found out my husband is having multiple affairs, one of those women confronted us and everything came out, later found out about others. I have tried everything to save my marriage. we have two properties together and a 3 year old daughter. because of the fact he refuses counseling and everything else and he suddenly now sleeps out, sleep separate and refuses to communicate about the issue I have finally decided to walk. I recently filed for a divorce and he should be served with it anytime from now. I am behond broken, I am a full time working mother so I try to keep it together for my daughter. I need help. some days a want to disappear. I need some one to talk to . how do I get through this. we have been together for 14 years and 9 of those years we have been married. I have watched my whole world crumble in front of me, I have tried everything despite of the fact. I just need some advice on how do I survive this from you ladies. some days I struggle to even breathe. the pain is behond too much, the anger is so much. I feel like God isn’t even listening to me. my daughter keeps me going. when I found out about everything he suddenly claimed our marriage has issue, but instead of coming to me and let’s talk about that he decided to cheat for so many years.am in so many pain. please don’t bash me. I just need some advice and encouragement how I will get through this divorce. I feel I deserve better than this. thank you.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I found out my husband had multiple affairs: Advice?
I’m sorry. If you need anyone to talk to reach out. I won’t judge. I been there.
Leave him before it gets worse please
Move on make your own life
REMEMBER HE IS THE PROBLEM NOT YOU! so don’t go blaming yourself, you are strong woman, you don’t need him. He doesn’t deserve you, you deserve better.
That’s his excuse he made the conscious decision to cheat and choose someone else over you and your marriage, take half of everything
Get counseling for yourself. He is no good. Stick with the Divorce
One day at a time. You will one day look back on this and be thankful you found out and didn’t love the wrong one longer.
Focus on you and your little girl. Life will get so much better.
Remember, his shit actions have nothing to do with you as a woman or a wife.
People don’t cheat because your the problem. They cheat because it’s in them to be a pig. The woman they cheat with is never better either. I’m so sorry that he did this to you but I can promise you things will be so much better once you lose him and realize your worth and work on yourself. He will never change, no councelling will change the fact he disrespects you. He deserves what he will and up with. If a woman is going to cheat knowing he has a wife, I mean it’s his loss. Keep ur head up remember your worth and know that, you’ll feel better once he’s not in your love life. You can still co parent and be civil for your child. But do not stay with him because you’ll show him he can continue to step out all the time. He isn’t worth it. Much better men out there babes.
Maybe God closed this door because it needed closed and something wonderful is going to come of it. Trust His plan!
Document everything. Get proof if you can. Protect yourself. Lean on supporting family and friends
Please please get into individual counseling for yourself, it will make the process much easier to get through.
Know your worth.
I’m sorry your heart is broken.
Go to court and take it all lol. Ba ha ha ha
Stop trying to save your marriage and save yourself. It never gets better
Time to leave him, you would be better off.
You need a really good lawyer. You’re terrible at English, or writing.
You need to see someone. (I’m not saying with him, that ship has sailed)
Go to counseling for you, that’ll help you get through this.
You do deserve better than this, keep pushing you’ll be ok
I can really see how raw this is for you. The good news is that it absolutely will get better with time. It would be disrespectful to yourself if you stayed, way to be the model for your daughter that you don’t have to stay with junk men. I pray you do eventually find someone who gives you the relationship you deserve. But sometimes God has answered and you simply don’t like the answer. Yet.
I can’t give advise as my longest relationship is about 5 years old and very rocky. My only marriage didn’t even last 2 years before ge cheated and removed him from my home. If you need to talk or anything message me I’m judgment free
I’m so sorry you have to go through this. It hurts but now you are free of the embarrassment and disrespect. You did the right thing. Get your girlfriends and go on a short trip. Find a sitter you trust… mom, sister , cousin or hire a nanny. Take your baby out so you dont only work and sit at home . HIGS AND #prayersforhealing
It may sound cliche but time does heal love… this is the beginning of the hardest part.
Be proud of yourself that you have enough self respect to leave the situation and to set an example for your daughter on what she should not deal with. Highly recommend to begin exercising, yoga, walking, or another healthy habit to occupy your time and promote good hormones to boost your mood and also going to counseling for yourself to learn how to cope. Remember, your happiness matters.
I was with my cheating husband for 10 years. It’s been 6years since I’ve left him and I’m so freaking glad I left and walked away. Me and my daughter live alone and it’s awesome. Just take it one day at a time
I was in the same boat, not married long. But he cheated repeatedly…during and after I had my daughter. It is not you. He is the problem. Im so sorry that you are going through this. It hurts and you feel like there’s an elephant on your chest from the damage. I recommend going to counseling for yourself. Work with a therapist with your feelings and the pain you feel. It helped me tremendously. I have grown so much over the last year and my divorce is finalized next week. Ita time for the next chapter in your life. For you and and your child. Hope he can be mature and coparent with you. Wishing you the best.
I’m so sorry I pray for you. God always has something better for you. Trust him and don’t ever lose your faith.
Don’t let the pos get to you. You are wonderful and stronger than you know. You can do this. Ask for the better property and full custody with supervised visitation due to his sex addiction. Go to therapy for yourself.
He sounds like a habitual offender!
How far are you from a curb? Kick him there!
Be a proud mama who is being a strong example to her daughter on what not to tolerate in her future relationships you are showing your daughter the strength it takes even when it’s hard to walk away from those who do you wrong even if they are family or those we love. Plus if he can do this kinda damage to you and daughter he is all kinds of corrupt careless and you will be blessed later with a better more deserving partner in life to continue to build your family this is not the end momma only the beginning of all waiting to come to you in your future but life needed to remove him first and prepare you for the future
Yes u do deserve better u just need to carry on doing what’s right for u u will get thru this and the blessing is u have a 3 yrs old daughter create a new life for u 2 u will be alright and one day u will look back and think to urself what a waste of time for being so upset
I’ve been there also. The cheater always tries to blame the other person so he can look better. Get you divorce and child support. If he has multiple affairs he is not going to stop. Some men are just like that. They have ego problems. Time will make you feel a little better and except the situation. Just stay away from him because those kind of men never change. They will promise you the world and make you out to be at fault so no one thinks bad about them.
Cheating rarely has to do with the other person. He has issues. If you have tried and he won’t acknowledge that he has things to change or deal with your marriage won’t work. It’s going to be rough. You should get counseling for yourself so you know how to handle your feelings and overcome them. You have a right to have ALL the feelings because you tried and he won’t and he did awful things and won’t work through them with you and none of it makes sense. Right now will feel bad but in time you will feel great and won’t feel bad at all. It takes time but you will get through it. Stay strong.
Surround yourself with friends, have a good support system. He don’t deserve you or anyone.
You said it…“You deserve better”.
First go get checked …being as he’s been with more than one.
You and daughter will be fine. Just breath. Keep us posted.
Get into counseling they can help listen to you and you can cry as much as you need to. Just not this has nothing to do with you and absolutely has to do with him. Lean on family or friends even having one person is helpful to vent to. Things will start looking up for you
I promise, you’ll be okay. Even though it doesn’t seem like it will be… Only time will heal your heart. The road won’t be easy, but you’ll be just fine. My heart goes out to you
Hes just using the excuse of your marriage having issues to make you feel like its your fault and so he takes blame away from himself. He is not the victim. I am so sorry your world feels like it’s stopped turning but I promise you wont always feel like this and there is someone else out there that will love you and your daughter. For now I would focus on your daughter and living arrangements and getting the divorce finalized. Try not to listen to the bs…his bs
Dealt with it for many years and finally left. Yes it was hard because once I was gone he tried to charm his way back in and i ALMOST fell for it. My kids kept me going, I had a really good support system as well. Each day that passed got easier and I was happier, my kids were happier. Time passed and without looking my now husband came into my life and made me wonder why I didn’t meet him sooner. Be is a great husband and even better stepfather to my children and a great father to his. Healing takes time but it does get easier
Counseling trust me you can get through this
You do deserve better than this, stay strong momma and do what’s best for you and your daughter
The advice I’d give past me…. Don’t rush it and stop trying to fix and “get through it”.
Get counselling & grieve.
You will look back on this more clearly knowing you deserve better than to be treated that way in a relationship - that’s not okay.
The sun rises every day, so enjoy that light and that warmth and that fresh start every day - just find little thing to look forward to for now.
Don’t know you at all, but sending you some big Texas hugs.
My go to song(s) for my
Roll With the Changes
Keep Pushin’ On
I maybe partial to REO Speedwagon for a few reasons……
God is listening. That’s why you filed for divorce. Feel that pain, and you’ll be able to navigate through it… you deserve better. And you’ll have better once you figure out how to focus on yourself and your daughter. You’ll get through this.
U do deserve better.its all heartache n heartbreak right now.hang in there down the road your gonna wonder why u didn’t leave sooner.if u can afford to stay in the house boot him out.weve been there don’t walk off n let him have it all
You are mourning what you thought you had. Feel that and live that. Do not let him gaslight you and make you somehow think this was your fault or your marriage had problems. Honestly one foot ant a time and just keep moving forward. One day it will hurt different then it does today, one day it will not feel so gut wrenching. Talk to a counselor to help you deal with this initial pain.
Aw, I’m so sorry you’re going through this you definitely deserve better!! You and your sweet girl both do! You should be so proud of yourself for recognizing that and making the incredibly difficult decision to end it when you realized you deserved someone to love you all in sending prayers for healing
I am so sorry for you and your daughter! All I can say is to get as far away from him as you can. Unfortunately you are going to be sad and angry for a long time. Get help! See a therapist to help you work through these feelings and help you heal! Also have some fun. Go out with your friends. Take a trip. Take your mind off of him and the mess. It’s going to take time. Prayers for you and your baby
I left a toxic, abusive relationship (emergency injunction extended to 18 mos) and found the absolute love of my life who absolutely adores “our” son a week later. It can happen so don’t lose hope.
Please see a therapist. Concentrate on yourself and your daughter. Stay busy with
church,friends,family, your daughter,activities,
exercise,etc Please remember your daughter needs you her mother to be at her very best. Show her how a lady should be treated by a man.
Drop him like a hot potato!
I’m so sorry…there really isn’t any way to just get over it either and trust issues follow long long after no matter what you do…it’s a slow process that’s for sure. HUGS AND HANG IN THERE!
I know ur hurt. But u just keep going. Work on yourself get u therapy. Build u and ur child up. That man was not worth it. You are better than that. Your daughter is better than that. Trust me it’s not u thats the problem. It’s him. He will regret it all later. Don’t believe any sad stories he trys telling u.
prayers for you to stay strong
You’re right…you do deserve better!. I would seek counseling for yourself. Never forget how strong you are…you got this momma!
I’m so sorry, mine was a blessing in disguise-how was your relationship
You definitely deserve better. Praying for your strength.
let go or be dragged
The only thing y’all have together is that baby. EVERYTHING else is yours. Get rid of him.
I do hair and hear hundreds of stories. I have to say that 1. The person cheating usually ends up being miserable in the long run and 2.After time of learning how to not be with him, doors will open and it will lead to a happier place that you didn’t even realize you needed!!! You deserve better! It WILL be okay? Easier said than done but focus on each day, keep yourself busy, and surround yourself around positivity
Divorce, if the other person isn’t going to try there’s no. Point I get wanting to make it work but my soon to. Be x has always put another woman before me. You yourself have too decide when enough is enough
Girl you have to do this for you and your daughter. It will get better but you have to have the strength to come out swinging. You didn’t deserve what happened to you and don’t blame yourself. His loss your gain. I am not saying you won’t have complications getting through this but you seem strong and you seem like a fighter. Is it going to hurt? Yes. Is it going to fucking suck? Of course. But you have to believe that you got this and that you are a better person then him. If my husband did this I would be in your same shoes minus the fact I have 6 kids. You have to be able to pick up the pieces and move forward not just for you but for your daughter. My little sister went through what your going through and it took some time but she is happier now then I’ve seen her in years. Raising her two boys as a single mom. She learned to be independent and not rely on a man. I encourage you to have the power to do better and be better for you and your daughter. I am here if you need someone to talk to.
Happy you made these choices…for you and your child. You will heal remember it’s a slow process and you will live better with the two of you. The best revenge is a good life!!
Everyone deserves to be respected!
Hugs Stay beautiful
You and your daughter deserve better, honey. What if he gave you some kind of bad disease and you couldn’t take care of your baby, would you want that pos taking care of her. Come on, you can do this without him. You are anyway.
You loved him and he loved himself! Period. Take that child and get away from him. Don’t jump into another relationship for awhile. Work on you and your child. You get your half of whatever is yours.
As an experienced person in this kind of situation, I can tell you that you will come out okay in the end. It’s hard for the first year or two, longer for some shorter for others… I have 3 sons with my ex husband who were 7, 5, and 2 when we split. I raised them pretty much by myself because the ex wasn’t much of a dad for many years. There were many, many days I wanted to give up - but my boys kept me going, just like how your daughter is keeping you going. You will be stronger and wiser when everything is said and done. On the hard days, focus on your little girl. Do something fun together like play at the park or some other adventure. I turned to crafting a lot… the creative outlet helped me.
You’re welcome to PM me if you’re ever in need of a friendly conversation and words of encouragement! Hang in there!
One of the women came to you. You then found out about the others… girl, God IS there for you and showing you plain and simple to move on.
We may not like the way he works but that’s not up to us to decide.
You CAN keep going and be happier and more blessed than you could ever imagine. There is a great life to be had after divorce. Your husband has stepped out multiple times and won’t work on it… you need to go. Now.
Girl YOU control your happiness!! He lost you that’s his problem straighten that crown up and keep pushing on! It’s okay to not be okay sometimes but know your limits! It’s all a mental game you have to know you’re better than that, if not for yourself, for your daughter!
Good for you for realizing your worth! I hope in your next relationship he treats you so much better than your ex so you can see why you needed to walk away!
You are a shinning diamond never let a man dull that shine .your beautiful don’t forget that.let that boy go.put in your mind how you will prosper an you no longer have that burden .I lived it yes it’s hard but you will rise above an shine on
You deserve better my dear. The divorce and the process will be hard and tiring, but at the end, you’ll grow and shine!! Focus on you and your daughter. A lawyer will help you with the properties and everything in between. You’ll be angry and sad, grieve , accept and heal. Baby steps. Before you know it, you’ll be back and realize you’ve climbed a mountain. My husband and I were having issues. Separated for 2 months. I accepted it was over. When I needed a minute because I kept breaking down, fully clothed in the shower I went. Listen to plastic heart from fame on fire I think it was. I feel in love with that song. Things will get better. Praying for you
You said it , You deserve better, Focus on that , prayers for peace
Grieving the loss of anything so important…is painful. Give yourself time. It will be better again…and you can leave this pain behind you. And. being totally betrayed has a pain all it’s own…
So sorry . You WILL
Survive . Please find a good therapist that you connect with ( one who specializes in this area would be great ) . And when God feels so far away , remember He is actually right with you . When you cannot pray for yourself, know Jesus intercedes on your behalf.
When you stop loving him it will be easy. Love yourself more. You don’t deserve this POS. Run!
Been through it in my first marriage…kick him to the curb …the right one will come along
Pain is temporary. Just look forward to coming out on the other side of this.
I am so sorry. I know you have to be hurting so bad. Take it one day and one step at a time. You’ll get through it and you do deserve better.
Sis it’s a process and just like the stages of death your gonna have to go through them to be an understanding of what happened find a way to make peace with it get through it and move on
I’m sending prayers of peace comfort your way:pray:t4:
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, you definitely deserve better than that!! To be honest the way to keep going is doing what you are doing, keep focusing on you and your little girl, it makes it a little easier. It will take time to get through the emotions of it all, maybe try some therapy either online or in person or join a group of ladies and men who have gone through the same. I wish you the best of luck and a life full of happiness
I was in the same situation as you. I went to counseling, he wouldn’t. What I learned is it takes two to make a marriage work. You cannot do it by yourself.
Forgive him and work through it or decide to leave. Unfortunately no one can really tell you what to do because it takes one hell of a person to be able to forgive, and put it in the past! A trust was broken and it’s up to you if you can live with the betrayal and heart break. I feel for you and will be praying for you! This is not an easy decision especially if you have children.
Must haves: an attorney, a counselor, a support system of friends and family, and if you need medication temporarily to help you through this then see your doctor as well. Having your daughter will help you get through this. You will find a better man!
I was with my kids dad 18yrs, I found out he was cheating 8yrs in, we went to counseling and I believed he had changed. Fast forward 10yrs I decided I wanted to leave. His attitude and verbal abuse was way too much. That’s when I found out the whole 10yrs he cheated with that girl. They married 2 weeks after I left him.
I promise leaving him was the best decision I’ve ever made in my life. No it’s not easy being a single mom, but it’s way better than what the alternative was. It’s been 4yrs and I have never been happier! It took a bit to get into a groove,but I did it and recently purchased a double wide mobile home less than a mile from the beach.
Take it one day at a time, cry when you need to, scream when you need to, but never forget you deserve better than what he had to offer you good luck momma and my messenger is open if you would like to talk!
U do deserve better.
Please go for counseling to help u through this process not for him for You…
That’s a lot years together, and I know how you feel. But, you need to find you, ! You need to remember that your daughter is watching, and learning that Mom is strong and has values along with morals. I know it’s hard. But if your daughter was in your shoes, what advice as a mother would you give? If you think you need counseling, then get it ! Don’t listen to family, listen to a counselor that is focused on you ! I promise it does get better, and you will find and live for yourself and your daughter. He cheated not only on you, but your daughter, he cheated her out of a home with mom and dad !
You just have to push through how you feel and be strong, the pain will slowly start to ease up with time. It just takes time to heal and get back up…but you will. Just push forward, it will get better I promise.
You do deserve better. I dealt with similar for 19 years. Leaving was the best thing I ever did for myself
I had a husband that did the same. It’s horrible. BUT it’s not you! It’s his problem. What he did to you won’t stop! Stay with God. He is your only hope and will get you through this. Take all you can to take care of you and your daughter. I’m so sorry for you. But believe me you need to heal from this and God to bring you a man you truly deserve and for your daughter to see what a husband is supposed to be. Praying for you. I’m only here today because of God and people praying for and with me. Join a good spiritual church.
Get a damn good lawyer and make sure you get what you deserve including full custody. He’s a pig and doesn’t deserve anything. Don’t waste anytime or feelings for him.
Remember the way he chose to move is NOT a reflection of you! You are amazing, you are a queen, and you are worthy of honesty, loyalty, and transparency.
Have your rough days. Have your good days. Just remember you are worth everything you require and when you’re emotionally ready there IS a partner out there willing to give you everything you need without you even having to ask for it or question it.
Take it day by day and moment by moment. Stand firm and confident in your decision. Leaving him won’t immediately fix all of your problems - be patient. Find other women you can trust and confide in for support. Keep a journal for all your heavier emotions. Write them down.
One day when you’re healed read them and revel in how far you’ve come. One day when you know you’re at peace with how things took place have a big bon fire and burn those old feelings away
You WILL get through this, mama - and remember your biggest fan is always watching and one day when she’s her own woman she’ll respect you for choosing YOU
That is narcissistic behavior. He is looking for an excuse to justify his actions. I know it’s hard now but it’s a temporary feeling and I promise you it will pass and when you are out of it you will realize how much better off you really are.
I can say that with time things do get better. I was with my ex for 15 years, 13 of which we were married. He cheated on me and promised to try to work it out, however he divorced me 7 months after we separated. I felt like my whole world fell apart and I couldn’t breathe. Then about 2 years later something clicked. I talked to my pcp, and a therapist and both told me that I was grieving and that it will be emotional. It was even though I was glad that the abuse (verbal, emotional, and physical which started after he started cheating) ended. He was narssasitic. I still grieve at times but not as much as I did then. And I have been in a loving relationship for the last 7 years with a man that truly loves me.
Your last line says it all. You do deserve better than this. Head down keep moving, eventually you will want to look up to see what you’ve accomplished on your own. You and your child are the main priorities now. Worry about nothing else. His problems are his now. Don’t play his games. Congratulations on seeing it was time. So many women don’t. You are worth more.
Listen to some snow tha product you got this girl !
You are worth way more
You did the right thing by walking away and filing for divorce. And because he is the one who cheated, well…more than likely you’ll get everything. Take everything he has. You and your daughter deserve so much better. I pray that you will heal from this pain and heartache