebook her parents must have given her permission to have one… I’d say message your sister and the parents just to give a heads up that you messaged her.

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I would contact the parents first as she is underage to start with , it would be a different matter if she was an adult then she can make her own decisions but at the moment I would contact the parents and just ask how she is doing and u would like to get in contact with her even if only by maybe a letter to start with give them a chance to speak to her to see how she feels about it all first before u go jumping in it could scare her off

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I found my sister on MySpace in 2007. I had always said I’d wait until she was 18. She was 8 months shy of 18. Her mom was not happy.

I do not regret it.

Definitely contact the parents first you aren’t aware of her mental state she may be ok and fine but she may be not handling her past well which you contacting her might bring up emotions she’s not ready to handle

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Message the parents first. Be polite and courteous. She’s 11, if she was of age I’d say contact her directly.
I’m sure they won’t freak out, she is your sister and it’s only natural you will want a relationship with her. Id say given the circumstances I’d say they may be expecting it.

And BTW, an 11 year old with a fb? Wtf?

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I would contact her parents first and go from there. It never hurts to try.

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I think as she is under 18 I’d suggest contacting the parents 1st, they know her best and how she will handle it. If they say no or block you just wait until she is 18 and old enough to make the choice for herself. Good luck!

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Don’t. She’s only 11 let her be happy

Contact the parents. They likely won’t block or blame you if you go through them. They may even send you updates even if they’re not ready for you to meet her. However if you go behind their backs, they might be more inclined to block you.

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Friend her,and just go as a friend for awhile then let her tell u her story,an go from there

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Contact parents first

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I definitely believe that you have a better chance of getting to know her if you lay down a path to the doctor trust and respect with her parents. I also firmly believe that you have the right to know your sister, but please go slowly as to protect her.

Contact her parents first. You never know the can of worms you could be opening.