This is on you. You lied to your child. She has every right to be angry.
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Get her into therapy. Why didnt you yourself buy her a phone? If keep her from things,she is going to resent you. Sheâs 16. Kids sre gettint phones at age 5 lately. Lol. I wouldnt get one that young a cellâŚ10 a dial phone with no internet and actual cell with internet at 12 or 13.
I had a similar situation with my grandfather on my momâs side. At age 30 i found out he wasnt my bio grandfather. According to everyoneâŚbio grandfather was an alcoholic,so that is why my grandmother divorced him. Never got to meet him and not too concerned. My grandfather i knew was awesome. Acted more kind and spent way more time with us than our grandmother,who is bio related.At least she gets to spend time with her bio dad. Just make sure talk to him and he knows not to bad mouth you around her and make things worse between you two.
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I was her⌠Im 40 now so I can confidently say, the hate will subside but shes gotta go through it. Whether your intentions were pure or not, imagine finding out everything you knew to be true about yourself being a lie. Its painful and it is SO confusing at that age (I was 14). Sheâs not mentally mature enough to understand or even absorb the information. You have to let her go through the roller coaster⌠I hate to say it in a tough love kind of way but you made the bedâŚregardless of whyâŚyou chose to lie so you really have to let her know that the behavior is unacceptable however you understand why its happening. You cant expect her to understand and not be spitting nails angry for a long time.
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To be honest I feel itâs truly what todayâs kids do! They claim they have eating disorders and mental illnesses all for attention! They have all this internet access and just feel the need to expose themselves. I have two stepdaughters and they have put myself and husband through the ringer! They know who their biological mother is see her often and since they got phones they do the exact same thing as your daughter. She maybe mad you heard this secret from her but children donât need to know everything until the time is right. I suggest therapy and make sure youâre included even if she doesnât talk she can hear why you did what you did. Also have her evaluated by a few doctors sheâll get over it really fast
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There are many forms of anorexia. No matter which way you slice it⌠she needs therapy and also raw honesty from you. Sheâs going to watch everything you do and wonât listen to a word you say so choose WISELY and selflessly.
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What do you expect? You lied to her. Her anger is valid. Thatâs why I hate when parents do this.
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Let her go live with her dad then. I mean, sounds like he needs to step in.
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You need to stop saying you " protected her" and apologize. Tell her YOU thought it was right at the time. That YOUR sorry you made the wrong choice.
She just had a nuke drop on her world, you need to own up to your part in it if you EVER want a relationship with her. Itâs time to put " your right and did it for her good" aside, cuz she sure as hell donât feel that way, and her feelings are valid.
I knew my dad wasnât my real dad since I was about 7, if my mom never told me, your damn right if I was 16 she wouldnât get to ever know anything about me or my feelings again.
Oh and you have no clue what she has going on in her mind, she obviously for valid reasons doesnât tell you anything. ( aka " she doesnât have a eating disorder" ) so please stop telling her her feelings and her issues donât exist or matter.
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Why do you and others do this?? You chose him then later decided his family is less than stellar. That child needs therapy. Youâve got a big mess to clean up, Mama!!!
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My biggest concern is the fact that you donât even believe she could have an eating disorder or is suicidal. When I was her ag (only four years ago), I had a horrible step dad, because my biological father passed away. When I tried to kill myself, he told me I would go to hell like my dad.
I would be taking her a lot more seriously. Not being able to know my biological dad more messed with me a lot, and I knew about him my whole life. Imagine how she feels only just now learning about him. Thatâs a lot to unpack. Donât ignore your childâs feelings for your screw up.
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Sheâs 16âŚ
call her FATHER⌠talk about this and then BOTH OF YOU talk to her together. Let her ask questions. Be truthful. The more you hide, the more she can uncover with the help of the internetâŚso be honest with her as much as possible.
As a teen, shes going to be resentful about this. Itâs mentally and emotionally draining to hear that kind of news at such an age!
Talk to her about seeing a therapist. It might help if she doesnât feel comfortable talking to you about thisâŚ
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Ok blaming anyone is not going to fix the problem⌠Maybe her saying she has anorexia or mental is the only way she knows how to ask for help⌠She and you both need someone to talk to⌠She needs more than a guidance counselor at schoolâŚ
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You lied to her about something huge for 16 years and now youâre mad that sheâs lying to you about EVERYTHING!!! You brought this on yourself momma! Honesty goes along way, especially with children.
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Attention seeking behavior. Consuling.
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Take a small trip that she could pick then talk to her tell you love her and that your sorry keep saying in and show her every day
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My mom didnât know who her real dad was til she was 13! 
Like why do you women lie to these kids??!?
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You are the parent. You had your reasons. Therapy for both would help a lot
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Sounds like you both need some counseling. Thatâs a monumental thing youâve changed in her life now. Not only is she losing the only father figure sheâs ever known, dealing with her parents divorcing, sheâs also got to contend with the fact that she has a different dad and all that comes with contacting him, that sheâs missed out on everything with him and his family, and you seem to hate that half of her gene pool. I wouldnât talk to you either, but she should be talking to someone.
Sheâs just got to get through and itâs a lot to handle at that age. Try to have patience and realize she is acting out because of your actions so try and keep some love and compassion in mind. Are you sure she doesnât have suicidal thoughts or a form of anorexia? Teens are super good at hiding it. In any case she needs someone who could help.
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So you lied to her for 16 years? 
And now you donât believe her when sheâs says she anorexic or suicidal? Double .
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Hold up, she doesnât even stay with youđ¤who is she staying with, the âfatherâ that she literally just met or father that raised her? You made the mess, she is a teen and has hormones and emotions running wild. You said sheâs already in counseling, thatâs about all you can do. Sheâs going through a hard time right now and is attention seeking as a coping mechanism. Keep her in therapy and donât lie to her again. You are going to have to work on gaining her trust back.
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You have no idea what is going on in her head. Stop assuming.
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Yâall are wild. If that man raised her for her life AND there was a good reason to not say something about donor man then why open that door? If thatâs all she knew as a father why say anything? Sometimes we have the best intentions of protecting someone we love and it doesnât always work out. Maybe get a mediator or therapist/counselor that can help this issue be worked out. I wish you the best hun 
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I think you need to go to therapy seperately and then together to work through this. Thereâs a lot to unpack.
I think you were 10000000% in the wrong for lying to her. Shame on you for muddling up her sense of self and individuality with a LIE her entire life. You will never understand how bad this tears kids apart. Iâve seen kids fall into literal meth addictions, Iâm talking throw it all away and move under a bridge with other teens using to feel like they have somewhere they can fit in and feel normal, because their own home isnât safe from untruth. You crafted this, you deal with it. Iâm sorry sheâs seeking validation from older men, but that as well comes with the territory of not knowing where she actually came from. Coupled with the fact that you have no clue what dads been saying to her when youâre not around. He probably thinks youâre trash for lying, too. Also, just because you donât see the eating disorder doesnât mean it isnât real. I suffered from bulimia and anorexia when I was her age, and I STILL struggle to eat regularly, and my mom never knew. Soften your heart and accept and admit that your actions have caused undesirable behavior and its YOUR job as a loving and stable mother to provide her a SAFE and HONEST environment to be in. And she isnât going to want it from you because all you are yo her is a liar right now. It should hurt. You hurt her. She never deserved to live under a lie for 16 years. Imagine how you would feel??? Just because youâre her mom doesnât mean youâve done what was best or right for her in this situation. Sometimes we need to protect our babies by keeping a mindful eye on their flight. Ie, maybe you should have protected her from his side of the family by letting her experience her own issues with them and being her safe space. All you are is a safe harbor turned against her and she feels like she has no one. Stop whining about yourself and think about her. It isnât about you, hasnât been for the last 16 years. Every child deserves the truth of their origin. And its disgusting to me that people can willfully lie to their children for their âsafetyâ. The truth always comes out, usually always too soon or before its meant to, and It FUCKS. THESE. KIDS. UP.
TL;DR: You screwed up. Deal with it. Ew.
Itâs completely understandable that sheâs having all these feelings. She just learned that the man she thought was her real father for 16 years isnât and she is reaching out for attention and help any way she can and youâre dismissing it. You both need major therapy. Please. Before she actually does something to herself
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The only reason you told her now is bcause you are going thru a divorce, You told her out of being mad at the dude. you told her at the wrong time out of selfishness
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I have a rule in MY house. You donât get a say on ANYTHING till you pay a bill. You pay a bill then weâll talk. Until then THIS IS MAMAS HOUSE. I am the ruler of allâŚ
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Suicide threats are a cry for help,so help before it is too late. Anorexia & eating disorders are a disease that deserve to be addressed. Panic attacks are real & take over your body physically and mentally during the experience.
All of the things you are saying about your daughter are things that happen everyday. So if she & others are reaching out about these issues, she deserves for someone to sit and talk with her about these things⌠whether that is you or someone else. Doing nothing is not going to help her in this situation.
She is also a teenager which means she is not equipped to handle the insane amount of pressure you are putting on her. You drop this news and expect her to continue on as normal? She will act out, she will have hormones that make everything feel worse, she may have depression, an eating disorder and thoughts of suicide.
Give her a second to react. And be there to help her move forward.
But please address the mental illness issues that are being brought to your attention, because she deserves that.
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16 years you lied to let her believe someone else was her father?! Thatâs not protecting her. Youâve got less than two years left with her legally I wouldnât expect her to behave any differently. Clearly she needs some therapy and clearly you do too to lie to your child that long you shouldâve been honest with her at some point in her life so that she doesnât grow up resenting you and the father she thought was her dad. Not gonna change the situation or make it better to start being honest for once. Protecting her from her father would be a good reason if there was a reason to protect her but obviously he wants to talk to her or he wouldnât have over the summer.
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You screwed up. Take the hit and validate your daughterâs feelings. She is going through a huge identity crisis and needs professional help. You have a long road ahead of you to regain her trust. Both of you should be in counseling.
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this sounds like a hot mess,
You have a good reason why you didnât tell her who her sperm donor was, you provided a father figure for her⌠you do not owe her any explanation⌠stop letting her bully/ guilt you into thinking that.
What Iâm confused about is that you let a perfect stranger (bio dad) give her a phone, just because the bio dad is technically her dad he still a complete stranger.
She needs counseling,
Apologize and listen to your child. You are in the wrong and hurt her feelings. She might legitimately feel the need for self harm and anorexia starts by a mentality change. It takes years to set in and cause harm. Help her now before you loose the chance. All of those things are serious mental health conditions that you should be seeking help professionally for rather than saying âshe doesnât have itâ. Trauma makes you do bad things, help her through the trauma of being lied to.
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You can call children hotline crisis center but her in therapy at 16 feeling betrayed she needs counseling
Is there a legal reason to keep her biological fatherâs family from her along with him? If not then you did it out of spite to keep them out of your life which is wrong they can be involved with her and still not know your business. Sheâs hurt and upset that you lied to her for what reason? Other then to be spiteful and petty, Iâm sorry but she had every right to feel the way she does you lied to her she needs to process those feelings. You shouldâve been honest with her when she became of age to fully understand the why behind keeping that side of the family away from her. There is no justification in why you lied to her, Iâm with her on how sheâs feeling if there isnât a legal reason to keep them from her you never shouldâve other then you didnât want them apart of her life which now isnât your call sheâs old enough to make that choice for herself; mental illness is no joke itâs real rather you think it is or not she needs help to process all these feeling. Sheâs crying out for help and she deserves that help on how to process these feeling and the betrayal that she is feeling from you for lying to her for her entire life. Own it and explain to her the reason at to WHY you didnât tell her the truth
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A person should never lie to her kid about who the father is (or anything, honestly). Iâd never trust you after letting me live my whole life with a lie.
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Start by asking her to forgive you and admit you made the wrong choice by lying to her.
Lying comes with a price and you are paying for it. Next time just donât lie.
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Iâve been in her shoes. I may not have done things like this extreme but my Mom tried to protect me from my Dad and it just caused problems for me. Having Daddy issues is real and she has them. She is seeking attention from anyone willing to give it to her. And shame on you for lying to her about her Father. She had a right to know and make the decision for herself. If she has a relationship with him now whoâs to say it was his fault he wasnt in the picture for 16 years?
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Sheâs hurt from being lied to by somebody she trusted with everything in her. You need to sit her down and talk to her and let her know you didnât lie to her to hurt her, you did it to protect her. Maybe get into family counseling for both of yâall. Continue to let her know that you love her and only tried doing the best for her. She will hopefully eventually come around and understand. I have a 16 yr old daughter that went thru something horrible when she was younger. And it has messed her up completely. There was things I found out she was doing to herself that I never would think she would do. But I took control of it as soon as I found out. She has horrible depression, anxiety, PTSD, sleeping disorder. Your Ganna have to continue to remind her that you love and care about her and only want the best for her. Try to do a mother daughter day maybe once a week or something just so yâall can spend quality time together.
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As a former child that was also lied to by my mother about my father.
Shut up and eat your crow. Take your punishment, and believe your daughter. Take her to a REAL therapist, and when she moves out when sheâs 18 let her. Stop trying to control her right now. Youâre pushing her further and further away, and this is EXACTLY how run aways happen.
and stop pretending you were protecting anyone but yourself by lying. She could have known who her real family was. There was no reason to lie. Knowing didnât mean she has to see them.
I talk about the experience of my parents divorce and my neglect, etc in my book: âUnlocking Your Ability to Healâ on Amazon. Itâs a great self-healing resource with exercises, statistics and a wellness section. Iâd like to help and gift you a copy. Please let me know if youâd like to accept. 
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I mean you canât blame the girl for being mad at you, you lied to her for 16 years about who her real father was. I would have trust issues too if my mom did that. I highly suggest therapy for both of you.
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Lying to your children is never good, but whatâs done is done, donât feel guilty or dwell over it. As to your daughters behavior, she is screaming for help. My son went through a stage similar to this and traditional counselling was not working so I felt it necessary to admit him in the hospital where he could get the care he needed to get back on his feet emotionally. It took about 30 days but it changed his life and gave him the tools to deal with life and the issues teens deal with. It helped him be able to communicate better and helped me be a better listener. He is 28 now and still uses these skills to keep on track and we have a great relationship. FYI be her parent now, she needs you!! There will be plenty of time to be her friend later, and she doesnât hate you she is just lost right now⌠My prayers are with you
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sit down & talk to her. tell your side of the story as honestly as you can. do not bash him in front of her. I was in a similar situation but my father was in and out so much my mom told me her side and didnât keep anything from me when I asked.
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As much as you might not like it. Itâs time to sit down and have a Q&A conversation. You both get to ask questions and the answers donât have any repercussions. If you fault from that, she will never be honest with you. She is reaching out by making silly choices. Yeah, I donât blame her for being upset at you about that. It is time for you to own your decision. Donât make excuses, tell her why you did what you did and own it. We all do things that may or may not come back later. It is also time for her to own her misbehaving and making silly choices. If you canât trust her with a phone, how is she suppose to expect trust with a vehicle or curfew. Put your expectations right on the table. She is young so the first time you have this conversation, she will probably get upset. I have these conversations with my kids frequently. They donât last long now, maybe as long as it takes to clean stalls or do dishes. We talk while doing chores together. I have six kids living with me, single parent here. We all get off path sometimes, donât allow her to interrogate you, allow her to seek answers though. You are the parent, own it.
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Itâs a cry for help.
Trauma = attention seeking.
High school celebrates anxiety, cutting, eating disorders, they make it cool to have and a lot of girls when I was in school would do it to get attention from friends and guys.
You have to address the older guy thing (common daddy issues, probably acting out because of this) (talk to her about grooming and legal stuff?)
She could really have all those things or some of it. Though. Yâall need to go to therapy ASAP before itâs to late!
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All these âIâd never trust you againâ have most likely never been in your situation so they can go fly a kite. Whatever you were experiencing at the time was real to you and Iâm sorry theyâre being insensitive shits. You were in the wrong, yes. Own up to it. Apologize and give her the attention she needs from you right now. Unless you completely fail bombed parenting you have most likely passed on some caring/understanding in your daughter. Keep your head up mama 
you care enough to ask for help and guidance, you are not a terrible person or mother.
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This is such a huge fear of mine. We plan to tell my daughter one day that her bio isnât my husband. But her bio is very dangerous abusive and unpredictable. My best advice is to sit her down and explain why him and his family werenât in her life.
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The truth always comes out. It is better to tell the truth and let a kid know the man raising them wants them and loves them even if not their father. Biological dad needs to build a relationship with her and not buy her. You need to sit her down and explain why you did what you did and be truthful. The damage is done, now its picking up the pieces and hoping you have a relationship like you did
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Be a good mom and take her to a therapist family wise.
Sheâs lacking coping skills. You will learn lies arenât cheap and child hood trauma ainât either.
Iâve been a girl with mommy and daddy issues if you do not take her to therapy she will resent you for the rest of her life deep down. It will effect her adult hood and lead her to bad choices when sheâs leaving teen years into adult hood. She will go WILD Iâm tellin ya.
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Lying to our kids never turns out well however well intentioned those lies are
Apologise and keep what contact you have. Explain why you lied and hope eventually she understands and forgives you
You should of never lied. Itâs should be up to the court system not you. That is a very hard hit to a child.
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Please get her into therapy right away.
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Your daughter is screaming out for bad attention because she is hurting. Sheâs looking for something that will hurt worse than this.
GET HER HELP! IMMEDIATELY 
You need to work extra hard to regain your bond with her, show her the good in life, get on the same page as her birth father & APOLOGIZE TO HER! ALL OF YOU!
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Please get your head out of the hole itâs in sit down and let your daughter spill everything sheâs feeling take her to a counselor and get her help before itâs too late
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You didnât expect this?
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Well I donât blame her. My birth mother & dad kept it from me as well until I was 12. I was so hurt & confused. I love my dad, he is my father in my eyes because he raised me (birth mother started dating him while pregnant with me) but I still have this unresolved feeling of who is my bio father? Iâm 35âŚbirth mother said he died but I donât believe her. She lives on lies. Itâs a fucked up thing to do to someone.
You two should get into counseling together. You for lying to her and wondering why she is lying now. Never lie to your kids, itâs better to be honest. And her because youâve broken her trust completely.
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Who does she live with?
This is going to soumd harsh but here goes :-
Sit her backside down and tell her and explain that you did it for her protection and there is really no need for her to behave in this mannerâŚand feel sooo betrayed. Its not like she was never not loved by you, everything that you did was for her own benefit and her own well-being. If she can lie and send pictures and have conversations with much older menâŚsurely she can use her brain and understand in a mature manner.
Also tell her, she thinks she is punishing you by doing all this, but she isntâŚshes only punishing herself and destroying her.life now and future
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Folks need to learn that these kinds of lies are NOT ok and only come back to bite you in the a$s. You caused her psychological harm. Life as she knew it, was a lie. She needs therapy. And maybe if youâre lucky, sheâll forgive you. 
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Firstly, you were wrong for that. Secondly, get her in therapy. Of course sheâs acting out. Imagine how sheâs feeling right now. First, her parents divorce, then she finds out that her âdadâ isnât even her biological father. On top of all of that, her own mother lied to her about something this serious. It seems like you donât see any problem with your actions and youâre playing the victim. Iâm sorry but you brought all of this on yourself and you need to realize that and address it. Stop blaming your kid for making bad choices when she learned it from you. Both of you need help.
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Young people who have grown up in a society which has abandoned the concept of âprocreative responsibility ââŚof considering the potential for offspring and the importance of being responsible parents to those potential childrenâŚshould learn from the amount of depression, etc. in young people today the devastating effects of irresponsible and premature sexual activity! Those who claim women who protected their virginity until marriage to men THEY evaluated and chose were âmistreatedâ by expectations of their culture might want to reevaluate the issue! âFree sexâ has never been free.
Your daughter deserves to know the truth. Her entire life has been a lie. So, can you blame her for being angry with you? I donât. I think you both need counseling.
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Take her to a therapist!!! She is reaching out for help but as a child this is the only thing she knows!! Help her now before itâs too lateâŚ
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â I lied to my daughter to PROTECT her and now she hates meâ
How did lying to her protect her? Like at all? Seems like it did a lot more harm than her just knowing from the beginning.
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My parents also lied to me about a similar thing, when I found out it definitely created a rift between me and my mother that has been extremely hard to repair. She is acting out because she needs help and you are punishing her rather than listening to her.
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Parents should not lie about who there parents are. This is expected to happen. I get certain circumstances but in most cases itâs just because moms donât want the dads around. Regardless you should always be honest with them about there bio parents
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Why doesnât she live with you and who does she live with?? Iâm just curious because she just found out that the man she thought was her dad is not her dad, YALL are getting divorced, she just met her actually father after 16 years of life, and then she doesnât live with you.
Why is that? Because at 16 I would feel a way if me and my mom do not live together but she married this man who she lives with but canât be with me. Thatâs weird. Do you have other kids? All this plays apart. Maybe she feels not loved enough and abandoned. I feel abandoned off the strength that she doesnât live with you but youâve gotten full blown married and divorced. When and where did you put your child first? And did she not have a cellphone before? So many questions.
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I have a similar situation. I did the same to protect my oldest child from his bio fatherâs family. His father died at 21 but I didnât want him seeing the family. I did tell him at 15 because I felt he deserved to know. He was angry at me but I donât see it as lying. We do what we have to do to protect our children. My son has struggled and heâs tried therapy. What helped him most was getting a job and knowing that both myself and my ex husband love him dearly. Getting a job helped him stay busy and out of trouble. He really enjoys hanging out with his friends as well. I would try to sit down again and talk to your daughter. Your soon to be ex husband can reassure her he loves her and that he is there no matter what. Teenagers canât think reasonably. For the suicide and lying about eating disorders Iâd advise therapy to help.
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I feel like her acting out is a natural reaction when sheâs been lied to about a huge part of her life. She has every right to be upset with you, sheâs probably questioning everything. If thereâs anything she needs itâs probably therapy. Stop getting angry and punishing her and get her some help so she can learn a healthier way to cope with such a big change. & maybe you should go too so you can learn a better way to get your daughters trust back.
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You should probably blame yourself if she kills herself, kids canât handle their emotions like that bro. You know thatâs sheâs walking around realizing that her entire life is a fucking lie?!
My kid is only 6, but she gets the concept of âother momâ and âother dadâ she knows that people fall out of love and separate.
Like your kid was Irish her whole life and now she finds out sheâs Russian. Sheâs probably wondering what else you are lying about.
And you as a mom need to take her mental health serious AF. You are at your wits end, well welcome to the karma club. Donât lie to your kids for their whole lives.
Its so wrong when parents donât tell their kid who their real parent is. Is it a surprise sheâs mad? They should know. My sisters mom died when she was 6 months old. My parents didnât tell her. A cousin of my dads did and she acted out too. I donât blame her. Kids should be told period. My ex maybe an a** but my son will not think any other guy is his dad if he doesnât remember his real dad. You need to get her some counseling. Parents need to put themselves in their kids shoes. How would you feel? I almost died when my youngest was 9 months old. He wouldnât have remembered me at all and I bet my ex wouldnât of told him about me. If the tables were turned though I would have given my son a picture to keep and told him stories of his dad. Iâm on the fence now on how to go about it all because his dad was abusive to me but I still will not let my son think another man is his father. Regardless of what happens these are their parents.
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You lied. Now your mad she lied. But how would you know she doesnât have anorexia? Just cuz itâs not on a level that makes her super sick doesnât mean she doesnât. Sheâs 16 so you taking her phone away doesnât mean sheâll stop talking to guys. Sheâll find away. We didnât have cell phones when I was a kid and boy I sure met some guys. As far as committing suicide I hope she never does. But a dramatic reaction to huge news is expected.
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Iâm sorry but it wasnât your place to lie about who her father was to â protect her from HIS family â
That man is half of your daughter as you are the OTHER HALF . You can proctect her from bad people and still be honest with her . My bio dad was never in my life , my dad is the man my mother was with when I was born . They were always honest with me since I was a young girl Iâve known my whole life and the only person I donât care for is my bio dad . Long after my parent split up , my dad is STILL and always will be my dad the only man Iâve ever known as a father . You should of been honest when she was young so that way she couldnt grow up and hate you for lying . You made a mistake youâre human we all make mistakes that was a pretty big mistake itâs gonna take her some time to deal with . Good luck I hope she gets the help she needs . That age is rough to be going through things , very emotional and unpredictable at that age .
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My step mum did this to me. Lied till I was 15 I ran away. Still to this day I have some resentment but she cared for me and I love that fact she saved me but lying to me hurt me more. Donât lie to your damn kids is all I can say. Iâm 27 now with my own family but that pain still hurt again donât lie to your kids honesty is key
Yeah you definitely shouldnât have lied to her. You need to reap what you sow⌠I tell moms all the time who try and keep their kids from their dad, it will come to light and the child will end up hating you.
You said you were protecting her from his family? Is his family not dangerous now?? It sounds like you were young and bitter and her real dad very well couldâve been around but it didnât fit in to what you wanted so
You cut him out⌠now you have to deal with those consequences 
As far as her texting older men, definitely talk to her and educate her but unfortunately for you she no longer respects or believes what YOU say cause you lied to her big time. Maybe ask her BIOLOGICAL dad to have a conversation with her about being a lady and the dangers of random older men.
This had to be very hard for your daughter to learn that her mother, who she supposedly loved and trusted, had lied to her forever. And Iâm sure itâs extremely hard on you too.
The man I married was not my sonâs biological father although, my son was born with my husbandâs name. I didnât deceive anyone. My husband knew my child wasnât made by him & I started letting my son know at a very young age with subtle hints. When my son had an interest in meeting his biological dad, I told him when I thought he was old enough, weâd look for him - and we did.
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Tbh id take the phone for those types of lies
I believe every child has a right to know their heritage - right, wrong, or indifferent. And, at an early enough age that it doesnât disrupt their entire life as they know it
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She has every right to be upset. Thats a huge lie you had no right to keep. Good luck cuz imo you deserve every bit of that anger.
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I feeel this bc i did not know that my dad was actually not my biological father until i was around 12-13 years old. I was told my bio dad was my uncle and his kids were my cousins. Found out they are actually my sisters. Idk for sure if thats what made me take a turn for my mental issues or what but do noy disregard that she may have some sort of eating disorder. At her age i was also suicidal, i cut my wrists and smoked weed to numb the pain. I struggled with self image and developed an eating disorder. I would starve myself for months and not eat bc i was afraid to gain weight. My parents NEVER knew bc around them i would eat. But i later would punish myself for it. I would throw up after eating or feel so guilty for eating i would exercise excessively. Again my parents NEVER KNEW they thought i lost weight bc i was hitting puberty and my body was changing and that i just thinned out⌠(i was always a chubby child). Coming from a psychological perspective (as i now have chosen the mental health field to pursue my career in) i would say you are very much not helping the situation. I understand why you did what u did but you need to put yourself in your daughters shoes and be empathetic and understanding⌠she is clearly acting out by talking to these older men. You need to reconnect with your daughter before you push her to the extreme. Reacting negatively towards her will not help her situation (or yours) it will only make it worse. My advice would be to LISTEN to her, talk to her, be understanding. All we ever want as mentally broken teenagers is to feel loved, cared for, and that our presence in this world MATTERS to someone. But if u keep reacting like she is such a disappointment to you, she is going to feel like a disappointment to YOU and everyone else, which may be why she is feeling suicidal. At this age our emotions are heightened because of puberty and all the changes we go through. Being understanding and supportive of her is key. You need to rebuild a trusting relationship with her before its too late. Stop pushing her away she is clearly screaming inside for HELP. Even if she first pushes u away when u try to reestablish a relationship with her, keep trying. And do not yell at her if at first she isnt able to be so open or want to work through it with you. it may take time before she wants to open up and trust u again. The best u can do is tell her you are there for her and u are sorry for not telling her sooner and that u want to make it up to her bc she deserves it. Responding negatively only creates more negative outcomes for her. She will continue to isolate herself from you and do things she shouldnât. It wont happen overnight, but u need to make her feel as if you UNDERSTAND why she is upset with you and stop being mad at her for having these feelings about it, bc its natural to be upset finding this out. Maybe start with having âtalksâ with her. Put your own feelings aside and hear her out and tell her you understand and that u know u were wrong regardless of ur reasoning for keeping her from her real father, u must make her feel as if you GET IT and admit that perhaps it wasnt the best thing and that u didnt think about how it would affect her and u made a mistake that u cant take back. But if u keep making it seem to her like u didnt do anything wrong and shes out of line, you will never be able to build that relationship back up with her. Try to do things WITH her, mother-daughter things, shopping, dinner, getting her nails done, & talk about things, tell her how much u love her. Getting mad at her for being upset is why she is acting out. And its also what is causing her to feel these suicidal thoughts. When someone feels suicidal literally all we want is someone who GETS US, tells us we are allowed to be upset, and tells us that no matter what we have someone who loves us and is willing to understand where we are coming from.
Goodluck
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No real advice and I do agree with most of the people saying you shouldnât have lied. But at the same time I get it. Cause if they are absolutely psycho and I donât mean ins funny way, 8 mean for REAL, then I kinda donât blame you. Iâve been through something kinda similar and I get it
You arenât protecting them by lying
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well you lied to her, id be pretty mad at you too! tf were you thinking?
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First it never is a good thing to lie. But the past is the he past. I suspect that TS more than not knowing about birth father. She need a comprehensive psychiatric exam. Lots of red flags
âTo protect her from her real fathers FAMILYâ Girl you kept this girl from her own dad. You could have done other stuff/agreement with her father. PETTY and you need help
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Yeah Iâd hate you too.
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Sounds like both of you need therapy. But not together. I hate how people lie to their kids about something this important. You have no idea how much you just mentally destroyed her. Good luck. Time heals all wounds
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I was adopted at the age of 5. I am speaking from experience. Lying to your daughter about who her father is was wrong. My adopted family hid the fact I was adopted until someone told me. She has every right to be mad at you. I was hurt and mad when I found out the truth about my own situation. Put yourself in your daughterâs shoes. How would you feel if you found out the guy who raised you wasnât your father? That feeling sucks!!! Imo you should have been honest and let her make her own decision on if she wanted a relationship with her father and his family. Protecting your children is fine but you crossed a line by lying to her.
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If she is threatening suicide take her to the hospital to get evaluated. She will probably be put in a psychological hospital to get help. Also it may give her a wake up call.
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How do you know she doesnât have an eating disorder or that she doesnât genuinely want to commit suicide? I think instead of just saying she is lying, you should try to get her help. Being a teenager is hard enough but then to find out something major like that as well? Iâd be stressed and Iâm an adult. Try some empathy. Show her you can be there for her and try to be supportive. Itâs easy to react with anger but itâs better for you both to react with concern, regard, and compassion.
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You lied. Why shouldnt she?
And what if she ISNT lying. What if you just arent paying enough attention to see the damage in her? The breaks are where the light shines through. Just because people focus on the light, doesnt mean the cracks arent there. Focus on helping her heal the cracks so she can keep her light within and not fell so compelled to shine it outwardly to get the attention and appreciation she is craving.
Also, stop projecting your own shame onto her behavior. Shes acting out because of what she is going throough. It isnt a representation of you as a parent. And even if it were, who gives a shit. You have pin pointed a problem, now fix it. YOU lied. Make it better. Take responsibility for your part in the problem and put in the work to fix it.
Consider therapy for both of you. You could use some work on your control issues and the shame and guilt you feel. She could use help overcoming her sense of helplessness and lack of identity because she has found out a whole half of her doesnt really exist the way she thought it did. She has lost a literally HALF of her entire identity.
You will most likely never get the trust you had back. And Iâm sorry but this is deplorable, I get everyone thinks theyâre doing whatâs best but lying to her and her finding out especially from someone other than you, will most likely make her hate you. And I believe itâs kinda warranted.
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Young one - youâve broken the trust with your baby. Apparently sheâs acting out. She is demonstrating exactly what she has seen growing up. Lies - she feels it worked for you to get what you wanted - itâll work for her. I am not shaming whatsoever- young one . You both need to get professional help to get through this. Communication and honesty- is the only thing that will repair this. May Our Mighty Creator Bless You always and your baby.
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So sorry for what your family is going thru. Iâm sure you felt you had a good reason to lie. But lying is just delaying the truth. It will always come to light. Raising teenagers is tough now a days. Youâre not the only mom with issues with her daughter. Stay strong and true. No more lies. Youâll need professional help to work out your issues, and lots and lots of prayers and patience. God bless.
Take her to the emergency room and tell them she needs a mental evolutionâŚif your in north carolina they will probably do a ivcâŚa mad kid is better then an abused or dead kidâŚ
Yeah you shouldnât have lied. Period. Thereâs no excuse. Could you imagine growing up and finding out your moms a liar 
This is why you should always be honest with your kids. You arenât protecting them by lying to them, lets be honest, you were protecting yourself.
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