So I need a little advice. I’m not looking for any rude comments, so try to keep them to yourself; just want unbiased opinions. I & my mil got into an, almost physical on her part, an altercation at my son’s 1st birthday party & since then she hasn’t been over to see my son, her grandson. It took her over two weeks to even talk & apologize to me when I reached out & told her we needed to have a sit-down. She claims it’s killing her not to see him, but she hasn’t even asked. She’s basically making it seem like I’m keeping him from her. Well her daughter’s birthday is coming up & she wants us to come. Her whole family will be there, & she basically has lied so much about me that none of them like me. I know her daughter is innocent & I want to be there for her, but part of me doesn’t want to show up bc honestly, it’s gonna be weird for me. Every one of them has a negative opinion about me & have said so many rude things to & about me. & another reason why I don’t want to go is bc as I said, she hasn’t even come to see him, but she expects us to come. Like she only wants to be around him when it’s convenient for her. I want to be the bigger person, but I don’t. & I know that’s immature of me, not wanting to go bc I don’t want her to see him on her time only, but idk… What would y’all do
I would let time takes its course. And meet at another time.
Put on ur big girl panties and just go…
I would go along and be absolutely the nicest person that any of them have ever met. She will look silly and everyone will see what has been misunderstood. I know it will be hard but steel yourself and plaster on that smile 
I let my husband take my son to my MIL’s but I don’t go. Pretty much the same story as yours. That works best for me.
I wouldn’t go to be honest if she hasn’t even try herself although she may take the opportunity to “Prove” her point on what she is claiming the you don’t want her near your child
What was the fight about? Because depending on what it was about is if I would even let my son see her or not. She’s/your relationship with her is already toxic with spreading lies and fighting during your son birthday party.
everyone is different, and ive been in your shoes, but my situation was a little different, but i know the feeling of just wanting your mother in law to accept you and your husbands family to like you… so with that being said, i would go…and just be yourself. have a good time. show them that their opinions are wrong, and what they have heard about you is wrong. you may end up enjoying yourself. if she wont make the commitment to go see her grandson, thats her choice she has to live with. if you dont try, you’ll never know! good luck 
I have been in a similar situation. The best advice I can give is to cut anyone and everything toxic out of your life. If they are toxic to you they are toxic to your child. This sounds so dead on with some of the things that happened with my MIL. Only she ended up getting physical with me and punched my 10 month old in the face later on. If it doesn’t feel right dont do it.
Give it one more shot and be the bigger person EVEN if it means being uncomfortable. If it’s a disaster again…from now on let your husband take him. But I also would want it to be on her time because MILs like that will take time alone with him to UNDERMINE you every chance they get. I speak from experience. Good luck.
I would go. You shouldn’t keep your son from the birthday party. By going you are showing everyone that you are not the problem, she is.
I would not go! lol but maybe have your husband go and bring a gift from you or the fam. Idk I wouldnt have anything to do with people if they have negative stuff to say or think poorly of me! Family included, I don’t talk to my siblings and aunts bc if it
Go and be extra nice to EVERYONE. Be the bigger person.
Go to the party. Not because your MIL wants to see your son on her terms, but because his Aunt wants him there. If you’re uncomfortable you can leave early, say you don’t feel well or something. But if you don’t go, the family WILL believe every bad thing she’s had to say against you. Go, be happy, have some fun… and show them you’re not what she claims.
I’d give the daughter a bday card/gift and let her know you’re sorry you can’t make it. And why isn’t your spouse handling his mother??? There’s no reason you and she should be getting physical especially if he’s present. He needs to deal with her.
I have zero tolerance for drama from friends or family. The fact that it happened at my sons birthday party would be the end of that relationship period. My mother in law decided she didn’t need to mind my parenting because she was “grandma” and she learned the hard way. Hasn’t seen my oldest in 8 years and has never met my youngest. We will never have a relationship again. Of course there were many other issues as well but if you want to see my kids you will make an effort and you will do it with out drama. I don’t care what you think of me, my family or my parenting style all that gets set aside if you want to be a part of my kids lives
Where is your husband in all this? What does he say to his mom or to you? I just mean does he defend you?
Constantly invite her. Apologize as well!! Constantly engage and initiate! It’s for your kid and your spouse you will try harder n expect nothing from her!
Go. If they want to be petty and pitiful and make the day weird, that’s on them. Kill em with kindness I’d say! Show up, walk in with a smile and be yourself. They can man up whenever they want to. You tried.
Also, why isnt your spouse dealing with their mother acting like this?
I wouldn’t go. She needs to grow up and let everyone know that she only said those things about you out of anger. You guys need to sit down and talk like the adults you’re supposed to be.your spouse needs to let their mom know that what she did was childish and inappropriate
Let the baby’s dad take him to the party and stay home. Don’t use the baby as a pawn
Go, bring a gift, be nice, if uncomfortable, make up an excuse, be sweet as pie to dispel the accusations.
Wouldn’t go, until she cleans her mess up, with the other family members. I for one took a long time to realize, I dont need toxic people in my life. And that is all she is TOXIC.
Be the bigger person and go. Wish I knew what the fight was over. I’d take two cars, that way if shit started, I could just leave. Why doesn’t your husband stand up to her?
Go if you’re invited, unlike me, I don’t get that option. Feel blessed you have in laws even when things aren’t perfect. It could be way worse😘
Send the kid. Take a couple hours for self care. Pick kid up. Boom everyone’s happy
She invited you and your are the one not wanting to go, can’t blame her for that.
And if you truly forgive them you don’t need an I’m sorry from anyone.
I have dealt with this. In hindsight I always wish I would have just attended the functions because by not showing I let her win. Let her love her grand baby but let her know you won’t tolerate the bullshit. She will respect you more for it
Your husband needs to stand up to his mom. She shouldn’t be acting like that. If she’s threatening you, then he needs to tell her to back off. Same with the others. I wouldn’t go until she publicly apologizes to you and agrees to work amd making your relationship better so she can still be part of your family.
I’d send sister in law a nice gift but theres no way I’d be around her after all she has done.
Girl, put your big girl panties on, along with your bad ass outfit and look fabulous and be as nice as can be to everyone and change their minds about you! Your son shouldn’t have to miss the party because of the adults fighting!
Me personally, I’d come up with something else to do that day. Then call her daughter and wish her happy birthday and tell you can’t be there. Hubby and son can go of course. But I’d be out of it for the moment.
MIL seems to be the victim seeking allies type in your family. I have the situation in my life at the moment. She’d bad mouth you all day if you were there, same as if you didn’t. The day is going to all about MIL anyway the way it sounds. Keep your chin up, don’t feed the drama and keep doing you and your family.
I’m in a very similar situation… my MIL is crazy. She’s always trying to tell us how to raise our children, she went as far as to try to hook my husband up with another woman at a FUNERAL, she’s always making rude comments and the last straw was when she came to out house and was taking pills and was so high she couldn’t walk so my story is a little different but with that being said you have to do what makes you feel comfortable. My husband’s entire family is going to Disney for Thanksgiving and were not going because I choose not to put myself in a situation where things might happen again and I refuse to be 10 hours from home stuck with her. There has to be boundaries and it’s your husband’s responsibility to step up and demand that she respects you. She may not like what you do or have to say but at the end of the day its none of her business. If it makes you uncomfortable then don’t go.
I say go! @ the end of the day ur stuck with that family. I’m sure u both said and did things u shouldn’t have done. But if it happens again beat her ass!!
Maybe get with the daughter and celebrate separately. Go to dinner or something. There is no reason to put yourself in an uncomfortable situation. As far as her making no effort to see your son, so be it. If she’s petty enough to not put the past where it belongs, and immature enough to spread lies about you, maybe your son is better off. If a person can’t respect you, they can’t respect your young child.
I say go, put it behind you and act nice. If it’s not going well and you they make you feel unwelcome then I would say you have to make a choice of just not doing family events with them anymore or sucking it up and dealing with it.
I wouldn’t go ! No reason to make yourself uncomfortable.
I would send my husband with a gift lol I wouldn’t put myself in that situation.
I would go. Hold your head high and don’t worry about what everyone thinks. Family can be hard to get along with, but ultimately it sounds like they want you there.
Just stay home and enjoy some me time
Send a gift and don’t go. Don’t feed in to that victim mentality
You dont wanna be that rude person. I’d go for a few hours and enjoy myself.
Go. Be the bigger person and teach that to your son. When he is older he will see it all and form his own opinions about her.
You are an adult if you don’t wanna go dont go.
Maybe try to sit down and talk it out before you make a decision on whether you go or not. If things go well and you guys can move passed what happened then go, if you can’t send your husband and stay home.
If you think she’s only asking you to come to see your son, though she hasn’t made any effort to contact you asking to see him, I would hire a babysitter and just go with your husband.
I honestly wouldn’t go. If she wants to see your son, she can come over. Honestly it sounds like a double edge sword. You go your miserable. You don’t go she gets to spread more lies about you. So do something that day that makes you happy. Take your son to a park or do some early Christmas shopping
You either have to agree to fix/move on from it or it will tear away your relationship with your husband to some degree. After all mother in law apologized and im sure they dont want drama at a childs birthday party. I say you bite the bullet, GO and enjoy yourselves!
I have been in that situation but it was my mother. I know the family looks at me sideways for things shes said which isnt true. You cant win with these people. I wouldnt go I’d be protecting myself and my child from the toxicity of the family.
Sweetheart, what people say or think about you is none of your business. I would go
Until issues are resolved I wouldn’t go. Almost beating each other up is not normal and it’s toxic . Family not liking you because of someone else is not normal and that is toxic as well. Hubby needs to talk to his mom and family and tell them to calm down and give you a chance and to obviously respect you . Your son doesn’t need it and neither do you
I would go hold my head up high and smile at everyone so they know they are not getting to me and let ur son enjoy the party but if it gets to much I would then make an excuse to have to leave and take my son with mw
Don’t bare the weight of what you don’t own. Act in good faith, set boundaries to keep yourself in a good place. Put your game face on and lead with grace and dignity. The gift of leadership is for your kids.
You don’t have too go it’s your choice if she don’t like that well tough luck
I dont think its petty to not want to be around people who treat you poorly. Live your life the happiest you can and that includes distancing yourself and protecting your kids from toxic people.
What was the fight about ? I would drop the child off and pick him up when it’s over you don’t need to be there or have your husband take the child and u stay home. Don’t punish your son and don’t out yourself in that position
Kill her with kindness
I wouldn’t go until you have a legit sit down face to face conversation. Some boundaries and expectations need to be set because am almost physical fight is not ok. How do you teach your kid to keep his hands to himself when his grandmother wants to lay hands on his mother? Screams toxicity to me!!
I wouldn’t go. I’d be honest with the daughter and drop off a gift or whatever a day ahead. You can take her to lunch or something. Then I’d reach out to the other family members to try to develop your own relationship. Just leave grandma alone till she can stop being petty.
I wouldnt go. Lifes to short to do things you dont want to do or be in situations that make you feel uncomfortable imo.
Where is your husband in all of this? Has he stuck up for you to her and others? What are his opinions?
I wouldn’t go. A child doesn’t need to be involved in that toxicity. I wouldn’t leave him alone either because no telling what she will try to get your child to believe
Be the bigger person. Kill them with kindness. Catch bees with honey.
Go. It’s not the kids fault. Ignore ignorance.
Not sure of why the incident took place but your husband should stand up to his mother on your behalf you shouldn’t have to bend over backwards to please her and I wouldn’t go if I were you
Stay. At. Home. In. Peace.
Your husband needs to step in and have a talk with your family, or at least your MIL
I don’t think you’re being immature for not wanting to go. You know you will be walking into the lion’s den. Maybe she’ll agree to meet with you before the party? At least to smooth things over. It doesn’t seem fair that the first time you see her after such an uproar is at a party on her turf. It almost feels like a set up. Hope it all works out bc it does seem like mind games are being played here 
You have to make it work, especially for your son. Be a ray of sunshine so none them have anything to say when you leave! Prove her wrong and kill her with kindness 
I absolutely would not attend
Make her announce to the whole party that shes wrong about you and that there was an awful misunderstanding, and make her appologize in front of everyone to you. That should do her
Your husband needs to handle his family’s drama.
keep smiling! if you decide to go keep it short. Sometimes your in there house they feel they do or say whatever I their house!
Okay so none of them like you? Don’t fucking go then. Simple. Avoid the drama. Whats there to think about? You pretty much answered your own question…
I wouldn’t go, mainly bc you’ll be on HER turf, surrounded by HER family. I’d send a nice gift & my regrets. If the woman almost became physical she has a definite problem with you for some reason. And to do so at your sons 1st bday party??? You didn’t say how your husband is about the situation. He needs to step up to his mother & support you as his wife & mother of his son. If he either can’t or won’t do so then I can only tell you that my husband not standing up to his mother cost me my marriage after 2 daughters & 7yrs of stress
I value my peace too much these days. I wouldn’t go. But only you can say what’s best for you and your situation.
I wouldn’t go. I would worry about all that negativity being around my son. And also you don’t know how everyone will react to see you there. Will there be extra drama? Will there be another fight? These are all things that needs to be cleared up before I would be anywhere near that family with my child! Also I would have a sit down with her for sure and also have her in some way tell the truth to every person she has lied to about me! Until then your son is better off without someone like that in his life.
She apologized. Remind her the road goes both ways if it comes up again. Be as vibrant as you can and greet everyone. It is hard I know. My FIL didn’t accept me for years, my husbands parents felt it was a one way road from our house to theirs. I never showed it bothered me and still spoke to him. Show the family you are not what she ‘might’ portray you to be. Leave early cause your child is only 1 year old and needs a nap.
Id show up n show everyone that what they say doesnt mean shit to me
I didn’t speak to my mother in law for a year. She finally realized that she was wrong and things are better. I would not go your child should not witness you being treated poorly.
Me personally I’d call the daughter and set up something with her to hang out for her birthday on another day. Your MIL behavior is just that of a toxic person. I dont allow toxic people around my children. If she cant speak I’ll of you when your not around imagine what those people might say about you to your child or in front of your child. Imagine what your MIL might say about you in front of or to your child. She seems slightly narcissistic as well. It’s not your job to make sure shes in your child’s life its hers. Your child will know who loves them by who makes an effort to be in their lives. My husbands father used to ask to see the kids and when it came time to meet up he never showed. My husbands sister claims she wants to see her niece and doesnt want to lose her family yet shes not made any effort to come and see the kids or her brother or grandfather. Shes also not even called to ask about them. Or her nephew who is only 6 weeks old. If your uncomfortable being there because your reputation has been tarnished, your not obligated to go just cuz its family. Toxic is toxic no matter who they are. You do whatever you feel is best for you and your son, that’s all that matters. Keep your head up.
your right life shirt you want things to positive.
Some families are so distant and you dont know why!
You might ask but no answers
so you beautiful children make a life for yourself for them and friends!
Listen. Don’t put yourself in an unfair and potentially disastrous situation for a child’s birthday party. There are other ways to get through this. Clearly your mother in law needs to stay in her lane by the sound of it all. With that being said I don’t think your one talk with her about it did the trick. Your husband needs to step in. This is his family. He needs to defend you if you were in the right.
Kill them with kindness
your hubs needs to handle her drama for sure. however, if you are good with the daughter (your sil), then i’d say go for a bit and then just go home after. i don’t agree with just letting your kid go with just hubs bcs who knows what mil will say to your kid about you 
for us, respecting the parents is top of the list in making sure they get time with the kids too. if the relationship is toxic, only way the kiddos are going is if we are both there. we are all a fam/a package deal.
Go & hold your head high!!
I would definitely go & smile & make an extreme effort… hold your head high lady & do it xxx
I had a similar situation with my mil. She wanted to smoke in my house even after I told her no longer. My ex and i had both quit and new carpet and wallpaper but she exepected me to apologize. My ex backed me up. We had gotten along fairly well up to that point but not so much after. Life was better without her around so much. Talk to sil and ask what she thinks but i would probably “remember” a previous commitment. Best wishes. Hugs
I say stick up for yourself and have your husband back you up
Go have an exit plan already in place if it’s needed. It will only get harder the longer this goes on . She will be a part of your life forever.
Fuck that! You gotta protect yourself and your baby from toxic people WHOEVER THAT MAY BE!!! I know it hurts… but you are the mother and you have to make those tough decisions
I wouldn’t go if the family all felt like that about me, I’d feel so uncomfortable and awkward. If she really wanted to see your son, I’m sure she would have she’s just being petty obviously. If she was trying to be physical at YOUR sons birthday, imagine what she’ll be like surrounded by Her family at Her daughters birthday! She obviously ain’t over it, that’s why she ain’t been to see your son, just send a gift and send your apologies for not attending? All the best to you.
Being the bigger person does not mean you have to accept abuse and being treated unkindly. I would skip the party until a time, when and if, the relationship Improves. You have a right to assert boundaries.
I would not go to the party unless you can have a sit down talk with her to iron out the differences between you , the child deserves a peaceful party on her birthday! !!
They will never change
If she was telling lies about me to people and almost hit me and my child’s birthday party I wouldn’t go around her. It’s not healthy for anyone involved. In the meantime I would be telling my SO that he needs to talk to his mom and the rest of his family about how they think about you and treat you.
I would just make other celebration plans for anything around what mil is doing until she can grow up and be the bigger person. If you all have already hashed things out and she apologized she knows she was wrong. So why isn’t she coming around to see the baby. Sounds to me like you already was the bigger person when you tried to hash it out the first time. Do what’s best for your sanity and your family and don’t worry one bit about what anyone thinks of it.
Suck it up Buttercup. Go to the bday party. MIL are crazy… it’s our job.
I’m going through a similar situation with my MIL. Except she still hasn’t apologized. I haven’t went to any family functions that involved being around her in almost a year. You deserve to be respected. Just because it’s good to be the bigger person, doesn’t mean you have to deal with abuse from your in laws.
I wouldnt go my inlaws have not seen my kids in 5 years except for mabey 5 times and then they only stayed like 10 min