Same situation I was in. Although my firstborns father said they separated and made his wife out to be some monster (which turns out that they both are) We worked together and had sex a few times. I found out that I was pregnant and he kept telling me that he loved me and wanted to get a divorce. Finally he said he was going to stay with her because he didn’t want her taking his son away so I finally gave him the choice before I had my son, to either be a father or to never try to come into his life at all. He chose not to be his father. His wife messaged me not too long after having him and told me she knew about our affair and that I was a horrible person and I told her what he said to me and that my son was his and she said she wanted proof. I told her alright and then I told her the next day that I don’t want him in my sons life. She told me that he only wanted his real children with her. That he never wanted my son. That’s all we said. My boyfriend now, which has been there for me since before I had my first son and now we have another son together has been an amazing father to him. I would never ask for child support or anything from the other guy. I wouldn’t want him trying to get custody of my son anyway. One day I will tell my son the truth and he can do as he pleases but until then I’m enjoying my little family the way we are. Hopefully you can get something from my story.
His wife has every right to know that he cheated on her and she has the right to know that he has fathered a child with you. He has every right to see his child,
I WAS THE WIFE in a situation like this. That so called MAN made this his life. Dont feel sorry for him. His wife DESERVES TO KNOW. I WISH I would have found out my EX HUSBAND (now) was cheating WAY BEFORE I actually caught him. He got that woman pregnant and that’s when I finally knew it was time to move on. Maybe his wife NEEDS to know that he now has a child with someone else. Maybe this is what she NEEDS, in order for her to realize she needs to move on. It sure was what I needed in order for me to FINALLY move on and divorce my ex. And now my two boys have a GREAT man in our lives, and my ex is still jumping woman to woman (even left his side Chick while she was pregnant too). Do the right thing. File for child support (that’s what’s best for your daughter) and tell that mans WIFE. Hes destroying HER LIFE all on his own. Us women have to stick together and quit being afraid to tell eachother when our men jump into their DMs (or have a baby with someone, while they are married, and lie about it)
Needing cs or not HE SHOULD PAY also. You dont have to spend it, put it in an account for your daughter and give it to her when shes of age
If I was the wife. I would have liked to know what a low life piece of dirt I’m married to.
Call her up and tell her…
Cut communication file for child support,
If he messages u just say when your ready to talk civil about our daughter an seeing her and actually been a dad, message me then otherwise u don’t wanna here it,
End of this is his mistake his failure and his wife needs to know the truth the poor women
Take all you can get and let his wife know what a CHEATING asshole he really is. He doesn’t deserve a daughter if he doesn’t bother to see her. I hope you both dump his cheating ass.
I know this wasn’t the question but I would tell his wife. She has the right to know her husband is a cheater and has a child with another woman. She can then make her own decisions. As far as the baby goes, babies aren’t secrets. If he wants to be there, it shouldn’t be a secret.
I’ll say this much, if you believe you can do it on your own, do it. Do you really want your daughter to know all this about her father? Better she believes her father does not exist for whatever reason than to know her mother had to force him care about her.
You can’t force anyone to do anything they don’t want to do, but your DAUGHTER should learn that she’s no one’s secret even if that means not having her bio dad in her life.
You owe him NOTHING. YOU didn’t ruin his marriage HE cheated on his wife. Go to child support, get his name put in the birth certificate, stand up for your daughter because SHE is the one you owe. She is not his secret. Can you imagine if something happened to him and she was never acknowledged? There’s only one thing …if he is DAD he has rights. He has a right to some form of custody. When she is with him you have no right to say who she’s around etc. it will be his daughter and his time .
You don’t want money but you filed for CS? 
He should tell his wife if he wants to be in your daughter’s life or leave you 2 alone for good. Make sure you get the money he owes as it’s for your daughter. My sons dad cant be bothered with him. My son doesn’t want to see his dad and isn’t bothered any way
One of my nieces is one of five children an army officer fathered domestically in a one year period, including twins by his wife. He’s now single and fairly broke, but the kids have massive sleepovers with their paternal grandparents every year and adore each other. You may want to tell the wife just so your kid can have family.
Stay away from him and live your life. Your daughter doesn’t deserve him. He will only ruin you and her
You need to file for cs it is his responsibility, even if you don’t want to feel like you depend I him just put it away for your daughter or save it so you have it if something terrible happens. You can still cut ties and get support but you will have to prove he’s the dad. Depending on the state they can put support in place but he still has to take you to court to get visitation and rights.
As far as his wife goes she 100% deserves to know, wouldn’t you want you know if you were in her shoes? If you don’t like conflict then cut ties and file the legal paperwork, she will find out eventually
How does anyone know if she really didn’t know he had a “wife” if she wanted that man in her baby’s life she as a grown woman should’ve known what to do in the first place could’ve kept the case open or could’ve just told the wife herself.
I’d forget his name and forget he ever existed… you can figure out what to tell her when she’s grown but no way would I let him have anything to do with her or ask for anything that opens it up for him to get visitation and no way would I put my baby in a situation with two angry people that don’t really want her … just walk away and raise that baby with you and your family support
Seriously sounds like you got the best part of him … let the rest go
Keep in mind , couples make up. Baby deserves CS, but he can also sue for visitation, or custody . Happens a lot . Maybe talk with him and see where he’s at mentally/ emotionally and arrange meeting with wife after some time. Life happens and we deal with it . Wife may be understanding but that’s between her and him . Don’t ever use the baby as a weapon and slow down on your speed dating and enjoy your new baby . Good Luck
Enjoy your kid…move on. I did and I have no baby daddy drama and just enjoy my life. All the drama and chasing isn’t worth shit. Yeah yeah yeah…“he deserves to know his kid”, “your kid deserves to know their dad”, “he needs to be financially responsible” blah blah blah…thats all emotional labor. You have to ask yourself is it worth it? How much is this going to put shade on your life? How much pain is this going to cause?
Just walk away.
Honey, he cheated on his wife, that tells you the caliber of man he is. He’s telling you what he thinks you want to hear so you don’t screw up anything for him. Take care of your daughter. Forget him, your daughter deserves better and so do you.
FILE for Child Support immediately! Whether he wants to be in your child’s life or not, it is his RESPONSIBILITY as a parent to support his child. I will say tho, if he can prove you are an unfit parent, and I am NOT saying you are, he can take you to court and gain custody of your child. In my opinion, you do what is best for your child, and if there is no way he can prove you are unfit, FILE CHILD SUPPORT and make his wife AWARE! I too am divorced due to cheating that had been going on for almost 4 years and my son is only 3 1/2!
File for child support and let it sort itself out better sooner then later. The truth always comes out in the end. You don’t need to spend your time hovering waiting for him to man up, he will walk all over you until you stop letting him.
Your only worry should be of your child. How horrible not to know your father because your mother didn’t want conflict. Are questions of marital status not asked anymore?? His wife deserves to know. File CS. He can at least do that much for his daughter.
So from a mans point of view/logic. What’s it worth to you? Comparatively Look at the mans financial status! Is he well off? Are you? All these “ladies” in here telling you to “tell his wife”! So take this for what it’s worth, you tell his wife, ruin his marriage, he turns the tables, and files for sole custody. More and more judges are awarding fathers custody these days. There’s a lot more to consider than “telling his wife, and getting child support from him. Yes. He’s a chump for stepping out. He’s a chump for being “a part” of getting you pregnant. Blame is equal tho. It takes two to tango. Women are quick to pull the “He” got me pregnant card. No HE didn’t get you pregnant. You BOTH got you pregnant. Talk to him if you need money. If he pays you take it. Just giving you things to think about. And before anyone comes at me for any of my thoughts, I’m a very happily married man of 26 years. Not some jack wagon trying to defend anyone’s actions.
Set an example for your daughter, walk away, file the cs papers and take care if you first.
I would cut him off completely. Your daughter deserves more than to be a secret child.
Get child support again. Here in uk it costs to set ups child support claim and they have to collect the money from ex its costs too
That baby deserves a relationship with her father. Not in secret. What are you going to tell your daughter when she gets older and looks at you and says “why am i just a dirty little secret to my father”. Yeah - she’s gonna feel tons of self worth there. His life is not your problem. He knew what he had at stake when he cheated. You didn’t. And she deserves the financial help he is obligated to pay - it’s her child support and not yours to decide you do or don’t want. Put it in savings for her if you don’t need it to care for her.
Ok I see this different than most of the people commenting. This woman said she wanted him to walk away and not be involved as in she didn’t want anything from him for his child. She said He has sent her money for the child and until October was coming to see his daughter. I see it as he (the father) had an affair with this woman while he was in her town working and she got pregnant. He don’t want to be with her but wanted to pay for and be in his child’s life. But this woman wanted more. She wants him to be with her because she got pregnant. We as women have to be better. We can’t just sleep with someone who we barely know and get pregnant and expect that person to stay with us just because of that. A baby will not make a man want you. You know how many women tried to Trap a man with a baby and ended up being single parents. So my opinion is 1 you said you don’t want him in her life. Then you said you do. You said you don’t want his money. Then you put him on child support. I say you take the checks he sends you and raise that child. If we as women can abort if we (ain’t ready) to be a mom than how can we as women expect to force a man to be a dad. You better be happy you got pregnant by a man who wants to take care of the life he helped create. Even though he doesn’t want you.
You need to claim child support. It’s very unlikely he will have just have cheated with you. If he doesn’t physically want to be in her life then that’s his choice.its very unlikely the ever will have a stable and regular input if he is married. But financially he should help her.
Whats wrong with you ,file dont be timid
File for child support. Fuck him. HE ruined HIS marriage.
Get a parenting plan too.
Fuck him. He fucked up not u or your daughter. Go get that child support for the sake of ur daughter. That money is her right
Do what’s best for your baby… He put himself there good job… Ruin his life 
he made that happen he knew what he was doing to bad suck it up mate… if his wife finds out that’s good hope she kicks him to the curb…
Dominique Muñoz and IMPORTANTLY! Show her she deserves better! He’s married and nothing good will ever come from secrets or a secret love child! He’ll say it’s not his, he’ll have to pay for a test! Keep your messages, because once you step up for her & what she should’ve gotten all along he could try to take her ! And you WILL need the fact y’all are just his “secret” can be used against him esp if/when he says it isn’t his. Your child faces a lifetime of disappointments, if you can’t do what’s best for her! EVEN IF ITS HARD TO DO IT ! You tried. All you wanted was his involvement.
Don’t file child support because your mad that always seems the case when it takes two to make a baby. First off don’t be a bitter person I would let him be if he chooses to come around and wants to see the baby let him. You may think your protecting the baby from keeping him away period but sometimes you need to let that child see someones true colors for who they really are. You don’t want that baby growing up blaming you or saying you kept my dad away . What’s you think is always best may always not be the case. His wife will find out eventually and if she came to you afterwards than so be it then you tell her what happened. You don’t need that drama in your life move on and worry about your baby.
You get that child support Screw That bullsht oh you’re ruining his life?? Hello he should’ve been honest!!
I say drop him and raise her on your own. I wish I would’ve. All the drama is not worth it. Karma will get him in the long run. And it will eat at him everyday for not being there for a child that he helped create.
Let His Wife Know. He Is A Dog Either Way You Look At It. Your Child Deserves A Father. I Would Definitely Make Him Pay Child Support. You Have To Decide If You Want Your Child In His Life. But I Would Defense Hold Him Responsible For His Actions. It Takes 2 To Make A Baby. He Seems To Be A Lying Dog 
Child support. He need to man the hell up.
File for child support make him think twice about trying to repopulate the earth while married
My ex boyfriend from way back is a secret child. His father’s wife and other kids no nothing of him. It has made him very bitter and sad. He has so many issues stemming from it. I reckon you should tell his wife or force him to. The Child deserves a relationship with the father. At least you can tell your child you tried if it doesn’t work out. Good luck
I was the wife in this position had no idea and didn’t find out til ages later, once we were broken up. As much as it hurt to find out man I feel so sorry for that chick and the baby, she genuinely had no idea he was married and had kids and she fell for him. When she told him he told her get rid of it I want nothing to do with you blocked her and changed his number…I often wonder what happened there and if my children and hers will ever have a relationship, he has nothing to do with the child, doesn’t even acknowledge the fact that he has another child
File for sole custody n protect yourself n baby , get the child support baby she deserves it !! He cheated n now wants to hide things? Bullsht that’s not your fault it’s His and he ruined his marriage/life by adultery !! His Fault not yours !!!
Problem is you can’t force him to see your baby guys suck. They say pretty word and gives false promise sometimes. You must think about this if you force him and keep forcing what happens when you stop and he doesn’t try to see her because you no longer feel like forcing. You have a broken hearted little one wondering why daddy doesn’t want to see her. Its heartbreaking
You can totally raise her yourself.
If he wants to co tribute, set up a bank account in her name and he can deposit into there for her future.
You need to put your big girl panties on for your daughters sake, put him on CS, tell his wife yourself if you need too. You need to lead by example for your daughter you’re raising a woman make sure she grows up secured and with dignity
When you file for child support they serve the man with the papers so that he has to sign to get them so the chances of his wife knowing sumn is up is probably why he said u were ruining his life… honestly save everything every text every call and also please know that child support and custody are not the same just because you receive child support doesn’t mean you have to send your kid to them for visitation child support does not have anything to do with that. Visitation is ordered by a judge in custody court. Prepare to save money though bc it’s likely you will be going at some point b4 a judge to decide custody and visitation any text messages emails whatever you have will greatly help you and most judges 99% would not rule that you send your infant across state lines to a household that could be potentially dangerous as you dont know the wife. It’s a mess consult a lawyer boo
I’m in/was in this exact situation. My daughter is 18 months old and has seen her dad once. File for child support-it will mean something to her when she’s older, knowing he provided. And it’s not your problem if his life is ruined. Actions have consequences. Be strong mama!
He damn well knew he was married and still got with you. Now you got pregnant and had the baby and he’s no where to be seen what an ass! So go and get you’re daughter’s rights because he didn’t care about cheating on his wife and getting you pregnant why should you’re daughter lose her rights when he helped make her again what a shit!
Don’t be afraid of him if the truth comes that’s his problem not yours maybe his wife needs to see him what for he really is going round having kids and then not even providing or giving any emotional or physical support to the mother. Get in touch with CS and get the ball rolling what happens with his married life that’s his problem you keep strong and tell him be there for his daughter or pay up.
The guy wants to be in his child’s life. Let him know his child. You on the other hand are not a priority to him. Don’t use your child as a weapon against him. File for child support and let him see his child as often as possible. If that’s not workable, have a mature no shouting serious talk about how both of you are going to live with the situation. At the end of the day, whether he comes around or not, you should raise your child to know that they are important, loved, valued and cherished.
Force him to walk away? Girl, good luck with that.
I’ve watched far to many homicide shows to pull that kind of stunt… women and kids go missing for less.
You don’t know his wife and that is a huge grey area…she may keep him and suggest he walk away from you…you ready for that scenario?
Raise the kid on your own. Find a man that will love that baby as his own.
You did not conceive your daughter alone. He should not get a choice on how much money he wants to send you. He could choose to not send you anything. It is his fault for cheating. He ruined his marriage once his wife finds out. Let him be apart of your daughter’s life if he chooses to be, which it doesn’t sound like he will be involved much since he lives in a different state. So yes, file for child support. Grow a backbone hun. Let him get mad.
The wife needs to know and he needs to financially support the child he created. Simple as that.
If your little one came to you with this issue what would you tell her. Look at that little face and think how much you love her and what you would want her to do. That would be best for her and her child. Now, give yourself that same love and follow the advice you would give her
Honestly as a woman come clean its bot ur fault that he lied to the booths of u and keep that piece of shit on child support I know what u mean when u say u dont want or need his money…but the money isn’t yours its hers for the things she needs … I say tell her bc he may not have entirely fucked ur life over but ur not the oy one who he has affected hes affected his own his wife’s and the kids they possibly have … I say come clean and keep doing what u had done … cuz ur gunna be living g with a lot of regret and anger. Trust me I know y will plus ur daughter will ask alot of questions and hold u responsibly accoumatble for ur action even tho u hadn’t don anything wrong besides ask him if he had a whole other life behind his life as a business man … I stick to coming clean but I dunno were all different … I’d think about my baby girl and the other woman he took fucking vows to stay truthful faith dull the the good bad and the ugly and is living like he didn’t do shit to the both of u women . This peice of shit dosent deserve either of u not the child sorry not sorry
I’d just ask for money and then not see him. Such a bad man.
I’d turn up on his doorstep asking why he’s messing your daughter about. 
Thing is too, his wife would probably be appauled not because of what he’s done necessarily, but that he’s messing his child about
No your not wrong just remember that’s your child and you know what best for her
I’d file for child support again, if he can’t grow some balls and tell his poor wife that his a piece of shit she will soon find out then hopefully leave his pathetic ass so there shouldn’t be anything stopping him seeing his child
Exactly what Carly said. I had a baby at 21, found out 6 months into it he is still married till this day and my child is now 9. There has been everything you stated. From CS anger, to saying he wants to see our kid, then never around. Then he isnt its your fault. Like wtf. Go for the CS. Kids may not always be expensive or money may not matter, but the fact is you’re going to need it. Stay strong
His wife deserves to know, and he needs to be responsible for supporting his child. File for CS and give him the option to be in his child’s life the RIGHT way. If his wife leaves, that’s on him, but your child deserves more than to be put second because they’re a secret love child.
File for custody, file for child support, his actions are not your fault. If he didn’t want his wife to find out he shouldn’t have cheated on her… Your a person, not a secret. If he was honest with you up front, then that’s one thing… but clearly he wasn’t. He’s so selfish.
Supervised visits. She deserves to know who her father is, even if he is a liar. Take the money and run. The money is important for your daughter.
File for child support and forget about screwing up his life. He did it to himself. He took advantage of a situation lied to you and his wife and now he wants to play a game of Where’s Daddy with your child that will eventually end with him not showing up at all anymore.
Say fuck his life he screwed it up himself and do what you got to for your child.
refile its not about you put that money in a savings account for her to use when she’s older.
File for child support also it’s her and his issue there marriage you and your daughter got dragged into this your most likely not the first and you most likely won’t be the last fuck her and fuck him she is not your problem she is his your child is your problem get child support…
If he is being like that just go through courts and try to file a protection order against him due the way he was before when you filed… or just walk away
File for child support and cut off all communication with him since you know he likes to blame you for the mess he’s caused. It’s just manipulation… it’s not fair to you or your kid at this point and I’m sure it’s only causing you additional stress that you don’t need 
… I was born off infidelity where my dad lied to my mom also he was military… and trust me in these situations it’s best not to force communication or visitation it does nothing but hurt the child in the long run. File for child support and be down with it he will either come around or he won’t.
Cut communication. My daughters father was like this, although unmarried. Kept her hidden from his haram of desperate women and the other army officers he works with. Narcissism is incurable. Don’t doom your daughter to a life time of feeling she isn’t good enough for a shit man. Cut communication and move forward
Unreal how u say WAS married instead of IS married!
File for CS n fess up to his wife… with DNA available so readily it’s gonna come out eventually…it may take decades but IT WILL HAPPEN!
Take your baby and move without telling him, he’s not on the birth certificate so bonus. If you don’t want to file for child support and he only wants this child secretly, its time to cut off from him and move on. My suggestion is take your daughter and move.
So many good comments here.I will just say don’t allow him to intimidate you.Stand your ground everytime but take your time and think your decisions through
This not about you or the “father.” It’s about that baby you 2 created. You do what is honestly best for the baby. It doesn’t matter if your feelings or his gets hurt.
Youre not destroying his life, HE DID THAT. Babies dont come out of thin air. Its not up to you to receive child support. If you dont need it, put in an account for college or when she wants to buy a house. Screw his liffe, the child is what is important. His wife is an adult, she needs to know. Your daughter may have siblings etc and a whole other family she deserves to know. Its not about you or him. Its about her. Stop being timid when it comes to her!!!
He ruined your life with a child you had not planned for and dont want you to ruin his? Get child support let his wife know and just think you might not be the only one. Remember the milk man got blamed for lots of kids and some were probably his.
And also now might be the time to look into a concealed carry license if he is a total jerk
Secret and lies don’t end well. It’s not right for your daughter or the wife to find out later. I wouldn’t care about his feelings I would do what’s right and go for child support and set up visits. Let him take care of his mess, you have a daughter to take care of
Ma’am put on your big girl panties and do what’s best for the child. File for that child support. You didn’t make that baby by yourself. You’re not ruining his life, he is. So file for support, move on and live your life. And when he tries to weasel his way back in your life, ignore.
Lol…typical of all these women to scream get “child support”… you chose to have this baby…and you also chose to to NOT put him on the birth certificate…so you cant just get child support…you also chose to have sex and a baby with a man you clearly knew nothing about without any protection…and going out of your way to tell the wife is just being vindictive because he didnt choose you in the end…woman up and deal with the mess you made and raise your child on your own. With no more drama
He destroyed his own life by cheating. But here’s the thing, if you decide to file for cs you are opening up to a custody battle. Are you willing to share your daughter 50/50 with this man? If no, Block all social media & change your phone number.
Take his ass to court and get your child support! F him! He ruined his life when we cheated on his wife and got you pregnant! You and your baby deserve support, after all it took the two of you to make her!
Personally? Cut him off 100% she doesn’t need him
Do what you think is best think of it in the long run on how she’s going to feel about not knowing about her father, think about the resentment he might give her if things blow up with his wife and you have to share 50/50, can you live without her half the time will he make your life hell for his doing?
Cut all ties with the manipulating narcissist. You and your child will be better off with NOTHING from him. Even taking him for cs it’s one more thing he can use over your head. You didn’t put him on the bc,good on you, neither did I… I raised my 2 daughters with ZERO support or visitation from their dad because he would blame and manipulate everything and use anything he did for kiddos against me, 8y in court and I signed off on zero support and he walked away. Hasn’t seen em in years and the girls have flourished… worry about you and your baby.
He most definitely knew he was married when he was sleeping with you so fuck his feelings. He isn’t really even a factor you need to worry about. I as a single mother have chosen not to involve the courts in my life because quite frankly I don’t really think they make anything better for anyone. However, you most definitely deserve his financial support if he doesn’t want to physically be there. I personally would just file and then forget he exists. You can’t force anyone to be a parent. People do things out of spite. What if he wants to have visitation with his child and wants to take the baby out of state to his and his wife’s home? Are you going to be ok and accepting of that? It’s half his child but you can’t and shouldn’t even waste your time trying to force him to be a parent. It isn’t worth it in the end and you will just cause yourself more of a headache trying to force him to be there for the baby if he doesn’t want to be. Just raise your baby and whatever he chooses to do that’s on him. Mamas baby daddy’s maybe… File the support order and move on with your life.
Your daughter deserves better than that. Find someone else that will be a real father too her. It sounds like her dad wants to be in the picture when it’s convenient but doesnt want his wife to find out. Do what’s best for your daughter, not you or him.
If he wants to see his daughter let him. He isn’t abusive he isn’t on drugs or anything like that yes he cheated on his wife but that’s still a right sight better then him being a dead beat drug fucked non existent father. Don’t cut him off just because he doesn’t wanna cut ties with his wife that child is not leverage he made his mess he can fix it that’s not up to you to decide as long as he wants to be in his daughters life who cares what he does with his other life
He knew he was married when he made that baby no point in worrying now. Do what you have to to take fare of that baby.
Wait… So YOU told him to walk away to SPARE his wife… You told him that. Then YOU chose to keep him off the birth certificate, etc… And only now that YOU want/need Child support, you dont want to let your dauvhter have a relationship with HER father… See how stupid that sounds… You chose to lay down with a man you knew nothing about, have a child and now want to say he cannot have anything to do with her. Doing what’s best for that child is allowing her to her have BOTH parents… Apply for child support, and set up visitation, because your daughter deserves it.
Girl get that child support! He made his choices when he laid with you. That women deserves to know for one. Also, kids are expensive and your child deserves the help. Thats not for you or him or a out either of you. Thats for and about the child only. Child support and custody. Get those two things. Protect your child with custody papers. You never know when he is going to get so mad that you “ruined his life” and try to ruin yours.
He wants his cake and candy too! Two families, one in secret out of state that doesn’t require any work for him. If you don’t need him financially, move on. You’re not going to get more than a visiting stranger for your child and heartbreak every time he comes and goes. Build a better life with your daughter and a chance to find a real honest relationship
Go it alone, you got this. Focus on her. Forget him. And screen your suitors better next time unless you’re prepared to do it alone again.
Girl, file for child support and if he want to sign away his rights by all means he can. Most states won’t allow him to financially abandon her until after you remarry and she is adopted by another man. YOU WILL BE A BETTER MOM EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY IF YOU GET FINANCIAL HELP TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR DAUGHTER. This isn’t about him it’s about your relationship with her. No support means less time with her physically bc you’ll be working. You didn’t know he was married, don’t punish yourself for HIS mistake!
Just get the child support and move on. I personally think you’d be sparing your daughter a lot of heartbreak and trouble if he’s not in her life at all. He seems manipulative and obviously is a cheater- he probably cheats every single time he goes on business or whatever he was there for. You just gotta get your money, not give a shit about the reprocussions he faces and move on with your life. Forget about him. YOU need to take responsibility for this situation as well. You did choose to lay with a man you didn’t know- and have his baby regardless. Don’t let your daughter be his dirty little secret. And honestly- I don’t know why you’d even want him in her life at all. It seems to me that you don’t even really know the guy. You will be a better mother if you just take the money you need and move on. And be CAREFUL next time you lay down with someone. This is a situation you both created- whether he’s the “bad” guy or not. Hes utterly meaningless- keep it that way.
if he wants IN, then that includes being financially supportive. you arent ruining SHIT. he ruined his OWN life by having an affair that resulted in a pregnancy. he’s being a lil bitch ass. i understand not wanting to look money hungry but he helped make that baby. the literal least he could do is have his checks garnished for child support. ik you said you dont like conflict, but id threaten to tell his wife ¯_(ツ)_/¯ be messy. this is your BABY. she deserves to know her other parent but do not let him tell YOU how things are gonna go. you’re in charge mama. he’ll never take you for custody (so long as his wife is unaware), so you got that going for you
Not meaning to be blunt but if he wanted to see your baby girl he would. If he wanted to leave his wife he would. Taking both his and his wife’s lives into your own hands is not okay. Cut your losses and do what’s right for your daughter - get rid of him.
He has clearly chosen his wife over your daughter why would you want someone in her life who doesn’t put her first like she should be anyway? And if you really think ending his marriage will make him be apart of her life you need to take into account that he will blame you, end up resenting you and really not want to be in her life. Also take the wife’s feelings into consideration… it’s not his life you’ll be ruining, he did that on his own. It’s hers you’ll be ruining