My bf and I have been together for exactly two years. We started dating in November 2017 and made things official Feb 14, 2018. He got a new phone a couple of days ago, and I was home alone and saw his old phone on the couch. I’m very insecure, and curiosity got the best of me, and I went through it. Long story short, he was messing around with girls up until May of last year (after we had been dating for six months and official for three months). One girl, he still works with, and I always had a weird feeling about. After going through it all, I noticed he stopped talking to them around June 2018 and stopped hanging out with his toxic friends around then as well. I never thought of him as that type of guy, so it shocked me. But he is kinda narcissistic, so it makes sense, I suppose. Anyway, I confronted him about it, and all he did was say I deserved better, and I should leave. I told him I didn’t really want to leave. I just wanted an explanation. He told me he was a selfish person, and still is to an extent. He said he didn’t really consider us serious until the end of summer 2018. I made a list of pros and cons in my head, and I just don’t know what to do. When we started dating, he’d only been single for about two and a half months from being with a girl for about two years. And he DID stop doing the shit he was doing once he considered us serious… so what’s y’all opinion? Because he’s still telling me I deserve better and should leave. Yet he says he doesn’t want me to leave. (That’s the narc coming out). Advice
Just keep a close eye on him
Gross leave him u been living a lie this entire time
If it was me I would go. After something like that I wouldn’t be able to trust him again and trust is one of the most important things to me in a relationship. Just me though.
A happy relationship doesn’t start out toxic. Leave while you still can. It gets harder when children are involved.
Been down that exact road. You gotta leave.
You are setting a standard for what you will tolerate in the future. He knows that you know but is not showing any remorse. There is nothing that will stop him from doing it again in the future if you stay.
There’s a good chance him “admitting” you deserve better and should leave is him trying to emotionally manipulate you into feeling sorry for him. In the end you have to go with your gut. Would you ever be able to trust him after this?
if you feel you can deal with the cheating and move past it then stay and work it out…if you feel you need time apart to clear your head then leave…sometimes things come apart for better things to come together…and I’m not talking about a “better” person but a better situation, with or without this guy.
When someone tells you/shows you who they are, believe them. He keeps saying you should leave, so maybe you should.
You were insecure without knowing any of this. Now that you know it’s only going to get worse. Just cut your losses and move on. He is telling you, that you deserve better. Believe him.
There’s always someone yelling “leave” 
. Only you two can make this decision. Try working it out and see where it goes. Good luck
The beginning of a relationship is when he should be up your butt the most. It’s all downhill from there
I’d leave that’s horrible. Once a cheater always a cheater
Kick him to the curb. You deserve better.
The fact that you call him are narcissist says to me you should leave.
He is gaslighting you. Nope TF on outta there. Yesterday
Leave! Your story is all too familiar
Sounds like he feels bad dumping you and goes back and forth in Hope’s you do leave,LISTEN TO HIM GET GOING
I would break up. Cheating is a hard no for me.
Look hes telling you what to do. You better listen or you are going to hurt ALOT more. Get out
Walk away and don’t look back
Don’t fall for that crap. That’s what manipulators do.
He doesnt want to be with you. That’s his manipulation to get you to think it’s your idea to leave. He didnt even try to hide the fact that he had cheated he just left it on his phone and that’s weird.
When people tell you who they are, LISTEN!! Leave, like ASAP.
From my own experience if someone tells you you deserve better… Listen to them they see your worth, and they know they arent worth your time…
That, “Yup I am terrible and you should leave” bs is a way that people manipulate you into comforting them when they have hurt you. It is a species of gaslighting.
If you “settle” for this now, what will you be willing to settle for later? Once you’re committed, married, parents? Once it’s too late? Would you want to tell your children you settled? Don’t you think you deserve someone to love you alone? You should! If you don’t value you, neither will they.
Leave. You already answered it. A man that you feel insecure with is not the one for you. The right relationship will make you feel secure and safe.
Leave, it’s scary but you will be a better person for it. Serious!
He still cheating. That’s why he’s telling you to leave. He’s not man enough to say it and will never want to make himself out to be the villain. TRUST. ME.
A narc is very manipulative and in the end you will have to heal from what he does to you. A narc is toxic and you will never come first to him. I don’t/can’t/ won’t ever trust a narcissist … get out while you can…
RUN your future self will thank you!
He’s giving you and out. Chances are he is still sleeping around and is in his own way trying tell you to leave…
If you know hes a narc why are you with him? If you know about narcissistic personality disorder you know hes not going to change.
If he seriously want to work out forgive him
It will be hard but he is basically telling you exactly what to do, leave. You do deserve better. He’s just saying that so you’re not mad, either way get out now
I think you could get someone much better. Get away from him.
He is telling you to leave. Leave. He said you deserve better. You do… I can guarantee by that response. That wasnt the ONLY TIME and he even has future plans of doing the same.
Leave, for real. Just leave
Going through someone’s phone is never a good idea.
Leave and get tested.
Guys will tell you that you deserve better when they know they’re not good enough for you, but don’t care enough to improve. There is better, and you do deserve better
I would leave. You deserve so much better than that. How can you know 100% he hasn’t done it since then. You are only dating and don’t have kids together right? Such a clean break you could have. Bite the bullet. You got this. Realize your self worth! 
If a man tells you that you deserve better, that’s him saying that he’s not willing to BE better for you. Chalk it up to the game girl and say BYE
Only read first sentence/question. All I needed to read.
Why did you give a free pass on that major red flag, I don’t know. 
Fuck this fucker. If you stay and he does it again… never tell anyone and live with the choice you made. I don’t feel bad for anyone who makes the bed to lay in.
If you weren’t “official,” did he know he was in a relationship? Was it clear you were exclusive? Because if someone is actually, knowingly cheating, how likely is it they magically drop all of that behavior just for fun? He either wasn’t aware you were mutually exclusive and dropped the side activity when he realized, or he hasn’t stopped it. We’re a bunch of strangers on the internet. Maybe talk to him and make your own decision? Find a middle ground and communicate better/clearly, and maybe find some counseling for your insecurities and his perceived narcissism? Decide if you can stay and if it’s worth it or walk. Random Facebook comments can’t tell you that unless you’re looking for a scapegoat too.
I think if you have to go through someone’s phone than you have bigger issues than this.
I knw ur upset and I totally understand why but if you really care about him try and make it work with him
Leave. He’s saying you deserve better… 1. You do deserve better and 2. It sounds like he’s manipulating you… reverse psychology…
Ditch him. Now. He can’t be trusted.
He’s just trying to say , he’s not going to stop. So let him go.
Ive learned when they tell u to leave, they really want u to…I guess in some occasions its their way of getting u to pitty them…but IVE also learned careful word placement during confrontation is important
You gotta do what you feel is best in your heart. Relationships survive infidelity all the time. This is something only you can decide. Do what gives you peace. That’s the only advice anybody should give
He told you to leave and you’re looking for reasons to stay.
I’d leave and never look back!! Look ahead!!! when one door closes another one will open!!
Leave, don’t know why you haven’t yet…
Girl… RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN!!! Do I need to stress that any harder???
Hes not serious even now!
He said u should leave hes selfish…he cannot be more clear than that!
Lots of shadiness…red flags red flags
He ain’t all that…u do deserve better
Ur just stubborn and hopeful. u cant change him…my dear…u didnt even make a dent with 2 yrs
He’s saying you should leave, so leave. He isn’t being cute and that’s not a sike out. I don’t believe what he did should have been confronted this way. I think you should have reflected a bit more but his response let’s me know he’s not done with this behavior. Instead of looking for reasons to stay, ask yourself, what is he doing to make me stay?
He isn’t. He’s telling you to go.
If his excuse is “you deserve better” and “you should leave” that’s him WANTING you to leave.
He just used reverse psychology on you and it worked the guy messed up big time and then gets caught and says you should leave me bc so an so … you should be like yeah you know what you are right I’m done bye bc if you don’t this is his proof he can still do it and hide it or you’ll keep him around if he’s caught
He’s 100% correct…you do deserve better! LISTEN!
Leave. I just got out of a 12 year marriage to a selfish SOB. If he told you himself that he is selfish he doesn’t plan to change.
At least he’s honest with you. Why would you stay if you know he’s a narcissist? Like, if he’s a true narcissist and you know this, why the hell would you stay?
He’s telling you that you should leave and that you deserve better… My opinion… He’s wanting you to leave on your own to save you the heartache of him breaking up with you when other things begin to hit the fan. I hate to say it but, he hasn’t changed, he’s just getting better at hiding things. That’s just me speaking from experience (I could be completely wrong 🤷) best of luck 
Educate yourself via YouTube and Facebook pages on narccisists and narcissistic abuse. It’s no joke. They ALL are chronic cheaters. They’re manipulative af, selfish, habitual liars, too.
Get tested for everything asap. Get rid of him. Do some research. Educate yourself.
He’s just told you that you didn’t matter up until a certain point but the fact that he says he’s selfish and you deserve better… he’s telling you the truth. If it happens again and you find out… he already told you 
Narcissist tendencies…they will throw a guilt trip so you feel bad,
You summed it up he is narcissistic. Now he says you guys weren’t serious at the time okay, but he hid it which tells you he knew he was wrong period. Time to go girl or you will be sorry in the end.
What do you think? Can you trust him? He sounds as if he doesn’t think much of himself. Hard to give advice because of so little knowledge. If he cheats on you, will he say you were warned. I wld not trust him myself.
Narcissists are the devil and you need to run away . Dont let his manipulation keep you there. Hes saying leave cause he knows hes a pos ! Dont let reverse psychology work. Bail out before he ruins your heart even more
Can OP message me? I have a story to share…
Tell him to wise up and grow up
Im just gonna leave this here.
He told you to leave because he wants to be free. Leave what more do you need?
I’m going to tell you my story…
I once had suspicions. I was told that I was imagining things. That he loved me and only me. But if I didn’t trust him I should leave. That I was too good for him…eyc etc. I was naive. I believed that he loved me, that I’d been mistaken, and that we could go on with our life plans. We went on for another year or so, made plans to buy a home in a town some distance away. We planned on moving there before we bought. Were going to stay with my relatives there for a few wks until we found an apartment. He went on ahead (he had a business there long before and he was working there that I knew for sure, no reason to distrust him.) We moved our furniture into a storage unit while I waited 2 wks finishing my job etc staying at my brothers. He returned for the wknd as planned. 1 more week to go… He was to return the next wknd and take our furniture and I’d follow in my car.
The next weekend came and he never showed. I couldn’t reach him on his cell. Everyone was worried-no one knew where he went to! This went on for weeks! I was distraught with worry! I never dreamed of this:
My cousin found out he had moved in with his ex girlfriend. Leaving me without a home, everything we owned in storage, and didn’t have the decency to even tell me he was leaving.
Long story, sorry. But I want you to realize this… He TOLD ME TO LEAVE a year before but I was too naive to know back then. Your story is mine basically. Trust me!
Just go. Save yourself a heartache later on. He knows that it’s not where he wants to be. Listen to what he’s saying.
He told you to leave. There’s your answer.
Leave. I wish i can leave but wirh xmas right at the door step, its hard. Even shelters are not available this time of year. My ex cheated a lot. And i wish i had left when he first cheated. But staying isn’t good. I can never trust him. I haven’t trusted hin for a long while. It gets to me every day, and some days i break down crying cause i seen every conversation. Every. Single. One. And it hurts. Leave while you can. And yeah, the narcissistic ways dont stop until they actually want it to, and thats rare. No relationship is worth the mental and emotional trauma.
If he’s telling you that then believe him. Don’t try to rationalize or justify. You deserve better
Run. He is manipulating you.
You opened Pandora’s Box. It’ll never be the same again and you’ll not ever fully trust him. If you’re ok with living that way , then stay… but know you’ll kick yourself later if it ever happens again.
Don’t walk run there is no love your wasting time your life
He obviously wants you to leave. He just doesn’t have the nerve to say that he wants you to leave so he just says you deserve better. Well guess what, you do deserve better. Find someone you can trust.
If you stay your telling him to do it again. He will see where your boundaries are. If it’s meant to be it’ll be. But don’t lower your standards and let him see it.
He’s telling you to leave, so you should leave. If he really wanted you to stay he’s be saying and doing a lot more than just you should leave.
If you have to ask, you already know the answer.
Once a cheater always a cheater. Don’t waste ur time, u will never be able to forgive him. Better to leave now, than to stay
When you told him you knew, he first response was telling you to leave?? There’s your answer right there. He works with one of them and you’re okay with that too? Stay strong girl. I cant imagine how painful and emotional this is right now.
If he’s telling you that you deserve better. BELIEVE HIM.
Literally just read something that said when a guy says “you deserve better” you should listen because what he means is, you do deserve better but he’s not willing to be what you deserve. 
kinda made sense.
Leave. Find someone better. Do the cheaters ever really stop?
Well I messed up like that when me and my now husband got together…I love the fuck out of this man. I left out of remorse that I didn’t tell him before he found out and it was embarrassment. Idk what you wanna do…BUT I said the same thing he said to u.
It can’t go back to the way it was you will never trust him again and it will be a problem or fight often that its really not worth it unless you can fully forgive and not bring it up every fight you have and let yourself trust him again
You’re in denial and deep down you want to stay, but you know it’s the wrong decision. My advice? Go against what you want and leave. Move out of your comfort zone.
See what happens when ya snoop?? Lol
You two have different definitions of what “official” means. Sounds like he wasnt aware you two were in an exclusive relationship as early as you thought.
That would be a deal breaker if you went through my phone by the way. Would you be ok with him going through your purse? I may have nothing to hide but I would be really offended with anybody assuming it’s ok to rummage through my personal stuff.
Sounds like you were more serious than he ever was. You knew it or you wouldnt have gone through his phone.
Call his bluff and leave… Then you will see his true colours.
Leave. Once you find out they have been unfaithful to you, nothing will be quite the same. Or at least it wasn’t for me. Trust never came back and the paranoia stayed until I finally came to the realization that yes, just like he was telling me every time I found out, that I deserved better and should leave if I wanted to. So I finally did.