My ex husband and current wife are very close with my kids and I, they have 2 children and he and I have 2 children. Recently they have went thru a bit of a rough patch in life and I now have custody of their kids. The problem is the 11 year old is not potty trained. She will sit right next to you and poo her pants. She doesn’t care that it’s gross. She doesn’t care that she smells. She doesn’t find it uncomfortable. I just don’t understand. Not like a runny poo like a whole poo sitting in her pants. I’ve explained that she needs to clean herself up when she has accidents that it’s not clean to keep it on her like that but she doesn’t care! She even does it at school! I’m at my wits end! My house smells like a port a potty and I’m struggling with this! What do I do??
Start by taking her to a pediatrician. They’ll investigate whether it’s a physical issue and/or mental/emotional issue.
Take her do the drs and go from there . It could be a medical issue or more issues from family life
That needs some interventions asap. It’ll be due to being scared and not feeling safe. I would be organising some psychological intervention and a paeds assessment. She’s not acting out it’s quite a serious thing if there’s no medical concerns. It’s quite sad. She needs all the love and support she can get. Good luck x
Don’t give up on her. Seek out help from a licensed professional and show her LOVE!
She has problems you can’t solve. This needs professional help.
LOVE HER HARD and take the baby to the doctors/therapist
Definitely sounds like Encopresis. There’s a great fb group called “Help!!! My child has encopresis”. You should definitely join it.
There’s clearly an issue there. Definitely take her to see someone.
Adult diapers and therapy! Bless both of your hearts 
Put a diaper on her take her to the doctor for check up.
My 10 year old does it and I have no idea how to stop it.
Take to the pediatrician make sure it’s not a medical issue if it’s mental they should be able to set you up with a therapist who specializes in this sorta thing. I had to do this with my son with my father passed he regressed massively and took his death extremely hard. 
Trauma*
When my sister passed the court sent her son with his father. He then got locked up so we adopted my nephew! When we got him he started urinating in his bedroom on the carpet. Mind you his room was next door to the bathroom! He would lift the vent out the floor an pee and poo in there as well. I put him in child trauma therapy in which I found out that his dad would lock him in his bedroom when he went to work because he didn’t have a babysitter so he would pee and poo in bottles while his dad was at work because he could get out the room to go to the bathroom! It’s a tough situation we had to remove the carpet do all new flooring and lock the vent! The child should see a therapist you’d be surprised what you find out! Good luck…
She needs professional help. Start with a paediatrician and absolutely get her councelling.
Have you spoken to her parents? Was this happening at home? Has it gotten worse? Personally I would be speaking with a medical professional and see what the options are! She has also had alot of changes happen in her world and this could all be related. I wouldn’t punish her but I would definitely get to a doctors asap and talk to her school to see what they suggest!
Get her into therapy!!!
Was she ever potty trained or has she never used the potty?
My daughter regressed like this when me and my ex husband divorced. It’s a way for her to feel in control during this rough patch between her parents. I suggest getting her a therapist
Take her to a doctor and therapist
Show him how to use the washer and make him wash everything… we went through this with my step brother after a week my mom made him change his bed and do the laundry… he stopped… it’s stress and trauma.
Doctor. They should recommend a therapist even if it’s nothing medical. Something isn’t right there.
She needs to be seen by a pediatrician immediately to ensure that there aren’t medical issues causing this. If they can rule that out, she needs to see a therapist to be evaluated for any kind of mental health issues, issues related to trauma, abuse, etc. It clearly isn’t developmental appropriate for an 11 year old to not use the toilet when they have to go to the bathroom and there is for sure some underlying issue here.
You need to take her to the doctor immediately. This is a sign of major problems.
Have you had her checked for encoporesis? We thought our kiddo was just being lazy until we realized they couldn’t fully feel it. Definitely have the kiddo checked out by a doctor.
My niece would go to bathroom in her room . She’s 11… she thought people could see her in the bathroom … she’s on the autism spectrum and she has other mental issues … she’s in a group home now ! Cps removed her … she might be acting out bc of home situation! Make her wear a diaper
She has more going on!!! Seems like she is Neurodivergent, you will need to speak to professionals. ADDitude mag has wonderful information as well as webinars and podcasts to help you navigate and get you started.
Soemthing is not right, and be a good parent and take her into the doctor. Is she autistic does she have stomach issues, something is going on.
Definitely seek medical attention, there could be something going on causing this.
This could be a medical problem, trauma response, her way of feeling “in control”when everything else feels out of her control or some other psychological issues. Sadly toileting problems are also often a sign of sexual abuse. She needs to be seen by a Dr. asap to get this figured out.
have you seek medical advice, does she have any special needs? does her bowels work properly? does she feel she is doing a poo
someone i know has a condition they cant feel they need to use their bowels and has accidents.
She could have a medical issues or trauma. I would take her to the doctor and see what’s goin on. she probably have Austim and or adhd
This isn’t something you can fix. She needs professional help. Start with her pediatrician and go from there.
My son is on the autism spectrum and was not potty trained until 14. Talk to her pediatrician. It could be a mental issue or may be a control issue from family trauma
Could be a sign of sexual abuse.
…I’m just putting this out there don’t kill the messenger. It’s not something people like to think about but it’s the world today…With girls (and boys ) whom have been sexually assaulted they tend to do things that they think will keep it from happening again…example if i don’t look pretty or if I smell etc. Definitely seek professional help regardless of if you find a answer here that you like
Doesn’t start to sting and burn back there.
I would talk to her pediatrician, sounds like a behavioral issue. What was her previous home life like? I’d get her checked by a specialist for abuse
Well it is It like was she taught what should and shouldn’t be happening.? Or what to do? Shaming or getting upset doesn’t help. If kids have trauma they are not going to recognize your issue’s because they have their own. I would get her evaluated make sure that medically she’s ok. Some issues like encopresis coexist with other issues so you have to help them out because they can’t by themselves. Then work on a schedule for learning how to recognize the urge to go and how we deal with hygiene after accidents. You can talk to the pediatrician and read up on how to do it for older kids. It’s sad but it does happen and sometimes kids just have issues and this requires more time and effort.
Seek medical attention, this also makes me think abuse…sexual abuse? Trauma? Refer for therapy.
She’s need to see a doctor both for physical and mental health evaluations. In the meantime, get the smallest size adult diapers and some baby wipes and show her how to clean herself and dispose of the soiled items. Be patient and as loving as possible and pray she opens up and talk to you.
It could be many reasons as to why this is happening.Please get her in to see pediatrician first thing.Then she need to be evaluated. They also have a counselor at the school. This doesn’t sound like a potty training issue. Some children potty train themselves.I have seen them do it at 3 an 4 yrs old. Some take longer than others.But I really don’t think this is the issue here.
Take her to the doctor and get a referral to a pediatric psychiatrist.
I think that she might have to be evaluated, can be a medical issue , or mental ,emotional disorder, in some cases is also a sign of abuse , please take her to her pediatrician asap
My son did that until he was 15… he’s on the spectrum… he would hold it and hold it and hold it… then poop himself and not care…
It took a lot of patience and me personally making sure he sat on the toilet every 90 minutes… I let him play on a tablet or read while on the toilet…
Hugs!
Look up Encopresis & take her to a specialist not just the pediatrician
Prolly def some kind of trauma issue. Baby girl needs help. As many said, take her to the dr and work on the next steps w they for her.
That’s usually a sign of sexual abuse!
Is she challenged? Why have they not potty trained her?
Have you had her tested for autism??
Not saying she was but a lot of kids who experience sexual abuse struggle with potty training
kick her out n send her back with HER parents so they can deal with her
Has she been tested for things like autism?
Trauma. The only thing she can control is what goes in and what comes out. She needs a child therapist
I’m assuming she’s special needs as one of the main requirements for school is potty training
Have you spoken to her doctor(s)?
Therapy and have evaluated by a doctor.
I’m currently struggling with this exact thing with my 10 year old. My ex was extremely abusive not just physically but emotionally. She was 6 the last time she saw him and there is still concern of even more heinous abuse. It’s been heartbreaking and at times overwhelming. There isn’t a punishment (it only makes them withdraw more from you and the safety they so desperately need) or medication that will help. It’s all trauma induced. We’re currently working with trauma therapist but it could take years before she’s past the worst. Just remember she’s scared and feeling so alone. I know it’s hard but this is the time to be around her even when she smells very unlovable 
Please message me if you need support from someone going through it 
Need more information. Is this a new problem? If so it could be from the trauma of whatever caused her to be removed from her parents &/or being removed.
If it’s not a new problem has she been diagnosed with autism or anything?
Hopefully your caseworker can help you get those answers. In either case she needs to see a Dr. Probably a phycologist. I’d be putting her in diapers. Her insurance may pay for them.
Take her to a doctor and get her checked out and also possibly a therapist.
I’m surprised that your first thought wasn’t to book a drs appt, and was to come online to write about it… get that kid the help they need and deserve. No kid enjoys peeing or pooping themselves.
take her to the dr. see if something is going on that only they could detect. is there any other trusted adults in the family that can also talk ahout it with her? this is pretty extreme at her age… somethings not right mentally
This is a whole ass mental issue that a doctor needs to evaluate.
Check to see if she has Hirschprungs disease…
May need counseling. I knew of someone who’s grandson was doing the same. His father was physically abusing him.
Have her seen by a doctor and a therapist. There could be other issues…
Came here before getting real help… How did it get this far. Go ask a professional and get off FB.
Please get a referral to a paediatrician
Yes therapy, it could be a mental issue
Talk to a doctor about potential medical issues. But in the mean time have her clean her mess. Do her laundry, clean any surfaces it gets on, and make her shower (at least a body rinse) when it happens
I would definitely suggest a dr and maybe some kinda therapist could be a trauma thing.
She needs to be seen by a pediatrician…for starters… asap. Child psychologist referral from pediatrician after that.
Bring her to the dr only way to get answers
Encopresis. If she has hard stool I. Her colon fecal matter passes by the blockage but she doesn’t feel the need to poop like you or I. It is a fairly common cause of fecal incontinence. A stomach xray will show if this is the cause. Normally miralax everyday and retaining bathroom habits are needed. I had a foster daughter that this happened to. The state was treating it as a mental problem. The xray showed her colon full. Was a long road but successful in the end.
Give her miralx everyday for a while and see what happens. She could be constipated. I know it sounds dumb but just try
Behavioral therapy maybe? Pediatrician will give a referral
That is a serious big red flag of possible sexual abuse.
Red flag for sexual abuse. Seek help for medical and mental health support.
Obviously there’s a damn reason. I cannot believe y’all let it go on for this long. Poor child.
The poor child obviously needs help that they are not getting and all you’re worried about is your house smelling 
instead of looking for the underlying issue and making appointments. Writing about the child’s issues on Facebook isn’t going to help the situation ! Poor girl
This could be a behavioral issues, GI issue, muscle issue.
Therapy!
Get her checked it could be a health issues like encopresis basically lazy bowel it builds up and they lose control
Does she have mental issues? Does she get the concept
Maybe she’s autistic or has sensory issues
That’s actually a medical condition called Encopresis. The child needs to be evaluated by a doctor and will possibly need therapy
You need to see a doctor, but my 5 Yr regressed because of constipation…due to being in a full spica cast for months… And many operations… So it was psychological too… Miralax was prescribed… It worked but took a long time… But yes patience and pull ups and wipes and teaching her the basics… But honestly please go to Dr’s and ask for help
Get her to a child psychologist - quickly.
Pediatrician then psychologist. Asap.
Discuss with a pediatrician and get a therapist rule out any medical and mental conditions. And then go from there.
At 11 years old I would kick her arse and get her to go and see a psychiatrist to see what’s wrong with her . lol
Dr!!! This is medical/psychological. She need’s evaluated like yesterday.
I adopted my niece and she did the same. Definitely follow up with pediatrician. My niece was diagnosed with RAD at age 10. Once diagnosed we were able to help her. It’s not easy but worth it 
Thinking of you
Okay, is this an ongoing issue or new?
My nephew was having a similar issue that was a “new development” but really ended up being a medical issue.
Is it new behavior or something that was going on before you had custody? Definitely take her to the doctor to get tests done and then. It could be something physical, but it also could be a mental illness or a coping mechanism. Also sign her up for consoling
Get her into therapy. She has obviously been through some very difficult things that she may be struggling to verbalize. This may be how she is expressing those feelings. The act may make her feel a certain emotion, such as something she can control. She may also be dealing with some attachment issues, or maybe even more. But a professional would be the best person to navigate those roads with. I know that what you are going through can be overwhelming, and you are doing what you can at the moment. However, I feel that getting feedback from Facebook strangers on this specific difficulty is only going to add stress to the situation you are currently facing. You are doing a great thing, and I know that you are doing the best you can right now. Keep going, keep your head up, you are doing amazing things.
All of you grown ups need help. How could you let this go on without getting help for her long ago ?
Please go get that child proper professional help. You need to get to the why before you can get to the how.
She might need some therapy because something is not right
You keep saying she doesn’t care. I don’t believe that. I think she cares more than you know. After making sure there isn’t a physical issue, look at it from a mental issue. Perhaps she is trying to keep everyone at a distance because she doesn’t want to get hurt.
sounds like either trauma or neurological issues. def take them to the dr and a therapist if possible. just be patient bc they prob can’t help it and not doing it to be defiant.
Seek a dr this isn’t normal