My husband and I have been together for almost 20 years now. We have 3 teenage children.
The past few weeks my husband was acting really off. So after some time passes and the feeling staying, I decided to look at his browsing history.
Big mistake.
I found out that not only is he searching for locals to hook up with, but he’s joined apps etc.
We have a zero tolerance policy for this kind of behavior, which he clearly knows and asked the same of me… and yet, here we are…
What do I do?
He’s got all of the signs that he is actively cheating… including searching and joining sites, while he was sitting across from me, on our anniversary a week ago.
The no duh thing is to leave. But I can’t.
I have been a stay at home mom for 18 years so we could afford for him to continue his career… I have nothing.
My kids are also disabled and he has no ability to care for them, but without a place to stay and money to pay the bills, I’m stuck.
I’m stuck with someone who looks me in my face and tells me he loves me but yet is looking to hookup with others…
I want to unalive myself, but my kids need me, so that’s out.
How did I allow myself to get to this point?
What can I do from here on out?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I looked at my husbands search history and I'm sick
No honey! You have EVERYTHING! You’re married sis! Hes cheating! Time to lawyer up!
You did NOT get yourself to this point. You gave this man 20+ years of your love, loyalty and trust. He knowingly destroyed his family by betraying his marriage. He got to face the consequences.
His lawyer will try to leverage whatever they can to save his cheating ass so, do NOT leave the home!! I repeat, do NOT leave the home! They can then claim in court that you abandoned the home and or children. Don’t give them anything they can try to protect him with.
Collect all the evidence you can. His ass can pay the piper the rest of his life!
I’d kick his ass out and get alimony and child support.
If u get a divorce youll get half of everything plus spousal support and child support leave his ass.
Time to ask an attorney, not Facebook.
Apply for any and all assistance. File for divorce, and look into a woman/children’s shelter. Don’t stay in that toxic environment. Since you’ve been a stay at home mom for so long , he’ll have to pay support and alimony so don’t even worry about that. Definitely find a shelter or a family member/friend to stay with while you figure it out. Xoxo
I dont have any suggestions, but I wanted to tell you that this is absolutely NOT your fault. I know it’s hard to believe that sometimes. But he made these decisions, not you.
Best thing is find a lawyer and get out!! There are places that help!! Don’t feel stuck because there is lots of support out there.
Dump him- you’ll get child support as well as spousal support if you have kids with disabilities, and cannot work
Confront him now … Screen shot that shit be on your phone and confront and then lawyer up baby girl …
Disabled children can get money look in to social security. Asap an a lawyer
Reach out to an attorney to see what your options are. DONT LEAVE THAT HOUSE. also, start slowly putting money somewhere else so you have a reserve…just in case.
For now, when you go to the store and pay for groceries, get cash back and stash that money in a private account he can’t see or touch. Squirrel away some money until you can get a good lawyer. Then TAKE THE BASTARD FOR ALL HE HAS!
something def on his mind and its not you or kids. protect yourself and your kids. confront him, counselling if you so decide, lawyer. NEVER think this is any fault of your own. NEVER think this is something you caused. keep your chin up and fight for whatever it is you want. been there done that but worse
ALIMONY some states have laws you prove he cheats depending on years of marriage he gotta pay and child support
Get a lawyer, and handle it. It’s far from easy mentally physically emotionally and financially but it’ll kill you more to let him look at you and tell you he loves you when you know he’s got someone else he’s thinking about.
Same boat and inleft
Attorney time!
Child:clap:t3: support 
Pretty sure he’s committing adultery, therefore you need to get a good lawyer. You will obviously win. Just have all the proof before hand🤷🏻♀️
call a lawyer, file for disability for the kids, alimony…all of it but whatever you do DO NOT MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE
Leave and put his ass on child support, divorce his ass,and get everything you can out of him!! Don’t feel stuck honey!! You can do this!!
It sadly doesn’t matter if it were your anniversary date when your seeing someone eles you adapt quickly from switching back and forth thats where they’re multiple personalities come out. It’s time to go this thing never stops why punish urself
He’s cheating you have everything! Get a lawyer prove he’s cheating. You will get it all
Go get a lawyer now get off Facebook and court
My husband would look me in the eye and tell me how much he love me all the time he got 2 r3 on the side I was lucky I had a good job moved out and started a new life
Get a lawyer (if you can afford one) and seek professional advice.
Leave his ass. No time for disrespect.
Pray and ask God for guidance and talk with your husband the process is not going to be easy but don’t give up so easily everyone makes mistakes in life it’s how we handle them that make us stronger as a person. Sending prayers for y’all as well 
Should probably change your so called “zero policy” thing if you’re not Gona leave
He’s cheating on you, fuck him over. The courts are on YOUR side! Document E V E R Y T H I N G the bastard is doing wrong. Act like everything is fine and DO NOT bring anything up to him until you have a lawyer and you’ve filed for divorce.
You can leave! File for divorce, you will get child support and alimony. You are not stuck. He will have to continue supporting you all the way he has. I was you thinking because I was a SAHM with nothing to my name I was trapped but that’s not the case. Consult with an attorney you will feel 
about your situation then you can make a sound decision about wether you want to leave or not. I’m 10 years divorced out of a 15 year marriage. Best decision I ever made and I survived and living comfortably without his money.
First take a breath. Second sit and make a plan. With child support and alimony you can get things covered. You got this!
Apparently you don’t have a zero tolerance policy because you have done nothing. Even as a stay at home mom you can request alimony and your kids if they are disabled receive money that can help you to stay in your home, as for him he can figure out how he is going to live, you and the kids keep the house
You’re never stuck… you’re just in a sticky spot!! If your children are disabled you should be able to get help from the state… especially if you’re going to go thru and file for a divorce… NEVER EVER give up!!! Save yourself and get out. Find anyone that will help you… research all b4 u make the move
Collect evidence of his cheating, then collect alimony and child support.
Screenshot everything and send it to yourself, get a lawyer, file for divorce, alimony, and child support.
Get all the proof you need and do what others are saying! Don’t move, get a lawyer, file for child support and alimony
Why do so many women stay in such shitty situations because of money and materialistic crap!?! Divorce his arse and fight for half of everything if that’s an option. Time to put yourself first, at least you’ll be happy.
First of all I wanna say I’m very sorry this is happening to you. Do not question your worth over this. It is his loss and his disgusting behavior. DO NOT LET HIM KNOW THAT YOU KNOW! SPEAK TO A LAWYER BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING! Big question, do you have a prenup? If not, you may be alright. Breathe baby girl.
You’re never stuck. If you want out, get a job and make it work.
Idk if this applies but my husband and I both get emails and texts messages about local hook up and online security all the time. Pretty sure it’s virus material
Meeting local single people… is an pop up advert for an adult site so doesn’t prove hes done anything?
stay the fuck out of his browsing history, you look for trouble, you find trouble! 
yes ^^^^^^^ agreed!!
Thats why he do it maybe … ,he knows your reliant so will just take it … or maybe … it’s issues with timing …ie …you say have 2 disabled sons … i guess take up lots of time ( prob he not helping much) so your so tired n stressed …no/not much time for him…let alone sexy time… !! You both need to feel wanted/loved n desired still from partner … ,think you need to talk…maybe bring in help occasionally if able… !
He will owe you child support and likely spousal support. Collect proof and contact an attorney. I’m sure you have access to your joint bank accounts and credit cards.
Your only as stuck as you make yourself 
If you want to leave it is possible to make it BUT after spending 20 years together I imagine it would be difficult to give up on that. Couples can get therapy and improve the marriage if both parties are willing. Divorce doesn’t have to be the answer. Good luck with your decision
You quietly collect the evidence. Save it somewhere. Give it to someone you trust to hold for you. You inform your support network- family, friends, neighbors, counselors- whoever will support you through this. You contact an attorney who will advise you exactly how to proceed to put yourself and your kids in the best financial position possible. You get counseling. You take care of you.
You don’t deserve this. You didn’t cause this. But now that you know, you have to decide how you’re going to proceed. And you’ll need a support network, legal advice, financial advice, and mental health support to figure it all out.
They don’t change. They lie. They manipulate. But they don’t change.
I’ve lived through it and come out on the other side. I’m thankful every day I left. As hard and impossible as it seems, it’s possible.
You still have a lot of life left to live and you don’t want to live it miserable and full of trust issues. Praying for you but think long term, even tho i know it’s hard when your hurting.
Stay, Live and find someone to hook up with.
This is what I would do. While hes at work or where ever, research! Find a lawyer (do not let him know anything! Don’t even let him know what you found) go talk to the lawyer and find out your options…being married so long and a stay at home mom you will get alimony. Child support as well! Once you get the ball rolling, find somewhere to go, pack up and leave! You will definitely win in this case. He will regret it! His loss! You deserve so much better! PM me if you want to talk or need any advice!
Oh you poor woman 
this is my worst nightmare. Just try and make a plan privately without him knowing, start putting money aside that you get from him (if you do) and wait until it builds up until you’re able to find a place of your own. Then leave quietly and peacefully whilst he’s at work so there isn’t a huge fallout in front of the kids. I feel so much for you, this must be awful. Sending hugs your way and I hope things will get better for you and you find your happy place with the kids away from him xx
Are your kids on social security? In addition to that, you should get child support and alimony (some states call it maintenance). Every time you go through a checkout, get cash back until you have enough $ to leave and tie you over. That’s what I did.
Of course it’s easier said then done I agree…but this is obviously unhealthy. You will more then likely never have a solid marriage after this…
Its easy for somebody to tell you to get a lawyer but if you don’t have money to pay a lawyer then that isn’t going to help you as a quick fix.
Have you tried to talk with him about this? Why is he choosing to take this path?! This is terrible and extremely difficult for anybody to take in.
I would at this point try to get on your feet and become independent so you are not trapped. This won’t happen over night but it will help. Stay as solid as you can and get to a better place.
If this is something you want to work on and he is willing try marriage counseling.
Lawyer and divorce with child support and alimony but you need proof of adultry
Not a popular view point BUT an affair doesn’t necessarily mean the end of a marriage. It’s a cry for help. Get that help.
You will be able to recieve alimony…possibly even child support as you were taking care of kids while he was persuing his education and career…Lawyer up find out your rights…and sometimes a judge will order a house to be sold and profits divided if kids are of age but lawyer up definitely…look out for you and your kids…good luck!
Many attorneys will do a consultation at no cost. You need legal advice. Can you screenshot the proof without him knowing? Build your documentation even if you live in a no fault state any evidence you have that may explain what he’s doing with his time, energy and money outside of the home and family goes in your favor. Don’t tip your hand until you get some legal advice. Just document. Gather bank statements, credit card statements, pull his credit report to see if he’s opened any accounts you don’t know about. Gather cell phone records start being a PI while he’s at work. If he has an iPhone and also and iPad at home he may have been careless and remained logged in on it. Use that to gather information. Don’t vary your routine while he’s around just be normal.
Start planning… start saving money… start seeking legal advice without him knowing…. Get your shit together secretly and leave his ass high and dry 
You CAN leave, he will owe you, just because you’re a stay at home mom doesn’t mean you didn’t build your life together! You’re entitled to just as much as he is
Yes 
everything these women are saying above 
Don’t get scared, get prepared. Get it all together.
The evidence
Money on the side
Everything plan it all out and then hit him with divorce papers and leave.
You don’t deserve that! No one does. Stand up tall and strong and show them girls that you are responsible or your own health and happiness and it’s ok to fight hard for it !
+:woman: =:woman_superhero:
What do u mean what do you do? You said u have zero tolerance. You should just do what you say.
18 yrs as a stay at home mom and wife and has playing you like that… Alimony is a thing for a reason. Find an attorney who will start helping you now quietly and make sure you have pics or screen shots of his activity cause that is a mess!
Zero tolerance?
Then you know what to do.
Kick him out of the house and file for divorce. Doesn’t matter how long you two have been together he still cheated and is still cheating.
Since your children have disabilities, they may qualify for some financial assistance. You do have a right to alimony and child support, but find out how much that is in your state. Some states have a ridiculously low rate. Can you get some help from family? Look at all your resources, know you’re married to an ahole thats not going to change, and do whatever is best for you and the kids
Lady!!! Don’t say you have nothing … you have alimony, when you get a divorce he’ll have to pay it. You’ll get money to continue the lifestyle you have been accustomed to.
Still have time to go out and find yourself a job while living on his dime lol
The Thriving Marriage programs!
Yeaaa, time to send him packing. Take pics/ document everything of any sort of evidence that he’s cheating plus note all the reasons on why you’re the better care provider for your children and go straight to a lawyer.
Don’t ever contemplate suicide over a man,… over the inability of someone to love you as you deserve. The problem is in them not with you.
Be brave, and do what needs to be done.
You said it… zero tolerance! Get rid of him… you and kids stay… divorce him… you get the house! You dont deserve to be treated like this! He will go… its the easy road! He wont stay to fight you for the house and kids… he wouldnt know what or how to do it! Once you confromt him… and you tell him hes got to go… hes bags will be packed and he will be out of there before you know it! Hope everything works out for you!
I would confront him but make sure you take pictures of everything just incase he denies anything and just talk about it first but you’re not stuck. If you leave you just have to figure out how to take care of your kids and you. Its going to suck I’m sure but so is staying in a toxic environment. But talk first
U can do it…its called child support…spouces support he would have to pay because u been homemaker your whole life…never say never u can do it…dont belittle yourself u got this
get a job and leave him, in divorce court you get half of everything.
There are resources for you! Go to your local welfare office and tell them you need help and have disable children
If leaving is what you feel would be the best choice I’m sure he will have to pay alimony considering you sacrificed your career and working for his all these years especially if you have solid evidence of infidelity he would lose in court. The alimony would give you time to keep the house and work on a career for yourself. Any judge would grant it trust me. However if you’re unsure about tossing the relationship and think it’s something you guys could overcome I definitely would at the very least sit down with him and talk about this. In private and get down to the root of what’s going on.
The first thing that needs to be addressed is the fact that you said you want to be “unalive” support needs to be gotten quickly for those feelings! The second thing is confront him with what you’d found. With two children that need additional support there are agencies and funding for you to get that support. If you decided to divorce him he would need to pay child support an alimony especially if he’s cheating and that can be proven life is too short to be living what you have described and there is help out there for you! If your children are disabled and need assistance for daily living they likely have a doctor or some type of agency that’s helping them they can help you as well. Of course this is only my humble opinion but like I said life is too short to live in the sadness that you described
Stay in the the relationship while you emotionally disconnect yourself from him and build upon yourself. Collect the evidence and once you are fully ready (physically, emotionally, and financially), divorce.
Just because your children are disabled does not mean you are stuck!
I left an abusive relationship with an autistic child and even though it was tough I came out on top, talk with your social worker about care options for when you’re at work, then speak to a lawyer, hell start taking some classes in the evenings to prepare yourself for a new career-while you figure out your marriage, there are so many options.
There a TON of “just leave” “POS” on here but we ALLLL know it’s not that easy. Please, for your OWN SANITY, just bring it up. It’ll be ONE of the hardest things you do, but will be the BEST thing you did. You cannot change what you do not acknowledge… best of luck to you friend!!
You dont leave kick his sorry ass out…child support.alimoney just saying
Hunny I am in the same boat I have been with mine since 2005 in 2011 - 2012 he cheated wtih a2 women from another town. then had a motorcycle wreck in 2013 so he was out of business on that end. Up until last year he started talking to one of them again and going to her house and seeing her while I am at work for 12 hour days 5 days a week.he put her number in his phone under another person name when he was in the hospital having his big toe amputated she texted him and bam i recognized the number. He claims that she is his best friend. That there is nothing going on other then friendship. We ourselves have not done nothing since 2012 he claims he can’t do anything. Well the past year and a half they have been texting day and night non stop. He goes over to her house 3 to 4 day a week will stay about 2 hours then come to my house. Its always (her name) this and that. HE has no problem texting her telling her he lvoes her and misses her. I tell him I love him all I get is a mumble I texted him ealier and told him I loved him. I got back he was busy right now. He was mowing our yard. and his moms yard. but when he called me later. he did not mention one time that he loved me nor texted it to me. SO, Yea I know how you feel. I have caught him so many times on FB sexting women and 2 weeks ago he totaled out hsi truck hit a light pole head on. He had went 2 times that aday and seen a hooker. (they had not had a chance to do anything yet) she was needing 20.00 so he had told her that it was not for sex. SO he took the money to her. Come to find out she is a freaking prostitute. she would have had sex with him if he would have to.
Stop telling yourself that your finances are more important than your self respect and boundaries. He broke a boundary, either you want to make the commitment to repair your marriage (and he is willing to do the work to achieve that) or get out. If you leave, get alimony and child support court ordered. It’s better to scrape by than to live with someone who doesn’t respect you.
Talk to a lawyer! Take his house keys without him knowing! Once he leaves for work or whatever throw him some clothes outside! Call him and tell him YOU KNOW and that he can find him some other place to stay until legalities are worked out! Then pray he gets a case of jock itch that lasts a life time!!
File spousal support and child support without him knowing if you go the divorce route sorry
This is why people shouldn’t choose to let someone else take care of them! It is not 1950 ladies stop playing the submissive role!!!
You are likely eligible for a free lawyer based on your income. If not start saving every penny you can without him knowing and pay for one. He will have to pay alimony which will help you get on your feet while looking for a job, also not a bad idea to start a side hustle! Good luck!
Talk to your Man. First and foremost. Even if ZERO tolerance. Maybe try counseling. If he’s not open and willing, you have your answer… get a divorce.
Lawyer. Depends on the state you live, some are no-fault but don’t think for a moment you’re entitled to nothing.
I’m sorry he did this, let alone trolling on your anniversary. Sad for you.
If you’re wanting to stay, counseling for both of you, and most definitely yourself, perhaps?
Or declare a now OPEN marriage since he decided to actively go outside of it… I’d let him think you are entertaining the idea, even if you’re not.
Think about only YOU (and your kiddos) from this moment on and your happiness.
Best of luck. 
If you do the shopping start getting cash back. Doesn’t matter how much at a time but do it. I know a lady who did this because of the same reason. She used the resources available to her and the cash she saved for 6 months. She said it wasn’t an easy 6 months but she smiled like everything was fine while she saved. She had 4 young kids also.
Start taking online courses for a career path. The government should have help since your children are disabled. Don’t let him know you plan to leave and just start getting ready to build a new life. Live off him dime pretending you don’t know until you’re ready to go.
If she lives in a community property state she owns 50% of all money earned since the day they were married, 50% of ALL assets ( homes, vehicles etc.) and 50% of all retirement accounts, maybe even HSA’s. + alimony and child support. DIVORCE!
Catch him 1st. Than kick him out and take him to court for alimony. He will have to pay you and you can continue to stay home with your children.
Collect proof of everything and talk to a lawyer. Don’t let him know. Just because you don’t work doesn’t mean you are to be left with nothing. You’ve provided for him at home and taken care of his kids. That’s a job too. Whatever you own is half yours.
Kick him out and go through court, being in fear is keeping you stuck
Honestly sis, ima cheat back 
start taking out money little by little and saving it for when shit hits the fan and bang get a lawyer
Sorry you are experiencing this.
I think there are 3 options:
- Talk and work it out
- Agree to just have an open marriage and that you will date other people too
- Divorce
My personal choice is #3 but others have made it work with options #1 and #2.
If your children are disabled are you receiving disability for them? Next…if you said he doesn’t have the ability to care for the kids…what does that mean?
You aren’t stuck! Kick his ass out! Prove the infidelity and get help until you get on your feet! Go to the doctor for the way you feel, the kids need you! You do not have to deal with this. You can grow from this and come out so much stronger!