Harm himself what whimp he is looking for sympathy leave him he’ll do it again,at the end of the day it’s still your choice,goodluck.
i wouldnt be worried about what he did before you were married, but i would be very concerned about the threat to harm himself. thats control behaviour
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Just forget about it. It’s not worth breaking up your family. You weren’t married, it was BEFORE he proposed to YOU, he married YOU. Just let it go. Your children need your family to be together and he chose YOU.
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What he did prior isn’t even the bad part. What he did when you confronted him is the bad part.
My opinion get an order of protection immediately and take your son and run.
The fact that he threatened harm to himself when you simply said you wanted to take time to think!?!? No, no. That’s a huge red flag. He is using serious narcissistic controlling tactics. And that will only get worse. Trust me it will only get worse.
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If it was THAT long ago and he’s not continuing that behavior and u really love him why let it ruin ur marriage. People do make mistake. No cheating is not ok, but he married YOU! Let it go. It was before yal we’re married!
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Also if it bothers u that bad, seek marriage counseling
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His reaction is enough. Leave until he can grow up and face the consequences of his actions. He isn’t gonna hurt himself. He’s trying to control you by saying that. Do you need to split up? Maybe not… But he needs to know that he isn’t going to control you.
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He wont my ex was always killing himself he is still here 30 years later . They just want to control you
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He didnt give a fuck about you when he was sticking his dick in someone else. Brutal, but you need to be as hard back and know your worth!!!
Are you serious! His response to you need space is to threaten to harm himself. That in its self is what would make me want to leave forever😳 notonly is he a cheat but a manipulator
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All men do that! That’s a mental way too control you!!! I put up with those threats for years from a drunk who refused to stop drinking and I said I don’t want too live with a drunk,God has a purpose in life for me and it’s not too raise a drunk.Finally I just said DO IT I don’t care just like you don’t care that staying drunk bothers me! Well,he stopped threatening too kill himself after that!
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If dude has cheating messages in his phone STILL from 2yrs ago, girl he doing shady💩 still… There’s a reason he kept them… also threatening harm on himself is Narcissist 101
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Thing is he has no problem with what he did and now is trying to force you to accept it.
He will continue to have this pattern and you cannot change it because he will do what he wants and then dismiss your reaction to it, you cannot change that.
And it will escalate each time because they want to continue to get away with it.
This is just how some people are and you have to decide if you want to live with that.
They didn’t tell you because they want to control you and your reaction.
(In this case wants to be able to find other people while keeping you hostage until they are ready to move on)
Every thing is to their advantage because you are just something they are using.
But they will say words you want to hear each time and you have to decide how you want to live.
This is now your decision.
But FYI, the self harm thing is a way to guilt and control you.
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If you were looking for a reason there is your answer because your asking for advice makes me think you already know what to do but is just afraid to take that step
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honey maybe he relies he make a mistake and guilt you should feel luck most men don’t guilt think about it
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He’s not going to hurt himself. He’s just saying that to manipulate you. Get out. Go. Now.
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Please get out I stayed with a man for years because he threatened suicide multiple times after saying I wanted a break once he knew that worked it just got worse and worse… I was pregnant with his son so I wanted to work on things he cheated multiple times gave me HPV in the end which I am now having to have monitored due to it possibly turning to cancerous cells. Cheating isn’t just about the cheating it is the risk you are being put at also. Eventually he turned violent and started harming me continuously everytime I wanted to leave he would threatened harm on himself and I would stay for his sake. He never once followed through and he left me in the end in a shit tone of debt fighting abnormal cells due to a std you cannot protect against and never sees his child. That man is still sleeping around spreading this to women he could cause serious harm to.
I am now with a new partner we are getting married and expecting a child together. Things do get better please darling get out especially if he still has these messages there was no need to keep them if it meant nothing. Its a trophy to him he chose you thinking you won’t leave him no matter what he does.
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Hes still cheating leave his sorry a@@ i hate controlling pos
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You need to get out girl! That’s a big red flag for being toxic and controlling
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I would leave. If there was one there could be others. It doesn’t matter that it was 2 years ago he still betrayed you. And threatening to harm himself is him trying to make you feel guilty and control you. If you feel like you can’t move on and it hurts you then don’t feel bad about leaving. He made the choice to cheat, he has to deal with the consequences.
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Him threatening to harm himself if you leave is a Manipulation tactic and its abuse. You do what you feel is right
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Him hurting himself is NOT on you. I used to tell my brother that all the time when his ex would threaten the same thing. If you need a few days, take a few days, hell take a month. Figure out what is best for YOU and your kids
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Wow, for all of you saying, once a cheat, always a cheat. NOT TRUE.
I will admit that I cheated ALOT during my first marraige. My current wife that I have been with for 11 years, and Married as of 8 last monday ( 21 June ) also cheated on her ex ALOT.
Neither one of us have cheated on each other. EVER. So the, once a cheater, always a cheater is NOT true at all.
Now, as for the woman who is saying, he cheated BEFORE they were married, has he cheated since? If he hasn’t, than let it go, if you’ve been married a few years and you knew about it, all your wanting now is just attention from everyone. I’m sorry, but if you knew years ago he was cheating, than why did you get with him in the first place after knowing? How long have you known?
Now as for him saying he will hurt himself, that in itself is cry for attention to himself. He wants it to be about him. And for it all to be about him so you don’t think about your own feelings. You both may need to go see a therapist/counselor. There’s more going on there than what we all know from that small paragraph.
Thats my two cents. Good luck!
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The fact that he thinks you shouldn’t be upset. 
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He is supposed to be a man,so acting like a child because he got caught up with, would be the icing on the cake for me. Cheaters cheat and liars lie. I would wonder what else he has bold faced lied about while looking u in the eye?! The question is, how much do you value yourself? Good luck
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Leave for those few days like you want to. He’s saying that to manipulate you! If he harms himself because you need time that’s on him & clearly he needs help that you can’t give him. If the roles were reversed I highly doubt he’d be on that whole you shouldn’t be mad it’s the past crap. He doesn’t get to tell you how you should feel when he’s the one who hurt you.
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If you need a few days to think over everything go ahead and take those few days he’s not going to harm himself that’s just a way to control and manipulate the situation
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If they threaten to hurt them self if you left, it’s a big red flag. And I repeat. BIG RED FLAG
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don’t let him manipulate you like that. it’s HIS actions that he pays for not yours. leave and call the cops to do a wellness check on him that he’s threatening his life. don’t let him play you like a dang fiddle
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You weren’t married yet. Let it go. You got a family now
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The fact that he threatened to harm himself speaks. It is emotional and mental abuse.
The fact like he’s trying to say it doesn’t matter because it was years ago is because he’s trying to make it out like your reaction to it means nothing.
He cheated and unless he can own it and admit it as well as apologise and accept that their are consequences to he’s choices then he’s not ready to accept that he is in the wrong and that he is actually sorry for hurting you.
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Girl you need to leave! The fact that he threatened to hurt himself says he has some serious issues and he doesn’t understand that it was wrong what he did and is trying to justify that it was a few years ago. He should have apologized and let you have the time you needed. He should have never done it to begin with.
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Manipulation…narcissistic jerk, pure BS
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I wana know why you felt the need to go through his phone for a start? Obviously something wasn’t right to begin with. An to fond something from 2 years ago, how far back were you searching? Sounds like a whole lot of trust issues. He’s still a peice of shit for even doing it tho. Needs to own his shit for you to even move past it, if he doesn’t then you’ll never get over it.
I have no idea why a quicky before he even asked you to marry him is making you upset enough to destroy what you have as a family. One thing if he cheated on you after but having a last hurrah may have been what he needed to decide it was you he loved enough to ask to marry him…I’d say your pregnancy is making your brain a little crazy!
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Him threatening to hurt himself is abuse and a red flag. Leave and raise those babies. That’s a start to something toxic.
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Run!!! Don’t go back! Ever!
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Nope. Leave. If he’s threatening to harm himself, it’s only a ploy to try and manipulate you and abuse you. That’s a red flag right there!
Time to take you and your babies and leave
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Leave. I stayed with mine and he ended up cheating many more times and even had kids on me and left me for another women all to just end up saying at the end of everything that he was stupid and that I am the “one” for him and promised he would never do it again. Till this day I regret not leaving the very first time I found out. He played me for over 5 years straight and lived a double life and lost no sleep over it. When you truly love someone, you would have enough respect for that person to tell them the truth when you make mistakes. Because honesty is a powerful thing, and it’s easy to forgive someone for cheating if they come to you because they feel guilty and want to tell you the truth. But if they decide to keep it a secret then they really don’t deserve you. I guarantee if you stay, you will find out more lies and cheating he’s hidden from you. But that’s all on you sis.
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You do whatever you need to to make your decision he was the one who was stuffed up and hid it all these years so you take your time I can’t believe he would say he would kill himself just pure utter abuse that one more flipping lies do whatever you need too
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Simple: Sounds like he is a narcissist
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At the very least he owes you a major apology and some serious accountability. The fact that he’s totally dismissing it is a red flag, in my view. I’d be careful because he’s probably still cheating on you. Threatening to harm himself is a manipulative control tactic. He sounds like a major narcissist.
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Once a cheat always a cheat!
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He is playing mind games with you about hurting himself. Wait till he is at work have yours and your son’s bags packed make sure you have plenty of money, no credit or debit cards because they can be traced. Get out and do your thinking. Once a cheat always a cheat. He broke the trust you had, he is trying to manipulate you by saying he will hurt himself. You need to think of your son and the baby you are carrying, as well as your own state of mind.
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Anyone threatening to harm themself if you decide to leave is MINIPULATING the spouse. RED FLAG. Tell him he needs to go to counseling because despite it only being ‘‘once’’ (if that), it still happened and he still hid it.
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People who live and dwell in the past can never be happy. Leave it in the past, live for today, yesterday is gone, so why waste the time you are given today to be upset about years ago. Move forward or stay stuck.
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Why the hell would he keep the texts for over 2 years?
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He cheated before He married you…since you got married has He cheated on you?
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Threats of suicide is manipulation and abuse. He sounds like a controlling abusive spouse. Personally I think I would have a hard time with this. Not sure what advice to give.
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I found out my husband cheated before we got married: Advice? - Mamas Uncut
Yes, go away and take all the time that you need to make a decision! Don’t let him manipulate you, and saying he will hurt himself is manipulating you. It’s a huge red flag, you aren’t in charge of him and his life and his decisions, he is. NOT YOU!
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Threatening to harm himself is classed as emotional abuse and manipulation. Him doing that is nothing to do with you. He was the one in the wrong yet he’s now going to play the victim.
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Do what you need to for yourself and kids.
That a toxic hold. Over you. That is let him harm himself.
I think you’re overreacting! You have a family with this man! Take a few days on therapy!
Once a cheater - always a cheater - it’s in them - nothing you can do will change him - I would move on with my life - he’s not the one!
You spent so much time already dont spend anymore. You do not need to stay. Him threatening to self harm shows even more manipulative behavior. It is important that he cheated and it is important that you found out now. Take the importance of knowing now and leave. What could be out here waiting for you is far better than what you had with this man and you will never know what that is if you stay.
My first question was why in the hell would he keep messages, especially incriminating ones, from over two years ago! But I agree with everyone else that he is manipulating you with the self harm threats. I’m not saying you should end your marriage but you definitely should take the tone away from him to figure things out. It sounds like you have reason to question him if you were going through his phone in the first place.
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Of course he says it doesn’t matter that is his way of getting out of it. You need to take time for yourself to figure out what to do he was and is wrong and he knows it. And I agree with others get life insurance. Tell him you want life insurance so when he decides to be stupid at least it won’t cost you financial pain
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They usually propose out of guilt
I’m sorry this happened to me as well the cheating continued well into the marriage as well.You would be right to take your space and leave and think about what you want. With the right communication and boundaries, your expectations. And if he can’t give you what you need to get over this I would leave, I’m sorry, I wish you well.
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His threat to harm himself is just to make u feel bad! Don’t fall for it. Leave take babies and go get your head together. Yes it was years ago that isn’t the point. He should man up and talk to u and all but not threatening his self.
I’m sorry this happened to you! Okay, so the cheating is an absolute deal breaker for me, but that’s up to you. Second, the threatening to harm himself…that’s narcasssicst behavior. I’d be telling him ass bye. Also, fyi…if he is threatening self harm, you can report that and have him committed.
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- You’re going through your husband’s phone.
- He’s kept texts from over two years ago.
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If he truly was going to hurt himself he wouldn’t threaten it. Its a tactic to get you to stay… But if he would hurt himself he would hurt you and or the children…
once a cheat i wouldn’t trust him/her again. You will always be looking for signs of it again.
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If he’s threatening to harm himself if you leave for a few days, call his family to tell them you’re going away for a bit and tell them what he has said to you! Plus if he’s threatening to harm himself, I wouldn’t want him left alone with the kids! You never know what he’ll do! That what I would do!
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Take the kids and leave…You decide what you want to do with the rest of your life…He made his decision now its time for him to pay the consequences. Of all cheaters I’ve ever seen it’s not a one time thing…Always going to happen again…They think their shit is so good everybody should have some…what losers
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In my experience and the experience of a ton of people I know, cheaters always cheat. Sometimes they stop for a bit if they get caught and then learn to be more careful in the future. Some people will just do it anytime they get a chance to.
He’s probably still cheating or always looking for someone to cheat with. Using self harm is a manipulative thing to do to a pregnant woman. My advice is to leave. There is someone else out there for you who will treat you better than this. Don’t settle you are worth so much more than that.
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You need to take whatever time you need, and his threats of self harm should be big red flags🤷♀️
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Go back to your family. He can’t be trusted. He’s manipulative
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Invalidating your feelings and threatening to harm himself are both manipulation at its finest. Actions are free but consequences are full price. Do what you feel is right and don’t let him manipulate you into doing otherwise.
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Before asking to marry you.
Surely these all have to be fake right? 
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That’s horrible about as horrible as the situation I am going through
I mean I get your feelings of course but it happened before y’all were married, yes he should have told you but it’s in the past. What’s done is done. You can change anything about it. I’m not saying let him off the hook entirely but I wouldn’t end the marriage over it.
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Ask yourself this question IF THE REVERSE WAS TRUE WOULD HE STAY WITH ME he most likely would not, do not let him try to sucker you into staying by saying he’s going to harm himself, he’s not. But also you are not responsible for his actions, you are not his mom, not his therapist, you’re not a professional mental health provider it’s not your job
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So he cheats on you then gaslights you?
No honey, you are with in all your rights to take as much time as you need. He will not kill himself, trust me. Been there done that, he’s just trying to make you feel guilty 
If he’s threatening to harm himself get tf out.
Leave, don’t let him manipulate you by trying to harm himself just to get you to stay, he probably is still cheating on you, leave and get some self care and focus on the kids…he ain’t shit if he doesn’t feel no remorse to what he did!!!
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If he threatened to self harm… thats manipulation. Do not listen… dont give in. He knows what he did caused you pain… and wants to act like its nothing? No maam! Take the break you need to think over how you want to proceed. I’ve been there and if he sees his threat to self harm works… he will continue to find ways to manipulate you to give in to his wants and needs… yet he didn’t consider yours? Take the break mama!
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If he’s threatening to hurt himself you need to leave! He’s manipulating you. Been through it myself. Very childish behavior for a father
For 1… Ur husband ISN’T going to hurt himself !! For 2… Take some time yourself and figure out what YOU want. Put ur child somewhere were they will be taken of. He as already made it clear it’s not bothering him… But it is bothering you . figure out what u want so u can be a better person no matter what choice u make. Good luck to you hun.
I personally would leave. Cheating is cheating no matter when it was done. Whose to know how many times hes done ot that u dnt know about. Is he cheating rt now, who knows maybe ull find some incriminating evidence 2yrs and 6 months down the rd. I for one would not forgive it, cause cheating in my book is the unforgivable thing that i will not tolerate. I tried forgiving and it drove me insane and he done it again of course. Yeah kick his ass to the curb and find u a real man sweetie. Hes a big fat cheater!!! As for im gonna harm myself bullshit, yeah ive dated one of those also, call his mfn bluff, cause hes bn hurt by other women in his lifetime and hes still here! Lol thats a pity plea, dnt buy into it. Lol my ex pulled tht so many times i finally tld him if he didnt jump off the bridge i was gonna throw him off it myself!! Lmao yeah im rid of him too, no woman shld tolerate being cheated on, EVER!!!
Get life insurance on his cheating childish selfish ass and then go and take allllll the time you need! 
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Cheater and gaslighting…
Run run away fast
Looking into life insurance send an email to [email protected] my company has one of the best plan that will benefit you and the kids for life.
Email for more information.
Sorry for your hurt.
You both have to grow up no life is perfect. We have all done things we regret
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Hes a cheater and a manipulater. Id take my kids and go (id use the self harm threat against him in court)
I’m more worried about his threats of self harm, than the actual cheating. That would be huge for me. It’s manipulating. If it was before marriage or even engagement, maybe that’s what made him decide you were absolutely the one for him? I’d be upset, but not enough to end my marriage and have my children deal with a divorce. It’s not quite that big. Now, if he’s cheated after marriage, yes. I’d be out.
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I found out my husband cheated before we got married: Advice? - Mamas Uncut
Give it to God. Leave it with him.
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It was before you got married forgive him and move on
Take all the time! He will still be there! And if not, oh well. 
if it were me he would be gone!
If he done it once hes capable of doing it again.
That sounds like some narsasistic behavior… Stay safe hun. You need time away in order to heal from it if not… Youll boil over like a tea pot n by that time itll be to late to even try to fix anything… I lived it… Ik…
I couldn’t ever look at him the same, out the door 
leave that man sweetheart don’t stay with him for the wrong reasons make yourself happy it’s ok to be selfish 
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You can only cheat after marriage prior to legal and spiritual bond no one is obligated to not be with another. It socks but they can say their committed to you but they don’t have to honor that commitment until marriage.