I found out my husband gets coffee daily from topless women: Advice?

Omg :roll_eyes::roll_eyes: it’s a gimmick to get men to spend money…they want his tips and money not his heart :joy:. Relax and get him the gift card…or better yet serve him some coffee at home topless!!

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You tripping! Sounds like u need a night out with the girls to go see magic Mike.

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Tell him you over reacted, that you tried a cup and loved it so much you are now going to work there! :blush:

P.S. don’t listen to me I’m still trying to unlearn my toxicity :joy::joy::skull::skull:

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I see them on tiktok lol I mean, yeah, if he was going twice a day 6 days a week, I would have a problem… like no coffee is THAT good. Plus the expense.
But if it was just like a couple times a week? I prob would just give him a hard time.
But the line is thin. Like I will literally stand naked in the kitchen and make you coffee and pastries every morn for FREE :woman_shrugging:

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Where is this shop located🤔

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I’d be upset too personally - not like you guys haven’t set boundaries and he obviously didn’t tell you because he knew it would hurt you.

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It would make me comfortable. You need to sit down and talk with him about expectations and what you won’t and will compromise on. It’s okay if you are upset over it. Would he be okay with you getting coffee from someone with a loin cloth covering their penis? Or whatever the equivalent is? Never let someone downplay your feelings.

Sit down, discuss your clear boundaries, listen to him discuss his, and hopefully you guys can come up with something that makes you happy.

I can guarantee he isn’t going to get coffee from someone in pasties cause the coffee! Sex sells :woman_shrugging:

It would bother me. I mean the point should be to get coffee but I don’t think he’s really going there for just the coffee in my opinion. I mean would he be okay if you went as much as he did to a coffee shop with a guy wearing nothing just a sock on his dick? Ask him that. He could hide going in the future just a heads up. But it boils down to if you trust him and him respecting your boundaries I mean that’s kind of ridiculous to me.

The fact that he is going multiple times a day and didn’t say anything about it to you is a possible red flag. Buy him a coffee maker and an insulated cup for his birthday.

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I’m just jealous I didn’t come up with this business concept

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I wouldn’t really care cause it’s just coffee and they are in lingerie. They are just trying to pay bills and well it’s a novelty thing. But your upset I think you should discuss calmly that you feel disrespected by this.

I’m in Washington state and if my husband wanted to go , I wouldn’t care because it’s just coffee… but we all have our own views on things and it is a tad bit disrespectful/ suspicious that it seemed he may have been tryna hide it from you

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If he can’t take you with him he shouldn’t be going in the first place. He’s going multiple times a day, honey it’s not for the coffee. I think he’s interested in someone up there. Respect your partners and stop hiding things from them. What an awful husband. He kept this from you because he knew it would be a problem for you. That’s the worse part is he deliberately did this and kept trying to hide it from you. Girl you deserve someone who’s going to give you respect. If he can’t take you with him and y’all both be comfortable with it he shouldn’t be going.

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I can understand why he kept it a secret lol you way over react he is buying coffee not sex

Disrespectful to your marriage.

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yeah idk about y’all, but i’d be DAMNED if my mans is going somewhere like this.

I wouldn’t have said anything and got a gift card for that place and see what his reaction was. :joy: Personally, I wouldn’t have a big problem with it but I would be upset after finding it out.

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Anything that hurts you is valid momma :heart:

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My thing is I would be upset by the fact that he was hiding it from me and I didn’t know he was going rather than the act of actually going…

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Serve him coffee topless than

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Every day multiple times a day? That’s an insane amount of times. I could see if he was going like maybe once a month but gawd damn. Clearly here’s not there for the coffee :rofl:

Depending on what y’all consider ok and not ok in a relationship has a lot to do with this. Either way I think your response was a bit much. Personally I’d have just sat down and had a convo or texted him about it and said we need to talk cos you’re not happy with that; I don’t really get blowing up at him about it. He got coffee at a semi top less place: to me that’s not really different from Hooters. He didn’t cheat or do anything wrong imo. I’d you have an issue with the venue he gets coffee from than you need to tell him that in a calm way without jumping down his throat. So I get your reaction in the heat of the moment? Yes. Does that excuse it? No. Sis you have established boundaries of similar things beforehand? Don’t know but definitely time to put in place if so. Good luck

No you are not over reacting!!! I’d be livid! It’s just the same as a strip club and cheating! Disrespectful as f!! It’s one thing if they are single or their other half knows and doesn’t care maybe works there her self. But to be sneaky and tell you you are over reacting?! Hell no!

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100% Over Reaction unless you have made your feelings known about Strip Clubs in the past as this is literally no different and if anything far more tame.

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You must be in the PNW. There are several up here where I am and omg let me tell you they are operating in run down shacks, and the girls are pretty scary. I am single so it’s not an issue, but on the outside looking in, the place is trash all the way around and I am surprised they are allowed to be open. To each their own! :joy:

Your feelings are valid. He shouldn’t be willing to keep doing something that upsets you like this.

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Not at all. How would he feel if you went to a place like that.

Hmmm :thinking:

have him come home for lunch!!!

The people who say it’s ok would be the ones to serve your man topless not caring that he is disrespecting a boundary that shouldn’t need to be set or said.

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Nah, I’d be mad as hell. That’s just wrong for him to do that and then hide it from you.

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Personally I wouldn’t care. I would wait until a random workday, secretly get a sitter, after he leaves go down there and get in line far after him and see the way they interact with him. That will give a good indication if it’s for coffee or a side piece

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Yeah, I’d say once in a while is one thing but all the time? And it sounds like he’s hiding it, since the cups stay in his car.

It’s not even about the boobs in my mind, it’s the principle.

Check out their Instagram. Wtf. Basically they’re strippers that couldn’t make the cut and now they serve coffee

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You’re not overreacting. If he actually cared about your feelings he wouldn’t have said you were overreacting. That man sounds like :wastebasket:

Its coffee you FKN CLOWNS!!

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That’s how they make money, they have no interest in your husband or any other man in there. That’s like being mad that a stripper flirted with him, that’s their job. If you feel like you have a boundary there, that’s fine, make that clear and go from there. But I wouldn’t be upset that he didn’t assume you had a boundary that you hadn’t made clear.

Oh brother. This is a novelty its not like he stepping out on you. Hes getting coffee yes you are overreacting. Are the monogamous okay?

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This is kind of a tricky question because we don’t know your marriage. For instance I’m very secure in my marriage and I trust my husband so I really wouldn’t have a problem with him going. But someone else could have issues from the past and that could make it a different scenario

Yes and no!!! This might be a harmless coffee venture of his and nothing more? However, I’m not so sure, since he’s kept this from you. It is odd too. A coffee shop with topless women?! I know I would be mad, but other couples wouldn’t care at all about it. I maybe wouldn’t care if he asked what my feelings in it are first. But also, economcally, is that really the best way to get your daily coffee?? I’m sure it’s more expensive. But its also similar to the restaurant Hooters I guess. I just don’t like the secrecy. In a marriage there should be more communication about what is ok and not ok in your relationship. Things being done behind your back isn’t cool.

What woman would wanna be working around piping hot coffee all day in nothing but pasties!? Yikes lol :flushed:

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Um… can I ask where this place is at? I might need to check it out! I mean it’s just boobies and he’s buying coffee. It’s not like he’s paying for sex.

Ok their insta looks like straight po*n hell naw my man better buy a coffeepot!!!

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Where’s this located? For research purposes that is :tipping_hand_woman:t3:… all joking aside it’s all about what YOU are okay with and what YOU are comfortable with! It’s your husband not ours! So with that being said you have every right to feel the way that you are feeling! :heart:

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If my husband did this I would be hurt & deeply offended, you are not overreacting!

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I guess those women’s business idea has worked out really well for them. Times are tough and uniforms are expensive, gotta cut costs somehow :woman_shrugging:

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That’s not like some kind of health code violation? Weird lol I’m not serving hot coffee with a naked chest :sweat_smile::grimacing:

I don’t have to even read these responses to know that some of these people are bashing you for feeling this way. Well I say efffffd them then. I would be pissed to. Here’s my question, would your husband be ok with it, if it were you doing that? Do you guys have a relationship where this kind of stuff (porn, magazine, strip clubs, etc.) are acceptable? If so then you might be overreacting, but if either one of those answers is no, which I am betting they are, then this is completely unacceptable :woman_shrugging:t3:, and you have every right to feel the way you do!

I think you’re definitely overreacting it’s literally just coffee, and topless girls it’s not like he’s cheating. Hell I wanna go to a topless coffee shop.

I don’t think you are overreacting at all… I would be pissed :triumph: probably more at the fact he hid it …

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Personally I don’t care, it’s just boobs :woman_shrugging:

What world are we actually living in? I’m all for the boobies. Who doesn’t love some boob? But a top less coffee shop :laughing::woman_facepalming:I’ve heard it all now

:joy::joy::joy: I can’t do anything but laugh lol

I went on their instagram and yeah you ain’t tripping bc I don’t see not one coffee. All I see is ass and tits :flushed:. Is it even a legit business bc…?

If you have been to the beach, any pool, or literally anywhere near Vegas…your man has seen the same amount of boob. This is not an issue for me.

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I think you are overreacting. For many of these women, this is a job and he’s just another customer.

In my mind, it’s eye candy. Women look too. If he’s not actually cheating or talking to these women outside of ordering a cup of coffee, then I see no issue.

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Lol those girls r not worried about your husband :rofl: it’s harmless

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Start serving your husband his friends coffee in nipple covers too. See how he likes it lmao :laughing::laughing::woman_shrugging:t4:

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I can’t believe a place like that exists, although I don’t know why should be surprised. Those girls better be careful not to splash that coffee!

Hell I want to know this places location haha sounds interesting :joy:. Unless he’s having dessert too, there’s nothing wrong with that. Let that man live a little.

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You’re not overreacting that’s fucked up. If he wasn’t being a sleaze he would have mentioned his favorite coffee shop to his wife rather than keeping it a dirty little secret. I don’t care it’s disrespectful.

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You’re not over reacting. It’s almost cheating.

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You have the right to be pist .why would he marry if he still wanted to be a run around

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If anyone wants to know it is in Washington

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Where they do that at?? :rofl: it’s coffee calm down!

Waaaaiiiitt a minute…I didn’t even know these coffee shops existed.:joy:

If it bothers you that much, get a damn good attorney and take him to the cleaners. It’s obvious he has no respect for you, your relationship or himself. If he did, those cups would not have even been in the car. He’s a dickless moron.

I’d take him A cup of coffee with no shirt on, wouldn’t say a word, just laugh

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Um, I would be upset by the fact that my husband didn’t invite me to join him for these coffee excursions. :woman_shrugging:t2:

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I think when you put a ring on you give up on things like that and behave married. Those types of places are for single guys. Or men with very tolerant wives!

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Your boundaries are your boundaries. If you’re uncomfortable, he either understands and doesn’t go there any longer — or — he doesn’t care about your thoughts, and continues to go. Obviously, you decide on how to deal with the second outcome.
I’d think he has a bit of an obsession to this place, seeing you believe he goes there “every day, multiple times a day.” That’s a bit much.
ALWAYS know, what’s good for him, can be just as good for you. Know you can also partake in the gawking of almost-naked men, just as he does with the near-naked women making his coffee multiple times a day.:v:t3:

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Andre Moore wth!!! I wish u would smh

Are these fan questions even real? Some of them are so bizarre. :rofl:

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I bet you it’s better coffee than McDonald’s!

You are obviously upset… but be thankful he likes :tangerine::tangerine: and not :banana:

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I feel like you’re overreacting, peoples body’s are beautiful and all different shapes and sizes. He’s looking at these women, not touching them, not spending time with them, just enjoying a nice view while he waits for his coffee, I’m a fully clothed bartender and have put hearts and thank you on to go cups for all of my customers of all genders, it’s a service industry and certainly doesn’t mean anything. Is he not allowed to watch movies that show women half naked? No magazines where women have bikini thongs and pasties?? Looking at other people’s bodies is certainly a normal human behavior and you may be able to bitch at him to not go there and be controlling over what he’s literally looking at and know that it will cause resentment and likely make him want to try and “look” at women elsewhere when he thinks you won’t catch him or you can be realistic for a moment, buy him a damn gift card and go there together every once in a while. Appreciate other women’s beauty, it’s not a competition and other women are allowed to be beautiful without it taking away from your own beauty. Society has really done a number on women being jealous, envious, hateful towards one another for simply existing and being just a different type of beautiful. It’s harmless from what you’ve said is going on. He chose you, he married you, he comes home to you. Really think about it before you make a mountain out of a molehill.

Where are the topless men coffee shops?

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Umm I’m impressed that the cups were in a bag and not covering the back seat :joy::rofl:.

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Just because your married doesn’t mean you are blind. Do you not look at other men and think they are attractive? As long as he is not starting a relationship or having sex with these girls. He is getting to look at perky boobs as opposed to saggy ones that he has seen for years. While he gets his daily cuppa Joe.

It’s coffee and a harmless flirty interaction that probably makes him feel good. He’s buying coffee from an establishment… hes not cheating or having some kind of secret port addiction.

Get him the gift card.

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Nope… he has no business going there. Ask him if he had his kids with him would he still go there?

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Where is this place exactly?!? Asking for a friend…:smirk:

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Where the hell do y’all live that sells coffee topless?:thinking: The bigger question is who is brave enough to work around hot coffee topless :face_with_raised_eyebrow:

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There’s a reason why he didn’t tell you about it. Calculate how much money he spends there and tell him to also put the same amount in savings

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No you are not overreacting it is not wrong to want the same amount of devotion and Fidelity from someone else that you give them if a man needs to seek out that type of pleasure even visual from another woman that is still cheating I don’t know how you feel biblically but even the Bible is against that and no one is above God

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Nope don’t think you are overreacting. Unfortunately in our society if you don’t agree with the majority then you are overreacting. This has nothing to so with anyone but how you feel about it. To be honest, I would’ve lost my shit as well, not because of the top less girls, because of the disrespect. Most woman are okay with husbands doing this and that’s okay…BUT it’s ALSO okay if don’t like this, don’t let anyone tell you how should feel.

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I don’t think it’s overreacting. Each relationship is different so while some of y’all find this harmless, some find it disrespectful. Unless my husband is cool with me serving his friends topless, or going to find a place where naked dudes are serving shit he can keep his ass going to a normal ass Wawa…

It’s just coffee… not like he is getting a lady of the night or even a happy ending massage…I would love to see titties when geting coffee to haha

If it bothers you this much, then he should respect your feelings and find somewhere else to get his coffee. My thoughts aside on this. Every relationship is different and some are more comfortable than others in situations like this. Although I’m more on the relaxed side of that, you clearly are not. Your feelings should not be downplayed and you shouldn’t be made to feel guilty for not being ok with it. :woman_shrugging:t2:

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i don’t think you’re over reacting to be upset! i would be upset too… like why that coffee shop EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. that’s a bit excessive. i would have a talk with him about how it hurts your feelings and you’re uncomfortable that he’s going that.

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If he goes there multiple times a day and there are hearts on some of the cups I’d be pissed! Its not just coffee at that point, he’s purposely going there to see someone or multiple people. Sketchy!

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Okay once a day for your coffee but once he goes there numerous of times in a day there’s a problem he might know somebody that works there

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He can surely keep going whenever he pleases…. As a single man!

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I know not like it at all! My husband doesn’t drive either how u going

I feel like its human nature to look,but when its multiple times a day its a bit pervy,are you sure hes not reciving “the extra foam special”

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The fact that he goes so much and you didn’t know- he’s never mentioned it- he knew he was doing wrong.

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I’m impressed they don’t burn their tatas lol.

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I think it’s more of a shock to you than anything that he’s enjoying seeing topless women (and not you). It feels like you’re being cheated on due to the fact of you not knowing, so I understand your anger. On the flip side though, as many have already stated…if you’ve been to the beach, etc then chances are your man has seen his fair share of boob right in front of your face and enjoyed it, you just didn’t see the roaming eye. He’s a man. It’s what they do, sadly I know. Yes it stings because we think our bodies are all they want to look at, but honestly it’s no different than porn. I’ve been cheated on and wish he would have just oogled boobs or porn from a distance instead. Some people feel if a man has a roaming eye though or watches porn, then it leads to adultery so I really don’t know what the answer is. I wish you luck though. He’s wrong in not thinking this wouldnt upset you and you’re wrong for thinking a man doesn’t have a roaming eye. Just talk it out and work together and I’m sure you’ll get it solved for your families sake.

He’s wed not dead. You weren’t upset about finding coffee cups and cleaning out his vehicle- until after YOU decided to go there to get him a gift certificate and saw the environment of the establishment. She may not of had a top on, but if her nipples weren’t exposed- that’s burlesque, similar to stripping, but they’re not allowed to be completely topless… nipples have to be covered by tassel’s/stickers/etc. I can understand why it’d make you uncomfortable, especially if you have low self esteem and low self confidence which often happens after birthing children. Mine took a hit after kids too. Instead of driving that train off the rails, explain to him why it makes you uncomfortable. The heart is seriously probably nothing. I get my coffee cups with hearts & stuff drawn on them- frequently & I have no idea who my baristas are. Yeah, they probably do flirt with him a little, but he wouldn’t be the only one. Their job is to hustle and make that $, of course they’ll try to butter anyone up male, female… doesn’t matter. That’s the name of the game. However, If you haven’t communicated to him your distaste in establishments of similar nature and already had an established boundary within your relationship… Then he didn’t necessarily do anything wrong, a boundary wasn’t established. Now that he knows it bothers you, obviously by your response to him about it- establish that boundary. If anything I’d be more upset that he was going out and spending that much on coffee per day instead of brewing a pot.

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If it bothers you this much it means you don’t trust him and relationships without trust are pointless

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This is super common in the PNW area. Bikini baristas. But honestly I can understand why you’re upset. I would be too. Especially with him basically telling you to chill out. But I don’t think blowing up on him was the right way to handle it. I’d have a conversation with him and explain why it makes you feel so uncomfortable and upset. And from personal experience….the coffee at most bikini barista places are pretty trash so it’s clear why so many men go to them :woman_shrugging:t2: which is fine, but the coffee ain’t the reason.