I have no idea what to do anymore

Back story me and my fiance have been together for 4 years we have 2 kids together (3months and 2 year old) then we have 3 kids from previous relationships.
Now the issue is back when I was pregnant my life changed big time I was working full time and doing a side business then our daycare quit on us so I had to become a stay at home mom. Which was a huge life style change I went from being independent and having my own money to essentially feeling useless for our family. This has taken a huge toll on my mental health I’ve become super depressed and Me and becoming super pregnant and uncomfortable sex was painful… so him and i stopped having sex… after awhile he became vocal that it was important part of a relationship and began calling me his friend and roommate as I’m growing his child this pushed me down further as I felt like he no longer loved me. Even in the hospital having his child he made a point to call me his friend and roommate… any time I try to explain my side he pushes it to the side and says my mouth works too…just makes me feel like everything else I do doesn’t matter or isn’t enough. I feel like im suppose to be some sort of sex slave. now 3 months later… after 6 weeks to heal then getting baby to sleep longer then an hr at night (we also share a room with baby) getting over covid and 2 periods back to back…I’ve been back in the mood but any time I try to touch him he pushes me away or jokes that roommate’s don’t do that. Even has said our relationship is to far gone but he hasn’t called it. I’m just so confused and lost cause he always talks about our future buying a bigger house getting a different vehicle and he tells me he loves me and you can tell he does… but how do we get past this roommate friend stage and back into partners? I’ve never wanted to see my future more then I have this last year I just want to know if we Make it past this I dont have any friends or family so I really don’t have anywhere to go if he leaves me and I don’t have any money due to the choice we made for our family.


Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I have no idea what to do anymore

Why can’t you find another daycare? That would take care of the stay at home mom problem. As for the sex part sounds like you have a boy not a man

I have felt this way also with my fiance and honestly it’s not the sex I’m craving, it’s the intimacy. Maybe have a nice night of dinner and movie together? Spend some qualify time together and see if that leads to more. If thats what you want :woman_shrugging: but I’ve never told my fiance I feel our relationship is too far gone I’ve just said sometimes I feel we were roommates because we never spend time together

Relationship counseling is one thing you could try. Or if you leave contact a shelter for a place to go, they have resources, also reach out to 2-1-1, churches, community action agency or a saint Vincent de Paul for resources if any are in your area. Then file for government assistance. Once you find a job and a daycare, you can get help with daycare through government assistance.

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Please learn to respect yourself…
People that love you don’t call you their roommate…
You must start to set yourself up for independence. Baby steps, work on yourself, take time for you… You deserve more…


Sounds like he is done. Put your kids back in a daycare and get your own money. Save & be prepared! He’s staying bc its comfortable but who knows what he’s doing outside the home bc obv sex is important to him and if he isn’t getting it from you, it’s coming from somewhere!! Make your own way & plan!!! If he said it’s to far gone then believe him

He’s been telling you that he’s not in a relationship with you anymore. It’s time to work on getting yourself separated from him. Line up childcare and a job, file for what you need to, consult with lawyers, find a new place to live if necessary, etc. you got this!

  1. This is a him issue not you! Our sex life has declined as well( im 37 weeks and in early labor). We are lucky for once a week as we also have a 2 yr old, he works night and our second has been so low that sex is more painful than enjoyable. The point of telling you this is your not alone- most women have similar stories with not wanting sex as much!
    However his behavior is not ok. My husband has never once made me feel bad, im still his wife and im still respected- also sometimes i tell him im unlikely climax so take care of you.
  2. Hes already told you he’s checked out- calling you his roomate- hes already done just hasnt called it- its time for you to call it.
  3. When someones actions dont match their words then its lies, gaslighting, manipulative etc…
  4. The most important thing ive learned in my life is people will follow through/ make time for whats really important to him. If progressing your future together was a priority he would take the steps to make it happen not just talk and push it off.

Also i am sorry for you situation. I strugled with my daughters father and being a single mom until i got married and it was so emotionally painful i cried all the time became suicidal while pregnant etc… it was bad but i reached out and got the f out and got help.

He’s providing a home and you’re providing child care. The romantic relationship is over. Start getting your independence again, find a job and get daycare so you can move out and coparent.


I understand his need for sex, but to refer to you as his roommate/friend when you have just had his child is cruel and insensitive. That is a character flaw unlikely to change.

No advice but that’s just awful :confused: if my husband did that i wouldn’t stand for it


That’s not a man! Leave his ass! Our bodies go through so much to create life. Men have zero idea about what it does to us. You’re not married, so apply for any and all assistance that you can, including child care assistance, file for custody and child support (which you can get even though y’all live in the same house… after all, you’re just roommates). Go back to work. Tell him you don’t want a roommate and bounce. HE did this to himself.

If my S/O called me his roommate I’d be planning my exit but that’s just me


Ew. None of this. The mental abuse is slick and fierce with that one, probably trying to come off as “funny” calling you a roommate while you were are your most vulnerable and needed his support. This is not love. Get counseling for yourself and take your strength back. Apply for assistance. Privately consult with an attorney for custody. You are not useless. Since he can’t or refuses to see your worth and what you do for your family, its time to move on. You worked before and did it all, you can do it again… :blue_heart:


Focus on yourself. Go back to work. Make your own money & move out. You deserve better. Know your worth.


When he talks about future goals “joke”about it too and say the exact same “joke” he says to you. Treat him the same way he treats you. And when it comes to talking to him about your feelings or your side of explanation tell him just the way he got his time to talk about how he feels and you listened, now it’s your turn to talk and his turn to listen. He doesn’t like it then he can get to stepping! Also, stay firm with your decisions. Get up and make a different change everyday (because we all know it wont happen over night) Don’t think about him. Think about yourself and your kids. They deserve to see a happy, healthy mom. Self care is always the best way to start. As moms we’re the ones who sacrifice everything! As wives we sacrifice everything! Men never have to make a change. It’s just the weight that falls on them. He’s so wrong for treating you the way he has been doing so. It’s not right! So build yourself slowly that way you won’t feel the way you do about yourself.

Baby steps. You got this


Get a job and get prepared save your money

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Im sorry to say this, but if he’s refusing to sleep with you after all of that … theres a good chance that he’s sleeping with someone else. Him calling you his “roommate” is for his own conscience to be clear.


He’s not husband material. Get a sitter a job and do not initiate sex. He’s not worth it. You can do it

When your “man” starts referring to you as his “roommate”, it’s over. Trust me when I say that he’s getting sex somewhere else and no longer looks at you as his long-term partner. Sounds like he’s disconnected from the relationship. The first suggestion is: you should stop having children (at least until you’re financially stable and/or in a more healthy relationship), go to Social Services to ask for assistance including daycare assistance, find a job, and get your own place with your children or put him out. And for your sake, do not start dating right away. Take some time to yourself so that you know how to take care of yourself and your children without his help. He’s only there because he can still occasionally jump up and down on you. You should cut that off completely if the relationship is over because it only leads to more confusion plus you’re putting yourself at risk of getting pregnant AGAIN and the last thing you need right now is to have any more children. But the important thing is to learn to stop being so dependent on him and learn to do for yourself and your children.

I’m sorry to hear this. Make sure you treat him like a roommate. No clean clothes, no food on the table, roommates don’t do that.
Or tell him enough with this childish game are you staying together or not cause your done feeling like this because of his words and actions. SO are suppose to stick by you when your down not beat you down worse. Stay strong and get yourself back for you and your kids


If he calling you his friend or roommate then that’s how he feels about you, your not even his girlfriend. No point in staying in this relationship


Counciling. If he doesn’t want to listen to how he makes you feel, a therapist will. You were growing his child. Men don’t understand how draining and painful that can be. He’s an asshole and he shown what he’s doing is going to eventually lead you to leaving him.

Find daycare and a job, he can shove his roommate comments in his big mouth.


Easier said than done to just focus on urself and go back to work… I feel the same way. How ever we have 5 kids now, just had our 5th 8weeks ago. It’s hard. As mothers we will put our work on hold to nature our children. Hubby has to go make the income. We went through a dry spout. But it was me that was feeling it…its hard. Try talk to him about it when you know you both can listen. Just leaving isnt going to help you without a great support system so you can focus on work instead of the kids…Goodluck mumma. U will get out of this funk

He’s telling you he’s not interested anymore. Start getting on your feet and start a new life.


Please recognize this is emotional abuse and adress the situation according, reach out to a professional for advice on how to manage this stage in your relationship and where to go from here :heart: goodluck.


He’s very manipulative


Being a stay at home mom is a VERY important job! Never ever refer to yourself as useless just because it doesn’t have a paycheck attached.


I’d work on myself. Get a job, save as much as could and leave. No one deserves to be treated like that.

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I’m sorry what a pig “your mouth works to” so does yours ??? Like and ???

If I am uncomfortable that is the top and bottom of it. We aren’t doing it.

Also room mates don’t clean and cook etc for the other so that’ll have to stop from your part to him :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

His thrown a tantrum and let it get to far and now wants to be like oh but can’t wait for the future ? What future when you can’t even let a woman know your feelings without being a pest and throwing your dummy out the pram :joy: you was heavily pregnant with his child and now recovering from that. And his still holding this against you. You’ve just gave him the greatest gift and that’s all he wants to complain about… says a lot


First thing I’d be doing is calling off the engagement with disrespectful comments like that


DONT HAVE ANY MORE KIDS he feels like a work horse he feels like he can’t even get sex now and he’s mad take time from kids to make him feel special too I know easier said then done but his favorite meal give him the remote control her honey you’ve been working all day I took out the trash. You been working all day. I know who’s going to make you feel special Well your doing this for the marriage

While you were in the hospital giving birth to his child he called you his roommate and pointed out that you could still give him BJ? No! He doesn’t love you, like you or respect you. This isn’t the way someone treats someone they care about. Ask him to sleep in another room because roommates don’t sleep in the same room together. Start working on your exit plan.


Tell him exactly how you feel, ask if he wants to work on it or not. If he’s not upfront and sincere to move forward, you need to make a plan and get yourself together and move on.

I wish women would learn to always have a plan A, B & C. I don’t care how in love and great he is in the beginning. Because they always are in the beginning, the good ones & bad ones. It’s a gamble on whether the one you chose is going to stay that way. Unfortunately. Also, another solid piece of advice is don’t have any kids you aren’t willing/capable of taking care by yourself in case that’s how it ends up.

Sounds like a narc to me. My husband demanded sex when I had stitches and got me pregnant again. YUC!!

Some of these so called plastic wannabe dads or so called partners are disgusting how shallow can you be to a woman that’s just went through having a baby recovering been a mum and looking after your sorry arse put the roommate tag on me no more crap will be done for you from now on and the only bj you will be getting is me eating a banana not a witchgety grub infront of you and there’s the door you deserve so much more respect and loyalty from someone else then this gronk my partner would be out the door if he ever treated me like that I’m pregnant now this has made my skin crawl

I can see both of your point of view. Men are very sexual, that is one of the biggest thing about them. If that is removed it affects them a lot. (Im a firm believer that there is many different ways to do the job) That said He has no right to treat you that way. If he’s that insulting and degrading you need to get out, You deserve better. If he is that upset with you he should have quit the relationship, not stuck around to shove things in your face. He seriously lacks respect for you and your kids will learn relationships from what they see of yours. For their sake I hope you get out of it.

Who the eff calls their wife their roommate because she was pregnant with his child and couldn’t have sex. This is disturbing and he sounds like a weak little man. Leave while you can.

And roommates don’t have babies together, you can go ahead and seek single mom assistance and tell him to move out then, “I wasn’t in it for a roommate I expected my partner to help n emotionally support me not just leave me on my own cause you wanted your dick sucked”

i swear some of these post are fake… bc they hype some of us, and i think they do it on purpose haha.

if this is real… girl… wth are you doing? !!!
please get your voice and be vocal or continue to be the roommate and have him watch HIS kids, while you go back to work during the times he is “off work”
its called parenting. he has to do it…
also. dont marry him.
ever. like EVER
that is all

He is not worth it. Quit doing this to yourself. He sounds like a child. You can do better. It IS important but IT isn’t EVERYTHING.

Give him a pillow and blanket. Roommates sleep on the couch. Stop doing the gf/wife things. No more doing his laundry, cooking his meals, cleaning his things, sex etc. Your focus is now the babies. When he notices and says something the answer is, "Well, last I checked, you still have two hands that can do it yourself. "