You can come live with me and he can live with my sister. They would be a match made in heaven.
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Tell him if he doesnât stop making such a mess he is going to have to hire a maid service to clean and he will have to pay for it. Make it clear you canât do it all on your own. Itâs a win/win for you. Heâll either start cleaning up or hire someone that will. There is many other things I could suggest, but itâs not my place as Iâm not arab and canât judge your culture based on my beliefs. I wish you the best 
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Girl if its considered a sin to your god to live alone its better to for forgiveness than anything. Kick him out and explain to your family your god made you have free will and aslong as you live in worship of him you arent doing anything wrong.
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Can you move in with someone else instead?
Welcome to America , move out and move on⌠a pig is a pig even with lipstick onâŚ
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Sounds like your religion/culture is important to you and I applaud you for upholding it. At the end of the day he is a man and is not going to change until he is ready to change. Maybe pay a cleaning service and send him or your father the bill? I truly cannot think of any solution that isnât going to cause you drama or further loss of sanity. I am sorry this point in your life is hard at the moment, just try to to remember it is all temporary. Whether you finish school and no longer have to live with him, or you meet the man you want to share your life with, eventually it will change. I donât recommend just neglecting everything for pests and other general health concerns. Keep your space clean, maybe start buying paper plates and disposable cups so clean up isnât washing dishes for hours as much as grabbing a trash bag. Alternatively you could just start throwing away all the dishes when they are gross in stead of washing them and when he runs out and has nothing left to eat or drink out of let it be his problem not yours. He will get tired of buying dishes. I hope you find peace at home soon
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Great Music for Nothingness Meditation
Since your dad doesnât beat him he should pay for a cleaner bcs you are not the cleaner.
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Greatest thing about living in North America is you DO have a choice!! Well at least in this situation, you donât have to live with your brother, you can do your own thing
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Find somewhere else to live
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Bring some hot girlfriends over and embarrass his ass!
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Take all the dishes away first thing 
leave one fork one spoon one knife ect 
this always works once they are dirty you have to wash 
leave sticky notes everywhere on how to property do laundry dishes where to put garbage ect âŚ. Third if you are an American citizen if you claim yourself as an adult on taxes you can file for financial aid or donât let someone else claim you get a job after school did this I grew up on my own at 13 worked full time and went to school full time but I attended community college for all my prerequisites then a university for my internship I have 3,000 in student loans left thatâs it after 5 1/2 years only advice their DONT GET PREGNANT lol 
get out of that toxic situation campus has resources you can also find roommates that arenât party animals or pigs threw campus councilors as well to help make the cost of living do able to good luck
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Ditch brother and strike out on your own! Make your own rules! Donât confuse culture with your love for God!
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Find someone else to live with
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You over 18 u can move out even on your own as long as u look after yourself,your parents should trust u itâs the only way your brother will learn and let the problem solve
Stop cleaning his mess. Clean up after yourself and get out of there any reasonable way you can. Remove most things, like extra dishes. Use disposable? Itâs not your responsibility to train him. At what point are you allowed to live alone? Can you live with someone else? This rule sounds crazy and borderline abusive
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Find another room mate so you arenât living alone and kick him to the curb
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Donât clean up after him
find him a girlfriend
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Donât let being Arab own or control you. Stand up for yourself and start saving money even if your family doesnât like it get a job save that money secretly and move out. Your whole identity should not just be being Arab. What about what you want to do with your life. They will learn to take care of them selves eventually you need to move out and be your own person and if your family doesnât support that then unfortunately youâre just gonna have to deal with that itâs better than being a slave to them for your whole life. If you donât get out as soon as you can youâre going to be your brother slave forever.
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Iâd be telling dad if something doesnât change ASAP Iâll be getting my own place. No one should expect you to live in filth. Good luck girl!
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A man needs a maid you are not the maid. Get maid and since he wonât do any chores then he can pay for the maid .
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Walk-Away/ leave him alone/ tell them you are sick and need to live alone ( You can work to pay up your rent & expenses) I know that sometimes in other culture it is an effing stupid situation that you need to live w/ your family even if youâre old. Thatâs BS, children should stand on their own when they are old enough to care for themselves.
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Start dumping all the mess in his room. Boycott. Keep your room neat and donât clean the rest of the apartment.
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Alot of people trying to give advise but donât understand the culture. She can not tell her dad what sheâs going to do she can not live on her own. Sad to say woman who are of her culture do not have a voice and can not stand up for themselves.
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Mental health evaluationâŚ
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Sounds like he is selfish and likes the old old way of thinking and beliefs. He IS NOT going to change. His attitude is that it is your job to follow after and clean up. THIS WILL NEVER CHANGE AT HIS AGE. Some men are like this. They believe women are their personnel slaves.
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Is it possible to get a house cleaner a few times a week? If not than I agree with the dump his mess in his room comment! It shouldnât all fall on you!
Also Iâm sorry for the idiot comments telling you to move out. Iâm not sure why they refuse to believe that culture is culture and youâre happy. Comments like âmove outâ arenât helpful to you. I hope you figure it out and come to a solution!
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Being Arab shouldnât hinder you. Save your money. Move. If that isnât an option for you then clean your part leave his.
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I have to live with my brother and he is disgusting
Can u get into the dorms alone, or with a roommate? I mean, I get that youâre Arab and you have customs. But also, this is a different country. If you are not safe, go to a womenâs shelter. They can help you switch universities, too. This may be your chance for a whole new life.
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Sounds like you are giving him permission to be this way, because you clean after him. Treat as a child like he is acting as one. Dirty dishes , clothes dump in his room. He needs to learn how to live like a adult man. If he leaves clothes ect. Out in your shared space dump it in his room⌠as far as his personal cleanliness, sounds like he needs a role model his own ageâŚ
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Anything he leaves out goes into his room. No matter what it is. Food, cloths, drinks. Open door and toss it in.
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When you finish college are you going back to your native country or are you staying in America? I know there is a difference in the cultures and if you plan on staying in the USA maybe you can move and get a fresh start but if the plan is to go back then danger only awaits you unless you just stay in the situation you are in. Please decide on your future before you up and leave or move as I know that leaving could be dangerous and that is a decision you will have to live with for the rest of your life.
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Sounds like heâs in depression or some other form of mental illness
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Iâm so sorry youâre in this situation. Iâm guessing your Dad funds your education and housing. If you where to move he wouldnât. Is there anyway you can get a cleaner in? Besides that all I can suggest is Minimalize everything as much as you can. Hopefully youâll finish uni in a few years. You can do this especially when thereâs a end in sight. Think smart. Good luck.
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I am guessing your father is paying for your education and living expenses. Talk to him about what is going on and get him to help you make it more clear to your brother about house rules and who does what. If you canât do that, move to student housing where you are with others and not the only one cleaning. Or maybe find someone who shares the same culture/beliefs you do and move. You do have options. You just have to do what is best for you and your education.
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Study in school go home to sleep. Plan your future career. Take up a sewing hobby with ladies from your temple. Make friends. Try to get out as much as you can. Slowly.
I wouldnât stay there, definitely get out you shouldnât live like a prisoner
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Sorry you have to live like that âŚbut can you find another room mate and move out and leave him there???
Is he on the spectrum for Aspergers?
Have you a spot. Clean only what you use. Or live on campus with a room mate. Praying 
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If moving out isnât an option then maybe replace the dishes with disposable and get rid of or pack away anything unnecessary therefore things wonât become messy. If he leaves stuff all throughout the house put in a box and put it in the closet. Or throw it away. As for smell plugins and wax burners area always great!
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Pack all extra dishes and pans. Anything you can just use one each of. Designate his eating area. Bet him that he canât take a shower every day for a month. Pack any decor also so you do not have to clean it minimalize.
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Talk to a school counselor or a womanâs support group
Please stop being dismissive. She probably has a real fear.
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Look up minimal living. This means anything that is not needed do not keep in your shared living space.
Have a set of one cup, bowl, plate, spoon, fork, knife for yourself and only use them and wash them after each use. When you cook clean after yourself and wipe down the counters, sweep if you make a mess. Have one of each for him and let him know that he had to keep his set clean as well. Keep a spare set for your dad or a guest in a separate drawer/container/shelf; trash, storage or donate the rest.
Clean your kitchen once a week, clear the sink, wipe counters, sweep, mop , dust etc (whatever makes you comfortable). Let him know you will be doing it every other week so itâs his turn to do it on your off week. If he doesnât want to then tell him to pay you to do it.
Get rid of extra items in the living room, dining room, restroom, kitchen. Anything that belongs to you that can cause clutter remove from your shared living space; blankets, clothing, decorations, plants, books, etc. Clear your counter spaces of any extra unneeded unused items, trash/storage or donate them.
For the restroom buy wipes that you can keep in a cabinet that you can wipe down the counters, sink and toilet daily. Make it a routine so that those places stay clean. Give the restroom a good clean/ clean the shower/ sweep/mop once a week every other week. Again, get him to agree to either pay you to clean the restroom on your week off or tell him he has to clean it.
Tell him the same for the trash.
Buy some of those wax warmers and some wax cubes to melt, so that your house has a good smell despite his not showering. Keep one in the restroom and one in your room.
If he doesnât want to pay you to clean on your week off then tell him he will have to pay a house cleaner to do it because you are not going to do it on your day off.
Tell your dad this too so he knows what your plan is.
Keep your personal belongings in your room and keep your room comfortable and clean to your liking.
Hope some of this advise works as it has for me, good luck. 
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Find a different room mate
Iâm sorry I donât know anything about your customs. But can you live with someone else? Does it have to be him? If not, I would move. If you canât, I would literally pack up everything of mine and put it in my room or storage. Empty the house. Live like your visiting. Paper plates and bowls. And I would clean my room only and bathroom. No way would I continue to pick up after him. Put a lock on your bedroom door and lock it when you leave. Let him live like a pig. You live in your room.
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Realize she could be killed because of religious beliefs. Sheâs coming for true advice. 
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Stop identifying as Arab and start identifying as an American and move out. Problem solved.
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Try and stay in the dorms of the university
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Sorry but id be kicking him out. 
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I have to live with my brother and he is disgusting
So if ur abroad ur most likely in the US and ur 18 which means ur an adult u donât have to go by what ur family says if they are the ones paying for schooling get a job pay for it ur self move out no disrespect to ur culture but If it was me and the situation was effecting my mental health I would be doing everything I can to get out of the situation even if that me t going against my familyâs wish or believes Bc itâs not my family having to live in the situation probably gonna get hate for my comment but woman donât stand up for themselves in ALL cultures and itâs time we should
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Talk to your religious leader. Have them talk to him. Embarrassment might be an option at this point. In most religion you have to clean yourself before prayers. He is not being very observant if he is not bathing.
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Have your father pay for a cleaning service or a lady to clean after you.
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I am sorry you are going through this. Do you think your brother is suffering from depression or some sort of mental health issue? Is this since your motherâs death and is this some sort of learned helplessness, my sister will do it etc, it is her role etc. Bare with me here as someone who does not fully understand the culture, is there a method to get him help for any depression etc? Could the elders talk to him, male mentors etc. He is going down a slippery slope.
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could you live with any uni friends? maybe speak to your father and find out if a cleaner is an option or if you could live with friends, even female only if he wanted (so your not technically alone)
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As an ArabâŚare there things that he is responsible for? You arenât allowed to live aloneâŚbut you have to tolerate his behavior and mental abuse?
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Set up your own designated areas even if its in your room and manage your own duties or just dump all his dishes and mess in his room and let him live in the filth.
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Its going to be really difficult to get advice you feel you can actually follow on a forum such as this. Reason being is that the âwestern worldâ is so vastly different to the âeastern worldâ.
Our automatic advice is get up and get out and to hell with what they all think. To be fair - itâs not bad advice.
But on the other hand you have been raised in such a way that your beliefs and cultural ways are ingrained too deeply for you to just throw your hands up, tell him what you think and walk out. Its literally not even an option to you in your mind because of your upbringing.
You know youâd be disowned and bring shame to the family name. Not a step youâre willing to make Iâm sure.
However your mental health is being affected and youâve got to try find a balance between respectfully addressing the problem. Sounds like your brother isnât going to change. This is up to you.
Would your father intervene if you expressed how bad the situation is?
If you know he wonât then its literally down to you.
You either try something drastic to get your brother to see how disgusting he is or you take a giant leap and risk losing the family you have to get onto your own feet.
This is a difficult one. Culture is important however this aspect of it is ruining your ability to function. Youâve got some hard decisions to make xxx good luck.
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I would mess with him by gluing fake mold to him while he sleepsâŚIâd spray him with febreeze every time he walks by. Tell him heâs never going to find a woman by being a disgusting pig. Iâm not familiar with your culture, but Iâm pretty sure no woman wants to be with a man that doesnât bathe or pick up after himself. I agree to speak to your religious leader for guidance, unless they do nothing about itâŚIâd involve your father. Pour a bucket of soapy water on him every morning until he gets the hint.
That sounds like depression, so if you live over here why do u hav to follow the old customs, make new customs,move out on your own.
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Buy paper plates plastic spoons and soho cups. No more washing dishes. Throw all his trash in his room and close the door. Spray the house down with strong womans perfume. Burn incense. Get another roommate. Go live with an Arab family. A clean one.
I agree talk to your religious leader, seek their guidance as to stay inside your limitations. Good luck love
Move out on your own anyways.
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i think he might be depressed, talk to him⌠he seems like he isnt motivated to do anythingâŚ
Hire someone to come clean and make your father pay for it.
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If you have a phone⌠make short videos. Send them to your father. Play them for your brother âŚ
Doesnât shower for monthsâŚ? 
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New laws in Saudi allow women to live and travel alone or without male guardianship.
We womenâaround the worldâMust Rise against the idea that we ever have to Have permission from a Man to do anything. You are young, so this is difficult. Find a way around being with your brother. Instead of putting any energy at all into himâŚPUT All Your Energy into finding a solution. Leave your brother to live in his filth & You find an appropriate living situation with others. If you do this, You will change everything about your life. And it will be powerful. Good Luck.
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I told my âadult childrenâ and that if they didnât step it up and help with chores around house we were going to get a cleaning service. However, they were going to be responsible for the cost since they refused to help. That changed their mind set. As far as his hygiene, thatâs a tough one.
I would start putting the things he has messed up in his room. Once he gets enough things in there to really smell awful maybe he might get it.
Are you able to live with another female or only another male?
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For cleaning definitely put something nasty in his room that he can smell and he will want to clean. Paper plates; bowls elc; if he trashes the living room put a trash can in there where ever he sits. As for a shower you can buy that fart spray and spray it on his clothes. Some people canât smell that they stink they get so used to the smell so maybe adding more smell will help lol or atleast get someone to tell him he smells awful either way this is what Iâd do or just flat out tell him he smells like death.
Who cares if you are Arab. Get the hell of here and move out for your sake
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I mean youâre already getting an education, isnât that also something that had been frowned upon in the past?
You are living in 2021 time to stop putting Men on a pedestal- especially when they donât deserve it!
Move out, you gave it your best , that it all you can do .
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The ignorance on here is astounding. Americans really have no respect for culture.
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I can totally relate 
stop doing things for him. Concentrate on u. Anything he messes, put in his room in a pile. I did this with 1 if my brothers and now he even cooks for me
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When I lived w/ a bunch of girl roommates we had this issue w/ different roommates over time. Any dirty dishes or mess they left we would toss it all on there bed/personal area. It worked
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Wtf! Your choice love
Maybe your motherâs passing affected him way more than anyone realized. Try to get him to a therapist.
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Move out, who cares!!!
Grow up and move out
Simply stop doing it. Donât clean up after him at all. Clean up after yourself only. It will take a toll on you, Iâll tell you that from the beginning, but I did this with my family once. I went on strike. I was the only one in the house who would cook, clean, do laundry etc. on top of working full time and going to school full time. I got fed up and stopped. I didnât wash dishes, I didnât do laundry. I let it all pile up until THEY thought it was disgusting. I assume you each have your own bedrooms, so keep to your room, and avoid the common areas. Let him live in filth for a little while and see if anything changes. Good luck.
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I would take his mess and put it all in his room. Trash included. Just keep the dishes you use clean and keep them in your room. Not sure if you can use paper plates and cups? I would get rid of most dishes. Not sure of your dad is around but try talking to him about it. Can you stay with another relative? I wish you luck.
Donât clean. Just make sure tour room is clean and always go there. Cook and clean what u use
I know youâre arab, but girl leave the tradition and your family. Start your own life for you!
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You didnât say if you lived in the USA, but here women here have rights and if you didnât have to clean so much you could get a job that would help pay rent if you could share a apartment with another young lady and would have time for studies. Claim your rights !!
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some of you telling her to just leave and drop the tradition have never picked up a history book nor learned anything she canât do that and if she does she will be disowned , they will cut her off and she will be homeless and thatâs even more dangerous in itself
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I donât know. But if you figure out the secret let me know because I have 2 boys and a husband that are also pig pens. Lol
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Throw cleaner on him.
Either your brother is extremely lazy or he is dealing with depression.
Maybe your motherâs passing affected him way more than anyone realized.
If I were you, I would talk to your father and tell him how you feel about your brother.
If he is indeed depressed, try to get him to see a therapist. Otherwise ask your father if you can have a female roommate(s) instead.
If none of that works, then ask your father to have someone once or twice a week to help you clean the house, so you donât feel too overwhelmed.
Good luck 
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Girl! Thatâs my family. I literally have to ask for help because they donât mind living like hogs. Itâs a never ending cycle. Do your best but remember youâre only one person.
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Thought your lifestyle was a choice Arab or not if you are not happy change something. Get a job (not saying you donât have one), become independent and move out.
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Yep start throwing all his trash in his room and do not clean anything but your room and what you use. Many people have left their families, tradations and culture for many diffrent reasons.
She doesnât have to respect the culture if itâs not something she wants to believe in, regardless of what her family thinks or believes.
Children do not have to be indoctrinated into their parents beliefs or culture.
Now that sheâs an adult and in the US if she is here then now she has The Choice to stay or to leave and change her furure. Itâs scary as hell but sometimes you have to make hard decisions for your own happiness.
Honestly my brothers the same way and as much as I yell and bitch at him he still doesnât do it.
He yells and screams also.
So my advice is SAVE UR PEACE AND LIVE FOR URSELF
UR FAMILY IS NOT UR BURDEN.
Contact your university and ask if there is a counselor you can both see.
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People who are telling her to leave really do not understand and/or care about the cultural differences. Leaving is not an option. Itâs her culture. Not sure if itâs ignorance, outright stupidity, or complete arrogance when people force their cultural beliefs on other people.
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Idk if this is an option but maybe look for a place that is two in one house. So you could live on the bottom bit and he could be on the top? Iâm not sure if that breaks the rules or not. I was afraid to live on my own in college but wanted my own space. So my cousin and I found a place that had two of everything. The only other thing I can think of is minimize everything so at least the cleaning is less. Like only have one load of dishes.
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