Should I have to pay half of the bills/rent? While I was pregnant, I found out my baby boy had kidney issues. Then when he was born, he had a slew of other problems as well; he was born with an imperforate anus, so they had colostomy surgery @ one day old. We spent 21 days in the NICU due to all of it. Fast forward to now, the baby is three months old, and I’m unable to go back to work @ this time due to all of his appts. We had weekly blood draws for the first 8ish weeks we’ve been home, now able to do bi-weekly, on top of seeing his surgeon, urology, nephrology, and now genetics as well. I’ve applied for SSI but have gotten nowhere with that. As of now, I am ineligible for unemployment, and my son’s dad feels like I should still pay half of the bills, rent, etc. I don’t feel like that’s fair to me as I literally have no income. I have to buy all the groceries, anything the baby needs, and on top of all of this, I have an almost five-year-old from a previous relationship.
Leave that relationship. & Have child’s doctor look into Bardet Biedle Syndrome. My son had same symptoms & was diagnosed with BBS9. Very rare genetic condition.
Absolutely not. You would definitely qualify for goverment support as a single mom. If he cannot support you. He should go. Because you definitely do not need all that extra stress and pressure.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should I have to pay half of the rent/bills?
Personally I think you need to reconsider your relationship. He’s more concerned about you paying 1/2 and can’t right now. What if you were married? He should be stepping up right now. Just my opinion tho.
U need to throw that whole man out and go stay with family, no man would put u in that situation with his newborn child being in that situation and he doesn’t seem to care about ur other child either which will cause more problems down the road
I’m with Kate Starr . You have a child with serious medical needs. It’s not like you’re out blowing rent money. He should step up & be the man he tells his friends he is. If he can’t, speak with social services & leave. If he can’t ensure HIS CHILD is cared for & handle the bills until life is a bit more settled, what happens if you get hurt or seriously ill??
He needs to grow up.
Definitely put that no good man out of your life
Sounds like he needs to grow tf up and quick . wow .
I honestly couldn’t be in a relationship with a “man” like that. He seriously needs to put his child’s needs first, just as you are doing and step up and pay the bills that need to be paid. If you chose to stay in this relationship I guess you guys could start “splitting” everything like taking your child to appointments, feedings, baths etc so you can get another job. I honestly feel like you shouldn’t have to split the bills with all the care your child is needing right now though.
Rent is shared proportionate to income. Sorry.
You guys should be working as a team together. If you can’t at the moment he should take over just like you would for him. If he is so concerned about you paying half the bills while taking care of your child maybe you should rethink this relationship. Unless he can’t afford to pay for everything and you guys will be short on money for bills then that might be a different story.
His biggest worry thru all of this is if you’re paying for half? Is he helping with half of the responsibilities with the kids and house? I know the answer to that. He sounds just like my ex - always worried about if he is “doing more than half” and how “it isn’t fair”. Oh, now, it’s just fine and dandy if YOU are doing more than half of something - ya know, like taking care of the kids and house 100% - but god forbid HE do more than 50% anywhere. This isn’t someone you want to be with. Trust me.
Wait a minute here🤨 You telling me the father of your sick baby is still saying you should pay half the bills even after you went through hell and back to bring and keep your baby in this world??? MISS some might be upset with what I about to say next but to hell with them. I was always told to pay attention and believe when someone shows you exactly who they are. Leave that relationship and take him court so you make sure he pays you. Nothing in this world should make you stay with a man like that and lose your peace and self worth. Get yourself on proper birth control and start over you and your 2 beautiful babies. You will not be the first or the last. Stay Blessed🙏🏾
In my opinion (we don’t know ALL of the details) If he is asking for 1/2 the bills then I would definitely be upset. If he is asking for help with bills then yes you should try to help with whatever you can. A relationship (especially with children) is a partnership. Your bills are his bills and his are yours. Maybe you stating how you need help with appointments and your children if you were to work would help him understand that you are putting in 50/50 effort. Sometimes it is hard to understand how much your partner is doing when you yourself are stressed and overworked. (Both sides of this situation)
can he afford to pay all the bus support his child you and your child?
I’m a single mom of 3 one of which is also special needs, in my opinion…if i can do all this, pay rent ,bills treats, essentials, food, clothes …on one budget…you can do it with the support of someone paying half the bills and rent within my two kids, in my opinion…i think you’re not giving yourself enough credit to be able to handle this. You’re cutting yourself short by making excuses for yourself.
Your son should qualify for ssd and you should be able to get paid to be his caregiver
Also…file for child support ASAP so that asshole will still technically be paying all the rent
The father of your baby with all the medical issues is saying that?
Oh well he can buy half the food and cover half the medical bills for your son seen as the boy is his and whatever else you pay if you get no income because he works you need to point that out to him as well I think you just need to have a serious conversation with him
I would go down to ssi or keep calling them to see what is going on with your paperwork. I would contact the state and 211 to see what kind of help you could get for now and kick the baby’s dad out and don’t look back him. I would have all his bags packed and ready to go seeing he can’t be a real man
Leave him. He sounds worthless.
Yeah, move on without the guy. I broke my leg at 8mnths pregnant so ended being out of work for almost 3 months. 3 months for broken leg and having my baby. I had no income. No money saved. Nothing. My guy worked all that he could to make sure we survived and NEVER asked for a penny for ANY of our bills or groceries. He does not make that much money either. I think if you have it, yes help…but if you don’t and your guy knows that then he needs to do what he can until you can get back to work.
I’m sorry but I would leave him he’s an ass
He’d be an ex real quick! He doesn’t sound like he cares about you guys child, just about money. He needs to step up or get out. Throw the whole boy away. I say boy, because a real man would do whatever he had to, to take care of his family.
If he was just a roommate then yes. Bills don’t stop no matter what happens. With him being the dad tho, he’s a pos and u need to find somewhere affordable and leave his ass
I don’t think this is something to leave your hubby over. It will be much worst (emotionally) to be on your own. Sit down with him and talk about options. I know mama, life isn’t easy, especially for all you went through and still going through
Are you guys struggling financially? If he can’t pay the bills without your previous source of income then yes you should be helping out as much as possible. You guys still need a place to live.
Is this his place and his bills or are y’all staying with someone else?
Wow that’s all I have to say
There are plenty of stay at home jobs love !!! Plenty that don’t require for you to be on the phone !
If he wants so use the extra income he wouldn’t be paying on essential ect or another bill or even put it in saving that’s totally ok but if it’s so he can have his own money to go blow throw the whole guy away
Was your sons dad dropped on the head as an infant? How much more insensitive can he be? It’s not about being fair, he should show compassion that your son has special medical needs and he should do anything to help you and his son.
Girl you better runnnnnnnn
He needs to give his head a wobble that’s his child!!
I mean…having a sick child doesn’t absolve you of all financial responsibility. If he can’t afford to pay the bills by himself, then you need to figure something out together. But if you leave him over this, then you’ll still have to figure out a way to pay your own bills.
You shouldn’t have to pay for a single thing.
His ‘father’ should be more worried about him than your money
Leave his ass and have him pay child support. See if he likes that . So inconsiderate of him. U obviously can’t work because you have a sick child right now not because you are doing nothing……smh some people will just never grow up. Unbelievable…sorry ur going through this alone.
Tell him he can pay child support instead
Wait… You’re with baby daddy and he thinks you should half the bills?
Tell him consider it child support on a special needs child.
What a little b****
Bitch bye I’d leave him sittin
Go through social services to help you out with your child’s needs. They should have been involved since day one to establish your baby’s medical needs and you being the primary care giver to help support your child.
I think you need to sit down and explain to him How this would be very difficult. If he works first shift you could get a second shift job, see how he likes that, taking care of the kids in the evening while you are working. I bet you’re not working long. If you would take a job working the same shift as him you’re going to have to pay somebody to watch your children, he’s not going to like that either. Hopefully if you can explain to him how you working now is not a good idea, he will understand. If you have already explained all of this to him, get rid of him. It looks to me like he is showing that he doesn’t love you or the children.
If you all really do need the money, most MEN would get a second part time job. Good luck!!
Is it cause he can’t afford to do it all on his own? How would have you paid the bills if you were living alone? Maybe work opposite shifts. So he can take care of him when he gets home. Or apply for emergency state assistant or talk to a case worker at the hospital to see what agencies they know about.
A real man would of said ok I focus financially…you worry about the kids and help out when you can.
I have no words
What about all those single moms out there with kids that have appointments multiple times a week? You make it work.
The baby’s father should be taking half the responsibility of the child too. It’s not fair that 100% of his needs rely on you & half the bills. A compromise has to be made. Either you take care of the majority of the child’s needs, Dr visits etc & don’t work. Or you both work & juggle his needs.
Ask a social worker or advocate at the hospital or drs office. I’m sure there’s programs to help parents of sick kids with housing costs. Sometimes you just have to know who to ask. If he’s on medical equipment that requires electric you can be put in a program that they can’t shut your power off & if there’s power outage you’d be put on a priority list.
If you haven’t already file for public assistance. Get him on Medicaid even if he’s covered under dad’s insurance. Medicaid will pick up what insurance doesn’t cover. They usually go back so far. They might pay for a nurse to help you too.
Keep appealing his SSI. They usually deny you a few times. When they approve you you will get a check going back to when you first filed. If you get denied & reapply later they won’t go back. Appeal until you get approved. Don’t hire a lawyer. He’s obviously disabled & will eventually get approved. Social security lawyers will take a portion of your settlement. In the long run it’s best to just keep appealing until you get it.
SSI will cover this. If you need to? Go to Human Services, or higher an attorney Social Services will help you with this!!
Take him bush and leave him there, the a**hole
A good man and father would understand that you are doing what is needed for your child.
I dont think it’s right for a couple to split Bill’s and I dont understand it at all! My husband and I share all the money, Bill’s, etc… we are a team not room mates!
Hi mama, first off I just wanna say I was born with all the same health issues… 34 years ago… been a journey but my life has been pretty normal… second, ask maybe if he’s struggling to cope… also… the stress of a sick baby might be coming out the wrong way… have a chat… also, speak to social services about what help you ca get
Pay half…thats fine…and tell him for doctor and personal care is also 50% his personal time as well.
My 2nd son was also born with IA, among other things. Your son’s dad is being unreasonable. Having a kid born with all that causes enough stress/depression/anxiety alone. Apply for assistance and SS. Best of luck.
Sounds like you need a new man and to pay your own bills.
What a dickhead… File for child support. Even with him in the house. Since he wants to be a jerk
Are you 2 in a relationship or just living together?
If y’all are just living together then yes you should.
If y’all are in a relationship then he is trash and you need to leave him
Your baby’s dad is a prick!
I’m sorry, its hard having a child with medical issues. You need support emotionally and financially. It sounds like you’re with the wrong guy…
How do y’all end up with selfish and unkind people like this? I can’t be with a person who doesn’t see me like his actual baby, pampers me and is all about how he wants to take care of me and spoil me forever.
I can’t settle for less.
Sorry for bringing me into this but I’m just pained to see people hurt like this from people who claimed they loved them to the moon and back but won’t even show it. Damn!
Sooo is he your boyfriend?
Sounds like you’re living together.
Yeah he’s being absurd.
One main reason I’m against couples keeping their own bank accounts and splitting bills. You don’t get paid when you’re home taking care of the kids now do you?
Talk it over with him. Also contact medicaid
I’m so sorry! I hope things start looking up for your baby. As for the “father” for lack of better terms… get rid of him!
This is the child’s dad??? Hell no, and be firm about it. Here in pa, if you are a care giver to anyone, even family, with a disability or long term illness, you can get paid.
If he’s going to be that way charge him 50% of your cost of providing childcare, hopefully that will help towards the rent and bills.
Yes you should. You cant get comfortable when you have kids, make something shake and stop making excuses. Plenty of single moms make ends meet. Do you not have help?
No effing way. This shouldn’t even be a debate. There shouldn’t even need to be a discussion. He should be manning up and grabbing up a 2nd job if he has to or making plans to cover all the other stuff for the hours you would be working. He’s gotta take that responsibility on on one side or the other. That just sounds completely unfathomable. Also pursue the crap out of SSI and dont let up. Send any medical records you have ahead of time so they dont even need to ask for it. And make an appt with your baby’s pediatrician and see what they can do to speed stuff up or whatever bc that is the prime source they’re going to go to for information. Props to you for carrying such a load on your back you’re a freakin badass mom
You’re with a boy not a man. Period…
If he expects you to pay half of the bills its only fair to have him handle half of the baby responsibilities.
I believe it’s unfair.
My son was also born with IA and VACTERL ASSOCIATION, Caudal Regression T2(missing vertebrae ), Kidney and bladder issues and much more.
I feel for you as my son is turning 2 tomorrow and it’s still hard and the Appts haven’t stopped for him and going in for all other surgery soon.
Feel free to reach out. I know what ur going through as a medical momma with the colostomy ect.
Tell him to stay home, and be the caregiver and you go to work, and tell him, he has to pay half the rent. What a piece of crap he is.
I don’t understand why a couple splits bills… it’s never going to be 50/50, somedays the other person is gonna need to pick up the slack and vice versa, 70/30 90/10 whatever… me and my significant share everything, it’s OUR money we are a TEAM we aren’t roommates!
Tell him he can stay home, watch the kids, take them to appts deal with all medical and personal needs and then HE can also go to work and pay half of the rent and everything…smeh… gross excuse for a human if you ask me… its unrealistic and incredibly unfair of him to ask you this!
You know what I would tell him. I would tell him fine. I’ll pay half of the bills and get a job. But you can’t miss too much work at the beginning of a New job so your child’s “father” is going to have to take your child to ALL the Drs appointments. He is going to have to split daycare for your child, all the groceries he needs to pay half. Any household supplies (toilet paper soap, laundry soap) all that half. He needs to pay for half of the child’s formula, diapers, clothes, soaps, medications.
I mean if he wants to get technical.
You can also put down on paper how much you are paying out of pocket for things the grocers, baby needs, your gas taking the baby to appointments and the time it takes to take him.
Call around to daycares and get prices. Around here daycares cost about 225-325 a week for infants.
Put down all those costs.
Then put down the house hold costs that he’s paying
Rent, power ect. I bet 100 bucks he will think twice about it once he sees the cost of daycare. I was paying 1600 a MONTH at my previous daycare when my youngest was 12 weeks old and my oldest was 3.
I am married. My husband pays the rent, power bill his car payment, car insurance and our cell phones. As well as daycare (we pay only about 450 a month now since my kiddos are older and are in school).
I pay my car payment, groceries, stuff for around the house, RX copays, copays to go the dr, basically all the little things. I have way better insurance as I work as a CMA in family practice for a major hospital system in our area and my insurance premiums are cheaper than his and we get incentives if we complete a healthy living physical and pass it for a discount. We balance each other out. It’s all about working together and compromise. If he doesn’t see that after you sit down and talk with him then maybe you both should re-evaluate your relationship and seek counseling to see if it can be saved.
Talk with a social worker at the hospital, to see what they have to offer. I’m not sure if you can just apply for food stamps and cash assistance on line, as I’m sure you want to be with the baby. SSi is not quick. The dad (other parent) would need to be paying something towards child support, maybe. Sorry he’s not being about family. <3 hugs <3
She has very little income people, read and comprehend. Some of you are ignorant as can be.
He should be paying you child support
Unfair he should cover everything for you until you can get back on ur feet, that’s what a supportive partner would do
You’re a couple right? You live together and split everything 50/50? If that’s the case that’s crazy. You should be a team, he sounds like a moron. Not future husband material. You weren’t able to get some kind of family leave act from work? SSI does take a little bit so hopefully that comes through shortly, try talking to the hospital social worker they should be able to help a little. Sending prayers to you and your little one and wishing you good luck!
It takes a village to raise children and just because you have them doesn’t mean bills and responsibilities just stop. Plenty of single mothers with the same 24 hours in a day make it work day in and day out. What happens when the lights get cut off and you and your baby doesn’t have ac in the middle of summer? Most families don’t have a rainy day fund and yall could be an alternator away from homelessness. Men are supposed to be providers but becoming a Father doesn’t automatically qualify you for a six figure job. Your families financial situation may not allow you to be a stay at home mom and he might be trying to get you to see that.
I’ve never understood couples that split money and bills like that. My husband and I have pretty much shared money from day one. We are a team. The bills have to be paid, regardless of who pays them. Your son’s father needs to understand that you are trying to make sure your son’s needs are met. He can be an adult and pick up the slack and quit whining about it…you are doing your part, it’s time for him to grow up and do his!
You have become the caretaker for this sweet baby on top of all of his medical needs. Seems like a full time job in itself. Nobody can care for him like you do. If anything, maybe there could be some compromises on lifestyle and living to help better suit living on one income until you get past this season of life you all are in and hopefully that’s something your babies father would be willing to communicate with you on. Hopefully there’s some type of assistance to help out during this rough patch in the mean time.
She’s asking for advice on what to do … not opinions on how her marriage should be
I just don’t get the point of having a “partner” like that when they aren’t even there for you during probably the hardest time of your life and caring for HIS baby. If you’re going to have to work and struggle like that then imo you might as well be a single mom, i would just drop his dead weight and get you a roommate that will pay half the bills and you don’t have to cook for or clean up after. And then he’ll have to pay in child support
The first year of our daughters life I couldn’t work due to struggles with several illnesses she had and the monitoring of some other health concerns when I did end up having to go back because financially we were drained i have worked full time and so does he we just work different shifts I work super early shift and he works seconds it’s not ideal but it works for us so someone’s always home with her and the other children she will be 3 in sept and I’m due with our 5th the same month apparently my husband wants me home the first year again for anything that may come up I’m so sorry mama you have to deal with this if it’s financially a need for you to go back to work see if there’s anyway your schedules can coexists such as certain days or hours and if the baby’s pays come that maybe he can take his child to those apts if he’s going to expect your help with bills then he needs to step up hugs it’s not always easy but I hope that he can help you navigate through this for your child’s sake it takes 2 it can’t fall all on you
This makes me so upset … ugh no. He need to support in this situation or kick ducking rocks.
Just throw the whole man away
Why are you still with him? Baby’s daddy needs to grow up. I’m sure the courts will make him pay…
This situation makes me so mad and what makes me even more mad is the people on here saying yes she should be responsible for half the bills…WTF is wrong with this “man” and these people!!! I suggest packing up all your kids and your stuff and moving in with family and get rid of that little ass boy that calls himself a “man”!!! No real man would act this way or treat his partner this way! Please whoever you are, this behavior of his is not ok or healthy for you and your children and you really need to leave and get you and your 2 beautiful children some where you can get some support and actual help! Sending my love and many prayers!
My ex was like this, i racked up $20k debt. He always had lots of money and I always struggled.
When i did go back to work, I earned half of what he did… still went 50/50.
He sounds selfish…
Please Dont be an idiot like I was
Wow, your son’s dad sound like a inconsiderate dick. If you’ve got no income then at this time it should fall to him. Once you have income again then you can work out what you can pay based on both your wages. It’s not fair he’s putting this added pressure on you and as it’s his son he should be so much more understanding and know that right now your son needs you 24/7
Nope not at all why would he expect u 2 do that while u have so much Goin on with babe
I had to figure things out, go to official city/state offices for accurate answered for your situation as if dad is not in the picture. You have been thru lots, so has your baby. Don’t look to the folks from a column that you have Beverly metro Mott
Tell him he has to take care of sick baby and all the appointments so you can go to work. However he still needs to pay his half of the rent.
If you were working prior you should be able to get maternity leave for the time you need to be out. Social security is a pain in the butt. Sometimes you just have to keep applying and be sure to have letters from all the drs for the baby. No at this point you should not have to pay half of everything because you are the one taking care of his child and all his needs plus trying to manage being a mom to your other child. He is wrong.
And he won’t support you both at this time yeah na
I have 2 preemies and one with a special heart I couldn’t imagine my husband saying you still owe half of everything. He worked extra to make sure I was with our son. He worked harder and took care of our other children every hospital, life flight, appointment. That’s what fathers do! They work harder to make sure the child has everything they need including being there for the mother when she is carrying the weight of the world. Find a better man.
That sucks what kind of father does not look after his own ? The worst type of man .
Question. If you were a single mother to those children who would pay your rent and bills?
You would. So it’s time to get what you need. Call the social and see if they can give you some sort of carers allowance…
I’m in my own home, with two children under 6 with serious medical conditions. Also pregnant so I get atleast 3/4 appointment a month. 90e for a taxi each way. I still manage it
OMG this makes me feel so sad. As a mother of three boys I know first hand how hard it is. Had my first son and went back to work but only to quit 5 months later. What is his is mine that’s how I see it and in fact it wasn’t like that until I quit my job. Had a long hard talk with him. If you ain’t going to support me than why I need a man for. 8 years later and still a SAHM. I don’t care what you have to do but as a man you better pick up the bills while I raise the kids get 2 or 3 jobs if needed. Your son needs you and honestly the kids come first before anything. I can always get a new man just saying.