In June, I had a stillbirth delivery, and it was devastating. Not only dealing with grief but feeling alone. I have a husband and four children already, and everyone in my family, especially my husband, just wants me to act like it’s no big deal. I have heard everything from “You already have children.” to “It’s probably for the best.” I just can’t believe my own family can be so insensitive towards me. After the delivery, I was left alone in the hospital. No one in my family visited me, called me, or even so much as sent a text. Smh. My husband called a few times and only came when it was time for me to leave. I am not sure if I am overreacting to their actions because of postpartum grief, or if I am justified in feeling upset. I really need advice on how to cope because I am starting to feel resentment.
Your pain is real and you do need support and someone should have been there with you.
Would you say “its probably for the best” to a parent who’s 3 or 6 or 12 year old died? Or even if their baby was 5 hours old!? How heartbreaking!! I’m so sorry momma! Prayers for healing!
Your husband wasn’t even there? Um… time to get a new husband AND family… that’s so fucked up
My heart goes out to you i am so sorry
My heart breaks for you and I am so sorry you are dealing with this alone. Most people dont know what to say but they still should have been there to listen or at least just to hold you.
Most people do not understand and have no idea how to handle this horrible situation… I felt the same way… Find other mothers who have been through it… And pray for those who have never gone threw it… Pray they never know your pain…I am so sorry for your great loss…
Yes you are mourning and so is your husband. He lost a baby also. I would seek counseling for you both. You’re both dealing with your grief separately instead of together
You’re feelings are valid. I’m sorry they werent more supportive.
No not overreacting at all. Your feelings are valid. Please consider getting some therapy to help you with your loss/grief. Hugs!!
You didnt just lose a child. You lost all the could have beens and should have beens. First smiles, first coos, first words. Birthdays, holidays and everything in between. Your grief is so so valid and dont ever apologize for it. I lost my daughter at 17 days old due to complications of prematurity. Give yourself time to grieve. Feel free to PM in u ever need to talk about feelings. Will pray for you and your sweet baby
I am so sorry for your loss You have every right to be hurt and upset.
I couldn’t even begin to imagine what you are going through. Neither can the people you are referring to. But it’s different for you. You had an actual bond with your baby. You’re allowed to grieve over your loss. Everyone grieves in their own way. Maybe your husband disconnected like that because it was his way but regardless you both lost a child and should talk about how you are feeling with him. As for the others I can’t really say much- yes their comments are insensitive but they probably don’t know what to say to you and probably should’ve said nothing over insensitivity.
Everyone deals with grief differently. You are justified in hurting and being upset. I would bet your husband is in denial and can not handle the hurt and grief in a loss like this.
Sounds like you are surrounded by a bunch of selfish, ignorant people.
Try to get some professional help on how to deal with your situation.
First I’m so sorry for your loss. No matter if it was your 1st or 100th child it was still your child. You will and need to grieve the loss of a child and the life you thought you would have. You need someone to be your support, someone to lean on. I’m so sorry that your family wasn’t there but please reach out for help. you went through something very tragic and traumatic.
I’m so so sorry for your loss. You have the right to feel the way you do. You created and carried this baby for months and you lost him/her at delivery. I think everyone is being very insensitive and maybe you can seek counseling to be able to express your feelings and have someone
Listen to you. They can help you cope with this loss. You definitely need some support.
I’m so sorry!! Your pain is valid!! I think they are being insensitive as heck!
Sometimes you dont need others just to justify how it feels like. But nonetheless you have to have a brave heart to continue your life. This is just a stumble not a destination.
Your angel baby is watching over you with wings spread high you know in your heart baby will always be with you celebrate the flutters and feelings only you shared with your baby. Nobody will understand and everyone will have something to say stay away from negative people and hug your littles a little tighter💜
Sending you love and prayers. Sometimes we just don’t know what to say so we just don’t say anything to bad their isn’t a class on your kind of grief. Ur in my prayers
That is sick that they really tell you things like that
No matter how many children you have, that is still your child and you have every right to grieve and if you do start to resent them, then you have legit reasons to. I’m so so sorry they’re being like this towards you
You are not overreacting. I’m so sorry. It’s a huge deal and shame on them for not treating it as such.
That is so sad.well my sister in law she lost 2 babys born after birth it was hard on her too.famlies should stick together and comfort you.i am praying for you .
My best advice is to find a stillborn support page to join. I find that people who haven’t been in the exact situation really don’t understand what you need from them, nor grasp your grief and time you need to process everything. I’m so sorry for you loss mama. Your feelings are valid and absolutely should be heard.
As far as your husband goes, men grieve differently. They were raised to not show emotion and hold their feelings in. Maybe see if he’ll go to family counseling
If MY husband leaves me alone to suffer through that in the hospital he’s finding a new wife because that IS NOT OK.
I’m so sorry mama:heart:
Suggest grief counseling and that he go with you and maybe from a neutral party said in another perspective he’d realize that you need support.
I am so sorry for your loss. That has to be devastating.
You are not over reacting you are a MOM WHO IS GRIEVING CAUSE YOU DONT KNOW WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN
No way are you overreating. I am so very sorry for your loss. That is unimaginable pain. Dont let anyone make you think your being too much. That is your baby you lost I don’t care how old or young that would cause pain and heartache. I am praying for you to find some sort of comfort and peace. I can’t believe anyone would act like that’s not a big deal because it definitely is. You dont need anyone to validate your feelings momma they are so real and valid
I also had a still birth this past May, I understand your frustrations. The nurse asked me my age, and replies “you’re young you still have time”. Like this is MY baby. I wanted my Son to be here with me. People are insensitive to things they personally don’t go through. They DONT understand because they aren’t in your exact shoes. They aren’t the ones who had to grow, nurture, love, your baby growing inside of you; feeling the movements, the nausea and huge body changes, they aren’t the ones who endured that. YOU did. I understand completely where you’re coming from, I still am hurting from it. And at times I feel the same way, This would’ve been my second baby. I’m praying for you momma and you have a friend in me.
I have never lost a child and can’t imagine the pain you feel. I do believe that you are devastated and deserve to feel how you feel. You don’t need to justify yourself to anyone. Take all the time you need to heal.
They have a program out there now just for this but I dont remember the name you may Google it or ask your dr about it
I am so terribly sorry that happened to you. BIG Virtual Hugs
Im sure your emotions & hormones are all over the map. Definitely talk with your doctor, & get that end straight, then perhaps join a support group online.
There is a page called Ellie’s Way Group, I joined after some hard losses myself, & oh man what a wonderful group of supporting people they are.
My heart truly goes out to you & I hope you can find some peace somehow.
Omg that’s horrible. Im so sorry. Someone should have stayed by your side the whole time.
Your pain and grief are very real. No one can understand unless they’ve had it happen to them. Also mom and babies bonds are there before baby is ever born. It’s natural for you to feel more because you two were connected. Nobody else had the chance to feel that bond and it be broken so unfortunately they grieve in their own ways which I agree are so messed up. I hope you find solace in something and good luck with your family. Forgive them because they can never know the true extent of your pain…but they are very much feeling their own and dont know how to be there for you because of it.
I know everyone means well, but you truly don’t understand the grief and pain unless you’ve been through it too. Check out the FB group “Brave Mamas”. We’re always willing to lend an ear, and help out any way we can
I cant say I get it cause I dont. Your feeling are real. I am so sorry you have went thru any of this. But this is when family comes together. He does get what your going thru because he didnt carry the little one. Talk to someone get help. You need it. You cant take care of your family if you cant take care of you. There is no dead line in morning. Please seek help
I have never lost a child. But the pain is so real. My son and his wife lost there son it doesn’t matter the life of that person birth or full grown you don’t get over it. May the lord be with you
This makes me so angry and completely shatters my heart. My first child was a baby boy still born at 6 months pregnant. No pain has ever been worse. If my husband ever acted this way i would leave. That is your baby how can you just get over the loss of your child. Your family and husband need to pull their heads out their asses. Id join a support group and if you ever want to talk message me. I know how much pain your going through i wouldnt wish that pain on my worst enemy
I had a stillborn daughter in 2013 and I can not imagine not having anyone there for me. You lost a baby! Take your time in grieving. My husband didn’t really talk about it. We grieved differently. Talk to a counselor if you need too.
That’s so sad! No matter how many children you already have, one is gone! I’m so sorry! Prayers my friend…
You are definitely not over reacting ,you should have grief counseling ,I hope god heals your heart and helps you through this difficult time
This is so heartbreaking… U have every right to feel the way u do… Ur husband and family have let u down terribly… They shud have supported u… Xxx
I am so so so so so sorry for your loss. I had a stillborn in August 2016 at 37 weeks. Your feelings are entirely valid and it breaks my heart that no one is respecting them. If you want someone to talk to or listen, or any other mother going through this, my inbox is open for you all.
I am very sorry for your loss and for what you’re going through this with your family. I don’t think it’s a matter of your family not caring they probably just don’t know how to handle the situation since stillbirth and miscarriages are still considered a taboo subject to talk about not many people know how to approach it it’s not that they don’t care it’s just they don’t really know what to say and when they do say things sometimes they can be taken as insensitive to you but maybe to them they’re just trying to help. The biggest thing is just to have proper communication with them and let them know what you need in this time and then I’m sure their approach will completely change.
You can find help by contacting a funeral home or the mental health through the hospital. Hugs honey loss is loss
I’m so sorry. Your feelings are valid and you are allowed to grieve and mourn your loss. If you feel up to it, let your family know how you feel and what you need from them. If that doesn’t work, please know it’s ok to seek therapy. Sending you love and light.
There is a great book, Silent Sorrow, by Kohn and Moffitt. Maybe your library will have it… wonderful book for you, your husband, and family to read. People say cruel things. Not because they are cruel but be abuse they really have no idea what you are going thru. You have suffered the loss of your child. That is truly devastating. You have every right to grieve! If you don’t, you are stuffing it and it will continue to wear you down. Grief is a process not an event. It will take time. It does not matter how many children you have now, that precious baby is just as i.portant. I hope this helps in Some small way.
A friend has just published a book and some music about this topic (she’s dealt with). Check out information here https://www.beckynordquist.com/ Prayers for you! You can’t just go back to normal no matter what everyone else says. +
You’re not overreacting, your family are just the worst people ever. You’re mourning a terrible loss and I’m so sorry you’re going through it alone. Do not feel angry at yourself and give yourself time to heal and grieve. You just went through something very traumatic and need to take care of yourself.
If family not willing to help you you needed to talk to a doctor who can find you. A grief councelour .I find it sad that family are not helping you i myself lost one child at about 5 months into pregnancy and the family helped me
I’m so sorry. It doesn’t matter how old a child is. Your heart breaks into. My son was 20 years old when he passed away. I pray you’ll find someone to talk to that understands. I’m praying for you.
You need to grieve that baby and I would be highly pissed at the husband and family for being so callous
I can’t imagine your husband. Mine is always right by my side in the hospital. Your family is completely insensitive. geeze.
I’m sorry for your loss. I have lost two babies myself and it’s true everyone grieves differently. While some people and their comments come off as selfish and rude I don’t believe it’s always intentionally the case. They don’t know how to approach the situation. They are not the ones who bonded with this child and dreamed of life with him or her. To us it’s life changing and we will never be the same person as we once were. You will measure time as before and after the loss and always wonder what could have been. I strongly suggest finding a support system. There is a FB group called Mother to an Angel. Unless someone has experienced a similar loss it’s difficult for them to truly understand. I’m confident you will find someone who can be there on your difficult days as you will experience for a lifetime.
That’s terrible. You have every right to feel the way you do. What a terrible thing to go through, regardless of how many kids you have - that baby mattered too! Your husband especially, should be a pillar of support for you. Sorry you have to go through this and feel like your alone! Sending love xx
Oh sweet I’m so sorry for you, no way are you over reacting, yes you have other children but you have also given birth and list that child cannot believe your family and husband have treated you this way, make sure you tell them how you feel and how alone you feel at the time when you needed them all the most sending hugs xxx
We had a stillborn son the 17th. It is definitely a devastating time for all mothers when it happens. Men are very different in their grief and I personally feel that it is way harder on us mommas who feel the kicks and nurturing love as they grow. What you are saying though they do see to be overly insensitive and I am so sorry.
Poor baby. I’ll pray for you. Try to hold on. Some ppl don’t understand how hard it is to give birth to a stillborn.
I bet they don’t know how to help you.
No, not an excuse. At all.
So, get them all together…
Even the hubs.
Then, say exactly what you have to say to them.
You’re not wrong for feeling hurt. Grieving a child is life long.
I do suggest making Time for therapy. For you. To help you.
I’m truly sorry for your loss
This is awful. I am so sorry. Thai goes to show how people generally focus on the child and never the mother during pregnancy and childbirth.
Your feelings are valid, you matter. Please reach out to a therapist or someone close to you who can help you work through your grief.
Sorry for your loss you are not overreacting at all. I can only think they dont know how to act/what to say. As well as potentially trying to deal with the grief themselves. It’s not an excuse for them but maybe something to try and talk about eith them, and that you need them more than ever and want to be able to talk about it
You arent wrong youre expected to. Suck it up and move on well you cant. You lost a part of you not the same for your Husband he had the easy part you carried this baby. And have a closer connection than anyone else you need time to mourn and should not be expected to get up and get over it thats when you need your man to be more sympathetic to your feelings Sorry but most men dont seem to have that caring gene like we do. There are grief counselors you might check into my heart goes out to you been there done that more than once prayers for you my dear God bless you
I wish I could hug you right now. That is so awful to go through alone, I’m so sorry.
So sorry for your loss I lost a baby in 2017 and it was devastating, heartbreaking and depressing (still is) and it does feel like family, friends and the world really just wants you to forget about it and move on especially if you already have a healthy child at home… for me I would talk to other women who also experienced a stillbirth because they knew how I felt and I stopped expecting my family and friends to be there how I expected them to be… it’s a really tough situation to approach and I’ve had really insensitive comments thrown my way and ignored them… I dont need or want anyone to feel sorry for me, nothing will make it better, nothing will stop the pain in my heart… I’ve since had a baby in 2018 and I’m still expected to act like the baby we lost never happened… you need to find a support group of mothers who have gone through a loss, or I have even sought out counseling which I found incredibly helpful as well… again I’m so sorry for ur loss and feel free to pm me if u want
Prayers for you hun i am a grandmother i would have definitely been by my daughter’s side. You need to grief. Sending you positive vibes
What your feeling is absolutely justified. I’m so sorry for loss of your little one and hope that you feel the arms of all these people on this post reaching out to you and offering a hug.
Maybe seek a therapist? They can help you find healthy ways to grieve and communicate effectively to your husband and family how you’re feeling.
I wish you all the best.
Some people say things like that to make u feel like it’s ok , and ur husband is probably hurting just as much as u he just trys ti keep it hidden so y’all both don’t fall apart, it’s a hard thing to deal with I understand , you just have to understand everyone in ur family loves u and is sad to they just don’t know how to react to it or what to say bc they don’t won’t to say the wroung thing , I’m sorry this happen to u and I hope everything bgets better and it will some people just cope different then others , iknow when I lost my first to miscarriage I felt just like this alone like no one cared but then I realized they are in the same pain as I am they just cope different . Sit down with the family and explain ti them ur hurting u need them and need them to understand and listen to u , mabe a family gathering would be nice to talk to everyone and explain why ur so upset and how u feel ,
So sorry for your loss. Full term or not this is heart breaking and people need to be more sensitive. Your feelings are justified
I’m so sorry! Shame on your family for being so insensitive. I had five miscarriages and remember some rude remarks people made. I found comfort in talking to other women who had suffered loss of a baby. Is it possible for you to go to a support group that deals with this? May God give you peace and strength!
Id be mad to you have every right to be mad…
I’m so sorry for your loss
Aw love how awful doesnt matter how many children you have you lost a baby heartbreaking all my love to you wish i could give you hug i hope you find someone to talk too you need to grieve for your baby xx
Sending healing prayers to you and your family
I would kick my husband’s ass! I am sorry you went through this. P.s want me to come k8ck your husband’s ass for you anyway what an insensitive asshole!
Your families behavior is not ok and you have every right to feel the way you do.
You have every right to grieve my daughter lost a baby full term born sleeping that was 25 yrs ago and we all still grieve and it will always be with you god bless you x
I completely get it! After I lost my twin girls at 21 weeks pregnant. It was very lonely. The one person who txted me, I really valued, turned out she was just trying to get the hydrocodine I got( had an addiction) so I had to let her go and then yea people just don’t understand. Or they want u to “move on” I have had my rainbow baby after them but I will never forget.
You are not over reacting it was your kid. Omg it wasn’t for the best leave those people alone you don’t need them
Omg my heart breaks for you. I am so sorry you are dealing with such insensitive people!! They should be ashamed of themselves. You need to join a group of women who are or is going through the same thing.
Your baby was real! Your feelings are real! Your pain is real! Your feelings matter! I am so sorry
I’m so sorry. Your hormones are still going crazy on top of all of this. I went to a funeral for a newborn baby earlier this year and it was devastating. She was born not breathing, revived but only survived about 7 hours. Did you have a service or memorial in her honor? I bet more people care than you know? Also do not be afraid to reach out for professional help. I’m so sorry for your loss.
I too had a stillbirth. It was devastating. People suck. They have no idea how traumatic this is. We had family that gossiped that I should just get over it, it was just a miscarriage type of thing… but it wasn’t… it was more. We had to cremate our son and hold him. It was and will remain the most traumatic event of my life to date. Sending you huge hugs.
Praying God’s comfort and healing so sorry for your loss
I’m so sorry you had to go thru this alone it makes me sad to hear this
It’s sad how people do not understand the need for you to be able to get help to go by what has happened please talk to your doctor on how you feel your mental health is important for all not just you family needs to learn this .Get well soon . Your well-being is important
This breaks my heart. I am so sorry you’re going through such a terrible time. Sounds like you need to find people more supportive in your life. Bc thats complete bullshit.
I’m so sorry. I wish I could hug you. While I have not experienced it myself my sister delivered my sleeping niece. it doesn’t matter how many kids you already have, this baby was just as real as their siblings. Maybe your husband is grieving but doesn’t know how to show it. You are not overreacting. Everyone grieves differently. My sister still goes to my nieces grave often, she would have been 12. We all still go. She has had 2 children since and they talk about her often. If you need someone to talk to look for a support group or talk to a therapist.
Some people just don’t know how to deal with it. When someone losing a child, whether stillborn or not, as a friend or relative, they need to hear you say “I’m sorry you lost your baby” "Can I hug you?’ “What will you remember most about your baby?” Allow the person to grieve, talk about their child, let all their emotions out. They need to be able to feel without having to hide their pain. It’s hard to witness them in pain bc of your love of them but they need to know you’re there for them. They’ll apologize for crying, for grieving but they need to know they have nothing to be sorry for and you’ll cry with them. Be that person they need. Help them to heal in their time.
This is the most devastating thing Mama I am so terribly sorry.
Not only are you dealing with hormones not understanding what happened to your body but you’re dealing with such a deep grief.
Only those who have also lost a baby understand.
I lost my daughter 10 years ago to stillbirth also. Things have changed in those years. But I will tell you that it’s not something you ever really get over. People don’t know what to say or how to act. The grieving process is your own and on your time. All the what ifs and whys still go through my head. It gets easier. Just try not to take what people say to heart because until they lost a child of their own they will never truly understand how heartbreaking it is. Find a support group or a close friend. There is millions out there now! That is the only way you can cope with moving on. Holding it all inside to save the people around you will only tear you apart! So sorry for your loss from 1 mother to another that’s been in the same situation. Prayers for healing and comfort and that you will find your support Mama!
As a mama who’s miscarried (Feb 13 at 21 weeks gestation) it’s important to feel like you have support and compassion. It’s never ever easy to lose a baby. 4 or 40 weeks… It is so painful to go through, especially if nobody seems to be there for you when you need them.
I’m so sorry you have every right to be mad it doesn’t matter how many kids you have that baby still mattered. I’m sorry you going tho this you are in my prayers
I am sorry to hear that
I am so very sorry you experienced this. The death of a child is one of the most difficult things to endure. Most often leaving loved ones at a complete loss for words. My guess this is how your husband and others are dealing with their grief. After all there are no rules set in stone. We really cannot prepare. Nor do we know how we will react. Thankfully, most of us will never feel this incomprehensible pain. I would strongly suggest grief counseling. Speak with your husband encourage him to attend as well. Best wishes. Much peace and love ☆
To me this is no different than a parent losing a child later in life. We should not out live our children. This was your baby. It doesn’t matter how many children you had previously or after. This was your child who you carried and loved before they were even born. I’m so sorry for your loss. I understand how insensitive people can be. I would look for a support group. My prayers are with you from one angel mom to another. You can pm if you ever need to.
I’m SO sorry you’re experiencing this.
That’s devastating just because that baby wasn’t born alive or been yours for long doesn’t make it any less heart breaking but they haven’t experienced that kind of pain so of course they wont understand it
You are not overreacting. I know the pain of having a stillborn. I reached out to a support group which really helped because those ladies were able to relate. Reach out to the March of Dimes too they are a good resource.
I’m so for your loss people can be so insensitive you take all the time you need to grieve and if your family cant be their for you then they sure don’t deserve you at all. My heart hurts for you I pray you find peace in your heart and soul
So Sorry for your loss. I know how you feel I loses my baby at 16 weeks and everyone acted I never was pregnant I always felt like she was a girl. I even named her and they wondered why…??..
So sorry for your loss. People do not always know how or what to say or do, and do nothing. Please talk w your good friends and share your feelings. Or grief group. Best wishes for your healing.