He treats you the way he treats you because you let him…let that sink in for a moment
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Happy for you. Life is too short to be miserable! Better you realized now than way later. You will find what you are looking for!
Idk if this is the case, but sometimes our love languages don’t mesh!
Hope your happy tho! everyone deserves to be happy
Sounds like what u want is a fantasy. If u become his wife nothing would change. Are you not happy with been a partner an a mother?? You wanna be a wife an a mother?? I’m confused as to what really is the difference?? People will talk about u. Oh she left him cause they weren’t married ?? Marriage is a piece of paper an a party… In the end if he treats u badly or you don’t like the things he does talk to him ?? Calling u his wife won’t change those bad habits.
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Have you voiced these issues you have? Just curious because my partners clueless and doesn’t take hints, I have to spell it out for him, and that’s fine because we both work differently. He may think u guys are doing fine and has no idea u feel this way
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Good luck! I hope you find your happy. You deserve it!!!
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My bf and I have been together 6 years and we have one son. We plan on getting married soon because we want my elderly mother to be there and my very sick brother. Otherwise, we were just kinda meh about marriage. In our hearts and minds we’re already married. We call each other husband and wife. If you have a healthy relationship and you have open communication, I suggest you talk to him about it and tell him how important it is to you
I was with a guy for 12 years and our divorce became final on June 2nd. if you would have asked me I was divorced from him at least 5 years ago. But it just became official this month. It’s not going to be easy because you have kids. I have kids too. But you deserve somebody that’s going to treat you the way you deserve. I found somebody like that it’s going to be a little bit before we can do anything but we’ll get there.
If he hasn’t married you by now, he never will
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Was in the same boat for 18 years 4 kids, no ring no nothing. Walked away. Better off
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Good for you! Keep us updated! I wish the best for you and I hope you find happiness.
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Time to put yourself in the number one spot
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My fiance and I have been together for 12 years and only just gotten engaged. I picked the ring I wanted and bought it on our anniversary. Told him we should get it, so we did.
We’d been talking about it for months though, and only just got around to it.
I wish you well and hope you find someone 
You wont ever get the same treatment. All men are assholes. Theres no such thing as a perfect man that’s why they NEED women.
Please don’t look back! You and your kids are ABSOLUTELY wayyy to beautiful to be putting up with that any longer. If you’re with someone you shouldn’t have to chase happiness. It’s good you left, now go be happy with you’re beautiful kiddos 
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Hands down the best post I have seen on this page! 
Happy Birthday girl!
You are worth so much more then what he gives you:heart: Keep on keeping on beautiful! I’m happy for you!
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God bless you!! Prayers for you and please keep us posted!! You have a ton of fans cheering for you! You deserve to be a WIFE! Good luck! You’ve got this.
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go for the brave heart…he deserves someone who never know what love is…you have the kids to inspire you and someone is waiting to love you more.
You cannot change a man who act that way so sad i do hope he will get a shock when you leave MAYBE? he will relised he does need you ??
Love it !!! I am so happy for you and the fact that you are not asking for advise. You know exactly what to do. You are taking control !! Please keep us updated ! And I hope this is the beginning of a fresh start with your babies or a beginning with him, and maybe he finally wakes up and steps up. Either way, only good things are coming your way!! So proud of u whoever you are. 
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Good luck, hope everything works out for you
Your birthday is also your rebirthday! Enjoy the new you girl xxx
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I’ve been with my bf for 12 years no talk of marriage I am fine with it but you state he doesn’t want to spend time with you or the kids would rather be working or with friends why would you want to marry him? This is a good thing move forward
You literally just gave yourself the best birthday present EVER! I celebrate with you and I grieve with you. You can do this! The hardest part is already done!
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So you want a piece of paper to prove something? “Cheaper to keep her” is a saying because now you’ve got kids and visitation to deal with. 
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Never ask a man if he plans to marry you. He doesn’t have any intention of doing so. Move on and find your happiness. Wish you the best
Why be with someone who doesn’t value you the way you value them? Time to move on
Goodluck to you…you.deserve to be loved and have it shown to you. Life is too short to be unhappy.
This is incredible! So many positive changes can happen when someone realizes their worth. I am so proud of you! Your showing your kids that you don’t treat people that way. You need to be that example for them. Tomorrow is a new day! Have a very Happy Birthday! Make this year the best year ever. Too many women stay in shyt relationships. You are the only one who can make a change. Watch the abundance that comes your way now. Thank you for knowing your worth. 
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You teach people how to treat you!! Let that sink in!
You taught him how to treat you, the least you would take to stay. What are you will to do to teach him how to treat you the way YOU want to be treated?! If you dont stick to it, or be willing to walk away you have proven to him without a doubt he doesnt have to put effort forward because you will never value yourself. Why should he or anyone if you dont
He was going to propose on your birthday.
Good luck. Hope all goes well for you and the children
Girl you don’t need him… you go be the queen and take care of you and those kids
I could have written this. We have been together 12 yrs this August and have 3 kids and if he hasn’t shown any intention of making a commitment then he has 6 months to figure out what he really wants and then I’m done. He is the only person I have slept with I don’t want anyone ekse but I don’t want to be in a relationship that goes no where
Life’s too short to be unhappy
I would be checking out his activities then checking out myself no commitments there
I was with one 23 years and the conversation never came up… if its not broke dont fix it
I can understand where you are coming from. But have you every talk to him about marriage? Did you ever talk to him about everything & anything.? I also understand why you left…But talking/communication is everything. Now if you did that & got nothing back…that makes this even worst. His loss.
Let us know how things go? Just wondering if you had told him what would be deal breaker? Stay safe🙏
I’m proud of you! You deserve soo much better! Good luck on your new journey:heart:
you sound like me only I married him I worked like a slave raised 6 kids after 23 yrs he tossed me out with nothing but my kids no house no car no money. we made it then after my family was all grown and married I met a wonderful man We had 35 happy years my kids and grandkids all loved him and he them. You never know what God has in store if you trust in him.
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Why buy the cow when you can get the milk free
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My x did the same thing after 3 and a half years. When I was pregnant with our son he said before I gave birth we would be engaged, then it was before he was 6months old, then before he was 1 and our son is turning 2 shortly and now he don’t want to get married as he been engaged once so don’t want to do it again after lying to me for over 3yrs that he wanted to knowing that’s what I wanted for us. I ain’t gonna be good enough to live with, give you your 1st son, be with for over 3yrs after trailing thro shit to get this far after 13years of history together… only for this shit to happen! Forget it and forget us so get out
He’s doing you a favour
Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free . Old A adage rins true young people just dont get it. Shacking up when self respect for yourself is so much better than roommate’s
You are not stupid!! Love makes us do crazy things sometimes… good for u a lot of women never find the strength or there worth you go girl!!
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Why should he marry u? U should never had kids with him in first place.
Marriage is old skool be happy with him dont try change him or pressure him he will run for the ski Fields maybe further 
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marriage is a bit of paper nothing would change married or not…
Congratulations on your courage and self esteem coming clearly back . Your kids will eventually if not already respect your decision and bravery . You deserve better . I was with someone for decades with the “ girlfriend “ thing too . Its demeaning kids or not . He left me before I got the courage to do it myself . Sure I loved him but never felt valued .Good luck moving forward. I disagree with the other women who talk about marriage as just a paper as that wasn’t your real issue . I hear you that he didn’t make you feel like a family , spent too much tile with his buddies , not enough with the kids & thoughtless such as your birthday not being celebrated by him without need for you asking . They should want to do all those things on their out of love and thoughtfulness . You have every right to expect more . You deserve more and so do the kids . I was unhappily married and he also was too busy hanging out with his friends instead of his family etc .
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so why t dh do u wanna be a wife to that person who dsnt give a crud about you? i wd be filing for divorce instead if i was his wife, girl! u better than what he treats u like
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It going to mess with you head but you’ll get over it you are worth being you not someone else’s wife.
It going to mess with your kids heads but you’ll be teaching self respect, respect for others, self love.
It going to take a lot of strength to allow yourself to be on your own but you deserve it, don’t go looking to replace him with what seems better there is few to find. Good luck xx 
I’ve only been in mine for 1.5 years but I never hear I miss you honey or I love you except for right before he hangs up the phone…
I know my heart is in a very different place than his and I always feel like I’m being compared to his late wife even though she’s been gone over 12 years.
The only thing worse than being in a bad relationship 12 years, is 12 years and 1 day! Move on girl… you will never see what lies ahead if you look in your rearview mirror… keep going, and never look back.
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Bless you and your children. Marriage is not always the fix, as you have found out. Hate to admit it, but I’ve been married four times. My best friend and I were married and together for over 25 yrs and never could replace what we had. Also, you children will respect you more. Good luck.
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God Bless you and give you the strength you needed move forward! You gave him too much so he became ungrateful and disrespectful! It took me 13 yrs …so glad I left with my kids …he will try to get you back and promise you things he would never deliver… hold your head high and keep walking… he doesn’t deserve you! Best of luck:heart:
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It does not matter that you are his wife or not it has to do with how you are treated, it seams like you have been his wife in a lot of ways for you to be together for 12 yrs.and that the two of you have a family but he is not a family man, he is the one who needs to realize that he has a family and they should be more important than friends. I have been married to the same man for a long time and we raised our children together, he worked and I worked but we made time to have family time and time together just the two of us. We have had a wonderful life together and as a family we never have taken each other for granted Our life together has been give and take each one has to pay attention to the other and be there for each other if you are not getting the attention or love back that you give then you should leave and make yourself happy. Life is really to short not to be happy just take care of your children and make them happy too teach them what it is to have love.
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Depending on which state you live in, there could be a Common Law marriage law. Just because he never married you does NOT mean you don’t have any rights to his property or money 
Look into this BEFOREHAND!! Free legal advise is usually available. You let him make you into a live in maid with benefits. Some men need a horse to kick them in the head before they have any sense.
Do what is best for YOU & KIDS!! Please look into Common Law Wife thing…best wishes for you 
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I agree with the post from Colleen Cormier -Rada …sounds like you’ve been thinking of this …maybe even talked about leaving before.? I want to say make “2020” the year for CHANGE…we all have been through so much…“Sick and Tired of being Sick and Tired”…you deserve the BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!!! You are doing the right thing…your children deserve a harmonious childhood with memories that will help them during trying times as an adult. You’ve Got This! God Bless you and your Children…May your Dreams Come True!
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Ugh! I’m so sorry that you are feeling this way! On the flip side, I am so happy for you taking your health and happiness into your own hands! Your children will see what having a happy Mom looks like! I spent almost 10 years in a marriage that ended loveless. I was then a single Mom for three years until I found my one true love of my life. I am proud of you!!
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I was in a similar situation for over 10 years …had 4 children! One day I realized I had made a huge error thinking the kids were better having their dad “around “.
I realized I was showing my children that this is how a marriage was to be 
I am blessed to have found my best friend…22 years of marriage. YOU ARE RIGHT…create your happy ending xoxo
Much love!
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That truly does suck. There are some exceptions, like my aunt and uncle they have been together almost 60 years I think? My uncle has proposed quite a few times she always said no. It doesn’t mean that she doesn’t love him or respect him, she just thinks like my husband that the ring doesn’t make the marriage you do. So they have been together via common law marriage for 60 years, 4 kids still took my uncles last name and everything and 6 grandkids life is good for them. So remember there is a bright side.
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My dumbass stayed for 17 years with that kind of man.
That was a whole lifetime ago! TYJ
Met my soulmate 18 months ago
He moved me into his home in May. Liked packed up my belongings and furniture and moved me in lol
We moved into our own home in November and yes marriage is our future.
My dad loves him and my dad hated both of my exes
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Honey, it sounds like you know what you want to do. Only you can answer this for yourself. But listen to your gut. Maybe have a conversation with him about it and go from there. If there’s no change, it sounds like that’s a deal breaker for you. Either way, I’m praying for you through this. It’s not easy. But if you’re not happy, you’re not happy and you need to do what needs to be done so you can be happy. A happy mother is the best gift you can give yourself and your kids.
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It’s good you are taking these steps for yourself. There are some men that just never want to put in the full effort. My guess it he’ll come begging, but you need to have long adult discussions with him if he does, about what you want and expect, because even if he puts the ring on your finger, it doesn’t mean the behavior will change, unless you are very clear about it. But if you don’t reconcile, and that might be best, you can find someone who will treat you and your kids with the love and respect you deserve. Just try to make sure the kids don’t get put in the middle of anything with their father, as he may try to do. I don’t know why, but this kind of man seems to like to do that. You need to be clear with him about the rules about keeping the kids away from any arguing and not trying to influence them against each other. I hope you find happiness and the love you want.
Once again,I have more ideas of Life:
Now that you actually left.
This was a huge step. Hope you were able to go to Friends and or Family.
Reassuring the Children is your top Priority. Putting your needs first.
That Means:
Exercising to relieve the Stress
Taking care of your Appearance. Trying to forgive out some type of work that you can supplement your income
Legally following through what your Options Are. Wic, Food Stamps, all different options are available.
Wishing you patience, guidance
You already have The Courage! Text me anytime
Lifes to short. Give him either your way or the highway after 12 yrs & 3 kids he has it made. On your birthday tell him you’re going out with your friends & he can babysit
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Also my husband and I waited almost 8 years before we got married. It wasnt forced. We just both wanted the family commitment since we have kids together.
I support your decision 100%, everyone should know their worth and if you’re not being treated as such it’s time to go find the life you deserve.
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I think you are right to leave. You can not change people. They have to want to change. You and your children are worth more. Be strong. You can make it.
You go girl, but go to court so that the law can take effect in helping you to share the property that you guys acquired together, you are not doing this for you but for your children, many blessings to you love and all the best.
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No relationship is perfect… do what you gotta do I WAS married to a man that was like that…not at first but eventually when strangers treat you better… but I walked for myself not another man just myself… waited 2 years and the met a guy dated for 5… now I am with a man for 13 yrs but still happy we travel and enjoy life… just enjoy life marriages aren’t perfect either
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Well…
I “dated” someone for 13 yrs. Never really thought about marriage. I guess it just depends on the person. Needless to say, it didn’t work out.
Good for you! I was in a similar situation for longer than I care to admit. I left over a decade ago and married the man of my dreams. We have a wonderful marriage and o just wish I would’ve done it sooner.
Because you have been with him for so many years with children you should check to see what to do in case you want to leave. Once you have filed for child support he might realize that he does want to keep the family together. Then it is up to you.
Hey there. So I’m watching Relationships goals by Pastor Michael Todd it’s so amazing. He mentioned “dating is an event. It was not meant to be a lifetime journey. Marriage is the result. If he hasn’t put a ring on it. Thank God and move on!! You’re a Queen! And queens deserve better!
o boy i have a friend who put up with that for 20years and finally lleft i woould suggest that you sit him down and a.lthough it might hurt a lot get the facts before you act he sounds like he never grew up and acts single like he is missin g out
Yup you’re just the stand in until someone he really wants comes along. Cut your losses and find someone that actually wants the things that you do. “I do everything for him” yeah that’s the problem. You’re handy to have around. Stop being useful to him and I bet he’s gone in a flash. Dump him now and get yourself some counseling so you don’t end up in the same situation with the same kind of guy.
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You go!! And when he starts telling you he will change cause he didn’t know hats how you felt about it… you start running!!! Don’t fall for his sad story… it he cared he would of showed you while he had you for 12 years
I stayed with my husband for 18yrs. A wedding ring didn’t changenour situation. I am glad you are getting out and finally respect yourself enough to leave.
After Reading some other responses to your Posting: Take the Correct Steps in order.
Research everything. There are Free Aid Legal Agency’s.
Have a Family discussion with your family and listen closely.
Talk to him, Hove him a Chance to give you reasons
I’m sorry, but by the time I was with my guy for 12 years, we’d been married 11 years, and had three daughters. I wish you luck in whatever you choose to do, that works for you.
I guess he don’t want such a big commitment. Let’s just have 3 kids instead 🤦
Maybe his Patents had a difficult Marriage
Go to a Church or Rabbi for Counseling
Take it step by Step. You may be surprised at the result.
Married or not, children or not, investing in a relationship and working at it takes two people. We all have to reach the end of that rope before we can move in a different direct. Stand strong, show your children love and things will get better. I applaud you. It is a difficult road but rewarding in the long run.
I know exactly how you feel although we were married, after 22 years, I sought out better. Yes go and get better.
Oh my goodness, I would had notice this a long time ago and gotten out. But that’s me. No man is going to treat me like that.
12 years and he hasn’t proposed I would’ve be gone at the 2 year mark and I sure as hell wouldn’t have laid down and made 3 kids with him ! Good thing is you got your babies and they got you !
my fiance was some what slow…i started being busy a day here and there…A proposal!
You and your kids are better off without him. It sounds like he doesn’t want to have anything to do with you and the kids.
Everyone has their limit. You reached yours. Go and don’t look back.
I did this 4.5 years ago after 10 yrs of a stalled relationship. Do it live with no more regrets.
From the legal point if anything happens to him or you, the family decides and any finances you build go to next of kin, in my case we have no kids and buying a home so to secure our futures I’m going to say yea this time he’s asked why we haven’t but we had no assets between us, so now that we do I’ll be more apt to yes, health insurances as well only thing is tax time forget it joint taxes is a huge bummer … The feds pride single filers the marriage tax isn’t what it was the first time I was married … So there are good with bad weigh them all not just a ring anymore .
In was in one for 40 years worse. Mistakes I ever made
& yet you stay in the situation…why should he change?
Took me 15 years in a wasted one to find my worth
Why doesn’t he want to be married?
Congratulations on taking care of yourself so your Children see how to be treated right. God bless you
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When I met my husband 23 years he was married but separated! I struggled with that because I know men lie and will tell you anything. I didn’t know what his relationship was with his “wife” or if I should continue to see him or to break it off. My heart was already in it and a married man went against everything that I believed in. I continued to date him and he lived with roommate’s he never showed anything interest but in being a great father to his children. Our relationship got serious and moved in together and blended our children we were the Brady bunch and for 5 years of our relationship he was still legally married. I thought to myself I want more I just don’t want to play house what are we doing here?? I sat down and I possed the question what are we doing and what is his intentions because I wanted more and if he didn’t let me go so that I could have what I wanted marriage. To make a long story longer the divorce was filed and I had an engagement ring and married 6 months to the day of his divorce. We just celebrated our 17th anniversary and together now for 23 years and I can say happily ever after. Sometimes you have to stand up for what you believe in. I believe my husband already has a failed marriage and had fear about the next step idk if I didn’t press him what it would be but I’m glad I did.
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