He’s not right for you
Get a divorce and start your life over with someone that appreciates u. He’s an ass. It’s better to be alone than miserable. Good luck to u.
I hope you have the strength to say that this is not enough. You deserve more- with him or someone else. 
1 Like
Sister trust your instincts
You’re torturing yourself in a toxic relationship where you’re the only one giving…
You deserve better dearie
There are better men out there than the fcking bastard, he will one day regret how he treated you…
You Deserve Better
1 Like
It’s like I could have written this word for word. I wish I could help, but it would mean nothing coming from me, since I’m still living it
2 Likes
Only you can change You, you can’t change him. Get out now there is nothing there for you but HURT.
Oh no he needs to go, all of this sounds terrible. You deserve better than that
End it. Hell, it’s been over for a long time. You deserve better. Not to mention your kids. They’re watching-which means they’re learning. You’re both teaching them how to treat their future partners, and it’s not a good look. I know it’ll be hard but you’ll both be happier and thankful in the long run. I’ve been there. Trust me. It gets better
1 Like
So my wife told me about this post and asked her if I could reply so here I go. First and foremost, know your worth, nobody should ever have to question if their partner loves you or not. You only have one life, you shouldn’t live it by feeling empty all the time. Also, idk if you’re staying because yall have kids, but I assure you, that’s not a valid reason. If you’re miserable at home, your kids will feed off that and they’ll think yalls relationship is the norm. There’s plenty of men that would find a woman like you irresistible and love your kids as their own. Your husband is cheating on you still. There’s no married man I’ve ever heard of going without sex for months without cheating. Know Your worth, you and your children deserve better than this.
Leave and be happy . Someone out there is wishing he had someone just like you to love and give you everything you need 
You need to do what’s right for you. You deserve a happy and fulfilled life. You have stated you don’t love him. So why do you stay? Stop trying to use him and his actions for a reason to leave. You need to do it for you. You don’t need to keep getting hurt from him. Time to have the life you want.
1 Like
He’s just not that into you. You deserve so much more from someone
2 Likes
Mental abuse get out
3 Likes
In my opinion, you should have left when he cheated. I’m sorry to say, he doesn’t love you. He has settled into a routine with you. Unless how things are now is how you want them to be, it’s time to leave. You’ve brought the issues to his attention, he has chosen not to correct the issues or even work towards correcting the issue. He doesn’t care. Somewhere out there, is a man that worship the ground you walk on and you’ll never, and I mean NEVER have to question if he loves you or not. Go find that man. And if you’re worried about your children, remind yourself that they will be happy to see their mother happy.
2 Likes
this is all I see while reading this… it was not a mistake that you had a baby but it was a mistake that he married you. He has been showing you and it’s better that you are waking up and smelling the coffee. Get your divorce and co parent. You deserve happiness
1 Like
Not overthinking it. And don’t think for one second that just cause he goes straight to wirk and straight home he ain’t cheating. There’s breaks and lunch breaks. Get out
2 Likes
Enough is enough, the signs are there, you are now punishing yourselve. You deserve to be happy, piss him off. Just saying
1 Like
Doesn’t sound like he feels the same way anymore unfortunately. It sounds like he is giving his attention to others and the light isn’t there any longer.
1 Like
Time to tell him to leave 
1 Like
Divorce him before your mental health becomes so bad that you’ll never recover.
1 Like
I think this is one of those times where you can give and give and give but it’s time to move on. You deserve better for yourself and kids.
3 Likes
It sounds like he resents you.
1 Like
Take a week’s vacation by yourself,pray and write things out make up your mind for yourself and act on it.
He isn’t into u if a man can’t hug n kiss u n love up on u then there is no love there from him!!! U need a man who is gonna say I love u dally n a kiss
1 Like
Well thats just it…he doesn’t love you and it seems like you are just his room mate. Idk what to tell you otherwise though and I’m sorry
1 Like
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It can’t be easy. It truly sounds like a nightmare! 10 years and three kids can make you feel like you don’t have any options, but I promise: YOU DO!! Life is way shorter than any of us realize. The pain of starting over is well worth not experiencing any more emotional damage from this narcissistic, inconsiderate, sorry excuse for a man. Hit the reset button and work on loving yourself. I am living proof that there is something way better for you right around the corner. However, you’ll never know what that is until you end the chapter you’re currently in. God bless you. You and your three kids are in my prayers! You can do this! It was brave of you to ask for advice, it will take even more courage and strength to take action and make some serious changes so you don’t have to endure any more pain from this relationship. He truly sounds like a horrible man. If you struggle with making the decision for yourself, remember that your son(s) will think this is how women should be treated and your daughter(s) will accept this type of treatment from their husbands. Give them a better example. I left my children’s father over 10 years ago. It was very difficult and extremely painful but looking back it seems like I was asleep, or I was someone else, living someone else’s life, sleepwalking. It was the best decision I ever made in my life. I wish you the best.
This sounds so much like my ex husband. Down to the lack of sympathy and comfort when my dad died.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Only you can decide what is best for you, but I stayed in a loveless, toxic marriage for 18 years. It’s not worth it. I wasted my best years on someone who didn’t deserve me.
Good luck to you. x
4 Likes
You need to let go and move on. Life is to short to live like that.
4 Likes
The day you walk away it will be the day He will appreciate you, men take advantage of us cos we stay too long in such toxic relationship cos we are fearing to be alone
4 Likes
I suggest you read your own post again…. And again…. You have answered your own questions- you are not in a loving relationship- it’s what you deserve, it’s what everyone deserves. I say, leave on your terms before you find yourself left behind! It may not be easy, but it’s something you need to do for yourself 
12 Likes
Get some guy friends 
and honestly, I would leave him. Don’t keep putting yourself through this, girl!
1 Like
My heart breaks for you.
1 Like
I can’t be of any help because I must say I just finished watching sex life on Netflix and boy I am not sure how this would play out now in real life .
You are his wife. If he treats any woman better he’s a POS. He just wants a wife/maid/babysitter for his kids move on to something better.
2 Likes
I feel sorry about your situation. Seek spiritual counseling. Be brave if you must let him go. I could not tolerate such carelessness, being insensitive of his partners need specially the emotional needs.
I was 7 months pregnant when I get separated from an emotionally abusive man. It’s really devastating at first, but as you go along you’ll get better. I made it, believe it or not. My job helps a lot and my family at church to get me going.
Empower yourself.
Virtual hug for you there.
Sorry you are going through this. Must be so horrible 
big hug and love your way
Very sad to read this. While I recognize that this will be hard to walk away from, think of the example y’all are leaving for your kiddos. This is their norm. And it’s not normal. You are their example. Let that be the driving force to whatever you decide to do. You have answered your own questions. Best of luck to you in your decision. Live and let live
Excuse me, but fuuuuuuck that and fuck him! The man has absolutely ZERO respect for you or your marriage. I would of dipped a long time ago. Exactly what is keeping you there? He texts other women offers them emotional support and you’ve never received so much as a flower from him. Like seriously, why stay. What you allow is what will continue. I’m sorry, I don’t know you but nobody deserves this. He isn’t guna change and it’s only matter of time before he cheats physically. Get out now. You deserve better.
You need to move on down your road my dear …
Go find yourself while tending to yourself & your kids …
Sometimes when ur in long term relationships you start to take for granted you’re partner. Sometimes you have to reignite that spark. Make time to start dating him again. Send him flirty texts randomly throughout the day. Bring him lunch to work treat him the way u wish he treated u. If that doesn’t work then it may be time to reevaluate the relationship…seek counseling and try to find what would be best for both of you.
1 Like
I’m so sorry love. Me personally? I would leave. It’s not worth being alone in a marriage. He cheats and doesn’t support you emotionally. God that really sucks.
you have alot to work through and you need to start with yourself first and trust that what ever descions you’ve made or have made are a reflection of what you knew then to what you know now are by products of what you knew was best at the time. He or anyone else is no longer going to be your responsibility … how they fucked up or what they bring to the table. No more will it effect you moving forward. You are responsible for yourself as of today and trust me this wil be so difficult because it’s like detoxing yourself from toxic attachments to people who are no longer serve you for the greater good. I promise if you start putting yourself first . This situation will be a great learning experience that’s brought you to where you need to be next… your situation happens to so many ppl and its not the end of your life… you wil heal from this…you will achieve the confidence and happiness you’ve always wanted. Do this for you and your children…once you start loving yourself the people around you will be a reflection of that love. But it has to start with you. It’s not about him.
He is dipping his wick where it shouldnt belong.
Leave and don’t look back!!!
You’ve answered your own question… also. You say he isn’t cheating cause he only works and comes home, yet every girl he is talking to and flirting with he works with? I mean don’t be naive. I’m sure he probably is sleeping with someone from work. It sounds like he’s checked out. And honestly I feel like you deserve better and would be happier alone… he doesn’t sound like he benefits your life any. My hunny is my best friend and rock. He is always there to pick up the pieces when my life feels like it’s falling apart. You will never find that staying with your douche husband. You deserve to feel loved! don’t waste anymore time being unhappy!
1 Like
Men get comfortable in a long term relationship and begin to feel like they can do whatever they want and you’ll stay/put up with it. You did it once at least that he knows of which confirmed that he can do whatever. They do what you allow.
There’s the door I’m sure u have a front one and back one choose one and don’t look back keep your sanity you will need it its obvious we’re he is and it’s not with you YOU WILL GET THRU THIS I PROMISE
He has checked out and I don’t think he will check back in. U r the only one who can make choices for ur life. The complete disregard to what u r going thru and being such a sweet and loving human to someone else would be enough for me to be outta there.
These are the sad concequences of getting pregnant from a one night stand
1 Like
I’m so sorry. I think you know what to do.
You deserve better than that
I can’t give advice, as my situation didn’t involve kids, but I went through a similar thing with my ex husband for 6 years. I found out in the end he was using me as a live in caregiver for his ill and elderly parents. He didn’t see me as a wife, but a caretaker. It’s painful to think a man can treat his wife like that, but it’s very possible he is doing the same with you. It’s unfortunate and unfair for you. I would suggest an amicable divorce or separation. I’m sorry you are going through this.
2 Likes
Leave, you deserve better.
What is there about him to love? Sounds like nothing to me! Dump him.
I feel bad for you and im sorry u feel this way. Me personally i would look at it like hes still cheating if he can text his female coworkers about there lives and their feelings then yes there is more going on there. I would ask him to leave. You seem really nice and sweet u will find someone better
5 Likes
Girly helping you through your grief is just human decency. If he is more concerned about another woman’s grief than your own, his wife the mother of his children, i think you already know your answer. I’m sorry your going through this and i hope you can make the right decision and stop allowing this man to treat you as anything other than the most beautiful person in the world. The best thing you can do for your children is move on without him, they deserve to see mommy happy not being treated like this. Read your post a few times and maybe you will see how hurtful and ridiculous it sounds (not what you wrote but how you are being treated) that will help you. One thing i learned from some advice make 2 lists one good and one bad and be honest. if the good outweighs the bad then you have your answer if viceversa then you fight for your marriage but remember you can’t be the only one fighting i wish you luck
10 Likes
You already know the answer, you didn’t need to ask us… I hope you actually writing this out helped you realize that you deserve better than this.
I am sorry about that but if i was you i would divorce him if he could not show some difference in his love too mei would tell him if you dont love me just tell me & i will Leave i Am tired of living this way i dont have too.
So sad and you deserve better.
I think if you took the time to write this and ask strangers for advice then you already know the answer. I would honestly get a divorce
A lesson in why one should use birth control--------even the kind that says, “NO!”
Ask him to read this.
Choose Her Every Day (or Leave Her)
I spent 5 years hurting a good woman by staying with her but never fully choosing her.
I did want to be with this one. I really wanted to choose her. She was an exquisite woman, brilliant and funny and sexy and sensual. She could make my whole body laugh with her quick, dark wit and short-circuit my brain with her exotic beauty. Waking up every morning with her snuggled in my arms was my happy place. I loved her wildly.
Unfortunately, as happens with many young couples, our ignorance of how to do love well quickly created stressful challenges in our relationship. Before long, once my early morning blissful reverie gave way to the strained, immature ways of our everyday life together, I would often wonder if there was another woman out there who was easier to love, and who could love me better.
As the months passed and that thought reverberated more and more through my head, I chose her less and less. Every day, for five years, I chose her a little less.
I stayed with her. I just stopped choosing her. We both suffered.
Choosing her would have meant focusing every day on the gifts she was bringing into my life that I could be grateful for: her laughter, beauty, sensuality, playfulness, companionship, and so … much … more.
Sadly, I often found it nearly impossible to embrace – or even see – what was so wildly wonderful about her.
I was too focused on the anger, insecurities, demands, and other aspects of her strong personality that grated on me. The more I focused on her worst, the more I saw of it, and the more I mirrored it back to her by offering my own worst behavior. Naturally, this only magnified the strain on our relationship … which still made me choose her even less.
Thus did our nasty death spiral play itself out over five years.
She fought hard to make me choose her. That’s a fool’s task.
To be fair, she didn’t fully choose me, either. The rage-fueled invective she often hurled at me was evidence enough of that.
I realize now, however, that she was often angry because she didn’t feel safe with me. She felt me not choosing her every day, in my words and my actions, and she was afraid I would abandon her.
Actually, I did abandon her.
Like a precious fragrant flower I brought proudly into my home but then failed to water, I left her alone in countless ways to wither in the dry hot heat of our intimate relationship.
I’ll never not choose another woman I love again.
It’s torture for everyone.
If you’re in relationship, I invite you to ask yourself this question: “Why am I choosing my partner today?”
If you can’t find a satisfying answer, dig deeper and find one. It could be as simple as noticing that in your deepest heart’s truth, “I just do.”
If you can’t find it today, ask yourself again tomorrow. We all have disconnected days.
But if too many days go by and you just can’t connect with why you’re choosing your partner, and your relationship is rife with stress, let them go. Create the opening for another human being to show up and see them with fresh eyes and a yearning heart that will enthusiastically choose them every day.
Your loved one deserves to be enthusiastically chosen. Every day.
You do, too.
Choose wisely.”
-B. Reeves
3 Likes
Get rid of him! You are too good for him. He’s a piece of crap!!!
Please leave this situation so that you can have a chance at happiness.
It has been time to go for years. It won’t het better…and you will be less lonely by yourself.
2 Likes
He absolutely doesn’t want to be there. He’s just settled. Please, don’t stay.
1 Like
Divorce. It won’t change
I’m sorry you’re going through this 
but honestly, you deserve someone better
LEAVE hes a cheater he doesn’t love nor respect you. Your just someone clean house ans watch the kids.
1 Like
Dump his sorry ass! He must be a real dick to treat you that way! You can do better than that! I’m not sure he ever will do better but what do you care!
Omg leave him now! There is a man out there that will shower you with deserving love!! You do NOT need to go on another minute with a man that doesn’t want you. Plain and simple your feelings are spot on.
Couples therapy or divorce are they only options going forward. And honestly it may be too late for reconciliation.
Leave him and move on. Life is too short to spend it worrying about a man who isn’t worried about you.
2 Likes
Run and don’t look back.
2 Likes
Fuck that !!! Dump his ass … sorry I didn’t read but half your message. He’s not worth it. He’s going to console someone else but can’t console his own.
It’s time to walk girl ! Sounds like your just convenient to him and you definitely deserve better ! Everyone deserves to be happy and feel loved !
2 Likes
Yeah you deserve more than that and need to leave
I think he’s just waiting for you to let go first. 
1 Like
Tell him to get lost
You will be happier without him. Dont keep begging, Questioning, snooping, and wondering.
You deserve better. Plain and simple. Just move on.
1 Like
Even if he isn’t having sex he is still cheating because he is flirting with these women and hiding it from you…Soumds like to me he has already crossed those boundaries.
Why do you even stay with James???
1 Like
Wow he is not a good human being im so sorry God would want you to be happy you deserve way better !!
Do you still love him? Sounds like he stayed for the kids. Hun, if you’re not happy, you need to change it.
I can relate to this I’ve been married to my husband for 16 year’s now and he almost doesn’t pay attention to me either. I just feel like he was just using me for his benefits. And if. I were you I would divorce him cause you deserve better than that
Nothing you can say or do to well change him. He’s NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU. He may love you but not the way you want him to. Its only going to hurt more if you stay with him, hoping things well change. He’s not change in 10 years.
I wish you the best. ⚘🌹
4 Likes
Sticking around “for the kids sake”
Only teaches children how to stay or be unhappy and settle. Children deserve to see their mother be loved correctly and happy. Also to see their father love his spouse correctly. It is obvious that you and your partner are both unhappy. Love your children each other enough to separate. Give each other the opportunity to be happy
6 Likes
I was where you are, almost exactly! I got pregnant after our first time and we were married a few months later ( I was 19) After 4 years I had enough. I divorced him and dated him a year later. The next year We got Remarried and just passed our 10 year anniversary, things are better now but he knows I refuse to be treated that way. He doesn’t talk to other females and even though he’s still not super romantic he shows me love. Even if it’s not physical it’s an emotional affair and I refuse to let my boys grow up thinking that’s what love is. You deserve better not only for you but for your kids.
Ditch this man. 
. A man will show you he loves you if he really loves you. 
1 Like
Firstly you have been so strong so give yourself the same love and use your time to pathe your own way. Nothing hurts more then trying to be loved. He knew what could result in sex so that’s not an issue and shouldn’t be. Unless you tricked him into it which doesn’t seem the case. I wish you the strength to give yourself the effort you waste trying to be loved back and no doubt your mind needs a break. All the best. Please stop, one day you may end up with someone who loves you meaningful how you should be loved. Hugs to you. Straighten your Crown and get on out and up💚
Yea! No feelings for you obviously!
Sounds like de doesn’t t even respect you much less love you need to end this. Please don t think your staying for the kids they are not getting what they need either been there done that. Get out while you can
3 Likes
Yuck. Time to move on. Show your kids what it’s like to love yourself and eventually when you’re ready, a relationship of how it should be.
1 Like
And you still live with him why you should have been out of there a long time ago. I can honestly say I’ve been there 12 years of my life that I’ll never get back. Thinking he would change . It never will Free yourself, it’s an amazing feeling,
1 Like
He never loved you you it seems he just did the so called " right thing " because you got pregnant. . Save money and get ready to move on .maybe he can be a good day but he sounds like a bad partner.
Nothing for Xmas bdays nothing for 12 years ?! That’s beyond not being in love with you. That’s just completely fucked up. Not being there for you when your dad died ?! He sounds like a really shitty person honestly. And selfish as hell that he’s not letting you go , to be happy with someone else like you deserve.
Girl sorry to say he’s not into you. Find yourself and move on.
2 Likes
Sounds like he is cheating in more ways than just over text. I would kick him to the curb especially since it does seem like your just a live in house cleaner and nanny.
It sounds like you guys didn’t get to really get to know each other and jumped into a long term commitment without evolving as a couple. That being said have you tried counseling? It sounds like you have totally different love languages and you are out of touch. Only you can decide if you want to to stay or start over but you need to try to date each other and reconnect.
2 Likes
He sounds like a GIANT douche. There’s no f’ing way I’d put up with this s. I’m sorry:((
1 Like