I haven't been in the mood for sex since I gave birth: Advice?

I just had my 3rd baby a few months ago. Ever since the first baby I’ve had an issue with my sex drive. My husband is constantly throwing a fit about it or in a bad mood because he’s sexually frustrated. My question is, has anyone else experienced this? Has your doctor prescribed anything to help? Can you take it while breastfeeding? I’m desperate and don’t want it to ruin my marriage.

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Simply just have sex

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I didnt get my sexdrive back until the 6 month mark. Around 4 months my husband and I started having sex again maybe once a month.

I struggled with this with my first born. It took me almost 2 years to get right. I still had sex with my husband but he knew I wasn’t in the zone. You can talk to your doctor, but in my opinion it just takes time. You had a baby, your 3rd one to boot. You’re tired, you’re going through hormonal changes yet. It sucks yes, but we have to heal in more ways than one

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I just had my six baby 2 weeks ago and ever since I had my fourth baby I have no sex drive like I don’t want sex I don’t want anything to do with it but my fiance’s throws a fit and gets mad everytime I turn it down it’s just I have no sex drive I’m going to ask my doctor about some medicine or something to help

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Without wanting to sound crude If it was me, I would let him sort himself out with me there.Having sex after a baby is hard but he still needs to feel wanted. Maybe more foreplay. Xx

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I’ve always heard the more you’re in the mood the more you’re in the mood. Maybe try some private mommy time occasionally?

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Horny goat weed.
It’s a natural viagra for both sexes, along with other health benefits as well.
As far as it being safe for breast milk, I’m not entirely sure!

If he helps more with the housework and kids he might get laid more. Js.

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Some women don’t get their sex drive back until they are done breastfeeding. I wasn’t one of them. I come home from pushing the baby out wanting wiener. (Weird). I know some times it take hormones to adjust and some days I have that " I have been touched to much" feeling and I just want to be left alone.

Definitely lube because hormones breastfeeding might make you a little dry.
But also if you’ve seen the memes about chore-play… Because if you’re exhausted by the time the baby is in bed you won’t be in the mood. But if he’s helping out without you having to ask or ask more than one you’re probably more willing to end up in the mood.

My question. Is how long in between

It took about 5 years to get mine back x

Well you’re not gonna feel in the mood if youre touched out and hes throwing a hissy fit. What steps has he taken so you can feel like a desirable person to yourself and not just mom and milk supply? What intimacy is he providing? Sounds like he wants a wife appliance to service his needs and not a human person.

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Maybe he needs to stop nagging you for having sex. Let you recover and when you are ready for intimacy it will be easier. What’s he going to do when you hit menopause? You dont have a care in the world for having sex. Trust me.

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I went through the same thing. Try new things and just explain to hubby it’s not him you just aren’t feeling it. My doc said it was an off version of post partum. We tried new things and I got my groove back. :two_hearts::pray: it won’t ruin your marriage but it could change it for the best. Sure did with mine. Best wishes

Been there done that, I realized it was because of all of the time and energy focused on the kids, I was not interested at all in sex but I gave my now ex pleasure other ways, orally or by hand. I made sure he knew I loved him but had no physical desire for sex. I also realized I was depressed, you should talk to your doctor about depression, postpartum depression is very common and nothing to be ashamed about.

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It’s hard to get in the mood when your instincts evolve around keeping your baby alive and nurtured. I had to be out of our home entirely to get in the mood. In the beginning we would leave our son with my mother and we would go to a hotel for a weekend. It can be expensive but this really helped me get in the sex zone again. Three years later and it still not the same like when it was my husband and I but we at least do it twice a week or every other week.

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My sex drive came back after I left him :joy::joy:

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Some people it never comes back. I also have 3, our youngest is 4 yrs old. I have a ridiculously high drive so thankfully I didn’t have this issue, but I would recommend not listening to the people who say ‘he just has to deal without it’. To a point yes obviously, but definitely talk to your Dr bc you stated its been several years like this. There are a million contributing factors, however it sounds like you had more desire and becoming a mom changed that. It really does happen, especially if he’s not so helpful around the home and with the kids. Best wishes and happy holidays!

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Your not alone mommy. I’m 8 months pp and I could really care less for the most part. I breastfeed. I have heard that some alone time to yourself and playing with the clitoris gets things going. Never tried it, but worth a try if your desperate

Have you tried any enhancements?

Talk to your dr asap. If some men don’t get it at home at home they’ll get it elsewhere. Not all men but I wouldn’t risk it.

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Smh. You people telling her to drink or smoke weed when she said she’s breastfeeding. :woman_facepalming:
What you’re feeling is completely normal. Your body has been through a lot. It’s probably exhausted. You’re hormones aren’t going back to their pre-baby norm because you’re breastfeeding. If your husband can’t understand that and show you some respect instead of throwing a fit like a child then HE is the real problem. If he’s not willing to be understanding and supportive and try to help you with this issue then you don’t need him.

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In the same boat but 6 kids…Im 45 hes 39😔

I have none. It’s been 8yrs. The birth of my eldest did a number on my lady parts and sex really hurts. Every.single.time
It’s sort of getting better now (not sure why) but i would just do it for him. I don’t suggest that though. How long ago did you have baby?

I don’t have sex drive sometimes it’s there and nope gone

Have you tried maca root???

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If that’s all he’s got to complain about in the marriage then that’s on him, and he needs to sort his own issues out!! Don’t let him get you down over this! When you’re ready you’ll be ready, you know your body better than anybody!! Me and my partner rarely have sex after our baby too! End of the day you’re mum, your tired and not in the mood and that’s cool! If he can’t except that then that’s on him🤷🏽‍♀️

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Your marriage is important and you still need to make your husband a priority. Sorry if that is blunt. Is he helping you with the baby? Try to figure out what you need to get in the mood and go from there.

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Dong Quai you can find it at GNC - Vitamin Shoppe. Or at asian/chinese market.
Comes in capsule or tea form.
Known as female ginseng to boost drive and fertility.

I’m here for the comments Id also like to know… Seriously why do men make us feel like crap when we have no sex drive my sex drive has not been the same after kids my time and energy go on my 3 kids and 2 of them are special needs I’m litterly drained emotionally and physically by the end of the day…
:heart:

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breastfeeding does that unfortunately. but i think in a lot of long term relationships it’s all too common to just be like “wanna fuck?” talk to him about making foreplay a priority if he wants to have sex. a massage, a long make out session, whatever you’re into. also you can buy aphrodisiac candles at spencer’s and i’ve heard great things about those :rofl:

First of all, you need to talk to your husband about it, second, talk to your doctor. That simple

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Um yes it’s very common!! Also your husband needs to stop acting like a big baby!! Lmao! Sorry but you will find it will go up and down (your drive) as the years go on.

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It took your body 9 beautiful months to have the baby and it needs time to readjust! I am sorry your husband is not being supportive. Its alot for a mama to take on by herself with hormones going wild already not feeling great about the post preggo bod. We have all been there.focus on being the best mama right now babe and let your body heal. If he cannot be your partner when you need him most, you will figure it out. None of us can tell you what to do… but know we are here if you need an ear!

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My sex drive went after having my 3rd
Don’t want it at all
And it hurts
My baby is 18 months old
I’m trying to find out why

I am 34 and my 4th child was born almost 2 years ago and I got my tubes tied and ever since I have no sex drive as well and am not sure why! I would really like to know as well as I don’t want it to ruin my relationship as well, he is very supportive and says he thinks I had a little bit of post partum depression as well but its not something I’ve spoken to my doctor about but need to! I am lucky hes supportive and is patient with me and understands that I cant explain whats wrong if I have no idea what is wrong myself!

It must be hormonal issue .
Try hormonal balance diet .
As well as maca root powder .

:rofl::rofl: he better try the other hand. :woman_shrugging:t2: he can throw that frustration right out the damn window.

Don’t force yourself to have sex with him if you don’t want to. That’s absolute shit. Yes he has needs and yes he is your husband. That doesn’t mean you have to have sex with him because he wants it.

Talk to your dr and get your hormones checked. That honestly could be the issue

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:woman_shrugging:t3: I am in this exact same situation. I had our third baby in August and yeah I have a bit of a sex drive but it is absolutely no where like it was (and that sucks) we also seem to go through periods where I want it when he doesn’t and vice versa. It’s almost like a sexual communication disconnect or something. I’m hoping through some self reflecting I’ll come out of the funk. Best of wishes to you!

I’m on pelvic rest to prevent preterm labor again…havent had sex In 5 months…I’m 33 weeks today followed by the 6 week recovery. … my husband is the same. I’ll say a prayer for you.

I have the opposite problem. I have a sex drive but my husband doesn’t and doesn’t seem interested in doing anything about it. :roll_eyes: I wish you luck and hope you can get it sorted out

I got it after my first.

Just have to suck it up once in awhile to keep him happy.

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Go to your doctor. It could be a hormone imbalance or thyroid issue or even depression. Rule out medical causes first and then go from there. It could also be a marriage issue like him making you feel bad about it can have a knock on affect and make it worse. Maybe you need to spend more time together, more emotional support, more help around the house, a break away from the kids on your own a few hours a week? Sit down and talk about it calmly together. If all else fails maybe couples counselling? Good luck

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You’ve had your THIRD baby a short few months ago… Every pregnancy you have takes its toll on your body… Hormones and all… Wtf does he want? unconsenual sex!!! He needs to have a wank and remember you grew and ejected a whole human out your body. It might take up to a year for sex to resume on your part from being conformable with healing to the hormones settling down!!! Why is he soo frustrated? And also if your touched out and worn down by the three children and you being mummy 24/7 I think that needs to be addressed. If he wants hanky panky he better be doing chores and lightning your work load… Sorry I despise hearing about frustrated men greeting because a woman’s body is still fucked and recovering from pushing a baby out and he’d sad as he wants to shag. Like enrages me!!! Maybe he needs to learn to control his body better… However for your benefit, I found that the jag was the least invasive contraception to my sex drive. And without having massive periods to worry about that eased more discomfort on my part, an open convo with your man about why its no happening might chill him out and have some bloody compassion and backrubs, oral/ hand jobs might help break the tension a bit until you feel ready again. Also… Use luuuube. Tons of. It I had a second degree tear with my second and 8 months later I still need lube or its just sore. Good luck! Xx

Meh… Your husband knew how to take care of himself before you were there. He can’t … Ahem … In the shower to get by?
I just had my 3rd baby over a yr ago and my drive is pretty low too. Its normal. Dr blames hormones… So I researched and basically your momma hormones are dominating while baby is, well… A baby. It can go on A couple years.
So, with that knowledge, a give n take with the hubs… You gotta mentally get ready for it, and your hubs is going to have to give you some help really finding that mood ya know ? Plan it all out. Get a sitter. Do whatever helps your moods.
While I agree his needs are important he really should not hold against you… Throwing fits and being rude is just immature.

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Like everyone said, it’s a hormone imbalance. You could try different birth control pills until you find one that makes you feel normal again. Just have a glass of wine before and you’ll be fine. Make sex a priority and the more you do it again the more you will start to want it. Good luck!

I have the same issue. My baby is 6. I have found that with 3 Bio kids and 2 bonus kids at the end of the day I’m drained. 9/10 times my daily mood has alot to do with my desire. A low stress day makes life easier all the way around. IMO Women are mostly mentally driven where men are physically driven. Try to plan a date night where you can just relax. Hubby’s fit about your lack of drive probably isnt helping either.

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I dont even want my husband to touch me. So i completely understand.

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Are you taking the birth control pill ?

You will loose your merriage, get help!

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Your body has changed, you are a mother that takes care of the needs of everyone else first. It’s hard to have the energy at the end of the day or during lol. (3) kids here. Been through post partum depression too. It gets better with time. We have to feel better about ourselves too. Not just a mother, maid etc. why can’t husbands see that doing dishes, some laundry, cooking maybe would help tremendously!

when you stop breastfeeding it may return to normal…
thats what happened with me

Breastfeeding KILLS your sex drive. Its so normal, i asked my ob about it. That feeling went away after a year. I honestly felt like i was asexual, no sexual attraction To anyone.

Be kind on yourself, put your kids to bed and take a night off house stuff while you spend time on each other. Romance and foreplay without the expectation of sex helps. As a mumma of 4 our bodies do eventually heal and things get easier.

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First off I don’t think he should be putting that kind of pressure on you. You grew an human now feeding that human with your body. It’s tiring. ( my daughter is one) my sex drive was low after having her. My husband was never in a bad mood. He understood, didn’t like it lol.

I will say talk to your doctor about postpartum depression and anxiety. Looking back I believe mine had a lot to do with that. And being tired. Please just worry about taking care of you and your babies

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Definitely an issue you need to discuss with your doctor. In the mean time, it wouldn’t hurt your husband to be a little understanding of your issues.

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Talk to your doctor- there are several options are available. Also, call a friend, babysitter, grandma or someone to help an afternoon a week. You’ll be amazed how much being well rested can help

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Its a part id postpartum depression ur husband should hve patients and understanding and support u through out…you both should see a doctor …I’ve been there…one month after I had my son…through C-section I came home from the hospital…my then husband forced me …I was crying from pain and his attitude…

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I’m so glad I’m no longer married! It didn’t last long BC I just didn’t like being married. I love the single life. anyway sorry UR going through this. Men just don’t understand. He shouldn’t be pressuring you like that.

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How close were your children? Perhaps you are just exhausted. Are you able to hire help in the home or have a family member help? Try to get more rest if possible. Your child will still grow up to be a good person if you don’t breastfeed. Pump and have your husband help at night. Or quit breastfeeding all together. If you are feeling depressed or hopeless for longer than 2 weeks seek help. In the long run depression will hurt your children much more than not breastfeeding. Exhaustion will lead to depression. Take care of yourself so you can care for your family. If it has nothing to do with any of this you and your husband need to plan time just for the two of you. Get someone to watch the kids so you can go out and forget all your responsibilities for a few hours.

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This is why I’m glad I’m poly. I have a 9 week old and no drive at all. My husband has a high drive and even before a baby I couldn’t meet all his needs, holy crap, the man needed it like twice a day or more. He has a FWB who is just as high drive and when I’m not in the mood I just nudge him in her direction, its honestly saved our marriage because while we are fantastic in every other aspect wex is just not high on my needs or wants list. We communicate well, we love spending time together, we have the same goals and our interests are just common enough to keep us in the same chapter without smothering each other and we adore each other but sex has always been a problem. I’m not saying its appropriate for everyone and it takes a certain kind of person to make poly work but when it works its magic.

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I was the same exact way,!! you probably are mentally, physically exhausted and Your body is adjusting to your hormone levels peaking and dropping with birth and body getting back to pre pregnancy. If he respects and truly loves you he can wait until your ready and will understand. Why take meds to force your body to want to do it? It should come naturally. It’s not that you don’t love him anymore just adjusting . Also I always had a fear of kids hearing us or them walking in. He needs to practice patience . My husband did and is still alive! Lol. We have been together almost 29 years, our kids are now 21 amd 23 and now it’s back to the way it was when we met.

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Totally normal. My dr said it can take up to 2 years for your drive to come back completely. Your body has been through a lot and you’re taking care of a completely dependent human being.

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Sounds like you’re probably super tired and exhausted in all aspects. Your hubby is gonna be frustrated but hed gotta understand how much stress not one or two but three little ones bring to the mix. Like others are saying get checked out for hormone issues or mental issues. If none of those are the problem get a babysitter and spend a day with just you. Then maybe you’ll get in the mood (or just some really good guilt free sleep). If you can compromise and give him head or something. Im sure he won’t complain then! Also they have toys for him. Tell him go nuts lmao

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If you are wanting the intimacy but just can’t muster the drive longer than a fleeting glance, then you could check with a dr. If he’s whining, ask what is his drive is to resume activities so soon.

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I would talk to your Dr. I have the same issues and it turns out something is wrong with my thyroid. Its really common and it can be more obvious after having a child because our hormones can’t “bounce back” as easily as they would without a thyroid problem. What I thought was exhaustion from having a child turned out to be a much larger issue.

He needs to understand, I went through that while pregnant with my 3rd child … I did try for him even though I was never in the mood !

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I guess I have just learned to live with it. I find the foreplay more satisfying than the act, but have come to accept that he needs that aspect of intimacy to fulfill his needs. I don’t like it but it’s just the way it goes when you can’t get your hormones and other brain chemicals to balance themselves. :worried:

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Girl I had 3 babies in 3 years and feel 100% the way you do. I bought my hubby a mens toy and it’s awesome! When I’m not the mood, he uses that. Spend the $60 lol

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He definitely needs to let you be and heal you’ve given him 3 babies. And my sex drive has like disappeared because of the birth control I’m on I believe so you’re body needs to heal and get on track and he needs to let you heal and not act like a child because he’s frustrated. You are too but you can’t throw a tantrum

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I’d talk to your doc first to see how your hormones are then talk to your husband let him take over the kids so you can relax pamper yourself so that you guys can get it on if your stressed you might not feel in the mood for anything

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I have been like that since my daughter was born, and she is 14. My husband whines about it, and we do it some, just probably not enough. My hormone levels have always been fine, and they don’t tell me anything helpful.

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To me he doesn’t have feelings for you! He is only thinking about his needs. For gosh sake you have had 3 children.He. Needs to put it in his pants for awhile.

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Does your husband help around ? Or all duties are on you. Even he should be drained after third baby!

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Serious question have you had your hormones checked? You could have a thyroid issue .check out stuff with your dr…Also if you have the $$ maybe ask your husband to make plans to spend a night or two at a hotel and find a babysitter …maybe one on one time would be good for your hearts

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For me, while I was breastfeeding I had no sex drive. It’s part of having a baby. Breastfeeding takes the “moisture” from you girl area which takes the drive and pleasure away. Plus I’m sure with a new baby and other kids you’re extremely tired. I had my 5th baby about a year ago and I was so exhausted all the time I didn’t even want my husband touching me. I had a new baby attached to me all the time plus a 3yo who is a stage one clinger. We tried a couple of times after I was cleared at 6wks post pardom but it was so uncomfortable for me. My baby weened off breastfeeding at 10ms and about a month later my sex drive came back

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I am having this same exact problem had my 3 baby 4 mnths ago and after my second I lost my sex drive almost completely I don’t understand it cause it’s not like I’m not attracted to him I just don’t want to, my husband get flustered but understands

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I have been married 35 years a my sex never equals my husbands. I ask him when was the last time you did dishes, vacuumed or helped with housework. Babysat so you could get a lovely bath? He said that’s your stuff. I said you live in this house and want me to stop being too tired for sex, then help out. Otherwise go take care of it yourself.

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I had the same problem. Went to the doctor about it and ended up getting out on hormone supplements. Best thing I ever did. My sex drive came back like wild fire.

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Focusing so much on children. Find a sitter for a few days and take a break! Schedule time for the two of you - even if your ‘date’ is just a drive for fresh air or watch airplanes come and go.

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The more men help out around the house, the more sex they have. Jussayin. Also, Cannabis.

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I would never be attracted to a partner who threw a fit. A bad mood is no way to woo a woman who is already hesitant.

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Your tired and your hormones are not back to normal yet . Get some help with your baby and chores and tell him to be patient.

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If sex is the only way to have a husband be happy then you have other worries. He is a jerk.

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I agree talk to your doctor. Try different things. I was the same way after my first child. I found that if he took his time to get my body heated, than I could have sex but I needed the time. I like a guy that takes charge but at that time, did not work for me. My point is that sometimes try something simple but different

If not having sex on demand it’s going to ruin your marriage after having a baby it’s not much of a marriage it should be based on love not sex

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It is hard to be in the mood with all those hormones running rampant still, try HerSynergy, it’s all natural and will help with that.

I deal with it all the time most days nope and not often it’s to high

If your marriage is all about sex to him he needs to back off and re-evaluate his in conserderation

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As long as ur healed u can still enjoy the closeness it doesn’t have to be fireworks every time it has to start somewhere constantly rejecting him him is going to make him feel unneeded and unwanted start with him giving u a back rub to relax u and wash the day away

Just wait til you go through menopause.

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Does he know what causes babies? Breast feeding will not stop you from getting pregnant again

Talk to your Dr. I’ve never had issue with any of my 5 Children…

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Your husband needs to respect your wishes. He sounds very selfish.