I found out my 16 year old has a boyfrined and we have a strict no dating rule…what do I do about this? She knows my rules and still went behind my back to hide this from me.
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Accept the fact she is growing… the best you can do is have open conversation with her. Educate her how she can protect herself. Show support so she wont be “sneaky” and end up pregnant
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I remember around 15 my mum told me I couldn’t go see my boyfriend, so I climbed out of the window at 3am to see him instead 
the stricter you are, the more sneaky your kid will be
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I’ll put it like this…being overly strict causes children/teens to be sneaky. Why do you have a rule like that in place? Honestly it’s only going to cause issues, more so than if you allowed it. It’s better to have a good relationship with your child (meaning they will come to you about things, value your opinions, etc). I don’t mean to be “friends” either. Why not allow dating, but set healthy boundaries in place? No going on dates without an adult present, no boys allowed in your room, but he can come hang out at the house when adults are present, have an open communication with your child regarding how she feels, respecting herself/body, etc. You will get so much further with your child than to be enforcing asinine rules that she WILL break bc let’s face it, she is a teen girl and interested in guys her age!!!
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She’s gonna become more sneaky. Unless you learn how to trust her and believe that she could be safe and in a healthy relationship. Otherwise she will continue going behind your back.
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It’s actually stunting her social skills and growth. My parents were strict too it made me sneaky when I could get away with it and the other part is I was never allowed to socialize with my peers outside of school or work = a full grown adult with social anxiety wonder why? 16 is the age it’s normal to be dating even by pediatrician standards.
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Strict parents make for sneaky kids.
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It’s natural 
Overly strict rules encourage sneaky behaviour in children and young people. Encourage her to be open and honest by not having unreasonable expectations of her. Or you’ll lose her…. Aim for helping her keep a balance between social life and education, and staying safe.
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Its normal to date at 16 with boundaries. If you ban her she will just continue behind your back and probably do other things too. Banning things makes PPL want it more
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My mom had a strict no dating also…I did it anyways and when I was 18 I left in the middle of the night and she woke to find me gone…that was horrible to do to my mother but my point is if you hold to tight she may run off when she’s able
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Well she went behind your back because you made a ridiculous rule.
Sorry but if she’s old enough to do chores, be told to be grown up and adult like, she is old enough to date. She’s 16 for heavens sake.
Your controlling behaviour is going to cost you your daughter if you’re not careful.
The more you push how you want her life to be on her, the more she will rebel.
Trust your daughter, be open and supportive whilst teaching her to be careful x
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In my opinion it’s too strict to not allow boyfriends at 16. I think you can have rules around it like no being alone in her room etc but it’s impossible to keep her from relationships. I think it just creates a barrier to her sharing with you and actually makes her less safe.
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Obviously because you are an extremely strict parent
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Yea that don’t work !! She’s becoming an adult she has her own mind . So instead try ok I need to meet him and make dates at your house for them . Don’t be nosey constantly being up their butt ! Let them have their space . Have a long talk say I’m trusting you to make good choices .
I mean I feel as if 15 is old enough to start dating I don’t think they should be having sex until there a little older I can see they’ll start wanting to at 17 18 maybe even before then but there is no way to stop a teen or even a child from doing what they want too bc if they have there minds set on something there gonna do it especially strict parents raise sneaky kids and this is coming from one I used to have to sneak to the park to meet boys bc I couldn’t go places with them much and my foster sister would walk me there to meet them we’d say we’re going to the park to hang out never got caught actually bc it was just Normal after school activities walking the dog hanging at the park fr a few hrs the moral is your kid shouldn’t have to sneak around if you say down and said hey this is our rule we know we can’t stop you but we encourage you not to date right now have friends talk but not date I believe if parents want respect they should give it in return and care about your kids feelings not just that’s our rule and u didn’t follow it so your in trouble talk and communicate and they wont hide things from u
You said “no” that makes kids want it more I’m sure at 16 and you’re strict there’s a lot more about your kid you don’t know about yet. Have the talk and start birth control because the more you tell her to leave him alone the faster she’ll run to him
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Let her date, banning dating is just going to make her sneakier. My mum told me no sex, gave me no sex education and wondered why I got pregnant at 16(she was 18 when she had me but moaned about my age) I’m choosing to educate my children and let them work it out for themselves. Told them a baby is probably the better thing compared to stds my son lost his V at 16, told me he was safe and no babies so far 
I’d rather my kids be able to talk to me and know I’m supportive than my parents just don’t do it attitude
She’s going to be sneaky because there’s no compromise with you. She doesn’t feel open with you clearly because she knew there was going to be some reprimand from having a boyfriend.
I think a conversation about the birds & the bees, trust, communication with her would go a long way. You’re not going to be able to stop her, we’re human, it’s normal to seek relationships. Just have a parent talk with her. Make her feel welcomed so she feels like she can come to you about future relationship or relationship problems. The more you try to force her your way, the more she’s probably going to rebel and be sneaky.
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Try to loosen up mama…its perfectly normal and healthy especially at her age…
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Why do u have. No BF rule? So did my parents and I ended up pregnant at 15, they tried to keep us apart forbid us being together…we lost that 1st baby but have a amazing 13yo daughter and a fantastic 12yo son. We have been together 21y this year and married for 14y in Nov. He is snoring next to me. I chose him over them and the more they said no the more I wanted him. I also left them to be with him. They said he was good for nothing and would leave when it got tuff. He never left me during the bad times. I love that man more then anything and the amazing life he has provided me. Now my parents love him.
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Educate her about all things relationship, heartbreak, why it’s better to wait (aka wasting your young fun years focusing on a boy instead of school and friends and sports ect, years that will fly by). But don’t force her to break up with him. She’ll despise you if you do. Let her make choices and learn consequences. If you put so many walls and rules up, she’ll never come to you to tell you anything. She’ll become sneaky and learn to hide things. Although rules are important, leave room for error and learning. It creates a more open line of communication. She should be able to come to you about these things. Make rules instead, around things like open door policy, time for work/ school/ family versus time for boys, make rules about sharing locations for HER safety. Second, get her on birth control. Whether you want to accept it or not, high schoolers are still high schoolers. It’s not just boys with raging hormones. Better safe than sorry.
I came from a household like this and in the end I snuck around and as I became an adult I couldn’t see the difference in a heathy relationship and a toxic one I truly believe if I had been given the opportunity to date as a teen it could have been a teachable experience your her guidance as she gets older she’s gonna find it hard to come to you about things she’s gonna feel robbed of those memories you and her could have made surrounding her dating the talks etc
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Not allowing your child to age appropriately date at 16? Hmmm, helicopter parenting verses setting appropriate boundaries…
Maybe allow her to participate in dating based on her level of maturity and responsibility. Building a trusting relationship verses punishment for natural actions as a teen won’t help but hurt.
Depending on the state, she may already be legal age of consent and in most states could petition to legally emancipate herself. In 2 years she can legally die for our country. Give her the grace she deserves as a young lady and allow her to develop her own healthy relationships amongst her peers as she sees fit. It’s honestly none of your business in my opinion. Her relationships as long as they aren’t
predatory in nature by the other party, treat her with respect, and dignity how can you not allow her these experiences?
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I have 3 teenage daughters they are going to get boyfriends no matter what you say just put rules down for them
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She went behind your back because she can’t be open with you and tell you. You are teaching to her to sneak around.
The stricter the parents the wilder the child and the more they’ll keep from you
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Watch her come home pregs because she can’t talk to you about anything… Go get the girl on birth control, meet the boy and put a few rules that won’t have her sneaking behind your back… No doors closed ECT. 16 is old enough to date… 
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The no dating rule is only going to force her to become sneaky. Unfortunately you can either continue to force it and she will still continue to find ways to see him OR you can lax the rules enough so you can at least meet this boy and set some rules. I would also get her on some birth control and have a conversation with her. She needs to trust you enough to come to you.
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She went behind your back because she can’t talk tonyou. A no dating rule for a 16yo is archaic and unreasonable.
Proof she’ll do it anyway.
You didn’t teach her to respect rules. You taught her to be sneaky. Congratulations! There’s no fixing this. And one day you’ll probably wonder why your daughter doesn’t talk to you and you don’t know your grandkids
What’s the reason behind the no dating rule? She’s 16. That’s normal.
Once my child reaches 16 she’ll be allowed to date but it’ll come with rules/boundaries.
It’s bittersweet to see our babies grow up. In a sense it does suck and we want to protect them from everything but don’t hold on so tight you ruin your future relationship with your child!
It’s very normal to date at 16,meet the person she is dating first and set some boundaries x
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Accept that this is the age of curiosity and growth and let her date. It’s not like she’s 12. Unless you want her to get sneakier and go behind your back and not feel like she can trust going to you for anything. Unfortunately you can’t stop her from growing up. But you can build a solid foundation with her now and teach her safety in relationships, dating and all that comes with it. Take it as a stepping stone, not a threat.
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I startied dating my husband at 15 years old. We are now 30 married with 3 kids. I feel like no dating is a bit extreme rule. The more you place rules like that down the more she will be sneeky. Shes going to do whwt shes going to do. Maybe talk to her about being safe, letting her know she can come to you at anytime.
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Take child to get birth control. And accept your parenting was enough to help child make right decisions. No dating is absolutely impossible. Make rule changes to help benefit and compromise on things. Why be strict when you can be a parent.
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Maybe you should change the rules to if there is a boyfriend there are rules to when and how long can they meet or where instead or cutting ties and making children go behind your back, I would rather know and be present and meet the guy so u know what is what to forbid-children will always find a way when it comes to heart mixed with hormones
First I’d like to know how old you were when you got your first boyfriend. I think 16 is a very reasonable age to start dating. Let her have some freedom and have confidence you raised her with proper morals
You can do this two ways, you can be the mum that your being and have a rebellious teenager or you could work with her. Having him round you has your child around you, also allows you to monitor what’s what with the relationship! 
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Maybe not be so strict and just teach her about respecting herself and her body to make sure she has the tools to navigate herself. But my mom was that way and I was sneaking out and dating at 14 alot out of spite
You readyto know NOTHING
about her personally life when she wants to have sex or whatever needs advice about safe sex or anything OR be in the dark completely and never having that trusting level relationship and being the last one told.
She’s going to want a boyfriend at her age because she’s growing up, accept it and move on or she’ll just grow up resenting you. Be thankful that she’s able to have these experiences because if she never woke up in the morning you’d spend your entire life thinking about what she didn’t get to do other than what she did do. My mum always said to me which I will apply to my own daughter ‘no matter what I say, you’re going to do it anyways so just tell me so I can help keep you safe’ my advice to you would be, sit her down…have the talk…get her some protection and accept it.
Make a compromise that works with both of yous. Would you want her to be upfront with you or would it be better if she goes behind your back.
You can’t stop the inevitable. They are teenagers. Their hormones are raging. The best you can hope for is to include their friends into your family to keep a closer eye on the behavior you’re trying to limit.
Sorry but this is the reason ya daughter went behind your back. Control her and you will lose her. I was a terriable teenager. My parents were like you
I rebelled. So what I learnt was communication and honesty with no threats works better and you will have a better relationship with your daughter, teens lie and rebelled when they fear a parent, that’s why they hide everything and lie. My daughter is honest with me, tells everything and we talk about it. I guess that’s the friend part in our mother daughter bond. She has never ever rebelled. She’s 18 and not been an angel, but she’s so far not got pregnant arrested or does drugs. She drinks a bit, and gains alot of male attention, but we talk and I listen without anger or judgement. Not all was a yes some where maybe in a year or two and if u still want u can get it and she has always respected me on it. I give her respect she gives me respect and is honest because if she’s not honest I will.be severely disappointed and she doesn’t wanna hurt or disapoint me.
I have very many options on this and this is why teens sneak around you need to be more open so that she doesn’t do anything stupid and feels that can’t talk to u about anything and something bad happens as well bc kids nowadays are bound to meet someone off the Internet and not think anything of it or meet someone they’ve never met or sneak out and bad things happen you dont need to be so strict that she can’t trust to tell u things
Firstly can I ask where you live? I’m asking as where I live 16 is the legal age if concent. No advice apart from saying where I understand these rules came from a good place it has ultimately caused your daughter to keep this from you I would change tack to be open with her moving forward so she is not scared to confide in you. I had a long term partner at her age. She has a bf now it’s happened you will just have to go with it. Or she will keep hiding these things from you. Best to be open
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You can be strict it’s just going to make your child sneaky and do things that you don’t allow. I’d sit down and talk to her meet this boy and then get her on birth control because honestly she’s 16 she’s going to have sex if she wants to and you’d rather her be protected rather than pregnant at 16. Not saying she’s going to have sex but if she wants to she will.
Strict parents create sneaky teens! Why can’t she date? What is the reasoning behind this. She is 16 she is going to have boyfriends. Seems like your the problem
If you ban her from having a boyfriend she Will go against it. Even teens cant help falling in love with someone.
You Will create a teen who would not talk to you about anything if you make her break up and have such strict rules.
Meet the boy. Let him come over and make Some rules about the dating like not alone upstairs etc.
She’s 16 like it or not she will have a boyfriend if she wants so sit down talk to her about being responsible tell her before going anywhere you need to meet said person and no lying anymore
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I started dating my now husband at 16. Been together for 27 years. I would let her date but have mom to daughter talks about it frequently.
Why do you even have that rule? 
Meet the boy, make sure hes close to her age.
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When you tell them no at this age, they will find a way and do it anyway. So, compromise some how.
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Darn that child trying to be normal!!!
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Your more you push her away from something the more likely she will do it.
Loosen up … it’s normal to have a boyfriend at 16. What are you afraid of ? Educate your daughter
You’ll never be able to stop them. So may as well start being open minded or there’s going to be a lot more sneaking around.
It will happen I m I was in the same boat a few yrs ago god bless
The move you push the better you make him look. What’s wrong with a boyfriend in a controlled atmosphere. Maybe not dating, but seeing each other. I had a boyfriend at 12, my mama loved him
If you forbid things. She will hide everything. Have open communication. Or she won’t be comfortable sharing anything with you.
How about stop being ridiculous cuz she’s more than enough to have one and if this age she’s going to no matter what
Overly strict rules will have kids and teens go behind their parents back. Why can she not date? Is it ethnic related or religion? Or are you worried she may make bad choices (most likely because you did at her age) and do not want her to follow your suit? Teens date- it’s part of life as they grow. To restrict a teenage milestone is going to haunt you later in life. You make your bed and lay in it as they say (no pun intended). In two years she will legally be an adult and that’s a whole new set of problems to worry about.
You could set responsible rules: dates in public places, no hanging out in private without adults present, talking about what consent means (because it applies to all aspects of life), and probably meet the boy to make sure they’re in a similar age range.
Or you could continue being beyond unreasonable and she’ll become sneakier and sneakier. And by doing that, statistically speaking, she’ll be at a higher risk of coming into contact with a predator, being assaulted and not seeking help or even knowing she was assaulted, and even becoming pregnant after listening to the silly rumors kids spread around regarding “birth control” (ie pee after séx, only have séx at night, the girl should always be on top) because their parent didn’t take the time to educate them properly
Overly strict parents create sneaky kids that often make bad choices. Be smart about this, it’s developmentally and socially appropriate for her age to date.
Well, grandma, the first thing to do is rehome your pets and go back to work…
Strict parents have the most rebellious kids! You’re pushing her to lie…what’s wrong with her dating? You have issues with it for what reason?? Let her have her first boyfriend and be there with her to experience it… the heartbreaks, the first kisses etc. cuz if you aren’t then a friends mom, an aunt or a stranger will be when it should have been you.
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Ask her to let you meet him and don’t show her that you disapprove or she will become more secretive and hid more things from you .
Not allowing you’re child to have a bf or gf is barbaric behaviour
Control freak comes to mind. Why stop something that’s completely natural? I’d leave home
Your no dating rule contributed to this. You can’t control her/him. Allow them to make their experiences and grow; don’t hinder their growth
Thank god you’re not my parent…
Forbid it and you fuel it
She’s going behind your back because you’re too strict.
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That’s why you don’t have those rules. Because you’re setting them up for failure.
16?? And she can’t date?? 
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Obviously. Strict rules lead to being sneaky
Be understanding and be understood
Strict parents make kids who keep things from u and don’t tell you anything, she is 16 legally old enuff
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Boundaries. REASONABLE BOUNDARIES
Carry on controlling her this way as soon as she’s 18 you’ll never see her again.
Strict parents raise sneaky kids.
Give him a chance.
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The more strict you are the more she will rebel
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You need to put more trust in your 16 yr old daughter
She will see her boyfriend
Reguardles of your rules
As long as you teach her to have boundaries
Not all teenagers have sex at that age
Sadly you putting rules down
Will only push her to rebel and sneak out to see him
Chances are she is more responsible then you give her credit
But at the end of the day
She is your child not ours
Talk to her him and let her him have a bf !! Be open and talk !!!
Omg what a mother 16 years old and not allowed a boyfriend geeez what century you living in poor girl is she still in white socks as well🙄
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I would be easing up tbh, 16 is normal age to want to date.
Hate to say it keep pushing, not allowing certain things and you will find your daughter cutting contact once they are 18
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Let the young woman see a doctor
Yea… Go ahead and keep that thumb pressed down tight… God forbid you let the kid live… Smh. Keep it up. She will hate you.
Get ready for anything. You raise her like a prisoner, she’ll behave like a criminal.
She’s 16 and possibly age of consent, depending on state. She is biologically an adult while only legally a minor. It is absolutely ridiculous to have a strict “no dating” rule because a) This is natural for humans to do and a societal norm. b) Teenagers are very smart. She will find a way, whether you try to punish or be more strict. Try not being so controlling and learn to understand as well as communicate with her. It’ll get you much farther.
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She went behind your back because she can’t be honest with you. Stop making such strict rules that make her feel it’s not safe to talk to you. Encourage open communication. You’re creating an unsafe situation, because if someone she’s dating ever abuses or violates her in any way, she’s going to be too afraid to tell you. Give her a safe space to explore dating so she doesn’t have to hide.
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All your going to do is push her away. Overly strict parent just create children who lie to them Ifnyou honestly think your kids not doing the things you ban/tell them not to do then your delusional They are doing all the things you don’t want and just not telling you
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Sure the stricter you are the better she will become at getting around your rules… try giving your kiddo a chance at starting to make their own decisions 
Cuz your rules dumb. Of course they are gonna hide it
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What do you do?
Get professional help for your anxiety…you aren’t parenting well. ‘Forbidding’ something instead of teaching your kids life skills is LAZY self centered parenting
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She’s sixteen. Good luck keeping her from dating.
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As long as she’s being careful what’s the big deal. Why the no dating rule? She’s turing into a lady. You need to ease up a little bit. Unfortunately you can’t stop her from growing up.
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Strict parents create sneaky kids. Let her date.
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Has she had a convo with her?
Communication will take you far.
if u don’t know about it then they haven’t been on that many dates so she may have a bf and still be following your rules. Maybe just talk to her.
With a rule like this I’m willing to bet you will be buying baby items in the near future. I’ve never understood parents that make the silliest rule and then wonder why their kiddo rebels.