We went from an extremely toxic relationship to this: He was on meth for ten years. I never knew he was on it when I got with him because I don’t do drugs. We had a baby. He’s left me many many many times in these last three years (our son is 2). He got sober. He’s almost 11 months sober. In the midst of his sobriety, I got him the help he needed. I damn near made him the man he is, and I have loved him through it all. He’s started a new medication. And all of a sudden, he doesn’t love me anymore. I feel confused, lost, and broken. Do I have the right to be angry? Do I have the right to hurt to my core because I thought this time was different? Or am I an idiot and should hate myself because it ended the same as it always has?
Run, he doesn’t deserve you.
He is doing what he has to do
You have the right to feel the way you do. But hunny you deserve so much better than that. He doesn’t deserve you at all.
I think you have the right to be angry and hurt but then you need to sit back and realize that is the best thing that could have happened for your child. Focus on yourself and child a the person you are meant to be will find you.
Now he have to learn to love his self first, sadly for you. You have all the right to be sad for you.
You have the right to all your feelings. And even though it hurts eventually you will be better off.
You have the right to be angry but you need to understand that he is bettering himself and has moved forward. Process the loss and move forward yourself.
Ask him what he loved about you when he was on meth. Then ask him what has changed. Don’t hate yourself. You brought him to be clean.
Could it be a side effect from his new med? Like messing with his moods or something? Look up possible side effects.
My guess is he is 100% a different person off drugs. Be glad he is sober for your kids and move on with your life. A counselor could probably help you a lot as well.
You have every right to be angry! But, don’t let it consume you. You seem to be a great person. The right one will appreciate you! Get mad. Yell, scream, maybe even throw something. Then, let it go and enjoy your life with your baby. Good luck!
Run away before he " loves " you again
Of course you have a right to be angry, but running is not the answer.
I have known my husband for three years and it is a journey for the both of you guys.
I think maybe he’s at a low point. I don’t think he doesn’t love you I think he is battling struggles.
Ppl will call me stupid for supporting you and him but from the way I’ve helped my husband I know from first hand of things…
If you need any advice you can PM me
You have the right to feel how you feel most definitely. Unfortunately you are now part of a past he seeks to leave behind. So sorry.
Addiction is a terrible thing. It sounds like you helped your son’s father and for that your son will be a healthier, happier person in life. You have every right to feel the way you do, but you also need to heal and move on. You have to take care of yourself to be the best mom you can be. I’d suggest reading codependent no more. It’s a great book and will help you get over what you had to go thru to get him sober. Be patient with yourself mama. This isn’t easy and the aftermath of the addict is terrible. Take care!
You have the right to feel that way.
he fell in love with you when he was a user, a totally different person. He is a new man now that he is sober, and as much as it hurts, you aren’t who he believes he needs anymore.
Be thankful your son has a sober daddy
You’re not an idiot. You’re an amazing person. But you need to stop working on him and work on yourself. Been there! You deserve better!!!
Don’t hate yourself. You loved him. You did everything that a good girlfriend should have done. But he sounds like it is time to move on. Grieve. Take time to get through this difficult time. You deserve better. In the future you will be so happy you arnt with him anymore.
Maybe he feels like you were an enabler?
Go to an Al-anon meeting.
I completely understand feeling hurt but you don’t have the right to be upset AT him. It’s not his fault. Appreciate that he’s being honest and understand that it doesn’t mean he was “playing you” or anything along those lines. You had a quality he was looking for at that time but it may not be something that he needs any longer.
I completely understand your pain, but that’s also why I really suggest an Al-anon group. It gives you a perspective that you probably need right now. Their addiction and their sobriety isn’t about you <3
You need to leave u cant and wont make him love u if he dosent. You an ur son deserve better
More than likely it’s a side effect of the medication. However, you can’t force someone to love you. They either do or they don’t. If he doesn’t love or want you anymore then let him go and move on with your life knowing you helped the father of your child through a tough time. Good luck.
It’s ok to hurt, but get rid of him and leave him, you deserve better.
Living a sober life after years of addiction isn’t easy. Please be patient.
You should be asking yourself why you stayed in such a toxic relationship for so long. You need help too.
You didn’t get him sober and it’s selfish of you to write this shit he got sober cause he chose to no one gets sober unless they want to and they put in the work no matter what others say or do
You didnt make him the man he is…and if you act like you did his actions make since…a addict doesnt get sober because someone made them they did it because they wanted to for them …almost 3y sober here
You have every right to be angry. Even though things are looking better for your guy right now chances are that he will backslight at some point. He doesn’t like himself right now and that may be confusing him and his relationship right now. I can’t speak for you but I would leave this guy. Don’t let kids be around Methheads or you will take a chance of loosing your child to DHS. You deserve better for yourself and your child.
He was an addict you were just a pawn, you were a need for him. Once he got clean you were no longer needed. Be happy he’s clean and cut your losses. It’s a nightmare.
You have no right to be angry no one gets “sober” because of anyone else he did it on his own he’s making the choice everyday to stay away from that life not you. You enabled him to stay sick and he kept you sick as well. Go to an alanon or narnon meeting.
You may love him forever but get out of the situation you’re in. You need to ask yourself why the hell you stayed in a toxic relationship for so long. Get out and stop subjecting yourself to this madness. For the sake of your child.
He’s a different person now. Let him go so you’re free to find the love of your life. Maybe you were put in his path to help him. Not everyone is meant to be in our lives forever unfortunately.
I wish you all the blessings
Could he be trying to push you away because of the guilt he carries of what he put you thru and I can say this with experience I tried to push the ones that loved me the most away because of the guilt of what I put them thru trust your heart and not others opinion you will find your answer
You took a damaged person and sobered him up. I get the feeling that he isn’t happy being sober and it is ALL YOUR FAULT! You saved him and real guy came out. D Selfcentered, and probably still toxic. Write it off as experience, wish him well and get away from him. Find out why you liked him better toxic. The baby doesn’t need him either. Congratulations on saving him, now save yourself and the baby.
Guuurl be proud of yourself for helping your daughter’s father. That’s amazing! Yeah I bet it hurts that he doesn’t love you anymore,bit are you sure he doesn’t? I know sobriety comes with a whole shit load of mixed emotions and finding oneself. Just let him go and if it was meant to be, he’ll be back.
It sucks, it really does, but he has absolutely no obligation to love you. What you did was an amazing thing, be proud of yourself for getting him the help he needs. But how he feels is ultimately out of his or your control and he doesn’t owe you anything. You may have helped him get ahold of the resources to get sober, but the only person who can get someone/keep someone sober, is that person themselves. And only them. So yes, you did a good thing by helping, but you can’t make someone love you because you did them a favour
You need to know you did not have anything to do with him getting sober.
It seems like everybody’s jumping on the wagon to tell you you’re wrong I don’t think you’re wrong I think it’s time you held your head high and moved on you did what you could now it’s time to think about yourself I would leave him take my things and live your life you’ve done what you could there’s no shame in that you tried to help somebody you might get back later on you might not but right now you need to think about yourself and don’t let anybody put you down you’re a good person
You can be upset because you love him. But it was his choice and him alone to make the decision to stay clean. You didn’t make him the man he is either. Stop giving yourself credit for what you don’t deserve. You may have helped get him to position that he is now but YOU are not who made him be who he is today. He choose that. Not you. So maybe you need to start giving him credit for that instead of holding yourself so high for a battle he won within himself. Idk why you stayed with someone on drugs for so long either, you might want to consider what you need to change within yourself as well. If you feel the love is lost, move on. You’ve invested enough in this relationship from the sounds of it.
I mean yeah but no. He’s human. Sometimes with growth comes change. Hurts sometimes but life
I’ve done everything. I’m proud we both turned toxicity into us both being adults and what was a loving relationship. He started feeling this way after he started new meds and his irritability and a few more side effects were showing before he sat me down and told me he doesn’t love me anymore
You absolutely have a right to be angry and be hurt. Let that loser go. He couldn’t give up drugs for his kid, you should have been gone.
Even when he told me. I asked how long and for complete honesty. It wasn’t a dramatic scene where he felt he had to lie to calm me down. It was just a talk. And I asked everything I knew to ask.
Sobriety is a hard road to travel. Just imagine this for a moment in 10 years hes never had an honest emotion and now he has to process every single one built up over 10 years and unfortunately you happen to be the closest. Why the closest are easiest to hurt I’ll never know but we are. If it’s too much for you no one will ever knock you for bettering your life for your child but hes got a lot of shit to dig through if you want to stick around.
I did also remind him (because I’ve said it before) I can’t make him love me. I’ve never tried to make him love me. He got sober because of a bad situation that happened and he kept screaming he wanted his family (me and our son) and he was told he didn’t have a family because he couldn’t grow up and be a man and handle his responsibilities. He wanted me. And I wanted him and a life with him and our son together as long as he’s sober
LOVE YOURSELF and get the hell out.
You can’t tell if someone is on drugs !! That means ur on that shit to
You can be angry, youre allowed to have your emotions. But hes not obligated to you bcuz you made the decision to help him get and stay sober.
You can be angry and hurt. But it’s time to leave. There’s always the chance that he’ll relapse. Do you really want to continue to be in that kind of relationship?
First thing you should ask yourself is “did I help him become sober for myself or to help him?” If you did that for yourself, then there may be bigger issues to address than the loss of affection. If you did it for him, then you should not be sitting here considering holding it over his head like he owes you something.
That doesn’t mean that the relationship shouldn’t thrive, however. You should still be his #1 priority and he should still be yours. I fell out of love with my wife once and she did with me once. Both were during the worst parts of our relationship. We’re still together, we still love each other and we’re still struggling with the same issues, but we’re also still refusing to give up.
Everything you’ve said in your question should be said to your boyfriend. I’m not quite sure that him sobering up is directly linked to his loss of affection for you. If he hasn’t told you that, I recommend asking him what’s caused the change. He might not know and that’s okay, cause no matter the reason, known or unknown, you guys will have to work on it together to get back on top.
Honey, you can grieve the love you both had, at least he’s being honest instead of leading you on whether it’s being misunderstood and he’s trying to get a handle on himself while being on meds, has he been seeing a counselor as well? You’re not responsible for the person he turned out to be, fighting an addiction that was before you came into the picture, yes he may have you and his son as MOTIVATION to quit, but that’s all it is, you can’t claim anything more than encouraging him to be the man he is now, take pride in that and know you did an amazing thing. Let go.
Sweetheart I’ve been there and loved him through it all. I took myself & my daughter through ugly tears to live a better life and moved forward, its ok to feel hurt upset and sad while picking yourself up. But dont forget to let the sun shine through one day when you’re healed and healthy your self
You should read the big book or one for drugs. It explains a lot on an addict emotions. Might help you understand more.
I am a recovering meth addict. I am also a parent. And let me tell you, the recovery NEVER ends. Every day is a struggle, and chances are he is going through changes that you could not possibly understand. It is not as easy as growing up and handling responsibility when meth has you In its grasp. It also is not easy to recover in a family environment, or an environment that expects more of you than you even have yourself. Meth takes every ounce of well being away from someone and sometimes, support can feel oberwhelmeing and overbearing and force you to question the relationships you have in your life. I am so sorry you fell in love with a drug addict, and even more sorry you put yourself in the position to be hurt by one. You have the right to be angry, hurt and discouraged but you need to know it has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with the effects of his addiction, love yourself, and love your son and let him go.
Don’t waste time I promise in 10 years you’ll look back and kick yourself in the ass for wasting precious time
You have a right to be upset if that’s how you feel. But I would use this as a wake up call to finally end things and move on with your life.
You have every right to feel how you feel. As a recovering addict who is 5 years sober I will say, his sobriety may not last very long once he is not with you. Addicts dont stay sober unless they want to. You helped him get sober, and now he needs to stay sober without your help. Feel however you feel. Feel it process it and move forward. Addicts are spastic, whether they are in recovery or not. Anyone who tried to help me get clean never actually succeeded. It wasnt I’ll I wanted it that I stayed. Maybe he is saying that because he wants to relapse but doesnt want to hurt you anymore with it. It’s probably for the best tbh. Addiction is ugly…addiction and love is an ugly combination and nothing good can really come from it…
Seriously, if you want to chat, I’ve lived your life!
You don’t need him it also could be the medication
Of course u r hurt…its not a right or wrong thing sweetie! U love him!!! If u didnt, u wouldnt be hurt u know what I mean? As others said, it was him himself that got him sober, but u do need the right environment n support for the sobriety to continue. Kudos to u for helping him. U do deserve some gratification, but he did have the final decision on his own life and lifestyle. I’m in recovery myself…painkillers were my thing. Over 8yrs for me. I was hanging out w a particular guy at the time cuz of his supply…I’m ashamed to admit it, but that was the addict me…not the real me. He did encourage me to get clean even though he sold drugs on the side. When I did get clean, I didnt feel the same way about him. Then again, I did know all along I was only around him so I didnt feel sick. Once I was good, I did thank him for all he has done, but I realized I didnt care for him the way he did me. Ik u said ur guy started a new med that got him like this, but I honestly think he only thought he loved u cuz u loved him even w the addiction he carried (I’m aware you didnt know at 1st, but when u did know, u didnt get rid of him ya know?) But if he truly did love u, he would’ve stuck around…meds or not. Medications can decrease sex drive etc, but it cant make u not love someone anymore. U have to dust your shoulders off n just worry about you and your child…that’s it! I’m sorry u did get burned the way u did. Sounds like u have a good heart, but u gave it to the wrong person who didnt have one due to the drugs masking it up! I do feel for u n you should feel upset cuz u love him. It’s only natural in any sort of break up if it isnt u doing the breaking up. Time will heal all wounds bbg. Again, just worry about u and yours. Stay strong mama
You cannot make someone get sober. They will resent you. I am sober 7 years, took more than 3 years going back out to figure it out. I had to get sober for me not for anyone else. Yes you have a right to feel the way you feel but know that when you get sober you change, you grow. Sometimes everything in your life has to change. It isn’t a choice, you have to do it to maintain your sobriety. I’m sorry you feel angry but if he didn’t want to be sober he won’t stay sober. He has to have the credit for his sobriety cause he is fighting that fight every single day
If it was a big life change for him that may mean his love life too. I’m not downgrading what you did for him but his perspective since he’s been off drugs is different. Your purpose in his life may be different than what you thought. You may have been put in his life to help him and not be in a relationship. I personally would be upset too but if you really care about him and his best interest and that’s the way he wants to go just be supportive and let him go. It’s not going to be different if you try to make him stay and he don’t want to. Be in peace with it and move on. You did your part and you will be compensated with it with a different relationship. God works in mysterious ways.
Be happy that your baby father is doing well. Wishing you the best.
You have a right to feel how you feel. I haven’t been in a relationship with someone struggling with addiction. I would recommend looking into Alanon or some kind of counseling for yourself. You deserve happiness and so does your son. If it’s over there is nothing you can do about it but you can come together to coparent your son and give him the best mommy and daddy.
The medication is probably helping him. And he may be wanting a change in his life now that he’s sober. You never know if it’s you, he may just want some time away to better himself from all the guilt and pain he has caused you. It could also be a side effect from his new medication… many meds have negative side effects that require doctor visits for med changes.
I’ve always said that abuse of any type is reason for me to nope on outta there. Be it physical, emotional, verbal or substance.
It’s time to nope
Since you made him a better / healthier man, now he sees you as his mother, not his lover ,and he knew all along that you were only a way for him to grow up . Now that he is in a better place in his head, he feels free to go and look for the "ideal " partner he thinks he needs, somebody who doesn’t know his past,and accepts him at face value for what he is now
What medication is he on? I’m not making excuses for him but some medication makes u fell depressed before it starts to work. It normally starts to work after 4 weeks
Wife of an addict in recovery
You have every right to be angry. Had I stood by someone and then felt like they turned on me I know I would be. But people fall in and out of love all the time. You chose to help him and stand by him and I’m sure he will be forever grateful however you don’t want him to stay with you because you think he owes you something. Being in recovery is no walk in the park for either party but give him some credit of his own. Focus on your child and how to coparent. You should focus on healing yourself at this point.
A) doesn’t sound like he loved you to begin with
B) helping him get sober does not mean he has to be stuck with you
C) be happy your SON’S dad is sober
You have every right to feel upset, but he has every right to live his truth. And if his sober self isn’t in love with you, you can’t force that
Well sober him isn’t the same as using him and he’s experienced some major life changes so things are bound to change. Give things time. Get therapy together and see if you have something worth saving. You shouldn’t help someone if you were expecting something in return- I guess I don’t know what exactly you were expecting. I am doing this right now myself and I wanted him to be healthy and happy and alive whether he was with me or not. Good luck. Take time and find out what you need.
thank God he saw fit to use you to help yhis lost soul and trust Him to do what’s right for you
You should NEVER hate yourself for helping someone.
It sucks and it’s extremely painful to love an addict, stick with them through all the bullshit, the using, getting sober only to relapse again and again. You have pored your heart and soul into this person, only to be left high and dry when they finally get their shit together and actually stay sober.
Honey his actions say EVERYTHING about him and NOTHING about you. And yes you have the right to be angry, just don’t stay that way. You should be truthfully happy that he is sober, and you should be extremely proud of yourself for helping him get that way.
I’ve had to look at the demise of my 16 yr marriage to an addict who got clean shortly after he kicked me out like this…although I thought of us as FOREVER, God obviously saw me as a tool to help Him in my ex’s road to recovery. And in this painful process God was using my ex to help me find my strength and faith.
Stay strong mama, the sun will shine again
Ok, let’s start with you are not an idiot.
You shouldn’t hate yourself for loving someone.
You should leave, if he doesn’t love you, you both will be wasting time, you deserve someone who loves you.
I’d feel betrayed, and I wouldn’t ever get over it. Sobriety talking or not, I’d be working on moving on without him. He used your love as a crutch and now doesn’t need it. You deserve to be loved back by someone healthy.
Been right where you are execept my partner started 4 yrs into our relationship, he doesn’t hate you hun, he is still struggling every single day with the urge and he probably hates himself for what he put you through and missing out on his sons milestones, he is battling a lot in his head right now, be there for him and let him know that you are here to help him. It does get better, my partner used for 7 years, he did have several months in that amount of time where he would do really well then relapse, but he has been clean for a year and has a job, he is spending a lot more time with the kids (we have 3 eldest is 6 next month, 4 yr old and 23 month old) he is less snappy and we are finally getting our 11 year relationship back on track. You are a incredibly strong woman remember that.
Pissed off more like but then think about it you have saved a soul. …move on and meet a man who will love you for you
You should feel good about having played a big part of him getting Sober! He has been in a fog not a clear mind,now he does behave a clear mind,new opening to his life,let him,go find himself as Sober person,it will work out!
No. Don’t fix people to make them love you.
The way people think while on drugs is completely different when they are sober. Be thankful he’s being honest and walk away
When you say he doesn’t love me…do you mean Sex??? Because a lot of medication inhibits the sex drive…
If this is the case then you have a answer…
You have every right to feel whatever emotions you want. But as does he.
Just because you helped him doesnt mean he owes you or should have to be in love with you or be with you.
Now get the help you need. Go to Alanon. It be the best thing you can do!! Get a sponsor right away.
He doesn’t owe you anything. Just be thankful he’s clean and sober for your son, count your blessings that you are all out from a toxic relationship and move on. I know that’s easier said than done but you deserve to be happy. It will come. Don’t be bitter, keep moving forward to be better. And let him be better as well. Good luck.
He is the idiot. You’ re a good, loving and caring person. Be glad he is sober for your son. You will fnd someone that truly loves you. Have faith.
Leave him. You have a baby to take care of.
I’m so sorry. You went through hell to have a happy, intact family and just when things are looking good he drops a bomb on you.
Get some therapy to be able to grieve the life together you were working towards. This sucks, pure and simple, and will leave a hole in your heart.
Can you go to marriage counseling together to help sort things out better? Maybe he feels like he doesn’t want to be your “project.”
We all think you’re an awesome person, and you should move on so you can find a real man who will recognize what an angel you are. Good luck and revel in the love your child feels for you.
You have a right to leave🤷♀️
You need to leave. He doesn’t appreciate you. He betrayed you. Take your son and go.
let him have time hes breaking free. he’s going to need tim to figure out where he is who he is to forgive himself. he needs his mind and needs to trust him self. it will make him stronger some people fall apart and get back together stronger. hav faith in you show him your strong and can take it
I mean you can be angry if you want, but that won’t make him love you. Be glad he got the help he needed, no matter how he got it, and move on.
You do have the right to feel however you want but I will say this… Addiction is powerful! It will change your brain is all kinds of ways, especially being on meth for a decade. Most addicts also deal with depression, anxiety, and a slew of other mental health issues. Addiction is never ending, even through sobriety, it doesn’t just go away once you’re sober and it is very difficult to get and stay sober. Him being sober for almost a year from a 10 year meth addiction, is incredible and you should NOT take credit for that! You helped him and were there for him and that’s great and I’m sure it helped but YOU are not the one who put in the work to become sober and stay sober for 11 months, he did that completely on his own! If you don’t think so, try helping an addict who doesn’t want to get sober… you can do everything in your power to get them off of it but if they don’t want to stop then nothing you do will make them stop. I know you are hurt but people on drugs have very clouded judgement so while he was on drugs, he thought he wanted to be with you but maybe he changed his mind once he got sober. My advice would be to stop only thinking about how you feel and try to understand how he feels during this. Maybe it’s too hard for him to be with you because being around you reminds him of using since he was using through most of y’all’s relationship and his top priority right now should be to remain sober and he is allowed to do whatever he must do to stay sober. I know it must suck to feel the way you do but give him some time, he has lost the last ten years of his life to drugs and is having to learn how to live life without them. I hope this helps you see the situation with a different perspective.
God allows certain people in our lives, it’s up to us how long we stay and what we put into it. Be grateful that God allowed you to save a lost sheep, he has a bigger and better plan in you and your child’s life. You will be greatly rewarded for helping him get though the worst time of his life. Your blessings will be much bigger and better believe me. Hold your head up and keep smiling sweetie . Move on with your life. You are a wonderful person.
Hun you have every right to be angry and hurt. You loved him thru his dark times and still stuck by him and even helped him thru it. For him to do this to you is heartless and disrespectful towards you. Even tho it may be hard I would let him go. He will slip up and run back to you and that’s when you should shut the door. You did all you can be proud of your self and move on
You do stuff out of the goodness of your heart. He owes you nothing if you hoped to gain from helping. You honestly should not have even had your baby near a drug addict. So, think of it as a blessing in disguise.
He doesn’t know what love is. He doesn’t need to be a toxic relationship neither do you.
Get help yourself.
Maybe start going to church find a new group of friends and find a more stable man.
You would be helping both of you to start afresh. Praying for you. Sometimes we love to have our ego stroke dont kid yourself he’s NOT going to change.
How many times has he left you? He’s not going to change . Move on. He’s sober and he still leaving you!!!
You have a right to be angry . Get mad furious if that’s what it takes to get away from him!!
You have a right to be angry. Now take that love and care and give it to yourself. Of course, be healthy and fair about it. And of course the healthy and fair way is to be your best version for yourself and your child. Put your energy there. That’s where you’ll have the most rewarding impact. If you’re not sure how to do that, start figuring it out.
I can understand your anger, as you poured so much into someone hoping for change! Given that you have a baby with him and it’s even harder to deal with! With that said, it’s time to (hard as it will be) pick yourself up and move away from this toxicity. Take your child and walk away. Talk to someone, try therapy, focus on you and your child! He will see his mistakes one day and you will have to decide if you want to keep participating in this mess or move onto a healthier, more loving life!