I found out my husband has a dating profile. I confronted him with proof, screenshots, and pictures I’ve taken. He denied all of it to my face. The next day he tried to have a conversation about it and said, “I don’t know why I do things like that; I just make dumb decisions.” We’ve only been married for ten months, but together for YEARS. I’m 35 weeks pregnant with our second child. This isn’t the first time he’s done this; when I was pregnant with our first, he cheated on me with my best friend. I’m at a loss, honestly. He’s blamed all of it on me, he told me I’m too clingy, he needs alone time (mind you, I’m a SAHM), and honestly, he doesn’t really help with anything around the house. He calls out of work often and blames me for it, as well. I’m honestly heartbroken, BUT I’m stuck; if I leave, I have nowhere to go and no family to help. We share a car, bank acct, and kids.
You are never stuck! There are homeless shelters, women’s shelters, churches you can go to! You don’t deserve this treatment! You are teaching your children that this is ok and it is not! You need to kick him out or you need to get out!
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I found out my husband has a dating profile: Advice?
Leave. You can do it. You will be fine.
I have no advice but hugs because I feel for you.
Sister as hard as it is leave, prepare yourself & go. From my experience, it just progresses as you go.
It sounds like he’s a Narcissist. He doesn’t respect you enough to change his ways. I would leave.
Start planning for life with just you and the kids then leave. No one ever thinks they are strong enough until it happens. You can do it and should not be in a toxic marriage like that. I never would have married him after any of that
He’s looking to cheat sweetie, don’t fall for his excuses. He’s tryin to blame you he cheats is the most stupid reason I heard but then again they blame everyone else but themselves
You don’t deserve him… Sending hugs
Counseling!!! My fiancé and I are in a similar boat but counseling has helped!
Get out while you can, yes it will be hard, probably almost feel impossible at this point but you and your babies will be sooo much more happier
Run fast, he sounds like once a cheater always a cheater.
Wait - you stayed after he cheated the first time when you were pregnant?
What did you expect to happen this time?
People don’t change. He’s a piece of shit cheater and you need someone else
Start saving in a side bank account or go to a place where they assist women and children in finding a home. You need to leave that bs.
He’s gaslighting you.
Be smart. Do this in stages. You’re very pregnant now so plan ahead. Put back money every chance you get, have your baby, recover, follow through with your plan. He doesn’t need to know anything about what you decide to do, just sit down and list out all the steps and amounts you’ll need if you want to move forward with your life loving yourself the way he can’t seem to do. Nothing has to happen today, right this minute for it to be a success.
Get your own bank acct, begin tucking away any cent, if he gives you any allowance (idk some woman do) and save it… Start looking into low income housing options, any program that aims towards housing for single mothers. Your first thing to do is to mentally separate yourself and then do all this above! You must establish your independence.
Get rid of him. He sounds like dead weight. File for child support and have faith in yourself. Worst things have happened them women raising babies alone. You can do it!!
My ex didn’t want me to work and he had all the money so l felt stuck. He cheated on me a lot. You need to save money and get out.
Look into public housing, go to the welfare office, go to wic. Apply for it all. Once it’s all approved move the fuck out. I was with a man for 8 years who acted just like that. You deserve better. I’m currently 3 years out of that horrible relationship and it was the best thing I’ve ever done. I never looked back.
I don’t plan that. I found out my ex was cheating and left in an instant. Baby was 5 months old. I never ever looked back. If they cheat once and you stay you taught them that there are no consequences. There is no excuses for cheating. For me a deal breaker and automatically gone. Think about what a dealbreaker for you is. Maybe cheating isn’t since you allowed it the first time?
Narcissist at it’s finest
Go to your nearest womens crisis center they will help you and give you a place to stay for free, there should be a program for free daycare for your children while you work that you can take advantage of, you can get free medical and food stamps, even cash assistance…but you need to leave!
You should learn your own self worth along with your children! Your husband knows what he’s doing and “why”! Nothing but excuses is what I’ve read.
He has way too many narcissistic tendencies. Run
Go to Cheaters.com…let them catch him.
Do you want an honest answer or the answer to be flagrantly accommodating to assist you in staying in a relationship that you chose and now have doubts?
Get out to a shelter he has to pay support. He will not change.
You’re not stuck. There’s always a way out. You just have to be willing to do the work and actually leave. It’s definitely not easy, but you can do it.
Holding on causes more damage then letting go
Your were you are because he’s done it before and you forgave him come on ffs your best friend?? He sees you as a soft touch and again and again you prove him right …get out get your shit together before your kids learn this is OK. THERES WORSE THINGS than starting again thats staying with a
He sounds emotionally and mentally abusive. There are national victims advocacy groups you can reach out to for help. They help you leave and get a roof over your head so you don’t end up on the street. You can also look into a local crisis center. There are options out there you just need to dig a bit to find them but they do help tremendously. Don’t stay with someone like this, he’s a narcissist and people like that don’t change.
by rights the home you both bought… is actually in eyes of a court your kids home so he should leave as your the sahm…divorce him and start your own independant fund be it working part time or benifit … i wish u luck … or else say nothing and save as much as u can unnoticed x
Drain the account (on a payday preferably), take the car/kids and leave (shelter or drive to a friend’s/families house) gl mama
Rule# 1…do not share anything but the kids
It will be hard at first but start your escape planning and saving today mama! Ask a friend or relative if you can stay with them to get on your feet… I have been in your situation, it does not get better it gets much worse… He will continue to chip away at your self esteem till there is nothing left… And sometimes it takes us to literally be at bottom to leave… Don’t wait! Set a day to be out and until then save and plan good luck to you sweety
Psh girl. Give him some alone time then. Kick his ass out and move on. Been there done that. If you can cheat on you pregnant wife, it will keep happening and just says he has zero respect for you.
Kick his ass out, file for divorce
Watch the Betty Broderick documentary on Netflix i hope your saving money for yourself and children.
Im gonna speak from experience bcuz my ex husband did this same thing and said the same crap to make me feel bad for him.
LEAVE pregnant or not a baby is not a reason to stay with someone.
Im so sorry u have to go thru this especially while pregnant.
But girl leave cuz its not gonna stop.
I took my son and we got on a plane and flew to my home town and never looked back.
And we are happier without him.
Being a single parent wasnt easy but it was better than trying to be a good mom while your heart was constantly broken and worried.
Men like this won’t ever change and In the long run your kids and you will be the most affected. Youre worth and so are your kids . Please take the time to Know that the best thing to do no matter how hard it may seem is to leave this man. You will be ok. You will do better when you are out of his life.
Start seperating your assets or will regret it
Start lining up your ducks. Squirrel away money. Build up your credit.
Keep proof take it tk a lawyer. You will win more than you think. Kick his ass to the curb and know your worth.
This is never going to change. You have to decide if you can live with it or not. If not, you need to start making a plan.
If you aren’t in harms way, get your head together. Start applying for income based housing as well as government assistance options such as food stamps, etc. Dont stay because you feel obligated, that’s not healthy but set yourself up for success. There are tons of programs out there to help you.
He needs to go!! Trust me, you stay where you are, and he needs to take care of you and the house, But do not let him stay at the house.
You are stuck. For now. Feed your soul however u can. One day you will be free. In the meantime set yourself up for that day… Pretend you’re there already and ask yourself " what do I want to have accomplished by the time I’m free?" School? Car? Work? Get what u need then leave him. You will love him all the way and you will hurt but you will also know what you have planned and what your goals are and this will give you strength and power.
Stay and save save save money and find a place to live then leave. trust me he would do the same so don’t feel guilty and he won’t change he is a pig he will always be a pig.
Get out, been there, he stops for a while and will be back on.
Build up your credit, put money to the side
Beat.his.ass:roll_eyes: but seriously. Contact agencies in your area that help women and children.
Well first of all cheat is a choice. He spent some time creating that account for some reason in mind. What do you want to do? Having kids doesn’t change anything to asshole guys so I hope you know that having 200 kids or look like J-Lo won’t stop a cheater because but is a 1000% them and has nothing to do with you. It’s his insecurities his self esteem -HIM! That being said if you want to try counseling or something go for it. If he seems like he’s willing to be better or different and will put the work in try it. In the meantime try to get yourself your own money and your own checking that he doesn’t have access to so you aren’t completely dependent on someone else. You need to get yourself handled. If he’s not adding anything to your life-why are you worried about him staying or going? Get yourself a job and get out of the house. What are your life goals?
Two words… leave him. He will never change and him cheating on you while you’re pregnant puts you more at risk for an STD or STI that can ultimately effect the well being of your baby. From my personal experience with my ex, I know first hand how a situation like this will go and my only regret is not leaving sooner. Period.
He’s a narcissist! You will never win and he will never change. Find a way to leave. You don’t stay with someone because you’re stuck.
Get a plan together. Go open another bank account and start putting money into it weekly. Find child care (I do our local YMCA) and get a job. Start documenting EVERYTHING. I went through this with my exhusband. It’s hard, but staying is even harder. I wasn’t sure I could really do it when I first left, but once I was gone and supporting myself and my kids without the stress of an hole, it was so much better. My only regret is not leaving sooner. You can do it!
Start setting yourself up to leave. You always have an option. Reach out to resources like free daycare assistance, if that monthly stimulus is coming per child start stashing it along with any extra money you can get your hands on. Get a part time job and tell him you just need out of the house a little bit. Idk your full situation so take my suggestions lightly. Except that he will NOT change. Unless your ok with looking passed his cheating then make a way for yourself to get out.
What is allow is what will always continue…
Or get your own dating account(and show him) and find a new man lol. Maybe you shouldn’t listen to me though:no_mouth:
Honestly file for divorce and show the court all of the proof🤷🏻♀️you’re entitled to half, you’re never stuck, might have to start from the bottom, but is the pain you’re being put through worth staying….
Empty the bank account and take the car and the kids and bounce
Start preparing to leave. Set money aside…open a credit Union account and Sign up for electronic system so nothing comes in the mail. Contact a family member or get in with your local assistance office. He did it with your best friend of ALL the people on the earth and WILL do it again.
Clean out bank account for you and the kids ,pack you stuff and leave,don’t wait for him to do it you have kids to take care of.once a cheater always a cheater,I was married for 36 yrs I left him he cheated on me with my friend and he gave me $50.00 to live on for almost a month I’d just used my s.s. check and paid bills so I had nothing left but he wanted me to stay and he still have her ,NOT HAPPENING.
I think this post answered your own question read this allowed to yourself a couple times and it should sink in that you deserve so much better and so don’t your kids! It’s an awful situation, but it’ll only get worse. It seems he just can’t keep it in his pants! And that was some best friend to betray you like that! I hope she is no longer your friend. I wish you luck
Once a cheater always a cheater
He’s got narcissistic personality disorder!
Get out! Honey if you found it that easy think of all the dating profiles he prob has u haven’t seen! Start a plan to get away from him! Ur relationship is over. He’s using ur pregnancy as an excuse to stick is d in anything he wants. He’s not a good man!! I’d apply for every kind of govt assistance u can find. Do u have any family or friends with a spare bedroom?
I say all this bc I was u… just 30 months ago!!! They never change they never stop being dirty horny dogs…. If that is who they truly are and I believe he’s shown that to u
Leave he’s a narcissist! You deserve better it will be hard but it will be worth it!
You need to start planning your exit. Start saving money and get out now. He has already showed you what he’s capable of. He will tell you anything he can to deflect, project, gas light and love bomb. And it only gets worse. Get out now.
Leave his ass!! He sounds toxic af and “stuck” is a mind set. Have that baby, take the car and all the furniture empty your savings and get your own place. Dont you dare continue to tolerate that bs. Remember your children are watching. Don’t let them grow up thinking this is love
Honestly, if you stay with someone like this, you are only showing your children that it’s okay and perfectly acceptable to be treated like this. No one deserves this, and you need to figure out what’s best for you and your children. He’s doing whatever he wants without considering his family, so you need to do the same. You deserve better.
You are so fortunate to have discovered this now, get a copy of his dating profile, (cell phone picture) if nothing else, drain the bank account and close it, go to a shelter, and file for divorce, they will help you with the birth, legal aid, all of it, treat him like a sperm donor and nothing more
Now is the time to start making a plan, if he has alienated you from friends and family try to reconnect, if you don’t have any try to connect with some mom groups.
Start looking at taking a position at A-day care or taking in a couple of more kids at home to start bringing in some cash, every time you go to the store take out an extra $20 and open your own account if possible. Trash the receipt.
If you cant get an account try to find a very good hiding place to start stashing extra cash, important papers, and irreplaceable momentos. preferably out of the house.
Go to your local state aid office and ask if you can sign up for day care and housing assistance because you’re wanting to leave your husband but have nothing. See if they can offer daycare or job options after baby is born and your healed.
You can make up your mind to leave in your head and start working on bettering yourself while planning an exit strategy.
It doesn’t have to be now but you need to start working towards your goal.
Girl anything is possible I was a single mom of two by the age of 17. I worked at circle k found assistance with child care. Wait it out set yourself up save up as much money and . It’s going to be hard but not impossible. He’s not going to change because he feels you “need” him. N make sure you file for child support
What a jerk, you don’t need him.
Get out. I can do it… SO can you.
Re read this and think about what you would tell your child if they posted this
He knows exactly WHY he does what he does!!! Start saving cash and come up with an exit plan.
Run.burn it down. Set an example for your children, don’t be a doormat
You don’t need to leave, he does!!! And take care of you and the kids
Always a way. You and yr babies don’t need a life like that.
Cheated with yr best friend. Wouldn’t give another chance to either or.
Good luck to you.
Empty the bank account and get out now. Then apply for assistance.
You deserve so much better. Been there done that!! Leave while you can!!! After the baby will be harder. At least you can try and set up your life a bit before baby. He won’t change trust me…it’s sucks a lot and I’m sorry you have to deal with that. A narcissist has deep seeded issues that won’t go away.
He doesnt wanna be with you and he hasnt for along time now.
been there, done that.
Get out as quick as you can!
Go. Drain that bank account, whether it’s 50$ or 50,000$ and go to a place where you and your kids are safe. You do NOT need that in your life. Never ever question your self worth mama. And I don’t mean it like that, but forget the kids for a second, think of yourself… in the long it will only benefit your children. Go mama, go.
Bye bye! Would never trust him again. Just me…
First off hugs I’m in the same situation- mine is not cheated yet but he’s done the profiles and inappropriate chat groups and nude pictures- I’ve been dealing with it for 6 years- we have a good year or 2 then boom just impulsively will go buy a phone or use coworkers devices to make accounts- he has me lock down everything so he can’t do it (I HAVE NEVER SUGGESTED IT OR FORCED IT) but finds ways when he’s relapsing. My partner has never blamed me and has always said “it’s just something I’ve always done since I was 14” I’m a very open deep individual so over the years we have talked and found out triggers and actually he just learned he was sexually abused by a family member when he was a small child. We are trying to get into couples therapy (he’s scared to start alone so we are starting together so he can get a feel for it) we always expect that people do this because they are cheaters or what ever but kn reality it’s a deeper issue. See if you both can start couples therapy- if he’s just blaming you I’d tell him like this (yo I’m your wife- your life partner- the one who will always have your back- you don’t have mine when your doing this stuff behind my back- if this is the life you want then I want a divorce) keep all records of infidelity, I keep EVERYTHING incase we ever end up in court for the kids- the judge will not grant him custody if he’s got a sexual addiction and honestly I don’t want my kids around him if he’s going down that road. I told my partner if that’s the life he wants then go- he said “ I want my life with you” I said “ well what if I don’t want this anymore? Would you just fall back into that life and abandon your kids” he said “ I wouldn’t want to but I fear I would” that’s was enough for me to start saving EVERYTHING. It’s heartbreaking and disgusting but we gotta do what we gotta do for us and our babies.
What makes you think after he cheated the first time with YOUR FRIEND that he’s any better? Bless
Know your worth! Leave! Be brave! be strong… get assistance to leave ring centrelink if there is no one to help. There are avenues you can take. People only do what you let them do to you. Especially after the fact… leave he can’t hurt you anymore. Life will go on and you will feel better for it
I would have left him the first time. My bd cheated on me while i was pregnant with my best friend too. Same amount of weeks and everything hahah he’s a narcissist and now with his ex and they just had a new baby. You should leave him girl. Once a cheater, always a cheater. He sounds like a real piece of shit
Leave now. I found out my husband had at least 5 dating site, was on f*ckbuddy .com and I stayed for the kids. Now I have a class A stalker. I wish he would leave. He won’t. He uses the kids " you are only hurting the kids" . He knows that’s my soft spot. I am pregnant again. And apparently it’s been going on for years. Just leave. It’s not worth it. I could see if he had them from before your guys dated and forgot about them but if he was on them recently just leave.
Hun ,let me tell you it’s probably not the first time he’s done it it’s just the first time you caught him.you deserves better ,hope you are ok
This is honestly almost exactly how my life with my ex was. Expect one child and not married, didn’t help, didn’t go work or pretended to leave for work but go somewhere else, had online profile, slept with my friend, and blamed me, didn’t have money? My fault. Was rude and aggressive also my fault. Up until now being 4 years apart he still blames me for everything.
Leave please I know it’s hard but it never changes, I still struggle with all the abuse I went through to this day, know ur worth. You can do this!
Open your own bank account. Have the ccb and gst-hst transfered to that account and start building your own credit.
This boy will not change .
You should have left when he cheated on you with your best friend. He has no respect for you. You need to have more respect for yourself and show your children this isn’t how real men act.
You shouldn’t leave, he should. To put you out is to put out his kids as well and that isn’t right. But because not everything goes as it should, I’d start to save, put it to the side. As soon as youre able get a job so you have financial stability. When you leave hin put hia ass on c.s. don’t expect him to keep financial support of his kids willingly. However you decide to approach this. Good luck
Once he finds someone he is going to leave you hanging. Start putting money in a separate account to get by and then make a plan to serve him with divorce papers and tell him he has to find a new place.