I have came to the realization over the summer that I’m becoming bitter and resentful toward my husband and he doesn’t even realize it. I feel lonely in parenting and even more so in marriage. This makes me sad.
I’m a SAHM of a 4 yr old with special needs (I’m still working at accepting this) and a 1 yr old who does not sleep through the night yet.
My husband and I have been together for 13years. In the beginning we went places and did things together but as the years pass it becomes less and less. At first I just thought it was normal that we could do our own thing but then along came the children and I started to take on the attitude that he is the one missing out not me but now I’m hurt because he attends nothing. I get my kids pictures done 1 to 2 times a year and he refuses to come along for a family photo because that’s just “f’in stupid” I’ve taken the kids to the fair, the zoo, a few animal parks, an amusement park without him. He refuses to participate. Our family time includes usually one meal a day and a ride around our property in the evening. In the last 20 months we’ve been in a restaurant once together with our children and I don’t think we have been out to eat alone in over 2 years, unless you count a hospital cafeteria while our child was in surgery; if he even goes with me to the hospital for our child’s medical procedures, he usually stays in the parking garage. I coordinate and transport our child to all therapy sessions, manage grocery shopping, child care things from bath to bedtime almost all house hold chores (occasionally he cooks but does not clean up). Even the last two years he has opted out of Christmas at my parents.
I get sad when i see other families getting family pictures or hear about them going on an adventure together because I’m almost certain it’s never going to happen for us. I recently rsvp’d to not attend an extended family members wedding because I’m sick of going to this stuff alone.
He works full time, runs a small hobby farm, grows a large portion of our food, takes his days off and vacation time to work with another family member doing general construction work. I get no free time away from the kids because they are with me 24/7. Other parts of our marriage are also suffering. I think he would also would be considered an alcoholic, consuming atleast 2 cases of beer or more a week.
Are my expectations to high? Am I asking for to much to have more involvement from him? I think about 1 corinthians 13 4-8 and wounder if I’m just creating a records of wrongs? Is this normal family behavior. I’ve considered leaving but I’m concerned that he’d try to take my kids away from me? Or the dangerous situations he would put them in(which I’m able to prevent now)because it was his time. Or if I’d be making things harder on myself having to attain housing and chase a paycheck. We have always be in agreement that our children would not attend day care. My youngest has never even been away from me for more than a few hours.
I feel like we are running parallel lives or something. There is me and the kids and him and work.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I guess I'm here for an attitude adjustment - Mamas Uncut
I have been exactly where you are. My son has learning disabilities but he’s not considered special needs to where he needs 24/7 care. However, I raised my kids alone, with no help, while he did his thing and I did mine. He would never participate in anything the kids and I wanted to do. Never attended school activities they were involved in. So I get it. Mine was also an alcoholic. I resented him so much that I stopped sleeping in the same bed…even the same room. For years we slept apart. Then, the resentment became so strong that I cut off everything, including communication because it wasn’t worth the fights anymore. He wouldn’t have a discussion about how me or the kids felt, he refused to change anything. So, since I was doing it all on my own anyway, I told him to get out. He wasn’t doing anything positive for our family. He was drinking away our finances and hindering us. So he had to go. By that point, I couldn’t stand to even look at him. So here’s the decision you have to make…try to talk to him, tell him how you and the kids feel…if he refuses to talk, calls you crazy, or tells you that it’s all in your head, then you need to decide if he’s even worth it anymore. You’re doing it all now as it is. If you can’t work it out, the resentment is only going to fester and get stronger until it becomes almost a hatred. Counseling may help if you can get him to go.
That was my life…literally. He worked and he drank beer. Would not go out. (Unless he went alone) Anywhere. Would not help with our handicapped son. Would sit outside drinking so he didn’t have to talk. The list is endless. So one day i gave him what he wanted. As soon as he left for work I put everything i owned I could get in the car, packing floor to ceiling took my son and moved 100’s of miles away and never looked back. Later married my soul mate who changed my and my son’s life. You have to do you. Only you will know when enough is enough. God’s blessings to you.
You said you are still trying to accept your child, maybe that’s his struggle too and the 2 cases of beer help shut it out. Lots of support groups out there. Talk to your child’s doctor. I’m sure they can connect you to other couples with children who have the same diagnosis as your child. Sounds like you could both use some support
I do believe you are not alone and that this is sadly more common than you think. Tough decisions.
Sounds like you have been doing great on your own. So what do you actually need ya husband for. He keeps you where he wants you. He doesn’t want to do childcare so you can have a break. So you just need to arm yourself with the knowledge you need to make it on your own. Don’t forget you can get money from centerlink until you get on your feet. Somewhere to live will also come. NDIS to help with special needs child also. There is alot out there to help you on your way. Don’t be scared get busy at getting knowledgeable.
I’d start with ALANON to deal with the alcohol issue, there will be great support (even if it’s virtually right now). What you have right now is a roommate & not a partner. You need to carve out some time to yourself…I’d there another parent you can trade childcare with on a monthly or more frequent basis? It’s so hard right now, with the pandemic but, you need some time for YOU to figure out whether you can have a marriage or if you need to get out & start a life without him… sending you my best wishes
It sounds like deep depression. No matter how you get it, you need some free time for yourself. Is there anyone who could watch the kids for a while for you? Relationships often have challenges and this is how people learn to grow together and strengthen it. I agree with therapy, but I don’t know if you have access to that. If you feel his drinking is a problem you might want to find Al-Anon for support. That’s free and possibly you could just attend virtually.
You hit the nail on the head. No, it isn’t normal. He has a loyal mistress. She wraps her spell around him and pulls him in. All that beer is all he wants or needs. If he won’t address his drinking issues, leave. It will only get worse. You deserve so much better.
You need some one to talk too. Ask your doctor for a referral. If he won’t participate at least do it for yourself. Explore all your options before you make a decision on what to do. Know the pros and cons.
It sounds like a very lonely life without your husband’s time or energy. Move on if you can. There are better men out there.
He’s not going to take the kids. You’ll be lucky if he even wants visitation. You say you’ve had a hard time accepting the special needs of one child…So has he. Try counseling and if he’s not willing to try that, get the name of a good divorce lawyer.
Dump the jerk. You will find a good Christian man that will love you and your kids. A man that will make you feel like a wife and not the hired help.
Time for some hard decisions. Get some counseling see was best for you and the kids.
This is so hard. In my opinion I would see a counselor. Individually and marriage. If he is unwilling then maybe try a trial separation. Honestly if you did leave him it doesn’t sound like he would put in the effort to have the kids by himself. And he would have to pay you for the time of being a stay at home mom. I just always think of the example your setting for your children of how relationships look like. And if your unhappy that’s what the kids see of their mother. Sometimes you can be a better parent not with your children’s father. Just my opinion. But I always say start with counseling first.
Maybe he is depressed & needs you & in turn you tell him you need him
You need to really dig deep and really start doing things for yourself besides being a stay at home mum. The benefits of daycare for kids is huge on the whole family but most importantly your kids get to play and interact with other kids and build friendships.
For you it will give you that break,you should have to become a woman again not just a mum.
And he can pay for it because that’s apart of the responsibility as a parent . Maybe just maybe you can both reconnect
What was his family life like? Maybe he has a different expectation/definition of a husband/ family than you do. I think you need a good babysitter and have some time/rest to yourself- it will be a start. 
Real tough decisions… I would definitely try therapy for you first then if he will the two of you…. This is more common than you feel like it is…. I felt like I was reading about a lot of women I know personally…. So be kind to yourself… take care and of yourself……best wishes
You are never asking too much if it is what you need! It took me 28 years to get out of a relationship with an alcoholic and it took a lot of strength to do it, but I did it because I was not getting what I needed. It was all about him
Ummm… My husband is busy. Like all the time. He is a people pleaser (this is a reason i fell in love with him tho). So he misses a lot. I usually go to family things alone. First, because he is working, 2nd because he is over worked and has very little time to do things at home, and 3rd, to be honest. I think, He feels bad about missing things, and wants to be there, but then thinks everyone is mad cuz he was to busy last time.
We all get stuck in our head.
Maybe having a Special Needs child is hard on him too. It is obvious he wants to be the breadwinner and that’s all. I would seek counseling alone if he won’t go with you. Taking the kids from you? LOL. He doesn’t want to spend time with them even a little bit it sounds like. You have to weigh what is important to you. Stay with a husband who may or may not leave you so you can have security OR leave and struggle with your children.
Sounds like you are both checked out of your marriage. To be fair to the last 20 months, likely no one has gone to a restaurant together!
Separate lives is not ideal. I remember a very trusted pastor of ours said are you walking together down the aisle or dragging one another and it doesn’t even seem like you’re in the same church parking lot. I think your relationship needs each other, communication and beginning to remember why you feel in love to have this family in the 1st place. When my husband and I get in a rut we go back to our courting and dating days. Literally ask one another out on a date, leave love notes around the house, go for coffee at 2 am, wake up for each others days and take 30 min together after work. Kids are younger sure but even 15 min sitting together going over our day. I also recommend counseling to see about how to repair and fill up each others needs not just our own.
1-speak to an Atty to get a handle on options
2-AlAnon
3-counselling-alone, or with him.(Christian??? Ugh. If that appeals to you, but sheesh-if you are not church goers, just find a licensed proffessional! Or even if you are.)
It might be time for therapy. Your own & couples
this a sad state of affair that you are living in, your husband has a problem and it is he is able to help other but won’t help you do things you both at one time enjoyed. From what other comments I also think you should seek therapy. I can see if you don’t your life is not going to get any better. He also needs to seek help. This is your life so get some legal help.
Why not show him THIS POST? If you can not have a discussion about how you feel with him, draft a letter with your feelings and concerns and mail it/give it to him to read. Once he has read it request that he answer your letter either verbally or in writing. Does he know there are problems, he may not, he may think this is the right way. There are so many questions unanswered in your Post so it’s hard to give you advice as to what steps to take, but the very first one had to be to see if he too thinks you guys have a problem and what is his take on his life, is he happy or like you?? Send him written communication if you can’t talk this through. Good luck.
If you love him and he loves you there is nothing that won’t work. Start courting him again. Leave him live notes,thanking him for all he does for your family. I am sure he is lonely too. Get a sitter and go out for dinner.
I understand parallel lives, certainly. Why do you feel you are asking too much of him? Have high expectations, girl, please! The world needs more of it. Stop catering to his every need and whim if he is not consistently or fervently pursuing your needs! You deserve for him to be there for you and your kids, even moreso if one is special needs. You should not have to look elsewhere for this validation—he is your husband and you chose each other. Now make it work. If it’s neglectful or abusive beyond repair, then preserve yourself for the sake of your kids. But not until you try every existing avenue. Foremost, don’t be afraid to speak up and ask for what you need!
I have been divorced with 2 kids. It was not easy bringing them up alone. But I had an ex who loved his kids and paid alimony/child support on time. He also did over and above for the kids. However, after I sold the house I had to find housing. A lot of things landed for me to handle, I learned but I wouldn’t recommend it especially with a special needs child. As you stated he works full time, also has a hobby farm (?) but grows most of your food. his days off and vacation time he works still. If you sat and talked with him he may feel he is doing what he has to do to support his family. You are doing what you have to do to take care of the family. He is probably escaping from the problems of having a special needs child with the alcohol. It could be he is hurting and blaming himself for the child’s special needs. If you can’t go to counseling have you tried arranging your schedule to have dinner alone with him in the house maybe once a week. To show him you miss “you and him” He may be thinking you’re all about the children and feels left out. I’m not taking his side. I just know men tend not to express feelings very well. He may feel pressure of medical bills etc. He works hard to provide for you. He’s not out at bars or with the guys. His actions to me seem to be his family is priority and he works hard to provide. A lot of guys feel the weight of bringing home the bacon. Working, taking care of a house and caring for the kids is monumental. Take another hard look - you are missing him also. Think of what you can do to have just your time with him and the kids in bed. Just an old lady’s thoughts.
Read The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. Put it into practice and see what happens.
It sounds to me that you do want to save your marriage and family. I would like to encourage you to keep on hanging on as long as there is no physical abuse.
When I get overwhelmed. I immerse myself in anything but home. Because I have a hard time with emotions. Sometimes the busier I am the less I have to face. Unfair to others. I am not that way anymore. But I was. I was so worried I disconnected. My coping mechanism was to provide in the best way possible. But that really wasn’t the best way. Just my way of coping by getting further away so it hurt less. But it hurt more in the long run. It’s not easy to talk to people like me. Just show mutual understanding from a busy body coping point of view maybe?
I would suggest to go and see a counselor for couples and if he doesn’t want to go then you got two choices either live that life with him and accepted I’ll give him an ultimatum
You should talk to your husband and work out time to go do something. Sounds like he is working alot so maybe tired. Thinking his role is to be the provider and works more than anything. The drinking could be his way of thinking he is decompressing. Some people get in a routine and then miss out on doing that things. So I would work on finding a way to make time with one another. He could be thinking you are ok with the way things are.
Connect with each other only taking notice of the good things. Life is too short… housework can wait. But back rubs can’t. Do the simple things for him that you would want done for you. Just holding hands and looking into each other’s eyes can recharge you. Don’t keep score and don’t give up:heart:
Time to get help with the kids. My ex was the same way. Worked out of town. I was a stay at home mom. My ex missed a lot also. He now knows that. He sounds like a hard working man. My ex was in one family photo. I got My kids photos done every 6 months. Just remember you have all of those memories with your kids. And they will remember who was there. My kids do. Get a sitter for your kids. Let your little one know what it’s like to be away from you. They need to know that it’s ok to leave them and come back.
Having a sp needs child is very hard on Dads, for some reason. They really struggle with this! Even though we are the hands on parent, they truly struggle to accept this for much longer than we do. Your hubby sounds like a hard worker, he seems to be committed to his family, and faithful. As mother’s we must make very hard choices. If talking to him on a serious level doesn’t work, then you need to decide what you want and what youre willing to settle for. Don’t expect change overnight, but look for small changes.
Hang in there. The 13 yr is a ruff one be patient. Get a sitter and, make a date out with hubby soon.sounds like hubby maybe trying to adjust, also. Best Wishes and prayers for your family.xxAmen
Maybe he just needs a wake up call about what you’re feeling. I’d start there, with a candid conversation presented to him in a calm, reasonable manner. Then go from there. His reaction should tell you everything you need to know. In all honesty, being a single mom is hard. I was one early in my life for a few years, with just one child, no special needs. Anyone who tells you it won’t be hard would be lying. Still for me, it was better than being with the wrong person. You have to decide if your peace of mind and what you want are worth it. One more piece of advice, my current husband was raised in a family where men were basically taught to shut down when things got tough… that showing emotion would mean he wasn’t a real man (i.e. real men don’t cry). With you mentioning having a special needs child and when this started, I wonder if it may be something similar for him. He is struggling to process with everything going on in your family. So, he is withdrawing. I can tell you from personal experience, that’s a tough one. It’s been rough on our marriage but once I told my husband how it made me feel isolated, he genuinely tried to make changes… and I know he loves us. He does occassionally backslide though. It’s never a one and done situation with issues like that. It’s a constant work in progress. So, if that’s the issue, you have to decide if it’s worth that battle bc it will be a lifelong thing. Good luck, I hope this helps and I hope things improve for you both!
This is a stressful time and having a child with special needs only compounds it. I strongly urge you to see a marriage counselor. If you get therapy now, you stand a very good chance at correcting. You both need to rediscover each other.
Sorry but why would he try to take the kids from you when he avoids them now? You need to sit down with him, just you two, no kids. Tell him everything you just wrote, in a non confrontational manner. How he responds will tell you what you need to do. Good luck
You need to have a serious talk with yourself.
How much longer are you willing to sacrifice you and your children in this so called marriage?
Can the children feel your sadness?
Do them even spend anytime with their dad?
Do you think you would be happier without feeling Soo down, or your children?
How much do you do for him without any appreciation from him?
Seriously, you have some hard questions to research on your life and what you are willing to sacrifice more of yourself and your childrens life…
Could or would you and your children be better/happier without him?
Dig deep and search for happiness!!
The telling comment is that your husband is probably an alcoholic. It’s unrealistic to expect normal behavior or teamwork from an individual totally focused on themself and their own needs. AA is a decent program, Celebrate Recovery is better, available thru some churches. Both have resources and support for you even if your husband is not willing to participate.
Seek a marriage counselor try nippy this in the bud. Before it does because a bigger problem . He might be noticing how you are feeling and don’t know how to fix it
It sounds like your marriage was suffering even before you had children. I would recommend therapy but if he won’t participate in anything else I’m certain he won’t try to go there either. I would save money aside and plan an escape. Don’t spend all your time worrying about what could happen and just leave. You are miserable and rightfully so. Life is too short for that. You and your children deserve so much better. If you live paycheck to paycheck at first I guarantee you will still be happier than you are now. Leave him and make friends and get a support system around you. Don’t let fear stop you. Hugs and love sent your way.
Time to leave and let him know what he is missing he needs to stop taking u for granted. Life is to short to live unhappy . U r already doing this alone. Be happy
That’s a very sad story and very common if people care to admit it - but question is how to change it as this is difficult part - I’m sure he won’t agree with that he’s doing anything wrong and he probably think it’s all your fault- as he’s working to feed the family it’s not all about money the main thing is love which is completely missing and you will have decide what best for you and the kids . Loveless marriage is so lonely and sad - take your time thinking about it as you have managed up till now - god help you
Get a babysitter go out to dinner! Spend a little time with each other!
I think it’s time to move on. I think your husband has a problem. It’s just going to get worse instead of better.
It seems he doesnt want to be identified as a family man and living a different life.
Drift apart. U hope he would Want to Know his kids more …It takes planning…but more importantly Wanting what you have. I had the husband distancing himself. It’s OK to have some time for a hobby, with trustworthy friends. I thought that was all good. Hubby took advantage. Got close to a woman in a class he taught. No 1 said a word to me, I was home w a 2 yr old. Those Friends(?) Did “not say hey, u have ur wife and son”. And my husband Kept his schedule very full. I did the outings etc w our son. Neighbors never saw him out w me. Well…Einstein said…if u act life life is a miracle…u ll be happy and live each day. I lived like that. When someone is not banking into you…into kids…it becomes a reduction theme. Got tired of Later which never seemed to materialize. If time was given, it was like a huge thing he Gave up time. I ve listened to lots about Narcissistic Personality disorder. U become a snapshot…he doesn’t like if u deviate from the Static role, his definition of who you are. Youre a 2 Dimensional object. Whatever u express doesn’t fit…so he diminishes the significance. U aren’t supposed to change, or grow. That’s pretty odd bc life brings challenges…not just a stream of tasks without purpose. Narcs…often empty…Your feelings supposed to regular his…but he doesn’t have feelings. Hurts how they Bypass you, what means anything to you. Its like living with a ghost. He s just doing his life…his terms are set…he doesn’t feel there s any reason to talk about his actions/ lack of actions. U just wonder if he has any thoughts to engage ( the exchanges, emotion, challenges). Seems they just don’t want to do that…routine is boring…all kinds of objections. U don’t hear Why they want to be with you. That’s the thing u need to know, to see. No response …becomes a very hard thing to endure. Please know it’s not You as the sole cause of all problems. That’s a story a narc makes to sabotage being with you/ family. Like yourself, be with people who like you and aren’t so empty. U need more than a ghost.
And you stay with him why?
I have lived this, minus the alcohol. I already do everything by myself, and now I’m disabled. He tells me I’m not disabled, just fat & lazy. After 32 years, I’m done. Everything you name off-family pictures, family gatherings, vacation places with our son to have fun-he never did it because he didn’t want to. I did get 2 family pictures-Christmas, I tell him I don’t care what he wears, as long as it’s green or red. My son and I wore red. His father clashed with Royal Blue. No, it wasn’t an accident. I’m sick of having a roommate that I constantly fight with. I just want peace and to be happy. If that means I’m alone, so be it. That’s better than being physically & verbally abused. I deserve better and so do you.
Ummm…you MAKE time for what is important to you. If there is no time for it, then it’s NOT important!
time’s up… move on with your life
He has checked out
It will only get worse
Your life will be with your children
And
He will just do his own thing
If y’all can’t get it together now then the marriage want last I lived like this for years
If I have to be lonely, I’d rather be lonely alone.
Have you tried to talk to him about it.
Go on and leave…he doesn’t want the kids.
Yall are on the same page at different chapters. Suck it up. He is.
Remember that we all have to contribute to our marriage
Get im counseling and write small goals weekly. Take care of yourself.
Cheating on you is a huge possibility☹️
From the tone of this post you need to fix you first. If you’re not solid the foundation of every relationship you have will be shaky till you deal with it. Also, I stopped going to my inlaws a long time ago. It was just better for me mentally.
This will be harsh. He’s just not that into you and can’t face your special needs child. He is detached. Even though he is so called “there”, he really left a long time ago. The beer? That’s to numb himself so he doesn’t have to see this in himself. It’ blurs a reality he doesn’t want to admit to himself. He’s already gone sweetie. so sorry.
Why are you with him? Is my question 
I am a homecare therapy provider for special needs children and I SEE THIS ALL. THE. TIME. I witness mothers juggling three things at once and the fathers don’t want to deal with their children. Have you considered marriage counseling? Are you able to (at the very least) communicate with him? Sometimes you need to “spell it out” to them what it is you really need. Alone time with your partner is so important. It will not only give you a break from the kids, but rekindle your relationship. I would seek therapy immediately, it’ll hopefully enlighten the both of you. Ask yourselves if you’re still vested in the relationship. As for receiving help to get some self-care for you, I would ask your child’s service coordinator or social worker if you qualify and receive respite care (this is when they send help your way, sometimes 5 hours a week to watch the kids) just to get a break (do “you” time). I feel for you, I hope you get the help that you need
IMO he has no interest in being part of your family life. It’s obvious. There is nothing wrong with you. Try to think about what exactly he is giving you and if the answer is nothing then I would get out of the relationship. He is being selfish.
3 words: Christian marriage counseling
Sit down with him and TALK . Tell him how you see things and feel about it .
I’m so sorry 
, dealing with a child with special needs is difficult enough and to feel like a single parent doing so is worse. It also sounds like he’s working all of the time to support his family, even in his free time he’s working. Drinking two cases of beer 
a week is concerning, it could be a stress reliever or a sign of a deeper issue like depression. It doesn’t sound like he’s having much fun in life either. It sounds like you’re both exhausted and depressed, leaving won’t change anything right now, I would have a come to Jesus moment with him and try to get counseling to save your marriage, acknowledge his hard work providing for you guys but you want to be a family too and it’s important to you and your relationship to do so. Good luck 
It sounds Ike mental and physical exhaustion and depression. Also some men do not know how to parent a child with special needs and can see themselves as a failure or the cause of the special needs. I think your husband needs to see his doctor and then a counselor or psychologist of some sort.
Try and find a caregiver that can help with your child so you can get some time to yourself. There are nurses who are also professional nannies or caregivers. If all that fails, you may need to get marital counseling or talk to a lawyer.
Leave him. He’s already left you . Move on
The drinking is probably a huge factor.
LEAVE!!! life is too short!!
Ahem…you’re not really married.
You both need to go to talk to a counselor. But for some reason I just don’t see him going. You really need to sit down with him and you guys talk. One thing to ask him is why he doesn’t want family pictures for the kids to have. You should also ask him why he doesn’t go inside with you to the children’s doctor appointments. And last but not least why you guys never go out on date night. You really need to tell him how you are feeling before it gets so you aren’t feeling nothing at all.
He needs to realize that you are not alone in this marriage .You both need counselling together to find a solution to this problem. Maybe you do need someone to help you with your children because you also need a break. It’s no use getting married to someone and they are no benefit to you as you are to him. It takes two to tango. He needs to realize that. Get him to go for therapy with you my dear. All the best:heart:
You definitely need a break. Your husband’s work is one thing but if he has any substance abuse issues thats a whole other. Your children need you but you need to take care of yourself or you will not be there for them. Please consider if you can find someone to help even for an hour to help you. Family? Church group? Hire someone? You’re a devoted mom but you need your break too.
My mom raised us the same way. She struggled with my dads absence, even though he was in the house and ate dinner at night with us, he didn’t help raise us. I’m sorry for your position, but when my siblings and I grew up, we knew who was always there and who wasn’t. And we recognized that she did everything she could to make it special and wonderful - on her own. I always wondered; however, what was better? Parents who separated and lived their lives happily apart or parents that stayed together for ‘family’s’ sake and lived miserably. It’s influenced my ability to have relationships as an adult. Best wishes
He needs to spend some of his free time helping YOU with the kids, and NOT some family member‼️. He’s taking the easy way out so he doesn’t have to be a responsible husband and parent😤
Maybe, like yourself, he is having a hard time accepting your child’s disability and is distancing himself without realizing it. Maybe try to arrange a date night and talk about it without kids and distractions. He may feel just as lonely as you do, but doesn’t know how to voice it.
I’m sorry 
This is unfair to you and this behavior he has will steel your love for him. Have him read this and let it sink in his soul. If he does nothing to improve his marriage and relationship. You deserve a better life. Family therapy is a good start to see if anything can be salvaged. Take care of yourself and your children.
Exactly, what IS “normal family behavior”?
Your plates are pretty full. And it seems that you both are using a couple of
coping mechanisms which are not serving you well(?)
You both are stressed and tired ……who wouldn’t be ?
Please stop using the
“Normal family” yardstick to compare your situation with others.
Communicate with your husband.
Sounds like you’re both hardworking folks.
Again, forget that imaginary normal stuff.
Sounds like you are juggling your own full plate pretty darn good mama.
Sounds like he has “checked out” emotionally from both you and the children…He may feel overwhelmed by your situation. He also may be clinically depressed. Talk to his doctor and a counselor…If he refuses to go, go alone. You will still benefit.
Parenting is equal, doesn’t matter who works or don’t work outside the home. He should be going to the extra activities. He should be involved with his kids. Doesn’t mean he goes to every appointment or event, but does mean he helps with baths, bedtime, etc. I would suggest marriage counseling and if he flat refuses you have to decide if you want to live this way the next 17 years. I’ve been there. My decision was no in the end. I didn’t want to live that way anymore.
Set up some time off for yourself, even a couple hours a week doing nothing, leave your children with someone you trust, not your husband, for that. It will relieve you somewhat.
Do one act of service for him each day, small to large ~ doesn’t matter, without him knowing. This will soften both of your hearts.
Make an ongoing list of pros and cons, so you can see clearly, because maybe you are focusing on the negatives. But maybe the negatives matter.
If you can arrange it ~ laugh together often ~ it is bridge. And kiss, if even for a few minutes, it is an intimate connection that creates the feeling of love due to dopamine release ~ also hold hands, same reason. These acts will remind both of you of the good between you. Also make a point of asking him about his hobby farm, or work ~ you can iniciate the things you are missing.
Just my .02 ~ good luck.
It’s not always greener on the other side. I’m a working mom. Single. You need to find someone who you can trust to get you some time away. Your husband, sounds like he is a busy man. Most are jerks in their own way. Dump him, and the next one could be worse.
People dont change until they see a problem and are ready to change. I do know alcohol plays a big role in family distancing. At my age I would not live that life. What I was a young wife and mother I had hope things would get better.
Don’t give up on him Pray for him daily! If you don’t know how turn to the Bible & I have a book written by Stormie O’martian called The Praying wife!! Rest in The Lord God of Abraham!
Don’t wait get help counseling but be prepared for the next stepped I waited and my kids suffered from it. He was verbal abusive. He didn’t drink but all other things. Never wanted to do anything if we got him to it was on his terms. If we went camping he just stayed in the trailer and complain. Good luck prayer. Don’t wait I did and know other then my girls and alone
It sounds to me that you are both burned out Does your special needs child have some sort of caseworker or case management worker through a medical condition where you can ask for respite time
First off,
Im Sorry your having a stressful time. Taking care of kids alone is hard. Especially a special needs child. If he’s not willing to participate why not put them into day care?
It will help relieve you and pick up where he lacks.
Trust me if or When you decide to leave he will not fight for your kids. He wont even help out now,
Do you honestly believe he wants to do this alone(lol)?
Maybe councling can help. Maybe just Get up make a date & leave for Girl time with a sister, relative or friend. Let him figure everything out with The kids. Demand a date night. Stand up for yourself, Your worth it too.
And U deserve it.
Your making this easy for him To depend on & take advantage of you.
Please seek a Theorapist of some sort.
Good luck.
Take THE family pictures without him…
…he us not In your life or the kids. Sad…but he is losing out…you need to leave for a
few hours…if you walk around a store…let him find out…what its like to be alone … find support…
You are not out of line to feel how you are feeling or thinking how you are thinking. If it were me my feelings would be in the same boat. Yall need to have a big heart to heart sit down and you need to tell him all of what you just told us and more.be honest and tell him hey this is important to me and hard for me and I need to to really listen to me. And tell him . And then discuss or plan a time the next day to discuss. And consider counseling together and discuss the heres where I am and where are you and where do we go from here? What do we do? Something has to happen. I’m sorry lovely. I’m sending huge hugs to you and your kids amd I’m hoping for all of you
I dont think you are asking to much at all to want to spend time with your husband and it sounds like hes the one who needs the attitude adjustment not you. All you want to do is spend family time together and spend some time alone with your husband, which in my opinion is needed in a marriage. If he’s not interested in that then maybe it’s time to move on. Try talking to him about it and let him know how you feel first and if he still doesn’t want to be involved then move on.
You don’t have a marriage honey, you have a financial living situation. You take care of the children and he cares for all of you financially. You have a right to be HAPPY emotionally and that doesn’t seem to be happening right now!!
If you leave I don’t believe that he will be able to take your children unless there is something that you aren’t sharing. He isn’t active in their lives, he doesn’t spend a significant amount of time with them 1 on 1, the only thing he has going for him is that he can provide for them financially and he can do that while you have primary custody!! There are programs to help you get housing, childcare, ect…
Life is short, you deserve to be happy. When you are happy your children tend to be happier!
Good luck!!
Read the book " The Power Of A Praying Woman" by Stormie Omartian ( I wish I had read this along time ago ). God knows our needs but wants to hear it from you.
Don’t leave him work on your lives. You and your husband both have things to work on in this marriage. You have made your children the center of your life! I think you need to learn to live again as well as he does!! Life gives us lemons and we have to make lemonade with what God has given! Marriage takes hard work and what we thought our life would be isn’t what we always get. What we wanted or needed in a marriage changes too. Make some changes because your marriage and motherhood hasn’t worked out as you thought it would! Don’t give up on yours husband maybe he thinks you don’t have time for him, you are too busy everything else. Your both are trying the best you can, you have lost sight of what you had!