QUESTION:
"I found out my husband has a dating profile. I confronted him with proof, screenshots, and pictures I've taken. He denied all of it to my face. The next day he tried to have a conversation about it and said, "I don't know why I do things like that; I just make dumb decisions." We've only been married for ten months, but together for YEARS. I'm 35 weeks pregnant with our second child. This isn't the first time he's done this; when I was pregnant with our first, he cheated on me with my best friend. I'm at a loss, honestly. He's blamed all of it on me, he told me I'm too clingy, he needs alone time (mind you, I'm a SAHM), and honestly, he doesn't really help with anything around the house. He calls out of work often and blames me for it, as well. I'm honestly heartbroken, BUT I'm stuck; if I leave, I have nowhere to go and no family to help. We share a car, bank acct, and kids."
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
"As a person who has been there, done that AND LEFT, I would suggest you plan to do the same. I literally heard everything he is saying to you and it never changed. Thankfully I was not married and separating was a lot easier, my son on the other hand was still young but old enough to remember. He’s older now, has a baby sister and see’s his Mother in a great healthy relationship with a Step Father who loves him as his own."
"First off open a bank account on your own. When you go grocery shopping do cash back and start making yourself a stash fund so when you get the courage to leave him you have some money. Wait until you’re more stable and leave. He does not deserve what you do for him. There are plenty of programs that can help you get back on your feet!!"
"Start planning your escape now. Decide if you can deal with another day, week, month or year of his gaslighting behavior. I would suggest going back to work ASAP. Do a direct deposit into your own bank account. Save. Consult an attorney. Slowly UN-couple. Just know he’s always cheating or planning to. It’s like being the Hulk and being angry all the time. Just accept you cannot change his behavior but you can change yours. The court can and will garnish his wages for child support too. Move on with your life as soon as possible for your sake and your children. Even if it’s a few years from now, start planning now."
"Start setting yourself up to leave. You always have an option. Reach out to resources like free daycare assistance, if that monthly stimulus is coming per child start stashing it along with any extra money you can get your hands on. Get a part time job and tell him you just need out of the house a little bit. Idk your full situation so take my suggestions lightly. Except that he will NOT change. Unless your ok with looking passed his cheating then make a way for yourself to get out."
"Be smart. Do this in stages. You’re very pregnant now so plan ahead. Put back money every chance you get, have your baby, recover, follow through with your plan. He doesn’t need to know anything about what you decide to do, just sit down and list out all the steps and amounts you’ll need if you want to move forward with your life loving yourself the way he can’t seem to do. Nothing has to happen today, right this minute for it to be a success."
"Im going to say this first, never put yourself in a position where you have to depend on someone else to survive! He's not going to change. Open your own bank account he doesn't know about and start stashing money. Make a plan. Start "spring cleaning" and going through stuff, get a couple totes and just put stuff up for storage so it will be easier to just grab it and go. Good luck!"
"Start preparing to leave. Set money aside…open a credit Union account and Sign up for electronic system so nothing comes in the mail. Contact a family member or get in with your local assistance office. He did it with your best friend of ALL the people on the earth and WILL do it again."
"You’re not stuck. There’s always a way out. You just have to be willing to do the work and actually leave. It’s definitely not easy, but you can do it."
"You’re much more powerful then you think, he may be the one who works but that doesn’t make you trapped. His infidelity could win you nearly everything in a divorce, you’re equally entitled to everything just as much as him and shouldn’t let him bully you into thinking you aren’t. I would make it clear to him that you’re not someone to walk over, because they’ll walk over you only as much as you let them."
"Go to your nearest women's crisis center they will help you and give you a place to stay for free, there should be a program for free daycare for your children while you work that you can take advantage of, you can get free medical and food stamps, even cash assistance…but you need to leave!"
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