Today I received some exciting news. I’m pregnant AGAIN - this crying face is because I’m scared, I’m afraid. It will be my 4th csection. I miss my BC, and now I’m sitting here in the bathroom, crying my eyes out. I had tried to get pregnant many many years ago, and doctors told me I was never going to have this, but now I go on my 4th. Should I feel this bad about having this blessing? I have no help except their daddy but no friends no, family members. I have not worked in 4 yrs due to my family members not trying to help. Someone talk to me. I feel sad and lonely, so overwhelmed. I should be happy, excited; I should be jumping on the bed, yelling and trying everyone that God has heard me, but I’m not. I can’t stop crying.
Breathe, enjoy the blessings
In the end we can only depend on ourselves…stand up, dust the dirt off your shoulders, and show them babies what a freaking awesome mama they got
This baby is a blessing in disguise
You got this momma! You have three already, one more will just add to the fun. I imagine it’s hard, but you’ll get through it. I’d also suggest birth control once your lo arrives.
Just let it sink in, its a shock when you arent expecting it, its ok to not be happy straight away, take some time and work out how you feel about it
Breathe, talk to your partner, and remember that you are an awesome mama!
I’m confused, how do you “not work due to family members not trying to help” …?? That’s your own responsibility, no one elses.
If you can’t afford another child there are many ways you can bless a family struggling to conceive. I struggled with infertility for 4.5 years before getting pregnant and I am currently 5 weeks. I am in a group of THOUSANDS of women who would do anything for this blessing.
Stay humble. Plenty of resources and options for you.
I’m not gonna tell you it’s the perfect time cause idk what that is. What I can say is I’ve been where you are- the scared part. All you can do is access your situation and choose what’s best for everyone including and especially you. Allow yourself to feel sad, upset. Cry scream break stuff if you feel like it. Then shake it off and set a plan. You will be alright. You got this mama.
I completely feel you. Feel free to message me. I know how guilty it makes you feel. I was told I was sterile and would never have any, after my husband and I got married BOOM 4 kids in 5 years and at the 4th I was actually afraid to tell my husband. I couldn’t believe no bc worked. It gets better. Not easily for sure. But the moment they’re born it’s like you never knew your family needed them
I’m in same boat. 4th C-section. Was told I’d never have kids… Very little family support. Everything is the same except I work. If you wanna talk just message me. My inbox is open
There is no perfect timing for a child.
I have 4 kids, 3 of which were planned.
But the transition from going from 3-4 has been the hardest, but the best all in one!
Take it day by day & you will do great!
You got this mama. Let it process, you’ll be jumping for joy soon
Find your local MOPS group, it’s a group of mom’s that meet monthly and support each other with motherhood! Kid’s have play groups together and mommy’s get to have adult chatting. They would embrace you and support you and your littles!
I would then suggest seeking some therapy. I barely have family, I have no immediate family as they are either passed or have dementia. I have 5 living, 1 miscarriage 1 stillborn and anxiously awaiting a new arrival in June 2020. I love my babies. I wouldn’t change anything for the world.
I don’t know what your faith is, but lean on God for help and guidance and he will see you through.
I have a 2 year old boy and a 1 year old girl im currently 20 weeks with my last and honestly i was in the same boat feelings as you with complications with all of them Family doesnt help either but look at it this way at the end of each amd everyday when you lay down to go to sleep you did all you could your kids will need their momma more than anything. They look up to you. And to me those smiles laughs make everything worth it. People will regret not being there. Your strong momma use mother go through hell but we always make it happen.
That’s how I was with number #3. Didnt find out until I was half through the pregnancy. Ended up having prepartum depression. Cryed and had bad thoughts contantly. Hang in there momma. My inbox is open if u want to vent or talk. I don’t judge.
You can do it Momma. We have 5, 10 and under and I’ll I have is my husband with any kind of help. They’ll grow up and you’ll miss it. Hang tight it does get eaiser
I was a single mom of 7. You can absolutely do this.
Find a church family and get some fellowship there. Everything is going to be fine. It’s time to count your blessings and overcome these emotions. Chin up!
I feel you. I had noone. It was a long pregnancy. Just take a moment to urself and stay positive and make it the best for you. Good luck and enjoy it. So much fun stuff you can do with a belly
You haven’t worked in years because family hasn’t helped. Not bashing but family doesn’t have to help. I didn’t have anyone while i was working. I lost several jobs because i didn’t have anyone else to pick her up when she was sick and stay with her. No one owes you anything. You have to do what you have to do to provide for your children no matter how hard it is. You work your butt off for them day in and day out
Let me just tell you that we lived away from all of our family and I didn’t know anyone in the new town we moved to. I had 3 kids already and right after we moved, I found out I was pregnant with our 4th. I bawled my eyes out, my husband and I didn’t talk for several days. I didn’t want a 4th baby at all, it wasn’t in our “plans”. But let me tell you, there are far greater “plans” than that of our own. We sucked it up and had our sweet baby boy almost 5 years ago and he is THE best thing that ever happened to our family. I literally could never imagine our life without him and the guilt I hold for crying not wanting him, is gut wrenching everyday when he giggles and hugs me and tells me he loves me. You CAN do it and you CAN make it work. And if not, there is always someone willing to step up and help.
It’s completely normal to feel overwhelmed your hormones are up & down right now.
Very best of luck to you all xxx
I completely understand! I have four kids and last one was a complete surprise! She in now 13 and I would never change a thing. If you need someone to talk to, I would love for you to message me.
Family not helping is not an excuse for not working. You can’t expect your family to watch your kids. If you need the money, you go to work. Get daycare or sitters.
Breathe & let this soak in first. Talk to your husband & let him help you thru the scary parts…you got this mama!!
Take it one day at a time. Try to take 10 minutes throughout day to reflect on the other 3 and the love that comes with it
I really dont have any great encouraging words but i can say that i understand that feeling of being scared and it will get easier with time. Just one more blessing and best friend from God. Smile even when you dont feel like it, it helps and most of all trust God☺
Embrace it. Many women would be thrilled.
You haven’t worked because family members can’t help you???
I had only 2 kids. My oldest, a son, passed away at the age of 14. I desperately wanted more; love kids, but it was not to be. I think the idea that you have no close friends or family must make it difficult, but you and your husband and the other kids can welcome this new little one with showers of love, and know, as difficult as it may be, that it is a blessing. Can you try to join a baby group, sessions at a library etc. with the possibility of finding friends and perhaps a support system? If I live close to you I would welcome you and your babies as my own . I have and will only every have one grandchild. I love him desperately and try to make the most of our relationship.
You got this!! It might not have been in your plans right now but cry it out then dust your bottom off and move forward. Ignore the people that are saying negative comments about what you said, your just overwhelmed at the moment but you will be ok.
There are many that can’t afford the last one and give that one the best chance by way of adoption. I knew my limit and was told the same, I’d never have a baby. I was bedridden every time but after 2 live births tied my tubes
Be happy it is what it is a blessing and worry about things that are terrible not things that are beautiful,
It’ll be ok. You need a good church family. I’d help if you were near me. I love kids and could never have not even one. You are blessed
It’s hormones hon trust me from a woman who could only have 2 babies and almost died I would risk it without thinking twice even thow I’m 46 now had my youngest at 20 I would give everything except my babies and grandbabies to have a nother one but got my tubes tied cuz told told my husband next time you will bring home one or none and he might not be able to stop it next time I wish I was in your shoes your so lucky you can do this I will be praying God has blessed you I wish I were you
We have a pregnancy we wanted and I still cried my eyes out when I got that first positive test. It’s so emotional and scary at first. That test holds so much weight on the rest of your life, but being 39 weeks now I can say it goes incredibly slow and you have so much time to let it sink in and make a game plan. I got pregnant in May and here we are in February Take time to feel all these emotions, but you don’t have to rush to accept it or know what you’re going to do. You have nothing but time!
I cried the 2nd day after I found out. Hormones are the devil lol
Think of the miracle this is. Of the purpose growing in your womb. God will bring blessings a long with this baby. You will be ok.
I have 4 boys of my own & a step son. Our families do not help us. It’s just me, my husband, & our boys. We get by just fine. You will be ok. Be happy for all of your blessings.
This is my fourth child. My fourth child in less than 4 years. I cried and cried for days when I found out I was pregnant because her older sister would only be 10 months older than her. I was exhausted. My body was exhausted. My husband was active duty military and I was doing so much alone. I was so scared.
But this child. THIS child was exactly what my heart needed to be complete. She is kind. She is funny. And most important she is empathic and loves with her whole heart. She thinks of others before herself and she cares so hard for everything and everyone that is important to her. She will change the world even more than she changed mine. For that, this world is so lucky to have her. As am I.
You can’t make excuses
“because your family won’t help” they didn’t lay down and do the deed this is your miracle baby you should be happy but I’m getting the vibe that you can’t afford another child there are other options like adoption and there are even a select few that would pay and be beyond grateful to have your little one it would be hard but your kids and that little one don’t deserve to suffer and go with out because you won’t get a job and choose to live off one income that wouldn’t be fair to them I suggest you look into it good luck girl
Not my fourth but my first. I have a lot of health problems and was told that getting pregnant would be very hard if not impossible. I was still careful anyway but ended up pregnant with my daughter. I cried for pretty much 6 months. I didnt think I could be a mom and I had already decided I didnt want to. But if mother earth has decided I’m a mother then, I figured I would take that as a sign. If you arent cool with keeping a 4th child there are options, but if you are wanting this child then those feelings will pass. It will be hard, and you will be exhausted, but you can do it. You’ve done it 3 other times, you’re a pro! Get all those feelings out somehow, write, cry, exercise, whatever you need to. It’s normal to feel this way especially when it’s a complete suprise
You are not wrong to not feel happy. It’s ok not to be excited, your feelings are valid. You will figure out how to make it work. For now, feel your feelings and don’t feel guilty about it.
What does “I haven’t worked in 4 years due to my family members not trying to help” mean? They didn’t get you pregnant…
If you’re going to keep missing your birth control and getting upset about pregnancies, maybe you should consult your doctor about having a hysterectomy or having your tubes tied. Sounds like you’re a great candidate for postpartum depression and that is some difficult shit to deal with.
It’s okay to be upset at first. The happy part will come. Just tell ur husband all this. I’m sure he can help. Also maybe try and make some friends in your area. At the park with your kids or wherever people are.
I cried for TWO WEEKS when I found out I was pregnant with my FOURTH! I do have family but everyone works so no one to help out. We are a family of 6 depending solely on my husbands income.! It gets hard but I figured out how to make the best of it. My youngest is now 3yrs old &I still cry because of how hard life gets having so many kids ¬ being able to work to help out but I wouldn’t trade him or any of my kids for the world.
I recently had my third baby. I did not want to have another at least not right now. I was terrified. I threw up when the test came out positive because of how scared I was. I didn’t tell anyone besides her dad until I was almost 20 weeks. I didn’t want to buy baby stuff or anything until almost 30 weeks because I was scared and nervous. I didn’t get excited until I was 36 weeks and in labor with her. I loved her and wanted her, but never got excited. Not until I knew I was about to meet her. It was very isolating. I felt guilty like I was taking it for granted. I don’t have any advice except it will get better. You will get excited like with your other children. It may not be right away, but you will.
Everything happens for a reason and you’re given this child for a reason. congrats mama and stay strong
At least you are able to have kids, a lot of people don’t have the opportunity! Congratulations
be strong this is a blessing xx
I have been in this boat! I was supposed to get my tubes tied after my 3rd, but the paperwork never got a doc signature, so I ended up with a fourth. I am horrible at remembering that stupid pill! Lol. I also have no friends or family support, just me n my husband and I haven’t worked in years either because of it. I cried, was sad the whole pregnancy. But when that baby came out, everything fell into place. She completed us. It’s been 2 years and and Im still so obsessed with her little face. You got this, mama. When you see that little blessing, nothing else matters.
Yes it’s scary when you feel this done but it is a blessing, I had my fourth with only the day there to help me and he was much help but I always found a way and so glad I never gave up. This baby is going to love you no matter what and could change your life in such a powerful way. I now have 5 beautiful children and r of them are all grown up and I’m so proud of them and wouldn’t change a thing of how they came to be. My fourth one was truly my big surprise since I was 42 and had developed a heart condition but we never once considered not having him and we feel so blessed everyday that he is here and fixing to be 4 in just a few days so you never know what God has in store for us but they are never mistakes. Let your emotions settle down and think of all the new hugs and cuddles you have to look forward to.
Believe me I was in the same boat. I’m walking around healthy and happy. My baby is now 6 months old and he’s the happiest little guy I ever met! I had 3 C-sections in 2.5 years. Yes I have a 8yo, 3yo, 2yo in March, and my baby is 6mo. I’m doing great with just me and their daddy. Be positive think positive
It is completely ok to feel that way. When I found out I was pregnant again I called my mom crying so hard she thought someone died and couldn’t understands thing I was telling her. Now I have 5 year old twins and I’m so glad that I have them. Let all the emotion out now, so you can process and work through it. Good luck!
You need to stop crying and thank God for the gift of life. If you dont want more babies then use protection.
Be happy you have another little miracle and think yeah it will be my 4th c-section but just think you are going to be bringing this little miracle in to the world safely. If you need a friend you are welcome to add me as a friend to talk to me or vent I’m a mother of two. Your hormones will be causing you this much grief at the moment. Try and not let your hormones get in the way which is so hard I know I cried for days with my number 2. you are having a 4 th child when doctors said you may never concieve while some have Only two and some have none and are still are trying to have one and there is you with number 4 and that’s a blessing . And don’t worry bout friends. True friends stick around no matter what I worked out who my true friends were when I had children turned out I didn’t have any but truth be told I don’t need friends who are like that I got no time for that when I got my babies that need me and in my eyes my children are not just my children but they’re my little best friends and the best little friends I’ve ever had in my life time . As for support you already have 3 and now been blessed with number 4 and you rocking this mother thing go look in the mirror and say to yourself you got this and tell your self how beautiful mothering and parenting looks on you. As for work , stuff work for now work will always be there when all your babies grow up. Add me as a friend or inbox me if you need to chat or vent xx you got this you beautiful mum to be
You should take the time to cry. Grieve the losses that come with another pregnancy and baby. Be sad about the set backs.
Then take a deep breath.
And embrace the journey and joy that, as you already know, a new life can bring.
We cannot be strong unless we recognize our weaknesses.
Its yr hormones that got yr thoughts all outta sorts! U got this. Remember…u said yr self u were tryn for another child b4 some doc told u u couldnt. U see…it seems that at that moment 4 whatever reason…it wasnt time for another child…I’m sure yr other kids are somewhat grown n can help u alittle on some basic stuff…plus u said u have their dad…that’s also a blessing darlin! Count yr blessing my dear…and keep yr faith …it will all turn out great in the end.
Hormones. We were scared too bc of money but after the fear passed we were so happy to be blessed. Congratulations. Also don’t feel bad if you want this to be the last one there’s surgery for that. Either of these make you a bad person or mother.
Pregnancy hormones maybe playing a part in how you are feeling, sit down have a cuppa and take a big breath… You’ve got this xoxox
I am taking care of 2 of my grandchildren because of my daughter’s mental issues and now she is pregnant again and due in April. When I found out I cried but then I looked at the face of the 2 older kids and gained the strength to take care of this one too. Also expressed the fact that I will not be taking any more kids after this one because 3 kids under 4 years old is my limit. With the help of family and friends I manage to get some “me” time at least one weekend a month. You will find the strength if you choose to. Good luclk!
Go for a walk…
Stop freaking out.
You will get through this… one day, one week, one month at a time.
It will be okay… this baby might be the next president, the next astronaut, the next big movie star! Just giving examples… this baby might be a scientist, but this baby will be what sounds like your last baby.
It’ll work out, it always does. Try to join some support groups. I’m kind of in the same boat, no one to help, I really screwed myself as I’m the breadwinner who decided to stay home and let my kids father support us… but he doesn’t make the money I made.
I have no help, baby only nurses and I have a wacky sleep pattern… because of her nursing… but it’s just a short sacrifice… for the time being.
Eventually you can figure out daycare…
Soooo unpopular opinion…
This is ridiculous. The only thing you should have adverse feel should towards is yourself. Nobody else laid down. You did. 4 times. It’s not your family’s jobs to drop their stuff and take care of your kids. You need to get a job, have adult interaction, find child care and provide. There are ways to prevent all
Of these emotions, including an unwanted pregnancy, and you’re not doing any of that.
It’s hard to be sympathetic to people who just want the world to do for them but them do nothing for themselves.
Do what’s right for all 4 of your children.
I know that feeling. We actually kept our fourth a secret because his mom was disappointed when I had my third. But remember it is a blessing and your overwhelmed right now. When it all settles you will find more joy than you ever knew and things just work themselves out. I am thankful for my fourth, he is my only boy and I lost my husband a year ago in March so God knew I needed him.
It will all work out,how old are your children
You are not obligated to feel happy about being pregnant. Someone else’s misfortunes do not dictate YOUR feelings.
Let go of the idea that you should be feeling anyway. Any emotions you have are real and valid. Don’t guilt yourself for feeling what you feel. Try writing in a journal and honour your sadness. It’s ok to be scared.
It happened to me 24 years ago. It was only my second but, the thought of trying to financially support another child was overwhelming. I cried for days. I refused to tell anyone. I was still hoping that when I went to the doctor the home test was wrong. It took me a few months to even be able to speak about it. Now I realize she was the best thing that happened for us. She was my second daughter. They may not have had the very best of material things but, they had a good childhood. They had more love than they could ever have. Both my daughters are married now and I miss them both so much. They both live close enough that I see them often. But, there’s nothing like having the best parts of you under the same roof! It will work out. Don’t stress
I had twins that was a year old and found out I was pregnant again!!! I cried and his dad didn’t even talk to me for 2 days lol. But he turned out to be such a blessing! I can’t imagine life without him!! He will be 14 next month!! Yes sometimes help would be nice…you know they say it takes a village to raise a child. Just do best you can and lean on God and keep your faith!! EVERYTHING works out exactly way it is suppose to!!
What are all these comments about “your the one who laid down &got pregnant” …
I can relate to her frustration of no one helping, as most times before baby comes or within the first 2-4 weeks people are hounding you to see the baby and telling you how much they’ll be there to help you and, it all goes in vain. It takes a village to raise a child, yet sadly most times the child’s grand parents aren’t even involved in this day and, age. Daycare can cost up to 1300 a month per child and, we all know life is getting anything BUT cheaper. No one but you makes you add your children true but this is also why PP depression and much worse is at an all time high… Because when an overwhelmed mother reaches out like this, there are people who have zero sympathy to their needs or feelings.
Why would it be your family members responsibility to help you while you work? Not trying to be rude, but they didn’t get pregnant, you did.
All 5 of my babies were c-sections. Yes the first & last were the most scariest for me.
You have every right to cry. You’re overwhelmed. But… You sound resourceful, and determined, and you will make this work. Take your time to feel what you feel, and things will fall into place.
Be happy take it one step at a time.i have seven children and its my husband and me sometimes I get sad when i feel like i need a break but ive got my children someone out there is praying for what we have so let that be ur motivation. Sending some love ur way
Your feelings are completely and totally valid. You are allowed to feel upset. You are allowed to cry. Having a baby is not an easy thing to do. I only have one child and if I got pregnant right now, I’d be crying for days.
Can you afford childcare, even if it’s just for part of a day during the week? Just so you can get out and be just you. If not, ask their dad to do it.
In the meantime, do not apologize for your feelings!
Congratulations I would love a 4th baby think of all the joy and happiness and how your 4 little uns will play with each other it’s a blessing maybe go to a church I started going to church and beat decision ever made so friendly and you may make some friends there and you can talk to them about anything good look in your new adventure take one day at a time talk with people and your husband and look forward to been a family of 6
Try not to focus on the negative. Every baby is a blessing. Don’t let fear win over your miracle. Sometimes we have to step out of our comfort zones and believe everything we encounter good and bad has a purpose and will make you stronger than you can ever imagine. I can see why you would be scared. A 4th baby coming! You beat the odds a doctor said you would not be able to accomplish.
Accept the responsibility that you are growing a human life inside you. I’m sure in a short paragraph you didn’t mean to say you haven’t works and it’s your family’s fault for never helping you. If you did mean that, I’d have to say this. You and your SO made these children. You had a choice. You made the choice. Do not ever expect someone to go along with that choice. Your family raised their children. They shouldn’t have to help raise yours. With that said, if a single mom of multiple children can do it so can you! You’re crying because you have mixed emotions and your heart and mind are fighting each other which is causing an emotional over load. Take times, take a nap, listening to calming music, have a cup of tea and relax. Think only positive thoughts. You got this. Let nothing come in between that.
And that’s why I got my tubes tied, no more birth control. No more suprises.
Cry throw a fit you can feel any way.you will get through this every day is a new one .one day. At a time sweet Jesus is all I’m asking of you. Give me the hope help me to cope one day at a time.
My 4th is my BEST child.
I had a pleasant surprise when I was 38 and my sons were 9 & 10 after 20 years of marriage… BEST thing that ever happened to me… he is one of my greatest blessings & my best friend…he just turned 20 and is so protective & loving… invites me to breakfast… lunch… dinners… movies… walks with the dog etc all the time… GOD knew what I needed more than I did… just praise GOD for this amazing blessing & breath…
I can totally relate. My last one snuck up on us. My second was 14 mos when #3 was born. When we found out about her we freaked! My husband was a mechanic and not making much and they wouldn’t give him a raise. He started a new job driving a tow truck 2 weeks after she was born and he made more in his first 3 mos than a whole year being a mechanic. We were extremely blessed with our baby girl and his new job! She is the sweetest most loving baby. I was 40 when I had her and with a high risk pregnancy but she’s perfectly healthy. Once you see this new baby you’ll wonder how you lived without him/her! Good luck mama!
Grandchildren are gifts you bring to your parents for having raised you. Not their responsibility.
Never rely on anyone to help you I have 4 kids and do everything on my own too it’s what is mum’s do
You should be blessed because I am 55 years old and I’ve always wanted a baby and I had two miscarriages and never got pregnant again. God is sending you a gift.
I understand your feelings so much. I just recently had what I call my miracle baby, born Jan 10th this year. She was born 12 years and 2 days after my first and only child. I was told because of my severe PCOS that I would never get pregnant again without fertility treatment. But God had other plans. I got pregnant while im going through the disability approval process. I have a good support system but I do not bring in any income and my fiance doesn’t make a whole lot either. To me I got pregnant at the absolute worst time in life for me. I have worked or went to college since I was 14. Having to stop working because my health got so bad took a toll on me mentally for a long time. When I got pregnant in the midst of all of this I found hope again that God had other plans for me. We are still struggling while waiting on my approval but we have everything we need. We have each other and that’s what we lean on through the good and the bad.
Same no help except my husband. Our community strictly consists of our 2 daughters and our newborn son. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed but u can do it. You have been doing it mama and a great job too !
Just breath did u ever think that it’s meant to be, one of God’s miracles, you will be ok, is there anyone that can help u.
What a blessing our children are, their really God’s he just let’s us have to for awhile,
You can work and have kids
Mom works night
Dad works day
I did it for a few years
My heart breaks for you, and please reach out if you need to talk. Also, for people like my husband and me, we have been looking into private adoption if that’s something you could see yourself considering. I hope everything works out <3
There was a way not to cry and you didn’t tried hard enough.lol
I cried with finding out we were pregnant with our 5th (10,5,4,1 & due aug/Sept)… Its still a shock 3mths in but everyone else is so happy. It’s mostly coz I’m so tired & feeling sick all the time & thought that we had finally came to a place where I could relax a little & enjoy myself. I’m super excited that our family is growing, I just totally hate the newborn to 1yr stage… It consumes so much. And like you… Our families are far away, friends are limited & we also home educate the 3 younger ones so it’s a constant busy home life that can be full on & dull/lonely at times. But I find small breaks on park outtings, when kids are asleep etc. You’ll be OK mama… Think about all that love with a new baby.
Why would family members help. U chose this they didnt
Aww, you are working, your a mom, which is more work than many can handle. I promise your babes will grow up & you will be able work& not have to pay for child care.
I am a mom of 5 children. All grown up now, I miss being a mom to those little ones.
Congratulations on your baby news.
You sound like a very brave and caring person. It won’t be easy, but it really is a blessing. You really do need to find some some people to be friends with. Be open and yourself.
Wow what a speacial gift you have been given ok your i amess at the moment but just think how much joy this little one will bring you thr smiles the hugs and most of the love take care thinking of you and your family