Have been there, almost the same situation. 20 years, I left. I was terrified but God made a way. It has been hard but it was the BEST thing I ever did. I am doing better now in EVERY WAY. It will work out for you. Fight the fear, you will find your feet. You will find freedom and peace. 
Leave it gets worse 21+ years my husband cheated she is also married and she left her kids and husband for mine (mother of the year right?) Have self respect it might seem like your world just fell apart but this is just the beginning of a new life for you & your kids.
Speak to him! Sometimes a conversation is all it takes… if all else fails, go out and find what makes you happy while staying in the marriage for the lifestyle. I know it sounds bad but he has been doing it just fine so why can’t you 
First of all, a roaming spouse is extremely hurtful, but no excuse to take your life. You can look for a job, there are many services available for disabled children as well. I would suggest counseling first. They can give you the right tools to confront him, work on your marriage or divorce. Hang in there.
Leave him, stay with family or friends, get alimony and child support. Also with disabled children you ought to be able to get help caring for them which will help you to be able to get out and get a job
Do not leave! Make him leave! Your kids have to have a roof over their heads and if he would even think about u taking them out of their home instead of leaving himself then he’s a total pos. Start planning and looking into all the help u can get, it’s out there but u have to put in the effort to find it. Do u want to stay in a cheating marriage bc it feels too hard and scary to get out? It is hard and scary but this is where u pull every ounce of strength inside u out for yourself and your children. U can do this! Best wishes.
You can get social security disability for your children, as well as EBT. There’s always a will and a way. Talk to a divorce counselor if your strong enough. You can use the info on his phone for your case. Make him pay child support and alimony. Make him pay and THINK of what he’s done to the family!
First get yourself a PAP if you’re 100% he cheated. Hell even if you’re not 100 still get one done. I went through this back in May… messages back n forth, nothing happened 
but still didn’t make my mind any better. He did blow her off twice which is how I found out, she blew up his social media’s 
. Communication is a must. Talk it out before jumping ship.
I don’t know the seriousness of your children’s disabilities but this is where you have to step up unfortunately and get employed. You have rights as a spouse for alimony and child support. Your children probably can get some kind of disability benefit I really don’t know. But don’t disrespect yourself by allowing this behaviour to continue bec you think you’re stuck. That’s never an option.
Tell him you know and that it’s unfair of him that you gave your life up for him to just throw it all away. That you guys are now separated while still living together and that when you can afford to that you and the kids are leaving. Go draw up legal separation papers and start filling out application for housing and disability school for the kids.
Honestly, just take your time. Get yourself a job and child care sat up and save your money, distance yourself as you can and just focus on building you. Build yourself up and then leave with your kids. Rushing out with disabled kids will just make it harder. Its going to suck but it’s better than being stranded
I’m so sorry this happened. This is the worst feeling ever!! And don’t even think about doing anything stupid because of this. Your baby’s need you. Definitely confront him and let him know you ain’t fucken around!! Depending on how he reacts, you’ll have a feeling on what needs to be done. Good luck 
You can get disability for your kids and that might make it to where you can do what you need to do! Im so sorry you’re going through this I went through it with my ex husband and wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy! If you need someone to talk to you can IM me~Jess
I’m so sorry for what your going through, and I hope you get out soon. There’s ways! Also this is very teaching, honestly I could never be a sahm because of shit like this! Nothing to my name, no money of my own. I couldn’t do it.
Tell him he needs to leave. File for divorce and custody of the kids right away. Get alimony and child support. Also, file for disability for the kids and see if your state pays parents to be in home caregivers of disabled children. Keep proof of what he’s doing.
I would drop him like a bad habit. You don’t have to leave; HE DOES. He owes you alimony and child support. Call a lawyer.
Think about whether or not the relationship is even worth saving and if you think it is maybe try marriage counseling or talking to him about your findings and bring the facts and proof to his face in a nice calm manner. If all else fails find someone that is willing to help you get on your feet with the kids.
Talk to ur husband. He’s the one ur in a relationship with. Show him what that means exactly- by going to him when u have a problem so u guys can talk about it. Since he seems to need the reminder. Don’t make any rash decisions. Step one: talk to him. U have no idea any other info besides that search history. Find out actual stuff before assuming and filling in the rest of the blanks with ur imagination, which i guarantee u will have a higher possibility of being worse. Good luck and stay safe. As others have already mentioned, there are resources avail to u should u need them, but don’t start there.
I mean it’s on you on whether you’d trust him not to again-tho you trusted him not to the first time. Therapy is a good idea but it’s not a fix all bc you have to want change and to do the work. Time is irrelevant… only you know what to do.
My advice is a bit different than most… but you now have the “upper hand” with knowledge he doesn’t know you have. Get a lawyer and get some legal advice, and at the same time get your finances organized before you confront him. I would also take half of any savings and ensure it is in your name only, or alternatively that anything withdrawn must have both your signatures thus locking it in. DO NOT TAKE IT ALL - just the half you are entitled too. Get paperwork organized. Make sure you have kids birth certificates and any other legal papers you might need. Have a family member or friend you trust on standby if you need help or a place to temporarily go with your kids. Once YOU are organized I would try and have a conversation and tell him you’re aware of this and it’s not acceptable. Perhaps counseling can help but it sounds like he’s actively looking to cheat. (IMHO I personally wouldn’t stay with him. My history tells me he won’t change - it’s not a one off when he was vulnerable from trauma or something - he is purposeful in his cheating.) Regardless of the choice you might make between working through it or leaving, being prepared, organized and ready is key. I know you’re heartbroken, but this is now the situation you have. Make sure first that you and kids are safe, second that you have access to half of any shared savings, and then you can decide if you want to try and reconcile or if you’re done. I was a stay at home mom with a severely (at the time) disabled child when I caught my hubby cheating. Its not easy, but it is possible to leave. I know it feels like you’re trapped, but really you aren’t! You might need to make some life changes - but that’s the whole point isn’t it? Make this into a positive change and believe in yourself! School might be a great option too! There are many govt programs to help you get on your feet. Good luck to you!
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Leaving is hard. I moved across the country and had to start over. Living with different friends and going through hoops to get my job schedule back on full time. Prayers for you. Don’t stay with a man that hurts you and lies to your face. My two cents
What state do you live in? I know some states will pay you to take care of your child(ren) if they are disabled, if they qualify can you look into that? Do your disabled children qualify for SSI or SSDI ? That could be another source of useful income for you.
I am so sorry your going threw this. Truly hope you can find some help soon. Please reach out and talk with someone, even if it’s strangers on the internet if you really continue to feel like hurting yourself, that’s definitely not the answer. I’m always a message away
You need to try to be calm and smart. Start collecting poof of his cheating. Take pictures of what’s in his cell. Copy files from his computer. Start saving cash. Get groceries and add extra money. You will need money for attorney. Start selling things you don’t need. Go to al non meetings spouses of sex addict spouses You have to get mentally healthy. I lived this for years. I tried talking to him and he said I imagined things. It was always me. I waited for him
To file for a divorce. I had to make him accountable. If I had filed he’d be the poor me she crapped on me. Go to churches and check out Divorce Care classes. You have to get hold of your emotions good luck.
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No you aren’t stuck! I am so sorry you are going through this. Don’t be afraid to make a move on your own. He gave you the ending to this chapter.
There’s more out there for you. You deserve to be happy as well… don’t be scared to go out and explore!!
If you leave, the law is on your side and you can get him for everything and your house is your homestead especially with school age children. Take possession of the house. Sell it. Right now the housing market is booming so you’ll definitely make a profit. Set yourself up with a place you can afford and file for disability for your teenage disabled children. As sole custodian you are eligible for food stamps, cash assistance, therapy, behavioral specialist… you name it. Let this empower you to be a boss in the independent mom game. The hardest part is leaving. You got this
If it was myself I would find a job and get out even if you have to work while he is at work see if there are resources in your area to help with your kids while working such as the schools ect… save up your money and go … you will qualify for spousal support as well seeing you been married long enough speak with an attorney they dont usually charge for a consultation… your peace is way more important than always thinking what is he doing ect… happy mama makes for happy kids in the end
I am so sorry you’re going through this. But you don’t have to leave; he does. He made those decisions knowing full well the consequences. A court would favour you as the main care giver when dividing assets and he will have to pay child support (instruct the CSA if necessary).
If you feel the need or desire to leave, and feel as if things couldn’t be fixed, therapy, counseling, build trust back, etc. then you can and will find that possibility and strength. It may seem impossible due to the financial and home situation but there are resources out there that can help you and your children— living wise and finances
Reinvent yourself. You are not stuck. Start a career. Odds are he will also unmarry himself eventually if he is cheating so blatantly! Find a job. Find a caregiver for the children while u work. They are out there , even for disabilities… actually even more so. Fight your way back. Meaning take your life back
You’re just gonna have to make some changes…get a job, find someone to tend to the kids (we all do it) and leave his ass
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You can get alimony if you haven’t worked in that many years. Spousal support is an option for women who never made a career due to staying home to care for the kids. Plus child support on top of that.
This breaks my heart.That feeling in the pit of your stomach that never goes away once you discover a partner cheating. It’s such a horrible feeling and I don’t understand why anyone would put someone thru it they just need to leave not cheat. You have proof of infidelity that’s huge, take that proof and meet with a lawyer before you even confront him. When you can take extra money out the bank and put it aside. When you are ready and have all the resources set tell him he needs to leave you will have every right to stay in the home. He will have to pay alimony and support I also believe that if your kids are over 18 but disabled he may be held to some support, if not they definitely will qualify for Ssi. If you need food stamps and state assistance you go get it. He is the one in the wrong!! There are some legit work from home jobs, and you probably qualify for a caregiver for your children if you want to pursue a traditional job. Maybe go and take some classes for a career that interests you. Get a Councelor now they will help you navigate this. You will grieve for the 20years you were together so be easy on yourself. There will be times you can’t do anything but lay around and cry that’s ok mama just when your done get up and do what you need to do. Take care of yourself that is the top priority without your health mental and physical you can’t be there for your children. I’m sending so much love to you right now. I have been where you are and it’s a horrible place, but I promise you will come out on top. Please take care and I’m sure most of us if you messaged could be an ear to listen for you:two_hearts:
Please DON’T ACT on the advice here on FB!! Every state has different laws around this issue. If you do decide to leave him or throw him out, get yourself prepared first. Go to your local courthouse and get some legal advice from family law there. START SAVING MONEY TODAY!! That act alone will empower you. Don’t let on to him what you’re doing…but DO!! Good luck:yellow_heart:
I would have “the” conversation and see how it goes. You need to ask him what he thinks. There’s options. But always suit up and screenshot everything and keep it safe and hidden just in case. One thing I learned in divorce classes is always put your relationship first. Sounds crazy at first but it’ll make sense when it finally hits home. There is options. He hasn’t thrown it away until he puts it in another woman. Clearly he is missing something. Figure out what it is and go from there.
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Don’t your kids get disability?? You would get spousal support/ child support girl you will be fine plus because of the kids u get the house
Been there. Done that. Mine has cheated. And I’m still stuck feeling like what did I do wrong? I don’t have any advice because that would be the pot calling the kettle black. But you’re not alone. And you deserve better. Sending you prayers for clarity and guidance
Spousal support child support hud to help u get on your feet and food stamps… This is heart breaking… you do have options. You can do this mama.
I am so sorry:( money he earns is yours as well so get a lawyer and get out. Reach out to any case workers there your special needs children may have, and contact the state to get on assistance until all is worked out.
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People don’t like to hear this, but the most common reason people cheat (men and women) is because they feel disconnected from their spouse and are either scared to admit it, or lack the vocabulary to express it. Try talking openly and honestly about all of it. And try not to approach him from a place of anger, no matter how hurt you are. It won’t solve anything, and cheating is only a symptom of the underlying problems.
Gather proof and get an attorney. There are some attorneys that do service low income, especially with the proof you have. You will get good child support and alimony (depending on your state)
you will also be eligible for welfare and help for any disabilities for your children.
Tell him you know and not to touch you again, because you’re now officially just “friends!” Make him pay in other ways. Don’t be unpleasant. Just start stashing cash for yourself and figure out how you’ll be able to take care of yourself in the future and work in that on his dime. If he wants to be a ho, let him. He will pay in other ways. Don’t let him drag you down with him. You’ve got this, girl! 
good luck
My opinion might differ from the majority. But 20 years is a long time. You’ve both invested into your marriage and each other, even though as of late he’s not. Cheating always has a root issue. I’d talk to him and find out what is going on then seek counseling. No one is perfect and cheating hurts but throwing away a 2 decade marriage without confronting the issue, is a waste. It always requires the cheatee to have to deal with more emotionally to try and save the marriage but talk to him see what he’s feeling and what led to the cheating and work from there. You’d be surprised at how much communication can help. it may be that he won’t want to save the marriage but at least if it ends up coming to divorce you can tell the attorney & judge and even your kids one day, that you tried and he didn’t want to.
Divorce and get alimony. If you’ve been an at home mother for so many years so he can pursue his career the courts will make sure you get help.
Get your kids on disability Medicaid if you haven’t already. Then talk to a pediatric home health agency about getting them qualified for private duty nursing. That way you can get a job and the kids will be in capable hands that is paid for by Medicaid. I would take a few months before leaving, hard as it would be, to save a stash of money to put a deposit on a place to live. It’s tough, but you can do it!
File for divorce, ask for spousal support, child support.
Apply for disability payments for your children.
If there is a will there is a way. You just have to be willing to do what is best for you and your kids.
I’m going to play devils advocate here… a lot of adult sites have affiliated links that start a new tab without clicking on them. Meaning that he may have been watching something & the meet local will show in search history! Maybe talk to him, he may be able to offer explanation. 20years is a long time to consider leaving without at least asking. I appreciate how you must be feeling & am in no way trying to justify anyone’s actions. I just feel that sometimes communication goes a long way. Goodluck xx
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Call him an ignorant slut and tell him that you too have options but you chose to stay with him because of the “rules” but since he broke them it makes sense for you to do the same. (You don’t HAVE to. Just talking shit works sometimes).
You did not allow this to happen. Please do not blame yourself. From what I can tell you have your hands full!
He may just be going through a phase of voyeurism which is no consolation and does not excuse his behavior in any way.
Of course it’s easy for people to prescribe a split which as you say you don’t think is sustainable however you do not want to let this go unchecked either.
Can you get the kids out the house for an evening? Have a open and frank conversation with him. Give him a chance to explain. It won’t make it right but you need to know what’s going on in his head.
If worst comes to worst, ask him to leave the marital home for a while so you can consolidate the damage done. I’m sure it’s easier for him to shack up somewhere than it would be for you to uproot yourself and kids.
Relationships can survive unimaginable sins so while you are hurting, rightfully so, compose yourself, put on your crown and be strong. He only earns the money, you rule the roost. The eggs are not in his basket, they are in yours. I wish you well, I know exactly how you feel. Lost, hurt, disrespected, alone… all this is completely understandable. But take the bull by the horns. You can do those.
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Find a job, start saving money, get evidence of him cheating and get him for child support and spousal support. The I’m stuck excuse is old and no one is really stuck if they really want to let go. I’m sure you can get on government help. Or pretend you never saw that and continue living how u have been.
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First of all your not stuck , so get that out of your head. Being with someone because they are a so called support system, no you got this and once you start it will all fall into place you will see . Don’t never stay and tolerate that kind of behavior because it will repeat . Not unless the both of you are to get canceling. But once that kind trust is broken it’s hard to get past it always be in your mind and you will always be wondering and checking. Not worth it.
The WORST thing you could possibly do is stay together for the kids. You’re being dependent of him. You can get a job,the kids can do to school/daycare/headstart, and maybe find some family to stay with.
It is a hard choice to stay, and a hard choice to leave. Choose your hard.
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Divorce has alimony and disabled kids get SSI and/disability. Your lifestyle will change, but it can be down. Plus I think there’s a new federal program to pay family care givers. Be blunt and honest with him, I’ve been through it 
this is not the time to walk on eggshells 
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Girl you can do it !! Get out of there. File for divorce. Find a passion you love and do it
There are plenty programs to help Support Aid for your kids. Teach them and be that bigger person girl!! If I can do it so can you. Once you leave it will give you more respect for yourself & doing something and standing tall. I wouldn’t put up with that.
If you seen it with your own eyestrain it’s matter of time that he will end up leaving you hun!! Now pack them bags 
and start fresh 
I’d go to the divorce attorney , he kept you at home to be a stay at home wife ,mom . If you feel stuck . Don’t he can pay for you his wife and his. Children. Let him have whatevers left for his hookups . No judge is gonna put up with this. Beings so many mothers disappear. And fathers are later charged .don’t be a victim anymore .be your hero and survive a beautiful life
I worry about this as a stay home mom, watching my hubs build his career. If something happens one day I’ll be at square one… how to find a good job with zero experience. If I were you, finding out he’s trying to cheat would kill my feelings for him also. Maybe 
think about having an open relationship and seeing other people yourself. Or start the plot of how to move on starting small until you can get away permanently.
I’d find a way to document all assets and earnings first (with date stamps). Then I’d call a lawyer and ask for addition suggestions before confronting him. Then I’d confront him and let him know that if he plans to continue that behavior he will lose half of everything he has thanks to the amazing lawyer I would have consulted. Then he gets to decide if he wants to keep doing that shit or straighten his ass out.
Don’t say a thing, accept it, but set yourself up now! Start training/studying/getting your kids ready for life with a single working mum! Save some money even if it’s $20 here and there and when you have everything set up for you and your kids tell him to leave. If he is going to be deceitful for pleasure. You may need to be deceitful to get yourself and your children on your feet and just play along with his lies until you are ready.
You should be able to get child support and half of his 401k. (I think) but like one person said stash money and get a really good attorney and act like you have no idea in the mean time just enjoy doing stuff with your kids and go out yourself and do things for you
This is crazy that I just scrolled upon this because I am currently going threw the same thing with the man that has my heart and soul …we have an 11 yr old son together …he continues to lie about everything all though I have pics of the proof and comments and messages and his nasty ass browsing history also …I have been a stay at home mom and aslo have no where else to go atm. He doesn’t even treat me like a human and is verbally , mentally and has been physically abusive on several occasions and I feel so stupid that I’m still here heart broken over all he has done and continue to do …but tells me I do love you …I come home to you every night blah blah kind b.s… I want to so bad put him threw what he’s doing day and night but I guess 2 wrongs don’t make a right …but ohhhh the satisfaction I could feel if he only happens to scroll along and find that somebody is giving me the attention that he’s is giving too these so called ladies and the nice things he says to them im in shock …honestly …idk what to do either …sorry that you too are going threw this same thing …and I know how bad this makes you feel and i wish that there was magic wand that could make this pain disappear … .so sorry you are also hurting and stuck in the same situation hun …hugs and prayers to you !##
- You can leave.
- He should be the one booted put for infidelity.
- Get support from friends and family.
- Apply for government support and child support.
- Definitely don’t stay in a faithless marriage.
Sorry this has happened to you
About an hour before you confront him pull half of what is in your bank and or savings. Prior to confronting take all your evidence and back it up to a secret email. Pull phone records if you can. And call a lawyer BEFORE you talk to your husband
Without talking to him, you do not have proof he is cheating. He may be looking for someone to cheat with but there is no proof he actually has. I would sit down and talk to him about what you have found and go from there. If you have zero tolerance this behavior, then he needs to move out. Depending on your state, he may have to pay alimony, plus child support. Also your children should get disability benefits too. If you want to try to work it out, start counseling right away.
Communication with him at this point is the first step.
Good luck.
I am heartbroken for you it truly is a horrible situation he has put your family in. What I feel I need to say is before you start talking divorce please talk to your husband.
There is absolutely no excuse for his search history, but you do need to talk about this, how far he has gone? Has he only been looking which is truly bad enough, or has he plunged deeper? The conversation might not be a comfortable one, but if you do not feel you would be unsafe wouldn’t a conversation with your husband of 20 years be a good starting point? Please be safe, look after yourself and your children. There is help out there and you are capable of living without him if you choose/need to.
There’s always a way out, check into housing near you, I had a really nice place let me move in as soon as I got a letter saying I was being hired at a job and rent was only 360 a month, there’s a way, if you can play your cards right and stay long enough to figure things out for you to leave a little better
Keep the house for you and kids. Divorce him and kick him.out he will we you money and you can also get care givers to help you and disability from the state for your children. Get a lawyer asap
First off, that job he has of 18 years he was able to keep because you were a SAHM and homemaker. You have everything he has. Meaning 1/2 of his 401k and other investments made during the marriage.
Tell him to leave your home. YOU DO NOT LEAVE.
You file for divorce if you so choose.
Sit down and make a budget and think of all the things you are good at doing/making.
There are govt assisted programs that you could look in to that can help you and your kids you just need to look it up that way you can have more options mama. I know how being cheated on is, it’s why my sons father isn’t around but stay strong babe! Have you brought it up to him?
if you just can’t leave, confront him about the cheating … see what he saids.
I’m gonna go a bit against my personal beliefs & say hey,
if nothing else, get you a side piece as well. play the game with him.
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Move into a separate area of the house, hold him accountable and work on getting yourself and your kids out, it may take a while but your mental health is worth it.
find a way out.
check with the county you live in for respite for your disabled children/IHSS, day programs.
see if there is an adult school or regional occupational program for classes you can take that will help for employment.
Check resources with your county social services office for housing, employment, day care.
If you feel you and your husband can work through it, try that.
Don’t stay in a bad relationship because you feel stuck.
Idk if you two own your home, if so, sell it and split the money.
If you have to live in an apartment and cut out “wants” and focus on your needs first.
The first two years is probably the hardest but you will get thru it.
Being “alone” is still better than feeling “lonely” in a relationship.
Remember you matter and you deserve to be treated WAY better than this.
You have to be smart, shove your emotions into something…yoga or walking or something. Deep breath….now you are going to develop a leaving plan. Who is a resource person? You’ll start with grocery shopping. Every time you go, buy gift cards to places you will need and get cash out. Stash the cash and cards with your resource person. Start using a strict budget and stash allll the cash you can. Do NOT PUT THIS MONEY INTO AN ACCOUNT! If you do, it will be marital money and can be easily found during the discovery part of a divorce. Work hard to pay off debt and list all of your assets. Gather all of the information you can. If your children are disabled, file for social security for them. Find a low cost attorney who can run the numbers for you. Set a monetary goal and time period, 6 months to a year and once you reach your goal, serve him with papers. DO NOT MOVE OUT OF YOUR HOUSE! Begin to save receipts to determine your ‘standard of living’. Get your nails done, get your hair done, buy the expensive things for yourself. Keep the receipts. This way when you go for alimony, you can provide a higher need level. This is no time to let your emotions take control. Sink his f$cking ship while he is too busy pursuing others to notice!!!
If you feel zero tolerance, he needs to leave. If you are willing, look at counseling as a couple or for yourself. Don’t set yourself up for the loss of your home by leaving first. Contact a Women’s organization that can help you with legal issues first.
- Stack ya bread & leave when you’re ready
- Confront him & go to counseling. 18 yrs is a lot to walk away from
Dont move. You will lose right to house. Make him leave. Get a lawyer. (I moved out and never got a lawyer) file for divorce and dont worry about being the bad guy/the one who ended it. He is no longer committed to you or the marriage.
He goes . You stay. Alimony (and child support depending on ages). If you are caretaker for children because of special needs there are programs state and federal that assist.
Start saving your money
Document everything
Start saving his money
You focus on you and your family.
Live your life without him in the picture.
He’s just the useless broken chair in the corner that you throw a blanket on once in awhile. If it squeaks ignore it until it actually has meaning in your life that brings value to you and yours. You got this.
Stuck…your not stuck dear half of everything is YOURS…there is child support and spousal support as well if you want out get out and find a job and go to the state for assistance as well…YOU NEVER HAVE TO BE STUCK you just have to move smart 
Make him pay alimony and child support. U don’t deserve to be with someone like that. Hes definitely done it longer than u know of if he’s that comfortable with talking to others while ur sitting across from each other. Make his life hell!
Get your ducks in a row, if you want to seperate, before you tell him you know. Have to be strategic. Keep shots of everything even if you dont use them. Hope you the best girl
Stay get as much evidence as you can double copy everything start putting money in your piggy bank & pretend you haven’t found out ask for money all the time say you need it for what ever then when you have enough cash put all the proof on a table & just sit there & watch him crumble then ask him to leave as you are not going anywhere! Make sure you keep a copy remember he is going to deny it all so stay strong mumma you got this you caught the first fish
Do you still love your husband and do you think this is something you can move past through counseling for your family?? Setting some respect lines and some things into place that reassure you that his family is what he wants? These are the questions I asked myself
I see everyone telling you to leave, just kick him to the curb. But I’ve got a question for you. After 20 years of marriage, do you still act like newlyweds? Do you hug him and show him you still in love with him? Do y’all still get intimate ? See a man will go find love if the woman is always in a mood, if she is constantly on him about something. You say you have 3 disabled children, I can’t imagine the stress it puts on you and your husband. I think you and your husband need to rekindle your relationship and remind each other why you got married in the first place . People take for granted the vows that you recited when u got married. Yes I know how it is. My wife cheated on me several times and when she got caught I left . We both decided after I left that we were meant for each other and we started over. Marriage is not easy. Yes it’s easier to just throw up your hands and walk away. But is it really? You have to start over. You will go wild cause you haven’t been free since 17. But in the end you are better off staying and working it out. Make rules. Make time for each other. Just because you have children with disabilities doesn’t mean your life as a couple is over. Find a babysitter, take a weekend to discover each other all over again. Ask questions, get answers. Make love. Don’t be scared to try new things . Don’t be scared to make yourself heard. I’ve been married 36 years and still goin.
U need to find a way out. U need to either start stashing money. Look into local places that can help with your kids disability. Reach out to local resources. I also say confront him. Hopefully u took pics with ur phone of what u saw
Lawyer up!
Even if it means your grocery shopping and taking extra cash each transaction to start your own bank account.
I would document ,document and when you feel like your strong enough to face the monster so it when your ready.
Get a good lawyer
Alimony - Spousal support is the money paid by one spouse to the other after they separate or divorce. The purpose of spousal support is to: … compensate one spouse for being financially disadvantaged during the relationship, for example, if one person stopped working to take care of children.
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You aren’t the one to leave, he is. Tell him to pack his shit and out he goes. Get a lawyer. Alimony and child support. Go enjoy your life girl. You don’t deserve this and neither do the kids.
Consult a divorce attorney about the support options in your state. They can also help you plan for an exit strategy.
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I’m in the same boat. I just caught my husband yesterday. I’m a sahm also with 3 kids. But I saw the conversation and am literally sickened by it. It’s hard to process!
Anything he has earned while married is marital property. You get half. See an attorney.
You are not stuck. You can do this, if “this” is wanting to leave his ass. Print everything, and go to an attorney.
That similar senerio happened to me. I kicked his ass out after 18 years and asked for divorce. YOU HAVE A CHOICE TO LIVE MISERABLY OR TAKE BACK A LIFE YOU DESERVE AND FIND A PERSON THAT CAN RESPECT YOU.
Sign up to the exact same sites as him . Talk to people ,see how it goes . When he finds your profile ( you could make yours to match his ,wants and needs ) to make sure he runs in to yours . Use your real name . Then tell him ,well I guess we date other people now , would you like to take me out on a date ? We can date each other ,or other people . Whatever . You have to act like this is a real possibility . If nothing else ,you’ve gotten straight to the point , without being confrontational . You can ask what he needs ,and tell him what you need . Good luck 
Make a plan. Now that you know, start putting money up. Every single time you swipe your debit card, get cash back. Move small amounts every paycheck to a savings account. Get your ducks in a row and boot him. Get a part time job. You will very likely get spousal support, child support, your children’s disability and the house if you want it and can afford it. It won’t be as easy financially but that’s a choice you’ll have to make.
My boyfriend did the same thing to me after 13 years. I left and I’m doing fine
Nothing changes until something changes. Be strong. Change is scary but staying is worse. You deserve more.
Whatever you do, don’t move out. Make him move out and get a lawyer to ensure he pays for your children to stay in their home. Keep screen shots/pics of everything on an account he doesn’t have access to.
I would get a job and support myself why help a man when they’re not helping you that’s not a marriage fuck that.
What most of ladies have already said, sit down with him and communicate, let him know that you already know what he’s doing, make sure to screenshot and send your self browsing history, so he’s not going back and saying that you’re crazy! Because believe me this happened to me a few times, and they deleted the browsing history, and they accused me of cheating and said I was crazy. So communication definitely! Maybe some marriage counseling? Ask him what may have triggered him to even do this?
I would %100 confront him. Don’t stay trapped in a situation where someone is lying and cheating on you. You could figure it out. But you def can’t just sit on this. Offer to go counseling. My guess is this has been going on longer than just recently. And you deserve the truth