I just had a baby and am struggling to get along with my mom: Advice?

You are both grieving as well. Can you find a therapist? Maybe someone online?

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Since you just had a baby, take care of your baby. Your mom has a lot to take care of right now and although she can offer you a free place to stay, it will be a while before you both are adjusted to a new way of life. Be kind and love one another.

Take your baby and go to a homeless shelter they can hook you up with resources to get education and child care job and also start the ball rolling for you to get child support

Apply for tanf and request help with subsidized child care through dept of family and children services in your state. They will collect from your child’s dad any support they give you. You need to get out of the house and work on your independence and then your mom may step into help one day when she’s doing better. She is grieving

Moms and daughters sometimes disagree but remember she is willing to let you live there and she is your Mom.

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You don’t necessarily need to live somewhere sketchy there are plenty of places that accept state assistance that are safe places to stay :heart::blush:

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You should take any help from the government you can get for the moment
Go to the council and get your name on the list for a small little pace of your own,
It’s much too soon with the baby only being weeks old to think about going to work at the moment
But you do need an outside interest
Even if it’s just going out for a walk
Try and contact friends in a similar situation
Your mom is grieving your dad and will be really sad so I wouldn’t argue with her but you could try to speak to her and tell her you are trying to understand and also you are going to get a place of your own,
It may lift some of the pressure off both of you,
Accept all help that is given
Best wishes for a wonderful future with your baby
Xxxx they grow up so quickly xxxx

You and mom need to seek a MHMR center (they go by income) and get help. You both are suffering and need medication. Yes, you need to apply for assistance until your baby is older; no shame in needing help.

Just listen to your Mom respectively and do things your way. Mine was that way but I was not in her house. It may be tougher for you.

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Be respectful of your mother’s home and her space. Appreciate the soft place to land while you find your bearings, be active in searching for employment, housing, and child care. There are programs to help you do all of those things. Pell grants to go to school or jobs are everywhere right now, lots of them are remote work so you could be home with your child for longer. Section 8 housing grants, childcare copays based on income. Finding a place right now is super tough with eviction moratoriums and landlords tired of getting screwed over by renters. No matter about anything else you have to do this for yourself and your child. It’s a lot. I know. Don’t forget that your mom has challenges too… She lost her husband. Does she still work? Has her husband’s death increased her financial burden? There’s so much to this. She didn’t have another baby. You had a child, unfortunately with someone who turned out to be no kind of partner at all, so unfortunately you are a single parent. So this falls on you. Be careful in the future who you share yourself with. Use the help available and become someone your child will respect and emulate. Best of luck.

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Try to find human resources in your county and sign up for assistance. Housing and financial assistance…

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ever hear the saying “pick your battles”? This applys here. Decide to mooch off your Mom and respect her help and support. Oh find a remote job, get your own place, and have no one to argue with. In my opinion you living at home being financially independent on a woman who probably never saw this coming, is so much stress. It would be a world of difference and you could help out financially. If you dont want, her house, her rules. Stop arguing with the only person on earth allowing you to pick and choose what you want to do and she’s back into a corner. You cant get to be supported by someone else and get your way. Please look at her sacrifices and how your bad choices have impacted her. Trust me, she is just as frustrated. Your life choices have led to less than perfect living arrangements. Those same choices led to her less than ideal situation. Make a plan to get of her house, or at least a job whether remote or not and help out. Less stress, less arguing.

Get a job ! There is a lot of help out there and if you qualify you can get it. The government isn’t going to support your baby when there is a dead beat Dad out there. See an attorney (try legal-aid) make that Dad help support the baby. I know it’s scary but it can be done. I know because I was a single Mom with four kids. It wasn’t always easy but we made it and you can too. God Bless You !

You have both lost someone very close to yous. Take care of each other

I wish you all the best and hope you consider some of the very good advice given by kind thoughtful strangers. That is my comment. Now I am getting on my soap box, not necessarily meant for you, because it’s too late. Why do so many young people, and I’m talking about as young as 15, younger too, think it is a good idea to bring a child into this evil ugly expensive cruel world when they themselves aren’t fully baked and can’t even afford a pot to pee in? Why do so many people who are generally religious crackpots think birth control is a worse sin than throwing a newborn down a toilet, in a dumpster, in the ocean, in the woods, stabbing it to death while high on meth, selling it for drugs, and all the rest of the atrocities we hear on Eyewitness News. If you are going to be responsible for having an active teenage or younger sex life, stop letting old white GOP dinosaurs and SCJ’s make rules that impact you and your reproductive life. It’s none of their business. And if you believe the people telling you it’s a sin, remember that those mouthpieces are immoral child abusers, pornographers, child traffickers and rapists who deal in pure hypocrisy and are nowhere near godliness. THOSE ARE THE SINS that bother me more than someone getting birth control. Prevent an innocent life of someone who didn’t ask to be born into chaos before MAGA, et al, continue blowing up women’s health care facilities and GET ON BIRTH CONTROL.

Get child support first of all, he may not be around but he can sure as he’ll help support that baby

The father needs to pay some. Whether or not he is in the picture.

Um…you’re pretty much living scott free under her roof AND you want her to help you raise your newborn? No ma’am.

Seek counseling, they usually can let you know about resources.

Check with Crisis Pregnancy Centers near you bc they usually will offer assistance with clothes, formula, diapers, etc.

Yes you should apply for TANF and WIC as well as HUD housing. If you work at a daycare they may cut you a deal on the cost of daycare for your baby.

If you’ve completed high school, I would also look at training for a trade which would generally be faster and cheaper than college.

I hope this helps. You need a support system as well whether single parent, mom, aunt, cousin, best friend, church, etc. You get the idea.

Don’t you have sisters or brothers that you can ask for some help or advice?

Your Mom might need counseling. Have you checked on food stamps? I wish you the best. How about a job at a daycare? You probably could take your baby with you.

You usually get to choose the places you want to live with subsidy…welfare will definitely help you. Don’t be afraid to use their services. Just use them a s a stepping stone in life instead of a permanent fixture.

Even if the dad is not there shouldn’t he be paying child support?

Sounds like i been here before so let me tell ya
If ya dont like mommy and her house get out
But wait ya Dont wanta live sketchy places
Where is daddy??
Take him to court make him pay child support
Then you can hit the road

I bet your mother is just as stressed be woke up at night with a cryin baby
Go live with baby daddy mom

It takes two to make a baby
You dont wanta be on welfare
Should thought bout long before ya made a baby

NOW GO THANK YA MOM

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Where is the father of your baby??

Take one class at a time and maybe online in this COVid times and at some point on campus if you have a college with a daycare

I think you should get out for your mental health. It will make your stronger and down the you can look back and be proud you did it on your own. You may even gain respect ack from your Mom. It’s a win win. :heart::pray::heart::confounded:

Get trained help for both you and mom and just love each other

I’m walking on egg shells liveing with my controlling mother. You are not alone. Focus on baby being happy and healthy. Save money for yourself and you and your baby will be blessed . :heart::pray::latin_cross:

Tell her mum I don’t like the way you talk to me do you want to see us living out in your gutter mum please I’m doing every thing I can to help you please

You both need counseling!

Sorry sweetie but I went to work when my baby was six weeks old. I was appreciative of everything my mom done for me. Your mom owes you nothing. I wanted to stay home with my baby too but I also wanted to earn money to help out my mom and buy things for my baby. If your that unhappy at her house et a job and move out.

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Wish you lived close to me! I’d help you with your baby💕

Sit down and talk to your mom…

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Mental health is very important… get a job n move on

Child support from the baby’s Daddy

I understand not wanting to put your newborn in day care. I really do. But sometimes we have to make hard decisions for the wellbeing of our children. You need to work. Even if it’s McDonald’s…and they’re paying good. Give your mom space. She isn’t required to be the mom that steps up and gives you free child care. I’m sure she’s still coping and grieving her loss. Sometimes that takes years. Get along with your mom while you financially contribute to the household and save for your own home. Maybe then she will be able to enjoy being a grandma. This situation isn’t hopeless, but you’re going to have to be an adult about it.

Get a job , will help you in every way

I understand it’s hard to be able to move out you need to work. Most people can’t afford to stay home with their kids.

Your mother isn’t responsible for your baby. The baby is your responsibility so unless your mom is abusive vs just self-centered, she shouldn’t be blamed for your choices in life. You won’t be happy even if you move out unless you get a job that is in line with your life’s purpose. If you fall into bad jobs that aren’t aligned with you, you can mess up both your and your baby’s lives.
So what I would do is treat your current situation as a test you need to pass in order to get to the next level of your life. And while at it get the skills you need for the career you would love. Shift the time spent in depression on studying. I know it will be challenging because depression is like a rabbit hole but you gotta pick your poison: suffer a bit with mom but not pay rent and earn those new skills and get a proper job, or move out but also not have any help from mom plus not much opportunity to earn new skills.

Take your baby daddy to court for child support, for starters. You didn’t make that baby by yourself.

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Get a job and save money and get your own place if not happy

well, I’m going to play devil’s advocate and ask how much help you are to your mom. Do you clean, do laundry. What, exactly, do you bring to the table? What non-monetary price do you pay for a roof, food, electricity, water, not to mention diapers and other baby necessities. You mom has been there, done that when she raised you. Now, she is responsible for you and your childs welfare. Parents want to help to be there for our children, but what we don’t want is double the work.

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You can apply to centrelink for a single parent payment plus rent assistance. It will be tight for you financially but it can be done. Also join a mothers group near you for support and to get you out of the house.

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You owe it to your child to get childsupport from its father.
Apply for state & gov assistance. I guarantee you’ll get child support asap since the state works with social security they’ll garnish his wages.

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Have you considered your mom is likely fighting the same things you are? She is a widow now and that can be very traumatic plus she will be carrying a load too. Bills, mortage, balancing fiances.
I think you should just be grateful you have a place to live.

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Round up the child’s father first of all and take him to court got child support. Then apply for temporary benefits until you have a job. Then find other resources you may need through the library, etc. You will mature and know strength. Take control and let mama rest.

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If you lived out of state you would have to do motherly duties all by yourself, maybe talk to her and tell her that if you work part time for now can she watch the baby for you, maybe make her feel needed is all she wants to hear.

It’s not good for you to be living in this situation. You have no money, diapers are expensive, perhaps you should have put baby up for adoption. You are living in a toxic environment and as the child gets older you will have more problems. Getting a job, who will watch the child? You need to think of the many challenges you are facing and decide if it is really worth keeping it, and giving it up may be hard but may be the best for the child.

If you can’t find a way to get long with your mom maybe you pack up your stuff move out

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You want alot.You need to work towards getting it.

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You can get subsidized housing and help from welfare while you get on your feet. Working remotely then would be much easier for you. Once you get yourself established making money you take the next step. Maybe even do some online schooling to further your career.

we have to solve the root of our problem before we can solve an existing conflict…pm for free consultation

Have u applied for section 8 housing?

Welfare will help with day care!! And foodstamps

They have decent low income housing, get on a list, lots of lists, cities and counties. It is not forever, while you get on your feet. Get on assistance and get into vocational training. Lots of libraries and counties and states are doing apprenticeships. Lots of MS office training is free. Go stay at a shelter, their case managers can guide you to resources. And get you lined up for mental health help too. Suck up less than perfect temporarily if there is running water, electricity and no rodents. Go to human services. The paperwork is daunting but can be done. You will get there if determined.

I’ll put it out there for you! Your a grown ass woman now! You knew about birth control you could of made the guy wear protection! Stop whining get a job take care of your son! Remember everyone has to crawl before they can walk! So put on your working shoes and go find a job! You totally sound like a selfish brat!!

I am going to pray for you both.

Prayer sent for you sister

Welcome to mother Hood you better be thanking your mother at least she put a roof over you and your baby and suck it up and try to do right

Get on welfare, move out, and do online college classes.

Mary Carter, really?! That is your response? Shame on you!

Inbox me… Let’s talk you need support not judgement.

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Forgive me for doing this, but if I’m not talking about the company legitimacy then I’m ungrateful, I only invested 6000 and I got a profit of 27.000 I was like leaping in the air because it has been a long time I heard people meeting with a truthful manage like Mr Adamcy Frank , I will never stop talking about your good work God bless you always sir
Contact him if you willing to earn money
:point_down::point_down::point_down:
Adamcy Frank

U may be all your mother has

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Sort of sounds like ur mum & u r treating each other the same…… why can’t she be having her own stuff going on? She lost her husband. Just bcos u had a baby doesn’t give u the right to require her attention. U had a baby, ur choice. Not hers. Maybe she doesn’t want to go through baby raising again. Maybe it’s easier for her to focus on herself right now. Do u ever ask her how she’s going? Sorry hun, I know having a baby on ur own is hard but that’s something we all get thru & sometimes we do it again! All I heard in ur post was me, I, myself…. Ur an adult who decided to have a baby solo, under someone else’s roof. Ur a mother now & ur baby is ur responsibility. Get the baby into daycare, get a job, save some money so u can get ur own place & let ur mum be a grandma. It’s not up to her to make things right for u. That’s ur job now. But maybe pull her aside & ask her if there’s anything she needs. It works both ways. U get wot u give……

Kiss her ass. Your living free.

Why join a nail group ? Support groups are more fitting :woman_facepalming:

Apply for housing ull get in like 5yrs from now…

Unfollowing this page now. This is ridiculous with these questions etc. what happened to posting nails etc!?! Tf

Join a mommy and me group, talk to a doctor about feeling over stressed. You live with your mother so your going to have to conceed during disagreements weather your wrong or not. Get child support from the dad and talk to social services about getting daycare so you can get a job and move out. This won’t happen overnight and it will be hard but you got this momma. You got this for your baby.

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Your mom needs the help, being recently widowed and you make it sound as if she owes you, if you are adult enough to make a baby you should be able to take care of yourself , your Mom doesnt owe you anything.

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I really don’t have any advice I had my girl at 17 stayed until 18 and just moved away from my mum as she what I thought at that age was overpowering I generally was just love moving away bought us closer but my depression I was awful to her sometimes she was to me she would still help but we had that break is was the worst decision I had made but also the best as I wouldn’t be the person or mum I am today with out these mistakes as I say I can’t give advice because my situation was different I was the problem just as much but these comments are apsolutly disgusting some of them you asked for advice and people are judging they should be ashamed probably because they think there the best thing and best mother out there bet they made plenty of mistakes I really wouldn’t worry there is so much support out there :heart: best of luck xxx

I lived with my Mother before and it was pure hell! It was either something I did or my pets did. I also had her living with me at one point. It didn’t matter where we lived together we just didn’t get along. She’s been gone 9 yrs now and even though it was a constant battle I wish she was here , bitching at me for something! Just worry about that baby and try to make it work. Ask the good Lord to help you and her! :pray:

get on welfare & get out

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Most places have a YMCA
I raised my boys on my own and put them both in the YMCA… they went by my income and they went there Mon-Fri 6 am -6pm
They were my life to take care of
I got no child support
No housing
No food stamps
No help from family members
So I worked and the YMCA helped me a lot
They played basketball, tennis , swimming , after school snacks and even helped them if needed with their homework
They are grown now but I would not change a thing
We all learned so much Together
I love my boys and I did not want to burden anyone so I did what was best for us

I’m gonna assume that your parents were together for a long time? And since you said he passed suddenly and your mom has all these things to take of… maybe your not being sensitive to her and her situation, as you also think she’s not there for you or understands your situation.

I feel like y’all both are having trouble. I lost my husband/kids father unexpectedly and you do have A LOT to handle! Plus the grief… it’s so over whelming! Maybe she can’t help you because she’s barley getting through her day mentally. It’s been 4.5 years for me. And I still have trouble navigating through my day.

I feel like y’all could really work this out if y’all sat down and listened to each other. You don’t know what’s all on her plate. As she don’t know what’s all on yours.

When you lose the person that helped take care of things day in and day out and then suddenly your alone, your lost. You can’t help others because you can barley help yourself!

You say she don’t see things from your side. It also seems you haven’t stepped in her shoes either for a moment.
There are so many agencies that can help you with housing, food, job, mental health since you have a child and no income!

What is out there to help your mom get through this grief? Not much. The one person that was there for her day in and day out is gone. And she’s left to pick up the pieces. That’s hard girl!!

Please try to see your mom is also hurting. Maybe not like you are. But it’s still a hurt. Be there for her. She needs you like you need her.

I am sorry you both are struggling. I hope y’all can figure it out and work through it and become closer. Y’all really all y’all have left. Cherish it.

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Ok, first off your mother is grieving!!! Second of all of you are 6 weeks post partum , time to find a job! There is nothing wrong with receiving financial assistance. Also I don’t care that father of baby disappeared, child support is a must! You do what you have to! The most important thing is that you take care of that child.

Definitely filed to get on some assistance. Look around for any benefits that you can have. Unfortunately a lot of subsidized housing is not in the best areas. Your mother not feeling supported is going to lead to her feeling overwhelmed and angered. All the things she needs to get done do you know what they are and are any of them things you can help with so she does not feel so stressed when she gets home from working all day and is tired. When were kids our parents do so much and we don’t even notice it and then we grow into adulthood and we also expect them to continue doing the things they did when we were children. Unfortunately once you’re an adult your parent expects you to also act like an adult and pick up a lot of the household responsibilities. If you aren’t picking up household responsibilities as if it was your own home then she might feel like you were leaving it all for her to do and would feel like you’re very ungrateful for her providing a home for you and your child. Definitely look at work from home opportunities but from experience I can tell you it’s difficult to do a work from home job when you have an infant. Their schedule changes so often it’s almost impossible to figure out when you will have quiet time to actually get much done. Perhaps finding a job that you actually go to that then has work from home opportunities established once you’ve been trained and you know what you’re doing might be a better route to end up having a work from home job that pays decently. You need to go to support enforcement so the father can start paying support for his child as well and that can help you give your mom some money for staying there

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Maybe try making a list of what you want help with and having your mother make a list of what she needs help with and then the two of you together go to work helping the other one get those needs met can happen. Right now getting subsidized housing can be a long wait so working on trying to find ways to work this out where you both feel supported is probably the best plan of action for now.

Some of y’all are ruthless. She’s a new mom struggling a lil bit wanting her mom to understand her side a lil bit and be happy to help as a grandma does and y’all just making her feel more shitty about it all. Wow

Maybe try sharing rent and utilities with a friend

Your evading moms space and shes dealing with the loss of your dad id be looking into an order of child support and welfare get your name on the wait list for affordable housing.

Your problem is that you’re expecting your mom to act as babysitter and she’s not. That’s YOUR child. She’s not a babysitter or your baby daddy. She is struggling with the loss of her husband, being a widow etc., so that’s why she’s acting like ‘‘she’s the only one who has issues’’. Honestly, I think you should talk to your doctor about post partum depression. You sound overwhelmed and you’re projecting onto your mother, which can be understandable but is NOT fair.