I am the Mother and lost primary custody of my kids to their father seven years ago. It was a nasty custody battle, and he has a lot of money and a good attorney. At the time, I couldn’t afford an attorney, so I was representing myself. (You can imagine how that went). I never LOST custody of them; we’ve always had joint custody; I just became ‘the weekend parent.’ My problem is it’s been seven years, and I still cry almost every day because I miss them so much. When they are with me, I spend a lot of time crying because I know it’s temporary, and I dread Sunday evenings when I take them back to their Dad. Has anyone else gone through this?
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I had the same exact thing happen. It’s so upsetting. Try and keep busy, set yourself up for a 50:50 arrangement by moving closer. It’s hard but hang in there. Mine are now 20,18 and 16.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I lost primary custody of my kids and I miss them: Advice?
Go figure the person with money gets to win. This country is a joke
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You’ll always be there moma…let him spend all his money on them. They deserve it. Quality time 8s better than money…
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Move closer and fight for alternate weeks
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Most of the time a judge will be in favor of the mother unless proof is given otherwise
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What state are you even in? Shoot, in my state, the mother’s usually have primary custody.
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I am sorry you are going through this. I have been going through the same for the past 3 years.
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If the original poster is ready this.please reach out to me. I had the same thing happen to me. Maybe we can share stories and help each other through this. Whoever says mother’s always win is WRONG. Never had a speeding ticket or anything in my life. My ex had a dwi and still got primary custody. I know it’s hard! I had a melt down last night over the same thing.
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Anytime a person goes to court with an attorney they automatically win.its a money thing
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Yes! I am with you! 
I am sorry you are going thru this! It’s hard I am still trying to figure out what to do 
I just don’t understand
stay strong
Your babies know you love them! They love the time you have together. They understand more than we know 
Once you have no valid reason they were taken away from you, you can petition the court for another hearing for custody.
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Fine I’ll be the bad guy…
- Mom’s don’t lose custody like that unless there is something BIG that happened.
- soooo it’s ok for Men who are great father’s to be “Weekend Dad’s” and that’s ok no matter how much they cry and spend crazy amounts of money to get FAIR custody but a mom can’t go through the same thing bc that’s “not fair”
Wow just wow
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As someone who is married to someone who went through this, you gotta take that pain and turn it into power for motivation to do the things the courts say to have your kids more. I wish you the best but you gotta take this into your own hands. Ask for daily video chats, mid week visits, stop by the school in the morning or right after with a special snack or ask for time from Thursday to Monday but you can’t keep letting your emotions take away time that you already have.
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I understand what you are going through and the pain you feel. If you would like you can pm me. I am so sorry you are having to endure this
It’s really all about the money and depending on the state are county. I’m sorry u are going tho this. Maybe try to go back to court and file for alternative weeks?
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Go back to court and try to get more. Just because it’s done once doesn’t mean that’s it for the rest of life, you can always go back and try to get more time.
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Hire a lawyer & take him back to court. Some do payment plans. Once you have custody get child support to pay your lawyer.
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Your depressed,go get help for the depression and try to make the most of your time with them instead of crying while they are there.take hikes,go on picnics,go to a play ground.camp out under the stars in your yard,they will remember that above everything else
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First of all you must get your emotions in check, get some help if necessary. Your time with them is precious and shouldn’t be tainted with you being sad the whole time, it’s not fair to you or your kids! Life is short! Be happy and fun while you have them! I’m sry he got custody but you have let it consume you for SEVEN years! Not healthy at all for your kids or you!
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She didn’t lose custody. Y’all are some nasty witches. I am a nurse. I was told in court that bc of my schedule it would be best for my ex husband to do the week days. I didn’t lose custody but it’s hard to not have my kids here every night. Bc I was primary care giver for years. Women destroying other women is disgusting and I hope to never know any of y’all who are judging.
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File for a modification and request more time. Call pro Bono or see if your area has legal services for low income individuals.
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The court system is unfair the majority of the time! Mud slinging! Usually when a woman is done with the marriage her aim is to remove the father from the lives of the children but will demand support…without the father’s involvement. I have no respect for the courts and or lawyers etc. usually the father is stripped of his children & his livelihood. Yes who wins? Not the children!
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All you can do is go back to court and ask for them to relook at the case.
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After 7 years I’m sure the kids have a clue what’s going on. If you are crying the whole weekend with them then they probably don’t want to come stay. If they have to take care of the sad, depressed mom the whole time the quality of the visit sounds miserable.
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First off ! Stop crying when they are with you… Make memories with them and maybe now you know how their dad would be if he was a week end dad. That said and it might hurt, but start doing things they will always re-memory the thing mom did with them and I’m sure when you say you will be there to pick them up, they know you will.
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Go back to court , don’t cry about it and feel bad for yourself if you aren’t doing anything to fix the situation.
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No my x couldn’t take him anywhere
Go file paperwork and request more time. And continue to… joint means 50/50… you can get them Thursday and Friday. As long as it a good mom with a safe place and Financially able, no drug abuse or alcohol… A judge can say yes. And if not. U can continue to go back to court. And keep going. Every 2 weeks if needed.
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$$$ talks and, yes, I have experienced that.
first of all, crying all the time in front of your kids isn’t good, See a therapist, Second, if they are old enough, depending on where you live, they can chose who they want to live with, But again with you crying all the time, that is not a plus on your side, So again, see a therapist, Spend more time with your kids, File another court date, get a lawyer & see if things can change
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This is why nowadays they generally do a 50/50 split custody each parent gets equal time!!
The women in this group need to stop assuming she is a bad mom just because she didn’t get physical custody! I’m guessing she was coming out of a nasty breakup and the father supported the family and maybe when she got out of the relationship she lost her source of income! So the father got physical custody! That doesn’t make her a bad mom! I’m glad they do things differently now!
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Go to therapy and get your emotions in check. Spending 7 years crying, is not healthy. Spending the time you have with your kids just crying, is not healthy. You need to learn to be grateful for the time you do have and stop wasting it.
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They don’t just take custody from a mom without a good reason. First off, let’s be truthful. You’re obviously leaving something out. What’s the REAL reason your kids were taken?
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You need therapy Bc it’s not good for them to just have mom cry the entire time Bc you aren’t coping. You gotta spend what time you have with them teaching them things, making memories, etc.
I wouldn’t try for more custody until you can get your mental health under control. All they gotta do is talk to the kids and they’re gonna tell everyone that you spend the entire time crying. That’s not healthy and the court will see that.
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Get some mental health help , because not meaning to sound rude i think its damaged u the battle and not seeing kids mon to fri.
Maybe it distance so they do school with him and you have wkend after school may not be suitable cos travel time and wellbeing of the kids travel makes them tired.
Maybe go bk and get some school holiday time chucked in or get a complete review. But check with kids what they want. Custody battles impact children massively, they may be settled have friends and be quite happy where they are and be ok with wkends and school holidays with you.
U do need to sit down with your ex explain u need more and seek legal advice on getting more.
But doo get councilling for that crying. Am sure your kids wld like to see you happy not sad. He cld also use that agasint you in a battle if your always crying.
But get some help mentally and emotionally
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See a doctor for depression. Keep busy. Plan your weekends to enjoy your children. Make the best of the time you have. Try to be happy when your children when they are with you
Love yourself and go seek some counseling. It’s heart crushing to not have ur children and the depth of depression runs horribly deep. See if you can go back to court and change the arrangement to every other week or summers. You won’t know until u ask and act. Good luck. Sending prayers 
It says that she didn’t lose custody, they had joint custody but eventually she became the weekend parent. This sounds like the kids made the choice to not always visit or the visits weren’t great especially if the OP spends the time she has with them crying instead of making positive memories.
IMO- it sounds like joint custody turned into weekend parenting because the kids weren’t being put first, maybe too many excuses to why she couldn’t pick them up was a factor.
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Why not go back to court and ask for every other week as long as you have been consistent with your current visitation and show proof you can support them you would have a chance at getting the time your asking for
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Yeah they don’t just take custody from the mother unless something is really messed up, I’m sorry but there is a lot that’s not being said.
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You NEED to dig deep…deeper than you’ve ever dug into the strength you have inside yourself and stop falling apart in front of your children honey…don’t take this the wrong way, but doing that is showing signs of an inability to put the children’s best interest first! You have very limited time with them and your wasting it bawling your eyes out, think about what thats doing to the children…thats traumatic for a child dude so please, find a way to stop doing that…
Then you might want to look at fixing the very things that were the reasons the children were placed with dad if you want to have any chance of getting them back hun, regardless of wether you agreed with the judges findings their still the ones that make the decision so it will serve you well to work on those things okay…
I know, I really do know how hard and heartbreaking this is and I say all of this with love and the motivation to help you! Most of the other people commenting want to help you too so please be open to the things these people are suggesting.
I wish you the very best of luck and strength with this, but please if nothing else please stop the crying in front of these children…its not appropriate and its working against you xo
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I’m sorry ur going through that and know it’s hard, but please, instead of crying while they’re with u, PLEASE try to cherish every second and make sure they see u smile cause u have them for the unfair little amount of time u do instead of crying cause u know it won’t last long. Good luck and keep ur head up 
Counseling and hire a lawyer to revisit the case.
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Joint custody is split down the middle. You have them for the first part of the week and he have the the rest. Go back to court and ask about splitting the weeks ip
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we technically don’t have a schedule bc it was an amicable split, but their dad makes waaaaay more than I do, and has an easier work schedule so he has them most of the time and it freaking kills me. I feel like the most half ass mom imaginable, like I don’t even deserve the title of mom. It really does a number on my confidence and self esteem. Maybe talk to your ex about having Maybe an extra day every other week or something? Especially now that it’s summer
Be the best mom you can be even if it is just for the weekend. Get yourself right and petition the court for more time.
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Depends if u cleaned up your act from losing custody. If so file to get them back.
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I am going though this and im fighting for custody have been since my sons was 2 days old and will continue to do so.
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Get some help first because crying all the time is gonna bring your mental health into question and will make you become the unfit parent.
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So without knowing the full story… if I assume the best, then the school year made you the weekend parent due to living outside of the district they attended… I hope that’s the case. If I think of other reasons, your inability to cope and lack of treatment for depression could have played a major factor. Get yourself help, be transparent about getting the help when you go back to court and fight for more time with your kids. Relocate if that’s the problem. Either way it seems as though you need to make some changes instead of letting depression run you. Its hard… the battle with depression is brutal, but you can do it with help. Good luck.
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So you’ve had 7 yrs to prove you deserve primary custody- have you changed anything that went against you ? Have you taken him back to court ? May have been a bad decision but have you fought it ?
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1 please learn to keep your emotions in check around your babies. Enjoy the time you do have with them. The sense your feeling and emotional.
2) maybe if your life is better or on track can revisit the judge and request for more time. But make sure your life is better. (proper housing and even employment everything)
Pm me if you need to
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I was in the same situation but not trying to bash but um I worked 2 jobs busting my butt working to save money to pay for an attorney. Yeah it was the high price lawyer he had but I got a decent lawyer and had my hand in the fight. No it wasn’t easy. There were so many days I cried and stressed over losing and being the “weekend parent” but it paid off and we got 50/50 and I still have my child most of the time and his dad and I (including step mom too) now have a great relationship. My question is why has it been 7 years?! You could have spent that time saving money to hire a lawyer and take him back to court to change the arrangement or even get 50/50. I mean that what I would do if “I still cry almost every day because I miss them so much” 
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Once again a post full of hateful, opinionated women who DON’T READ AND COMPREHEND, BEFORE THEY START REPLYING. Some of you ladies make me ashamed. Ugh.
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Do guys understand how much lawyers and the courts cost?!?!? It’s insane. She could be a great mom but has an ex who has a lot of money and could keep taking her back and back. She would have to give up bc she couldn’t afford it. Honestly custody comes down to money. It sucks that it’s like that but that’s how it works.
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Yep went through this a couple years, but eventually went back to court and regained full custody
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If I still had joint custody I wouldn’t have allowed myself to become the weekend parent in the first place. I would have got a second job or moved house done whatever needed to be done to keep them with me in the week. Look at the reasons you are the weekend parent what do you have to change? Move closer if you have to so you can pick them up every day after school do them dinner work with your ex towards a solution that fits both of you. If you cant work together get your shit together n get your ass back in court. Waiting 7 years only shows the courts and him that they made the right decision.
Oh and joint custody is not 50/50. It means you are suppose to agree on things when it comes to the kids. Like playing sports, what school they go, and health care stuff.
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I would go back to court 
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I know the pain. I’ve spent over $13,000. 
This hard cause we have residential primary custody of our 6 one parent was found and proven neglectful and our children had their own lawyer unless you was found guilty by family judge to be unsustainable and you have changed then try to go back if not wait it out until they are old enough to say where they want to be. In my predicament they are better here and safer do to what they have seen and been told
It will never get easier. Ever. Not anyday that goes by. Not weeks. Not months. Not years. We carried these babies in our wombs for nine months. Birthed them. To have them be taken away by the other parent. It’s not healthy. I think it leaves a mother with slight PTSD. Honestly I think joint custody should still be a thing so children in these cases get both parents evenly. And it will never get easier. Ever. All you can do is get a good therapist and reach out to friends and family, know you are not alone. Find things you can do for the time you do have together, arts and crafts, fun things and know you are not alone. Work as much as you can. Stay busy. You are not the only other mother this has happened to. It does happen. Money plays a huge role in everything, including custody of children.
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Yes I have and as heartbreaking and painful as it is the KIDS GROW UP !!! They will always know where they can find mom on their own and you have to be strong to get through the pain things will never be the same but YOUR KIDS WILL COME BACK TO YOU
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Girl I’m literally living this life right now!!!
Has your situation changed in a way you could go back to court and ask for more time? If your capable of having them 50/50 all you have to do is prove that to the judge
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I’m going through this now. He’s using my depression & anxiety diagnosis against me. He’s made it where I have to be supervised & everything goes good for a couple of weeks, then him & his new woman file something within the courts to try & suspend my visitation. I only get them 9-5, Saturday & Sunday, every other week. Recently he filed something else saying I told my youngest that his dad wasn’t the dad, my child is only FIVE! I would never put a child that young through that. He knows I’m coming for full custody & he’s scared to death. He tried a few weeks ago to get my visitation suspended & didn’t win, so now he’s trying anything he can.
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Wow this is heartbreaking
Why not use legal aid? I used and I have full custody even father had more money and paying lawyer. Legal aid have good lawyers
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Ask the Court to modify your order to get more time.
Same thing happened to me but they live across the country
Try to enjoy every minute with your children.
Try to be happy while you have them, I understand it’s hard on you only seeing them for a couple days a week. But you don’t want them feeling like you are sad because they are with you. Enjoy your Weekends Momma.
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Can you try and get them back now ?
If you aren’t going to advocate for yourself nothing will change. And crying the whole time you have your visitation will turn them off and they won’t want to see you at all. Kids needs simple, stability, easy, love and safety.
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No. But it would have killed me I think
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I have been through something similar. I know you are in agony. I know it hurts to breathe at times. Please pull yourself together and be strong in front of the children but don’t ever stop fighting for more time with them. Can you make peace with the father so that he will allow you to visit with them more often?
Y’all realize legal aid isn’t available to everyone right?
Where I live it’s only available for criminal proceedings, the government isn’t going to pay an attorney to help a mom get her kids back…
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Once your children reach a certain age they can chose where they want to live.
I had full primary custody of both my kids . My son was 11 & my daugther was 8. There dad filled joint custody for them ( he had every other weekend and any time we could agree ) rigth before my daugther turn 9 the judge issued a temporary trail of 50/50 every other week . Rigth before my son turned 12 he ruled it stayed that way. I am still not over it and I struggle with them being gone a week at a time . When my lawyer told me they were going to grant him temporary 50/50 custody I LOST IT 
I cried ; I yelled ; I cussed . This momma didnt take it very well at all. For almost 12 years i had them we had a routine , I knew nothing else , I had my son when I was only 16 , my kids were my life the only life I had the only life I knew. I spent a whole year in depression cried all the time . Its your babies it dont get easier . I still cry when they do a new first or hit a new milestone with their dad and I wasnt there to see it .There only little once and when its gone its gone
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Very simple…
Ask what exactly you have to do to regain custody from thru the court system that is except able for your situation and complete everything they ask in a timely manner.
You may have to stop doing certain things or cut back on certain things but I feel like there is always a way it’s just not easy in most cases sadly.
I am not in the same boat and am so sorry you’re going through that. I think it’s ridiculous when the courts give one parent full custody over another when both parents are in the picture and aren’t harmful or anything towards the children. Why not 50/50? And I’ll never understand why a parent would want to take kids away from the other parent (besides for when parents are harmful to the kids)
This is a good lesson for everyone who is sharing custody with a co-parent. I know typically mothers are granted sole physical and joint legal; however how heart breaking for the typical Father’s situation. Share your kids with the other parent, your children will be better humans for it; and they will be loved by more people by being able to build those relationships with that other parent and their family.
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My boyfriend went through this maybe you can go back now that time has passed and at least ask for more time. His order now is that he gets them every other week for a full week in the summer and every other weekend during g the school year but is hoping to go back and ask to keep the order the same for school year as the summer
Another question is do they really want to come back? Even if you could you don’t want to try and force them out of there every day life. It has to be hard either way.
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My best friend had the courts do the same thing to her bc her abusive ex wouldn’t allow her to get a job or go back to school bc it went against his religion so she has a hard time finding a job when she left him and he had a job making 90k+ a year. He ended up killing all 5 of their kids (yours probably won’t do that this man is evil) it goes a lot deeper with them and how the state failed her and her kids. (Sc is a mothers law state and as long as the mother can’t be deemed unfit she gets primary custody and if there is a history of abuse the abuser looses rights automatically)
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Very hard for a mother to lose custody. With my husbands xwife she took off so he got sole & residential custody and she was the non custodial parent
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I’m right there with you. Exact same situation. Only I have sole custody of my youngest. I was literally told that they will have better opportunities with his culture than with mine by the judge. After I raised them for 12 years without him. Money talks. We are all still torn up over it.
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Makes no sense to me. Moms should always have more time with their kids because we birth them.
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Take it back to court and say you want weekdays too. Use an attorney this time.
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Yes, and still fighting! It’s only been three for me, they were taken on blatant lies and false allegations. I have a good attorney now so fingers crossed I’ll get them back. Don’t stop fighting for them!!
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Get a life Girl! Enjoy the time you have with them!
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omg mama, I am so sorry, I cannot imagine. My older kids don’t live with me anymore, although their own choice, it is still heartbreaking. I understand the family court system, it is definitely bias and whoever has the most money gets what they want. Very broken system.
Ask a single dad. I’m sure they can help you.
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SMH this is supposed to be a kinda mammas support page, but all this comments, accusing, bashing and putting down someone that’s already hurting for life’s difficult times is just sad and it makes me to never want to vent here if I went through something. She didn’t say anything about her other aspects of life, how do we know that she doesn’t suffers from a chronic pain disorder that doesn’t allow her to work more than one job (if any) or it could be something else. But just wow just assuming that she’s this that or the other; get off this page if you can’t be kind or if can’t shut your rude opinions to someone who just wanted some encouraging word.
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Take him back to court. Ask for 50/50. Custody agreements are changing and unless there is a major reason on why one parent should have primary custody most courts are changing it to 50/50. Studies show that both parents should have equal parenting time with the children for what’s best for the kids.
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How old are your children? When I was a child and my parents divorced the judge let me and my brother decide. I was 12 and my brother was 9. This was in 1976. We still visited with our Dad when we wanted to.
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I never lost custody of my children, but I am an example of a child from a split marriage such as yours. Money doesn’t matter to a child. It’s quality time that matters and how you respond to your children. Children are not stupid, not do they forget how they are treated and how much time was devoted to their learning process. Been there, done that. Rather than cry when your children are with you, enjoy them. Okay with them. Take them places they would like to go. You didn’t say how old your children are, but you can play with them no matter what the age. Join in their fun times. No more crying
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Go back and get 50/50. You’ll probably never get to the point of full which is okay ,they need their dad too
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