WoW I will not condemn you for lying about that to keep her safe. I understand completly. It’s gonna get better, but at that age… idk. Keep her somewhere safe. And you must be safe from her too. Wanting you dead is no joke. Trust me on that.
So shocked by this groups and the kinds of people in it Everytime I see a post the comments are ridiculous
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Wow, what terrible shaming responses to both momand daughter. Protecting daughter from porn pedophiles and sexual assault is A GOOD THING. it’s delicate and mom reached out for help even if what she has tried isn’t perfect.
A lot sexual predator to vulnerable teens understanding is prudent and don’t listen to mom shamers.
Should have never lied…
First of all: good mama. Difficult situation.
She’s acting out for attention
Why make yourself the bad guy too along w what he did! Let him do his bad on his own.
Sit w her and tell her but also let her express it.
My kids are now 8 & 6 father been MIA over 3 yrs my older one 100% knows him remembers everything & resents me but knows I haven’t stopped him from coming calling email text anything as he sees everything I do I can’t and won’t call him cause he is damn well and the rest of his family well grown to know what the hell to do. They all can kiss my ass I could careless what happens to em all sad I wouldn’t even know if this asshole was even dead and none of them would tell me nor do I care…but he is my kids father not a dad not daddy but my younger one don’t remember as he was 2
It’s not fair to the child but tell her you thought it was for the best and why it’s not wrong for your choice only you know why and others shouldn’t be so hard on you for it either.
We as mothers want to protect the kids no matter what and some of you better go accept how the parent made the mistake cause I lost my mother at 8 and I miss her so much even though she didn’t lie as others but you have 1 damn parent no other person can fill that even if it’s it’s friends mom…once your parent passes that’s it. You will have that weight it’s not fun times are hard tell them how you feel and move on for the better together.
Good luck
Welp 
Not to be a connnt but, you kinda sound like you may have created this 
You literally lied to this girl about her genetics. About who she is.
Looking at that man for however long thinking it was her dad, and it’s not.
She has no one to trust and doesn’t know who to love, so she is seeking it within men.
Aka - Daddy issues …
I’d be pissed too and I kind of don’t blame her for acting out.
Sounds to me where you may need to take full responsibility and apologize and explain it to her…
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Y’all never lie to your kids or keep things from them? Y’all full of shit. We don’t know her story stfu
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You lied to her she’s 16,of course she’s mad at you.i didn’t speak to my mom for 10 years for her lie.im 46 and I barely speak to her now because she lied to me now I don’t believe a word out of her mouth.she’s got every right to be mad at you.truth hurts but lies and cover-ups kill relationships.for searching her phone if my mom did that she’d never see me again.
I have been in th his young girls shoes! I did this stuff and worse. I thank god now I am still alive. I would actually meet guys I met on AOL. (Yes this was late 90’s) my dad died without me ever meeting him. Mom told it I would never have wanted to meet him he was an asshole. I went to the funeral. Met my whole family. 6 aunts and uncles, cousins, brothers. Out of all of them 3 have ever cared to have anything to do with me after that day! I hated my mom for a awhile, I hated myself, I wished I had never been born! Obviously I was a mistake. I used drugs to numb those feelings. I looked to guys for attention and love. I threatened suicide, cut myself. Some was for attention some was because I would rather the physical pain over the emotional and mental. Anyway, the point is kids are destroyed when they are lied to by the people they trust most. Its gonna take time if ever she heals from all this. She needs therapy. What she is saying may well be what she feels. I know when I talked about suicide was not when I was gonna try it. I never talked about it when I was actually thinking about it. Watch her listen to her. Everything she is doing is valid and she has to get through it with professional help in her time. I wish I had professional help. I fucked my life up bad. 14 years of being clean and doing the right thing and still paying for my mistakes. All because of the betrayal.
You need to give her time to process everything. You broke her trust by lying to her for 16 years, regardless of her Father’s family. My Son is 13, his biological Father left me while I was pregnant and has never been apart of my childs life. When my son was 11 months old, I met my now Husband. We raised our son to know that he has a Father (the absent one) and he has a Dad (My husband) and being open about it has made it a not so big issue in our home. Reading this post makes me feel so thankful and grateful for my decision to do things the way that I did with making him aware from the start. His Father’s family was crazy, drama filled, and just mean, but protecting him from them was not an issue. I suggest you get your daughter into therapy to process what she has been told. This could set her like in the wrong direction if not handled the right way. Also, if she’s suicidal, I suggest you be a little more compassionate and supportive. That is something VERY serious. Your post made you sound pretty insensitive to your Daughter’s feelings. I hope for the sake of your relationship with her that, that changes.
You’re a dick. She’s going through emotional trauma that you put on her, so you ground her & take her phone away.
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Some of yalls comments and attitudes suck!
So judgmental and don’t even know this lady. Besides that she “lied” to her daughter about her biological father. I never knew my biological father growing up just things I would hear about him. My mother NEVER let me around him. At age 18 I finally got to meet him and honestly, I’m glad my mother protected me from him because he’s a horrible person.
He’s a drunk and he’s a molester!!!
Ya’ll don’t know the back history of WHY this lady lied to her daughter to protect her, you just read that she lied to her daughter and now being nasty about it.
MOTHERS do anything they can to protect their children.
Ya’ll negative shit heads aren’t perfect.
As someone who found out their step father wasn’t their father til 13. She has a right to feel betrayed. Get her some counseling. She doesn’t know who she is anymore. She is having an identity crisis. You need sit her down and explain why you kept her from knowing the truth all those years.
Yeah no. You’re definitely the asshole. You don’t lie to kids about that. My oldest son is 7 and knows that he came from a different man and he chooses to stick with my husband as daddy. There was no protecting her in this situation. Just setting yourself up to fail and look like the bad guy
You need to flat out apologize from the bottom of your heart for what you did. You need to reach out to the school and explain what happened, they can help guide her into counseling.
It was wrong for you to lie to her about her father for so long but the other stuff she is doing is what a lot of teens are doing right now. I have a teenage girl that is in my family that does these things too. Talks about suicide and lies and says her family is abusive and that her father is a cheater and just lies constantly. For some reason teens think it’s cool to be depressed and talk about self harm. It gets them the attention they want. Put her in therapy in case her suicidal talk really are feelings she is having. Keep the phone away from her. Explain that if the pictures are inappropriate she is a minor and she could end up putting her male friends on a sex offender registry because those photos are considered child porn.
You need to own up to lying tell her you knew it was wrong explain to her exactly why you did it and regain her trust again she is angry and has a right to be and you have to gain her trust back as for the pictures on her phone and the lies you need to tell her that regardless of the hurt she is feeling it’s not acceptable to behave the way she’s behaving but you have to know the reason that she thinks lying is okay is because you gave her that example there’s a lot you two have to work out and you have to do it with patience and gently and not judge her
This is so much bigger than asking for advice from strangers online. Especially as I’m
Scrolling I’m seeing some very bad advice here. You need to get your daughter in to see a psychiatrist and also consider regularly weekly counseling sessions.
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Sounds like my friends little sister. It doesn’t change. It’s only gonna get worse before it gets better if it even does tbh. She gonna hide stuff even more now
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You lied to her and expect her to be ok? I think YOU need help.
You broke her completely.
You should watch Ginny and Georgia on Netflix lol fr tho
Well that’s the bed you made.
You need to build trust that’s been lost and take responsibility for the consequences of your choices. I believe things like this or adoption should be told by a certain age if not from the very start. This isn’t a little white lie that can be fixed easily, it’s someone’s entire life as they know it and some things shouldn’t be lied about. Get her in to therapy, support in school and take a step back and allow her to process her emotions.
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I just read it all…
If she didn’t HATE YOU…
Then you would know ur not doing ur job as a mum.
She’s gonna hate…she’s gonna yell…fight…argue…etccc…
You did what YOU HAD TO WHEN YOU HAD TO.
She is the child.
You are the parent.
Stand you’re ground.
Don’t back down.
Thing’s WILL WORK OUT EVENTUALLY.
If y’all real concerned with her mental health…
Then once again
…do what ya gotta do.
Get her into a program…into couple times a week therapy…
There is help out there…
The best thing you can do is be her mum tho…
Not her friend. Xo
I haven’t even finished reading this… I’m caught on the phone n dude’s…
IDGAF about her real dad, her step dad…
HELLLLL NO!
HELLLL NO!
TAKE THAT PHONE!
YOU ARE HER MUM.
PERIOD.
What’s the reason for lying who her father is?
Was it cause you don’t know?
I mean what’s the backstory on the your thought process?
Did your husband say he wasnt the father but step father or what?
Want opinions but never give any full details.
Get bad opinions when don’t have a complete narrative to go off of.
She lies and her daughter becomes a whole ass little hoe🤣 yikes. Therapy time
It’s ok girl 
bless you for loving her enough
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She needs intense therapy. You and her are going to need intense family therapy.
This is something that could damage your relationship for the rest of your lives.
I understand you were trying to spare her the hurt but you damaged her by not telling her the truth for 16 years.
She is having some deep issues and needs someone as an outlet. Obviously she’s not going to talk you because you told her a lie for 16 years.
This is heartbreaking! This 16 year old girl is crying out for help!
There is more that’s gone on? What is it?
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Parents think they are protecting their kids when they are only protecting themselves. Stop lying to your children. You are creating so much hurt and distrust all based on lies and then you want to understand how she can lie so easily. 
that shit is soul crushing. That’s her whole identity growing up and you stole that from her. If he was a mass murderer, I get it…but she should still grow up knowing that she has a dad who loves her that is not her biological father.
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You & your daughter need therapy! Do not ignore her cry’s for help ( her texting boys and suicide threats) If you don’t get her help this situation is going to come to a disastrous end ( drugs, alcohol, pregnancy or suicide) She’s angry, hurt & confused!! The person who she trusted the most has betrayed her and she is also going thru severe hormone changes at this time in her life…I wish you both the best… Good luck and don’t beat yourself up for doing what you thought was best for your daughter at the time…
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You robbed her of 16 years with her dad and his family. What gave you that right? Even if he chose to walk away, you LIED TO HER for her whole life about who her family was, who she was! Of course she’s going through it. Get over yourself and realize that YOUR actions have had the biggest impact on her, take responsibility, and work on making that right before you start pointing fingers at her, a child. You’re the adult.
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I wouldn’t be taking her telling a counselor that she has thought of suicide so lightly.
Mom you’ve put yourself in a bad situation & your going to have to take accountability. You will be punished through this. Don’t let it get so far as her taking her own life though. You are going to need help through this & so is she! Sounds like you may want to look into some family counseling or individual therapy.
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Y’all should calm down before jumping down this woman’s throat for “lying” to her daughter. You have no idea what their story is or what happened to make her decide that was necessary. I, for one, have an adorable two year old son whom I won’t tell ANYTHING about the unfortunate sack of shit that helped me conceive him. Not until he’s an adult and can understand why his father was removed from his life permanently
Now, for you momma’s. Now that the cat is out of the bag and she is obviously upset your just going to have to be patient and extra loving with her. Individual and family therapy are great ideas.
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It sounds like she is trying to recreate herself.
When you’re lied to for so long about something that plays a huge part in who you are, that can create an identity crisis. A lack of feeling loved. Betrayal. And trust issues.
Therefore, she’s seeking her needs anywhere far from you.
She will probably never trust you again. I say probably very lightly.
My mom lied to me about my father and it not only sabotaged our relationship, but the amount of chaos afterwards left us no longer in contact.
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She’s in a very vulnerable state right now. Being 16 is hard enough, now throw in the fact that the person she should trust the most, lied to her her entire life. She’s seeking for validation in all the wrong places, but at this point in time, it’s probably the only way she feels like she can. Get her into therapy ASAP. And find her a therapist that she actually likes, trusts, and feels comfortable with.
And then YOU need therapy, too. You need to come to terms with the fact that your daughter is not a small child who you can easily manipulate anymore. Even if the manipulation was what you feel was for the best for her. You hurt her. Own up to that and figure out how you move forward together.
My best advice would be to try and sit her down and explain to her why you lied and did what you did apologize for not telling her the truth and why you didn’t and then talk to her about her behavior and if she’s mad at you this isn’t the way to communicate.
Shes sad, confused and hurt she doesn’t know what she is shes a child! You royally screwed her up and she doesn’t trust you! Good job! Maybe explain things to her if she will allow you, but she doesn’t need her phone if she is going to be doing things that could get her into trouble. Explain why you did it and if she doesn’t understand then tell her you get it. Send her to talk to someone that’s neutral.
Family therapy immediately! No choice, she may be understandably upset but don’t let her just do what she wants cause you feel guilty. At some point, we all learn our parents aren’t perfect.
Coming from someone who doesn’t know who their father is and didn’t find out that my dad who I always though was, is not, you have to understand how she’s feeling. I still don’t know who my father is because my mother refuses to tell me. My mom told me it was to protect me as well, but she never sat down and had a conversation with me and refuses to talk about it. Try to put yourself in her shoes. I definitely recommend counseling. It’s going to take time, good luck mama🤍
You should of never lied about her father. For what ever reason you thought you was protecting her you should of been honest. If she didn’t act this way before then obviously she’s acting out against you. I would definitely find her some one to talk to to work these emotions out.
She has the right to be mad at you and there is nothing you can do but admit you where wrong and apologize. U could ha e keep her safe and told the truth. Maybe with some intense therapy, she might forgive you and yall can move on but if she doesn’t, understand it is ur fault, don’t be mad at her, she is hurt and broken. This is exactly why I don’t lie to my daughter about stuff like this. Ask your self, if you were her how would u feel. That’s what I would do. If I would be mad at my mom for not telling me something, I don’t hide it from my daughter. And yes I don’t let my daughter have contact with her father or his family and she knows why and understands why and isn’t mad at me and is safe.
You need family counseling. I know people think they are doing the right thing when they lie to kids but I’ve seen this 1st hand and it’s not a good thing to do
If I have learned anything over the last 8 yrs with a similar situation and more it is trying to “protect” kids from the truth will never work. It always finds a way out. My 14 yr old found out she wasn’t my ex’s by eavesdropping at 6, my 13 just found out her dad was doing in appropriate things and now has supervised visits. But when he chose no contact after the hearing I had to to her the truth. I couldn’t keep lying for him. Both girls where upset that I hod things. My 13 yr didn’t deserve to be sheltered, she deserved the truth. From here on out there will be no more of that from me, they deserve an open honest relationship if that’s what we want from them.
I have one son, his father has never even laid eyes on him. He has been given the chance too. My son did have phone conversations with him. At 8 my son decided he wanted no relationship with his bio Dad. Is 17 now and is well balanced and happy. I was able to adopt my two step daughters one is now 20 the other is now 13. The younger one has had honesty about all I could give her from age 7 on same with my 20 year old. They are each learning to cope in different ways with everything. AGE APPROPRIATE TRUTH is always the best road and if not eating crow and therapy is needed asap
Wow…I just went through the same thing last year in June I was 31. But the man that raised me turned into a complete crazy lunatic. I was forgiving when my mom told me why she and my biological dad did it. He wasn’t exactly father material. Now we are cool 
. I’m sorry she’s reacting like she is. I hope it gets better
Jessica Belle I think there is more to this than just the situation being told or the reasons behind it really wasn’t to protect her but maybe spite. She said she did it to protect his family also…that part j don’t get
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Never lie.
It will always kick you someday.
I will never ever forgive my parents for not telling me my dad fathered a child and never told me.
This child (when he was an adult) tried to reach out to my Dad and my dad continued his lies. I ended up finding out through Ancestry and only then my dad admitted to all this. This brother of mine died trying to reach out to my dad and my Dad wouldn’t see/talk to him… this child grew up living not far from me.
I will never forgive for this so don’t be surprised if she didn’t forgive you. She lost 16 years of not getting to know her father and his family whether you liked them or not.
You both definitely need help, and you should be prepared to suffer for your wrong doing. She does not have to respect or ever trust you.
Remember she is only 16 and she’s feeling all these big feeling and does not know how to deal with them. She clearly doesn’t have the appropriate tools to deal with them. You had reasons to do what you did and eventually she will understand that. On the mean time I would definitely get her in therapy and try to get you and her in therapy together. Be patient with her. Obviously don’t let her continue with what she is doing and you have to put your foot down for her safety, but just be patient. It will get better
If she has made a threat of suicide…you need to get her a therapist and talk to her doctor asap.
A lot of judgemental people on here we do what we can to protect our kids and sometimes maybe it’s not the right thing but we are only humans and we make mistakes. Having a teenage girl is hard at the best of times, I remember being one (just) you are to an extent going to have to out your foot down but she’s going to find ways to keep doing what she’s doing anyway. Maybe it’s a good idea for her to go to counselling and talk to someone who isn’t you. Not only has she got issues trusting you but hormones cause us to do funny things at that age and rebel against parents. Hang in there just be there for her when she needs you, because she will eventually
As someone who participated in this behaviour at 16 i can tell you shes probably sending the pictures because she thinks its the only way to get the attention from men. this is incredibly damaging that can take years of therapy to undo. Please please get her some therapy and let her know her worth isnt given by how much men love her. Ive been suicidal all my life and theres little you can do besides giving her support and letting her know shes not alone. And getting her help. Taking the phone and getting angry with her wont solve the problem she will start being sneakier. Calmly let her know her actions are dangerous and she could get herself in a lot of trouble giving this attentiom to older men. Shes in crisis mode and needs resorces and healthy coping mechanisms.
This is exactly why I never lied to my child even tho her dad was in prison most her childhood I was married to someone else, but I still couldn’t do it. You did what you did, and I’d say intense therapy, she’s not going to trust again for a long long time
This is exactly why I just told my 8 year old that daddy adopted him. You kept a huge truth from her. Now she has to process this information ON TOP of teenage angst that is already there. Personally, having a similar situation where dad adopted the child, I couldn’t find ways to curb the comments and questions. “Why isn’t daddy in my baby pictures?” “Where was dad when I was born?” I don’t have much advice because my 8 year old is my oldest. I get the reasons, I do. But this day in age, she was bound to find out sooner or later.
You did the right thing. Anyone saying you shouldn’t have “lied” CLEARLY has no idea what you are going through. Sometimes keeping the truth about a parent is what’s best for the child.
Dont lie to your children. Find age appropriate ways to explain it.
Be kind to her. Talk to her. She’s going to be mad for awhile. Probably a long while.
Speaking as someone who has an eating disorder. She may be have some sort of eating disorder that u haven’t noticed. I was throwing up every morning before school and every night when my parents when to bed. My way of control. I haven’t done it in years but it cant be hard to catch if ur not paying attention
I am so grateful. When I spoke to my mr about telling my daughter the truth. he was OK with it. Even though he’s not her biological father. He raised her as his own. You lied to her for your own personal reasons. Now you’re gonna have to deal with the consequences.
I have 4 year old who never met her bio dad because he will emotionally hurt her he not reliable I found that out like month of her life. He has nothing to do with her . Im so scared bout this . My fiancé been her dad for past 4 years of her life . She does know her bio dads mom she even told me do not let him around her all he going to do is hurt her feelings all time
Honestly, sit down and explain why you didn’t tell her. And also, tell her why her actions with these older men are dangerous.
So! My mom did the same thing to me I found out on accident at 13. It really really messes up the mother daughter bond. I started believing that I couldn’t trust her, I felt very alone and unloved, I didn’t understand why. Why was the man that helped conceive me not in the picture. It came with time. I was very suicidal, I harmed myself, and all around wanted to just stop existing. I had days that I didn’t want to eat, and I had good days too. It’s hard as the child to not understand why, we see our friends with happy family lives, with mom and dad, and we believe that we have it too just for the rug to be pulled out from underneath us and to find out we weren’t wanted by someone. What my mom did and ,I love her to this day for it, was she was patience, she sat with me on my hardest days, she was always a good ear. Yeah she didn’t like some of the things I had to talk about. But it didn’t stop her from listening, or caring. She proved to me that I could trust her and that she loved me. She helped me every single day. But she also gave me space when I needed it. Your daughter is probably feeling lost and confused and unloved. Give her your undivided attention. Comfort her and explain why her bio dad isn’t in the picture. It will help I promise
Sounds like bio dad wasn’t beating down the door to know her either. Don’t apologize for something u did to protect her. One day she will understand
I understand that you were trying to shield her from her bio dad’s family. She doesn’t though. You have to understand that she feels hurt and lied to, and that the entire life she knew is gone, because the man who raised her wasn’t her dad. Get her into therapy. Don’t assume she’s lying either!! Just because you haven’t seen signs of suicidal thoughts or anorexia, teens are often implicitly gifted at keeping these truths from their family. I think family counseling would benefit you both to help heal the relationship. But you do need to come completely clean to her, and accept responsibility for the betrayal, without justifying your actions.
You did what you felt you needed. My mom did the same thing. I found out by reading some foster kids papers one day. It messed me up for a little while. I didn’t act out like she is but I didnt trust her either. I would sit down with her and explain why you did it. But she is desperate for attention for some reason and you need to figure that reason out. I don’t see it being just because of that honestly.
Get her help. You did lie to her. She needs to talk to a therapist on a regular basis before something bad happens. Similar situation with my mom. But she was negative about it all and wouldn’t let me talk to her.
Get her help and be patient with her.
I think at that age she would do all of this regardless of the lie. Seriously. My stepdaughter turned 17 in April and does ALL of this. Just keep reaching out, explain why you did it and just keep loving her. If she’s avoiding you there is nothing else you can do.
I can’t say anything to my stepdaughter that she doesn’t like/doesn’t agree with…otherwise she disappears to her moms for months and cuts off her dad. Who’s done nothing wrong.
Seems like her recent discovery may be a bit much for her to handle, she’s young & doesnt fully understand. Its obviously causing her extreme distress & this is why she’s acting out & acting unusual. Try to talk to her & be as understanding as possible, explain to her why you did what you did. She might still be angry & stressed about it for a lil while but she’ll come around. Also yes as someone mentioned above about trust. Im sorry, but from a bit of my own experience with my mom, she will still have doubts at the very least when it comes to trusting you. She may even continue to be more secretive & closed off from you than she was before all this came out.
Even though you did it to protect her, she does not see or feel it that way. I think you should sit her down and tell her the whole story and let her react however she feels. But remind her and tell her 'it’s okay for you to be upset with me, but regardless how ever you feel about me right now I do love you very much. And as your mother it is my job to try and protect you from certain things that I think could hurt you or put you in harms way. You may not believe it was the best choice, and frankly it may have not been, but at that point in your life I felt it was the right thing to do. And so I did." Then tell her she can have her feelings but she is still to ‘respect’ (maybe word it differently) your rules and she should absolutely not be doing any of the business she thinks she’s doing as of now.
Then discuss with her all the danger and disrespect she is doing to herself and I would personally try to Then start building my daughters confidence and thoughts about herself so she didn’t feel she needed approval from men etc and teach her self worth and dependence. It will be hard! But for some reason she must feel like she’s missing something.
I see many comments that seem to be shaming you. As a mother you did what you had to do to protect her. You were not in the wrong. As it stands, she is angry with you, but her actions are not based on one single issue. At her age, she is going through many things that perhaps you do not understand. The worst thing you can do is act on guilt, although there are those who want to make you feel that way. You are her mother, you are her protector. The best thing to do is remain steadfast in your motherhood and show her that you love her.
I went through this…my mom told me at 9 and it changed everything for me. I’m 31 and finally going to therapy for it.
It’s not easy to handle because there’s a ton of emotions involved. You start questioning who you are and so much more. The best advice is to let her run through the emotions. Be there for her and always have an open communication with her. Allow her to grieve…the more you push up on her the further away she’ll get from you.
While I understand your protection method… this is exactly why you do not lie to your children about who their biological parent is! You don’t get to make that decision for them. Your job is protection and safety yes but that is what court ordered visitation is for, that is what monitored visitation is for. I see this so often and honestly the only thing it does is cause resentment and pain and anger. You have to understand that is HUGE thing to keep from that child for SOOOOO long and then to find that out… you have to expect her lashing out and acting the way she is because of what she just found out. Your own reasoning and why you chose to keep her from him is because of stuff YOU WENT THROUGH… NOT HER. You don’t get to decide if she gets to know who her real father is or if she does or doesn’t want to have a relationship with him. That is HER DECISION AND CHOICE! What he put you through and your own anger doesn’t mean she should have had to suffer and not know. Ultimately you have to expect what your actions have done has now caused a reaction and as DONE as you are… she is as well right now.
Ok mommas so, all the women saying that she shouldn’t have lied to her. What do you do when their ‘dad’ has chose to have nothing to do with then their whole life (which is for the best), he was extremely abusive with major anger issues (towards me and my son the short couple weeks it took for me to get out). What do you tell them? My biggest fear is him getting old enough to question it (he’s only 2) and not knowing how to go about it.
My daughter has always known the truth about her paternal side (with age appropriate context). Even with that knowledge, she rebelled as she became a teen. Teenagers are desperate to find their place in the world and understand themselves and discover who they are and become independent. When we throw in unexpected information it changes everything for them.
Their brain is like that of a toddler when they enter adolescence and becomes a sponge once again for growth and development. During this phase of life, adolescents are very egocentric. It is very difficult for them to see anything outside of their immediate world/wants/needs. Just like toddlers.
You threw a wrench in, now your teen is trying to reconfigure her entire world. Seems dramatic to us (because it kind of is) but she’s going to process the way she needs to. Kind of sounds like in this case, she is looking for people to feel sorry for her because she is feeling very sorry for herself.
I would 100% get professional support for both of you. These are big feelings to navigate on her own and learning how to cope in a healthy way is so important. Keep communicating. Let her know you are always there without hovering.
If you handle this with care, things will work out. She will be okay!
I dont really thing the way she is acting out ties in with the dad issue. It could but it may not. Plenty of young ladies at 16 act out the same exact way your daughter is. I personally would seek counseling, and allow her to get to know her bio dad if they are willing. Just keep in mind that she is old enough to decide she doesnt want to go to counseling and also see about communicating with bio dad about monitoring her phone? If he cared as a father for her, because of what she’s been doing, he would do it.
I’m curious as to why u felt the need to protect her from her biological father & his family. We’re the actually toxic people or was there animosity between her father & u? At any rate, apologize to her & tell her what u felt were your reasons & get her into counseling for what she’s doing now
She feels like she is not getting the positive attention she needs so she is getting it from anyone anyway she can. I can just about guarantee that’s what is going on. Take her out, you and her time and just let her talk.
Your daughter has a right to know who she is and where she comes from. I’m trying to understand your sentence - did she find out her dad wasn’t her biological dad because you guys are getting divorced? Because if that’s the case, she is being hit with traumatic news and events left and right. You need to put your feelings aside and all the reasons you didn’t want to tell her; and really look at how your daughter is hurting. She is almost an adult and she had no idea that the man she called dad wasn’t her bio dad. She didn’t get to choose for herself on whether to call him dad or not. How embarrassing she must be feeling to tell her friends that she had no idea. She needs counseling like yesterday. She needs you to come clean and admit you were selfish but had good intentions. She needs to see that adults can make mistakes and learn from them. Give her space but let her know that you’re there and will never lie to her again, even if you feel it would protect her. I don’t know the issue with her bio dad, but now that he’s involved, it may be a good time to get on friendly terms. She should be allowed a relationship with him and his family. She turns 18 soon, you have a long way to go if you want to save this relationship.
You have to either explain why you lied and have a really good explanation or wait until she’s ready to talk to tou
I have no clue how to break the news when my daughters older she’s only one “ technically he’s not ur daddy” one day
Unfortunately I was in the same situation and it was very heartbreaking and humiliating for me to have to tell my daughter and it was exactly for the same reasons I wanted to protect her from her dad at all cost her real dad but the best thing to do at this point is to seek counseling and try very hard to get her trust back I literally was sick and and needed a therapist for 4 years after my ordeal but now me and my daughter are in a very good place and have them for the last 15 years
You lied to your daughter. There was no protection involved. As always, I recommend counseling. For you. For her. And for the two of you together.
Seee i personally feel children should be at least told these things at a young age. The you have a bio dad part. Mommy is having to protect you from him and leave it at that until they are older and you can give the reasoning behind it.
Cause if you can lie bout that what else you lying about. 
Are you really protecting the child? Or you just yourself from having to answer stuff?
Just make sure it said so they can understand at whatever age they are.
If there parts u cant say then let them know you tell them.more when they are older. Cant shatter their world if they know from get go.
I rather know. I know some might say they dont cause they feel more messed up after the fact. Which i feel if they were told from get go and properly helped through whatever it was. Everyone would be ok. There still could be some exceptions though. Life is weird. This one them grey areas😒
Okay so she sounds similar to me as a teen once I was old enough to really question about bio family. She wants attention ,to feel loved , and she is questioning alot about herself and her life trying to figure out who she is .but I also would recommend sitting her down and talking to her because you are the adult after all but you also should apologize for not telling her sooner even though I understand wanting to protect her but she’s probably hurting alot and as someone who’s first suicide attempt was at a very young age get her a therapist
I don’t have a 16 y.o yet, BUT I remember being a teenage once. Those years are the very confusing, emotional, & challenging years.
I’ve set myself to be an open mom & guide my kids even closer during those years because I knew how it was like…I also didn’t have guidance or a strong relationship with my parents - which led to wrong friends, bad choices, poor habits, grades, & mental health.
In your case, I think you’re going to need a getaway for just the 2 of you for a start. Create that healthy bonding, understanding, & communication. Make sure she can trust you & don’t hide anything from her because truths always comes out later. Sometimes, we gotta shift ourselves into their positions & see it from their view.
Best of luck, mama.
She is understandably so upset feeling as though the trust you once had with her is gone. I am certain she is thinking what else have you been lying about. It’s all about trust. It’s no different than a marriage, if you do not trust that person for any reason that marriage will not survive. You will need to regain her trust in you by having a
in-depth conversation. If her biological father is not a dirt bag he could probably help with the situation and explained why at that point in your life you felt it was best to not acknowledge the him, the biological father.
You can fix this, don’t let time slip by. Seek counseling ASAP. Good luck! And for all the people that are being very negative to you at this point in your life they did not live your life, they did not know what was going on so for the people that were negative toward you, just ignore them. You did not put yourself out there for them to criticize and belittle you four of which they know nothing about what happened in your past.
There’s really no reason why people should lie about who someone’s bio parent is or isn’t. It really just makes them feel better. It only damages the child/adult child when they find out the enormous betrayal. It’s way worse than being cheated on…. And many know what that feels like.
Why doesn’t she live with you? It sounds like there’s more issues there besides just what you’ve said.
You did what you had to do and what you thought was best get het some therapy tell her the texting older men has to stop maybe encourage her to go on a date with a boy from school or even a group dated to the movies or something she knows her real dad now so that on top of thew divorce sounds like a lot amd she seems to need a push in a positive direction maybe set up something for her and her real dad to do that you can supervise ot something
As someone who was adopted and lied to by parents. Shes going through an identity crisis. She just needs to see is psychiatrist
Wow this was literally me as a child I met my bio dad when I was 16 and it was my biggest regret. He thought he could buy my affection and judge me and my mother it was so toxic. I struggled with a lot of depression and anxiety growing up to the point where my mother had me hospitalized and tbh it was a turning point for me. Not saying that’s what you should do but all you can do is support her and show her you are there no matter what. I’m now 20 years old and have a great relationship with my mom. I hope things turn up soon🖤
See, this sh*t right here is what I warn mothers about. When you keep a child from their father (and his family) without a GOOD, LEGITIMATE, REAL (not made up in your head) reason, this is what happens. The child eventually turns on YOU. There is almost no reason what so ever to keep a child from their father (and his family). If the father (or family is a jerk) let THE CHILD figure it out. Never, ever, ever keep them from the father. When women do this kinda crap to be vindictive, spiteful and bitter, it ends up biting them in the back-half. SMH. As far as I’m concerned you got what you deserve. Your daughter has every right to be angry with you. She’d be better off moving in with her father until you go get some good therapy.
You should have told her right when she can understand…
You both need to seek therapy separately and together. I wish you both the best of luck and healing.
Can’t keep a child from a parent…PERIOD! Until proven that its unsafe!
It’s not ok to lie to children about where they come from x
So what did her father & fathers family do to cause you to “protect her”??
Wow. She needs A LOT of help. She has every right to be very angry with you. Poor girl. 
She’s screaming for attention. Give it to her.
You should not have lied to her and just been honest