I met my partner 1.5 years ago. We have been officially dating for one year but exclusive since our third date. Our relationship is healthy with minimal conflict. We share core values and are generally happy and compatible. He has really stepped up as a father to my toddler, whose biological father is not involved. He is a good man and a good partner. The issue: three days ago, it came to light that while we were supposed to be exclusive and building the foundation of our relationship, he was on tinder chatting up girls. He claims that he did not meet up with anyone or go on any dates and that as soon as he decided that we were serious, he cut it out. The account has since been fully deleted, so there is no proof one way or another. He obviously did not cheat on me because we were not officially together, but he did tell me that we were exclusive and that I was the only person he was pursuing or engaging in a romantic matter. He has apologized profusely and agreed that he was wrong. He has not tried to defend what he did, and he has sworn up and down nothing happened while we were officially dating. He said he would do anything to make it up to me and to try to build back the trust that was lost. I feel icky about it. I am not a forgiving person, and it takes a lot for me to trust someone. I see the value in our relationship, and I feel like I may be able to move past this, but I am worried that it will always eat at me. Like there will always be that hint of doubt now… what can I do?
I found out my partner was on tinder talking to other women a the start of our relationship: Advice?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I found out my partner was on tinder talking to other women a the start of our relationship: Advice? - #2 by AnonymousMama
It’s actually very common. Let it go
You were technically dating at the time . He didn’t see anyone else or cheat . You say you have a great relationship and he has stepped up as a father to your child also . He apologized . What else would you like him to do . Don’t ruin a great thing dwelling on the past . Move forward but if you know you can’t , leave .
Omg girl , really? SMH …
If you can’t forgive him, let him go. But truthfully, if yall weren’t exclusive then I don’t think this is a fair metric to judge his character on.
Let it go. He’s apologise admitted that he is in the wrong and that he knows he needs to work back for the trust he has lost.
If this was in the very beginning of your relationship. Let it go. Are you happy now? Do you love him? He didn’t cheat he’s apologized. Unless you want to live with regret the rest of your life. Let it go. The past is the past.
Don’t let this ruin what you have.
I think it takes a big person to admit what he did wasn’t okay and to apologize. It was over a year ago and he seems genuinely apologetic, I would let it go. If he is doing everything right, don’t let it ruin your relationship. He has already been faithful and a great father figure, he has proven he can be trusted, and has admitted he stopped as soon as he felt it was serious. Nobody is perfect and it takes a good man to own up to his mistakes
Maybe this is just me but I’m slightly confused by your wording. You’ve been together for a year and a half and found out that he’s been using tinder three days ago? Or found out that he did it before you were together? If y’all weren’t established when it happened, I don’t see why you’re upset. I had my fun in my early twenties, went out on several dates but didn’t establish an actual relationship and didn’t claim ownership over any guy I had dated or spoken to. If that’s the case then you need to either be a grown up or leave. If there’s no trust then there’s no relationship.
Kind of counter productive to point out all the apologies of the situation and then still say you don’t forgive him…what else do you want from him?? You guys were dating. Talking. He wasn’t living with you or seeious with your child
If you weren’t officially together then let it go. If he hasn’t cheated yet you claim to still feel icky and have trust issues sounds more like your looking for a guilt free reason to walk away to me .
If it’s going to bother you now then your wasting time with him. If he’s being honest and has shown you it’s going to be you who decides to continue the relationship.
Grow up and let it go. More serious shit has happened to way more people and they’re fine.
Let it go it’s minor compared to everything that may come in a relationship
Just jot down the date and time it happened so if it happens in 10 years you have ammo and evidence it’s recurring hahaha
Trust your gut feeling. Its usually right.
I wish my life was this complicated! 
let it go, it was way over a year ago. He apologized, admitted his wrong doing and was straight with you that he didn’t meet up with anyone. Forgive him and forget about it because if you don’t you will lose a really good guy by the sounds of it!
Think of it this way, if he had never told you it wouldn’t matter. He didn’t sleep with anyone didn’t even meet up with anyone, and it was when you were fresh. You are settled he is a good man to you and he treats your child like his own, if you feel like uprooting you and your child that now believes that is his/her father at this point I feel it would be selfish.
Grow up, this is petty and childish.
You are dating . because he was chatting doesn’t mean he was cheating. Did he ever not be around you did he ever feel distant … are either of you allowed to have friends. Don’t let social media destroy what you have. But they do say talking is the beginning of cheating which may not be true all the time if you feel it’s more then pay attention or maybe even give each other space .
Get over it or break up over something that happened over a year ago, at the beginning of your relationship, before he was serious about you 
My husband did that. I was not happy. It went on for a few months and I didn’t know until over a year later. It devastated me. He blocked the girl all the way to Tuesday and we moved on. He’s been nothing but faithful to me.
If it was the very beginning and nothing similar has happened since, let it go. Because you were the one he pursued and wanted.
You found a good man do dont blame him for something that happened at the beginning of the relationship. Keep what you have true and as you noted- he has stepped up and is making you happy. Accept it, dont ruin a good thing you have right now over a minor incident that happened in the past.
You need to let it go. You said that you were exclusive after the 3rd date, I am going to assume you mean this in the sexual aspect since you said you only became serious a year ago. I would assume that he was probably still seeing if there could have been interest elsewhere before fully committing to you. Be lucky that he chose you without putting you through hell with his indecisiveness. And he also came clean to you so there wouldn’t be any secrets even though he didn’t have to.
If it was in the beginning, and there have been zero issues throughout the course of your relationship, let it go.
Its literally how relationships work. If it’s not serious and you’re not exclusive, keep options open. When things get serious cut the others off. He did exactly how you are supposed to do when getting serious with someone. Grow up or let him be with someone else and you be with someone that is perfect in your eyes. Was he supposed to cut women off the day he met you and wasnt dating/talking to youm let’s be realistic here. Your reasoning isn’t even logical. Just drama and jealousy.
He did nothing wrong… LMAO
My now husband and still did things while “ dating”. We weren’t officially together so let it go and grow up
Yall dont even know if youre together or not. It sounds like you’re not on the same page. Sit down and determine what the relationship is and where the boundaries are.
Wait. Are you saying between dates 1-3? Or in the first 6 mos? Dates 1-3, don’t even let it bother you. First 6 mos, that’s annoying but whatever. I’d find a way to move past it if you’re happy with who he is/y’all are now. This isn’t worth ruining a good thing imo.
Grow up and let it go.
Stupid shit happens in the beginning. Just because you became exclusive, doesn’t mean it was as serious as you thought. You either get over it or you don’t
I went through the same thing sorta but it wasn’t dating websites and the conversations really stopped when we became serious. As long as he isn’t doing it now, you really should move on from it. It’s only going to cause a rut in your relationship, that seems like a good one, and the deeper you put yourself in that rut, the harder it is to get out of.
I think he handled the situation well, I’d let this one go.
Key phrase, as soon as HE decided…
I’d move past it. It matters to you and that’s alright but it was before you were a couple. He shouldn’t have told you that you were exclusively seeing each other, but we all make mistakes.
If it hasn’t happened since then I would let it go. Beings it was in the beginning
You are literally defending the shit out of this situation, idk if you really want advice. Clearly you feel he’s a keeper. Maybe you shouldn’t ask for outside advice and create a problem that’s not there.
You are blessed with a great guy that made a mistake and has fully admitted it. Also he has taken on a child that isnt his. He probably had a few little doubts about that in the beginning and could not probably explain that to you at the time. So move forward and grow as a couple. You need to be more forgiving even though it has hurt you. Relationships are all about compromise and truly he has stepped up to the plate. Many women would give alot to be in your situation. Good luck and get some counselling if you really feel you cant deal.
I think I would give him the opportunity to “build back the trust that was lost.” He needs to do that until…
Leave the past in the past hun, look at how he treats you in the present, that is what matters.
I think you should follow your gut/instinct.
Does it matter? You said yourself you weren’t together. Stop dwelling. I mean y’all met on Tinder for the love of GOD. Be happy you found a good one lol. If you cant get over it it will never end. He seems to have apologized etc.
Sometimes it feels like we look for sabotaging problems when there are none. Let this go.
Either let it go or end the relationship. Decide if what happened early in your relationship is worth ending it now.
Let it go. You guys didn’t even really know each other at that point.
I mean from the sound of it it sounds like your relationship is a good one it’s hard to find the good ones and nobody is perfect yes he should have told you that he was talking to them or not told you we’re exclusive but at the end of the day everyone makes mistakes he didn’t cheat on you choose to forgive and Let It Go
Forgive him & let the past go or allow him to leave. Don’t sit on a seesaw & make him go mental trying to win back your trust.
Sounds like to me you’re looking for an excuse to break up. If something like him talking to other girls before you were even together bothers you maybe you aren’t ready for a serious relationship. It’s rare to find someone honest like him to tell you all about it and own up to it. Let it go and grow up a little. People have pasts. Don’t dwell on it.
No worries! Just remember you are only TREATED THE WAY “YOU” ALLOW OTHERS TO TREAT YOU! If your heart tells you he is sincere then I can ABSOLUTELY tell you that FORGIVENESS is NOT for him/them. FORGIVENESS is for YOU!!! Bless your heart & prayers for PEACE! 
Forgive. No one is perfect. He is showing you the man he is by how he is taking responsibility and it was in the past.
I’m not going to tell you to just get over it. If this is going to eat at you and you know you will never be able to trust him again, leave now.
But I will say if this is the only red flag and he is truly invested in earning trust, I’d at least give it a shot.
So you’re angry that he was talking to other women when you weren’t dating…?
I can’t this questions 
they’re so insecure
If things are good why look for problems
Go be an archeologist if you wanna dig up the past like that …. He didn’t know where it was going with you and him and sounded like out of all the girls he chose you … think of it as a winner in the relationship race
You should let it go.
He was honest when it came to light and apologized. If there’s no other reason to distrust him I would try to forgive and move on
My now husband of 4 years did the same thing. If you believe he didn’t meet up with them and he’s admitted he was wrong and wants to earn your trust back then I think give him a chance. Not all men are the same. My husband and I had a situation when we were just dating someone emailed me about his old tinder. He swore he was not romantically talking to any of the women he was talking to and I didn’t see where he possibly could have so I gave him a chance. It was the best decision I ever made. Our relationship got stronger. Our communication got better. And he has proven that I am his one and only.
So what’s the problem?
Why are you looking for stuff all the way at the beginning of your relationship to be mad about? If he came clean and apologized and didnt cheat and has obviously not cheated and told you he did it even though it was already deleted? You should forgive the man that is already a huge sign of trust. If you cant trust him when he is this honest when he doesnt need to be you have really big issues and YOU need some therapy. Yall were barely dating maybe he was ending it gently with these other ladies so he didnt crush them?
It sounds like he was doing the wrong thing by being on tinder a person that has said you are the only person for him and has stepped up to be a stepdad there is 100% no reason for him to be on tinder. I think that he has said he will do whatever to get you to trust him again and hes deleted the app I think you should continue with the relationship and just keep the lines of communication open and just ask him to reassure you a lot so that you dont have to question his motives if he says he “wants to go out with the boys for drinks, or has to work late” and he needs to make sure you feel comfortable with him going out and this way you wont have to be the controlling wheres my bf going what’s he doing who is he with I think hes cheating on me, type of gf. That is not healthy for either of you. Just talk to each other and make sure you both know where the other person stands with expectations and respect. Then if you still feel strongly that you cant trust him then end the relationship to protect you and your child. Good luck
So what you think he just waited his whole life for you to walk into his life with no past of talking to anyone? 
sounds like you are about to start drama in you own relationship for no reason.
Easy answer: no one does online dating and only talks to one person at a time.
He was basically looking for a girlfriend and you were one of the auditions.
But good news: you got the part!
But seriously… that’s like hating on him for past girls he’s dated.
Let it go. Most people when they are meeting other potential people, talk to more then one 
He chose you, He made the decision already, you’ve already won the fight and you didn’t know you were part of it. He sounds like a good man. Keep him. If you’re going to drag this out, maybe you’re the one not committed
I mean yikes…might want to do HIM a favor and bow out. This sounds like an unnecessary nightmare for him.
He sounds like a stand up dude and you’re making this into something it not. If you can’t take his word- where is the trust in this relationship?
I think you need to learn how to forgive. Forgiveness isn’t above the other person. Has he ever given you a reason to think he’s been unfaithful or that he’s a liar? And you can’t be exclusive if you aren’t even together… how does that even work?
I can see you also addressing the problem you have about not being a forgiving person… Maybe this relationship could be your test to try the forgive thing? The way you’ve described him sounds like he’s an awesome guy… but if you feel that it’s gonna eat you up and you can move forward then maybe leave now… all the best - hope it works in your favour 
Let it go - he’s doing all the right things which is hard to find !! Now if you catch him on tinder etc again bye 
So all that good just goes out the window because he was talking to someone else before you were official?
Stop creating problems that aren’t there. He apologized, leave it alone, stop bringing it up. Don’t lose a good man over something so small.
Right, he is sorry because he got caught.
Hes doing all the right things now, so try to forgive him and move on. He sounds like a good guy to me.
You need to grown up. It was BEFORE you all were exclusive. Stop being so insecure and creating something out of nothing! You clearly have your own issues you need to work on that has nothing to do with him.
Mountains out of molehills
Get over it. It’s in the past and if he’s that great of a guy, build that trust more. We all have our doubts at times and it sounds like he’s proved himself.
Tinder is disgusting in my opinion - but he was honest and deleted it and it was way way back before you were serious so I personally say let this go
He seems sorry and if you have another issue in the future then I’d be upset but I doubt you will by the sound of it
Oh for god sake! Stop being a drama queen!
Emotional cheating is cheating.
WGAS…
He should pack you in for breaking his balls over something stupid…
Happened to me 10 years ago but he was seeking males. Fast forward to 2 years ago and 2 kids; he was using my photos and info to lure in women (I’m not fussed in gender eg so bisexual I guess) would get nudes and everything. The last chick he spent time on; is now my partner… I thought it was a once off too…. I’m not saying they’re all the same. But please be careful. It wrecked my whole world. Yes I’m happy now; but it was the hardest 2 years of my life. Especially as a single mum.
I completely understand where you’re coming from I also found out with my ex 3 years into our relationship that when we were already in a relationship, early days, he was asking out his ex for coffee and chatting up girls. He had already said he loved me and all by that point so it made me feel betrayed. I think if theyre saying they are exclusive to you they shouldn’t still be on apps like that or doing other things. But the past is the past and if he’s been faithful to you take your time and let him make it up to you. My break up had nothing to do with that BTW
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I found out my partner was on tinder talking to other women a the start of our relationship: Advice? - #2 by AnonymousMama
He obviously went into the relationship more cautiously than you did, and I think over the course of the relationship he’s probably proved you’re the one for him, he’s accepted your toddler, things between you are great, don’t let one silly week or so ruin this amazing relationship you’ve built up❤
I would look past this and accept he’s been faithful for the whole time since. Sounds like he’s a winner and it would be foolish to lose him over something minor x
Honestly. I think leave the past in the past. He hasn’t even got the account anymore. He also didn’t deny it or lie to you when questioned. That there is a good thing and would make me trust him a bit more.
You either forgive and FORGET of you leave. If you choose to stay you must let this matter go completely or your relationship is doomed.
Let it pass and just concentrate on your relationship. This issue isn’t worth arguing over with how your relationship is now
So he didn’t cheat on you, didn’t meet any of the women, it was about 18 months ago, is a great father to your son who isn’t his…and all he really did was talk to some women from tinder when in your own words, you weren’t exclusive. Pretty sure he gets a pass on this one
Get over yourself is the best way to start. Obviously just because you’re talking to someone (in this case, you) and are exclusively dating/ fucking them it doesn’t mean he didn’t have other non intimate relationships with people he met on tinder, quite possibly from before you entered the picture, who he didn’t want to just ghost. Sounds like your partner is respectful of both you and the women he decided not to pursue and if that’s an issue for you then you don’t deserve him.
Honestly you need to put your trust in them or it will never work and will eat at you so bad, if they break the trust then it’s their loss and if they don’t then fab! But in order for a relationship to truly work you have to have trust and faith, you can have no doubts about someone and they break your trust or you can not trust someone and they can prove you wrong, you’ll never know unless you trust them and find out for yourself xxx
Personally I think you’re overreacting. He sounds like he’s been a perfect gentleman and he’s not done anything throughout the relationship since. It sounds like you have a good relationship so I wouldn’t even let this be an issue. Talking to a few girls at the beginning is not the be all and end all.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I found out my partner was on tinder talking to other women a the start of our relationship: Advice? - #2 by AnonymousMama
You don’t fall in love on a 3rd date. I say let it go, if he pulled this 3 weeks ago then that’s a different story. Take deep breath and realize there are things in your relationship that you have both grown together to create. Simple as that
This was at the START of your relationship… you’re in a good place now. There was no cheating and everything came to light… Move on!
He’s with you now and has shown that he’s chosen you. Let it go and let go of the jealousy. It’s only going to hurt both of you. It’s sad that you’ve been through stuff that has made you mistrustful of relationships. You can heal from that and make yourself vulnerable with him, that is the very hardest thing to do but it’s worth it. Let your guard down and let the love flow. Especially if he’s done nothing else to challenge your faith in him. Good guys are hard to come by.
If y’all weren’t officially together, I wouldn’t really see the huge problem with it still, personally. As soon as y’all established that you were indeed a thing, he deleted the app and stopped talking to the other women…sounds like this is more so something for you to work on moving past rather than making him feel like he betrayed y’all’s relationship when there wasn’t one. If he has been honest and profusely apologized and is committed to working on being more transparent in the future…I think this is incredibly microscopic and not something to let damage y’all’s relationship now
If you’re good right now in the present moment with your relationship then do nothing. He apologized, tell him how it makes you feel, and then move forward with your relationship. If he’s given no other reason to not trust him other than that it sounds like you have nothing to worry about. It sounds like your dealing with your own insecurities rather than something he has done wrong to you… just move forward, forgive and forget… HE CHOSE YOU!! Let that be enough and to settle your mind. Best of luck!!
Seriously? Give the guy a break. He is there with YOU. Loves YOU. Takes care of YOU and your CHILD. Relax.