First of all, this is not your kid and it’s normal so it doesn’t really matter wtf you think 
ESPECIALLY because it seems his FATHER is not bothered. And even if he was, it isn’t up to either of you. It’s literally not ANY different than if it were his sister, they’re both teens going through puberty and again this is NATURAL. Would you rather him use a toy or go out and have sex with somebody and potentially catch something? Put it back and pretend you never found it. Then have his father give him the talk, but don’t mention what you saw. Just make sure he’s informed and safe, the rest is not your business.
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Just let him know you are there if he needs to talk to you with no judgement you are there to support any decisions he makes about his sexuality
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Maybe she isn’t saying that SHE wouldn’t have the talk with him, maybe she is saying that his direct relatives (who a lot of your feel are the appropriate ones to talk with him) are the ones that won’t and are brushing it off.
Either way, 14 year olds have hormones and are going to be sexually active whether anyone says they are ‘too young’ or not. There is absolutely nothing wrong with them experimenting and learning about their bodies before they find someone they want to share that experience with. I don’t think she needs to do anything other than a simple ‘hey I know you’re at the age where you are becoming a mature adult, if you have any questions or need to talk, I’m here’.
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It’s his toys, his body. He’s coming into that age. Just mention it to his dad and leave it alone. Don’t clean his room or go through his stuff anymore, he’s going to need privacy now.
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Yes it’s normal for a kid to experiment but my question is what adult is giving this kid a sex toy?!!! Whoever it is is comfortable enough to do this is also doing comfortable doing other things! I wonder if it’s an adult he met online and is experimenting /being used by:interrobang:
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It sounds like you’re looking for the public’s approval to discipline your 14 year old gay son for being curious, by your own admittance a normal thing perfectly acceptable for your straight daughter. Honestly this post reads homophobic all over it 
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Well first off, I don’t think it’s your place to say a word being that he is a boy and not your biological son. If you must though…
Accept him for who he is.
Educate him.
Mind your own business.
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Teach him about safe sex/proper toy cleaning and storage. Don’t shame him for who he is.
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So seem gender bias there. Talking your brain into thinking you’re ok with ittt bc when not. Talk, and maybe try understand whatever his going through may not be gay,
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leave him alone and let him explore his sexuality and let him find hisself
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Stay the fck out of his room! You weren’t “cleaning”, you were snooping!
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If he’s into it then he’s not too young anymore. Telling him so is not going to stop him either. Just talk to him about being safe and let him know you’re a safe place to come. He’s going to need support more than judgement.
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Just be supportive and reassure him that you are a safe haven for him to talk to openly. .no judgement even if it’s something you may not agree with etc… young boy’s girl’s going through that stuff have it hard enough and even more so in the LGBT community. . Who knows he may open up to you and speak to you about things he can’t say to his parents
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Uh…you said if he was a female it would be ok? Thats pretty fucked up dont you think? Bc your step son decided to be trans its not ok to be sexually active but you wouldn’t have a problem with it if it was your OWN daughter? Shame on you for being transphobic, hateful and just an all around shit parent all at once. I for one know if that was my son and you acted that way as a step mom towards him I would probably put my hands on you for mentally abusing my child. Shame on you!
Buy him some toy cleaner and let him know you support him
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nothing, it’s my stepson, it’s up to his parents to handle situations like this. if you found things casually cleaning, it’s evident he isn’t trying to hide it. Or you’re digging too deep.
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So you’re saying if it was a 14 year old girl and you found sex toys you would be ok with it but bc its a boy you think 14 is too young?
You should be supportive either way. Approach the situation calmly and respectfully if it’s going to be you having a talk with him. I’m sure that would be an awkward enough conversation for ANY 14 year old if you’re not close…
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Why were you cleaning his room? Why do you not give him privacy?
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If his Dad is ok with it then thats that…
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You aren’t ok with it bc you said if it was his sister it would be completely different. There’s no difference other then this makes u uncomfortable.
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Make sure he knows about safe cleaning and storage for sex toys.
And buy him the clothes he wants to wear.
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Mind your own business honestly that’s what you should do. Seems like you are against gay people cause you literally said if he was a girl and you found the stuff that it wouldn’t be a problem but because he’s a boy and using them then it’s wrong? Like do you hear yourself honestly? And I honestly doubt you were just cleaning and just came upon them seems like you were searching thru his things without his permission which in my eyes is completely wrong of you because I HIGHLY SERIOUSLY doubt he would just have those laying around out in the open. Plus if grandmother and dad don’t seem bothered by it then leave that child alone seriously. My son is 13 years old and I’ve had the talk and the importance of using protection when he decides to have sex and I’ve been having that talk with him since he was young and my child comes to me with questions about things about his body that we discuss cause I refuse to let my son be ashamed of his body and I never want my child to be scared or worried about coming to me.
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Mind my business and be more careful next time. Maybe make sure they’re cleaning & storing their toys properly, but go about it in a way that won’t make them uncomfortable.
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I would talk to him.about making sure his toys are cleaned and disinfected and have a talk about condoms and at least it was a actual toy because i do know of a female that was using her electric toothbrush so it could be worse…
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I’m sorry… im trying to wrap my head around this.
If he was with a girl, u would have a talk… but because it is coming off as gay, there is an issue?
Guy or girl… straight or gay… the talk is the same talk… how to stay safe and being responsible 
And for everyone saying they shouldn’t be sexually active at 14, you’re entitled to your opinion… but thats not for everyone
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Mind your business. Not your kid.
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Honestly he’s 14 and masterbating, not being sexual with other people so I think you need to calm down a bit. In my opinion everyone needs a talk about proper cleaning of the toys and safe sex. But you shouldn’t do it. Only because I think you are being unsupportive. If you can be supportive, then let him be he will find his way.
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Well, at least he has his dad and grandma. You kinda suck🤷🏻♀️
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To be honest “way too young” is now old news… he’s doing it, he’s there in experience. Cant undo that.
What you can do
Have open, honest, free of judgement safe sex conversations to keep him safe. It’s not condoning it, not even close at that age but we were young, we know what “forbidding” it will do… push him into secrecy and deceit.
The important thing at this point is his safety and learning respectful boundaries with his body and what is/isn’t appropriate or safe.
Unconditional love and acceptance is needed.
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These comments 
In all honesty he’s 14 boys mature quicker when it comes to sexual orientation then girls just support him don’t get on to him or punish him let him know that you know and that he doesn’t have to be ashamed to you love him regardless try not to make a big deal about it because it could worsen the issues and I’m all honesty girls dress like boys from time in baggy cloths he’ll I did just support him
Sarah Diveley no words…
So alot of people are are saying you are overstepping as a step parent. I call bullshit on that. He is in your house and you pay bills in that house. For one just talk with him and cleaning and sanitizing said toys. And another give a box or a private space to keep said toys. Discuss things such a safe sex practicing for when he is ready. I have step kids and they come to me more than their own mother. Be open with him about learning and education. He will need someone to talk with at some point.
Maybe you should have this talk with his mother, or his father as it’s not your sole decision to make by yourself.
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Imo YOU shouldn’t be the one! 
your perspective will leave him hurt and ashamed . Either a t like you didn’t see anything or get his mom and or dad someone who doesn’t see what he’s doing is wrong . Exploring their sexuility is normal , healthy and age appropriate.
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Why would it be different if he was a girl?
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Talk communicate try to be supportive and non judgmental as personally to me you sound like a douchebag and I don’t think he is too young I think that’s around the age I got curious and started experimenting I don’t understand your concern?
Why is it okay for your daughter but not your son?? If he’s too young to be doing what he’s doing in the privacy of his own room, by himself, then your daughter is too young as well. Don’t be giving dou le standards just because he’s doing something you don’t really understand. Also, quit talking about it and telling family members what he’s doing. That’s wrong.
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You should probably not say a damn thing to that kid. Leave it to his parents.
Keep your nose out of it if it’s what he wants to do then let him be it’s down to his mum and dad to have the talk not you
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I lost my virginity at 14. Not that young tbh
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At 14 sex toys were never crossed my mind. Girl or boy. Usually a person that young cant even go to the store or buy it without being over 18. Id be more concerned with where he got it.
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I think it’s fine. Be sure he’s being safe when he decides to gravitate to sex with someone.
I don’t think him being a son or step son matter because you are with his parent and discuss what the other parents think.
He’s not doing anything wrong. Us females use things when we are young. Boys males do too.
Safely exploring one’s own body in the privacy of their own space isn’t wrong.
I’d encourage you to have the exact same conversation with your son that you would your daughter. Let them know you love & support them, that it’s okay & important to understand themselves physically. Talk about consent, body autonomy, & the beautiful freedom (& responsibility) that comes with these things.
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The fact that you yourself are sexist is gross.
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The only red flag I have is where did the toy come from.
Did his mom or dad buy it? Did he use someone’s card to order it? Is it a friend’s or is there some adult who bought it for him (which is creepy if some random adult was gifting your son a dildo). That should be answered.
He’s 14. I mean, proper storage and disinfection should be discussed (alot of germs up there). He needs to have the talk about safe sex regardless.
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It’s not a phase and he won’t grow out of it. He’s allowed some privacy and allowed to understand his own body.
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He should be allowed privacy in his space, without judgement or criticism. The fact that you feel like it would be fine for a girl, but not him is honestly the only problem here.
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Clearly he is not too young, he is already exploring his sexual needs. He knows what he needs in that department more than you would, so I would let him be. He’s old enough to clean his own room now, btw, so you don’t have to snoop through his stuff anymore!
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So you’re saying if it was a 14 year old girl with lube and a vibrator, it would be ok? But not a boy with a dildo. Gotcha.
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You people are fucked in the head 
You’re the worst person 
Its not different, you’re just close minded
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“I’m not against gay people”…proceeds to talk about being against what potentially gay son is doing solely because it isn’t a heterosexual act
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I would just discuss safe sex with him as you would with any child and also make sure he knows how to properly clean the toy so he doesn’t get any infections.
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Okay, so it bothers me how many people I see in here saying “if his parent doesn’t have a problem” y’all… she is his parent… just because she’s a step mother doesn’t mean she isn’t his parent. My advise, is if you do talk to him don’t make him feel weird about liking and experimenting with what he likes. It will push him away and he will think y’all want him to be someone he’s not. BUT the way this is worded seems like you do have an issue with it since you said it would be different if he was a girl who is only 2 years older. Boys in puberty are way more active in the sexual part of it than girls usually are. Girls mature faster than boys yes but not in that aspect of it. My advise is let him be who he is and just let him know that you know without making him feel weird and tell him if he ever needs to talk you’re here to listen and answer any questions he has and to please be safe about it with whatever partner he chooses and that you can contract disease from either sex. I don’t think a lot of kids going through this think about the safe sex and diseases part of sex they just see the fun and pleasure in it.
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Make sure he has proper cleaning stuff for it & I’d find out where he got it hopefully it was new when he got it. It’s really not a big deal. Just support them and don’t make him feel as if he is doing something wrong.
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Why does this even bother you? If the 16 year old can do it why not the 14 year old?
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He is fucking 14 what the fuck is wrong with u people
At least he’s using a toy and not hooking up with random dudes lol. Should just have the sex talk with him. Don’t make him feel ashamed about it.
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Let me guess…you’re against LGBTQ as well? Not your child. Not your business. Your SO should leave your ass!
“I’m not against gay people, but it’s ok for my daughter to masturbate but not my son, because I don’t approve of how he does it” Mother of the year everyone! 
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So much anger and judgement for someone, who is not perfect, who asked advice…
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Be supportive and nonjudgmental, unless someone else will. He still needs the talk for safe sex, pregnancy, and STDs. He could be bi- or curious, or even straight and just using a dildo. All things are relevant for informational purposes.
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you guys are reading this wrong she didn’t say it was okay for the daughter she said if it was the dad and grandmother would have talked to her about it and not brushed it off…14 is still very much a child! idk what him dressing him girls clothes has anything to do with anything him being gay is fine but i think she’s saying there just letting it go instead of addressing the toy issue
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For one it shouldn’t matter if it was a boy or girl exploring their own body! 
For 2 the “talk” should happen BEFORE there sexually active!!!
For 3 I would be worried who bought him the toy since he is under age to go into a sex shop
And lastly…see if he is willing to talk to u. If not then just let him know u r there for him no matter what and if he has any questions or concerns u r there for him!!
PS…u may want to go to therapy yourself because u sound very sexist and thats not good for him or his sister!!
Playing with toys does not equate being sexually active… Sexually active means engaging in consensual sexual activity with another person. He’s self stimulating at this point and most all of them are doing it at that age no matter the method.
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Let him get on with it aslong as he’s doing it alone and not going off to be active with any older gentle men and it’s not a phase he will not grow out of it, show him support as you would your daughter otherwise risk pushing him into the arms of a predator
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Why are you looking through your son’s things? I mean, I don’t think he’s keeping his toys in plain sight so you’re obviously snooping.
Anyways, if I was in the situation I would do nothing. As long as he is not harming himself or others, it’s none of my business.
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Boy or girl 14 is old enough for those talks. “If it was a female and she was doing these things, it would be completely different” 
They start teaching sex Ed/health in school at 11. Stay out of the boys things. He’s old enough to clean his room. Idk why youre doing it.
Whether you think he’s too young or not, if you think something needs to be said to him, then it better be about how to properly cleaning said toys and condoms for when he does have sex cause with a male or female STDs are still a thing.
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He’s 14…14 year olds masturbate. It’s safer for him to be using toys, rather than having sex with others at this point.
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I’m more appalled by the comments saying “not your kid” like dang she’s his step-mother. She’s his extra mama. Is that really what you think of step-parents?
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First why is it any of your concern if his father and grandmother is brushing it off and leaving him be then you are not his mother back off. Second why are you cleaning a grown child’s room? Were you looking for things? Third why is it okay for a girl who is 16 to be active but not him? Stay out of it if his own father isn’t bothered then it’s not your business.
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Have the talk with him, we live in such a crazy world now where sex and sexual things are everywhere tv, movies, music. He’s just experimenting. Have a talk with him is your best bet
Be supportive and not so judgemental. Yes he’s 14 and like someone else said at least he is NOT having sex with random dudes. It’s not different than if it was your female child. Just have the damn talk.
Just talk to him about sex…everybody matures at there own pace…let him know you love him no matter what.
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You should have the similar talk with him. He is probably just figuring it out himself and finally revealing things he never understood. Support him, talk to him about safety STDs and other things that he may encounter. It doesn’t hurt if you are awkward with it to reach out to support groups yourself. I doubt if he is using a dildo at 14 it is just a phase. Love him accept him at the end of the day if everyone else turns there back he may need you to fall back on.
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Please don’t make him feel this is wrong or bad this could seriously damage his mental health.
You must support him
14 is an age where they sometimes are not sure what their sexual preferences are or even who they are, this is a safe way of exploring its not too young its not wrong its not unhealthy and neither is porn (for the lady who thinks her son has an unhealthy addiction no sorry hes human)
Be respectful and treat this with dignity and care but give lots of support and if you need to seek support from the nurse practitioner at the gp surgery they can put u intouch with lots of outside agencies that will help u support your son this could make or break his mental health but I think you will do good and be a strong parent with lots of love and positive support xx
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I don’t understand why it would be different if he were a girl…
And who says a conversation can’t be had? Sexual and reproductive health is an important topic of conversation at that age (or arguably earlier), regardless of sexuality.
This whole post is rather confusing and does seem judgemental.
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The clothing shouldn’t be any of your concern…he’ll be grown in a few years. The toys shouldn’t be a problem either. He’s not “sexually active” if it’s just toys. And why are you going through his room? I doubt he has dildos laying out on the floor, which means you were invading his privacy…maybe that’s the issue .
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I would talk to him I agree it’s inappropriate.
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All you have to do is talk to him about safe sex and pregnancy prevention if he should be attracted to females as well.
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Not you, but his father needs to talk with him
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Wth…14 year olds masterbate. A LOT. He uses a toy. Hes not sexually active for using a toy anymore than you were when you were 14 and flicking the bean. This post is homophobic.
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I’m confused on this too.
Regardless of gender. I don’t see why this would “just be a phase”
EVERYONE goes through phases… Talk with your stepson WITH his father, just as you claim you would to a 16 year old female…
There is absolutely no difference here…seems homophobic to me 
To each their own I guess
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His dad needs to step up and talk to him.
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At least he has toys and isn’t sleeping with 500 different people during his experiment stage🤦🏼♀️ the double standard here is for once backwards but still wrong🙄
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TALK to him and SUPPORT him
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It is a safe way to explore, I wouldn’t be mad.
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Absolutely 100% do NOT shame him. He is coming into feelings we all have had or things we were curious about at that age but someone, specifically his dad, should have a talk with him about all of that and support him
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There is nothing wrong with the clothing. Also he’s a kid. Kids masturbate. That’s a normal thing 
just give him that good ol sex talk and that’s that. Tell him it’s okay and normal. Cause it is
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Honestly leave the whole “gay” thing out of it. It does not mean he is gay. Men have a “g spot” that can only be hit that way and it is an amazing orgasm for them. Ask if he is sleeping with girls and treat it like a normal sex talk. Do not be the parent that makes him feel same for his comfort
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Have a talk with him. Without judgement!
He’s being safe
My teens (I have 4 daughter’s 19, 17, 15 & 13) clean their own rooms and I respect their privacy 100%.
My 3 oldest are on birth control, their request, and they have condoms in case. They are open with me fully and I am with them.
Whatever you do DO NOT make him feel weird or wrong for exploring his own body!!!
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I do believe she was looking for advice… not judgmental little assholes to decide who tf she is. Anyway…
I’m noticing a lot of these nasty comments are coming from a younger generation, and to them… this may not be a big deal because times are definitely different. You may have had a completely different upbringing, (I know I did) and this isn’t okay for you. Either way… my solid advice is to ignore the hateful comments coming from some, because the reality is…they wouldn’t really know how they’d feel, unless in the situation themselves. However you decided to approach this… do it without anger. I would also be very concerned how he received the toy.
Im not sure what is wrong…
What is the difference between giving a 14-year-old boy and a 16 year old girl a talk?
My son was six and my daughter 11 when we had a long discussion about sexuality. I informed them both that I do not care if they like boys or if they like girls or if they like boys that want to be girls or girls that want to be boys or any other type of sexual identity. I let them know that the only thing I cared about was that they did not feel the need to keep secrets that we could have open and honest conversations and that whatever type of relationship they chose to be in that it was a healthy one and healthy relationships don’t have secrets and are not kept secret. I informed them that their genitalia did not represent who they are but also that it’s their own genitalia and that it is not okay for anybody to touch their parts of their body unless they want that person to do so. I also told them that they could not randomly expose their parts or randomly touch other people’s parts etc. I also told them that they could touch their own parts whenever they wanted as long as they did it in the privacy of their shower lol yes I said shower. My thought on that was it eliminated the possibility of inappropriate circumstances that could be taken advantage of by adults.
Do your children a favor regardless of whatever religion or beliefs you hold dear. Research sex positivity. Embrace it.
Embrace your children regardless of their choices. The only business that you have in their genitalia or their sex life is making sure that they’re safe in whatever they explore.
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I used to live on a Marine base and had the pleasure of listening to many marines joke about the “items” they used to use when they were younger to pleasure themselves. Your son’s cross dressing is irrelevant, be thankful he is not using your household item’s and or produce to explore himself. In other words it’s normal. Tell him you are going to borrow and use his toys if he doesn’t learn to put them away properly.
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Do you not remember being 14?! Dude, totally normal.
Kids much younger masturbate. It’s natural exploration of their body. I see nothing wrong with it. I think your problem is that it’s “gay self satisfaction”. You say you’re not against it. But your whole post says otherwise.
Let him explore HIS own body. Shit he has consent atleast which is a fuck ton more than what some 
get
Mind your fucking business
It’s normal for 14 yr olds to start discovering their sexuality. Answer yourself this… if you found some playboys, lube and crusty socks/kleenexes in his room would you say the same thing??
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