A month ago I found out my husband of 10 years has been cheating and he admitted it’s been going on for 2 years and still has contact with the other woman. He had begged me to stay and work it out but I can’t anymore since he won’t let her go because he needs some kind of plan to break off their relationship. I’m looking into getting a divorce but since I can’t afford to move out and the finances are kinda rough so I feel stuck right now until I figure everything out. He says he loves me and the kids but I don’t know about this marriage anymore. I feel he loves the other woman because he won’t stop contact with her. I’m so scared of becoming a single mom it’s difficult to process all this. Sorry for ranting but I need someone who can give me so much guidance.
You kids are seeing and hearing everything. Let him go, take care of the ones who need you.
Don’t leave…get yourself to a lawyer and see exactly where you stand with housing, money, custody etc. Dont tell him, share a room with the kids, tell him nothing till you decide .
What plan does he need to stop seeing his bit on the side ? He wants his cake and eat it too. Don’t teach your children that this is the right way to live 
See if your state doesn’t tolerate adultry
Definitely run. You deserve so much more than this. If he loved you then firstly he wouldnt have cheated to start with but also he should easily be able to cut her off if he had no feelings for her and truly loved you . You deserve some one who wont betray you
Total disrespect on his part, I agree with the majority on this situation. Get a lawyer, he decided his fate while starting this whole situation, take him to the bank and most of all leave him for the sake of yourself and your children, you don’t deserve to be treated like this nor do your children 
Being a single mom is very difficult, but I’d rather be here than where I was. Being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t care about you is so much worse. I’m much happier than I ever was with my ex, and I’ve found someone who treats me the way I’m supposed to be treated.
I’m so sorry! That’s ridiculous.
You are not stuck. No way. I know it feels like that but this is why the resources are out there and made. Hard unexpected times. File. You deserve that. Then look into what your state has to offer and talk to family even about staying in a room for awhile to get a job and establish or even apply for gov housing. Not always the safest but this situation isn’t either. For many reasons.
Look for resources to assist you into transitioning to being a single mom. Do it on the side and behind his back… Your relationship is obviously over. You owe him nothing, but your children deserve a happy mom.
I was so much happier as a single mom. You won’t regret it and he isn’t sorry he’s only sorry he got caught.
Get legal advice. Pray over it then follow your heart. He isn’t going to stop being a cheater…so let him go…you will grow in so many ways being a single mom.
Document everything, keep records, print whatever evidence you have just in case he tries to fight you.
Find you a place to go and make your plan. It will scary and hard at first but you may be surprised how well things will fall in to place you. People will step up and help but you have to honest about the situation and be willing to accept the help. You got this momma. Praying for you and I am so sorry you are going through this.
Kick him out. Once step out will always step!!!
You never know what you can do. Until you do it. You have to love yourself more and your kids. You can’t give your husband, his cake and eat it too. What would he do if the tables were turned. Love yourself first.
Best thing you can ever do is leave- when you look back you will be glad you didn’t waste years of your life with an idiot- there are plenty of men out there that will love you correctly as well as your kids- know your worth, then add tax! Keep your head up. I promise it feels like the end of the world right now but the other side of this storm is happiness!
Trust me you can do it! If he didn’t want to lose you he would have broken things off with the other lady immediately…get things in order one day at a time, lean on those who love and care for you, have breaks from the kids to sort a lawyer, self care etc you will be an Amazing strong Mama putting you and your kids first…I know it all seems to hard but there is light at the end of the tunnel, let the other lady have him!
Good luck. You can do it 
. Boss through Mama:two_hearts:
It’s better to be a single mom at this moment than to continue to be with someone who is showing you he doesn’t value you.
Honey I myself have this issue only I am raising grandkids. My husband of 25 years walked away. I stay above water and continue every day. It’s fear of the unknown you are scared of. Get away and save your own mental sanity because if you not happy your kids will notice and you can do it. Is it hard absolutely is. You are bigger than the issue and deserve someone to truly make you happy
Gotta stop worrying about what you’re afraid of & do what’s right. You’re teaching your kids that this is ok. If he’s not breaking it off with her & trying to work on your relationship, it’s a slap in your face & he had no respect for you. Is that how you want your kids to be treated?
There’s lots of agencies that can provide help.
You don’t have to immediately do anything. It’s good that you know. YOU get comfortable with the world you’re living in now. You can still focus on yourself and your kids while cohabitating. Figure out what you really need and want.
Don’t make permanent decisions immediately.
Cohabitation does not mean accepting his behavior and going on with life as usual. You’re aware now.
Tell him his plan of action should be delete and block her. Period. But, it is easier as a single mom than it is in that kind of relationship, believe it or not.
The finances and stuff were the hardest part for me
You can do it we figure it out I went threw it together 12 years as soon a I found out he was gone . It’s tough went from being stable to being broke all the time but I felt better and I’m so much happier we have everything we need just not extra . It’s not worth it the trust is gone
What advice would you give your child if they were you in this situation? Do that!
He wants his cake and to eat it too…he says he wants to work it out to keep from paying child support, because he has no plans of breaking it off with this other woman and whoever else he wants to see. Get the divorce, you can make it without him. It won’t be easy, but you won’t have to live in that stressful environment and the peace of letting go of what isn’t meant for you will be worth it.
Been there done that. He will not let go of her. Save yourself more heartache and move on. You will be surprised how strong you are. 
Good luck and take care
Nope. Get out. Someone very close to me had the same happen. Forgave him guess what happened again.
And its not like it was a one night stand, he had a full on affair or years, emotional and physical with someone else. Know your worth and get out.
I’m a single mother, and have been for a long time. It’s leaps and bounds better than being with someone who lies to you, treats you badly, and won’t even give you basic respect forget love- he doesn’t love you. None of that is love. None of it. There are resources everywhere. Get help from anywhere you can and divorce that woman’s boyfriend and move on from him.
I’m sorry, it sucks if you have no way out financially. Most women in my area struggle being single with excellent income due to the cost of living. I’d say stay and save up, get your ducks in a row financially and legally before you make a drastic decision. Think of what the kids will go through in a divorce. No easy answer.
You already know the answer. Run as fast as you can
Look honey it is better to be a single mom then continue being disrespected. Being a single mom is not that bad I’m doing it bow to 4 children. If you continue to allow it it won’t stop take that from someone who went through it for 4 years. If you have to stay there for a bit to get on your feet sleep separately. Have no intimacy and only speak about your kids. Then when you get the chance go run. It will be the best decision you make
Your worth to yourself and your children will always be worth any struggle but you don’t deserve to sit there and be treated that way. It will be hard but so worth it for you and your babies💖 best thing I ever did was leave my ex husband/kids father. Now I’m engaged to the most wonderful man on the planet who would NEVER entertain another woman, treats my babies and I like royalty, cooks, cleans, is great with my friends and family.
Point is you deserve better and no matter how hard it is, you need to take that first step💖
Girllllll, know your worth!!! Will it be tough, as a single mom of just one, it is!! But, you’re better than that. Keep your head up and your standards high!! Set a plan up. He can go stay with that raggedy other one and pay you child support.
I got part time remote work that can be done anywhere. Single mamas unite! 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼
No matter what you chose to do - Prioritize making your plan to leave in case you need it.If you chose to stay and try - make your boundaries very clear and firm. If he is in this with you and your kids then he lets her go - there’s no room for her in your relationship
Use this time to get your affairs in order. Save every dime, talk to a lawyer about how much you will probably walk away with of you decide to divorce.
Being a single mom isn’t that difficult. It is in ways but don’t let people scare you. Having your own place you control who influences your children, what comes into your home, no one to argue or fight with around the kids, ect. Would you rather your kids being in a home with him thinking this is normal to do? There’s low income housing. Get on the list NOW. There’s usually a wait. My first low income apartment 2 bedroom was 160 a month based on working 40 hrs a week at minimum wage. There’s also support for single moms for this exact thing.
Stay were you are until you can save some money. He should pay the bills. Sleep in separate rooms and take care of you and the kids. You also take money our of maybe a joint account and start your own one. Move smart.
He needs a plan for where to sleep tonight because it sure shouldn’t be in YOUR HOUSE. He made his choice by not choosing you and your marriage so now he gets to live elsewhere.
Tell the woman yourself. Don’t give him the opportunity to keep lying.
It’s better to start at zero than be with a cheater he already saying he not letting her go anyways so why you there I think he don’t want to pay child support I also believe it’s will be more cost for him if you divorced that’s why he is telling you to stay ! Start at zero again you be more happy ! I wouldn’t wait until the other has a kid or Something from him personally two yrs they definitely have feeling for each other
You are second choice and have been for 2 years. You have to be the one to decide where to draw the line. How he gets her is how he loses her,so make the choice you need to make for you and those children. He will not stop.
If they love you, they would of never done it
Being a single mom is really really hard. I’m constantly wondering how we’re going to make it. But it’s still better than staying with someone who treats you as an option and who cheats on you, which in turn teaches your children that that behavior is acceptable. Some lawyers will help with payment plans. Ask around. You got this 
you and your kids deserve better than that.
Stay until you sell everything and put it in the name of your person of trust that’s what I did 
if they can fkd your life you can too !! Think with cold heart!!
He does not love you. Words are silent, Actions speak! I’m sorry. Run like you are running for your life. Starting over is hard and sooooo rewarding. You will never be happy with him. Contact the other women yourself, tell her to come pick his stuff up, divorce his vile butt, get child support and alimony.
For your sanity and health, move.
You deserve more than someone who isn’t sure about you and his kids. I did this transition 6 months ago, sadly in the same circumstances and my life has been so much better in so many ways. Take care of your mental and emotional health.
My kids dad did the same found out he was cheating after 10 years and 2 kids, we tried to work it out but I couldn’t feel safe in the relationship I just couldn’t trust him anymore
Nebraska has a child support calculator online you can use to see what child support will be about. And ask for alimony too!
Not everyone leaves after an affair. But if it has been with the same person for two years it will probably not end even if it does for awhile. The only way it will end is if she became unhappy. Do they have a child also? So many unknowns. I would demand to meet her asap. And I would take my time making a decision but in the meantime of making my decision I would be getting all my ducks in a row and gathering all tax returns and financials, deeds to housing. If you own a house DO NOT LEAVE IT. even if you can’t afford it. If you have large bank accounts open your own accounts and take out half of the dividends for now.
Don’t be scared to be a single mom. Women have proven we can do it better without men we’d prefer not to, but you can! May not be easy at first but when you find your groove you’ll soon be empowered and won’t settle for anything less!
Start to diverte any assets to a 3rd account and then throw the book at him
A lot of moms move in with family to help
It’s the fact that he got caught, came clean and now HE NEEDS A PLAN OF EXIT with HER!!! Baby please don’t waste your time!!! That means he is INVESTED with her! He LOVES her cause if he didn’t he’d say F her feelings! Gone head and exit stage left cause that man ain’t giving her up! And two years ain’t no way!!!
What you will allow, will continue. He doesn’t respect you. And if you stay, you’re showing you don’t respect you either. There should be no plan to break off a relationship. He should just do it. He’s stalling. And he will continue to date her and lie to you.
“Needs a plan” to break it off. There’s your answer. He’d be history.
Can you afford the house by yourself…don’t leave. You and the kids stay. Get an attorney he cheated and will have to pay up child support and probably spousal support. Don’t leave the house until you decide with your lawyer.
You can leave the marriage without leaving the house. It will give you time to plan what u have to do.
I became a single Mom for pretty much the same reason. His leaving was one of the best things to happen to me and the kids. You can do it!!
- Deep breaths
- Take care of yourself. Eat healthy, take vitamins, get exercise, relax in the bath, go to church/walk in the park/take a long bath—whatever soothes you.
- Reconnect with lots of friends and family. You will need their support.
- Get financial statements from EVERYTHING: bank accounts, investments, safe deposit box contents, school loans, lease/mortgage info. Hang onto these in a safe place to make sure he doesn’t try to sneak money/other assets out before you can separate.
- Decide if you want to keep living as you have or if you want to have one of you move out of the bedroom.
- Get on a waiting list for counseling. Professional help is good and insurance should cover some.
- Get a free consultation with a lawyer.
- Investigate support programs for single moms: Medicare (but hubs could still be tasked with providing medical coverage), food stamps, Section 8 housing.
- Look into jobs and training for decent jobs in your area if you’re not already working. Information Technology is still probably a good choice for higher income and work from home. Not sure if there are government jobs available in your area but they might offer good benefits and security.
- Develop a plan to exit with milestones and dates. Don’t let yourself stay in limbo forever.
- If you’re not already a part of managing the household (mortgage, insurance, property taxes, personal property taxes, utilities, regular taxes, HOA fees, etc.) it’s time to learn. How much equity do you have in the house? Are you even on the title/lease?
- Don’t tell hubs much of anything.
Bonus: find an in-person or online support group or organization to guide you and make you feel less alone. Make use of this group. Keep a gratitude journal to write down all the things that are positive in your life, no matter how small (I got to drink my coffee before it got cold!), your hopes, dreams and goals for the future. Good luck!
Wait…a PLAN to breakup with the other woman?? Girl he ain’t letting her go. Get ur stuff together, get ur out plan. Save money start slowly packing things he won’t notice and get a storage unit. Then when ur ready u can just go
You don’t need to leave immediately. Stay calm and peaceful in the house for the kids. Quietly Make a plan for your exit, build up some finances, and calmly exit the marriage. The kids are your priority now, and the way you handle this will set them up emotionally for a good transition. Many parents have an amicable divorce and coparent. It’s going to cut your heart like a knife, but it’s a must that you move on. Also he will definitely have regrets over losing you, and try to convince you to stay. He can still be a good dad and coparent - however you deserve a better partner.
Be firm and let him know that as long as he is with this other woman; there is no way he can stay in your life.
Pack his stuff and make him get out he’s the one that broke up your marriage and you can get a lawyer and make him pay child support and then you can get help with social services.Dont let him keep doing you that way. You are worth more than that.The judge will give you the house and make him pay you and the kids money every month.
This is exactly why I don’t depend on a man and have my money. If you want to be smart don’t let this define you. You could boss up mentally and physically and emotionally being single is a real glow up!!! work on you! This man doesn’t value you let her have him since you have his kids you could take him for all his got honestly use that for the advantage or cushion for you and your kids! U r making it easy for him to cheat when u move out his going to have take care of the kids at times, on his own u prob need this break to better you whether it’s school, a job or hobbies! 
later once your a better you, you then will find a better man out there! 
Gather your evidence. Print out proof, talk to a lawyer, get stuff in order first, have your facts and a plan. Tell him nothing til you get it organized. I’m sorry this is happening to you. Once a cheater always a cheater, don’t believe the lies and I hope he isn’t over there gaslighting you about it. Keep your head up because you and the kids deserve better.
Get an attorney. He will have to pay alimony and child support to help you out. So sorry you are going through this
At this point, it’s time for a divorce. He’s treating you like the mistress. What plan do you need to break off an affair? Why is he trying to spare her feelings? It sounds like he has a whole relationship with this woman. You need to research divorce lawyers for some legal advice. You shouldn’t have to be the one to move out.
cheating is unforgivable IMO & not a good example for your children. its exactly why my ex-husband & is divorced. i refused to let my kids think its ok to be disrespected like that.
Once a cheater. Always a cheater
I’m so sorry about your situation . Being a single mum will be hard so will staying with your husband who you don’t feel loved by and has cheated on you . You need to decide what “hard” you can live with . X
Well sweety if he loved you and the kids he would never of had another women … here is what I suggest you do start preparing for the right time save enough money to get you at least 6 month get a storage unit and a safety deposit at another bank than your start taking things you paid for to the unit and every cent you can to the deposit box and plan your move … tell hi. She goes or hes on the couch or basement till she is lie because HE BROKE IT NOT YOU… what I learned get a female atty too and dont put your life in a man’s hand to decide what you get fight for everything divide sight down the middle and dont be talked into nothing feeling the law stand with you lmao the law goes by whom ever pays them off dont be played again by no one… sorry to say once a cheat always one try doing 6 month cash for starting over on hand before you jump out .I have this saying living well is the best revenge and dont let no one know your plans
Don’t be surprised when you find out he has a family with this chick
Stay get ur own side piece while he pays the bills and please for ur health and sanity quit sleeping with him god knows what he has by now get yourself tested again for you and your kids good luck and God bless
You have to leave him or you’ll forever doubt your relationship.
she isnt the first… stay put but consult lawyer look up all single mama services in your area like housing childcare etc
No one but you can decide what’s best. Lots of th8ngs to consider. Only you know him,strangers don’t. N9t all that cheat cheat again. If you decide to make him go, make sure you have all things in writing as to what is promised. Take time to evaluate every aspect of your decision. If you stay, get C ouncel and him too. 8 h9pe things can work out for you and that your family is strengthened in long run either way
He isn’t choosing you. At least get a legal separation to divide your money
If you really want to work it out and he puts in the effort you can co.e back from this but it will require a lot of effort on both parts from counseling to open accountability.
If staying and working it out isn’t an option then you need to find resources quickly and just move on. Department of family services can help you in a lot of ways. Staying will only hurt you and the children because they see what’s going on.
You kick him out; you and the kids stay in the house. Get a lawyer.
For 2 years? Girl….put him out. He made a choice and it wasn’t you, it was her and his comfort. Kick him out.
What is so bad about being a single mom? I’m so sick of this “being a single mom is comparable to being an idiot staying with someone who cheats on you” ummm no. Have some respect for yourself.
I agree with some of the other women, stay and formulate a plan. Try to get as much evidence of his infidelity as you can and then take him for anything you can. I know it sounds harsh but he didn’t give a fuck about your feelings while he was having an affair with this woman leaving your family in shambles, so why should you care about his?
It seems hard cuz of the unknown but it can be done
Tell him to go live with her…get a GOOD lawyer.
Do you have family that can help you in the meantime? What the hell does he mean he needs a plan to break it off? Nope. Look into getting on some kind of government assistance. If he loved you, he’d be doing a better job at showing it.
Single momma here. Trust me you can do it.
He doesn’t “need a plan to end their relationship” he’s delaying stopping -that relationship- so he can find a new one he can start over with and hide again like he did with this one.
He wasn’t sorry til he got caught…fact is, he’s sorry he got caught, not sorry for doing it.
Send HIM packing!
I’d divorce and make him move out if its a shared residence. It wouldn’t be fair for your kids to not only have their parents split but also loose their home as the main resident.
Am sorry but ur allowing it because ur not putting ur foot down & in a way allowing it to continue u say u can’t afford to move ? Then make him leave…period
Yes being a single mom is tough but u can make it work…thousands of women do it everyday
Coming from someone who was also been cheated on yes single parenting is really really hard, but what is even worse is staying in a relationship with someone who doesn’t love, cherish, or respect you. The trust is broken and he clearly has no desire to rebuild it, nor are you required to let him try! It will be hard but down the road you will be so much happier without him.
Leave him ! He obviously cares for the other woman or it wouldn’t be an issue or come up with a plan to leve her! Kick him out of the home ! Tell him go live with her
Being a single mom is hard, however, staying with someone just because it’s hard isn’t teaching your children about healthy relationships. They depend on you to show them what is healthy and what isn’t. I left an abusive relationship with 2 toddlers and literally a dime to my name. You can do it. Don’t settle and don’t let your kids think it’s okay to live like that.
He didn’t cheat. He has an on going affair and he wants you to be ok with it. He doesn’t love or respect you. I know it’s hard. But move into another room or have him move into an another room, until you can afford to pay your own way. Go and file for child support asap! Get the paper work started for a divorce and file a waiver based off income so you can get it for free or at a discounted rate. Even though yall are living together, cut off ties unless it has to do with the kids. Start living that “single mom” life now. Only cook for you and the kids. Only pick up after you and the kids. My ex and I did this and still lived together for almost a year. We did week on week off with our son. On his week he did everything for our son. On my week, I did everything for our son. It is possible, and it can work, but you have to be strong and respect yourself.
Someone who truly loves you would never hurt you like this, don’t waste your time! I’d definitely save up as much money as I can an get out of that marriage.
He is already showing that he isn’t remorseful for what he has done and he is not respecting you. If he respected you he would have ended it and shown remorse for his actions.
Young one, there is no repairing this relationship- you know that in your gut. Kick him out of your room& bed. If you have children they should remain in the home - one of you must be in home and one must move out. If he chooses to continue contact then he needs to go be with her. Young one, you do not put up with this, you deserve more if not the best. Being single is a scary BUT you are not alone- you’ve got you kids. Many women do it - look for a support group if you don’t have family or a good friend help you through. You are going to have to assess your life and priorities. You can do this, young one. You’ve taken the first two steps - identified and addressed- now get those ducks in a row and get it done. 
Single parent here:
You can do this.
I walked with mine with a months rent in my account and that’s it.
Earned money, kept applying everywhere for a better job, got the better paying job. Continued earning, made friends, figured it out.
Do not be afraid of “what if” - be afraid of the next five years if you stay instead.
I never once regretted leaving. And I asked years later if they ever wished or wanted me and the ex to get back together: it was a unanimous “H*ll NO.”
If he didn’t wanna lose you,he would have getting rid of her…His playing you now cause he got caught… He knows he lose everything now, and have to pay child support etc…Dont be a mug for him darling . Know your worth
Do you have family friends that you can stay with? Or help you out till you get back on your feet? I wouldn’t want to be anywhere near him. It’s time for you to leave. Being a single mom would be better than putting up with all this crap.
Don’t leave if you want him gone make him gone and make him pay for it. stay in the home with the kids.