start weening her now let your son do his job and her do hers;if she really feels this way about you, she is just using you. Ungratefulness is what I can’t stand. smdh
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Wow !! You can come be my girls bonus nana !
Thats so rude. Like so rude .
Stop buying things and watching them just totally back down and see what happens. Obv still see the kids but maybe just visit not babysit.
And ask your boy. then ask her.
She sounds ungrateful. Big time. That baby is lucky to have you💖
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She sounds very spoiled. Stop doing all this for her and she will change her tune. When she aint working don’t babysit. And is she paying you to babysit that much? If not I’d start charging her.
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I would not say anything to her because it will only come back as something YOU did wrong in reading her mail. ( on your phone or not)
I would still be supportive for the kids sake but only for what the kids need. Back off on just buying things for them and let your Son or her tell you ( if they even do) what is needed.
Don’t let the comments get to you because they may have been typed in a moment of anger or stress.
Be kind, polite and nice but not overly so or overly helping anymore. If you back away she may in time learn that you were helpful to her.
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Sounds like the gf is a NARCISSIST and is using the “if you wont take them whenever I want then I’ll get someone else” thing so that the nana will do it out of fear of not being able to see them! Also you have no way to tell whos logged in unless you open it and it could have been in the message when she opened it. Mine does that! Sounds ungrateful and completely narcissistic to me.
I wish I had a mother n law like you ! Ungrateful she is !! You need to say something that’s not right !
I wish my mother in law was like you. Mine wants nothing to do with us or our kids
I would talk with her. Did she help pick out the items you bought? Maybe she felt a bit alienated.
She just sounds ungrateful, you sound wonderful and I would die to have someone like you to help me! some people don’t no what they got till it’s gone… I’d try saying something because it diff sounds like she won’t be able to live without you
Honestly don’t over reacted speak to her maybe you have done something your not aware of that might of hurt her feelings at some point.handle it in a mature matter speak to her and ment the connection. I could be totally wrong but talking and clearing air is a good frist step
Backing out isn’t the right approach that just hurts the children who have the right to see you and by now have a good bond with you, clearly she doesn’t hold the children against you even when currently mad, so don’t make it about children make it completely about you and her and what you both can do to overcome the issue
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Can you be my grandma. I’m 57 but I’m really loving.
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Definately tell her that she left her messenger open & you couldn’t help but see what she wrote about you. Tell her you are deeply hurt because you love her & the children & thought she felt the same about you. Be gentle & kind when discussing this with her. In other words…be the grown up, because she certainly isn’t acting like one.
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She needs her ass whooped. That’s really shitty to just hate someone who has bent over backwards for her
Do your own thing im going through that to im 68 years old raised my son and his two kids now one of the kids live with me and she works 2 jobs and he works one they lay in bed all day and i chase the 3 boys and feed them buy the food cook it and clean up they do nothing and i called it quits on jan. 1st no more baby setting no more cooking or cleaning up after them my house is a mess but ill come unglued agsin a d well see or they will move tjey dont pay any bills here lets seevwhen there out
I got 6 kids over here who would love to have a Grandma like you… Anytime of there lifes…(my mom past when i was 12 They only had a Grandpa but now his past away 2016 but we miss him very much)
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I think the relationship between mother and daughter in law is a hard one. A man only truly has room for one woman in his life and when he is married the mother takes a back burner. It sounds like you might be inserting yourself too much into the goings on in there life and lifestyle. She may feel like your judging her as a mother or wife to your son. There are two sides to every story, not saying I don’t believe your side but I’m sure hers sounds very different. I think maybe you should retract a bit, you can’t change what is and you can’t fix what isn’t. All you can do at this point is be there for your son and grandchild, when your son and his wife calls open you and your opinion. Also it’s your time to live for you again. Your son is grown and now you have time to do the things you once loved to do for yourself. Good luck
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Stop being a door mat. You want to do something nice for your grandkids - start a savings or college fund. Don’t buy things for the kids that they don’t tell that they need. Ask what her work schedule is - on her days off - schedule something fun for yourself - spa day, movie with a friend. You need some time for yourself. She is taking you for granted and maybe you should give her some of the space she says she needs so she can see how much you give to her and her family.
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So far every one of my 2 sons that have been married their wives hate me. I’ve bent over backwards for them. The youngest ones wife I financially supported them to the tune of over $10,000 not just on the babies but her maternity clothes, vitamins, everything. No help from her family at all. I dont know where my boys find these women but I think I need to take applications.
Young adults are such spoiled brats. My sd 23 is the same way. I would just ignore that behavior. How old is she
Seems WAY too one sided to be an accurate telling of the story.
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The baby sitting stops now. I’ve got a lot more to say that’s not Facebook appropriate. What a snob.
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I would definitely tell her that you saw what she said and want to talk about it. Definitely don’t let this go, it needs to be addressed
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For the childrens sake…just be there. Mention that you no longer can do as much for them with buying things but that you are there to support them in other ways…love and emotional support. IT is time they step up and pay for their own things…she sounds spoiled and uses people when she can…don’t allow it anymore.
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Maybe she feels you’re being fake? And all this sounds pretty one-sided to me. I would love to hear her side of the story too.
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I wish I had a mother in law like you, it’s been me and my kids 24-7 never any grandparents involved. My honest opinion is that she is spoiled and takes you for granted. You are amazing and are special. You definitely need to have a sit down talk with her and your son. Anyone would be lucky to have you as a nana and a mom. Best of luck to you.
Confront her nicely and tell her what you found and ask what you can do to fix it. She’ll feel like crap and deserves to
I mean your comments about her leaving her kids with any & eveybody & how much you do for her & blah blah make it seem like you’re not as innocent in the situation as you make yourself out to be. 
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I would give anything to of had a mother like you in my children’s and my life… My mom died when I was 12… That girl is so ungrateful… I suggest talking to your son about it. If she has said something like that to her friend I’m sure she said something like that to your son! Don’t let the ugliness dull your shine. Keep being beautiful. Many wishes
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UNGRATEFUL BITCH id tell my son to get his lil gf in line before i have to boyyyyyyy
You can’t expect someone to love you and praise you just because you bought them things.
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i feel like there is alot more to this story then whata being saod
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This just leaves me scratching my head. Can the daughter in law please tell her side. Lol. Jk. But seriously 
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As a mom years ago I had no help. My MIL was the trainer for MIL from Hell. Nothing I did was right and oh how I hated her. Years later, with my second her comment was “oh g$# dam& another mouth to feed. My son couldnt afford the two of you, and now you are pregnant again” I Hated her, still do and karma found her a few years ago. Was kind of sad but she played my boys against one another and they figured it out. It was pathetic and she would say I made them hate her.
Now my son and DIL have no problem with me. I knew she was pregnant because she called me…I have a beautiful surprise baby and couldnt be more proud of all of them. I promised on their wedding day that I would try to never step over my boundary. She knows how much joy my grand brings to me and she calls me, or texts me often. She graciously accepts and asks for assistance with the baby if she is sick, uncomfortable, whatever. I am so proud to be asked to babysit…although it has never been overnight or 7 days a week. Maybe you could just ask her what she needs and give her the opportunity to pick ours some outfits or a diaper bag. I know you mean well, but some people are not prepared to be a mommy yet. How does she react with her mom? I would probably ask them to sit down to talk…be honest that you have seen the text if you want, but be prepared as she might explode even if she left it open. Just ask if you have been overbearing and that you dont want any friction so what can you do to work things out. From my inner person who hates conflict, I may just stop doing so much and see if they bring it up… best of luck, I pray that maybe she will see her issues.
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She left it open on your phone so it’s not your fault you saw it, I’d confront her. Or maybe your son first and go from there
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When you buy all these things, do you include her or just buy what you want?
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I feel there’s more to the story. You’re definitely leaving something out. You may not have meant to, but some where along the line you crossed a boundary. Instead of asking us, ask her in a polite manner and then you guys can move forward from there.
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Well I would question to the fact if she really loves her boyfriend , after all if it wasn’t for his mother , then her boyfriend wouldn’t exist , or her child FACT
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Empty head and heart.Let GOD handle it
It could be she’s jealous of you in some ways… I used to hate my mil even though she does so much for us. It was the bond she has with my husband that bugged me. I felt like she was ALWAYS in our business. But once I sat down with her and let her know how I felt it calmed down now I love her
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What does your son do if you buy everything and look.after the kids all the time. Perhaps you should kick.him.into shape.
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Straight up ask her why she made that comment
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I would stop making thing’s so easy for her and I would definitely confront her about what she said, especially if you’re hurt. Ask her what the hell you did to make her feel that way. Be there for your grandkids but let her be a mommy and figure shit out for a change, and maybe she will appreciate you.
It makes no sense she would hate you if u are so great. Maybe she was talking about someone else ?
If it is exactly like u say, then I’m sorry u are hurt. Other than that not much to say bc u seem perfect.
I mean I dont know the whole story and there could be alot of info missing… but she sounds pretty ungrateful to me.
My parents have basically done this for me( taking full custody until I get back on my feet, feed her, house her, basically whatever she wants and needs shes 2 next month) but I obviously dont leave my daughter with anybody.
I would distance myself and ask to see them on your time not when she wants to pawn them off.
I wish my mom was around to enjoy and my baby have her as part of her life 
never know what you truly have until its gone.
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Unfortunately some people are incredibly ungrateful. No matter what you DO for someone, they’ll feel some type of way, for whatever reason. - sounds like you need to stop bending over backwards for her. I know their your grandchildren, but shes completely taking advantage n that’s not ok. She needs to learn to respect you. BUT, first, she needs to act like a grown up and a mother and start doing things for herself n kids! I’d talk with her about it n set some boundaries.
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She could just be venting. I love my MIL but there are days I’ll tell my friends I straight up cant stand her. Honestly wouldnt even worry about it.
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Hmmm. There’s more to this story.
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She sounds like a narcissistic brat.
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This makes me sad. Have you spoken to your son about this?
Just talk to her…maybe in your mind you think your not over stepping boundaries and your being supportive and have done not a thing to give her any reason for her to dislike you or whatever… but maybe in her opinion you have… and you don’t see it. 
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Step back and just do what might be a necessity, if needed for your grandchildren. People take other people for granted, and don’t even realize what they have.
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I mean, are you trying to buy her love? No, right? I would just have an open conversation with her.
Just tell her you saw her hurtful message on ur phone and ask her why she feels that way. Be open and honest. Don’t show her you are angry but tell her you are hurt. Get to the bottom of it all. It’s the only way to sort it out.
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You bought her nappy bag? (diaper bag)
Did you choose it yourself? or take your Son and her shopping together?
And you wrote you didn’t overstep your bounds??
Seems like you’re doing too much.
Don’t make yourself available to babysit and she’ll soon realise how good you have been to her and your Son and her with buying things for the baby.
Why hasn’t your Son stepped up?
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I think she is somewhat ungrateful, and maybe asking her to go with to pick out the stuff she wanted. I know my Dil would be highly upset if I’d just gone out and bought everything without her input. Hell, she was upset that I bought a costume without checking in with her. So that may also be part of the problem.
Does she possibly sense your reluctance to take the kids sometimes? I think that she needs to be caring for them when not at work unless she has some kind of appt. However, I also understand that you are concerned about who she might be leaving the kids with otherwise, and telling a Nana not to care is like telling a fish not to swim in water. I watched my first granddaughter for the first year, but I cannot emotionally nor physically handle both at once and now they have to use daycare. It’s okay to set boundaries, and for her to set boundaries as well. She might be thinking that you’ll stop helping them if you don’t get the grandkids all the time… Sit down and clear the air as a family. Write out your concerns and what you are willing to continue doing. If she tells you that she feels a certain way, validate it and try to understand things from her perspective. Best of luck.
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I would definitely say something to your son, but in a calm and hurt manner. I would attempt to not talk bad about her with your son, but just say that you were hurt and you didn’t understand. Maybe she mistook something you did or there is just some confusion that needs to be cleared up. Don’t let something fester into something worse that can be handled with a calm conversation. If she can talk to you, I would talk to her as well. It might have been a private conversation you were never supposed to see and maybe she was agitated that day? I’m sure you’ve said things about people you’d never want them to hear. I hope that everything works out 
Maybe she feels bad and somewhat resentful towards you that she couldn’t provide for her baby. That’s a deep rooted problem. Hers. Not yours.
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What other people think about you is none of your business.
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Mmmm from someone who has a shitty mil something with this story sounds fishy. No one ever wants to be seen as a bad person to others but always wants a side chosen. If what you say is true then drop it if you both are able to be civil face to face then however she feels is just her own thoughts . I do however find it odd you were looking on her stuff once you realized it was on your phone then you should have deleted it .I totally get wanting to be nosey I probably couldn’t have helped it either. Just drop it so you can see your grandbaby and keep things civil . Is it really worth the drama that will come of it?
I buy things for our grand children when I find something they may like and I give them money for holidays I try to not go overboard I have 4 grandchildren I love them all and I try not to leave anyone out they are all precious and they appreciate little things like gum candy gator five dollars for Valentine’s day and I try to buy the baby clothes when I can I try not to interfere but little things mean as much the bigger things they know I love them and that is all that matters just tell them you are trying to help out and you love them if that does not work just quit doing it maybe they feel like you are doing too much and they want to do the things you are doing for the baby talk to them
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Could it have been a case of she was having a bad day and being an over dramatic young mom? I constantly hear from my fiance how he hates his grandmother, but she raised his son for quite some time. In my case she way overstepped some boundaries and would not allow him to be a parent. I hear a constant he hates her for this or that reason but then he can go over and be nice as pie when he needs something from her. That’s immaturity on his part and could be what was happening on your grandchilds mother’s part? At the end of the day, you guys are family through that child. It takes a lot of grace to raise them right and I would not allow myself (imo) to be hurt by something said.
I would like to hear the other version, the wolf will always be bad if we only listen to Little Red Riding Hood.
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Some things you will never understand ! This generation is so selfish ! So sorry
I can somewhat see why she may not like you already, you’re nosy for one. (Could’ve just logged out without getting in her business) Definitely another side to this story
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Sometimes it’s not what you do but how you come across, and the communication could be broke there. Best thing would be to ask her about it and let her know how you fee. That way you have a chance at repairing whatever her issue is, sometimes it’s just the other persons issues and there’s nothing you can do to change their outlook 
She might not have liked you to begin with, but obviously she is respectful to you and you didn’t know this about her because you found it on her messenger…I would let her know personally you saw it… Nicely and try to find the issue
Have that conversation and tell her that your kindness isn’t weakness and you value is much more than her attitude. She won’t take you’re grandchild away bc like you said she depends on you alot. Your son should also take your feelings into accountability too.
Set boundaries. Regardless of how she feels you want to see your grandbaby but not on her terms it should be on yours as well. If you’re tired and need a break then tell her you will only watch kids on days shes working or give her specific days u are willing to. If she uses it against you then that will be her loss. Keep being nice enough for the sake of your son and grandchild. I would mention to her casually that she forgot to sign out of her messenger acct on your phone and let her panic…lol
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I would do what ever it takes to be with my grandkids. I would be good to her and do what I could to help her . At least if she takes them away from you she will know what you did for her.
Ask her if you have offended her if you like it might help.
This may sound like a weird question but is she mentally ill in some sort of way? If things are the way you say they are it’s not logical for her to say those things. It seems like there’s more you aren’t seeing.
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I have been there so completely heart broken but through my tears and battles I have learned to love my grandchildren all the time and keep them in my prayers no matter what and I still love my daughter in law because she’s my grand babies mom and takes great care of them and my son is deeply in love with her also; I see it this way be happy as long as they are all happy and when they need me I am always available. I can’t go far beyond no more cause it wouldn’t mater. It’s going to be it is what it is. I shed too many tears and nothing changed . So all I do is is love them deeply and beyond . No matter what and then there will be that day you realize she never really hated you , she was just trying to grow up and be the responsible mom that she knew she could be. Especially when she has her mom to guide her through. You can’t take no ones place, its a hard lesson when you love deeply
Thats a tough one. I wouldn’t say anything to her. She sounds immature and she may be the type to keep the kids from you
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Well, peer pressure may have something to do with the words on your phone, what is sometimes said to others is not necessary what they feel.
Also your son might be telling her how good you are, " my mum does this, my mum does that" she will be thinking that your son is hers and perhaps she thinks your coming between them, young minds may not understand how helpful you are being, good luck that you can find a answer to this situation
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Don’t make her an enemy or you will lose him
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She’s young and doesn’t have much family dynamic experience. She may feel intimidated by your influence and relationship with her baby’s father. She’s young and just learning her way. Obviously those who know the truth know how hard it is to get so much family help and assistance but also try and make sure you’re not throwing it in their faces and expecting a level of control/say because of it. If my MIL were helping a lot but also trying to have a say in everything I’d probably resent it also. Help if you want to and out of love and not to get involved or be an authority in the child’s life. Over time she’ll love you and your relationship will evolve to much more
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You need to sit down with your son n her n talk it over
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I think maybe you’re taking over a bit. And nobody is buying “she just left her phone open.” They’re adults. Try asking how you can help. Just doing it for them is a terrible idea.
I mean, she can not like you, and maybe was just venting? I’m not the biggest fan of my MIL but I’ll act civil and be nice to her all day for my husband
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“Ever since I found out she was expecting I went and bought everything you possibly need for a baby.”
Oh dear…the answer is there in the first line.
She and your son were probably excited to go out and choose everything together and you’ve kind of taken over the experience and claimed it for yourself. Maybe you thought you were being helpful, maybe you got overexcited, but is it the help they wanted and asked for?
In the rest of your text it started to creep in how you dislike her and want to undermine her, how you went snooping on her messenger and now woe is you?
Sorry to break it to you but you’re in danger of being one of “those” mother in laws. If you reign it in a bit now it sounds like you can still have a good relationship with them all. Your son probably just tries to keep you happy I imagine?
Don’t be too upset about the message either. She may have just been having a bad five minutes.
Just put yourself in her shoes or think back to when you were a mother of young kids. Be the mother in law you would have wanted. And you don’t need to be watching the children every day. Just say you want a couple of days a week off for whatever. If she does get someone else to watch them, is that so bad?
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She is just ungrateful and there is no way you can make her, if she cant even be bothered to care about her kids she wont ever care about you
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Ungrateful BUT your love for YOUR child and their family is beyond the petty “oh she don’t like me”
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I hate when people throw up " I bought this and this for them" that’s such a crap comment. I mean if they ASKED you to go buy it then that’s one thing but if not, and you were just doing it bc u wanted to then don’t throw it up. I mean I’m not saying they shouldn’t say thank you bc that’s a given. For example, my boyfriend’s mom is always trying to give us stuff, we don’t have room for more stuff, honestly I would be happy getting rid of half the stuff we do have, she one time HOUNDED us for months about a stand alone freezer that we told her multiple times we didn’t want/have room for, one day I come home and there she is with this huge freezer… And then, anytime we can’t do whatever she wants whenever she wants us to she throws up " I gave y’all that freezer!" Like seriously? Maybe just maybe, she didn’t want u to buy all that stuff… Maybe she wanted to get to pick out her own stuff for her baby ( diaper bag, pack and play, ect) I know when my kids were babies I loved picking stuff out for them, it’s fun. Did u take that away from her by just going buying what YOU wanted the baby to have or did u ask what she like? I know beggers can’t be choosers… But if they weren’t begging… Then maybe they wanted to get to choose.
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She sounds spoiled. And sounds like she needs to be checked.
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She sounds like an ungrateful bitch… Wow… I would simply stop doing things for someone who doesn’t appeiciate you.
I’d say sit them both down and have a talk. And also address how the "child"aka the girlfriend is makkng you feel. Yes if she feels like your over stepping, she SHOULD use her big girl words and speak up. Instead of finding reasons to be bitter. But if she is going around telling people she hates you for reasons she made up, then she needs to grow up.
Also, they need to tell in their own words if they want help or not. They, as parents and grown ups, need go set boudnaries too and not just assume that everyine knows what they are thinking.
For the babies sake ignore this. I would cut back on babysitting though. Maybe when she works only. Find something else to do on the days she’s not working. Lie about it if you have to. Don’t call, quit buying stuff for her or the kids. If you want to buy the kid’s things buy them for your house. Be nice so you don’t lose time with the babies but don’t do anything extra. But once she picks the kid’s up have no contact. If she asks why things seem different, then tell her, nicely. Unfortunately in order to continue spending time with the grandbabies you need to gently back away. Sorry your going through this. Some people are just to full of themselves.
I only read the first sentence and if she hates you stop going above and beyond for her. Simple. Don’t do for people who don’t appreciate you.
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Maybe she didn’t want you to buy all the things, maybe ask in future. We see posts on here weekly about the nana buying all the things and the baby mum resents her for it. How about asking her what she needs or wants for the baby, rather than just assuming you are helping
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Sounds like shes a user and youre the one being used
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Stab her in the face with a fork… At least then she will have reason to hate you
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Let the woman buy her own stuff and step back. Don’t let people mistreat you honey.
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Let someone else watch the kids! Believe me, she will come running back! She is so unappreciative! That is not acceptable! She is not allowed to hold your grandbabies ransom! Bullshit!
I’m so sorry you are going thru this 
. I think I would sit down with her and your son , explain to them how you came about knowing she hates you . Ask her why she hates you ? Sometimes people don’t hate other people just the things they do !! Maybe your doing to much . Some kids now days are so immature. 
This Nana feels your pain 
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I used to watch my grandchildren 7 days a week. I am disabled but love them so much. When it got to a point that I had to stop watching them on Sunday’s their dad took them away completely. I understand your fear and wish you luck.
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I’m sorry you’re going through this and you should be sitting her down and telling her that she left her messages open and you wanted to know why she said she hates you because you genuinely care for her and your grandchildren and want her to be happy, then see what she says if she’s being a bitter bitch about you helping her out with the baby stuff she wants but can’t afford or watching her kids then politely tell her that while you love your grandchildren you will not be watching them if she is at home anymore and then stop buying her stuff. I would kill to have someone buy my children the things I can’t afford but need and I would kill to have a person willing to watch my children I haven’t had a night out with my husband in over 3 years because I have no one to watch the kids for the night or even a few hours. Your daughter in law sounds like a spoiled brat who needs a reality check and needs to grow a backbone and tell you to your face what’s bothering her instead of talking about you behind your back then just letting you buy everything and still talk shit about you. You sound like an amazing grandma
I would talk to her and your son at the sane time about this. She sounds like a brat. I would admit you saw Messenger and that it hurt your feelings deeply as you have done nothing but show love and provide support. I would leave the floor open for her to respond. My guess is she will be embarrassed and may open up about what her deal is. Your son can also help by saying to her at that time that you are not going away and you are a part of those grand babies!
I’m sure a lot of people would LOVE if someone bought everything they needed for their kids for them so that you don’t have to. Personally, I’m not one of those people. I’d rather struggle and ask for help as needed than not even be given the chance to try on my own. I’d feel like you’re overstepping
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Is it a joy to help out? Or a feeling of a I have to. If you enjoy helping her do so. If not just relax. Her happiness isn’t dependent on you.