QUESTION:
“Should I have to pay half of the bills/rent? While I was pregnant, I found out my baby boy had kidney issues. Then when he was born, he had a slew of other problems as well; he was born with an imperforate anus, so they had colostomy surgery @ one day old. We spent 21 days in the NICU due to all of it. Fast forward to now, the baby is three months old, and I’m unable to go back to work @ this time due to all of his appts. We had weekly blood draws for the first 8ish weeks we’ve been home, now able to do bi-weekly, on top of seeing his surgeon, urology, nephrology, and now genetics as well. I’ve applied for SSI but have gotten nowhere with that. As of now, I am ineligible for unemployment, and my son’s dad feels like I should still pay half of the bills, rent, etc. I don’t feel like that’s fair to me as I literally have no income. I have to buy all the groceries, anything the baby needs, and on top of all of this, I have an almost five-year-old from a previous relationship.”
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
“Go through social services to help you out with your child’s needs. They should have been involved since day one to establish your baby’s medical needs and you being the primary caregiver to help support your child.”
“I think you need to sit down and explain to him How this would be very difficult. If he works the first shift you could get a second shift job, see how he likes that, taking care of the kids in the evening while you are working. I bet you’re not working long. If you would take a job working the same shift as him you’re going to have to pay somebody to watch your children, he’s not going to like that either. Hopefully, if you can explain to him how you working now is not a good idea, he will understand. If you have already explained all of this to him, get rid of him. It looks to me like he is showing that he doesn’t love you or the children.”
“Tell your son’s father “sure, but please start looking around for a nanny with medical experience and let me know how much it’ll be.” He’ll realize quickly it wouldn’t make sense to go back to work bc of childcare costs.”
“I honestly couldn’t be in a relationship with a “man” like that. He seriously needs to put his child’s needs first, just as you are doing and step up and pay the bills that need to be paid. If you chose to stay in this relationship I guess you guys could start “splitting” everything like taking your child to appointments, feedings, baths etc so you can get another job. I honestly feel like you shouldn’t have to split the bills with all the care your child is needing right now though.”
“I don’t agree with you having to pay half but if he is going to request half of the bills then he needs to take on half of the care and Dr appointments for the child. Expecting one person to play both roles is not fair.”
“I just don’t get the point of having a “partner” like that when they aren’t even there for you during probably the hardest time of your life and caring for HIS baby. If you’re going to have to work and struggle like that then IMO you might as well be a single mom, I would just drop his dead weight and get you a roommate that will pay half the bills and you don’t have to cook for or clean up after. And then he’ll have to pay in child support”
“If you have all the responsibilities of caring for the children and the home, and a disabled child at that, then maybe he needs a 2nd job if money is that tight. Being a mom and a homemaker is a full-time job. Caring for a sick child 24/7 is also a full-time job. If he expects you to work on top of all of that, then you might as well be on your own as a single mother.”
“No, you should not have that responsibility, especially if you’re not able to work. Might as well be a single parent.”
“I don’t think it’s right for a couple to split Bill’s and I don’t understand it at all! My husband and I share all the money, bills, etc… we are a team, not roommates!”
“Talk with a social worker at the hospital, to see what they have to offer. I’m not sure if you can just apply for food stamps and cash assistance online, as I’m sure you want to be with the baby. SSI is not quick. The dad (another parent) would need to be paying something towards child support, maybe. Sorry, he’s not being about family.”
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