Hello. I am in a dilemma and do not know how to handle this. So I was hooking up with this guy in March and ended up pregnant exactly a month later. I had two pregnancy losses two years ago back to back, so I honestly thought I couldn’t have kids anymore. I am 10 weeks today. Well, the Father failed to tell me he was still with his ex-fiancé, and he said he had sex with me to get back at her for moving her real child’s Father into her home briefly. He’s telling me she’s going to be around because he took on the role of the Dad of her youngest son. I guess the boy calls him Dad and all. Apparently, they tried to get pregnant, and they couldn’t, and I guess she had a miscarriage in the process at one point in time. The real Father is not there. I am keeping the child regardless of the situation. I do not want my child around her or her children at all. I refuse to be cool with her and allow her to buy anything for my baby, hold my baby; I don’t want any of that. Am I selfish, or is that just me being protective like I should? I had no idea about her at all when we had sex. I just really don’t know what to do. I wanted to go to the extreme of getting a No Contact order because I feel like she’s telling her children they have a sibling on the way since they technically never broke up. This is very embarrassing for me as well, but I got a blessing out of the situation. He says they’re not together anymore because he found out that she was having sex with her real child’s Father and the miscarriage might’ve been from him, and then she blamed it on my child’s Father. Please, ladies, I need advice on how to handle the situation. He said he’s going to be there for me every day and raise the baby with me, but we will not be together, which is fine with me because I do not want that drama.
You dont want her around why? Does she have a history of hurting children? Shes done nothing to you you slept with her fiancé knowingly or not and you seem to be upset with her and not him. You should be thankful this woman is kind and accepting of your child when given the situation she could be nasty towards you and your unborn child but shes even telling her children that they will be having a sibling. My advice is suck it up and let as many people love this child as possible . You sound bitter and as a mom to be its a terrible trait to have
He lied to you and you’re worried about her for what reason? Does she have a history of abusing children? Why do you even want him involved?
Uhm, so you think you should deprive your child of the opportunity to know their siblings because their father didn’t tell you he was in a relationship? That’s kind of messed up.
Grow up you will not have a choice and if the baby’s dad is raising the other kid as his own or has kids with her they have a right to know their siblings. You sound very insecure about someone that did nothing wrong or to you or anyone get to know her she will be in your kid life if they have kids or are together and keeping a child from its father cuz he is with someone else or for any reason other than to protect the child you do not sound protective you sound jealous and insecure imo
GIRL! I’m sorry but too bad. You can’t get a no contact order without good reason and proof of danger to you. That’s absurd. Your not being protective your being immature. It’s not that woman’s fault that her fiancé cheated on her and got some side piece woman pregnant. You have a right to be angry at him but NOT with her. Regardless of what happened, there is a baby involved now. If your pregnancy is successful, that child will need both parents. Unfortunately for you, if that father decides to pursue legal rights of the baby which he has every right to do, you have no say so in her being around your baby, especially since they are getting married. You need to seriously rethink your approach to this situation. You need to get on decent civil terms with his fiancé at some point because she’s going to be around whether you like it or not. She’s going to be the one to help him take care of your baby. The courts will order him visitation and he has every right to take the baby to his home with his fiancé when it’s his visitation time. They will order him to pay you child support too. I promise you, getting along with both of them, being a responsible and mature adult and mother should be your main priority and part of that is being civil with them both and learning to co parent with him and if they get married your going to have to co parent with her at times too. Trust me, I have to do it and so does almost every other woman I know that is no longer with the father. Please rethink how your approaching this situation. Please try to look at this situation with a more positive and motherly outlook. When your a mother, you have to set aside your own feelings, jealousy and pettiness and put the child’s best interest first. That baby needs all the loving people it can get. If he’s going to marry her, you are in for a very rude awakening if you think you have that much power over your child. That baby has rights too and so does the baby’s father. As bad as we may want to control things in an immature petty way, we can’t. You will learn this either by choice or the hard way. Things will go so much smoother if you approach things with a more positive and mature mindset. I respect that your reaching out for advice, that’s the first step to changing the way your thinking and feeling. That woman is hurting worse than you I assure you. She has much more time and emotions invested in that man not to mention a child that is already here calling him Daddy. Her and her child are suffering from his bad choices just as you are, if anything you should feel for her and relate to her. It’s not her fault babe, she’s done absolutely nothing wrong nor has her child. I really hope you accept my advice and the advice of other mothers and use it to help mold your decisions and actions from her. I respect you for keeping the baby too, good for you! That baby is coming for a reason. You can do this. Just breathe, relax, rethink your approach and be more positive about it all.
At the end of the day? Him being the father? He has as many rights as you do. He can’t tell you who you can take his child around. You won’t be able to say who he can take the child around. It should have been more careful who you got pregnant by. After your pregnant? Doesn’t matter. The kid comes first. And as long as neither parent are toxic or harmful to that kid directly? You don’t have the right to stop any relationship fostered by a parent.
That woman from what you have shared? Has done nothing to harm your child.
You’re being selfish. If she isn’t a criminal or going to hurt your child who cares? I have a stepson who I love as if he was my own. And I have a son with his father. Don’t be a bitter baby mama just so what’s best for the baby. Hope it works out.
Don’t put the father on the birth certificate, fuck what anyone says or thinks. Sure, he can still be a part of the childs life and be a father to them, but if it’s a situation where this ex fiance wouldn’t be a good person to be around your child, you can protect him/her if you’re the only one with parental rights. You will call all the shots. Trust me, I should’ve done this with my first baby. If you’re feeling like you need to protect your child from this person, then you need to go with your maternal instinct, don’t care who gets mad or who thinks what. It’s absolutely your choice. Don’t listen to ANYONE telling you this is a package deal. This is your baby, momma. Do what you have to do.
I’m confused? You say she’s his fiancée and then you say they’re not together anymore? He’s the father of the child if you guys are not gonna be together you need to prepare for him to have other relationships. The only thing that should matter is that that person or persons around your child loves them and treats them well. Don’t deny your child love from someone because if something petty. It never works out in the long run.
Don’t put his name on the birth certificate
Get tf over it. You want a father for your baby she’s part of that package. Yea you’re sounding selfish, immature, amd probably gonna be one of those baby mamas we see savage memes about. You seriously need to rethink your priorities. Because right now you just sound bitter. You’d rather punish your kid than deal with the consequences of YOUR decisions.
You’re not being protective. You’re being unreasonable
Listen carefully and don’t listen to the holier than thou people, if you don’t want her around YOUR baby that’s fine, but realize if they are still together that will most likely mean that he will not come around either, so be prepared if you put that bondery in place there will most likely be that consequence, but you do what you think you have to for you and your baby.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I got pregnant by someone who was in a relationship and I do not want his fiance around my child: Advice?
If he gets visitation or partial custody, she’ll be around the baby. Not understanding what’s wrong with her that you feel this way towards her.
Your child deserves a relationship with its dad. Is what he did wrong, yes. But don’t be bitter bc of it.
If her kids are in his life then they’re going to be in your child’s life. Period. Stop making it into something weird.
When he takes u to court for visitation rights u won’t have a choice in the matter
What did she do to you? Seems a little petty to say all those things about a woman who was in the dark as much as u were. Ask your self why your so angry with her… your not being protective at all… definitely need to work through ur stuff because he will find someone else and you cannot tell him who he can have around the baby as long as the baby is safe
Girl you are the drama lol unless she’s dangerous I say grow up.
Quit being bitter. Eventually she will be around the baby and it’s not that big of a deal.
I agree with all of the above
Yeah I’m sorry dont deny the baby of love. If she gave you a legit reason like child abuse or something I’d be understanding but that’s not the case. You have to squash your feelings and understand that’s his life and a judge would tell you the same thing. Sounds harsh but it is what it is. Sorry he did that to you but that baby needs its daddy too!
He did wrong, yes. But baby deserves to have a relationship with his/her dad. And him cheating, is not on her so I’m not sure what she has did to you. Nothing in your story lays the blame at her feet for you getting pregnant.
If she and her children are willing to love your child as their own, GOOD!! Every child benefits from having more people live them. Don’t be a selfish bitter baby mama.
You can’t get a no contact order just because you don’t like her. That’s not how it works.
Maybe be careful who you sleep with
Yeah U are selfish and jealous u can’t keep his wife away why would you want to long as she treats the baby the same as hers now if she being mean then he’ll no but use protection for one night stand to late to cry now I’m harsh but I’m real
Youshouldn’t be having a child if you want to use it as a pawn to get your way🤷♀️
Omg. 
She did not do anything wrong to you. You cannot control who he dates or lives with. Best get ready to do some maturing or you WILL have drama, because you are causing it.
Tooooo late about not wanting the drama.we all make choices, sometimes not smart ones then we have to live with them. All you need to worry about is how you take care of your child.since you arent married to the childs dad you wont have any say in who he has around the child.
So yeah you’re being selfish. Is she a bad person? Seems like you’re taking your mistake out on her. What if she’s an amazing bonus mom to your kid? And regardless of what you want those kids your child’s dad raises are siblings. It is what it is. And it takes a village. Get over yourself!
Wow you are being very unreasonable. Be mad at him but she did nothing. Since its his baby as well he can have whoever he wants around the child when he he has access unless there is more to this?
I hope your kid doesn’t grow up to be like you. That is all.
You are being petty. Let your child have as much love in this world as it can possibly get!
I think you should grow up a lot before you have that baby! She didn’t do anything wrong. Maybe you should take the time to get to know her and as for her child that he claims you shouldn’t be taking anything out on a child
If shes not a bad parent/role model then yes you are selfish your main concern should be that that child has a happy loving life with hopefully both parents whether or not you and him are together or hes with her.Long as she treats your child good that’s what matters, I know him not being upfront with you sucks and that’s on him but that’s in the past now
What has she done to you?! Nothing it seems… you’re just mad that she gets to keep the cheating ass. He’s the father and when it’s his time with his child that child can be around his family, it’s not your choice… like what if he turned around and said he doesn’t want your child around a new boyfriend?? So you’ll never get a new boyfriend the rest of your life?? It works both ways…
Don’t sleep with men who are in a relationship would be my best advise but since you wanna be one of the many that’s out there who cannot support this rule I guess you and dude’s woman better learn to coexist and don’t make that baby suffer over your immaturity
Why you mad at her? She sounds like the most mature one in this whole situation. Grow up
Not for nothing Love, but it’s not her fault that you’re baby daddy is a p.o.s, so she shouldn’t be treated as such.
She literally hasn’t done any wrong in any of this, so why is she the issue? Are you worried your baby will want to be with them as they have a family and not you? You seem a little selfish or just very insecure and lost as to how this all works. The best way to make decisions for your child is to take your emotions out of it and do what’s best for the child!
jus leave her alone…you’re protecting your kid. She doesn’t have any rights for your kid. Anyways it is always up to you noone can’t decide what you should do…if your protecting your kid then protect your kid. Hugs and prayers sent.
Wow. Its like days of our lives.
I quit after agreeing with so many post, don’t be selfish if they want to love your child in the correct manner.
You sound ridiculous, absolutely atrocious… grow up before you have that child please… For the sake of your kid, I hope you mature.
It sounds like she’s actually excited about the baby…. Sounds like you have some growing up to do.
One shouldn’t have been with him in the first place 2 that’s not your decision. If he marries her your stuck with her.
I’m just curious as to what’s wrong with having extra bonus parents for your kids damn I wish my kids father stepped up for anything but no when he stepped out I stepped in and still to this day help raise those children and do more for them then he ever will don’t be petty learn to accept it
Do you have a reason to hate her in such way to not allow her to be there for your baby. You sound bitter she should be the one who don’t want you around. If she’s gonna be good to your child then I don’t see why you would have an issue. Id rather someone who would love my child as they do their own rather than someone who is gonna hate them cuz the child came from her husband cheating. You won’t be able to decide anyways that woman’s husband is the father and if he wants her around and stays with her than you won’t have a say whether she’s around or not.
You are being incredibly selfish and childish. Your baby is innocent and you are making damaging decisions for him or her.
It’s not her fault he did the wrong thing. She could be a great step parent to your child which is a real blessing these days and your child deserve to have the chance to have a father in its life. Stop being childish, grow up and put your baby first
You sound dumb. Go in the woods with ur kid- no one has to be around him🙄
Girl, I understand the situation is messed up but why hate her? That’s all on him for not telling you. I understand having reservations with your child being around another woman but wouldn’t you rather your child be overly loved and have extra parents than cut her dad out because of YOUR feelings. Sounds pretty immature to me 
Should of did your research first before jumping in bed with him spesh doing it unprotected. She didn’t know about you so don’t be a dick to her be a dick to him for being a lieing cunt js🤷🏼♀️
Grow up. You are mad he lied. Should have used protection. But he’s the dad. You don’t get to dictate who he has around the child period. I don’t get why women do that. The girl is the victim. Not you or the child. The more live the better. Grow up. Get therapy. You now have a child you have to share and this women will be in childs life
You sound immature. Why are you mad at her? None of this is her fault. Next time do a better job of getting to know the person you’re sleeping with?
I’m confused of why she can’t be around your baby? She didn’t know her man was sleeping around on her. It sounds like your jealous of her .
Takes a village to raise a child. Its not her fault, its the dudes. Sounds like you are just pissed that he’s with her. You dont need to be with the father. The more love the merrier. But children should be allowed both parents as long as there is no abuse, the reason cant just be ohhhh i dont like the girl. Have you even met her?
Well it’s not your choice. The child is half yours and half his. During his time, she’ll be around and able to care for the baby. You don’t really get a legal say.
You sound extremely bitter. The other woman did absolutely nothing to you and was just as in the dark about everything as you were. The fact that you want a no contact order for the sole reason that you got played is extremely childish and petty.
I’m sorry, but there is unborn child in this situation and that will become a child. How can you be so immature about all of this! Do what is best for the child not what is best for you!!!
Wow 
. Grow up. It’s not all about you anymore. Unless she is physically abusive, on drugs or an alcoholic why would you feel that way other than to manipulate or control someone because you are not happy with the situation you are in.
You sound bitter that he’s with her and not you. Grow up.
Wow….what a mess. My opinion is that just because you have a personal thing against the fiancé doesn’t make her a bad person, or a bad mom. I think that if she’s excited and willing to embrace your child then you should look at the positive side of that regardless of your current feelings towards her. As time passes you might be pleasantly surprised with this relationship and the beauty that could unravel from this mess. Wishing you a healthy and well pregnancy and I hope you approach the rest with an open mind 
How is this her fault! He didn’t disclose that to you or her. Shes a victim in this. If you want your child to have a father shes going to be around. Deal with it and grow up before you have this child please. The more love and support your child has the better. He lied and used you she didn’t.
Ur selfish & trying to use the baby already 
if he took her child in as his own then stop referring to the child as someone else’s just to try and make yourself feel better… That’s HIS child too. He loves his partner obviously and u just sound like a bitter person.
Just keep his name off the birth certificate and you will b gine
Sounds like you need to grow up🤷♀️
So… You had unprotected sex with her bf and your really gunna act like she’s the bad guy?? Seems like there is too much hate for you to have not known about her before you slept with him lol. Seems like you may be mad he went back to her.
I really hope this is not from a real person
Why are you mad at her? 
she didn’t do anything
I don’t understand why you’re so against her when she didn’t do anything to you. He did. He’s already lied to you about being with her, so more than likely he’s still lying to you about what kind of person she is. He’s the one you should be mad at. I feel sorry for this innocent baby because the situation is complete drama and it’s not because of the other woman, it’s because of you and baby daddy.
That’s very selfish of you. She did nothing to you, that’s all on him. Remember it is a lot more harder on her than it is on you. Your child is the only one that matters in this situation and you shouldn’t deny your child to see the father simply because you don’t like the girl he cheated on with you, all because he doesn’t want to be with you. Let’s be real here that’s why you’re mad mad. None of this is her fault, you better be glad she’s even being accepting of you and your baby.
Grow up before you have a child!!!
Why? Out of everything you’ve said, all that I gather is that you’re jealous of her… Nothing points to her or him being unfit to be around children, he’ll have rights and those rights include him being able to decide who is around the child when the child is with him because parents that are fit to care for children get to make that decision. It all sounds like a whole mess of drama all the way around, I feel for any child having to grow up in the situation with any of you
if someone who is willing to be a part of your child’s life and love the child then you should allow it. If she is unable to have more children she would probably love the idea of having another one around. Don’t be so selfish.
Since they will not be together, assuming he is telling the truth, there is no reason for her to ever have to be around your child except for when their shared children are with him and so is your child, if they have any shared children that is. I don’t see anything wrong with her buying stuff for your baby if that’s what she wants.Honestly I’ll take all the free stuff lol.You also have to look at it from her perspective because she is or was the fiancé.She was also cheated on but she is accepting your child as her children’s sibling and isn’t being petty or mean.
It’s not her fault or her children’s that he’s not an honest man… you shouldn’t be angry with her, she got screwed over too 
it’s a bad situation but you guys could form a decent relationship in spite of the dude.
I’m confused….why are you so mad at her?? He is the jerk. You are being petty
If I was in this situation I’d hope that this women would be able to accept my child knowing her man cheated and got this baby while they were together. If he’s a good dad he would make sure the baby is taken care of no matter who they are around.
You should probably know more about someone’s situation before allowing them to get you pregnant. If anything you should be upset with dude who lied to you and deceived not only the female he’s with but YOU as well. You sound bitter as hell… and miserable lol you’re bringing an innocent child into a real messy situation, girl. 
Well, umm all he’d really have to do is go get a visitation order in place. A judge isn’t going to care how you feel about your kid about being around his current girlfriend as long as she’s a decent person. If you don’t like her that’s your problem, really has nothing to do with the baby. When women or men play these silly games the only person who gets hurt in the end is the child.
Just be happy the dad wants to step up and take responsibility. If you two aren’t together, you have no say in who he is with.
Yikes. I agree with everyone else.
Grow up miss girl 🤦🏽♀😂
Child he ain’t gone be with you because he don’t want to be! And he most likely ain’t really gone be in yo child life. So stop worrying about her and making a random woman, who you both sharing a triflin man, the enemy when HE IS. Y’all women trip me out always trying to make a bad man the hero and the woman the problem
I really don’t like judging others but yes you’re selfish, and no you’re not ready to be a mother.
I am sorry for all of you. Good luck. Pray about your situation.
Next time fuck somebody who ain’t in a relationship 
#problemsolved
sounds like you all are sick in the head
You have no choice he is dad unless you move and lose all contact which could get you in trouble in the long run
This woman was also victimized by this asshole, she’s not the bad guy SMH. You claim you “don’t want drama” but it seems like you’re going out of your way to create it. Grow up.
So he lied to you about his situation, but you’re mad at her and don’t want her around your child, even though nowhere in your post does it say that she has any ill will or animosity towards your baby? Ok, got it.
You’re 10 weeks and have about 30 more weeks to figure it out. I wouldn’t stress until it’s time. Hell, they may not be together by the time your baby is born.
They probably didn’t want you around their fiance, but here we are🤷♂️
You sound like a nightmare. You don’t want drama but you are causing it and already using your child as a tool. Grow up. You had sex with someone and are now pregnant. They have rights including having other people in the child’s life when they have the child. As long as the child isn’t being harmed in any way, you have no say. Maybe instead of being ridiculous, you should be thankful your child will have extra people around who love them.
I think you have some major growing up to do before that baby of yours is born. If this woman wants to be there and love that child then what’s so wrong with that?
If I were you I’d honestly just hope she’d be able to accept my child knowing that it’s HER fiancé’s baby. 
(But I know you didn’t know about their relationship prior)
Honestly, even if they weren’t in one it’s still kind of weird because if you’re lucky enough to come across a gf/bf (of your child’s other parent) that cares for them and can love & nurture them like no other when it’s the other parents time, why complain.