I looked at my husbands search history and I'm sick

My husband and I have been together for almost 20 years now. We have 3 teenage children.
The past few weeks my husband was acting really off. So after some time passes and the feeling staying, I decided to look at his browsing history.
Big mistake.
I found out that not only is he searching for locals to hook up with, but he’s joined apps etc.
We have a zero tolerance policy for this kind of behavior, which he clearly knows and asked the same of me… and yet, here we are…
What do I do?
He’s got all of the signs that he is actively cheating… including searching and joining sites, while he was sitting across from me, on our anniversary a week ago.
The no duh thing is to leave. But I can’t.
I have been a stay at home mom for 18 years so we could afford for him to continue his career… I have nothing.
My kids are also disabled and he has no ability to care for them, but without a place to stay and money to pay the bills, I’m stuck.
I’m stuck with someone who looks me in my face and tells me he loves me but yet is looking to hookup with others…
I want to unalive myself, but my kids need me, so that’s out.
How did I allow myself to get to this point?
What can I do from here on out?


Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I looked at my husbands search history and I'm sick

stay whilst you sort your finances if possible it will make life a LOT easier. it will kill you inside but keep it to yourself for a while. figure out a game plan. then whilst he’s at work pack and leave so there’s no confrontation or drama. leave a letter explaining what you found. take time for yourself to process it and don’t speak to him until you feel you’re able to. it feels like a lot and there’s always a feeling you need to get it off your chest but honestly it’s best to keep it inside and process it yourself first and decide how you want to proceed when you have processed your emotions.

awful news though. good luck


If you’re set on leaving then do all research on benefits etc, get yourself a job and a financial safety net, good solicitor before leaving. My experience is even if you confront and they say they’ll stop 90% of time they’ll continue as you can’t change their behavior, only they can change for them. Good luck


I’m so sorry this has happened to you.

Maybe call him out on it and mention this is a no go zone on both parts… Maybe he will feel embarrassed or ashamed and maybe ask him to leave the home temporarily until you guys sort things out whether that’s work on things or part ways. Sorry that my advice isn’t the best, you and your kids come first x


There will be help and support for you and the children from places I’m sure. You don’t need to stay in a relationship that makes you feel like taking your own life. It’s not healthy for you or the kids.
It’s not acceptable but I think you should definitely talk to him you may find he was just talking (not that it’s ok) and not actually meeting up.

This is so awful, you shouldn’t have to live feeling like you do. I’ve been in your position and it is incredibly hard to leave a relationship that is full of deceit and pain, all you can do is find some counselling and work on yourself, your financial status and then you will find the strength to leave the relationship, once you’re in a clearer headspace and you’ve made a plan. But please know that even though you don’t think you can leave, you can. You deserve better and your children deserve a happy mummy :heart:

Tell him you’ve found evidence of cheating and discuss why he is doing this even when you’ve told each other there is zero tolerance to this behaviour. You guys are a team with your children and have set rules like this to avoid being hurt. He is hurting you and he MUST know this. Do not brush this under the carpet, do not assume he will stop on his own accord and do not let him walk all over you when you’ve provided him children and a loyal marriage. Approach this sensitively… cheating is a problem with THEM not you. Something is missing from his life and has knocked his self confidence so he feels the need to get attention elsewhere. I am very sorry you are going through this, men are mysterious creatures but you need to learn healthy communication. Do not start this conversation shouting, and deescalate if shouting starts.

Talk to citizens advice about what benefits your entitled too.

Talk to your husband and tell him that you know, it’s up to you if you stay but more than likely he’ll just do it again or carry on. I’m sure he can stay with family or friends until he can get himself situated and no offence, that would be his problem, not yours!

Don’t stay with someone who clearly doesn’t appreciate you and doesn’t love you. If you love someone, you wouldn’t go looking elsewhere.

Good luck! You can do this girl :muscle:t3: It’ll be hard at first but you’ll be proud you did it. You deserve better!

Talk… before it’s to late. Talk to him. He may not have cheated he may be thinking about it, he may just feel alone or a little unloved or unattractive and looking for something. The best thing you can do is atleast try and talk about it.

Depends where you are and what divorce is like you may get to stay in the martial home with the kids, maintenance, benefits etc etc theres always an option to leave or end things you dont have to stay in this.

Even if you tell him you know break up and live in the house but seperately while things are sorted

You just need to tell him you know and go from there

Find a job, get state assistance and leave. Don’t allow yourself to feel stuck. You’ll become miserable