I am devastated. Me SO and I have been trying to get pregnant for a while now. I did get pregnant in 2018, but I had a miscarriage while at work. I never told anyone because I didn’t want to break their hearts. And now, after my second miscarriage in November 2019, still didn’t tell anyone because I didn’t even know it until afterward, I feel like a horrible excuse for a woman. He had a hard time sleeping last night and was just talking, and he said, “We’ve been married for three years, and we can’t even have a kid. It’s embarrassing,” and it just broke my heart into a million pieces. I just cried silently. But now I can’t sleep, and I feel like I should just leave him so he can find someone who is able to have babies and make him happy. I pray every day for my rainbow baby, but it feels like it’ll never happen, and he shouldn’t have to go through that. Am I silly for thinking I should leave and allow him to find someone who can get pregnant?
Is he willing to adopt?
Have you thought, it’s just not the right time? Adoption? Don’t try… Have fun it’ll happen when you least expect it?
Oh bless your heart I’m so sorry if you think that’s what’s best & he isn’t willing to work through it with you then that may be the case but talk through the options before you decide to leave
Ive had those feelings. Husbands struggle like us and have feelings just like us. Its crap.
If you have not had any testing done, do so, even the very basic can give u answers
First of all, you are not broken. There is nothing wrong with you and there is NOTHING to be embarrassed about. The fact that he would say that and that that’s his perspective is mind blowing to me. You have nothing to feel guilty about. If anything, YOU should leave HIM for making you feel this way. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Maybe he’s just not the one. Maybe you’ve got something better waiting for you.
How do you know you can’t have a healthy pregnancy?
I could smack your husband in the mouth for saying such an insensitive comment. First, you’re not a failure. Having a child does not define you. If he’s not accepting that it may never happen and continues to make statements like this, you two need to seriously talk and figure out if your marriage or kids is the top priority.
Why not try a surrogate
There’s always adoption
It took my husband and I six year’s to have our first. Then our second was a very soon after surprise. Good luck
Try a fertility clinic. I know someone who did and she finally has a baby. There were underlining problems causing her to miscarry. Good luck maybe you guys should sit down and talk about it. And talk about going to see what’s happening.
Consider a surrogate. Maybe a close friend that would do it for you? I always told my best friend and her husband that I would gladly carry a baby for them
You need to hsve a serious talk with him about if he loves you enough to not have babies, or if his goal of having a baby outweighs his love for you. I’ve been with my husband for 7 years. We wanted a baby together but can not. I had a miscarriage and then almost 1 year later an ectopic pregnancy forced me into a partial hysterectomy. Meaning I can not have any more children. He chose me over another child.
Fertility, surrogate or adoption.
The issue could be anything, your assuming he would be able to have children with someone else, but nothing is guaranteed. I would consider other options if you really want a family.
Maybe adoption or sarogate? Maybe get tested for eggs and sperms counts.
I don’t think it’s embarrasing. It’s sad. Heartbreaking for sure. Just cause your married doesn’t mean you have to have children. You want children. There is a difference at least in my book. Goodluck. Hope you get your wish.
Some women have multiple miscarriages before they conceive a healthy baby. I wouldn’t throw in the towel just yet, go to your doctor and request testing to see why its happening. I’d start there!
Don’t blame yourself. Slap him in the face he deserves it. I would pack up n leave his sorry ass
Infertility is more common than you think. If you haven’t thought about it already, try seeing an infertility doctor. They are there for couples who can’t have a baby or having troubles. They were very helpful for my husband and I. I wouldn’t just give up your marriage over that. My husband and I ended up adopting and now have a beautiful baby boy. Next we might look into Embryo adoption.
You guys should see a fertility specialist first, or talk about adoption or surrogacy.
It took my husband and i 6 years I had 2 miscarriages.Then we haf a son in 2013 that passed of SIDS.Divorce is not the answer faith is.We now have a 2 year old and a 8 month old.I’m now expecting in july.DON’T GIVE UP!
Many people suffer from infertility. There are other ways to have a baby… surrogate, ivf, adoption. I wouldn’t leave my husband just because we couldn’t have a baby the “traditional” way.
Because you have had 2 miscarriages does not mean you will never have a child. I hope when your husband said what he said he didnt realize how he was making you feel. There are many ways to become a parent but although Im sure it feels like forever - 3 years isnt a really long time.- I hope god blesses you with a child
I would be more concerned with the fact that he said that to you! That’s so insensitive and unsupportive. You’re not broken. You’re going to be a mom and he needs to figure out his own crap.
Have you consulted a physician? It could be a very simple problem. He could also have a problem. There are so many other steps that should be taken, including maybe some marriage counseling, before throwing in the towel.
My brother and sister in law went through the same. Just one day, after 4 years of marriage, they were pregnant. They had given up all hope, which you shouldnt do. Talk to him, talk about other options as well. Talk to your dr, or a therapist.
Many people try for well over three years. That by no means lessens how difficult it is to loose a child. I am so sorry. You’re hashtags are perfect he is your spouse, your partner. He married you for you not necessarily his future child. Talk with him about how you’re both feeling. See a Dr together and better understand where you stand. Communication is key. This could just be short storm that you need weather together. Don’t give up so quick.
Oh sweet girl, my heart hurts for you. You are so deserving too, just like he is. Marriage is about struggling together and getting to the happy moments on the same journey, together! Maybe your journey isn’t going to be you carrying a baby but there are so many other options out there (easier said then done, I know). Please don’t put yourself down like that and not feel worthy enough because you’re struggling with fertility. My heart is with you.
Have you checked to see if there is a reason you haven’t been able to carry a baby to term? I wouldn’t throw out a good relationship strictly over this. Remember your vows, this is a test to your relationship, don’t give up too quickly. There are many ways to bring children into your life and build a family. Also, I have personally seen couples who were told they would never have children have successful pregnancies. Have you been on birth control? It took over three years for my sister in law to conceive after stopping them, and another 4 years to have a second child. All is not lost.
There are other ways to have a baby.sounds like you just have fertility issues doesn’t mean you can’t get pregnant you just might need some help
That would be hard! We had tried for a year and a half before we conceived. There are tons of things you can do to help that dont involve a fertility clinic. Chiropractor for one, eating healthier and exercising, giving yourself a good sleep schedule. Our bodies function best that way. Hope it turns out the best for you!
Men also can be the reason of struggling to get pregnant or staying pregnant. Its not just your body there half of the genes play a big role too. alot people stuggle try to look into finding a doctor that can run tests on both of you it could be a simple problem that can be fixed with a pill dont give up
He’s an asshole for that comment.
try a surrogate. if you can make the baby then it can still be your eggs and his sperm used don’t leave him for that reason alone as you obviously love each other
Woah… I feel your pain but don’t think that’s a reason to leave him. Is your relationship fine other than trying to have kids? My husband and I struggled for 4yrs, 3 miscarriages and started the process for foster to adopt and I got pregnant with our oldest… then we were blessed to have three in three years. There are other routes… adoption, fostering, surrogate or other fertility routes. I know it can get expensive but I pray you are able to have kids in the near future.
Keep trying and start taking prenatal vitamins now.
There’s sooooo many options. Talk to him and be honest. You shouldn’t have to be going through these feelings alone. Maybe he thinks it’s his fault (it’s neither of yours but he could be feeling like something is wrong with him just like you think something is wrong with you)
I miscarried MULTIPLE times and have five healthy happy babies at home. Do not base that off of anything. It took many years with the first and five years to conceive number two and four more years for number 3. wasnt an overnight thing but i will send positive pregnancy vibes hun.
I’m sorry to say this but if he’s willing to leave you because you can’t have children he never loved you in the first place there’s more options then just pregnancy to have children
Please don’t throw away your relationship because of this. There are options.
I know women who have had 6+ miscarriages and still had happy healthy kids.
I know it’s hard. I lost 1 as well. And almost lost my son now.
Please don’t give up.
I feel like sometimes we have miscarriages because it’s not meant to be at that moment in time. The way he is treating you could explain that reason. Some people’s “mix” just don’t “mix” well together. Hope this makes sense.
You know there is millions of unwanted babies out there that need a loving home and he’s not willing to adopt he doesn’t deserve to be a Father
So sorry for your losses. Go to Dr and be checked. My DIL had an issue & had 2 boys after 6 miscarriages
DON’T GIVE UP! It took me years to find out why I had so many miscarriages. I had 3 within 4 years and finally found out why! I also ended up having a tubal that ruptured and I almost died.
I have MTHFR, a gene mutation. My blood is too thick and was keeping the baby from getting what it needed from me. I have to take 85mg baby aspirin and methyl folate once a day, everyday of the pregnancy.
I now have 2 beautiful, rotten kids.
The issue could be with your husband too. Maybe he can’t produce healthy sperm. I’d have a talk with the hubs and let him know his words hurt. And if you want a child together look into fertility clinics.
It seems to me honey if he said that to you he doesn’t love you anyway. Who hurts the woman they love? I learned that love doesn’t hurt you when I met my late fiance. He would have hurt himself physically before he did anything to hurt me. He died 3 months ago taking my world, but that is not the point. You should leave but not for him, for yourself. Don’t beat yourself up plenty of woman have trouble getting pregnant. It may take some extra help. Find you someone who honors you as a woman and go to your Dr. Then have a baby out of love. Best wishes for your future.
Men can speak without thinking. That was incredibly insensitive of him. I would sit down and speak to him about how you’re feeling as well as him. Communication is key in every relationship and if you don’t have communication your relationship will fail. I do not think you should leave him simply because you’re having a hard time getting pregnant. It will happen when you least expect it and if not, that’s okay too! Surrogates and adoption are always an option. You could take your eggs and his sperm and still have a baby god forbid you simply can’t hold a pregnancy. It will be okay.
My partner and I have been trying 8 years your not alone in this sometimes I feel like a failure and the same thing and burst into tears my partner has my back and understands how hard it is that a womens body can’t even carry a baby he has always said we will have a baby when the timing is right and it’s not our time yet. We have been to IVF places who are willing I help us I so have PCOS which is harder to conceive I suggest maybe going to your local GP and asking for a referral to a gynecologist or even going through IVF together maybe he doesn’t understand that something could be wrong with either of you maybe if they explain it he might get a better understanding maybe be is hurt to there could be heaps of reasons why he’s feeling like this but don’t ever think that you’re not good enough sometimes these things happen.
My STBX and I struggled to have kids for a long time. Then we ended up having 5 kids back to back. Although I have no regrets, we are getting a divorce and he wants DNA tests on all the kids because they “can’t possibly be his”. So from experience, if he is feeling this way now, I would leave. It might just end in heartbreak anyways.
I’m sorry but if hes embarrassed by that hes a POS. You are better off without him. Hes not supportive by any means. I am so sorry. It took me and my husband 10 years of trying before my daughter was born. Shes now 4. We have been trying for 3 yrs for a second child and have no luck so far. But I can say if my husband ever told me that he would be out the door.
It sounds to me like he is feeling just as responsible and upset. I don’t know him or your situation, but I think he is struggling with it emotionally as well. Don’t give up. Sometimes it takes a while. I have been having so many problems lately. It takes its toll on both. I miscarried in August 2018, then I recently had an ectopic tubal pregnancy that caused me to have to have one of my tubes removed. It will be even harder now, but I just don’t lose hope and we talk about everything. Communication is key, and recognizing that statements like that are not necessarily directed at you.
I have PCOS. I miscarried once but also have two healthy children. Try acupuncture and don’t give up.
The fact that he made that comment would.be enough for me to consider leaving. My SO and I struggle with infertility. We tried for 4 years for a second and when I got pregnant in October last year it ended in an ectopic and the loss of one tube… Its not a one way street either he should be taking fertility tests to see if his sperm count is where it should.be
And you guys have many options. You could get tested for pcos, have an hsg done. Theres dozens of ways to fight infertility.
I’ve known many women who’ve had multiple miscarriages and then successfully had multiple children after without fertility drugs. You’ve only been married 3 years. If you still love each other, keep trying. Don’t give up.
I think you should first, see a doctor. Find out why. Then I’d discuss it with him and see his stance on foster/adoption. If he’s set to have his own, I’d tell him feel free to find a way to do that without you, and offer him an out
Dont you let him do this to you. If he so "embarrassed " then he can go find someone else. Hes an asshole for saying that. This is NOT your fault.
My aunt had 9 miscarriages over the course of 15 years of trying for a baby before having her 2 children. Infertility isn’t rare and there are options for conception that are available before giving up if that’s what you truly want. In fact my own mother was on fertility treatments and it took 9 years to concieve me and I had to go through a full 12 months of egg preservation via chemically induced menopause before I conceived my own daughter.
Women are not vessels meant only to carry children though and its offensive for someone to look at a woman and assume it’s her purpose.
Don’t think of leaving just so he can find another woman to be his child bearing vessel, leave only if you are unhappy with your relationship.
There are so many options you need to see a dr they can prescribe meds that may help and theres ivf if not talk to your husband you may have miscarried but it might be a issue with his sperm
Baby aspirin next time you get pregnant. It can help you carry to term. Good luck sweetie. Not being able to carry a baby does not make you any less of a women. Hugs & prayers coming your way
It sounds to me like he said something hurtful in a fight, and while it’s not right, every so often these things come out. He is just as frustrated as you are. Do I think some therapy might work, possibly, but unless you don’t love him anymore, then give it a try and talk it out.
Don’t give up hope. Theres many treatable causes that make women have miscarriages
Don’t leave. Talk to him. Make an appointment to talk to a specialist. I have 3 babies and 4 confirmed miscarriages. I know the feeling of being broken. It took me till I was 30 to find out I have endometriosis.
You did nothing wrong and he owes you an apology for saying something that rude
3 years is not a long time in the grand scheme of things, considering you married with the intention of the rest of your life. My husband and I were together almost 8 years before our rainbow baby came along. First go to a doctor, it seems you can get pregnant but they’re not sticking, find out why and how to fix it.
Also tell him he hurt your feelings, dont just leave him without telling him why, that would be unfair. Remember, for better or worse, in sickness and in health. You said I do. So did he.
You need to get counseling
I think the first step would be to include him on the pain that you’re going through there’s no way he can connect and understand unless you share with him what’s been happening. It could be something simple you guys should go to the doctors together to figure out what the next steps are. It took me six years to have my second child but it definitely helped to have my partner go through that journey with me.
Um…bigger picture…how about how RUDE was his comment? "Embarrassing?? "
Is that all he’s in the marriage for or all he wants you for?
Also, of this such a big issue to him, you NEED to tell him you’ve gotten pregnant and miscarried. That’s your body telling you something. If you need help with getting pregnant he needs to know about it. You can’t have a healthy relationship while keeping HUGE things like that from him.
And your ready to leave him because you can’t have kids?? You don’t even know that you can or can’t yet.
You guys need to have a SERIOUS situation down talk and figure out what you both want and how far youre willing to work on it.
I knew someone who was told by 2 doctors she could not have kids. Her husband stuck by her. 8 years later she had a beautiful baby girl. I believe in miracles and I also believe in positive thinking creates positive outcomes. It’s devastating to have a miscarriage but don’t give up hope🙏🏼 I’ve seen it with my own eyes
I had 6 miscarriages…and he came into my life with 2 babies. Please…if you love him, dont toss away your live over having a kid. There are SOOO many options. Have you been doing fertility treatments??? Have you looked into WHY you guys have a hard time?
They are so hard, but it’s only been 3 years. That’s nothing. Adoption is another option. So many children looking for a home and a family to love them. If u give up because u cant get pregnant, you WILL regret it. And he needs to lay off and start supporting you and watch what hes saying. Time to sit down and chat with him. I’m sorry for your losses…they aren’t easy. Ever. Each one was so hard for me. But it was never a reason to leave my husband.
I’ve had 4 miscarriages, and I had my 5th child last August. MCs don’t mean you can’t have kids, speak with your doctor.
No, not silly at all. You hang in there and talk to him over what happened. Trust that he loves you and your love in him. Trust and believe that the right time, it’ll happen
Listen that was completely fucked up what he said. Maybe you should leave him, I personally don’t think I couldnt stay with someone after them saying that. If you really love him keep trying, but if you feel like he’s going to keep being insensitive or that this is something he might cheat/leave you over then leave him.
Maybe you have APAS because of recurrent miscarriage
I had 7 miscarriages before I had my 1st son at 33 and then my 2nd came 18 months later don’t give up
Also… the comment wasn’t about her. He said “we.” Anyway… don’t give up. Keep trying.
Talk to him about it and how your feeling. He needs to know so you can go through it together. Talk with your doctor too. Prayers for ya
Aww Cheer up PM Me! I’ll give you good details on how to get pregnant Trust me I have 5 kids and know how to lay right haha!
Sounds like the two of you need to seek counseling, both couples and by yourselves. Also talk to a doctor about the miscarriages. He may have said that out of frustration and he could be blaming himself, not you.
Some couple try for much much longer before they are successful, and become successful! The fact you know you have been pregnant is hope enough. Make sure you communicate with your husband. Sometimes emotions get the best of us. But 3 years is not enough to just give up. Get the ball rolling for some doctor/specialist visits and communication communication communication.
You should definitely go to a doctor and should have when u had both miscarriages…
Maybe he’s embarrassed, could have something to do with him too. Consider it a sign to get checked out, both of you, the body needs to be right to grow a baby. Could be a simple fix. Or something like a thyroid issue can even cause miscarriage. Good luck, there’s usually always a solution!
For starters it could be you guys are trying too hard. Just let it happen. Maybe your a high risk and should see an ob. It also could be him too. Don’t let him discourage you. And I’m sorry but what an ASSHOLE.
Try seeing a fertility specialist. Start taking folic acid and a prenatal everyday. Change diet and reduce stress as much as possible. Wishing you baby blessings!!
Took me 5 years to conceive our 1st child just cause ur married doesn’t mean anything and reading that he said that its embarrassing is making me feel for u.
Hang in there it will happen… i have my rainbow baby it was worth the wait
Sounds like you need to be up front to your husband. And let him know about the miscarriages he’s completely in the dark. And clearly wants children.
You people are such lame ass hypocrites, she didn’t tell any one! So how do you know he’s not feeling embarrassed because he thinks he’s the problem? Judgmental assholes!
Who tf says that to their spouse?? It’s not your fault that things are not panning out with your body, and that’s soooo fucked up of him to say that. It makes me question where he is at psychologically and what other mean shit he says to you.
For 1 think don’t be so hard on yourself
Take care of u first
Ypur husband is rude!! & terribly unsupportive!! It’s “embarrassing” ??? No it is Not! It’s life! Everyone’s bodies r different!! HE may even be part of the reason ur miscarrying. Bet bet he didn’t think of that! Ugh men!!
He should never had said that to you. No I don’t think you all should give up either. I don’t know if he says Stuff like that often or if he was just tired of trying either way it was wrong, but I would first week counseling to work on the marriage because something like this can be a big burden on a relationship. Second both of you go to the doctor and have test done to see why it’s not happening. I’ll be honest I was told I would probably never get pregnant and if I did I wouldn’t be able to carry to term and would lose the baby. I had two miscarriages. My husband at the time was very abusive and after not having a child it got worse, I left him because I found out he was cheating on me and had got her pregnant (turns out it wasn’t his). I got with someone else and told him up front I probably would never have kids. I got pregnant again and miscarried while at work, then the very next month I was pregnant again. I was considered high risk and I had been taking the pill so I wouldn’t get pregnant but it happened. I carried pretty much full term she was 5lbs when she was born but did spend 2 weeks in NICU. At my 6 week check up I went back on the pill again and we used condoms but I was still told that she was a miracle and that it probably wouldn’t happen again. When she was almost 8 months old I found out I was pregnant again, I carried pretty much full term he came out at 6lbs. We did split up when our youngest was 1 because of issues but anyway I’m remarried now and found out I have thyroid issues that was the reason I was miscarrying. The new doctor said there was nothing major wrong with my reproductive area other then I’m tilted and leaning backwards that’s why I was told I wouldn’t carry full term but I did carry close enough for them to be healthy. My husband and I are wanting to have another child he does not have any bio children but he is raising my two and treats them as if they are his own. It hasn’t happened yet for us but we haven’t have up even after I had a miscarriage again a few months ago. We have decided that we know one issue is my thyroid and graves that is an autoimmune issue that cashed my hyperthyroidism and I am being treated so of I’m not pregnant by the end of this year he is going to go get checked out and us see a specialist because I’m already in my early 32 and I don’t want to have kids after 35.
We were married for 5 years before our first was born. It takes time and the right conditions. If you love him stay. If you don’t move on. It depends on both of you. Sometimes stress can have a lot impact on you and those around you. What must be will be… Never doubt that. Stay strong. Life is not just about kids. Why don’t you take hubby out on a wonderful vaycay and explore your passion for each other with no strings attached (expecting a baby)… Go easy on yourself. In the end, we are all just humans. You’ll be OK, I promise.
Sometimes it takes time.
Even if you guys never end up being pregnant, there are still tons of options out there to start your family
Maybe he thinks it’s embarrassing because he thinks it’s his fault tell him the truth get checked out and there are many ways to raise a child adoption is always a good idea that’s probably the best part of parenthood is raising the child
You aren’t silly for how you are feeling. It’s very common actually. But you need to talk to your husband about it. He is probably just scared & hurting and those aren’t easy emotions and often show up as anger and lashing out.
Be kind to yourself. Reach out to a trusted friend or a family member. Miscarriage isn’t anything you should be ashamed about. Sometimes outside support is what you need to get yourself through this. Right now it feels hopeless but there is hope for you to have your rainbow baby. Don’t give up on that.
He could have ssid that because he’s worried that HE is the reason you two have had a difficult time conceiving.
I’m sorry…honestly i think that was a terrible thing g he said…even though he may not have meant it to hurt you…I’d tell him that. Also, you don’t know that you can’t have a baby unless you’ve gone to a doctor. Go…together and get some professional opinions. Good luck and hugs to you!
No your not. But first you should ask if he would be genuinely happy if you guys had a surrogate or adopting. If no, move on… you deserve to be happy too.
Keep your head up. He may think it him and not you. Its time for that discussion! My momma has EIGHT miscarriages before me and two after me. It can happen!! Good luck!