I’d make him tell the wife before he could see her. If he’s gonna keep her a secret, he doesn’t deserve her and he certainly doesn’t deserve the poor wife
I would just walk away forget that he excite
You flip flop what you want. First you wanted him out of the picture then in the picture now out of the picture
Get the child support! He cheated and made a baby, and said he wanted to be involved, so he can help pay for raising her since hes not there every day.
Stop manipulating and do what is best for the child
1st off he destroyed his own life by lying and cheating he need to help raise his child
Tell the wife and file for child support. He wants to hide your child…never let anybody hide your child. He shouldn’t of cheated on his wife
His wife deserves to know, it’s not fair keeping it quiet means your daughter suffers.
Prioritise her. She will want to know her dad
He is manipulating you into feeling bad and playing the victim. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. That grown man decided to cheat on his wife and these are consequences to his actions. File the child support , Your child doesn’t deserve to be a secret. That little girl didn’t ask to be here but do what you need to do for her and you .
I would let the wife know . I would get a dna test and take him to court. You and your child suffer and he goes on with life? Nope. You said it… your daughter deserves that much! Why do him any favors? Why drop the CPS case?
Sounds like he flipped out over CS cause he didnt want wife to know about baby. That’s what he meant by destroying his life. He’ll get found out. Reckon he should have thought about that before he cheated two women at once. He sounds like a con. He destroyed his own life, maybe he should suck it up and face the consequences. If I were the wife I’d want to know.
This is a confusing post. You dont want him in her life yet you want him to spend time with her?
Wife deserves to know
Ok so let me just tell you what happens when you hold the secret and "cut communication " 50+ years down the road when your child does an ancestry DNA test and it comes back as this man it will destroy her. It will destroy his current family. From the ashes there will be new relationships and hopefully they are accepting and loving. I say this because it’s happened in my family. My grandfather had an affair when my mother was very little. It ended when she was about 10. Out of this affair a child was born. The mother told her then husband it was his even though he could not have kids. That child did the DNA test at 54 years old and her world as she knew it was completely wrong. Secrets came out of the woodwork. Her mothers best friend knew all the details, her own sister knew, even my grandfather’s brother and his wife knew. Dont do that to your child and his family. Be honest with everyone. It’s not fair to keep your child a secret because he cant keep it in his pants
You can’t force any one to be in your child’s life and trying too hard is just going to hurt your daughter.
Same situation here!
My BD has a wife and a few kids with her that I did not know about before hand.
After i got pregnant he blamed me and said it was all my fault and that he had nothing to do with me being pregnant. He has only seen his daughter twice, and one of those times he stuck his hand in my shirt while I was holding my daughter.
He refused to pay, so I (eventually) brought him to court.
Once again he is running around acting like I’m the POS because he needs to pay for his child.
Do I really want him in my daughter’s life? No. He is manipulating and I know damn well he does not care for my child.
Does he need to pay up for the child he helped create? YES!
I have spend $150+ on my daughter every week or so since she has been born. That mofo can afford to fess up and give me 27% of his check every week! And let’s face it. 27% isn’t even $20 so, we ain’t gonna get very far, but at least he’ll be paying for something he helped create!
Sounds like you don’t know what you want.
He wants his cake and to eat it too You have to tell him - you can’t have both and you also need to figure out what you really want. This is a confusing post. So you want him in her life? Probably a good idea to sort out with a therapist as well for all the changes in your life. It’s hard!!!
I’m definitely thinking of you. That is such a sticky situation. I hope everyone can forgive and move forward and work towards what is best for that baby
What’s in the best interest of the baby?
No you. And certainly not him. But the baby? What’s she going to want or need from him in the future?
The wife will eventually find out one way or another. Do what is best for you and your child. File for child support. You didnt make the baby on your own and it isnt fair to have to be the only one raising her.
F him… he lies to you, cries you are destroying his life… this guys is a MASSIVE POS.
If you need the financial.help.with her I would file for CS… he ‘ruined his life’ when he decided to cheat. If he wants to be a part of the childs life in other ways, that’s for you to decide what your comfortable with, but please consider your daughter first. Dads in an out tend to do more harm then not around at all. Legally, if he wants to claim any shared custody rights he will have to deal with it coming out.
tell him he has 2 choices step up or step off …
Choices have consequences. He should’ve thought about blowing up his OWN life before sleeping with you. I AM the wife in this situation. And I didn’t know until child support papers came in the mail WITH DNA test results. I literally thought my husband was getting punked and I had no idea. Looking back now, there were so many signs that he just explained away. She deserves to know and make that decision for herself if she wants to stay or leave. Go for the child support. You aren’t responsible for HIS poor choices, and your daughter needs and deserves her father in her life. I was very adamant about that when I found out.
His wife needs to know
Double life, wife needs to know, she deserves to know so she can have the power of choice. If you allow him to just go on then who’s to say he won’t keep making other babies. Your child deserves to know its siblings(if any).
His wife deserves to know and your child doesn’t deserve to be a secret in somebodys life. If someone has to keep her a secret, they don’t deserve her, they shouldn’t be around. And I will add that I think it was wrong for YOU to decide from the beginning that he shouldn’t be around. You should have gave him the choice from day one to come clean and be in his kids life.
All in or all out !! No half steppin when it comes to being a parent. This goes for both parents.
This group is for crazy bitter baby mamas. Always bullying men, do your own research and stop hooking up with guys you don’t know.
Get it settled in court now even if it is him signing over his rights. My daughter’s bio dad decided he wanted custody after 10 years of having nothing to do with her and it had been hell going through court now not because of how stressful it is on me but having to put her through it. Kentucky is a 50/50 state and the courts don’t really consider the past they take the he’s here now stance and want to give him split custody and my daughter says she just wants to be with her real family (talking about me and her step father who raised her). Basically this man she doesn’t have a relationship with is forcing it and i have to watch my daughter get upset every week for a few months for him to disappear again. The point I guess is to get legal agreements from the beginning
Honestly he destroyed his own life he was the one having an affair he knew he was married but you did ask him to walk away in the beginning to spare his wife so just cut your ties
If i was the wife vest believe i would want to know. Put yourself in her shoes. Dont be stupid. File CS and let it go frol there. Maybe once everything is in the air he can stop tripping about his wife finding out, and focus on being a father.
If he cheats on her with u he will cheat on u.what makes u think u an change him.he wants to hide his daughter from wife that should tell u he don’t want to leave her.walk Way
Hes a liar and a cheat. Why would u want someone like that in her life? You should be getting support from him. He ruined his own life when he put his dick inside you. (Sorry…but true). Wife should know, she deserves to know.
He is scum. He is gross. Do not allow a POS like him to represent what a man is for your daughter.
Your child shouldn’t be kept a secret. That’s not fair to her.
So this pig cheated on his wife, knocked you up, then says you ruined HIS life!?!? What about your life, your daughter’s life!?! Screw that asshole, hit him up for child support, let his wife know what she’s married to, its about your daughter and not covering up for a creep.
Imagine how ur daughter is going to feel when she grows up and realizes she’s a secret. What a shitty feeling she’s going to have knowing both her parents kept her a secret. He made his bed and he needs to lie in it. You should file for CS and he needs to tell his wife. No one ruined his life but himself. It seems ur ok being the side piece but don’t make ur daughter do the same.
He ruined his own damn life! This pisses me off so much because he’s trying to absolve himself by putting all of this on you! It’s not your responsibility to save him from his wife being upset and possibly leaving him. He did that all by himself. You do right by your kid 100%. That’s it. He needs to take responsibility for his actions.
Also, you keep saying that you don’t want him there, but you do want him there? You need to decide exactly what it is you want him to do. Because he can’t “be there for his daughter” AND “go away.” Either he goes away, and y’all pretend this never happened and you take sole responsibility for this child, OR he takes FULL responsibility for his actions.
She ain’t gonna tell his wife because she still loves him …the whole reason she wont go through with child support the whole reason she let’s him manipulate her …girl step out of this wreck if he was gonna be there for his daughter or you he would of been there since day 1 love isnt money… it’s being there
Refile for child support. He has an obligation to support his daughter. The fallout in his life isn’t your problem. Good for you that you are taking responsibility and raising your daughter! Hopefully you learned to be more vigilant in really knowing a man before you decide to sleep with them. But… not something to beat yourself up over… stop letting him manipulate and intimidate you. I can understand not liking confrontation but… you need the support for your daughter.
I am torn. You barely know the guy, you don’t know how he acts and handles stressful situations. You could be opening a can of worms, years of sadness, abuse, threats, court battles and so on. On the other hand he made his bed and now he needs to lay in it. fallow your gut.
How disgusting Men are straight pigs that poor wife if his my god
Everyone is here saying his wife deserves to know, but I’m thinking, if he has kids already, THEY deserve to know. Even if he is willing to walk away from this child, they might not be, and his wife might not be willing to sacrifice that relationship for him either. Meaning, SHE may want to know the baby. Perhaps not right away because I can’t even imagine how hard it would be, but you don’t know anyone’s mind but… well, yours really. Probably not his either. And certainly not hers or any of their kids, should they have any. So… you don’t have to go to court in case it turns out he is not a guy you want around your child after you blow up his life. You probably don’t really know him well enough to decern who he is at his core, and if he’s dangerous when cornered… or even her for that matter. Vendictive people can be dangerous, especially when there’s a child at stake. So, having him on record could bite you in the ass. But you could send a registered letter to her with the story and pictures and see what happens. Idk. It’s nice to let her have a choice. It’s nice to want him around in case your daughter has questions later. It’s nice to get financial support if you can. But it’s not nice to piss off the wrong people and risk custody and a life long battle over your child. Only you can feel that out, I guess. But I’d worry if that baby has siblings out there she will regret not knowing, or they will regret not knowing her. That might be unforgivable.
Child support and seeing the child are two very different things! File for the child support. Your priority is taking care of your child, not whether or not he gets in trouble with his wife. He chose to cheat and get someone else pregnant. That’s not your fault. If he reaches out to you to see your daughter than so be it, but don’t force it. He doesn’t get to just create a child and not have any responsibilities for her.
He chose this when he had an affair with you. Dont you think his wife has a right to know? What about his other kids don’t they have the right to know they have a sister? It will come out at one point or another nothing like this EVER stays a secret. Might as well get it over with and make him man up for what he did. I’m not one to judge what’s right and wrong, however if what you’re doing was the right thing you wouldn’t be on here asking what you should do. You know it’s wrong. Also I hope you don’t think you’re the only one. You most assuredly are not. Make him own what he’s done.
Why in hell would you want to raise your daughter thinking it’s ok to be a secret and stay hidden? That’s horrible parenting. Let that CS paperwork get mailed to his house and taken from his check. Then he can see her.
File for child support and custody. It’s his problem that he cheated and he will have to face the consequences. No more sneaking around.
Go back file for child support. Your baby need not be a secret you didn’t know he was married HE DID! Actions have consequences! Your child shouldn’t grow up without a father bc he is married. Step away from him, as in he’s married Respect that bc you know now leave him alone intimate wise. Co parent and raise y’all baby.
Girlfriend, cut him loose! Cut yourself loose, my friend! This man is only giving you what he has left after his “real” family. Give your daughter more by focusing on her. I wish you two the best. Good luck
I would of never cut the cs case that his loss he new better… she will find out sooner or later
TELL HIS FUCKING WIFE FFS!!! Ya u wrong af girl. Shit …
Time to talk to the wife!!!
Refile for child support. Having a secret daddy is going to hurt that child in the long run. Either he means up or he walks away. There should be no, let’s keep this baby a big secret
If he decides to stay with you it will happen again but with someone else. Once a cheater always a cheater. You don’t want that in your life or your daughters
Well girl, you’re nicer than me! I would have told the wife the second I found out about her!
He’s a pig and your child deserves better. Either help him terminate his rights or file for support again and don’t worry about ruining his relationship. He already did that when he cheated with you.
For 16 months that baby was a secret! Omg girl just get that child support so he can help financially for your daughter but I wouldn’t worry about him or his marriage let his wife find the child support paperwork in the mail. Shoot if she contacts you tell her you didn’t know that he was married and she should’ve known sooner from him or you. It’s sad for that woman she has no idea. Don’t be a home wrecker cause after you found out he was married that’s when all contact should’ve stopped until he told her or left her.
I’m sorry but you are not ruining his life like he says you are when you filed for CS. He made a choice to have a fling with you and got you pregnant while being married. He needs to be accountable for that choice. He is the one that destroyed his life and his wife and families life and now you are suffering for it along with your daughter. Secret families don’t ever pan out good. Don’t give him that power over you. If he’s not on the BC you will need to do a DNA test. And I’d go for that CS. Just know it’s not going to be an easy ride either way. It’s already messy and will get messier. Or you can cut him lose now and walk away. Your daughter deserves better. Just because he’s biologically her father doesn’t give him the right to be the father. Especially since he wants to keep her as a secret.
Cut him:woman_shrugging:t3: won’t make the effort to see his daughter or tell his wife she exists in fear when his daughter should come first, won’t help financially except when it benefits him, cut him. File for soul custody
No. There’s no secrets in parenting. For him to even ask that shows a high disrespect for you as an individual, lover, mother of his child. If you’re okay raising the child on your own then do that. Cut ties with the guy, too. If you can’t do it on your own, go after him with the court’s help.
Either way it’s going to be a shit show, so who cares? You’re not going to be with him right? He already ruined his own life because he just wants to have his cake and eat it too. File the cs and tell him he has to man up for CHEATING on his wife and getting someone else PREGNANT. Like God damn that’s the worst someone can do and he’s probably going home to her like it never happened and that shit makes me maaaad. I would have sent his wife a message when I first found out. Cut contact with him and tell him he can see his daughter if and when he mans the fuck up and reaps what he sowed, if not he needs to sign her rights away.
Tell him to send you X amount a month (something reasonable) or you’ll file for Child Support. Also tell him if he wants to see her and communicate with her, he can file for visitation rights. Your child comes first. She deserves better. Find someone else, someone that will raise her as his own and love her no different. And that will be daddy from then on out. Do it now before she gets older.
Write it out in one big text or however you communicate. Then tell him only to contact you if it’s important.
It literally hurt my heart to read that he wants to be in your daughter’s life secretly. That’s a horrible thing to do to your daughter. She deserves better.
First and foremost forget that he is going to be in your daughters life. He wants her a secret. Go after child support! Don’t tell him ahead of time either! Remember this, if his marriage is destroyed after this and he comes crawling to you, he WILL CHEAT on YOU!!! Take the support provide for your daughter and find a good man not a speed donor!
Your daughter deserves to know who his father is his wife deserves to know who her husband is . The kids deserve to know if they have siblings. Your daughter deserves the financial and physical support of both parents. He may not give it but if he doesn’t that would be on him not you . Best of luck !
You need to do right by your daughter. And so dkes he. He knew what he was doing. He needs to man up and take responsibility. Take him to court. He went out of his vows to his wife. Not you. He needs to do right by his actions.
And on the off chance he should visit once a year is he gonna tell her he’s daddy? Probably not!
Pick back up the CS, text his wife and tell him you had no idea and you are sorry and willing to talk. Tell him to go fuck himself, and you take care of that baby the way she deserves.
He needs to take responsibility for his actions. Get child support from him! If it ruins his life oh well. He should have thought about that before he cheated. Your daughter deserves better!
Cut tries completely!! Your child doesn’t deserve an idiot like that. That will teach her it’s okay for someone to treat you wrong!
Let me make this easy for you…
YOUR DAUGHTER IS NOT A SECRET TO BE KEPT!!”
I found out in December that my mom was keeping a huge secret about my father’s identity. Then when I talked to this man he wanted to keep me secret too because of his wife. If you allow him to continue like this, you’re not only allowing him the power he craves but you’re allowing your daughter to be thrown into emotional turmoil when she’s older. If that happens you should be ashamed of yourself. I was told by numerous people that I shouldn’t be upset because I’m 36 years old and my “life isn’t changing by knowing “ and that’s the most asinine thing I’ve ever heard. Don’t allow him to keep your daughter secret. He ruined his family, not you (unless of course you actually knew he was married) and not your daughter. Be bold and stand up for your daughter so she doesn’t resent you for hiding it all her life, later. It’s gonna be hard but you can do it.
I mean you really can’t make him walk away from his wife but if I was you I’d open up cs case again and let his wife know cause that’s not fair to your baby if him and his wife stay together then they stay together if they split up then they split up
You need to grow up and file for child support.
Let him explain to his wife why he’s all of a sudden getting letters for support.
It’s not your job to keep his secret.
Honestly I would have kept the CS case open because his mom deserves to know the truth! From someone who stayed in a toxic marriage where I was cheated on several times you, your child and his wife all deserve better! Hes acting ashamed of you and your child and thats wrong! Never let a man make you feel worthless! Trust me it took 20 yrs to figure that out!
You did not take time to find
Out any Thing a bout that guy that your falt
What is wrong with woman thes days
Cut him and make him pay child support…if he does it on his own and sends you money then let it be like that but if he stops paying or sending money then put him on child support… sounds like you knew he was married and already told him to stay with his wife so let him do that…move on from him and not try to trap him with you and find someone else to be happy on your own
Why did you sleep with a married man in the first place
Tell the wife for him. He will never tell her about his secret child. You would be doing a favor for the wife even though yes she will be hurt. Once told…cut all ties to him. Change numbers and whatever.
My dad had an affair while my mom was pregnant with my brother. He had another son that we knew about, but werent allowed to contact. His mom kept him a secret. 18 years later he found me. He was devastated. Can you imagine having this whole entire family that you knew nothing about? Its devastating. Dont do that to her. He needs to be a man and own up.
You need to tell the wife!!! It takes 2 to make a baby! Hold him responsible and out of respect tell her!! You both are at wrong!!!
Just go after him for child support. And be a woman and tell his wife, cuz he’s never going to.
Both of u need to face the truth and tell that poor woman. That’s so nasty that he has unprotected sex with you ( AND WHO KNOWS WHO ELSE!) THEN takes it back to his wife. He’s trash girl. Plahhh. Goodbyeeeee! Runnnnnn
Hes the father no matter what. Sounds like he wants to be in the childs life but he also wants to be with his wife. Put your foot down get the child support going. You do not need to tell dear wife because she will find out with the child support. You need to think about the baby. Now if he says he wants nothing to do with baby then dont file for cs waite 6 months and File for abandonment
Conflict and finding a way to deal with it is part of being an adult. Both of you are acting like children just so he doesn’t get in trouble with his wife and it’s effecting YOUR child in a negative way. Seems to me you care more about not upsetting this woman than you do your own child seeing their own father and getting the financial help that you deserve if/when he DOES get to see your baby.
Grow a pair.
Go after the child support. He’s only ever going to be in the picture when it’s convenient for him (assuming he chooses to at all) and it’s going to tear your daughter up regardless. She’s going to be upset when he can’t make it to school functions or holiday events because he’s going to chose to be with his “real” family. Tell the wife. Get paid and walk away. Easier for a kid to not know what they’re missing out on VS. being constantly disappointed. Also, he sounds super manipulative, you don’t want your daughter believing what ever garbage is coming out of his mouth. And one last thing: you didn’t ruin his life, he did it to himself.
He made the choice to cheat on his wife. You are not ruining his life by doing right by your daughter. File for CS, if he wants visitation he can ask for it. But your daughter doesn’t deserve to be put on the back burner because the adults can’t be adults.
If he wants to keep her a secret, he dont need her. You will find a man on day that will be her daddy. Save yourself the trouble and just cut him off. Out of state. You dont know him or his wife. They could try and take her from you. It could become a confusing mess for the child. Think outside the box. Just because someone can make a baby don’t mean they need the kid. Sadly. Harsh. But God gives us gifts. Ask him what to do. I’ve been fighting something similar for awhile. Except the mf really dont want his kid.
Just reading all the comments. In this day and age your going to get her killed. He doesn’t want her or the kid and will do anything to make it go away. Don’t talk to him and go on your way and raise the kid yourself. You CAN do it. I’d stay as far away from him and his wife and keep your mouth. Oh! And STOP spreading your legs that would stop popping out babies no one wants.
Don’t need him. My kids deserved a full time father not some little boy who flip flops. Cut him out and married an amazing man! Whom is their daddy and they were young enough to forget all about the asshole that never put them 1st!
If you knew his name and info to file for CS then how did you not know he was married?
I wouldnt let him be in her life secretly. He shouldnt keep the kid from his wife. He put his wife on the backburner for yalls relationship so he can put her second to the kid. File child support file to have him get visitation if you actually want him in his childs life!
Honestly I’d ignore him if he’d really want to be in the baby’s life he will have to come clean to his wife and then come to you when he has confessed about it
His wife should be told
I’d just let him go now while she still young. She wont remember what a scared little boy her father was. You can find a man who wants you and your baby for everything you are. Give him the dueces. And get a new number
i dont care if hes married or not… go to court and get child support and parenting plan…
You didn’t do anything wrong. HE did. The day he kissed another woman was the day he ruined his own marriage.
Your child deserves both parents. You cant force him to be a daddy. But you can enforce him to pay child support. My advice file for sole custody, no visitation for him. Seek child support.
He brought this on himself. Now he has to lay with it. Dont let him scare you out of what is truly right for you and your child. PS. DONT SLEEP WITH HIM ANYMORE!
I would tell his wife
He can open a po box and have you send the child support papers that way.
But he needs to be honest with his wife. Bc it’s going to eat at the both of you if not.
I wonder if this is his first outta state baby he has?