It was a private conversation, though by her mistake was left for you to see, still private, nonetheless. Let it go. Nothing good will come from you confronting her on it. However, you should def confront her about her behavior with leaving the kids with you for so long.
Your a very loving person. Do what you can to help them of course and I believe she has some kind of jealousy of you. Mother Son relationships are strong so start trading lightly without crossing over and above. Keep watching the kids because they wonât be kids forever and let God handle the rest
Did she leave it for you to see on purpose to start drama between you and your son?
As I agree with she doesnât deserve you to go above and beyond I donât think stopping is the answer. Those children deserve the world and if their mama is like that then chances are she isnât giving them the love and attention they need either.
Intentionally or not, youâre taking over HER child, or at least giving that impression. Maybe she resents not having a choice in clothes etc. Maybe she resents not being able to.You mentioned her previous child. Does this mean sheâs lost one? If so, your over indulging could be perceived as taking over because sheâs not a good enough Mum. Does she have post natal depression? I have no doubts that your intentions are entirely honourable but could be seen otherwise, for a vast variety of reasons. Have a full and frank chat with your son. Heâll want to keep you both on side so heâs perfectly placed to advise you what you need to ease off on, and reassure her that youâre not trying to be controlling. Good luck.
You canât make someone like you no matter what you do for them.
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Two sides to every storyâŚ
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Iâm going to give you the best advice I can in the situation. You are a grandparent, and as such, you have no rights. Iâm so sorry itâs like this, but it is what it is. The mother of your sonâs child has proven in one hurtful action that she is immature, ungrateful and petty. This is a dangerous combo for a grandparent - so I would let it go, if you can. I live by a quote that goes (paraphrasing), âother peopleâs opinion of you is none of your business.â Meaning, you canât control what others think of you, and you shouldnât try, and frankly their opinion of you says way more about them than youâŚso no matter if itâs good or bad, you keep doing your best and donât worry about it.
If keeping your grandkids, and providing for your grandkids is in their best interest and gives you peaceâŚthen you just keep doing what you are doing and be kind. She obviously has problems and itâs not for you to repair. Your kindness to her is ultimately whatâs good for your relationship with your grandchildren. Now, if it escalates, Iâd try to let your son mediate if possible and you just keep taking the high road and being kind. It might even turn into a bit of a shit show if she decides to make her feelings known to you, but if you remain graceful, you stand a better chance of getting through it without any serious damage to your relationship with your grandchildren.
Lastly, I have to agree with others here - it sounds as though sheâs becoming very resentful of all your help. She shouldnât be - if they are in a situation where they need help, esp where a child is involved, they should be extremely grateful. But often, thatâs not how this works. If you are taking it upon yourself to get anything aside from holiday gifts and the occasional grandmotherly treat, Id stop. I think if they come to you sharing that they have specific needs, or if you want to occasionally ask if they need anything, thatâs fine. Otherwise, back off some.
Itâs touchy. What I want to tell you is to tell her that if she feels that way, youâll just let them handle everything financially from here on out. But we both know how that would go down. On the other hand, donât let her treat you like shit and also take advantage of your generous spirit. Itâs gonna be a delicate tightrope, and itâs not fairâŚbut do what you can (within reason) and at the end of the day, you know that if she doesnât like you it really is her problem. One last thingâŚthis is between you and them. Only speak to your grandchildren about the best aspects of their mother, and if you canât do that, just donât say anything about her to them at all, other than superficial day to day conversation.
She doesnât have to like you! 
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I would definitely confront t her. Sheâs being ungrateful. I would like say something tactful though cuz you donât want to jeopardize not seeing you grand kids. Like say something like this
I just want to know if your ok with me doing the things I do for your kids. Please let me know if I ever step over my boundaries. I wouldnât want you to hate me or anything. Just to see what she says. Good luck
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Tell your son you love him & stop doing stuff for them theyâll either sick or swim. I get theyâre your grandchildren & you love them. She hates you walk away.
Sad how ungrateful some people can be sorry youâre going through this should be thankful if anything
Maybe this is just gossip? I would take her out for a cup of coffee
and communicate with her
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Nope she would be buying her own stuff
I would definitely ask her about it
She sounds immature. I would let her do\buy for herself and see how she likes that.
I would confront her if I were you.
Sounds like you have left absolutely nothing for her. You have taken over everything. Itâs like she is completely unnecessary. Sad. Controlling extremely controlling. Nothing left for anyone.
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Sounds like sheâs just ungrateful and needs a coming to Jesus talk.
Also pray over your situation âŚ
Donât feel bad my husbandâs sister hates me for nothing. I never have done anything bad towards her or her children I always helped her with her son I treated her son like my own blood nephew but for some unknown reason sheâs hates me and is telling people that Iâm dyingâŚpeople have been coming up to my husband asking him if Iâm okay and she is saying that Iâm dying. Sheâs a miserable person so donât feel bad Iâm in the same boat.
Ignore her, sheâs obviously immature. Just dont do for her anymore!
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Definitely ask her. Sounds like sheâs a spoiled little brat. Then take a step back & let her do it all on her own
Do for the kids not for her sounds like she is a spoiled brat
Um⌠
she is entitled to her opinion. You canât change it. Thatâs not your job. Either except it or make a change. I donât think you can expect your son to do anything. Like⌠walk away from your wife and child or make her like me? You can inform him that you are aware of how she feels. Share how you feel. But really nothing else. Iâd just ignore it and love on my grand babies. I could except her opinion. Itâs not your job to fix it.
I would confront her and tell her if she starts ranting for no reason what an ungrateful pos she is. Itâs your sons kids to. Iâm sure heâs going to let you see them. So go for it. She needs to be called out.
GlammaâŚplsâŚdonât waste your timeâŚalways knowâŚBaby momma and daddy, need glamma moreâŚIF, their dumb asses dont see how their action affect their kidsâŚtheir problem. I have 4 and what ya aint gone do is use them for your Tom Fuckery or Sill Treachery. Dont use grandkids against grandparentsâŚ
What a fucking ungrateful bitch!!
What an ungrateful bitch
Tough love Stop giving ,sme ppl to ur kindness for,weakness.you really miss wht you donât hv.leave her aloneâŚher telling sme1she hate you is a way of excusing all your kindness.No moreâ:loudspeaker:Tuff love is powerful.she gna ask for smethnâŚA NO!!IS NICE 
AMIGOâ:sunglasses:
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She might be projecting those feelings because she knows she canât do what you do for her child. OR your son maybe low-key dissing you so she feels like she has the space to do so too or like stated above, she may just feel you are âtoo muchâ. Either way I would not let them know that you went through her messages and seen it, I would take a step back and do less. Sure buy things for the baby as your heart calls, but keep them at your house, for when you have the baby (which sounds like often) the baby will still benefit from Grandmaâs love. And when they come up short handed, because you stopped doing for them, theyâll realize how much youâve always done and hopefully be more grateful when you decide to help.
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I hear you. I go out of the way for my daughter and son-In-law. Had a car once they borrowed a lot, when it broke down he wanted to charge me parts and LABOR to work on it. Needed a way to get to a school for his job and asked if he could use my motorcycle. He charged me $50 to get it running, I had to pay for a tag and insurance for him to use it⌠he drove it one time, wound up staying with his brother and riding with him, leaving my motorcycle 45 minutes away in the rain and weather for 3 weeks before he went to get it. I canât count the times weâve gone out to eat and Iâve paid for it all, bought clothes for the grandkids, shoes etc. but if my daughter is somewhere and picks something up for me he stands there when she gives it to me and makes sure I give her every penny back right then. If I say something, she instantly defends him and accuses me of hating him.
Her phone is on my plan. Her pmt is $40 a month for the phone and $20 for the usage fee. Iâve never asked her for a penny of it.
Itâs a no win situation. I just stopped having anything to do with them, only take the babies when the babies call and want to see me.
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Shes sounds ungrateful to me.Stop doing a few things for her(I know you dont want to because you love your grandbaby) but she needs to learn. My mother in law takes my youngest once a week(if she could she would take her more), spoils her rotten and I love her for that. Once a week may not compare to how much you watch yours but I am still grateful. Iâd have a talk with her and your son. I say both together because if my mil had an issue Iâd want my husband present so theres no lying about what was said etc etc
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Iâd talk to your son about it and her too if possible. If sheâs willing to leave the baby will anyone that would make me uncomfortable. Maybe she should seek a doctor to help with her mental health. Do whatever you think is best, for you and your grandchild.
I wish I had advice for you. I havenât reached grandparent stage yet, my own kids are still teenagers. I wish you the wisdom and strength you need to make the best decision for yourself!
It may have nothing to do with you and everything to do with her past. She could be overwhelmed, insecure, scared, or take everything the wrong way. Itâs definitely something she needs to learn, and comes to terms with.
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I say, if you have an issue with her, take it up with her. Talk to her and set boundaries. If you have set times she needs you, fine, otherwise, youâve raised your child, you should be able to enjoy time doing what you like. If she takes it out on you, then talk with your son about having visitation with your grandchild.
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I think you should talk to her casually. Communication is key. You may be doing things or making her feel a certain way without even knowing it. Maybe if you talk to her about how sheâs been feeling you could gain some understanding of where sheâs coming from
Donât even confront her.u kw wht you read keep it to yourselfâ:joy:cz you so b call noseyâ:joy:bt u donât beg worry o cry wlk awayâŚthe results are awesme.go treat urself
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Create healthy boundaries, donât over step when it comes to providing things baby needs, especially advice if not asked, there is something that is rubbing her the wrong wayâŚonly offer to help them with buying things IF they ask you going forward, or any parenting advice if not asked, donât undermine them/her in any way. However, it does take a village to raise a family and she sounds incredibly ungrateful. For someone who canât stand you she doesnât have any problem accepting help and baby sitting services from you. Sound like sheâs using you.
Because you do too much for her, youâre spoiling her. As painful as it will be, you have to stand back. If that means she finds another sitter, then thatâs what it means. If you do this, she will realize how much she appreciates you, I promise!
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May sound ungrateful but it could be shes peeved you went and bought everything without her, I know I would feel a bit bleh if my mum had done so, donât mind bits and Bobâs bought and having no say, but that may be her reason. As to her not picking the kids up, and only saying about her, wheres your son? Is it possible shes going through depression as well and is that exhausted herself which why she doesnât pick them up or is she out partying and leaving them with whoever? Just some bits missing and I canât tell if shes a bit of a cow or if she may need some help
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I believe itâs wrong to talk to your son about this without her. As they are a team and talking to him alone is not right. Honestly, you are probably overbearing, since you said you bought EVERYTHING and she is most likely sick of it. And Who the fuck reads someoneâs messages that are not theirs to read. Personally you were snooping weather she left it logged in or not. You have no right saying anything in my opinion, she is allowed to not like you as you canât control someoneâs view of you. Take a few steps back and see if it relieves some stress from the relationship. Thereâs a lot of mothers out there that have a REAL hard time not being the women in control of their sons lives anymore.
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I wouldnât say anything. What you say and do shows your character, what she says and does shows hers. I agree she might feel like maybe you are doing things the mom should be even if thatâs not the intention. I would just start asking if they need anything and if they yes then get it. Otherwise just get the fun Nana stuff. Personally I wouldnât feel that way if someone gave up that much of their lives to watch my kids, but everyone is different.
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Say nothing. Have clear boundaries with your son and know his expectations. 80% of boys will side with the mother, so he likely sticks up for you. Do not meddle in the relationship. If it does not work you and they divorce⌠seeing your grandchild may be a challenge.
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Shes jealous, id assume you have a different relationship w/son than she did. Either continue as you are or allow her to figure it out alone. Tough love.
Sounds like your raising the baby more than she is. Sounds like she is takings you for granted as she knows the baby is healthy, happy and taken care of. Try letting her do some stuff on her own, make her buy the baby the diapers, wipes, etc. Watch the baby less. This might be the only way she will appreciate you
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Tell your son exactly what you just posted to us. Let him know you are scared that she wont let you have the kids anymore if you talk to her about it.
BUT!
Had you not been snooping through her messages you wouldnt even know what she said about you or anyone, thatâs where you over stepped your boundries. She left it open on your phone by mistake and you violated her privacy. And sadly you may just lose your âargumentâ about her disrespect, that again you wouldnât have known existed had you just logged out of her messanger rather than going through it.
I wonder if what you read was the lie? There is the âhating the MILâ culture, my MIL can be overwhelming but I donât hate her. Sure I winge about her every now and again but Iâm pleased she is my MIL cos it could be so much worse lol.
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Playing devilâs advocate, howâs your relationship with your son? My MIL is overwhelming. Iâm grateful she does so much for the boysâ and us but she can call my husband 5 times a day. I roll my eyes every time she callsđ. I would say try to examine all possible reasons she may have negative feelings towards you.
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Iâd say something, Iâd just be like âhey, so remember when I let you use my phone? Well you left the messages up an I noticed my name so I read what it said. Why do you hate me ? Whatâs your reasoning for it? â
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Ask. Tell her it hurt you. And if thatâs what she truly wants you can stop helping her
As a mum to 3 babies, I would love a mother in law that was supportive and had my children but unfortunately I donât ! Itâs easy to take people for granted when you have that support. I would 1000% ask her what the problem is ? Stop doing so much ! She may appreciate you more and realise how lucky she is x
Why donât you just ask her? I know I would. Donât let her avoid the issue of why you read her message, because she will try that. Just be soft-spoken but firmly ask her why until you get an answer and then go on to how you both could fix it or move on from it! Sometimes there is no specific reason why someone dislikes you and thereâs not much you can do about it. She really isnât your issue but your grandchild certainly is. Stay firm but as kind as you can be.
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There could be something in the history that she was hurt over and never let go, she could feel over-run? Itâs hard to tell without just asking. She may have just wanted to be included in those purchases.
Communication is everything, and although you show that you care by doing and providing for someone, they may not interpret care or love that way. (The Five Love Languages book is amazing)
Best of luck 
Stop giving! She gonna need you and then sit her down and tell her how this has made you feel
How old is she? Did she ask you to buy all of that? Is she a lazy mom or are you just feeling some type of way right now? If you want to aviod drama either ask her as a woman and adult but nicely. But if you want drama go to your son. He will tell her every thing but it wont sound as nice as u wantâŚshe will prolly get defensiveâŚwhich in long run wont be good for you
file for custody and child support
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Some people are just negative jerks
Because thatâs what they do.
Have a sit down talk with her and your son and let them know how you feel
Sounds like she needs to experience reality, quit helping and see what happens 
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Maybe shes just having a bad day and your annoying her. Your not her friend your her bfs mom.
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Sounds like a witch. Stop.buying things make her and your son do what they are suppose to. Pill back and let them handle it. Also I would print it out and show it to both her and your son together. Tell them straight up that you only meant to help and not harm , that you had no ideas they had those feelings and then just stop.
It will be hard on you cause you want to help
I promise it will be better for you. They decided to have the kids, if she had a problem she should have spoken up. She sounds childish and immature .sorry this happened to you .
Iâd ask the son what the hell he sees in her.
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Keep track of when you have the kids (dates and time) and if sheâs at work or not. Why does she need anyone to watch the kids when sheâs not working? You may needi this sooner or later if you decide sheâs unfit to be a mother and take her to court. You raised your kids now it seems like youâre raising hers. Stop doing everything for her and quit buying everything. Make her raise her own kids. You are spoiling an ungrateful brat. Next time sheâs off work make yourself unavailable. You need to have a talk with your son also.
She is obviously a bitch and you did all of that from the kindness of your heart honestly stop doing shit for her unappreciated little ass she doesnât like you fine leave her alone sheâs a gf anyway not his wife so fuck her you see your grandchild through your son talk to him about it all and let him know you arenât being nice anymore you can do things for your grand baby without her but anything you buy keep it at your house but you canât make anyone like you some people are just pricks and you donât need that in your life hun