Maybe sit down with him and discuss it and listen to what he has to say
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Leave him some pamphlets on safe sex, condoms, stds and maybe get him a bottle of cleaner for his item. Safe sex is safe sex regardless. Donāt even have to talk about it. Leave his clothing choices up to him as itās in private. I would def NOT tell anyone you know personally. If it were me Iād not only be furious but betrayed.
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Why is it ok for a female of that age to do this but not a male?
Let him figure himself out and be himself.
Heās going threw puberty, itās better this than sneaking others in at night or even going out without you knowing.
It really sounds more like your looking for issues even if you say you arenāt.
How do you expect someone to respect you if you donāt respect them?
This making you uncomfy isnāt good enough reason to get up in his buissnes.
Like also how do you know if heās gay or itās his girlfriends? Either way, be a parent and educate him on safe sex practices, not blast him and make him hate himself.
Also, his dad should be dealing with this. Not you.
And Iām really still hung up about his gender being a reason that this makes you uncomfortable. For all you know he identifies as a female.
Get yourself into some support groups so you can understand better.
Be much more.concened if heās sticking needles in his veins.
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Seriously tho, what the actual Fu***
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I have no comment on the actual dilemma but instead what is this narrative of telling stepmothers to stay out of their stepchildren business as āits not your child.ā Youāre constantly being told to love a stepchild like your own, you take care of a stepchild like your own but youāre told to not be a parent and react or act like one when a dilemma arises. ā¦
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Also, the male G-spot is in the anus and maybe using his hand isnāt enough? Thought about that?
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Hmmmm STEP mom not sure. Iād find out how he got his toys and from whom.
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So his sex does NOT matter ! With that being said , you need to not make it some big gross thing. Just leave some information for him or sit him down and have the talk with him. You can not stop kids from experimenting or being sexually active but you can offer them everything they need to make healthy & safe decisions. Be his safe space. Not another person that will judge.
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Frankly it is none of your business as long if his parents are alright with it. Drove in your lane.
Mmm 14 is around the age alot of kids become sexually active
Oh yeah just leave him alone heās 14 f****** years old heās a kid when he goes out and gets a girl pregnant then itāll be no big deal huh
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If itās my stepchild and I am the Stepmom it is my damn business because Iām still mom
I would put them back where you found them and walk out of the room.
Dont tell him you found them. Just let him be.
If you truly love him this wouldnt bother you.
Sounds like you have double standards.
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I donāt understand why itās ok for the daughter to explore her desires but it isnāt ok for the son ā¦ Maybe stop being such a prude and allow him to find out who he is and what he wants ā¦ As far as they dressing in girls clothing ā¦ Obviously he feels comfortable in them so whatās the problem ? How about you just show him unconditional love and be there for when he actually wants to speak on any of this ā¦ Iām not going to say it isnāt your place to worry but thereās literally nothing to worry about
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I donāt think she meant its ok for a female and not him the way I read it is she is saying their daughter would get the talk and Noone is wanting to acknowledge or teach him about safe sex etc, thats the way I took it atleast
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Accept him. Love him. Support him.
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U and his dad need to talk to him
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What is with the double standards?
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All kids need the safe sex talk. But other than that ide leave him be.
Congratulations. You will soon have a stepdaughter. Be supportive. Kids literally kill themselves over this shit. Donāt let him turn into another bloody statistic.
Why the hell would it be different if he was female? That is young. Educate and support him. Seems like you do have a problem with it.
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Not your kid. Stay in your lane. Tell his dad what you found and let him and the kidās mom handle it.
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Give him the information that he needs to be safe and leave him alone. They donāt need permission to explore their sensuality just give him someone he can confide in.
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Openly talk to him and show your support and love.
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Thatās a hard one ya know cause you mention anything to him what ya found he would know ya snooping and teens really like there privacy and space and donāt like it being invaded . I recan you should probley talk to the father about it and get him to have a talk to his son about safe sex thoe . and if he likes womanās clothes and males then you and your husband need to support him and let him know itās ok . also teens go through a real lot and tend to struggle when it comes to this kind of thing
Itd be different lmfqo omfg. Please. Lost me at that.
Oh holy moly he is deep into all that and still so young. All I have to offer is good luck!! You will need it
First off, I donāt understand why it would be ācompletely different ā for a girl. This post is crazy and I think you should leave it be. Or deal with it how youād deal with a girl. You say you donāt care about sexual preferences, but think itās so different from a girl??? Youāre fooling yourself honey, you donāt like it. Thatās YOUR PROBLEM.
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Heās doesnāt need to dress in female clothes,heās a boy
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AS A FORMER STEPMOM OF TEENAGERS:
I wouldnāt say anything about the toys. The clothes? Those donāt even matter. Thatās a perfectly normal age to explore sexuality. All I would do is teach him about safe sex, consent, etc and tell him if he needs any condoms or advice he can come to you. Let him know you wonāt tell his dad/mom if he doesnāt want you to or if thereās a concern for his safety/treatment/etc. Now, the only reason I say that, is so he knows he has a safe adult he can trust no matter what. ALL teens need that, especially LGBTQ teens. Sometimes, they just need someone besides mom or dadā¦
My former 13 year old stepdaughter started her period at our house and came out of the bathroom bawling because she thought she had cancerā¦ I sat her down and gave her an education on how to handle periods, and while i was at it I told her she can get pregnant now and told her if she needs ANYTHING she can come to me. I was appalled that she had no clue what a period was, until she thought she was dying. I didnāt give her a big sex ed talk, as to not step on toes, but i said enough at that time.
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Wow people. This is where people are supposed to give advice or try to help guide someone who obviously canāt find the help they need in their close circle. It takes a village and not a village of buttholes ā¦ but a village of fellow moms or human beings.
First off, get off the gender high horse and listen to the actual words she wrote. Put yourself in her shoes. Then speak kindly if you have any good advice.
I just want to say Iām so sorry youāre having a hard time dealing with this. I have no experience and would honestly just do what was stated above and maybe try the safe sex talk as well as you can think to express it to a teenager who is starting to be interested. See where that goes and go from there ! I wish you the best of luck and hope you can ignore the ignorant commentary and find some good help! 
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Just talk to him. Accept him, love n support. But yall def should talk.
just leave him alone.
it isnāt any of your business just as itās none of his business what you do with your sexual life.
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This boy needs guidance and love. I think his father needs to be made aware of what is going on and let him handle it. Bless this boy, can only imagine what he is going through!
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Do nothing. Heās not hurting anyone.
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Let him know youāll always be a safe space for him and that you may not understand but youāll do what you can to answer questions. Maybe guide him to LGBTQ groups but tell him and follow up on the fact heās safe with you
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I got my first vibrator when I was 13 years old. I was not sexually active with another human being for YEARS after.
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The only thing youād need to discuss with him is safe sex. He should be allowed to explore himself without judgment and itās not an abnormal age for that.
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Leave the boy alone and let him be who and what he wantsā¦donāt mention what you foundā¦if you freak out over something so private to him you will lose him and the bond you should have will never be the sameā¦itās not a problem for him so why is a problem for you !!
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You have no right to dictate what someone else can and canāt do to/with their own body- especially a step child. Leave him alone.
-a step mum.
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Dont do or say anything. As hard as it may be just leave it aloneā¦he will come to terms with himself. Be a loving and supportive Mom.
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Let him explore and be who he wants to be. Mind ya business
Yāall need to keep in mind he is a child! You are a minor until 18! I would have a talk with him anything going anywhere can cause infections! And how do you no if he is cleaning them properly if you donāt have the discussion or an ADULT doesnāt have this conversation? Also how in the hell did he get them? If this was my child I would be getting all of the answers! Thatās just me mom of 3 boys 
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He is young but obviously heās been using toys I would have a talk with dad and then have a conversation with the boy, honestly at this point there isnāt much you can really do heās already been doing his thing just be supportive and explain to him that using a toy is one thing but going out and actually having sex is another, let him explore with toys for now hopefully thatāll stop him from having sex with an actual person till heās older
Ask him if he wants to talk about it. Be there
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Whatever you do, donāt spank him 
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I would suggest keeping quiet until he questions you regarding your dildo collection.
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However. Im sure the ones used for the butt require a little more parental understanding
Those of you saying mind your business!! Heās 14! Heās still a child and he needs to chat with his step mum or dad or both about being sexually safe!! We are fine with having the safe sex talk with girls but leave the lads to itā:woman_shrugging:t3:
you need to know if heās active with others and to reassure him youāre not bothered by his choices but that he needs to be safe and tell him how. Also certain areas can be damaged very easily so he needs to be careful
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Tell to his mommy. She shall care. And father as well. And to himself, to be sure, he knows that you know. Open discussionš. And lock your wardrobe, you never knowā¦
First of all.You bitter people coming at her for being a STEP parent need to chill the fuck out.Sheās still a PARENT who loves,cares and supports this child and just wants him to be safe.For all anyone knows he could be out having sex and whatās important is that he knows about SAFE sex and PROPPER care for toys.
There was an above comment that explained perfectly what should be done,no talking required.
He may seem young to you,but a lot of teens get curious around this age,itās human nature.
For now on I would definitely have him cleaning his own room,and if you were snooping Iād stop and give him the privacy he deserves before trust is broken.
Make sure heās loved and supported no matter what and make sure he knows he can come to you,donāt make him feel awkward or embarrassed and think he canāt talk to you.
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Do nothing not your business
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Be an adult and talk to him about how to properly clean his toys so as he doesnāt get an infection, talk to him about safer sex for when he does become active with a person. The importance of using the proper lube so he doesnāt tear his rectum and using condoms. Just because he is a male doesnāt mean he shouldnāt get to have the talk.
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This works blows my mind ! So because he has the potential to be gay you just leave it alone and donāt say anything!? He is 14 and in her house! Sounds like a conversation needs to be had. You can still love and support and have a healthy conversation on safe sex
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Good slap and so wake up
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I would let him knowā¦ that no matter what you are proud of him for growing in to the young person he is and that you love him no matter what. Plus throwing in that sentence please donāt forget you can talk to me about anything
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Jesus christšÆ14 years old!!! How does a 14 yo get hold of dildos??
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Leave him the heck alone. This seems like a control freak I want to change your ways question. Nothing dangerous whatsoever about this
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Sounds like healthy exploration and there is nothing wrong if he cross dresses. Nothing wrong at all. However talk to him about safe sex and cleaning sex toys
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How does he even know what a dildo is at his age!!!
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First of all he is exploring his body and what he likes. Which he is allowed to do it is his own body. He is at that age, so maybe you should have that talk with him since you found those things. Donāt be mean or embarrass him though, be there for him if he has any questions.
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14 yrs old is really not a phase. He is discovering himself. Boys will play with themselves. Once they wake up one morning with a hard on. He is just finding different things to do.
Now as for āthe talkā, yes that is importantā¦ especially about practicing safe sex. Whether you talk to him or his father. And also you want to make sure that your son & daughter can come to either you or their dad with anything & you both need to listen & not judge.And you need to make sure both your kids understand this
.
ā¦
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Pretty sure boys masturbate a lot younger than 14.
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I mean, if my mom found my dildoat that age, Iād be MORTIFIED if she told me. Iād honestly leave it alone. Maybe subtly bring up the fact that heās getting older and have the safe sex talk, ask if he has questions, etc. But donāt mention the dildo. That would be embarrassing af for me 
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So what lol nothing wrong about it!
Yāallā¦ I knew what a dildo was well before 14. Some of you were sheltered, please let your kids be themselves.
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Well first of all Iād be wondering how the hell he got the dildo in the first place 
you have to be 18 to buy a dildo
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Wellā¦ Sit him downā¦ explain that you love him and that youāre extremely proud of him. And then gently ease into a conversation about sexual health and staying safe. Thatās all you can do.
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I got pregnant at 14 with my 1st son 
ā¦
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A dildo isnāt sex the last I checked. In fact itās way safer than actual sex and uhā¦ Doesnāt make him gay? If he is though, heās already being safe about it. -_- as a parent you gotta pick and choose your battles. When your child does something right, reinforce it. Donāt give them a complex.
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As usual, Iām here to read comments first and they donāt disappointā¦ wrong!!! I hope she doesnāt feel the attack of judgement and degrading of parenting style crapshow that is being thrown at her on here! It is so sad to me when people come here for advice and it turns into a political, right from wrong, whoās parenting style is best argument! Firstly, to the writer of this original post, there are some mothers here that are here for support and will listen anytime! As far as advice in how to handle this situation, I canāt say I honestly know bc Iāve never been in that position before. I would say that it would prob embarrass him to hear from (bonus) momā¦ maybe you can talk to dad again and see if maybe he can just bring up the healthy cleaning and safety in a non invasive dad way and make him feel like everyone doesnāt know and that the world isnāt against him. Remember sexuality isnāt the only think raging at that time, hormones and emotions, rage and dramaā¦ all kinds of stuff so just be gentle however you handle it, but yes somehow it needs to be addressedā¦ safety first right. Ok momma, good luck with your situation, and many prayers for you!! Hugs!!!
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Mind your business and keep it moving. Dresses and dildos never hurt anyone.
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Hope he doesn,t sit on one
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I guess the question would be, would you rather him be having unprotected, unsafe sex with a bunch of people, or would you like him to practice safe sex in the safety of HIS OWN ROOM? Sex is something thatās natural and kids eventually get curious. Maybe Iām a bad mom for this but Iād rather my kid practice safe sex aka masturbation in the safety of their bedroom than out in random places with random boyfriends/girlfriends they have and who they barley know. To each their own, if you bring it up to his dad and it doesnāt bother him. Then I wouldnāt let it bother you. 
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Some of yāall need Jesus! 
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Heās youāre step mom you arenāt heās real mother so why does it matter what you think ? Itās his tea motherās problem maybe sheās fine with it what ever the reason is maybe sheās fine with it let her deal with it itās not youāre kid !
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Maybe its just me but Iād be investigating to make sure an adult didnāt give him these. Although theyāre probably easily attained online nowadays, but that would be my biggest concern with a 14yo. More, where did you get this?, not so much, what are you doing with them?
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Talk to him about it. Go into it with an open mind and an open heart. After all he is getting to the age of puberty and is going to experiment. But go into whith love in your heart and not condemnation. Good luck.
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Take him to a counselor who teaches right from wrong.
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Seem strange for a 14 year old. Sexual abuse, porn? Something is not right here.
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Mom n dad should sit down with him see how he feals about it
Most definitely have a heart to heart no judgment talk with this child an let him know you are his safe placeā¦ he needs a judgment free place to have support an love because he absolutely will not get it from most other places if he comes out of the closet in this worldā¦ he is definitely in the exploring stage an needs all the advice an safe set. And the please donāt go with strangers talk you can give him right nowā¦ good luck to youā¦please be his support system if nothing elseā¦
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As a step parent Iād definitely talk to his dad and his biological mom I take a picture and showed parents and then have them decide what to do thatās not something a stepmom should get into thatās for the bile dad and the bio mom to make that decision has a stepmom there are boundaries that are just you donāt cross
Being whatever sexual preference he want to be is fine ā¦dressing the way he wants to dress is fine ā¦ being the person he wants to be is fineā¦ dating whomever no matter the sexual orientation fineā¦masturbating the way he wants fineā¦ unprotected sex not fine to me thatās the only issue I see. Make him feel safe and comfortable with him self and his choices because let me tell you support goes along way with a child trying to feel comfortable and accepted for who they are when there sexual preferences are not what you expect and they feel thatā¦ but most definitely need to have a talk about safe sex measures
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At 14 its not too oddā¦ as a straight female I was sexually curious and self stimulating at the age of 14. If you have seen this you van either ignore or try to have an open talk with him about sexuak safety and ask him about his sexuality
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Mind your own business
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Heās not too young, leave him alone
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I donāt think this is out of teenage character at all. He is finding himself and you need to support that. This is 100% normal
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