I’ve been married for ten years now, and we have two kids together. The marriage has been nothing but perfect, or so I thought. I have lost feelings for him, I’ve told him, and he wants to make things work. I’m not sure what to do?
Try marriage counseling, try things to rekindle the marriage, date nights, what made you fall in love with him? Revisit those things. It’s worth trying.
Marriage counseling… This way you can say you tried everything… And who knows …maybe it will work… And if it doesn’t… You tried.
Let him try. Maybe a spark will happen and you will be reminded of why you got married.
Pray and ask God to lead you
Remember all good memories you had together… N dnt forget to pray n ask God to lead you.
Who’s the other man be honest
What are the reasons why you feel this way?
I find I have to look for sexy things other people would find sexy…and look for delights in service to him that I would miss if he were gone.And stuff like it…it opens your mind and heart…work on it…43 yrs and counting.
Maybe marriage counseling?
Sounds like this story is missing critical information.
Talk to him instead of us???
Leave. It’s not as if feelings are going to reappear.
It’s not fair to either of you to stay
I am certainly not a relationship expert by any means. When I came across this post it really made me pause for a min. I found myself thinking about length, time and duration. I used to run cross country… The start was exciting and almost overwhelming. As my body got in to the rhythm of the run the initial excitment( to my muscles, lungs, and mind) settled. Mile after mile I would fine moments of doubt and weariness. Commitment, patience, and loyalty to my goal kept my feet going. The excitment would revive me and the familiarity of memory sustained me. No matter where I actually placed( though I like to win) my body mind and soul found peace in the training, work, and reward. The excitment was a bonus. If the entire run was to exciting it might have been to hard to go the distance. Good luck to you.
For me marriage isn’t just about emotion, are you good partners do you make progress in your lives together? Do you make each others lives easier? Emotions ebb and fade and come back. Having a solid partner by your side is what’s most important. Don’t get me wrong emotions are important too, I personally feel emotions just aren’t the most important.
Make an effort to find things you love or like if you still want to make it work. That length of a relationship doesn’t stay Rose’s and rainbows forever. Speaking from experience.
Marriages go through ups & downs… especially long term marriages. You fall in love, you fall out of love… what keeps you together is the friendship you have established throughout your years. That is your foundation. You CAN fall back in love again. It IS possible. Remember your vows. They’re written that way for a reason. No marriage is perfect. You need constant prayer - together & faith things will work out. But always remember your foundation & that alone may work your way back into love again.
Every marriage goes thru this! It’s easy to just walk away but u took wedding vows unless they didn’t mean anything to u! Stay and fight don’t give up! I’ve been with my husband for 28 years and we certainly have ups and downs every marriage does! Hell we don’t even like each other sometimes but that’s part of it too! The grass is NEVER greener on the other side! It can get better if u just try!!
Pros and cons list for you on if divorce is the right thing
The grass is not always greener on the other side
Seems you’ve taken him for granted…
Sounds like you’ve already exited the relationship.
At least try to make it work with counseling since you have kids together.
Date nights , spice it up. Remember why you fell in Love. It’s brutal out there.
Love fades in and out i have learned when it fades you have to make time for each other and di a whole month where you go out on dates every weekend or do fun date activities if you cant find a babysitter. Or you could try pick a week where you have sex every day but you have to put effort in like wearing sexy lingerie. You have to actually put effort in to make a marriage work going on 9 years here trust me its not easy
You don’t deserve him!
If you have a good man don’t lose him over something that could be temporary. Good men are few and far between. My brother and his wife got divorced 2 years ago because she felt the same way, now she regrets her decision and has asked if they could get back together. Try everything to rekindle the relationship you have with your husband. Relationships require work on both ends. Talk to him.
Emotions will lie to you. There are going to be ebbs and flows. Go to counseling and sit down and both talk through some things to do that will help. You owe it to yourself, your husband, and your children to put in the work to keep your marriage together.
Just so you know, the grass isn’t greener on the other side. You think you will be happier but its not always the case - especially because there aren’t big issues like drinking, violence etc. You’re kids WILL SUFFER if you get divorced, don’t be a fool.
Start dating again! EACH OTHER! not outside sources. Husband and wife. But make them dates. “Start over” spice it up. My husband and I have built so much together by doing this. We’ve grown a stronger connection in our souls and everything around us has come along with it as we’ve grown.
You know deep down how you feel, so do what you want. I knew after 10 years , but stayed for the kids, after 30 years I’m divorced, my only regret is wasting my life away with a man that is a toxic bully in front of his kids and doesn’t give a shit what they think about him (his words).
Commitment is a choice. You have to nurture your relationship like a damn flower. It doesnt just stay
Counseling?.. take a little vacation together?..
Give it a little time. As long its no abusive reason… try. Things aren’t always greener… and once it’s gone… it’s gone.
That happened to me. I moved out. But I didn’t have kids.
The grass is greenest where you water it. You can turn your relationship around if you are willing to put in the work and effort and he is too. Reconnect. Date each other again. Go to therapy. Be intimate.
Maybe examine what made you love him in the first place. If it’s swallowing reasoning, maybe reconsider
Edit: I meant shallow reasoning, but I guess typo works too
Sounds like he better off without u.
Work on your marriage,try and remember the early years when you were still in love, believe me it is not fun in the dating world.
You know life isn’t always great.But we try to do the best we can .
Give been marry for over 50 years and it’s not easy but we try.
There’s nothing out there and do you re all want to go?
If he good to you .You are the lucky one. Next time you may not be as luck as you are no.
Think really hard about it be for you leave.
You have a man who really love you.
May God help you.
Pray on it, God answer prayer.
Good Luck On What You Do.
Grow up. Relationships are not about feelings are whims!
Love and commitment is a choice…its not like a new pair of shoes that you get tired of. Human are involved, and in this case, children are involved. They will suffer, and may resent you.
Most probably some comments have been harsh…some I agree with …some I don’t…you have to ask yourself is this what you want REALLY want or just a moment in time…things change as they have already but do not make any rash decisions…yes the grass is not always greener …ultimately it’s down to you now …I hope you do right xxx
That happens from time to time in long marriages. Wait around for ahwile go on some dates try to find that spark again . Dont make any rash decisions just yet
If hes willing to make it work please try
How people at least say" i dnt have feelings now " how selfish if he dose something wrong thats a different story but if he s good to you how been so heartless… feeling means not that by looks he s not attracted to me… u will remember the feeling when u lose someone really worth. People regret in that point…
Try being married and realizing your husband has Aspergers…he didn’t even know.
What has distracted you from your husband? You promised him and God you’d live by your vows
Love is not just a feeling it’s a choice. You don’t marry saying I promise to love you until I change my mind. These tough times you have to make the choice to love each other. You have to put in the extra effort. Unless there is abuse, and since you said it’s been nothing but perfect I don’t think there has been, you should work on it. If you keep searching for those “love feelings” you’ll just jump from relationship to relationship. Choose to love him. Choose to make your marriage a priority. Get back to the basics. Romance. Make sure you make time to be sexually intimate together. Date each other. Choose love.
Take a holiday alone. But no cheating oh, we don’t want stories after.
This happened to me. I couldn’t explain it. But I knew it wouldn’t be fair to stay. He’s happily moved on. ( very happy for him) I’m still single, and happy. We have two children and me and my ex have a great relationship now. Only you know how you feel. Good luck xx
I am fairly certain that his feelings for you have also changed. Love is a choice and commitment and not a feeling. We cannot walk around with a Prozac drip. You have two kids. What are you teaching them? The grass is not always greener. Water the grass you have and it will flourish.
It’s hard work being married for everyone. Work out what is behind your change in feelings. Is it something a bit of work from both parties can fix or does it run deeper than that? When we have kids at home we very much turn into mum and dad and things do change from what we were used to before. Spend some time together just as a couple and if you are unsure go and get some professional help so you don’t regret whatever choice you come to.
Marriage is a decision to fall in love over and over again with the same person. Why dont you start write all the things that made you fall in love with him in the first place.
That’s what’s wrong with people nowadays they go by their feelings. Feelings come and go. Love is not a feeling, love is a verb. Love him becouse he is your husband and you made a commitment to him.
See a marriage COUNSELOR!! NOT FACEBOOK
Go out there and see what it’s about then ! Then when you realize you have/ had a good man, it may be too late.
This sort of thing happens in a marriage your not always gonna feel the same way you did when u first started out, some of the spark does go away. Talk to your husband about how your feeling. Suggested u need counseling
Why is it only about you, your not in this alone. You are or should be a family.
All marriages have good and bad years and feeling come and go. Marriage takes a lot of work. In today’s society people throw it away instead of working at it. You made a commitment is your word worth nothing. What about your kids having both parents together are nice and rare. And I’m hear to tell you the second marriage is never as good as the first. In the sense that you never give yourself completely in a second marriage you will guard yourself a little more not trust quite as much. So if you don’t want to work at it I hope you are lucky In The second.
Wow!! I tried 30 years to make a bad marriage work with a husband that didn’t love me. Who preferred to be out drinking and enjoying himself. If you have a good marriage and a good husband then cherish it!!! Remember the love you had when making those babies…look into yourself and find it again!!
Your always going to love him if his a good guy with a heart and he’s there for you and you got the things you need in life and he loves you your ok because now in day’s i see no good guy’s are out there they have no respect they only think themselves and there not going to love your kids the way you do
You got to really think about it if you let him play outside to long he might not want to come home and lose your best friend just think about it my son is going through it the kids are lost she lost the place apt now living in a one bedroom my son don’t want her now it was her choice he was with her for 14 years he gave her the car for the kids his not ugly but there no girls he likes his picking but he has a good job that keeps him busy he a body man that fixes cars and he did everything for her now she’s alone
my husband died 5 years ago i would give anything to have him back really think about what you are doing i was divorced for 15 years the grass is not better on the other side of the street
Date him. See him as a person your getting to know. Go do fun things together and date again. You have a family it isn’t about you anymore.
Try dating your spouse
10 years an you wanna start over? Perfect marriage… do some soul searching gurl an rekindle that flame… the world is crazy…
Marriage counseling and making time to express both of your feelings.
Let him go so he can find his soul mate
Love is a CHOICE you make every day, it’s not a “feeling.” Remove the distractions and focus on your marriage.
Sounds like you may to spice things a bit to re awaken the flame that kept you together for ten years in the first place…it’s really hard dating and even more so when you have children…the grass isn’t always greener on the other side and if your man is faithful and dedicated to your family you need to stay!
This book is amazing and might help the both of you.
Spice it up. Don’t let boredom ruin a good thing.
Do you know why you have lost your feelings for him? I would start with that. He apparently loves you still. No one can tell you what to do with your life, but if y’all have made it 10 years together there at least was something special and love. Right? You say the marriage was perfect, and now its not? Why because of the a way you feel?
Try marriage retreat or counseling. Too many people divorce for the dumbest reasons. Your children deserve you to make an effort to save the relationship.
Find each other’s love language!!!
Problems with folks today, you give up to easily, walk away then…you obviously made your mind up.
Youre married. Try counseling first.
My husband waited 6 years to marry me. He wanted to make sure I still liked him. Part of whats wrong with society is that we expect a movie ending and happy ever after. Its not reality. Relationships are work there are great parts bad part and everything in between.
Go find yourself but work on it before you give up.
Have you gained feelings for someone else? I agree that it is a choice we make to put in the effort to keep marriages happy. I also agree counseling, working on love languages, etc. can help but only if you’re fully committed and the reasoning is not due to outside forces.
You never have to stay if it don’t make you happy any more
This pandemic has definitely taken its toll on even the best of relationships. “How can I miss you if you won’t go away?” comes to mind.
Definitely seek marriage counseling before deciding to throw in the towel. If he has been honest, loving, loyal and a wonderful father, he deserves that much consideration.
Stick around, read some books, look for ways to find a spark before hitting the road
Love is a choice. You chose him. You chose to love him. And then you chose to marry him. You don’t just wake up one day after 10 years of marriage and decide you don’t love him anymore. Go to counseling and try dating again.
Being married 31 years we made a deal, we cannot fall out of love at the same time. Love is a choice, and marriage is a commitment for sure but when raising kids, working and everything that goes into keeping life on track it’s easy to believe that things would be different and more exciting alone or with someone else, both may feel this throughout a marriage but usually not at the same time, so when one feels as you do, the others job is to love harder! Our marriage hasn’t been always easy but it’s much easier now that our daughters are 28/26, the normal family rearing stressors no longer cloud my choice to love this man forever!
Don’t give up
Take some time to get to know him again
Take time away from home and kids and every day life if you’re able travel
Do “bucket list” type activities. Slice up your intimate relationship
Try new things in and out of the home
Once a week cook together
Learn a new dance together
People are quick to give up in our generation
Marriage is hard. Divorce is hard.
Choose your hard.
I felt this way a few times. 20 years married.
I started making dates with my husband and get aways just us 2. You will see why you fell in love or why you must walk the other way.
Marriage is hard take the good days with the bad days.
Definitely worth trying to relight the spark…the reason yall choose to be married.
If you lost feelings, then you lost them…no need to feel bad. People and feelings change sometimes, nothing to be ashamed of. You’re here one time, be happy. If you’re not happy, don’t force it to spare someone else’s feelings.
Im here to say that its okay to divorce. Its okay to lose feelings. Its okay to move on. You cant force something that isnt there. Your happiness is just as important as his. Don’t let society eyes of “you’re married, make it work” let you lose your happiness.
Remember the things that made you say “yes” to your husband; but at the same time, never forget that you should always say “yes” to your husband everyday. You should re-assess your communication, trust, and respect as a couple.
Don’t throw 10 years away w/out trying therapy. And think back to when you were courting… try some of those things again.
I personally feel that you left this too long… This is what happens when people dont communicate openly about where they are at… You dont just wake up one day and realise you dont have feelings anymore… You emotionally vacanted the relationship awhile ago and that is the point where you should have told him so there was still a glimmer of light… Your poor husband had no idea because he didnt know otherwise…
Unless he is abusive in some way I say stay. My husband and i have been together for 8 years, married 2. In 19 we went through a rough patch and I left. We split for 4 months. And it opened my eyes so much. I love my husband and he is the best man I will ever find. We had to go back and remember why we fell in love. On a serious note try Counseling before you split. Bc if you do leave, you can’t change the hurt and memories of you leaving if you do end up regretting it later on. Bc believe me I regret hurting my husband and the memories my son has of mommy living here and daddy living there. The memories I have of my son going home with his dad and looking at me so confused about why I wasn’t coming home. And him asking me “why can’t you come home mommy” it’s fucking heartbreaking. And I would never wish that on anyone, ever. It haunts me bc I’m the one who caused all of this hurt bc I was selfish. Trust me, you don’t want that unless there is a damn good reason to leave.
You say the marriage seems perfect yet you just lost feeling. Personal advice on this what kind of lifestyle are you living? What are some stress in your life. I have found out that feelings for people tend to change in the situation you’re in I have found out if you’re unhappy in your own life you’re not gonna be happy with anybody else who steps into it. So my advice to you before leaving would try to make yourSituation better first
For example I was very depressed in my marriage for a while and I started to question did I even love my husband anymore. Well I started to focus more on myself so I would forget about him and while doing that my life got better and when I was happier my feelings went from being gone to intensifying when he was around
Your mental health can do that to you.
im with my partner 12 years have kids together.everyday I choose to love him more I never give up.love never dies its the people stop fighting for it and stop looking for it.start bk to were yr first met and why ye fell in love.i wouldn’t change mine ups and downs comes with a relationship and I haven’t even married him yet.if u were brought together once ye can be bk together again
I’d try and rekindle and salvage if it’s worth trying to save if it’s really not going to work or go anywhere do what’s best for you…
Marriage keeps you together until you fall in love again.
Stay. Work it out. Feelings are fleeting.
Girl if u lost feelings leave!!
I don’t believe true love just “loses feelings” so… if you really love him I would try therapy or something
That’s pretty messed up