Hes either going to use the dildo or he’s going to use the real thing…which would you prefer?
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I knew my son was gay when he was 3. We’re all born just the way we are. Straight, gay, trans. It’s just how we’re born.
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You aren’t his mother. So, while you’re concerned, it isn’t your place to confront him. Especially if his father sees no cause for concern.
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Id be finding out how he got the sex toys considering he is only 14 and then id be asking alot more questions to who got it for him make sure he isnt being told by another adult this whole situation is sad im praying for your family
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Just bc he has those things doesn’t mean he’s sexually active. Treat him the same way you’d treat any other coming of age person and give him the talk. This was not necessary. Don’t make him feel weird about it either. He has a different journey, requiring different things than you may have experienced. That’s a normal age, they start experiencing those feelings when they hit puberty… which begins around 12 or even earlier. Take your head out of your ass, thanks.
How about talking to his parents and following their lead in how to handle their child?
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Put it back, mind your own bussiness but assure him if he ever wanted to talk your there.
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It sounds like you were snooping and invading his privacy. It also sounds like you do in fact care that he is “gay”. Not your place and you should probably butt out and stop invading his space.
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Hide the toys and clothes
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You need to mind your business on this one. What they do with their body is up to them yes even masterbating yes even in a manner you don’t approve of. I suggest you buy them condoms and leaving them tf alone.
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You support him and you stop acting like he’s different just because he’s a boy. If you found toys and would have a conversation with your 14 year old daughter then you also have a conversation with your 14 year old son. ESPECIALLY if everyone else says it’s just a phase. It might be a phase. It might not be. And that kid is probably feeling so alone because his parents and grandparents think it’s a phase. Talk. To. That. Child.
If he was a female doing it, it would be different??? Jesus Christ, Karen. Are you listening to yourself? No wonder he’s hiding it. Mind your own business. It’s not your cup of tea but he isn’t hurting ANYONE. shut up and leave him alone
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There is no harm in having the same talk to him you would if he was female. Just be respectful
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If I were the child it would embarrass me deeply if my parent brought that up to me… I’d just leave him alone. I feel like it’s a lot more common at that age then most parents realize (them not realizing being a good thing, like awkward) so as I said before… I’d just leave it alone.
You can’t control people but I would def talk with him. He could hurt himself. He is super young to be doing that. A dildo at 14 any gender is ridiculous. They are kids. So sad
Sit that young man down and have the talk. Without embarrassing him of course. No one knows when he is or will be ready to explore sexually except for him.
Let him be I have a gay son when he’s ready to tell you he’ll tell you by the way they are the most amazing people to be around
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I’m just wondering why you say you’ll “talk” with them if you know they are active. You should be talking to and educating them before they are active.
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I think a lot of people have read this wrong I think this lady is saying that if the girl was doing it the family would have given her the talk but because its the boy they’ve brushed it of as a phase. I think this lady is trying to help him and is frustrated with the rest of the family. Its hard being the Stepmom in this situation and of course it depends on your relationship with your stepchildren and your family set up. If it was me I would speak to his father and address the fact that you feel they shouldn’t just brush it off firstly.
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Hes 14 not 10 its natural for teens to start getting sexually active at this age. Just be glad he is being safe and using a dildo instead of out with other people. Its uncomfortable for everyone to find out your kid is active like that but its the nature of humans to want to do things that feel good to them. Id just talk to him make sure he is being safe if he is active and let him know you are always there if he needs to talk. To many parents try to control everything and all it does is make kids feel like they meed to be sneaky
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Just because he is a boy doesnt mean its wrong for him to have toys. Put it back and mind ur business. The only thing I would be wondering about is how he got the toys.
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Way too young to even be having sex toys!!! Just saying. Female or male!!!
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Leave him alone, he will figure out want he wants.
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You sound pretty sexist to be honest. It wouldn’t be a huge deal if it was his sister but its an issue that your son is figuring out who he is? Leave him alone and let it be. On top if that he’s your step son. Not your place. If this is who he is you’re gonna have to deal with it. It sounds like his dad and grandmother have no issues with it soooo.
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Don’t ignore it. Talk to him PLEASE!! This may be his way at reaching out. Please let him know he is loved and supported as a child in your home FIRST and foremost. His sexuality does NOT exclude him from discipline and communication.
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He’s 14 sounds like he’s experimenting and at home where he’s supposed to be able and safe. Let him know your available to talk but also that you understand he may not want or be ready for that either. Drop the judgement and be glad he’s comfortable in his own home.
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Educate him about safe sex. All you can do if you want his trust. Don’t say you found it and don’t say you were snooping. It’s literally natural he’s not 10. Gain his trust now or you’ll never see the true person he is. Take it from me. My parents were horrible. I didn’t have a single text message to myself till I moved out at 16. Educate, don’t belittle.
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Yes I agree with you and that if he wants to dress like a woman that’s fine but I think he is definitely too young to be having dildos and other sex toys. However I am confused about how would it be different if the sister had sex toys and dildos? Either way they’re only two years apart and that is still inappropriate for their ages to be having things like that.
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Love and support your kid. Accept that they are exploring which is normal. I’d rather my 14 year old have sex toys than be out experimenting with others. And they may be doing that as well. Make sure they are informed about safe sex and how condoms are still important even in a same sex or opposite sex anal situation. Pregnancy isn’t the only thing you can catch. Make sure they understand consent, both giving and receiving. Also, let them know that they can come to you with anything. That you are there for them and you love them and if they are even uncertain or worried about something or just need to chat, that your door is always open
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First off stop talking about his sexual things outside of his parents. It’s no one else’s information. His parents should know and have a chat about cleanliness and safety with himself and with others. It doesn’t say how long you’ve been stepmom but unless it’s been awhile this is not a conversation you should have unless his parents refuse.
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I would be concerned on how he got the dildo and lube. Does he has access to online store? An adult buy it? Is he watching adult content? These all would be my concern on top of if sex was happening and health and consent. Kids get into trouble messing with other kids now a day too.
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The real problem is you snooping through all his stuff .I’m sure he had it hidden and you activity searched .shame on you for not respecting his privacy…you say anything to anyone and you will drive a huge wedge in your relationship with him that can never be fixed
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He’s 14 and self pleasuring himself — I am not understanding the problem here?? Masturbation is normal and healthy. Who are you to judge how he does it!?!?
Whether we all like it or not, there are 14 year olds having sex! Wouldn’t you prefer him to take care of himself rather than having intercourse with other people?!
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Why is it that you think only girls need a safe sex talk? It’s not all about pregnancy. In fact pregnancy is the LEAST concerning risk of unsafe sex… if your step son is gay he is in a group of people at the highest possible risk for HIV. Not because of the stereotype of AIDS being the gay cancer, but because anal sex carries the greatest infection risk of any type of intercourse. All teenagers need that talk. Gay or straight. Male or female.
So regardless of his sexuality or gender the talk should be had by some parent about condom use and the importance of not only knowing and being able to trust your partner in regards to regular STD testing and monogamy.
That goes without saying if you’re gay, straight, male or female.
He’s 14. Unfortunately and as sad as it is, he’s not too young. The parts are there, the desires and urges are there. He needs someone to talk to him and make sure that he knows how to navigate these waters otherwise he’s going to jump in not knowing how to swim. Not a free pass and tell him to go out and actually HAVE sex, put that boundary clearly there that when you are young it is too difficult to take on all the responsibilities and risks of sex, but also let him know how to be safe when he is older. That conversation should be with your husband though. He is his father. If you have that talk with him it will cause resentment between you and your step sons parents. But talk to your husband about talking to him.
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Guys having sex toys doesn’t make them gay and neither does cross dressing…he could be straight.
Lots of straight guys like butt stuff.
I would talk to him.
Dont say you found anything, just have a regular sex talk.
You dont even know if hes used the toys seriously someone could have given him them as a 14 year old cant really just stroll into a shop and buy them.
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First: he’s a teen exploring his sexuality. It is normal and healthy and I hope you never shame him for it. He won’t ever forgive you.
Second: it sounds like you are homophobic since you said “I have nothing against gay people, but…” there is no “buts” about it. Who cares how he pleasures himself.
Third: the only thing you should be wondering is how he got the sex toy. Even then… 
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Nothing. You let that kid be whoever he wants as long as hes a good human being.
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I don’t believe in coddling children so I would straight up go to him with his dildo and lube and be like “what are these for” and see what he says. Then go on to have a talk with him about sex, condoms, std’s the whole 9 yards.
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You need to tread lightly and whatever you do, don’t make him feel shamed. Also, don’t be talking about this shit with his grandparents. He’s learning what he likes and is into and that’s perfectly fine. Everything you do in this situation is going to make his mind up about how he communicates and how he decides to proceed with trusting you with anything
There is nothing you can do other than push him into hiding or thinking something is wrong with him if you embarrass him. If he is gay so be it but his “dad” and you can still give him the talk. No he can’t get pregnant but he can still pick up sexually transmitted diseases some of which can kill him. He needs that talk for sure even if his sexuality is not mentioned. Obviously you’re snooping in his room and that alone is not appropriate unless you’re expecting something illegal is going on in there like drugs or bombs. Have a “it’s time to have a talk about adult issues” with all of you as a family, leave Grandma out, it’s none of her business. Kids should feel good about taking openly to their parents and if you make a big deal out of this, his trust to talk with you is out the window and he’ll start hiding and lying and you sure as hell don’t want that. 
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So if it was a girl you be fine with it and give the sex talk, but since it’s a boy oh my god he’s too young, is that what I’m hearing? Because it sounds like you just hate gay people, but okay… 
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if he wanted his dad to know don’t you think he would tell him maybe he is not ready that’s why someone kids commit suicide cause some don’t know how to mind there own and when there ready they will tell you in time let them figure there self out first
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He is 14 and that really isn’t too young he could be out there knocking girls up or doing drugs. Leave him alone to do his thing at home in his room where he is safe. He isn’t at someone’s house using a penis.
Why is it normal for a female and not for a male??
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I got my first dildo at 13🤷🏼♀️
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Amber McGukin got any advice?
Educate him on safe sex. At the end of the day it’s better that you talk to him rather than bury your head in the sand and God forbid something happens because you would of rather ignored it or told him he’s not allowed to do it. As for him dressing in female clothes let him know that you love him no matter what and that your there if ever he wants to talk to you. It may be that he’s just experimenting or it may be that he feels like he’s in the wrong body. Be supportive as no matter what it won’t change the love you have for him
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I would think if the kid felt comfortable with you guys it would not be a suprise. Also you don’t have to be gay to put stuff up your butt🤷🏼♀️. Only thing to do is have a healthy convo . Especially how small things might get sucked up and stuck up the butt
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I don’t get the difference between him being a male and if it were a girl… Like bro… Mind ur business and let HIS PARENTS PARENT THEIR CHILDREN. STOP BEING NOSEY THRU HIS SHIT
Maybe hes actually hiding it cause gma dont want noone to find her stuff
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So why is it different cause he’s a boy? Is it different because you don’t approve of him possibly being gay? Maybe he’s hiding it from YOU because you’re going to judge him and shame him. Have the talk. Love him no matter what. If you can’t then maybe you should go.
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U dont have to accept gay behavior In ur home. That ur opinion. U can accept it and that ur opinion . It’s no one’s business what u tolerate in ur home.
Everyone worried bout it and tip toeing around the gay agenda to not push them into suicidal thoughts acts Becuz u don’t approve etc. u can not approve and still love them. but it’s really more bout informing the kids and supporting them with whatever they r going through
And it’s not that ur homophobic …why does everything revolve around that🙄 u have to have the sex talk or maybe a father figure can have the talk with him . U have the talk with ur daughter . It’s ok to have conservative views. It’s ur family and ur business.
But to stay in denial that these teens shouldn’t have any sexuality is not going to resolve anything.
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Why were you “cleaning” his room? His mom and dad should be responsible for the “talk”. You seem to have issues. I’m not sure why you would think it is ok to snoop in his things. He is actually being a normal kid that is exploring his sexuality. I’m thinking tread lightly, you don’t want him to not come to you if he needs too. He does need a parent to help him navigate these waters, to have an open and honest conversation with. He does not need confrontation. You really should accept him no matter his preference. I really think you overstepped when you went through his things, I’m sure those things were not left in the open.
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‘I am not against gay people’ ’ if it was my 16 year old daughter it be different’ How is it ok for one and not the other?
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He is being safe not having sex with people so mind your business your way to involved if he actually sleeping with ppl have a talk but he’s allowed to use toys your weird for that
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You have the talk. Ask if he is sexually active. Talk condoms, safe sex, stds, ask about his sexuality. Be a safe place for him. Phase or not you start judging him or tell him he is in the wrong, he wi never tell you anything and he will just be sneakier about things.
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Just leave it.
Let him do his thing.
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I think she’s saying the biological family would sit the girl down and have the talk with her about her body and eveything else. But the boy they aren’t having any sort of talk with and letting him figure it out himself.
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At the end of the day, better a toy than pregnancy you should definitely have a safe sex talk as well. Sexual preference aside, if he’s starting to branch out he needs to be educated.
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Sounds to me like you do have a issue with him maybe being gay,bi or trans. Maybe you should take a look at yourself before talking to him about anything
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Maybe talk to him instead of everyone else or leave it alone and its not normal for any gender child to have sex toys
If he is your step son, obviously speak to his father or mother first. But, I would find out their views on this first. Last thing you want to do is alienate anyone.
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Carry him a stripclub
So many small minded people on here 
Good on you for being a concerned step parent it shows you actually care and love your step children!
If his actual parents cannot be a parent and have the important conversation with him about how to be safe and hygiene then I would step up!
Everyone seems to forget the kids safety comes first!
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All you people are weird as hell for thinking she’s wrong for cleaning her step Child’s room I a step mother of 2 and there real mother is not even in her life to say that she’s to involved in this child’s life is literally so ridiculous I’m more of a mom to my step children then they ever will have. And I still clean our 16 year olds room and help keep it tidy you people are weird as fuck and he’s 14 I feel like that’s a problem to be playing with yourself that early 16 I can role with that but 14… and she damn sure can have a talk if dad doesn’t want to and if he doesn’t have another parent figure other then her she’s clearly concerned about his well-being
“Gay people” safe sex talk definitely
But just because you are assuming where he is putting that dildo does not mean he is “gay”
His a 14 year old boy going through puberty and working out what feels good to him
And no matter what his sexual preference is that should not ever be judged
One more thing his 14 make him clean his own room!
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That’s not your place. Leave him be, you ain’t found nothing🤫
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You can get a professional help for him. They will guide him to express himself. Nurturing and guidance on his age is necessary.
At 14 this is not a phase xxx
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14 is a pretty reasonable age for masturbation haha.
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Fist off if he’s hiding the fact that he’s wearing women’s clothes educate yourself on how the proper way is to talk to him about this without making him feel embarrassed for being him. Let him know that he is loved for who he is and he should love himself for being him. As far as being sexually active someone defiantly needs to talk to him. If his dad or grandma won’t you need to step up. 14 is too young in my opinion to be sexually active. I would also suggest therapy for him if he’s confused or he’s ashamed of who he is… Just love and support him…
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Why is it completely different? Same exact talk minus the pregnancy issues
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Have the talk. Be honest.
Tell him how to be safe in public, at clubs, and refer him to educational sites. Tell him about STDs and how they can be treated. Make him feel loved and SAFE with you. As the parent you should be a safe person. He can come out as whatever he is, whenever he’s ready. But it’s still your job that he has all he needs to protect himself. We all know the world isn’t going to protect him. You should take the time to read up on LGBT, so you know your terminology and not leaving it up to him to explain himself. It will make him 1000x more comfortable.
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Leave him and that shit alone. Don’t out him and give him his privacy. He’s a boy. he’s probably been doing “stuff” since he was 12. Leave it
You may want to figure out if he had been sexually assaulted or raped as a kid/child.
He is pretty young to be doing stuff like that to be honest. As someone that went through sexual abuse as a child, I grew up knowing a lot about sex when I was too young, like 6-9 years old & it carried through my teenage years, I became perverted & confused about love, sex and myself in all different forms. children don’t just randomly come up or become “knowing” How would he know how to get pleasure through his anus? Sorry don’t mean to be graphic but he is still too young for that. Perhaps backtrack and see what windows and doors were opened to him. What does he watch, what & who is influencing him?
How did he get those sexual toys? Where and how did he buy it?
Where is he getting his information about sex. Don’t let anyone in here change you from that inner conviction & inner knowing that YES! He is too young. Most ppl want to be politically correct and not offend anybody because of the whole gay shaming issue but he is still a child and just became a teenager recently. He needs to be looked after and he ministered to, and have someone to talk to & for him to be able to feel safe, secure & loved for him to be willing to have these types of conversations, so thread carefully with the subject. But there’s underlying issues here, & it can’t be swept under the rug, truth be told, the child is hurting and suffering in secret.
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I would not allow my either of my children (one male one female)to have toys at 14! What is wrong with all of you saying leave it be?
Where did he get them?
(Who even cares that he is gay that shouldn’t even be a part of the convo at this point)
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And maybe not clean a teenage boys room from here on out.
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MYOB clearly everyone who should know does know.
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Take him to church for deliverance from the lustful spirit that has attached itself to him.
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A dildo with lube?! Holy f*€K!!!
de
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Take away the toys and he will just have actual sex with actual people and hide it harder🤷🏼♀️honestly it’s that age where masturbation starts. At least he’s at home taking care of his needs instead of hooking up with randos, MYOB.
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If there is anything you can do as a parent, its be honest and communicate. He will the be comfortable telling you things in time…You should discuss with his dad and go from there.
Just talk to him…
See where his head is at, Support him, Love him and don’t shame him.
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If its him being sexually active that bothers you then why feel the need to mention he wears female clothes?
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Mind your own business you could cause serious damage if you approach him negatively. Hey a dildo is better than drugs.
I have a teenage boy, hes 15 but even at 14 I wouldn’t have done anything in that situation except respect his privacy.
Would u rather him do crack or play with a dildo?!
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Accept him, love him, leave his toys to HIS privacy 
He could be our here with multiple partners not using protection, but he’s at HOME. Leave him be
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I would encourage you to get educated on transgender persons and after you feel comfortable talking to your child then let them know that they are in a safe space and can confide in you and be totally safe and supported. I have a friend with a Trans male child that came out to her in elementary school. It might be a phase and it might not. I wouldn’t just brush it off or expect it to quietly go away. There may be other issues as well but an honest talk is in order and starting from a place of love is the best start mama!
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I think you should leave your step son alone!! He’s not your child for one and the other its completely normal and healthy for him. He’s not hurting anyone.
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Not your business! My god i wouldnt be surprised if he left and never forgave you
I’m not try na be judgy … But girl call it what it is … U were snooping n now don’t know how to fess up. If u say what u found ur busted! … Stay out of ur STEP sons room
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I would make sure he knows about safe sex and how to prevent stds and consent 
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I didn’t even think it was possible to dildo your own ass
Why would you put his business out there. He’s 14 not 4. Kids nowadays learn more and actually know more than your generation did at that age. You say you don’t have a problem with homosexuality but deep down YOU do. Leave the boy alone !!!
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Hold up…it would be different if it was a girl doing this? WHY?
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…maybe just leave the kid alone. He’s his own person and is entitled to his privacy and if you have any respect for him as a human, you will respect that privacy and let him come out to you when he sees fit to.
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Talk to him about protection just like you would with your daughter
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First off, it’s not your place to be goin around tellin literally everyone on social media his business. 2. If he dresses in women’s clothing, let em be. 3. It’s not even your business to be snooping around in his room “cleaning”. If my mother did some crazy stuff like that, I would disown her. My personal opinion.
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So it would be different if he was a femal? But not because he is a male? Make it make sense
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