My daughter is a little bit over 4 1/2 years old. I have been currently dating someone for two months. But my daughter is really clingy and it’s making it hard for me to date. For example, I will get or receive a hug and she gets upset. Or we go to his house and she doesn’t listen on purpose I feel like for attention. my daughter is not self-sufficient and needs constant stimulation.  like all she wants to do is have me with her to play with her.  and obviously I don’t mind doing so, however, I want her to be more independent and I want her to be able to play in her room with her toys for 30 min at least. She doesn’t play with her toys unless I’m playing. She freaks out when I’m not there with her. Idk what to do. Recently she started sleeping in her own bed. However, she does wake up every now and then coming to my bed.  I would like some advice about how to get my daughter to become more self-sufficient at 4 1/2 years old. such as self play, self soothing, potty by herself, etc etc. thank you for reading!
Promise that she will soon enough. I know it seems rough sometimes when you’d like 20 minutes to do your thing while she’s doing hers but this stage will only last so long.
Children don’t need iPads and TV’s in their room so mom can hang out with her boyfriend 
. Young children need connection and reassurance. Do things together, put her first. Go on one-on-one dates or have him over after she’s asleep or get a sitter.
Things take time. My daughter is a single parent. We knew her bf for several years, just as friends. He bonded quickly with her 3 girls. He plays softball, soccer, crayons, reads books, etc with them. The youngest goes to him at bedtime for him to read a book. He puts the girls before their Mom & that’s how my daughter fell in love with him. He has certain things he does with each child, making them a priority.
Just make her feel important like u hug him give her a hug also Thats what i had to do with my daughter. She was 2 wen i met my husband shes 8 now and he is her dad but still i if i say i love u to my husband she says u love me mommy and i say of course i love u more than life. I think its just reassurance and bit of jealously
So I started seeing someone when my son was 5. He wasn’t around my son that soon. But when I finally decided to introduce the two of them, I sat down and talked to my son. I asked him what he thought about having someone else in our lives. I told him this person was special to me and to let me know when he feels he needs just mommy time. There were always be clinginess when somebody new comes in because they don’t want to lose you or be left out. They need extra reassurance that they’re still your number one and that nobody will ever take that place. My advice is talk to them. Have them tell you what they’re feeling and make sure you’re validating their feelings. They aren’t programmed the same way we are. They see mommy splitting time and don’t understand it.
I had to put my son in daycare to resolve this.
Sending u love and care the comments of some people are just too much pray and do what u think is best I personally think she will adjust it will take time she was used to having u by herself just try to not rush things u deserve to be loved and cared for as well u wouldn’t have asked for advice if u didn’t think of your daughter first…
My daughter has a tv in her room. Helps her stay in there. She’s about the same age too. When my and my current bf got together I feel she was the same way. She was so used to having me all to herself. She just needs to make that connection with him too
Put her in daycare around other children. You start teaching independence when they start to walk . My granddaughter who I am helping raise. Does everything herself. She is my helper . I’m
dusting she helps dust . She has also learned independence from her tablet . Lot of great learning tools for kids on them . I made her a few play area in my garage . Kitchen set and her princess tent with toys . She plays for hours independently. Very good attention span . Also my dog is her best friend. He goes where she goes . Try a pet
My son was just turning 3 when me and my husband met. Our 1st date the 3 of went out together. This would have been August. We were living together by Christmas. We have been together 6 years now. Kids need to know how to be alone for 30 mins, a hour, whatever. Maybe get some toys or something special that she can play with or keep herself busy with when you need her too. But something she doesn’t have access to all the time so this way she won’t get bored with and then its something special. It’s hard to date when kids are involved. Just remember they are not little forever and some days stuck. Kids will try to push you over the edge on purpose. You just have to find the right person who also understands that and still just stick it out till things are better. I’m all for bribes and deal with kids. Like I would watch a movie with him then I would tell him after I needed a break and he could color and play Legos by himself for a little bit.
She will grow up soon enough ! Enjoy being #1 , bcos when school starts it will be her friends and not you !!
My son is nearly 7 and has never played in his bedroom, he wants company. Have your alone time when she’s asleep. You are giving another person attention and she doesn’t like it, but remember she’s 4, she’s not expected to understand.
It’s up to him to make the connection needed with her other than you trying to push her away to herself when he’s around. If it’s not working now it never will sorry but I’m truthful and blunt also.
Children pick up on vibes so if your child is acting out ask yourself why two months of dating and then introducing her is way too early for her to meet him anyway you should at least wait longer to introduce her to him if she’s acting out more then normal there’s definitely a big red flag there somewhere
She’ll grow out of it with time. You’ve been her security since day 1. Yes, it’s annoying, but like everything else, this stage will pass. Keep reassuring her and be there for her when she needs comfort.
Men? 
They come and go. Our children are our children for life. 
Keep that bond strong.
My daughter will be 4 at Christmas. She is attached at the hip. She cried for a month Straughn when she had to go to preschool! I can’t leave the room w out her searching for me.
We make time together. And then I tell her ok now you ply So i can cook. Or put a movie on for her. It’s the age, not much you can do tbh… however my bf will engage w her snd ghey play games together. She’s also know him way lk get then 2mo
Literally NOTHING wrong with wanting her to play independently sometimes. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for that, and don’t let anyone make you feel bad for her knowing your boyfriend already. It’s not their business because that’s not what you’re here asking advice on. My kiddos played independently by that age. It’s okay if they don’t but it’s okay if they do. We’re allowed our own time too. I made sure there were zero choking hazards. To get them to play independently, as they were playing I’d sit with them and then say “mommy had to go potty” or do something, and I would escape and see how long they’d last without me in there. I’d leave their doors open. Playing independently in the living room first helped. I’d make a big deal about how awesome their room and toys were and how cool it is to have their own space. It’s a process but it can be done 
teaching independence is a great thing.
If she is only child it’s harder for her to learn to be more independent as you always trying to find something to do for her. I would start training her when you 2 alone. Do not give her idea when she looks bored, let her be. If she says she is bored tell her it’s good for her brain and tell her to find out something to do. Night time is harder, you have to be consistent and it will take time, everytime she wakes up you don’t talk or turn on light, just take her back and put her in her bed right away.
She comes first. If she’s not comfortable and is acting out perhaps focus on her rather than a 2 month relationship. 4 1/2 is so young, that time flys, she needs you. If he really likes you and has good intentions he will understand your daughter comes first.
Lol so first of all, everyone should quit shaming you for introducing your daughter to your guy so soon. We don’t know the background. Hell you could of known each other for a while or maybe not. That isn’t your issue. Whether you knew him for a long time or not, this would still be new for your daughter. She is an only child and has never had to share you. I suggest play dates or a dance/ tumbling class. This will get her more socialized. As far as the boyfriend, why don’t you guys all sit down and play a game together? Go to the park, a zoo? This could help!
My daughter was the same way. I told my now husband to get used to it, guess what- he started to play with her to and watch her movies. He NEVER expects me to put him first. She was 4 when we started dating, 5 when we got married, she’s 7 now and the most independent little girl. My relationship with my CHILDREN will always be 1st.
Two months is way too early
Perhaps seek the help of a “play therapist”.
Your daughter’s behavior is totally normal. She’s having a hard time sharing. Yes. It’s taxing on you, but try and put yourself in her world. Well, actually you are her entire world.
Please don’t rush this process with her. If your b/f is worth his salt, he will put her needs and security before his own.
If he can’t, he ain’t worth it.
All the Best, Mama🤗
She’s 4. She doesn’t need to be independent. If you want alone time with your boyfriend then you wait until she is asleep in bed. A 2 month relationship isn’t that important, your child’s needs, need to come first. If your boyfriend doesn’t understand that then he isn’t the right fit for the two of you. It sounds like you don’t even understand that though. She may be 4 but she is still a baby and she is still developing and she doesn’t know how to express her feelings yet, that’s probably why she is acting out.
Does she have any little buddies? Have playdates at your house and give them a little activity to do together.
She’s only 4. The things she’s wanting are things she’s needing still at that age. I understand wanting to have your own life and boyfriends etc but at this point, her needing you is more important. Her learning to play by herself and sooth herself and potty herself are all things that she will need to be taught and it will be over time.
As far as you introducing your child to someone after two months, well that’s your business.
I think if you are dating someone exclusively for two months it’s sufficient time to introduce your child to him. It sounds like she is jealous of someone else taking up your time which is totally understandable. Just make sure there are plenty of times you do things with just her as well as times you go off and do things with just your boyfriend. As for teaching her to become more independent, it is hard for her to unlearn what she has come to expect from you. Kids need to learn at a very young age that the whole world doesn’t always revolve around them. I’m guessing starting when she was a baby that you felt the need to constantly be playing with her and entertaining her. Nothing wrong with playing and interacting as that is how they learn but if it’s all the time then kids don’t learn how to entertain themselves.
Honestly, 2 months of dating is too early to even introduce them to me.
Think you need to grow up yourself. She is your child and feeling insecure , she won’t be independent for years yet. Eight weeks is nowhere near enough time to know him and put him near your daughter yet .
41/2 is still pretty young and if your the only parent around it’s only normal she’d be clingy. Believe me the day will come when your going to wish she’d come spend some time with you.
I don’t think kids should even be introduced to someone you’re dating this early let alone you all hanging out at his house and your house together.You’re daughter was probably this needy before and you were ok with it but now you want your space and that’s only gonna make her more clingy because she can sense that.Separate your kids from your dating life and work on helping your daughter grow more independent.Get a babysitter for when you want to go out or wait till she’s at school.
Reduce technology if that’s a thing for you guys. If I take away the tablet and turn off the tv my son will play with his toys
All I’ll say is, with how your daughter is acting, maybe is a sign she’s not comfortable with this bloke but it’s her only way to let you know, secondly how is this guy towards your daughter, regardless of the time you’ve been together, is he friendly, does he talk to her, does he ignore her? Your only 2 months in, maybe take a deep breath, observe, see if asking your daughter is she comfortable with him, it also could come down to how long where you single before this guy?
You’re expecting way too much of her she’s so little 
just talk to her about it and maybe plan special mummy and daughter outings as well as seeing your new bf
And for all the Karen’s saying two months is too early,… if the person has childcare then yes I’d maybe agree… but then again maybe not… I’d likely mind my own business! And she could have her daughter 24/7 with no one to help her out so leave it out FFS 
Wait you’ve been dating two months and you have this person around your little girl major red flags for one… also she’s been there a lot longer than him maybe it’s a new thing she’s probably feeling she has to battle for attention and tbh it’s sounds it too
Part of it is the age. Also someone new has your attention. For his house maybe you could pick out something she could play with over there. Something that she can do alone like Legos or crafts.
She is 4 not 24. Do you want to play by herself so you can be with your boyfriend? Because this all over the place. Believe me they are only young once an it goes my really fast. Choose to play in her room with her.
Well, I wouldn’t take my child around someone I’ve only been dating for 2months… but she is old enough for school, are you sending her? I know it’s difficult at first when they cry for you but once it becomes routine you will both adjust
I appreciate everyone who is actually trying to help and not just shame her.
Perhaps try daycare half a day that helped my kids get more independent and social. It was hard at first but once adjusted to the routine it was much easier. Or if she demands to play with you have him join in too n everyone plays. It’s an adjustment and may take some work but you can do it mama!
it’s too early, she needs time and space to adjust to a new person and to sharing mommy.
You’re taking your 4 year old daughter with you to a dude’s house that you’ve only been dating for 2 months……. Cue side-eye…
Some major red flags here. 2 months of “dating” and your daughter is spending time with him? I’d act out too!
My question is why after only two months is he around your daughter? You should still be getting to know him yourself before introducing them. Second thing is maybe she feels his energy isn’t right.
It’s pretty simple. Don’t have dates around your daughter. She’s not okay with it. It doesn’t matter why. Your child comes first.
Child first before any man!!! Where is her dad?
Is this behavior unusual? If so, you need to try to talk to her. I’m going to guess that she feels sad that mommy has a new friend who is stealing all the attention. This is normal. It’s not always fun to have a little one hanging around on dates, but her needs have to come first. A child that young isn’t expected to be self sufficient. They are still learning to regulate emotions, and have short attention spans.
I don’t date because of this, idk. When I seen how it affected my son, I chose. Different approach then most but this is just my experience. 
And honestly at 4 1/2 hrs old most kids don’t wanna play on their own I know none of my nephews or niece did
I am sorry- I don’t think dating someone for 2 months is long enough before introducing a child.
Please don’t rush your 4 yr old to be more independent and self sufficient so you can have a dating life. I totally get you not wanting to be alone but you are all she has and fear might be setting in. Kiddos at the age don’t understand. Mine was 13 when I got remarried and it was/is still hard for her to not feel like I moved and and she’s alone. She’s not of course but to them you are there only constant.
Am not one to comment but I will in this. I was once a single mom with 2 kids. Remember to your daughter she has been the center of attention until your boyfriend came in the picture, you mommy made it that way. She probably feels pushed away and or neglected. You had no issue of her sleeping with you until your bf came along so now deal with transitioning her slowly not from one day to another. Try putting her in some sort of activity like ballet or some sort of activity for her. I know what it is to bring someone new into your life when you have young kids but you need to understand that a child is all about teaching. Now, I know for me my child came first. My now husband when we started dating understood that I had mommy and kids quality time, I took my kids out alone without him on some weekends, I also included him on other weekends like going to the zoo. Please do jot push her away now just because you have a man in your life, if your partner can not understand this is something new for her and it will take little steps to allow your daughter to get used to the fact their is a new person around then if he can get that then you need to drop that man. Good Luck
IMO that is too young to have her playing in her room alone. Start working on her individual playing skills with you still in the room. Play with her while encouraging her independent choices of building blocks, coloring choices, whatever it may be. Teach your child how to create a story with their toys. Consider a part-time preschool if she doesn’t go already, which can help with independence. I don’t know your living situation/parent situation, but it sounds like your child feels safe with you and needs to know they’re always a priority for you, which isn’t a bad thing. Embrace that and love that.
What do you Expect she’s a 41/2 year old baby,you need to think about your Priority.After my husband Died i did not Date until my children got grown my Priority is my Children.
It has only been 2 months, in my opinion your child shouldn’t be involved just yet any way! And when you do, you start small and simple like lunch picnic at the park or something! But too late for that! Maybe back it off a bit with involving your child for a while.
My concern here is that you have someone around your child that you have only been dating for 2 months. Not insinuating he is a bad guy, but how well do you know (really know) someone after that short amount of time? You are in the “honeymoon” stage of a relationship. The risk of your daughter falling prey to abuse is very high. Maybe her intuition about this guy should tell you something… maybe about his character that she sees or even that she just isn’t ready to be introduced to men who may potentially be in and out of their lives. Kids are very smart and intuitive. This could be damaging to her.
Umm… bringing your kid around someone you’ve been with for two months. Hi, you’re the problem, not your daughter
You are asking alot of a 4 1/2 yr old thst hasnt had to share you with anyone. You need to include in different things you and BF do. REMEMBER YOU ARE A PKG DEAL. She is not an add on.
I don’t expect my son to self soothe. He’s 6. When he’s hurting or feeling some type of way, I’m happy he feels he can come to me and talk. He also never plays in his room which doesn’t bother me. My now husband used to come over when he went to sleep if we wanted some alone time. If this guy is endgame, he’s going to have to get used of having a kid around who needs the majority of the attention and you need to be able to juggle fairly your new relationship and the relationship with your child. Also they shouldn’t be having issues going potty alone at 4.5 years - I’d look into that.
Does she attend preschool? If not, it would help a lot.
Too early to bring around your child. Also, this person should not be doing any discipline or be left alone with your daughter for a very very long time. You know nothing of anyone in 2 months. She does not need to be close to a new boyfriend. You have no idea if this man is marriage and father material. It is normal for her to act out as she should not be in this situation. Please do not leave her alone with this stranger, especially a male man you barely know. You need to do your research on this type of possibly dangerous situation.
You shouldnt be having her around someone you’ve only been dating for 2 months…
She is a baby. Self sufficient?
Hmm has she been left alone with this guy? I’d not have him around her at all! Kids sense things.
Are you just dating? That usually means getting a sitter and going out somewhere and then coming home and date goes home.Has there been a divorce? Is this dating something new,2 mos is still new…she is only 4 ,she’s probably struggling with your affection for someone else.A lot of variables here,if you’ve been her only of course she’s going to be clingy.Patience momma patience
Sounds like she is jealous. Just be careful leaving him alone with her.
Something is wrong with you, you need to seek put a psychologist. In just 2 months,you barely know a person and u taking ur baby girl around ,to his house too. Yes, she will act out. Have u tried keeping your relationship private until you are sure there is stability.
To the ppl on here saying she shouldn’t have introduced them so early, you ever think that she doesn’t have someone to watch her while they go out? Maybe it’s just the 2 of them. All she did was introduce them, not like they are moving in together.
Your daughter shouldn’t be introduced to a man after 2 months. Be selective with a minimum of 6 months of dating.
Wow…no offense but 2mos to meet a man for your kiddo. I dated mine for 2yrs before introduction !
Your daughter needs time to adjust sharing you, expecting a 4 year old to become more self sufficient now you have a new man in your life is a wee bit extreme, she cant just change to suit your current situation, she probably feels a little rejection from you because you want some alone time to hang out with him, she to will probably feel the same, being told to go play in your room alone will not feel like fun for her, ill not have a go about introducing them this early on because i was a single mum and its hard to date and get to know someone if you have limited time, kids that young can’t understand or deal with certain feelings they have, and if she is acting up at your partners house it’s possible she feels out of place there, has nothing familiar, its a reality you need to face, when a kids had you to herself then is instantly expected to share and accept the change with a new man its going to cause upset and confusion
Why is she already at this dudes house…
How long ago did u break up with dad? 2 months is really soon to be bringing your daughter around…sounds like she really needs some support right now and ur more focused on being able to date. Sad.
She is only 4 and you have left a whole lot of info out like where is her dad in all this and does she she him. Quite frankly you have only been seeing this guy two months. He should not be around your child yet.
Some good advice in here also looking up secure attachment sometimes attachment issues can look like clinginess, insecurities, etc.
You can’t change up because you doing you she comes first I get it you have a life to but not when you have kids unfortunately 
I.m.o
So she’s been clingy for 4y4m… you start dating someone and in 2 months you want her independent… so you can hang out w a guy…good looking out…
Trust your child. She senses somethings off. Why would you bring your daughter around some random dude that YOU don’t even know anyways. 2 months is not enough time to genuinely know someone.
That’s weird I wouldn’t even wanna meet the kids after 3 months lol 
It’s disappointing how much judgement is on this post…
No man should be around your daughter until you know it’s serious like marriage.
Maybe she knows you need to slow tf down…she shouldn’t even know this man let alone be taken to his place
For some parents, when dating, you have no choice but to bring your child along. When I was single with two kids, dating was a nightmare. I had no babysitter, I don’t have friends (don’t trust people) and my parents never cared to help. So yes unfortunately my my kids would meet people. It was always after I had talked to them for awhile, public settings, and my kids knew them as friends. HOWEVER, I did it the best way I possibly could. Then I met my husband at work. Knew him only a couple weeks, met him at a playground to see how he was with my kids. The next day he was over for dinner. And never left. That was five years ago. So I’m personally not going to sit here and say anything to her in regards to that.
As for your daughter needing to be more self-sufficient, that will take time. You will have to do this when it’s just you and her. Hey sweetie, if you can play with your toys til this time goes off, mommy can then come play with you. Or can you go play with your toys til mommy comes to you? I have some things I need to do, but as soon as I’m done I’ll be right there. Or you’re a big girl now, and I need you to do such and such by yourself. But in just a little bit mommy can come play. Ect.
It has nothing to do with him honestly sounds like your child has separation anxiety
Two months
I wouldn’t introduce to my children after only two month
Why the heck are you letting someone you know for 2 months around your kid!!!
You people that say she shouldn’t have her daughter around someone that soon- my 1st date with my husband was at a drive in movie with my son with us. A month later we were engaged and a year later married and have been married for 31 years. I knew him from work so it wasn’t someone that I just met and l realize that times are different now but it’s not like she’s taking the child there and dropping her off. She is still there with her.
- How is the guy with your daughter? I would be worried about any weird behaviours. If she starts wetting the bed it’s a massive sign something is wrong is happening.
- She could possibly not like sharing you. If she has never seen you with someone before then, it’s a big adjustment even for a child.
Perhaps she doesn’t want anyone taking daddys place?
that seems very early to introduce her to man that shows you interest. she is still fighting to keep her place with you. alternate a few mom daughter only dates so shes not threatened. And you are taking her to a strangers house and expect her to be comfortable…. All the things we teach them not to do. go to public parks or restraunt.
Ask her doctor for a referral to have her mental health accessed, so you rule all issues out, or know how to support her if need be.
- he shouldn’t even know your daughter atp.
- your daughter shouldn’t be at his house.
- is she not in pre-k? that would be a great start to put space there
She’s jealous. Get a sitter when you see him. 2 months is too soon to have him around her anyway.
You have been seeing a person for 2mo and they are already around your kid? Hmm what? Girl, check yourself. That’s a stranger!! Of course your child is not having it and scared and wants to cling closer to who she feels is safe. Stop bringing a random around your kid and taking her to random peoples houses. Get a damn sitter.
You don’t let people come around when you’ve been with someone for 2 months… YOU don’t even know someone at 2 months…
Have you ever put your daughter in day care or pre school?? Or does she have play friends? Are you with her basically 24/7??
If the answer is NO to most of these, questions…that might be the tip of your situation. She needs outside interaction with other people… I went thru this when my son was younger . At first my issue was living on a military base , first time being away, thousands of miles from all family and my son re uniting with his Dad . He was only 1 year when this Dad shipped out , we decided for the two of us to stay stateside with our families
We only met your neighbor 3 days before moving in, & the advice she gave me was to take my son to the base day care, which was only for when the spouse had medical visits or emergencies.(when not using it for the following new arrivals to the base). We did this 3 days a week, 1st week the two of us for an hour.2nd week I stayed for 30 minutes then went into a room where he could easily find me…like at home. 3 rd week. I left totally , watching from a room with a one way glass wall, he played the whole time BOTH with other kids and by himself. I then enrolled him into day care , went twice a week while I did errands or just too have away time for myself., increasing the time away., little by little.By the time pre school came up, he had no issues, he loved it!! They learn a lot in pre school!! I enjoyed it too, as I got to meet other parents And he was totally ready for Kindergarten
I wish you success finding your answer on all them suggestion s and advice. I agree with the fact …your child , (at this age & a few more years) should always be your most important cocern, however there has to be YOU time too I day do the threesome time more often and try including her once in awhile in " a date nite"
affair. Also make sure your guy is one board with his…hopefully he is. Don’t force it, remembering " baby steps"
I’m stunned you introduced your child to someone you just started dating. If that is indicative of the rest of your parenting decisions, you may want to just bring this all to your individual therapist.
It would be more appropriate to date when your child is at a play group, a class, day care, the baby sitters, their fathers, or one of the grandparents houses…
Your child isn’t going to understand suddenly diluting time they’re accustomed to having with you, with a sudden stranger. Try encouraging their independence when you are available to parent.
I am speaking as a widow that started dating again…my children are over protective of me so we sat down and I told them that I would like to start dating and told them that if they felt uncomfortable to let me know…my children were 8 and 10. So a man that I went to school with ended up moving close by and we struck up a conversation again and we both had changed and didn’t even recognize each other at 1st but as the conversations grew my children already been talking to him before me and my children love him and now a year and half later we are still together and we have a beautiful family! If your daughter is uncomfortable then please pay attention! Please always put her 1st and know that one day a man will come at the right time but don’t push her away! This was always my biggest fear of dating again is would my sons be happy especially with my youngest sons dad passing away. He was the most receptive and of course my oldest told him hurt my mama and I will make you pay lol so with this being said if you keep pushing your daughter away you will have more problems than being lonely!
Slow your roll. 2 months she shouldn’t of even met him fully at this stage, random male stranger in her home and shes uncomfortable and you’re saying the child is the problem? Erm no ma’am.
Sooooooo this random guy has been around for 2 months and you’re annoyed that your 4 year old is reacting to the sudden changes in her life 
She. Did you and her dad split? May be acting out because doesn’t want to see mommy with anyone else or it could be she is getting jealous bc she I use to mommy all by herself. I know my 5 yr old doesn’t like to be alone so if not wit her sisters she wants to be by me. If you feel this guys is good then do stuff lie all of you go out to eat movies etc. so fun stuff and include her