You should have NEVER LIED 2 her regardless of the reason!!
Counseling. So much counseling. You made this bed⌠now itâs up to you to fix it
Mama and daughter need therapy. Lots to repair but doable 
You taught her it was ok to lie.
This honestly reminded me of myself when i was her age. Although i was 7 when i found out my dad wasnât my âreal dadâ, it still had a significant impact on me growing up. This needs to be treated with care and gentleness, empathy
No excuse for lying to you child about her identityâŚ
So you lied to her about who her dad was, I mean were you intentionally hiding her from her biological dad? Did he know he had a daughter? How did he just happen to come into her life right as you and your husband are getting a divorce? Because if he knew about her her whole life sheâs got just as much reason to be mad at him as she does you. As motherâs we make tough calls that are not always easy and sometimes we look back and realize it was a mistake. After that all we can do is try to make up for it, be as upfront and honest as possible about why you did what you did and give her space.
You lied to her. That wasnât ok even when trying to justify it. She doesnât trust you. Itâs going to be a hard road getting it back. You need to take responsibility for lying. Stop the self justification it will drive her further away. Good luck mom.
You have to let her process, to gather her thoughts. You donât get to make this about you right now, sheâs a young woman who just found out that the world she has known her whole life was part of a lie. She has to work thru this, you have to let her come to you. Make sure she knows that when SHES ready to talk about things you will always be there, but you have to stop pressuring her. By pressuring her your pushing her into emotion overload, give her space and time.
She will work thru this, and you and her will be able to build a new relationship that is built entirely on trust this time.
You and your daughter need to go to counseling, together. I donât think you should have lied to her. But we as parents we all do what we feel is best. If it were me I would have told my child who their father was and allowed them to know who his family was and if they arenât good people allow her to see for herself. Kids are pretty smart and they know when a parent isnât good for them. We sometimes have to let our children go through heartache even though it may hurt them, itâs part of learning and growing up. Itâs not easy but step back and look at it from her point of view. Try to remember what it was like to be her age. Most importantly donât dismiss how she feels. Have you bothered to try to sit her down and explain your reasons for keeping the truth from her? The teenage years are the tough years. At that age they are trying to discover who they are, what they want to do in life, fit in, make friends, deal with school, and then thereâs us, the parents. Our kids go from being little and needing us to growing up and trying to learn to be independent and learning who they are. Itâs not easy for them or us. Itâs a shock to them, and at that age weâre the enemy because they see our discipline, and the choices we make for them, as going against them. I think if it was me, to find out the person who I grew up thinking was my father was not my father I would be devastated too. Especially finding out the people in your life youâre supposed to be able to trust lied to you the entire time. But, you had your reasons and as a child they donât understand why we as parents do what we do. Like I tell my youngest who is 14 heâll not understand why I make the decisions I do until heâs grown and has kids of his own. Thereâs a lot of talking the two of you need to do, and healing to do for her to do. Counseling will help. Good luck. Donât beat yourself up, you did what you thought was best and thatâs your job as a parent.
I honestly kinda went through the same thing with my middle child but she was 6 not 16. Her dad left a week before she was born and my youngest daughters father raised her. I wasnât until we spilt 2yrs ago that she found out he wasnât her real dad and it was because my oldest (10 at the time) told her that he wasnât her father. After meeting her real dad and his family she realized very quick why I did what I did. You have to sit her down and have a real conversation with her. Possibly start it off by acknowledging the fact that you know you lied and that it was wrong but then gently explain why you had did what you did.
Tbh if I found out my father wasnât my real dad, Iâd sit and listen to why I was told such a thing⌠id also thank the man you who brought me up for 16 years wanting to play the father role in my lifeâŚbut also ask who my father was.
If my mum thought that what she was doing it for the greater good Iâd take that as she loved me so much and wanted to protect meâŚ
Iâd take a real look at everything, and tell her Iâm mature enough now to make my own choices on him thank you for protecting me.
Iâd be hurt but Iâd use my head too.
Give her time, keep reminding her you there and that your sorry its hurting her. Remind her you love her. And no matter what your help love and support her.
Wow some people are really not all that kind and understanding. For whatever reason you made that decision their was a reason for that decision and I would not feel bad about it. This is one of the hardest years for a teen girl and maybe she doesnât have that trust and comfort with confiding into you but I would look into finding someone she can talk to. A therapist or even a life coach which will hopefully be a better outlet for some of that anger and not talking and lying to these strange men
No advice but damn thatâs one big lie 
Take the phone and everything else donât isolated her but make her bet involved with you go out with her ect to go a farm and pick veggies get her out of her element take her on a road trip with no phone 
The lie was to protect her so she needs to get over it!!! She is 16 years old snatch her up and take away her platform!!! YOU are the boss, she is after all a child. Take the phone, expose her lies immediatelyâŚlet all the people she lied to know she lied!!! Then keep her away from that man!!! He hasnt been there for 16 years and he no rights now!!! Take him to court, if he wants rights to her, he is gonna pay for them!!!
First step, if she has sent any pictures to these âolder guysâ or they have sent pictures to her you need to turn the phone directly into the police. Sheâs going through a lot and probably feels betrayed and forgotten. If she has admitted to thoughts of self harm to her counselor they are mandatory reporters and she may have to be evaluated at an inpatient facility which might not be a bad thing, if anything it will allow her to see that whatâs sheâs dealing with isnât the worst thing in the world. (Coming from an adult that had to evaluated for suicidal tendency that is what I got from my hospital stay, that things could always be worse and my life wasnât nearly as bad as some of the other residents, it really changed my outlook on my own struggles). Sheâs crying out for attention wherever she thinks she can get it and it might not turn out well for her if itâs not headed off now. Take her places just the two of you, talk to her like an intelligent human instead of a teenager, being actually listened to about her feelings would probably help your relationship with her.
We all know it wasnt to protect her. I hope everyone realizes this is why you let the children choose and see for themselvesâŚ
You crossed a major line and while some of this can be normal 16 year old behavior I can guarantee this isnât. She needs a therapist stat. And so do you.
She should have known by 16. Seems like u were just trying to not have to explain decisions that YOU made for selfish reasons bc if not you would have wanted her to know. Just my thought tho.
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My high school boyfriend was 16 when my mom took him to get his d.l qnd he found out then because he needed his birth certificate and we ordered for him or tried to and there was no record with his last name. He went 16 years thinking his last name was the one he was using. Just to find out his dad wasnât who he thought he was. His mom was furious but she never did much for him. Itâs best to tell the truth. Now that the situation is out in the open, it is best to sit down with her and explain your side and donât let her walk out of the room at least hear you out.
Every child has a right to know where they come from. Her behavior is understandable when it comes to being mad at you. The rest is her acting out and Iâd take everything from her. But Iâm confused on why she doesnât stay with you.
From someone who got adopted at a young age this is on you sorry 
you should have told her PERIOD!! You werenât âprotectingâ her you were lying and itâs going to cause more issues nowâŚ.I totally can understand where sheâs coming from 
I doubt that you lying to her about her father is what started her down this path. It may have been the last straw. But definitely not the only one. She was already headed in that direction to begin with. I feel thereâs a lot more to this story than youâre letting on.
I definitely understand protecting your daughter from the biological families. Iâve had to do that for a long time myself. Not just from her biological fatherâs but from my own as well. So that is understandable. But her actions are not something that just happens because of one incident. You need to listen to her or find her a counselor who will listen to her. She is basically screaming for help right now. Youâve clearly ignored signs and symptoms for years until theyâve gotten too much to handle for you. Do the right thing by her and find her someone who will actually listen to her.
You should have told her from the beginning.
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Everyone has a right to know where they come from. ,I feel sorry for the ones that never know ,even if they grew up in a nice home. Hope it works up.
I donât think I could forgive.
Take her on an overnight or weekend vacation somewhere just the two of you. Like camping or hiking or the beach or a concert and BOND with her. She needs bonding and she needs someone she can talk to again or sheâs gonna keep looking for trust in validation in places that will take advantage of her
If I EVER needed advice or help I would NEVER post it here!! Yâall are a bunch of judgemental, bitter, mean a*s women!! Like who hurt yâall??! And I see it on EVERY post not just this one!! Like God appointed yâall to take his place every time someone post here!! SMFH 
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Get her a psychiatrist evaluation a therapist and go from there.
NEVER lie about that to your child!
Get her into counseling and get off your phone
This is whatâs wrong with so many of you âmothers â I hope she never speaks to you when she turns 18 so many gross woman lying about who the daddy really is & step daddyâs always getting screwed over.
Saying always goes mommas baby
daddies maybe
Family therapy, include dad
You are the biggest piece of shit on the planet. How dare you not put your child first. Send her to her dads for the FULL 16 years you lied. She deserves her father and you deserve to go to a special part of hell. Also not your phone not your money so give it back to her
A lie for any purpose is still a lie. The truth is best, no matter how brutal.
No phone. Theyâre the worst things kids can have these days.
I mean you lied to her for so long what did you expect to happen? You had no right doing that, sheâs your child not your property.