I found out my ex is cheating on his girlfriend and I don't want this affecting our son: Advice?

So I’m a little stuck on what I can do here. Long story short, I received a few screenshots of messages proving that my ex-partner, with who I share a three-year-old with 50/50, is cheating on his current girlfriend. Now want to be clear that I have no interest in what happens in their relationship; I’m solely concerned for my son. This is where it affects my son …my ex and his partner also have a six-month-old and live with HER mother. I don’t want my son caught up in his dad’s repercussions for his behavior and having to uproot his life when she finds out and wants them gone. I’ve spoken to my ex’s parents about it ( as they were very supportive and always had my sons best interest in mind when he did it to me), and they said they talk to him about it, but I don’t know what else to do to stop my son being exposed to it all. Has anyone been in a similar situation? The thought of applying for more custody has obviously come up, but I don’t know if these are big enough things to change anything because I obviously know when it comes to my son, I will have the biggest concerns.

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I think it doesn’t involve you. That is their relationship and if something happens and he has to move, then your son could stay with you if his father doesn’t find a place to live. If he can’t take care of him any longer then you can get more custody. Getting in the middle of their relationship won’t benefit anyone, but will probably make things worse for you and your ex which is bad for your son. I think you should just stay out of. You’ve talked to the parents, which was probably not your place. What he is doing in his personal life or who he cheated on or with has nothing to do with you or your son. At all.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I found out my ex is cheating on his girlfriend and I don't want this affecting our son: Advice?

A judge isn’t going to give you more just because dad is cheating.

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The judge will not change an order just based on this nor alter visits. What his dad does with him on his time ain’t your business if he isn’t being abused. Here if you go to court over non serious issues a judge will start taking custody from you so be careful.

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It’s out of your hands & none of your business as long as your son is not being hurt.

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I feel your concern . But a judge won’t change custody over this . Unless you can prove it’s a toxic environment or he is abusing your child .no judge will change custody . Specially if you are both doing your job of keeping the relationship limited to co parenting

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It seems like it’s really not any of your business. Eventually things will come to light and if they do end up splitting up, you can always reach out to her about getting the kids together.

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Sorry judge won’t do anything abt it. Your son will adapt to it in the end regardless of the outcome. N FYI mind your own business so unless it’s physically affecting your son keep your nose outta your exes business

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Mind ya own damn business!

whoever sent you the screenshots should have sent them to his current girlfriend

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Now if the dad ends up getting kicked out and has nowhere to live, then a judge might grant temporary orders until the child has a safe place to be during his time with his dad.

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If it’s not affecting his parenting abilities honestly I would leave it alone. He will reap what he sows. I understand you are trying to do what’s best, I think staying out of it would be best. Deal with whatever is to be down the line. Not sure it’s your place unfortunately. Good luck :+1:t3:

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I understand your concern. My question is will his current gf hurt your child? Will her finding out cause a fight or scary situation when your child is around? Those I can see worrying about because you definitely don’t want your kid around that , but what happens on dad’s time happens on his time :woman_shrugging:t2: . Uprooting your 3 year old well it really wouldn’t be uprooting if your life with the child is the same. Yes dad’s having personal issues and might be living somewhere else but that happens :woman_shrugging:t2: it’s life. I would just keep co parenting with dad.

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All these girls saying leave it alone and I agree but that poor girl is being cheated on :confused::confused::confused:

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Stay out of it. Not your concern sorry

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Lol this is pathetic

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None of your business. They could break up over not taking the trash out or who ate the last twinkie. Their stuff is outta your hands as it should be.

Stay Out Of Their Drama. Let Them Work It Out And See What Happens. This Shouldn’t Stop Him From Loving His Kids.

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I don’t understand why everyone is saying mind your own business when your child is your business. If dad gets kicked out where is he going to be staying with your child? That is DEFINITELY your business, and everyone who is saying they would mind their own business about it I guarantee you wouldn’t knowing you have no idea where your child is going to be staying with his father. Having a cheating POS for a father also causes trauma in their children and trust issues. Trust me I know from experience, she has every right to know what kind of environment her child is in.

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None of your business

This is the problem with baby mama and baby daddy relationships if you don’t worry about what the other parent is doing you aren’t going to have issues in your parenting life what does this have to do with how your sons father parents him?

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If you’re truly concerned for your son I would suggest being there for him, letting him know that it’s not his fault and maybe play therapy to help further process his emotions.

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Clearly if he gets kicked automatically you’ll have your son more. I feel the real question is should I prepare to have my ex back in my home and see if things work this time? And will he forgive me if I tell her?

Like wtf would send you evidence of him cheating on her and not send it to her. Where do you even factor in?

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How can you guys say “stay out of it” and “it’s not your business” when a 3year old who has been around another woman and her family could possibly not ever see this woman again or as much!? This can cause emotional distress to young children who do not understand what’s taking place or why things are the way they are.

I wouldn’t dive too far into it but definitely tell him that someone has involved you with providing proof and he needs to be more mindful of his children in this situation. Is his lust for other women stronger than his concern for his children’s mental stability!? I mean I would even express that if he isn’t ready to be faithful to keep himself out of relationships because that relationship doesn’t just involve him but also his two children.

Show her the proof that way when she confronts him its when u have the kid

There will be thousands of things directly and indirectly that will involve your son in his life. Learn and accept that you will not be able to control 90% of them. Focus on being the best mom you can be and stay in your own lane.

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Mind your damn business

It’s none of your business! When she finds out, don’t send your son

A judge is going to tell you that his sex life isn’t your business unless your son is being harmed.They will say his relationship isn’t your business either unless he’s being harmed in some way.Him cheating on his girl isn’t harming your son unless there’s violence or sex drugs neglect anything like that.Custody can be difficult because things that concern you wouldn’t concern a judge because your ex has 50/50 rights.I would be concerned just like you about where he would go with your baby to but he has to be able to provide him with a safe and healthy home if he does get kicked out and he’s homeless go to the court house apply for emergency hearing…If I was this girl I would want to know but it also could cause you and your ex problems.Tred lightly if you do tell her maybe you can find someone else to do it or find a way that they won’t know it was you.GOOD LUCK

It’s honestly not your business. So long as your son is still being taken care of while In his fathers custody then you have no say who he sleeps with/cheats on/ etc.

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Lies lies and more lies how bout you be honest about why your doing this

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Sit down with you’re ex and tell him.
Don’t say that ypure going to tell the new girlfriend about what’s happening, talk and say this isn’t right and that you’refeeling unsure about thus if she was, to find out about it blah blah blah…
And that you feel it’s unsafe due to you’re son being around the situation…
What would he do if she kicked him and you’re son out ? They are the questions that I would saying.
Other then that I would let them work out , their side.
Not right. If his not happy then he should leave.
By the sounds of it his not ready for a full commitment * dad duty * seems once he has a kid to a girl his off, making another.
:disappointed: sad really.

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Its none of your business plain and simple, even with your sons interest at heart.
But, I’m confused why you don’t take this opportunity to take your son more and keep with with you. Especially when his life uproot its going to need to happen anyways with transition don’t make him go through that part.
You cannot control what the other parent does

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Well he has the custody and it’s none of your business quite sure he’ll work it out.

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As long as you have a house over your head and a room for your son at your house… Why are we worried if his new girlfriend kicks him out. All that means is your son will be home more… Because obviously if his dad doesn’t have a place of residence then he cant properly see or take care of his child to best of his abilities. Just continue to gloat in science.
On the other hand! You’re probably happy he’s doing the same thing to her he did to you. So go take care of your son make sure he’s good and stay out of his daddy’s BUSINESS.

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Yall grimy. Really… no one would care if their man was messing around?
Let me tell ya something. My ex cheated on me and did drugd behind my back our entire relationship. .if ANYONE would have had the balls to tell me i would have been thankful as hell… Because then I WOULD HAVE HAD THE CHOICE yo be a dumb ass and stay. Or cut ties and not only save myself the headache but save my kids from a man claiming them then dipping out after years.
Nope. All his homies watched him convince me to have another baby, quit my job and stay home KNOWING he was doing all that then some.
That’s some pussy shit.
Give 2 shits about loyalty. We’re adults now with adult consequences…

Send her the screen shots. What he gonna do? Take you to court and cry that you told the truth? Fuckin wa…

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Girl, you better learn your place and mind your own business :rofl:

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Notice she said “wanting them gone”. My question is, you had no worries about his and your son’s living arrangements before you got the news? Girl bye.

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If the custody isn’t legally required I’d keep my kid until that smoke clears.

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Butt out. His life. His problems. Doesn’t make him an incompetent father.

Soooo…someone sent you screenshots proving your ex is cheating…sounds like you and your friends are messy. Who your ex is doing is none of your business… interesting he has custody of your son…lives with his girlfriends parents…and the judge thought he was the more stable parent…maybe you should worry more about what you have to offer your child besides mess.

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I have 3 words for you: mind your business.

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I can’t see why custody would need addressed. He may need a little extra help while he gets on his feet, short term. That’s what’s best for the child. Seriously, do better.

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God? Is that you? It’s me, Margaret. :rofl:

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Y’know what, you sound like a brilliant mum, whose putting her own child first! It’s right that you’d want to shield your child from unnecessary pain and anguish, sadly you won’t be able to eradicate it all, but be the support if it does happen, and please try to keep contact with your ex’s partner purely for the sibling your child has. That relationship between the 2 is still important to maintain. My best advice regarding your ex cheating on his current partner is to give him an ultimatum, either he tells his partner what’s going on or you will, as sooner or later it will come out and you’ll accidentally slip up by saying you knew to someone, and his partner will see you as the enemy who stood by and did nothing. Its gonna get messy no matter what, but atleast this way you have control to an extent at how messy it’ll get on YOUR behalf. If your ex doesn’t like the ultimatum, tell him his behaviour is the issue not you. Goodluck

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Why is anyone sending you, the “unconcerned ex” screenshots of his cheating with his current gf? Sounds like you are very much caught up in the drama, and you know how to not get involved… just don’t… it’s simple. People use their kids as the reason they are concerned about their exes situation and this one seems like the case. Just bc your ex may or may not have relationship issues in the future doesn’t mean he can’t be a good parent to your child. If he gets kicked out, then worse case scenario the child stays with you more until he gets settled but visitations continue, just not at the gf house. I don’t see the issue here.

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Wouldn’t there be less drama if his current GF doesn’t find out, and they continue on their way?
None of your business what or who he is doing, stay out of it.

Simple… it’s Not you business, stay out of it. You will just create drama and that will affect your son. Let it be, it’s his relationship.

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All y’all saying it isn’t her business must not have kids. It’s clearly her business because they SHARE custody of a child! When the dad gets kicked out for cheating he won’t have a stable home anymore therefore the child won’t be able to see his dad as much! That does affect her child.

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From another perspective if I was a new mum, I would want to know if my partners cheating

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Sounds like you just want her to find out so she feels the hurt that you felt when he did the same to you. Not telling her would be less drama for your son. If shes gonna find out she will. I get that he hurt you but why would you want to make her feel that same hurt?

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I found out my ex is cheating on his girlfriend and I don't want this affecting our son: Advice?

I’d wait until she finds out and see what she does. I’ve noticed a lot of women seem to forgive the cheating vs making them leave. My ex has cheated on his girlfriend from day 1 and she knows it but is still with him and even pushing him to marry her once mine and his divorce is finalized. (She does kick him out for a couple days but then begs him to come back and hes also begged to go back because he has no where else to go). He even had a baby behind her back and she overlooked it. If she is smart and makes him leave then there just may be some time where you have y’all’s son full time until he has somewhere else to live.

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It’s none of your business. Chill

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It’s none of you business

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Be there for your son. Let him know its not his fault. And possibly play therapy to further process his emotions.

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This is why I want my ex to have visitations only. He cheats, lies and can’t be honest about anything. I am always worried about what my kids would be expose to if he’s around.

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Sit down with you’re ex and tell him.
Don’t say that ypure going to tell the new girlfriend about what’s happening, talk and say this isn’t right and that you’refeeling unsure about thus if she was, to find out about it blah blah blah…
And that you feel it’s unsafe due to you’re son being around the situation…
What would he do if she kicked him and you’re son out ? They are the questions that I would saying.
Other then that I would let them work out , their side.
Not right. If his not happy then he should leave.
By the sounds of it his not ready for a full commitment * dad duty * seems once he has a kid to a girl his off, making another.
:disappointed: sad really.

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Not your business :woman_shrugging:

The fact that someone is still sending you screen shots of your ex is a little weird :woozy_face:

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Mind your business. That’s the only way it won’t affect your son.

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Clearly she’s minding her business if she hasn’t already sent the proof to the new girlfriend. As a mother of 5 I understand her concern, she doesn’t want her kid bouncing from home to home if the girlfriend kids the cheater out. She also doesn’t want to say anything to the girlfriend as she doesn’t want to be involved. I left my son’s father over 11 years ago and STILL receive messages about him. Do I care? No. But it’s nice to know he’s still a junkie in and out of jail and I made the right choice by walking away completely and taking my son from him completely so he isn’t exposed to that life style. At the end of the day we don’t know if it was HER friend that sent the proof, so we can’t pass judgment on her there. Maybe just talk to the dad and explain that you know what he’s doing and you want to make sure that if the girlfriend kicks him out he will have stable housing for the child on his time. .

I would just stay out not your business unless she asks you then it’s your business

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I found out my ex is cheating on his girlfriend and I don't want this affecting our son: Advice?

Him cheating has nothing to do with custody and the courts see it that way too. If the child remains taken care of (bathed, fed, housing) then the courts will not usually do anything because his ability to be a father has nothing to do with his ability to be a good partner. I would stay out of it after I printed the texts and mailed them to the girlfriend anonymously :relaxed:

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If you’re in a no fault state, his infidelity won’t effect child support. I will say if you have substantial proof not just hearsay messages, tell the girlfriend. She deserves to know.

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I would stay out of it, not my business any longer.

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As a mother you try to be the protector at all times you try to shelter your kid as much as possible but truth be told his dad isn’t putting him in any danger so I wouldn’t change it us as mothers or parents try to shelter our kids from real live incidents he is young he doesn’t understand & when he gets of age he’ll see for himself you just continue to guide him in the right direction you’re only responsible for YOUR actions

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I am all for being a mom and trying to keep your son from being exposed to drama, but your ex’s drama is beyond your control and none of your business actually. Whats to say this BS goes down when your son is at his dad’s? What’s to say this cheating hasn’t been addressed already between him and his current gf? And ultimately your ex is a full adult (he may not be smart, but that’s a different post)who can make his own decisions and figure out his own mess and while he does that, your just gonna have to be ready to keep your son while your ex gets it situated.

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Send her the screenshots. Let her know what he’s doing now before it goes further. You keep your son, let the cheating idiot live on the streets. Your son is 3, this is the best time to do it because he isn’t going to remember a lot of the backlash. If you let him get away with it she will eventually find out and do you want to give it a couple more years of bonding between the kid and his stepmom before his life is uprooted? It’s not like the ex is going to stop what he’s doing. Don’t give him a chance to come up with lies to cover his ass, TELL HER NOW.

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I would tell her. I wished someone would have told me. She will eventually find out either way and she will kick him out. Why would him cheating on his current gf affect custody? If he sees his son and is involved don’t take him away from him simply because he sucks at respecting women. He will eventually find his own place or could possibly live with his parents.

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leave it be. u cant get more custody just cause he cheated on his w.e she.n is to him. stop trying to cotrol it and let it run its clurse. ur son will be fine

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I’d mind me own. Tbh. —.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I found out my ex is cheating on his girlfriend and I don't want this affecting our son: Advice?

I understand that your concerned about your son, but in all honesty it’s non of your business until it does effect him. I would personally stay out of it. Talk to your ex then let it be.

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Let him make his mistakes.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I found out my ex is cheating on his girlfriend and I don't want this affecting our son: Advice?

I’m not sure there is much you can do to protect him from his fathers choices. Your son will eventually see his true colors, you just have to give it time. Be the best momma you can be. Guide him, raise him with morals and respect and pray that he grows up to be a better man. Good luck to you and your sweet boy.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I found out my ex is cheating on his girlfriend and I don't want this affecting our son: Advice?

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Mind your own business. His life has nothing to do with you. Flip reverse it and you were in his shoes, would you appreciate him interfering?? Let him go …:pleading_face:

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Girl don’t be trying to get us to co-sign your mess. Mind your business. That has nothing to do with you or that baby. If the current girlfriend finds out and kicks him out he can go stay with his parents since you yourself say they’re so supportive. Or are you saying the father is only capable of caring for his child if he lives with a girlfriend​:face_with_monocle::face_with_monocle:

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It’s not your concern unfortunately.

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I’d tell his new girlfriend and explain that u didn’t want to interfear but u had to because your thinking of your son and you don’t want your son around if/when things blow up, I 100% understand where your coming from!! your child can’t be around that unsettled life of his father moving to one woman then another, if it was the other way round then people would have more things to say xx

Sorry but there’s really nothing you can do. You cannot control your ex’s life or what nonsense he will put your son through and likely because his life isn’t in immediate danger the court may not consider additional custody.
The best you can do is just be a good mother when you have custody.
He’s the loser for making poor choices and there’s nothing you can do to control his choices.

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Parents that go to court over things like this are litigious and you can’t change my mind. Idk why OP or anyone else would think that custody can be changed over a fear that something potentially bad ~could~ happen. I thought it was pretty clear that the burden of proof someone was behaving contrary to the best interest of the child was required. My life was “uprooted” when my female roommate decided to give me less than a months notice that she wanted to live alone with her boyfriend she barely knew and play house. Yeah, cheating is terrible and he sounds like scum, but some parents that apparently have never experienced family court appear to be on here encouraging this :clown_face:

Keep your son while dad moves into a new place, I’m sure he would appreciate it. Don’t act for one second like serving your ex with official court documents that he has been cheating on her is anything but a selfish move. You’d be instigating drama in front of your son. You know darn well that would be a completely AWFUL way to find out your partner is cheating on you. Just remember that if you go to court over this, you are setting a standard that you believe exiting a relationship or living situation is a bad thing, and don’t act shocked if he does the same to you.

Some of y’all “women” be wild…don’t tell her. Wtf happen to girl code. That woman just gave birth with that man and he turns around and cheats and some of y’all have the audacity to tell a woman who’s been through the same thing with her own child not to tell her. Wtf is wrong with y’all?

Girl you need to have an adult conversation with the girlfriend first about where she stands in your child’s life/where her child stands in your babies life and how much that means to your child at the of the day and then explain the situation that she needs to consider all parties involved when making her future choices. You want nothing for the best for your child and certainly want to avoid them being hurt by adult life while being so vulnerable. Less drama for your son what happens if she finds out you knew before anyone told her and she expected a little more outta you because y’all family at the end of the day/you been through the same thing and now she wants to take it out on you and your baby.

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If you feel it’s your business than be direct about it and show his GF. I don’t understand why someone would send you screenshots unless they know you like to stir up drama. As for you ex not having a place to stay, it sounds like he has great parents. You son can visit and spend time with him at his grandparents or a park. As for the excuse he is your ex and you care so much about the situation because it affects your son, I’m not 100% buying into that story. I have 3 kids and divorced their father several years ago. It is not my responsibility to make sure he had a place to live and I certainly don’t care about his love life. He is my ex and that means their are boundaries. It sounds like you still have feelings for him. If you do that ok, it’s your business.

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Whatever is gonna happen with their relationship is out of your control. He made those choices, and the only thing I would advise is stop getting in their business and make sure u have a cordial relationship with other baby mom so regardless of dad your child has a relationship with his sibling

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Some of these comments…whewwww y’all gonna have a bad time when your rnen cheat on ya. Nobody gonna tell you and the whole internet gonna think you don’t deserve to know. Grown ups where?

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Why are you the one getting screenshots of his cheating if your unconcerned about what’s going on with him? Surely everybody knows you guys aren’t together?

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Mind your own business. Not your relationship, not your problem. Your son will be fine, but if you stick your nose in where it is not wanted, you will end up being the bad guy. Just stay out.

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SHE NEVER SAID SHE WAS GOING TO TELL ANYONE. Geez people. She is concerned when the sh*t hits the fan, and it WILL, that the ex won’t have a stable place for her child to go to when they are spending thier time with him. They have 50/50 custody, I would be concerned too because my child would be there with him. Sorry not sorry.

As for someone sending the screenies, uhmm y’all ever think that maybe it’s the person who sent them is the one who is in the drama and likes it. Just because you receive a d**k pic does that mean you asked for it. Same thing different scenarios.

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Him cheating on his girlfriend won’t be cause for a custody order change.

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I’m tryna figure out why you even getting info on their relationship anyway? :thinking:

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I think you should stay out of it as much as possible. Maybe mention to your ex that you know and you are worried what might happen if she finds out. He may have already told her. See his reaction, tell him if it’s going to get messy that maybe you should have your son until he’s sorted his issues out. You want to share custody but you don’t want his actions to affect your child and if things are going to get negative let you know so you can keep the son away for a few weeks x

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Not your business. The girl code instinct in me is screaming differently but ex baby mama getting involved may cause the drama you are trying to avoid.

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Please tell this poor woman before he gives her AIDS or something.

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I’d take my kid and say BE GONE SEMEN DEMON :joy::sob: jk I don’t really like other females…too messy. Keep other people out of your business hun. She will probably just try to fight you lmao.

I don’t think you can get more custody even if she puts him out. All he needs is a place to stay when he has the child. Him being homeless when the child isn’t with him doesn’t mean anything. So basically if his mom lets him stay with her when he has the child overnights then he still gets his visitation. My ex was just renting a tiny bedroom so on his weekends he took his kids to his moms, cousins or sister home and the courts allowed it

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Seems you nose is where it shouldn’t be.
If and when it hits the fan the best thing as a mother you can do is be there for YOUR child.

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