Telling you that his gonna harm himself if you leave is abuse. Not only has he cheated his mentally abusing you to. Leave he cheated once who’s to say he won’t cheat again. His lied to your face for 2 years. You deserve so much better x
Threatening to harm himself is his way of emotionally blackmailing you into staying, tell him to crack on as you can do better than that. Makes no difference how long before you got married this was, cheating is cheating, you have every right to feel crushed. Don’t just stay because of the kids, because if you can’t put it behind you and can’t trust him again your relationship will end up toxic and you don’t want your children growing up in that environment.
He’s telling you to how to feel. It’s telling you how to respond to the situation. He’s emotionally blackmailing you in to staying by threatening self harm. All of these, in my opinion are far greater cause for concern than him actually cheating. He won’t change but you can. You can leave. My god it’s hard to leave but for the sake of your health, well-being and that of your children, you should seriously start making a get out plan.
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He ain’t harm himself. It’s a firm of manipulation. And if he does, that’s his fault not yours. He’ll do it again cause he knows he’ll get away with it and he’ll thrashed to hurt himself and blah blah blah… it’s a cycle. Better to be alone then to be with bad company
Last fling before he put the ring on your finger!
Then just give up on everything,and go back home,then all will be ok,right!
If it was years ago and hes not still thinking about her he would’ve deleted those messages . Just sayin. Hes not done cheating. Just my thoughts…
I would NOT stay with someone that threatens you that he will harm himself!! Go back home!!
Once a cheater, always a cheater unfortunately
Marriage is for better or worse. He didn’t have relationship why in marriage, so keep your husband tight by your side.
I would be very angry with him & ask him did it only ask you marry him because he cheated on you if he wouldn’t of cheated would he still of ask you marry him the day he did & you have a right to be up set & angry he married you knowing he cheated on you if he done it once nothing will stop him doing it again & me I wouldn’t be able to trust him again that’s one thing you need think about can you trust him if not do you think you ever will if not them it’s better to be honest & think what do next it’s easy for him to say forget about it but it’s all new to you & can you ever forget about it & im sorry but he is trying to blackmail you by saying he will harm him self I’m sorry but that’s disgusting of him to say that how dare he do that to you & your children to try get you stay that’s it wrong bigtime no person should ever say that he doesn’t have a clue what it’s like to lose someone because they took there life you never forget that & for him try blackmail you with that is dame right wrong shame on him for doing that do what you think is better for you & your children that’s what comes first you & your babies & if he can’t accept that that’s his problem
Babe iv just come out a relationship after 13 years and 2 kiddies he was cheating on me for 2 years told his bit on the side his son scan picture was his new nephew… it’s hard to walk away but trust me once you dont it you wont look back… me and my babies are alot happier and fount living and re building a life without daddy was hard at first bit you soon get use to it… dont stay for the wrong reasons xxx
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So let me get this straight …. He cheated two years ago , then he proposed to you…. Now you are married and have children together ? Correct?
Did you ever think that he had that affair and realized he wanted to be with you hence the proposal ???
My advise to anyone… if you are going to snoop, are you prepared for what you may find?, if so what actions are YOU prepared to take ?
Has this man been a good provider?, has he been there when you need him to be?, is he kind to you? Is he home nightly?
This discretion happened before you said I do to him.
There is a definite trust issue that has been broken on both sides… you thought that you were THE only one while dating … while he thought he could leave his personal phone anywhere and it would be his- until you broke into his phone.( meaning did you ask him if you could browse through his phone or answer anyone who contacted him?)
From what you have said it sounds as though he’s over whatever happened before he made a lifetime commitment to you…
If there is to be trust it has to be on both sides….
I have been on both sides. It takes patience and a lot of communication to rebuild trust. But you have to look into the relationship that is present not what happened before you got married to see if there is a relationship to have and to hold.
Best wishes to you and your husband.
Do not let ANYONE emotionally blackmail you!… EVER!!!
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It depends whether you can bring yourself to accept it and move on. It’s such a hard situation to be in 
do you think you can trust him again after that? Will you always be second guessing him and suspicious? If yes, save yourself the pain and leave now. If you think you can find it in you to forgive him, then do it. But also, him saying it doesn’t matter because I was years ago, and threatening to harm himself, is manipulative and narcissistic. How the hell does he feel like he can guilt trip you after what he did? Massive red flag. Don’t take any shit from him any more. Just do what’s best for you xx
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I’d be a goner. Sorry, he isn’t worth any more of your time
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Taking out the cheating, do you still love him, want to be with him etc. Work out how you really feel. If you do then amazing and work things out. If not then please find the strength to leave x
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Whatever he did before taking vows is irrelevant it may lack trust but he wasn’t your husband. The other craziness is reason enough get-away 
I don’t know if this is a tough situation. Now you’re married and there’s a lot more at risk. I don’t think I could trust somebody that cheated on me before we were married. I don’t care if we’re married or not the fact that he wasn’t honest with you before you were married speak volumes
Kick him out on his arse,with nothing. They are an EX for a reason never go back he fucked up not you.
He kept the messages for 2 years ??
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Why were you looking through his phone and texts from years ago? Did you suspect him of doing something recently?
I know everyone says leave but you can be sure that it is more likely you will be on your own with your kids
Did you have a feeling that he had cheated by going through his phone? Something strange comes to mind that he asked for you to be married one week after he cheated, guilty conscience? The once a cheater always a cheater I don’t believe it true,
But I think the difference is the fact YOU found out, HE didn’t tell you, if you didn’t find out would he of ever told you? Would he ever of been truthful? What else hasn’t he been truthful about? You’ll always have on the back of your mind the fact he might do something else, you need to leave for your sainity xxx
He is very manipulative and gaslight your feelings like it’s nothing. Take your days. He will not harm himself.
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Tbf the fact you questioned it pretty much answers your question
He is a Narcissist
Don’t make the mistake many of us have. Leave
It happened before you got married.
BEFORE.
What part of that do you not quite understand?
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Plenty of good guys out there
Idiot be grateful someone wants you
Threatens to hurt himself? RUN. Take your babies and run.
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I would seek guidance from a professional rather than from Facebook.
Marriage is a different kind of relationship - it’s hard to say “just leave”
Because marriage doesn’t work that way.
Infidelity can be addressed, processed and worked through. It all depends on you and your spouse not what randoms on social media think (myself included).
Having your feelings dismissed is painful- however right now - there is no cheating and there is nothing happening (that I read from your post)
So maybe considering marriage therapy. Or guidance from a trusted source .
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I suggest you get some counseling before you make any life changing decisions
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If you don’t want to leave, marriage counseling is needed. He is not taking responsibility for his behavior.
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So he kept the message from 2years…cheaters are unbelievable 
. I hope you heal and do what is best for you… The kids will be okay whatever decision you take. You are the one you need to look after:heart:
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I firmly do not believe once a cheater always a cheater. I have cheated on all my ex-boyfriend‘s but I would never cheat on my husband. I do absolutely think he is wrong and that was absolutely shitty but it has been years and I’m sure you guys are in a different place than you used to be. Look into counseling
He loves himself way to much to hurt himself so honestly girl walk away !
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There are 2 babies involved if it was 2 years ago, I believe she might find forgiveness and give him another chance people mature
You stay with him. If this happened before you got married he DID NOT CHEATon you. You said he did this before he asked you to marry you.
It has been two years and two children are involved that doesn’t mean he has cheated since. Give him a chance to prove he is sorry
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Leave he won’t hurt himself he just says that ro get you to stay and make you feel guilty for wanting some space
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Don’t stay because he said he would hurt him self take the time you don’t him to you’s it every time you fight
Couples counseling. You have children
Can’t change the past, is the now and future important to you. Only you can make this decision
The threat can be real or manipulation. Does he manipulate to control
If I where you, I’d start hiding money, looking for my own place and once You have everything sorted and feel mentally fit too, leave him
Your allowed emotions and he should let you have space. Ultimately it’s up to you if you stay or not. We don’t know where your heart is or if you can move past it.
Take a few days 
Leave the house and call the police for a welfare check.
Him threatening to harm himself is not on and it’s a form of emotional abuse. Do not take shit from him
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