I lost my sons father and haven't cried about it

Almost a month ago my son lost his father . We have known each other for the past 10 years I started dating him when I was 13 im now 22 and we have been on and off since then I have so much love for this man we have always been friends. I still feel like I cannot process what happened I feel like I haven’t grieved like I am supposed to I feel like I can’t cry like I’m supposed to because I just don’t want to believe what has happened. Is something wrong with me ? I feel like im not going through this like I should and it’s all going to hit me one day really hard

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I lost my sons father and haven't cried about it - Mamas Uncut

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Everyone grieves differently. You may still be in shock that this has happened. If it bothers you at all, I would seek counseling.

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Just take your process as it comes, no judgment from yourself or anyone else. Hydrate!! Big hugs

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There’s no way to grieve “correctly” … just be… and continue to love who is here and chrish what was❤️

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However you are going through it is how your supposed to be going through it. There is no playbook for grief.

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Denial is part of the grieving process. Hang in their mama!

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It takes time I cycle through the motions everyday when I lost my father somedays I start to believe he would just walk right through my door

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Everyone goes through the grief stages different. Take it day by day and remember the happy memories. Huge hugs

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Grief comes in stages. It may be beneficial to you to read up on the stages now while it still feels numb so you can better navigate the coming days. Best wishes to you and you son :two_hearts::two_hearts:

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It’s most likely shock. The trigger for the tears will come, just when is the question. Grieve your own way. Don’t let anyone tell you how to do it. Follow your intuition. Please accept my sincere condolences. Maybe some grief counseling for your son would help him with his feelings.

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Nothing wrong at all! I lost my best friend almost 4 years ago and I still have not cried. I’ve always questioned if something was wrong with me as well.

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Your in shock. It’s normal.
Sometimes our brains block out the trauma to avoid the pain. But eventually it. Will. Hit. You. Hard.
Don’t feel guilty for not expressing your feelings the way “others” think you should. Everyone deals with death differently.
Sorry for yours, and your son’s loss. :bouquet:

I lost my daughter’s dad in December after 19 years and I feel the same way… feel free to message me if you need a friend

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Your in shock. Give it time to sink in. Yes, it will hit hard and you will never see it coming. Let it. This is a traumatic event for you. Pray about it as well. God helped me so much in dealing with grief. Don’t let it drag you under when you do. I’m so sorry for your loss. May God bless you with Peace and Comfort.

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My mom died when I was 14 I never cried about it not once I loved her so much she was my mom everybody grieves in different ways there’s nothing wrong with you 

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Awe babe sounds like your still in shock be prepared for the day it will come

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It’s almost kinda like being in shock. It’ll be okay love, everyone processes differently. Stay strong :heart:

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Your body is still in shock. But that is still part or the grief process. When the full realization hits, also know that you are okay with what you are feeling. There are 6 stages and its going to be a Rollercoaster. Giving you all the hugs. So sorry for your loss.

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Everyone handles death and loss differently…there’s no right way or wrong way…plus there’s no time limit on grieving…praying for you at this time :pray:

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It will come when your soul accepts it

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Shock to protect your self. It could be a year or more when it really hits you. Then you will cry . Nothing is wrong with you but your mind protecting you.

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Everyone process death and grief differently and at their own pace. There isn’t a timeline. I’m so sorry for your loss. Hang in there.

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I lost my grandma a few months ago unexpectedly so I understand this. Even now it doesn’t seem real. We all process it differently and you will feel it. When inlost my great grampa I didn’t cry. Then one night years later we were camping and it hit my and I cried and cried. You are probably still in shock and disbelief. I’m so sorry for your loss. Prayers to you both :pray:

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I’m so sorry about your loss You are not alone though my grandma and I were extremely close and when she passed it almost fell as if I was too numb to cry I still haven’t cried however I think about her and it hurts my chest :pleading_face::heart:

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Check out Grief share group if u can!

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Your still probably in shock still. It will hit when it does give yourself time to process it. I’m sorry :disappointed:

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For me… grief is like when a jet plane breaks the sound barrier. The event is like the plane flying by. The first year or so was like the time between seeing the plane and hearing the BOOM. The BOOM for me hits at the end of the first year.

For me the first year was all shock. The second year… that’s the hard one. Year 3 was better and year 4. Then in year 5 I completely forgot about it during an anniversary. Then I fell apart because I felt like a monster because I forgot.

Time. Patience.

Grief for me is like an oyster building a pearl around an irritant. Time. Patience. Discomfort. Years. Pain… still something beautiful in the end

stay x-strong for your son, and also stay x-strong for yourself - u have JESUS looking down on u knowing u can do this ! take extra care for u both -“AMEN”-

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Nothing wrong with you at all. Everyone grieves differently. You don’t have to cry to have loved and miss someone. You know I’m your heart how you feel about this man. Crying doesn’t prove you loved them anymore then if you don’t.

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Be patient, and don’t be hard on yourself

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I didn’t cry for ages when my sister passed, I was in shock now I cry about it all the time

I’ve never lost a spouse or SO but I did lose my brother to suicide in 2018 and I will tell you this there is no right or wrong way to grieve especially when it’s a shock there is no time frame on how long it lasts which is until the day you die and it will come in waves I remember being in pilot mode after laying my brother to rest and then one day out of no where I dropped to my knees and let out a blood curdling scream I finally had come to the realization he was never coming home at the time I was 22 he was 24 we were best friends practically twins we loved each other so much had the best relationship the is nothing wrong with you when your body and mind are ready to grieve for him they will let you know just remember to hold on to your son and to hold on to the ones you love the most

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Firstly, I am so so sorry for your loss :pleading_face: but honey there is no wrong way to grieve. You don’t have to cry to grieve him. I’m sending all the good vibes your way :heart::purple_heart::heart::purple_heart:

This is called denial, a very real step in the grief process.

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Grief counseling might help.

Trust me, I’ve been there. You will grieve on your own time. Your probably being a great mom and being strong for your child. It will come out when you are ready to deal with it.

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Baby girl, you’re still in shock. It’s natural when it’s something big like this.

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if you look up What are the 7 stages of grief? On line this is exactly what you will find you are not broken nothing is wrong with you just part of the process
The 7 stages of grief
Shock and denial. This is a state of disbelief and numbed feelings.
Pain and guilt. …
Anger and bargaining. …
Depression. …
The upward turn. …
Reconstruction and working through. …
Acceptance and hope

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Its shock sweetie. Its comes in waves and you dont notice then it hits…it hits hard. Get yourself a support group.

My baby brother passed away 5 months ago. I still have days when i pick up the phone to try to call him. Then Reality hits in

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I know how it is. My Dad passed away when I was 11 and he was 43. 20 days after our shared birthday. I couldn’t cry because all of my adoptive mother’s family said I had to be strong for her. So I kept it all inside. I stayed outside with my dog, cats, and pony. They all hugged me and comforted me when the adults couldn’t be bothered because they were tied up with my adoptive mother. I didn’t cry until I was 23 years old. I was at the cemetery, by myself, kneeling by my Dad’s grave. I finally felt comfortable enough to grieve. And I haven’t stopped. That was 42 years ago. I’m still grieving. I miss my Dad every day. But I wouldn’t wish him back. He died of cancer and I wouldn’t want him to suffer again. He’s in a better place and I’ll see him again someday. You’ll grieve when you give yourself permission to grieve. Don’t rush it. It will come.

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I know its not a SO but when I lost my dad is didnt cry at first…i was in a very abusive relationship and couldnt process everything like I should of but once I got out of that situation and that first year came it hit and it hit hard…now we are approaching year three and it still comes in waves…theres no time limit on grieving…just do the best you can and when it comes let it happen cry scream do what you have to do to let it out…sending hugs and prayers your way

That’s not uncommon. Personally, I have lost my mom and had to go into care taker mode (dad, my daughter) and then a couple years later lost my sister. I still have yet to really start grieving them - it’s been almost 6 years. I see a therapist and we are working on things.
But it’ll happen when you least expect it and it’ll come in waves - and sometimes grief isn’t text book. It’s going to look different for everyone- some people just don’t cry and that’s FINE. Talk to someone - it helps.

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You are most likely in shock. There is no correct way to grieve. Focus on you and yours and just do your best. It will be hard but your little ones carry his life on.

Just because you haven’t cried doesn’t mean it’s not affecting you. I’m the same way. I get sad when people die but I don’t cry about it. I’m just like…“welp, just the cycle of life”. I grieve in my own way.

We lost our daughter and I was in a strange state of total over bearing grief yet disconnect… our brains stop us in a way to protect ourselves from what we think we can not handle. Just don’t let it keep going that way for to long, or you might not come back. I’m so sorry for your loss mama. Your heart doesn’t know what to feel💔

You are in the denial phase , very common, you will grieve in your own time and way .

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I spent a long time telling myself not to feel because i was literally afraid that once I stayed crying, I’d never stop

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it’s shock…
your heart hasn’t caught up with your brain. your brain understands. prayers :pray:t4:

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When my husband died it took me months to actually cry I really grieved him at 2 years it hit me hard and I cried and cried I thought I’d never stop grieving him that hard
As time goes on it’s not as bad but I think of him often
Take your time take care of yourself and as a widow best advice I can give you is don’t sell anything don’t lend people money- even family
Don’t lend out anything tools or anything
People turn nasty after death

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There’s no right or wrong way to grieve darling. Work through it however you feel is right for you, and if you need help, there are so many options! Grief Share is a great resource as well!

I couldn’t cry when my daughter died. Everyone around me was hysterical and I just couldn’t cry.

It’s gonna hit and it’s gonna hit hard. You’re in shock right now.

It’s denial and it is a stage in the grieving process

Hunni
There is no time limit when it comes to grieving for a loved one
You take your time
We all grieve in our own way and in our own time

I’m so sorry for your loss

Forever in your mind
Forever in your heart
Forever alive

You aren’t wrong. It’ll hit and when it does use your son as momentum to pull yourself out. You’ll need a reason to get out of bed everyday, your child will be your reason. And remember we all grieve differently.

Everyone grieves differently. It may not have fully hit you yet. I’m still waiting for it to truly hit me that my daughter is gone. It’s been 14yrs as of may 4th. I think the fact that it seems so unreal and that we as moms feel like we have to be so strong. We have this hard desire to be absolutely strong and protect our kids in loss. Unfortunately by being so strong and it not hitting us yet that when it does hit us we will really feel every ounce of the grief. Their grief and our own all at once. I know when it hits me about my daughter I’ll break bc it’s been so long and my 3 other kids grief is so substantial. Two of them met her and got to interact with her while the one was born after she was an had passed. These 3 girls love an miss their sister just as much as I. It’s a learning process everyday.

I lost my mom suddenly and unexpectedly 3 years ago, I still have not processed it. I had to be strong for my girls and I had a time line to get the house cleared. So I shoved it as far down as possible. No funeral, and my dad is 3 hrs away. Whom I live 3 hrs away. So I’m going to go with yes it’s normal. Not everyone follows the “stages” of grief. You do it when you are ready.

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It isn’t anything “wrong with you”, I promise. It might be shock and it might just be how you process loss. I know I personally have a delay of sorts if you will when it comes to feeling emotions. I can’t comprehend or process them until way later when they suddenly smack me in the face.

Everybody grieves in their own way and denial is one of the steps of grieving.

I don’t think it’s hit u yet, sorry for your loss

When my little sister died I cryed when I first heard but then I stopped till just a few weeks ago and now something will come up and I will be really sad and cry we all grieve different I feel like I still am she passed in Dec the same day my youngest turned 12

Crying doesn’t equal grieving. You are grieving something entirely huge and new and for your child as well all at once while also being a mom… I think the things that hit me the hardest I cried about the least too.

Please ask for private time to process… maybe therapy if you need it for a while or longer… also, just ask for some help from time to time. Build a support group. You are strong but some things will make you not the same person if you’re still not addressing your own problems and issues.

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Right now you are in denial. Yes, one day it will hit you. Do you have a minister or a super close friend you can talk to or pray with?

Everyone grieves at their own pace, it’s harder for some with children because they believe that they need to be strong for their children which yes that is true but at the same time we also have the right to grieve the ones we’ve lost. Take a day for yourself, see if a family or friend can watch your son fora night or so and just take it all in, it’s definitely hard to believe someone you use to be close with is no longer here as I’ve lost my fair share of friends over the last few years but you need to take the time to grieve in order to come to terms that they are no longer here

Numb and in disbelief yet…

Everyone is different. I lost my dad 5 years ago in September and sometimes I’ll think about it and I’ll be fine and sometimes it’ll really hit and I can’t stop crying or thinking about him

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You aren’t wrong. You’re grieving just not in a way that you’re use to seeing from others/movies/TV. You will most likely cry and it’ll hit once it truly sets in. I was like that when my grandma died. Took me over a week to just allow myself to break down and register everything.

Probably shock, you will cry and grieve. We all do it in our own time and way

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It hasn’t hit you yet…. Find a counselor that can help you along the way.

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Been two years years since I lost my brother and dad in the same year. I often feel guilty because I feel the same way I guess it’s the shock and denial :frowning:

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No, nothing is wrong with you.
The first stage of grief is denial…
I’m sorry for your loss and I hope you’re able to find peace.
Prayers :two_hearts:

My mum died in 2020 I still not cried I don’t think I’ve proper grieved yet it would of been her 64th birthday 29th April still nothing my brother and sisters all crying me stone cold face can’t be healthy I’ve tried to force myself to cry nothing which is funny because I was on dialysis and I cared for her it happened so fast we didn’t know she had cancer by time we found out it were terminal she lasted two weeks from the diagnosis I was there when she past away so was my brother step dad both crying I knew I was in shock my mum used to call me the ice queen or I had a swinging brick for a heart I remember talking to my mum after the diagnosis I said to her I know everyone crying about you being terminal just because I’m not crying doesn’t mean I don’t love you and I don’t care. My mum knew me well I’m not a Cryer I’ve nearly died few times with my kidney disease my mum was crying so was my siblings I just remember thinking what you crying for Im get on with it. I’ve never been emotional, I think when your ready it will happen naturally don’t force it

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My daughter’s father died when she was 6. I had to take the lead in arranging his funeral and saw his dead body in the morgue(in my 20’s) I didn’t cry. I wasn’t sad. It was so delayed, almost like it was happening to someone else. I’ve learned a thing or two about trauma since this and my thoughts are that our bodies protect us from falling apart for our kid’s sake. I’m still not sure, but I completely relate to this scenario. Maybe it’s a form of disassociation? It’s just so odd, I’ve had complete meltdowns over things that were way less important than this.

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It sounds like you’re in shock or in a state of disbelief which is totally normal given what you’ve gone through. That is a huge loss. While you do need to grieve, everyone’s grieving comes at its own time and in it’s own way. As long as you’re not preventing yourself from grieving I wouldn’t worry about it. You will, give yourself time to process it.

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You will remember some think and then cry . It could be song or TV show u love with him . It could be photos. But talk about him to your son show him that you miss him lots get photos out look at the photos. Sorry for your loss hun :pensive:

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Grief is an unusual emotion, everyone grieves differently. Today is the 1 year mark since my daddy passed away. We were so very concerned about our mama, still am. We thought she would have a complete breakdown, she didn’t. Having studied Psychology, I figured when we lose a loved one or friend we automatically go through the 5 stages of grief, that hasn’t been true in my case. The stages of grief are more of a tool that helps to understand why we feel a certain way. Some will experience them all in the order they’re in, some will experience some of them but not all. You are not doing anything wrong by not having cried, feeling like it’s not real is normal as well. We process the loss differently with each person we lose. For example, my best friend passed last year on my birthday. She had been fighting skin cancer for just over 2 years. In this case I was a crying heap of tears and then my gears switched and I thought about how she was no longer suffering. From our experience losing our daddy, the next day our mama in ICU for blood clots, the next day surgery, that night my Uncle, daddy’s only living sibling passed. Our family went from these losses directly into safe mode because we had to take care of mama, funeral arrangements, Mother’s day, and so on. You may be processing this slower in a subconscious way with having this been your sons father. And you’re holding it together for your son. Remember this…there is no 1 specific way to grieve, allow yourself to go through the emotions as they pop up. Your expecting a lot from yourself, I would encourage you to do a couple different things. Get a notebook and write in it whenever something comes up, a memory you recall, things that remind you of him, things you can share with your son. My journaling is nothing fancy, some pages have no rhyme or reason. There are quotes, I jot down things that people have said about working with my daddy, songs that you shared, and whatever you want. I keep it handy and write in in sporadically. The last thing is to talk to your son abut his daddy, age doesn’t matter so long as you’re keeping it at an age appropriate level, he may or may not understand yet, and that’s okay. Wishing you the best, keeping you and your son in my heart and prayers.

I don’t think anything is wrong with you, everybody handles death differently and I don’t think there is any wrong or right way and you’re probably right, it probably will hit you at sometime or another, anyways take care of yourself and if by chance you’re concerned about what other people might think? I wouldn’t worry about it.

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Best advice is don’t rush the grief. Trust me when you’re ready you will let those emotions out.

You have to let your self cry you have to grieve if you hold it in your Heart you will never heal go cry in a room by your self and let it out to god he will give you the answer but don’t hold it in your heart will never heal he will listen be patience I know how you feel us Women are strong for Our kids :heart:

Heres a good group to follow on grief Redirecting...

I think you are frozen, you know you should be feeling grief, feeling something but you can’t. Eating crunchy feeds helps. Sit in a quiet place and breathe deeply and focus on your body beginning with your toes slowly up to the top of your head. Notice how each body part feels as you focus on it. Also, join a support group, see a mental health therapist or a trauma counsellor. Hugs

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Here is another fb group that I enjoy reading others stories

My mom died and I didn’t get to grieve properly so later on It had hit me like a train. And still does. I had alot of unhealthy life situations that life through at me. Wish you the best I. Sending prayers

Grief has no timetable & no specific way it has to be …
Take your time & if need be reach out to a grief specialist & even groups here on fb to help as well :heart:
Best Wishes to you & so very sorry for your loss !!! :pray:t3:

Nothing is wrong with you there will be a time when you realize hes has actually gone then you will break down it takes time to actually grieve and find your inner peace to heal :sparkling_heart:

Grief is a very personal thing and we all do it differently. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Its perfectly normal to have delayed grief and many people don’t cry. Just accept the feelings and work through them as they happen. Always talk to your son about his Dad so that you can both express your feelings and you’ll get through it. Hugs

There is no “right way” to grieve. We lost our baby daughter several years ago. I cried when the Drs came in to tell us she didn’t make it, but immediately after that I stayed in a numb daze for awhile. I would just sit & stare off into nothing. I don’t even remember alot of the week right after we lost her. My grief would & still does come out of nowhere, but lasts very short amounts of time. Something will just trigger me & I’ll bawl my eyes out. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with u & please don’t let anyone make u feel like there is. I’m so very sorry for ur loss :black_heart:

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I lost my 1st husband back in 2016. I cryed maybe 5xs. And then I was alone. Never around ppl. I had ppl telling me I was cold hearted. Didn’t care etc because I wasn’t grieving like other ppl. (We started dating 2002, moved in 2003, married 2004…he passed in 2016) 3 small ievkids together. Yes I was crushed but kept telling myself I had to suck it up for the kids… they needed me… etc. Sweety. Grieve how you need. Nobody is the same.

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It sounds like you are in shock. I was 14 when my mom died i cried when they told me but didnt ugly cry for 6 months- its gonna happen and its totally normal

Grief therapy for both of you.

grief is different for everybody. nothing is wrong with you but seeing a therapist to go through it could help if you want. I’m so sorry youre going through this

It could be that you suffer from childhood PTSD, and guarding your emotions from more severe emotional trauma. Or it might be due to the fact your brain processes that dying is a part of living and happens to us all. As a logical thinker, I don’t cry when others die. In fact, I look at it from a religious perspective and think they are in a better place. These are just suggestions. I’m no psychiatrist.

There is no “right” way to grieve. Grief just is. It takes time. Cry it out with your kid. Be vulnerable with him so he knows it’s ok to be sad. I’m so sorry for both of you. There are tons of support groups for the loss of a loved one, maybe that’s a good place to start

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you say you lost him. Did he die or you guys just ended everything? But either way, everyone does deal with the death of someone they love or like differently, There is no right way or wrong way, If this was the case, you will deal with it in your own way, in your own time. And yes there is therapy if needed

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It takes time to grieve everyone grieves differently some cry some angry some other ways. They’ll be harder days, they’ll be better days but with time it’ll get better. I lost a lot of loved ones in short periods of time and it does be crap but take it one day at a time. You’ll figure out your own grieving process. I was angry and bitter and I cried loads. Wanted answers but didn’t get any, remember it’s okay to not be okay to feel a certain way is okay. It’s understandable when you loose a loved one, hope this helps a little. I had to go to counseling as I wasn’t copping after loosing my father near 8 years ago.

Grief is hard but it sounds like you are in denial, and I’m gonna say its always hard living without your person but he is watching over you both and protecting each of you❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

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There is nothing wrong with you. After my sister passed I didn’t cry for 6 months. Like you I felt like allowing myself to grieve made to real, and I wasn’t ready for it to be real. When the flood gates finally broke I was a wreck for a week. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Still to this day a song, the smell of her favorite perfume, he favorite shows send me right back into stage one of grief.

Everyone grieves differently. I didn’t cry for almost 3 weeks when my sons father was killed bc it didnt seem real. One day when I was at work, it just hit me and I cried for months. I’m so sorry for your loss! :pray:

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