I have been with my husband for 12 years and married for 10 of those years. We also share three children together. When I first got with him, I wasn’t really sure if he really liked me or he was with me because I became pregnant the first time we had sex. Throughout most of our marriage, I would always catch him texting other women, and I would ask him, and he would always tell me that he was just messing around on text with them because he thought it was one of his friends playing a joke on him. I found out that he received oral sex from one of them and the other two he kissed. We worked things out. He changed his phone number, and as far as I knew, everything was going fine. Now fast forward ten years later. I don’t know if he actually loves me, but I sure don’t feel it. The only time I get a hug or a small kiss on the lips is before he leaves to go to work. There’s no holding hands or cuddling while we watch TV. Even when we go to bed, he lays his way. I lay my way; there’s no hug, there’s no kiss, good night, nothing. Just recently, my dad passed away, and my whole world was shattered; and I thought that was going to be the time that my husband was really going to come through and show his love for me. The day after my father passed away, my husband came into the house and told me that I had my day to grieve and now I need to get back to our regular life. If he sees me crying, he doesn’t come and try to console me. He doesn’t do anything to try to make me feel better. The other day I was looking through his text messages, and apparently, one of his coworkers lost her mom, and he has been texting her, checking on her, making sure that she’s okay, letting her know that anytime she needs someone to talk to that he’s always there for her and he’s always asking if she wants to go to breakfast, but he can’t do that for his own wife? I know that he’s not physically cheating on me because he literally goes to work and comes back home, but he texts almost every single female that he works with, and it’s not text-only talking about work their personal texts, and to me, they all seem somewhat flirtatious. I am so confused about what to think. Even with sex, if I don’t initiate it, we can go months without doing anything. I can be completely naked and walk across the room, and he doesn’t even notice me. I’ve tried to sit down and talk to him. I’ve tried to write him letters, and instead of listening to what I have to say, he gets extremely defensive and really mad. And I’m just at the point where I don’t know what to think. My mind isn’t right now, but I don’t feel any love from him; I feel absolutely nothing. If anything, I feel like I’m a live-in housekeeper and nanny for him. Birthdays anniversaries Christmas I’ve never received anything from him in the 12 years that I’ve been with him. I know gifts are just materialistic, but I’d be happy if he even wrote me a handwritten letter just to say I love you. Am I just overthinking this or something wrong? He says he’s just not a romantic person, but all his ex’s all seem to say that he was extremely romantic and that he used to send them flowers and give them teddy bears. To this day I have never received a single flower or teddy bear from him
He doesn’t love you, you need to trust yourself. The first clue is that you don’t feel it… Feelings are a compass and provide us with STRONG feedback from the world, they’re usually right… personally I hold onto the feeling until I get confirmation and evidence of the way I feel… and that evidence is right in front of your eyes. First off, he had a sexual favour from someone that wasn’t you… That’s cheating and enough evidence as it is. Then you have all the texts with his co workers, info from his exe’s, your anecdotes of not getting sex and gifts, and then the biggest giveaway is his anger/defensiveness when questioned. He’s living a lie to you. As a man myself, if I’m interested in my woman, I want to have sex with her, A LOT, when it comes to special occassions I will always buy my partner something, and it will always be thoughtful and based on what I know about them. Here’s a straight fact, you are NOT valuing yourself at all and giving him way too much room to disrespect you, it’ll take months maybe years, but you need to rethink about what you DESERVE in a relationship, and again, to put it to you straight, you are getting NOTHING from this relationship, NO WORDS, NO HONESTY/OPENNESS, NO DISPLAYS OF AFFECTION (sex/gifts), literally nothing. He’s treating you like you don’t matter, WHY ARE YOU STILL WITH HIM.
Honestly, that was terrible advice. They’ve been married 12 years, hes not the victim bc she doesn’t dress up enough… That’s not her issue if he’s no longer attracted to her.
You know the answer to this Or you wouldn’t have reached out on this forum. It upset me to read that he has never gave you any gifts hell he wasn’t even there for you when your father passed. Grief has no time line… Doesn’t sound like a healthy environment for your kids. If you have daughters they will think this is how a man should be… And if you have sons they will treat a woman this way. Worse thing to do is stay together for the kids. Time to move on and do what is best for you…
My heart breaks for you. Why have you stayed so long? That man very clearly doesn’t love you or cares about you. He’s probably actually cheating on you, while at work. Love yourself, you don’t need him, he’s just wasting your time, you could be with someone that actually loves you.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I have been with my husband for 12 years but I don't think he loves me: Advice?
The moment I read he was messaging other women because he thought it was his “friends” and received oral from someone else AND kissed two other people. Boy bye.
He’s humiliating you and has zero respect for you.
I think you need to go find your own happiness
That is no way to live you deserve better than that
I think you have your answer in everything you just said. He clearly doesn’t care for you and is only in it for the children.
He is a hot mess ! Time to say goodbye
My advice is move on. This man does not love you and life is too short to spend it being lonely.
Get rid of him. Hes shown you who he really is and is in the mind of " well shes staying around so I’ll keep doing it". Nothing is going to change unless you change it yourself. I’m sorry this is happening to you. Hes giving you all the signs it’s sad to say it’s time to go
I was dealing with that and I’m now divorced…know your worth girl and find someone better.
After reading that, if you don’t voluntarily leave him, I’d come drag you out of that marriage.
Why are you sticking around?
What would you tell your children to do? 
So sorry have you been to a counselor
Divorce!! U and the babies deserve to be happy. U momma r there role model show them how to be treated by a man.
Sorry to hear this. I think its time to move on. Sounds like ge wants to please ever other woman but his own.
You just wrote all your whys to leave. . Be happy love. Life is too short to live with someone not good enough for you xx
Time to leave and find your happiness
Leave. Run for that matter, sis he don’t give a damn about you.
Wow the moment i saw him texting the comfort he couldn’t offer you to another woman his bags would be packed and I’d be completely done
None of what he does to you has anything to do with love. I’m so sorry.
Ur Sick! Get some Help! And LEAVE THE FUCKER!!!
In your mind you know it’s over. The hardest part is how to move on with you and the kids. That’s the hardest part to be able to have the confidence, financial means and the knowledge to move on. There is women’s helplines and counsellors out there and government websites which will help you be able to you with what choices you have to move on. Mental abuse is real and there is help. You know the answer it’s just the help to do it…
Text flirting is still cheating. There’s a fine line between overstepping and being supportive/there for someone.
I would leave. He sounds like an ass.
Go out and enjoy your happiness.
this makes me soo sooo soo sad 
how old is your baby? You need to be happy that sounds like a horrible horrible life I can’t even imagine
doesn’t sound good to me especially since he is texting and giving other women the things you need emotionally and none for you. I know it’s hard to leave especially with 3 kids together but you can do it–and you will be surprised how much happier you will be.
Listen to Gods Voice not mines:flushed:
Leave!!! You know you deserve better. You deserve a man who genuinely cares about you. He is NOT that man. Stop watching year after year go by. Love yourself. Good luck
People will treat you exactly how you allow them to. Tough love but there’s no way in hell I would put up w that. He’s emotionally cheating on you, already has physically. kick him to the curb
Throw the whole man out 
I’m sorry. This sounds awful. U deserve more
12 years? You should ot have given him 12 minutes. Dump him, save yourself.
Oh honey. He doesn’t love you.
Don’t ever think they don’t have time. He could be leaving work early or anything. Leave
You sound exactly like me when my boyfriend was cheating on me. It’s okay to want it to work, but you can’t force him to like/love you. Do your own thing and take care of your kids. Do what makes you happy. Treat him how he treats you, minus the texting other men (in your case). It will hurt but you will regain your confidence and be better off overall. Do that for your kids sake if not for yours.
If your asking your self you already know the question. Do what’s needed.
Run and even if he isn’t sleeping with other women he cheating get out now
The best for you and kids is to leave him it’s easier said than done but you will be ok abs liberated
Leave sweet heart find real love that’s what you deserve. Staying together just for a child is not the answer don’t let that child think that’s what love is spoussed to be like. Find real true love.
Cheating the first time should have been your clue.
Throw the whole man out like today.
If you truly want to know I would do to him what he’s doing to you other men start acting as if you were single but I really think you know your answer and it’s okay to want to be validated in how you feel but don’t question yourself ever if in you gut and heart tells you he doesn’t love you and the good isn’t out waying the bad then my dear I think you know you need to leave but you will have to make that decision for yourself. No matter what 10000 of women have to say you have to know when you are done and your heart has had enough
He’s cheating in ma y ways I would say play your cards good and leave and take care of your kids and yourself (selfcare) it usually doesn’t get better
Leave. Seriously. You deserve better. That man does not love you. Remember. If he wanted to, he would.
Girl, texting with another female IS cheating! He knows he can get away with it bc he did before, now is your time to shine, leave that ass!
I feel like this is my marriage story. Lots of forgiveness, lots of being looking past and just thinking he was different. He waited until we were pregnant with our 5th kid to drop the bombshell news. He was an emotional relationship with someone half way across the country. Guess what it became nothing, and he wanted me back. No thanks. Last time I let a man control me! But now I’m engaged to a saint of a human being who worships the ground I walk on… there is man who will treat you that way!! Just need to end this and start fresh! It’s hard, it’s sickening, but I assure it will get better and you will feel better!!!
You deserve better and more. Your children deserve for YOU to be happy!!! I don’t care to me this is a form of cheating as well. He has no business talking to any other women like that!!!
Boy this sounds like my marriage.
Divorce!! I would have hired a Private Investigator the moment I found out about him cheating and put the divorce in then. No matter how much he promises to change, DON’T GO BACK!
You need to go .god loves you he does not want in relatioship that treats you wrong .it is hard he is the father he can still be in theire lives you just dont need him in yours he is playing games and as long as you take it it will continue.pack his stuff and ive had enough you need to go
Throw him in the trash girl don’t waste any more of your time you and your kids are better off without him
I think you know the answer it’s time to move forward and leave him behind
What you allow is exactly what will continue
LEAVE He won’t change
Sweetie and you let him getting you pregnant 3 times?
No, from what you said he doesn’t love you nor he likes you. He’s obviously not physically attracted to you.
You’re wasting precious time. You can always move on and find your happiness.
There is someone to make you happy, to give you compliments, to give you flowers and presents without being asked and that man isn’t the one you have right now.
I know what it feels to be with someone and yet feeling so lonely. That kills you emotionally.
I hope you find the strength to move on, and leave this jerk. Because you really sound like a good person.
Best of lucks!
Not even gonna lie, I am the way your husband is. I don’t crave or need affection to be in love. We do the deed, but honestly, other than that like, I’m good. I realize I could work on it, and if it was an issue, I would do more. So… bring it up to him, because he may not know you need that affection.
Walk away now before you end up wasting even another 12 months on him your worth so much more
I think you already know. Now to find the courage to do something about it
Here’s my honest answer that I’d tell u if u were my sister. What do you need and is he fulfilling that? Regardless if he “loves” you or not ; if he’s not meeting your needs and you are feeling alone then something needs to change. If he’s not willing to listen and try to meet u half way then the relationship is broken. I say try again to speak to him about how you feel. Start every sentence with “I feel, …I need …” this way it’s not accusatory and if nothing changes then you may need to exit and find someone who is head over heels in love with you. You are not alone and you’d be shocked how many people live in a loveless relationship but just deal with it because it’s routine.
If y’all not having sex how you have 3 kids
Do yourself a favor and leave…not for him not for anyone else but for you, your health, your happiness, your right to do what’s good for you because all of that didn’t sound like it at all. Don’t stay and be miserable for the rest of your life, he’s already showing & telling you how he sees you…you’re going to drive yourself crazy trying to love someone who is showing you he doesn’t feel the same 
I’m sorry you’re going through that. Do what’s best for you, it’s going to hurt you even more now but save you later…
Dump him immediately!! Everyday you are wasting precious minutes of your life that you will never get back. And wasting time with the wrong man instead of enjoying it with the right one. I’ve been there . Get out while you still have a life 
Sounds like a narcissist. When you finally do leave you’ll realize what real happiness feels like… trust me
You deserve SO much better . But you have to realize that first . If you don’t you will have wasted your life on a loveless marriage. Everyone deserves love , happiness, snuggles , laughs , smiles , and flowers at least once !!! You’re better off being alone and having no man at all then deal with that bull crap . Love yourself again honey , once you do your world will open up !
Leave. You deserve someone that will show you that they love you every day. Also he is cheating on you in many ways. Love yourself and give yourself the life you deserve.
Girl know your value. He is taking advantage of you. Please know there is decent men out there that give a damn. This so called man is disgusting and so unsupportive to you. You got this ! You are strong enough to leave. It may not feel like it but you are (I literally just went through this myself) x
Honestly…Im at the point where I believe that most men do cheat.
But you are his WIFE and he is already treating you like you are his EX.
You deserve SOOOO much better than that!!!
And life is took
I think you’ve know all these years but you were in denial. And that’s ok sometimes takes time to understand and come to the realization that it is not meant to be. And in all honesty once a cheater is ALWAYS a cheater. It is now time for YOU to put YOURSELF first. IF HE WANTED TO HE WOULD! If he hasn’t changed in 12yrs he NEVER will. It is time to go and not waste anymore of you life with a man like that. He is treating other women better then his wife…no honey he needs to go. Men will always blame us women for their mistakes, their poor choices don’t let this man make you feel this way. Once you hit him with the divorce paper he will beg you not to leave but baby girl he doesn’t deserve you!! Get a therapist to help while you get out if this Horrible relationship. Good luck
This is so sad to me! Girl pack your bags, he absolutely is not in love with you! You deserve to be someone’s queen and for them to treat you like one!! I know it’s really hard to think about leaving, I’ve been with my SO for 12 years also and he tells me every day he loves me and he’s so lucky to have me, Im beautiful, etc… and I’d your not getting that it hurts and you feel less of a spouse because of it. It’s going to be hard, but you will heal & so will your kids, when they finally see how happy you are, with yourself, they will be so happy too! I can’t imagine going through this but there is def a time for things to end & this sounds like your end to this relationship. Try as hard as you can to keep things civil for the kids but sit him down n tell him it’s not working anymore, he’s obviously not happy bcus if he was he wouldn’t be this way to you & your obviously not happy or you wouldn’t feel this way and asking strangers on the internet if you should leave your relationship. Just start preparing to leave and getting your ducks in a row, start saving so you can get your own place, or if he’s the one to leave so you can at least pay your bills without him, maybe talk to a lawyer about child support, your going to need all the help you can get. Good luck girl, wishing you all the best!!!
You’re wasting you life away with someone that doesn’t even look in your direction.
There’s so many people out there that would kiss the ground you walk on.
You know what you need to do. Leave 10 years ago!
It’s time for separation or divorce. There’s no saving this marriage
Tell him things need to change write it down if nothing move on, life’s to short to feel unloved
Divorce him ask the lawer for someone to follow him
I think it’s time to just go he is taking advantage of you. Find your own happiness. I don’t know how you have even lasted this long. I think it’s time you told him that you need a divorce and the least thing he can do is move out let you and the kids stay in the house. Who know maybe the separation will be a big weight lifted for you you deserve to be loved and someone out there is waiting to love you the way you deserve. Give that to your self put your self first you can do it x
Now that is totally unacceptable this is wayyyy beyond to much
Listen to your woman instincts what ur mind tells u do, Do it!!!
He is cheating in every way possible in front of u behind u, u name it…
Big cheater, Small cheater is always a CHEATER,
U said he goes to work an comes back home straight but yet he texts every Single female in his workplace, Thats Enough to know what is going on in his WorkPlace with him an his female workers…
PERSONALLY
REACH OUT TO A MARITIAL COUNSELAR FOR HELP GIRL u got kids Because Emotional and Mental abuse is REAL…
This soooo Awful and sad really it is…
Whatever way u choose i wish u all best love …⚘
Oh my gosh!!! My heart breaks for you!! If you want the truth I’m going to tell you…
No, he doesn’t love you! It honestly doesn’t even sound like he likes you. You will NEVER have to question someone that loves you because you will feel it in their actions! He is 100% not faithful, even IF (and that’s a huge IF) It’s not physical. He is selfish and completely unmotivated by his family and YOU SHOULD AT THIS VERY SECOND, MOTIVATE HIS ASS OUT THE DOOR!!!
WHAT YOU ALLOW WILL CONTINUE SO NOW, ITS ON YOU…Is this you & your kids life or do you all deserve better???
LEAVE HIM RIGHT FKN NOW!!!
Disgusting that he treats you this way! I’m so very sorry!!
Why would you want to live the very short life we have like that?
Please don’t waste anymore of your life with this man. It makes me so sad reading this especially about losing your Dad and how he treated you, then how he treated his coworker with her loss. Leave him, it will be hard for you and the kids at first but in the long run you will be so much happier. This is not how you should be treated in a relationship, in my opinion it’s mental abuse, in your own text you realize he doesn’t love you and it’s just convenient for him!
My first marriage was a failure, and now after 5 years with a loving faithful man I can promise you what your describing is not what marriage to the right person is.
Tell him to hit the road!!!
How are your children supposed to know and understand happiness if they don’t know what it looks like. You deserve to be treated better. They deserve to see you really happy I can’t imagine I will pray for you.
Sorry to be blunt, but, once a cheater, always a cheater. Please go on with your life without him.
Dump him while you’re young enough to make a new life. Don’t wait 50 years like I did.
If he’s defensive when you approach him and offering consolation and friendship, compliments, willing to spend time with, every female he sees except you….he knows how to act, he’s choosing to withhold that from your relationship. Some men simply don’t know how to provide that, however, it seems that’s not the case. If he’s choosing not to be your actual partner, he isn’t fulfilling the necessary role of a partner. If that truly is the case, why would you want to sign on for a lifetime of that? I personally couldn’t do it.
It’s time to free yourself up for someone who WILL love you and WILL show you. I know divorce with children involved is hard, but you’re also showing them a loveless marriage. That’s what they will come to not only expect but also show in return. You don’t want that for them. They, and you, deserve better. I’m not one who is pro-divorce “just because”. Try to talk to him about how his actions are making you feel; ask him to try counseling. If he won’t go, or tries to put the blame in any way back in you, then you have your answer: He doesn’t see your marriage being worth at least trying to do whatever it takes to make it work and to fall in love again. Again, consider what that is showing to your children. If you wouldn’t want this for them, don’t settle for yourself either.
Sounds like mine talking to all these females. It’s over between us though. The kids and I will be moving soon. He better keep that same energy. It’s sad but I have nothing else to give.
get out ASAP YOU deserve a better life w someone who loves you back there’s a old saying DOGS DONT CHANGE THEIR SPOTS Move on
Leave, yes it’s hard especially with kids but they aren’t seeing the way a real marriage should be…if you wouldn’t want your children in a marriage like that then why would you stay? They will understand eventually, but you need to find someone who does love you and staying in that marriage is not helping.
Oh my, he is still cheating. I’m sorry it’s time to end things or be miserable. Trust me you don’t want to live this way.
Tell him how you feel! Share your pain without blaming him. Be safe and love yourself first. Prayers:heart:
Maybe you need to help him bag his bag and tell him that it’s time for a break you need time to grief and all he is doing is making you feel you don’t matter first go talk to a lawyer get things processed that way he can still be responsible for his actions stand your ground your beautiful and u need someone that’s going to make u feel that way all the time
You are better off without him. It’s obvious he has made his way to putting you last. Don’t give in or beg for him to stay. He doesn’t want you so you don’t need him. Put all the joint accounts in your name only. Shut off everything in your name. Move out and file for a divorce. He is just mad because you caught him.
Girl leave him smh 
Should have never stayed with him when he cheated. He showed you right then that he didn’t care about you.
Sounds like my life… if ur able leave… don’t stay in misery. I’m telling u from my experience… I’m still der doh know why but wouldn’t advise anybody to go thru this emotional grief… they will console other women but not u… they will also tell other women in the same situation they have u that they should leave… ur husband is selfish… darling from me to u Leave… I know exactly what u going thru… it drains u emotionally… have u wondering ur self worth… times even feeling suicidal.
Well maybe not u but me. I use to think so… soon ur able… walk away… it won’t be easy but do it for u… I’m saying to u I’m in the same situation… it’s not worth it… it’s not…
That’s so sad. There is someone out there who will love you the way you need to be loved. If he does love you, which is iffy, it’s not how you need to be loved. It’s nice he stuck around, but it would be kinder if you both found what you needed with other people. Life is just too short.
Hes a jerk. Youd be better off without him to damage your self eesteem. Make a plan to start living for your kids and yourself. If he really loved you he could do better.
Oh honey. You don’t deserve that. And I hate to say it but I don’t think he loves you. If he did he wouldn’t do those things and he definitely wouldn’t give you one day to grieve for your father but be there for a girl from work. You can do better sweetheart don’t let that man take one more second.
I’m sorry but did you really need to come on here and get your answer. It’s very obvious I understand you may not see it cause of the love for him BUT he doesn’t have love for you. I’m sorry but get out with your kids! I’m sorry you had to feel that way for 12 years but you should have left after that first baby with him!