Do any of you ladies get upset at your significant other because you have a house routine, like get the kids to bed at 10, go to bed, wake up early and have to get them to school, etc.? And he ends up staying up til 130amdrinking 10-12 beers cooking watching tv and whatever else he apparently feels the need to do til 130am? I’m one of those people that doesn’t like chaos and like people to be respectful of the house routine, and it’s also making me feel lonely going to bed alone and waking up alone, and he sleeps till noon or so. Am I the only one who feels like this?
I wouldn’t be with a man who drinks 10-12 beers a day.
Does he have a job, waking up at noon and all…
You know how hard it is to stay up when you’re used to going to bed at this certain time that’s how it is for somebody that works nights if he does not work nights then you have something to b**** about also if he is drinking and doing everything else like making a mess and not cleaning up after himself yeah you have a right to get pissed
What’s his work schedule? You have your routine and apparently he has his. As long as he is doing his job as a husband and father, I wouldn’t get upset about what he does at night. He’s home , not running the streets.
Just a question…but did he have any say in making said routine that you want him to follow? Or are you trying to control him with YOUR routine like you would a child?
Does he not work? Sounds like a bum.
One of the many reasons I divorced my ex right here.
Most of the time I go to bed before my husband, my toddler and I go to bed between 8-9 and he usually stays up until 10-11; not all the time, but a few days a week, specifically on weekends… and he is gone to work when we get up. We get up about 7 and he leaves for work at 6.
mine is similar though he does still get up and goes to work. But a lot of the time he spends it chilling, acting like a college kid, then bed at midnight or 1. he has picked up some help around the house when I ask…but sometimes it’s like pulling teeth
Don’t control the situation. I get you like things your way, but compromise. I at times go to bed alone and wake up alone. It does get to me but at the same time I understand because my husband is in constant pain. If this man of yours has no job no goals or dreams in life then why not end things? But it may just be little things. Have you communicated this to him?
I couldn’t stand a man like that! I’d be angry as well! He should be helping with chores and getting kids to bed and getting them up and ready etc. He should be spending time with you instead of drinking until 130am and sleeping til 12. Does he not work? That wouldn’t fly with me. I’d be saying bye bye!
My fiancé works until 11:30 to 12:30 at night, 5 nights a week. He then stays up until 3 to 4 am playing PS4. He sleeps until 30 minutes before I have to leave for work. We only see each other on our days off. It irritates the hell out of me, but I leave him be because it’s his only down time. About once a week he does come to bed with me though, because he knows it makes me happy.
The 10-12 beers thing is something that wouldnt fly with me. I grew up with an alcoholic father, so I cant stand a man who gets drunk every night. And he knows it.
Is he on 2nd shift. If so on any shift to go straight to bed you have to unwind in a way ,hard go right to bed
Mine does video games. Then when he is super tired at work he comes home early, so paychecks are never secure
I’m the spouse that stays up late I don’t drink at all and I stay quiet. But, no that’s definitely not ok and I would feel the same way!!
Drinking like that is not normal and sure as heck is not something to incorporate in any kind of “routine.” Doesn’t sound like he’s helping raise the children, and kids need a good male role model. If he’s an alcoholic, he needs help.
Who’s he talking to at that hour?
It sounds like you arent having problems getting along, just that you feel lonely. Which is valid.
We all do what we have to to survive and stay saine though.
If you’re missing the person you’re with, plan dates, let them know you feel lonely.
Maybe you can compromise and stay up late with him one night for one on one time and he can wake up early to do something with you and the kids.
Start small and see where that leaves you feeling. There may be resistence at first but its worth a shot if its worth it to you and him to try.
I married a man who was a cop and a soldier. Lots of nights alone
If he doesn’t work then he needs to get off his ass, stop drinking and do something. If he can’t do that then his ass would be out that door.
I wouldn’t care as long as he didn’t wake the kids up and cleaned up his mess. Lmao. My husband works 3rd shift so plenty of nights when he’s off he goes to bed hours after I do cause his “day” is my night and I have a routine with the kids cause they’re my job. I actually have a harder time sleeping with him in the bed cause I’m used to sleeping alone. It’s been that way our entire relationship. He usually just chills watching a movie.
Have you tried talking to him? Cause it sounds like you just want him to do what you want and not compromise.
My husband does this he ends up getting mad at me for going to bed early and not staying up am in school plus working part time plus I also have to take my son to school and he just sits and plays his Xbox all day and has a very short temper while on it and he has so much yelled at our son to shut up and we or atleast I am is trying to get him talking more
I dealt with that for years and it’s ending in divorce. It’s a family thing not a one man show.
If it happens all the time I’d probably get pissed or if he doesn’t help with the kids routine at all. It’s hard in any relationship to be on different work schedules kids or no. If it’s not all the time I’d let it go or maybe tell him how you feel
Sounds to me there are bigger issues than routine. I doubt it has anything to do with routine and everything to do with feeling alone, lonely, frustrated with his behavior. The drinking would be a problem for me. 10-12 beers every night, not good. Bottom line your needs are not being met. How you go from here is up to you. Do what is best for you and your kids. He may be in the house, but he is an absent husband and father.
My husband stays up but if o ask him to lay down because I want a cuddle he will he will just play a game on his phone or put a movie on it and watch it with me till I fall asleep we compromise also every morning I wake up by myself get coffee going kids breakfast he will sleep for an hour so by the time breakfast is done he’s up in daddy mode y’all need to talk it out figure out a compromise so you both are happy
Don’t he have a job?
My husband works m-f 8-5 on his 1st job then owns his own computer business too 3 days a week he is at home by 7 or 8pm. I work Sunday- wednesday 8am-8pm I go to bed most nights by myself when I wake up hes usually still in bed till 20 minutes before i leave. But he also takes care of the kids a 15 year old and 3 year old. Dinner ect. Plus on thursday and friday nights I do food delivery as well. I barely see him half the time but sometimes it happens and you got to do what you got to do. I’m not the one to unwind whatever i want sleep but he is he stays up late. He drinks like 4 beers if that a night. I’m ok with all that. We get 1 day off a week together that’s all.
That is way too much alcohol for my taste. Does he work? He should be partaking in house chores, it’s his house too. My fiancé used to work second shift and I had a regular 8 to 5 job. I would mostly see him on weekends. He tried his best to switch to an 8 to 5 job also, and our relationship is so much better now, Plus he joined me on more house chores and activities together as a family.
That’s almost exactly why i left my kids dad. I was already raising them alone. His drinking disrupted all our lives so i left! That was the wake-up he needed too stop drinking and be a dad. Maybe he needs a reality check too?
Well, that’s when u know that relationship is coming to an end. He is avoiding you… open your eyes and plan your next move
Lol no. That doesnt fly in my house. Have u asked him about seeing a therapist? Maybe talk to him about alcohol dependency? If not…honestly I would walk away
I am a night owl, my husband is an early bird, everyone has a different way of doimg things . I’m not gonna make him live by my schedule and hes not gonna make me live by his. That woudl make us both grumpy.
We are a team and both parents our girls and help eachother but we are different people and don’t need to be like the other. We don’t even sleep in the same bed because we sleep better separate.
But it don’t effect our lives or intimacy because we don’t let it. Been almost 22 years.
If the drinking is a regular thing or hes slacking in other areas then serious Communication needs to happen.
You have every right to feel the way you do. It’s called being responsible. He’s acting like a single man. He’s not he has children that have to go to school and there’s Bill’s that have to be paid. Pulling drunks and sleeping till noon is unacceptable. If I had to do it all by myself I wanna be by myself. I don’t know just something to think about.
You aren’t giving us all the details…does he work? Is he night shift, does he help at all around the house?
My dad was a bad alcoholic he died of psoriasis of the liver and 2strokes he was a abusive dad beat me and my sister and my mom I left home at 15 he was that bad he never got help but he ended up getting saved at the end so now he’s in heaven with my mom
Not to be a downer, but… my dad always did this. It slightly annoyed mom, but we were used to it. He died of a heart attack on Thanksgiving. You’ll never understand how much you miss stupid cheap le that until it’s too late. He used to accidentally wake mom up all the time. Now we wake up to realize he’s not there. If he’s not hurting anyone, let it be.
Going to bed at 1:30 am after drinking and messing up the kitchen and sleeping til noon?? Nah, that shit wouldn’t fly around here. He sounds useless. Maybe you should put a boot in his ass and direct him to the employment line. He’ll only dish out what you sit back and take. If you’re sick of it and feel lonely then stop putting up with it.
I would probably hide all his beers lol but mayne he just needs to relax to after ue gets home from work . I would be excited to get the bed all by myself my husband snores lol
Does he work? Is he a good husband other then not going to bed when u want? Because if he is, I would back off and be thankful he is atleast home and not raising hell somewhere. I understand the wanting to “sleep” together cuz my husband works nights and we never go to bed together. Our schedule is total opposites. But we make the evening our family time and we all respect the fact he has to sleep during the day. He still makes sure I feel loved though. It just takes some understanding on both sides.
Same here. My SO works the midnight shift mon thru fri and I work 7 to 3 five days a week including most weekends. He works 6pm to 6am so I no more than get home from work and hes going to work and when he gets home I’m going to work. When we are off together he still stays up all night so he doesnt ruin his routine so 99 percent of the time I go to bed alone and wake up alone. It sucks
You married him
10-12 beers sounds excessive. My husband and I are different when it comes to routines and working as a deputy he has had to work opposite shifts than me quite often. You just find a way to make it work by being together when you can and scheduling dates. We also often sleep in separate beds because when he’s on call his phone goes off all the time and sometimes (lets be honest) he snores so bad I can’t sleep. It used to bother me that we slept in separate rooms. But now, it’s not so bad. We sleep together the majority of the time but it’s not unheard of for one of us to go off to the other room. I put our son to sleep every night so we almost never go to sleep at the same time either. Honestly, this is something you need to think about hard. Is forcing him to adhere to your routine worth the resentment it could cause? Would you be happy if the tables were turned and he tried to tell you he’s prefer if you went to bed when he did? Just have a conversation with him. Sometimes men are clueless and he may not know how you’re feeling about this.
There has to be compromise
Does he work? Does he help take care of the house and the kids? Is he getting drunk every night drinking that much? Is he waking everyone up in the middle of the night doing whatever he is doing? Do you need help with the kids in the morning or does he not help with them at night? If the only issue is that you go to bed at a certain time and he doesn’t because he wants to do other things I don’t see that as a big deal.
Mine stays up late but he works graveyard so on his off days he can’t sleep when we all go down. But if I ask him to come lay with me he will till I doze off then he will go back to the living room and watch tv and eat Ice cream
I feel like schedules and routines are for kids not adults. If he wants to stay up and have me time then I think he has that right. As long as he isnt waking the kids up more power to him.
Mine was doing this and turned out to be a wayyyyyy bigger issue.
Mine can stay up and drink all he wants as long as his work isn’t interrupted and the kids aren’t pushed aside. He’s a grown man. I’m a grown woman. I can go to bed alone. Alone time is needed. Once things get sloppy is when I’d say something.
My boyfriend does this but ONLY after he spends time with our daughter …and he puts her to sleep half the time or more, also helps in the mornings while I get ready since he knows I take much longer then him to get ready he will get the baby ready for me to take most days. Sounds like you need to talk and find a medium or common ground, if he can’t compromise then that’s unfair to you but as someone said above… he might just be clueless as to what you want/need. Communication is key
U. Don’t have a husband, U have another kid to watch.
The drinking would be a way bigger issue than the schedule. My husband and I worked opposite shifts for 10 years to solve the babysitter problem. We slept in the same room a few hours a night. Believe me. The drinking is a much bigger concern.
I’m in the same type of relationship but I would never tolerate the drinking. Mine works 10-hour days so by the time he gets off and gets home it’s 1:30 a.m. and it takes him a few hours to unwind. I’m on a completely different schedule because I’m up by 7 a.m. and we have three kids and expecting a fourth and he’s the only one working right now and he works hard so I don’t really mind it because it’s just the way things are right now but I would never tolerate the drinking. He drinks maybe once or twice a year if that. Other than that he usually eats when he gets home and watching TV or plays video games to unwine. honestly I like my alone time LOL
Doesn’t he work? He’s a husband.
My husband gets up at 7 AM, goes to work at 9, gets off at 9, plays his video game & watches TV until 12/1 & then comes to bed. It’s not that big of a deal
I go to bed alone, but I always wake up with my boyfriend beside me. We work different shifts. I don’t expect him to go to bed as soon as he gets home. The kids are in bed and I’m in bed. He has his own time at night and wakes up and is with the kids while I’m at work.
Drinking is the issue…that many each night is an alcoholic…his focus is not on family… It’s on drinking…if you can tolerate it …if not might need to suggest counseling
My husband works everyday 5:30am until 6:30pm comes home dinners cooked kids are ready for bed by 8 then he has 2-3 beers i go in the room with the kids he falls asleep on the couch that’s just us though we make jokes my room is the bedroom his room is the living room.
Ok, so drinking aside because honestly that’s a different subject and because you also mentioned COOKING and watching tv…which are NOT concerning activities…so i feel like the drinking is maybe a weekend thing? Or its not quite as much as you’re describing…maybe embellishing a bit to “sway” others to your “side”?
How is his being awake “being disrespectful” of the “house routine”? How does it actually impact the children’s routine?
What are his work hours? Does he help with the kids otherwise?
JUST from what I’m reading I’d say you’re being unreasonable and wanting to treat him like a child instead of a grown man
BUT INSTEAD I’m going to say…
There’s not enough information here to tell you whether you’re right or wrong.
But I’m going to say that i have insomnia. I maybe get 4ish hours. I cannot force myself to sleep and laying in bed wide-awake is just plain AWFUL. I HATE it. I would be FURIOUS if my husband told me i was being “disrespectful to the house routine” because i couldn’t sleep. I’d be furious if he expected me to lay and bed and follow rules like a child. Furious enough i wouldn’t be married.
From the sounds of it…you’re hiding behind the house routine for reasons his routine is a problem…but it honestly sounds like its more than that.
Best thing i can say is figure your feelings out then talk to him without accusing him. Try to find a compromise that works for both of you.
My husband works long hours and by the time he gets home at 7 pm or later and has dinner and a shower , I’ve already fed the kids done homework with the kids did bath and bed time and I am ready to crash. My husband needs the time to relax and destress before coming to bed. That doesnt bother me.
The drinking sounds like it’s a problem, or may be the start to a bigger issue. You need to communicate your worries to your husband and maybe seek counseling.
Does your husband work ? If so what hours ?
Welcome to my life…Unreal.We have 6 kids.I work 6 days.Nick stays home.I get up at 6 am get them all ready shower and go to work by 930 am I close at 6 pm.Mon thru sat.I go to sleep around 11 bc I watch the news and smoke my weed after a long day.He stays up until 3 or 4 am.And he sleeps until 12 or 1 every day.He gets the 2 youngest from school and cooks most nights but gets a luxurious life of sleeping and I feel like a zombie.I do the laundry clean dishes all of it.Im exhausted.I feel you in every way
Sounds like he has a drink problem !! 10/12 beers a night is a lot to drink. U say he is your husband , was he like this before yous got married or is this behaviour from him something new ? Maybe he is stressed about something or having worries , u need to sit and talk to him and work out if you’d can move on from this if not then split
I technically go to bed alone, but my Husband always walks us up and stays until the baby is asleep and then goes back down stairs to work. He never wakes up before us unless he’s got his day job in the morning.
If your husband just doesn’t stay up there with you or doesn’t want to go to bed when you do, just ask if he will hang out with you until you fall asleep.
Best of luck.
I’d be more concerned about 12 beers a night…
That’s a problem. My fiance works nights till about 12 or 1 am. so I’m always going to bed and waking up alone. But when he gets home he takes a shower unwinds and watches some tv and usually ends up falling asleep on the couch.
And it’s fine. Because hes an adult who pays the Bill’s also
My husband spends time with me, then we spend time by ourselves. Sometimes he is in bed when I go to sleep, sometimes he’s still watching TV. He gets up earlier for work or on weekends let’s me sleep in. That much beer is a red flag.
You’re married to an alcoholic. Get into alanon I promise it gets worse.
I’d say the drinking thing would bother me more… My husband works night shift so I go to bed alone every night he gets off at 4 am I may get an hour to hour an a half in the same bed as him and then I get up to get kiddos ready for school and get my day started after I get kids ready for school I clean get supper prepped for the night so he can bring some to work take care of the dogs and cats and then watch a little TV till he gets up to go to work and while he gets ready I make him something to eat and something to take to work
My husband works second shift so he usually stays up a little later than me and our baby. But if I’m feeling lonely or sad I ask him to come to bed early and he will, even if he’s not tired.
I could write a book on this issue but I will say this… you’re not alone and it is not unreasonable of you to want your husband next to you at night! It is a very lonely feeling to spend every single night, alone! Especially when you’re in a relationship that is supposed to be a bond unbreakable! He should want to lay down with you at night and if nothing else he should respect how you feel about it, regardless of the “house routine”!! Men will realize one day, if you cater to your wife she will cater to your life!!.
My fiance leave 6 AM and gets home after 7 PM. I get up at 5:15 AM for just time alone, sit, chat and have coffee. He leaves, I get our daughter up for school at 7. He gets home and I have dinner ready. We eat, watch tv, chat, spend time with our teenage daughter if she’s home… Surly u can adjust ur schedule just a tad to make for more time together. Just try. U’ll find it works wonders for ur relationship… I remember my grandma getting up mornings with my grandpa, making him breakfast and having coffee together. That’s why i started doing it.
You sound like my husband😆 It’s 10 pm and he’s currently going to bed while I’m kicking back relaxing doing whatever I want to do right now. I might do bills, laundry, watch a movie, or whatever the hell I want right now because I don’t have a little person in my face screaming for my undivided attention. I need this time to do whatever I want. I’m a SAHM so this is my “escape time”. What he does may not be your thing, but it’s his. Does he dictate when you need to go to bed and wake up? Reverse the roles for a minute.
I work offshore 28 days at a time and equals out to about 9 months a year. My wife does everything, and she is a SAHM. Thankfully I got lucky because she completely understands and never complains that I have to work and we make sacrifices to pay the bills, support our kids, and live a good life.
My husband games. So he gets up in the morning around 8:30 to get ready for work, he gets home around 6 and gets on his pc right away. He games till 2-3 am then comes to bed. On days off he stays up till 3-4 gaming and sleeps till around noon. I go to bed every night around 10 or 11 with my son and we wake up around 9 or 10. So i go to bed and wake up alone every single day. The way i see it is that at least my husband is home safe and not out messing around or spending all of our money, even if it is annoying that his schedule completely clashes with mine.
So, you have an alcoholic child in your house? That’s what I’m reading here, the not keeping the same hours isn’t even a top concern, it’s the fact he’s having no part of parenting and he’s an alcoholic
My SO isnt up drinking (we both dislike alcohol) but he is simply a night owl. He typically stays up until 2am but he is back up at 730 am to help with the kids and see them off. We never go to bed together at night and I prefer it that way.
If he works and contributes to the household I see no problem with different sleeping patterns.
However, if he isn’t spending any time with you & the children that is a problem.
And DEFINITELY has a drinking problem!! That is a concern…more than a concern. It’s not good for you, not good for children, and not good for him. 10-12 beer every night is alarming.
You need to address this with him. About going for some help with this issue. Unless he is hostile. If so, my suggestion is to go on your own. Build a better life without an alcoholic in your home.
It’s the opposite in my house. I’m a night owl and up until 1-2 am and my hubby is in bed by 9:30 every night. Weekends are our time together and to do ‘us’ time. He used to get upset, couldn’t sleep if I wasn’t there, yada yada but he’s gotten used to it and actually enjoys his time now, he gets a better sleep bc I’m not talking or pulling blankets or ‘stealing his heat’ until he’s already well asleep. If you want him to be respectful of YOUR routine why can you not respect HIS? Honest question.
Why don’t you talk to him let him know how you feel
Find compromise in your routine. My husband has a weekly poker night and stays up late.
Adapt. Not all people can handle the same routine as you. Try to figure out a middle ground in your situation to help both of you
Shift work? How many hours involved when he is drinking and are they days off? Was he like this before? Not sure how to comment to help. My husband just didn’t come home sometimes. Being alone with our son was the way of life. Course our marriage ended after 10 years.
Evidently he doesn’t work. Maybe he should a job. If you are taking care of everything, why have him?
it could be worst, he could be out drinking & screwing someone else !!! But I also would ask, as others have also, does he work?? If not…you have to put your big girl panties on & decide what you want !! Also you didn’t say what the ages of your kids were. But putting them to bed @10 pm !!! WOW
My husband works nights and stays up until 5-7am. I used to not like it but, I love having the bed to myself most nights (even on his days off, he stays up because he’s used to it). When he gets in bed, I usually get up for the day.
Sounds like he’s got a drinking problem and would rather drink then spend time with his family. Talk to him about it and tell him you don’t like it, if he’s drinking a bit at home to relax that’s fine but he could be out clubbing and cheating for all you know. If he doesn’t change after you talked with him or just says you’re crazy or something like that then honestly just leave his ass. You’re used to being alone all the time anyway so might as well actually be alone and find someone who will love you the way you deserve to be loved
I’d stay up with him 🤷
He needs help if he’s drinking that much a day. Think of the money you could be saving for times you could spend together
I feel like that but that’s only because my husband works so much he has long hours and even with a job we couldn’t afford child care because it would actually make us lose money so right now he has to work hard but I also know that as the kids get a little bit older it’s going to be easier and he won’t have to work as hard and once the kids are all in school then I can help out and get a part-time job if I want or just stay home and take care of the house and let him still work but by that time he’ll be advanced in his career and we will be better off I think there’s more issues there because you’re talkin about him drinking I think drinking is probably the issue because this makes him lazy that’s something completely different
Compromise! Your house wont be utter chaos if you stay up and have a drink with hubby once a week. Have a drink and unwind
Get your kids in bed by 7 and hang out with your husband until 10. You both are probably feeling neglected towards one another and need to spend time with each other. You guys probably aren’t having sex and that can really put a strain in your relationship.
He needs to grow the fuck up.
Sounds like you’re in a rut maybe hire a sitter and take him to his favorite place to eat and have a night out to recapture some fun and spice up your relationship
Sounds like control and jealousy to me. 🤷 Your complaint is that he doesn’t follow your schedule. Because he’s a grown man and your not his mom. And then you talk about him staying up to “do whatever he wants”. That makes you sound jealous of the fact that he can do that. So make some time to do that yourself. Most couples are on different schedules. As long as he has a job and makes time to spend with his family too, leave that man alone.
This is normal…just remember, his paycheck takes care of you, yours, and your house…it’s his home too! If you’re lonely, tell him, not Facebook…hes your husband, communicate!
Is he doing this every night? If so I’d kick him to the curb. If he is drinking every night up until 1:30 how does he go to work? To do that every night then he must be a cranker.
First off I’m sorry but he’s an alcoholic, you need to talk to him, and do not buy his beer anymore. As far as you two being on different schedules that’s pretty normal my husband works midnights. I hope everything works out to what’s best for you and your kids.
I love my kids Justin and Alex they are my life!! Thank you Dear Lord for such a beautiful blessing.
My husband worked And toke very good Care of Me and our children.We all went to bed early and got up early.I didn’t have to work But I did And We toke that extra money to Spend on Family activity.That’s what families do.Your husband has A problem.You need to have A family meeting And talk with him about how you Are feeling Then decide how to Solve the problem.