I love my boyfriend very much, but he is very selfish. Everything is always about him and I feel like I’m in the back burner. I do everything and beyond for him, and he does small things for me every once in a while, but normally if it doesn’t benefit him he doesn’t do it. I’ve never received flowers. Nothing for my birthday. We are financially not great, but working on it. I always manage to find a way, but he always says “I don’t have money”. He doesn’t do dishes, clean, or laundry. Every conversation is about him, and he rarely asks me about myself or my day. We have been together for a year and a half and live together. I know he isn’t cheating. Am I asking/expecting too much? And if not, how do I deal with feeling like I’m always in second place to a selfish boyfriend? TIA
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I love my boyfriend but he is selfish: Advice? - Mamas Uncut
Selfish or narcissistic?
For gift giving, that is most likely your love language and not his.
I suggest reading about the different love languages.
And communicating with him…
Do we have the same boyfriend? Lol
If you feel like you deserve better, then you can do better! I’d talk to him about helping out more and changing his attitude but if it doesn’t help, leave. Don’t settle for less than you deserve!
You are definitely not asking for much! That’s the simplicity of a relationship ! It’s supposed to be 50/50! If he isn’t making you happy then talk with him, use communication. If that gets you nowhere then I’d say take a break in the relationship
Why is he even your boyfriend? 
You get a new boyfriend
Sounds narcissistic. I would begin to question if you actually want to be with him and why.
soo…what do you love about him?
Trust me it does not better after marriage so think about is this what you want for the rest of your life
Sounds like the douche bag i was with for eight years it dont get better so get out now…
That’s narcissism and unfortunately you can’t fix it. Your control is in staying and accepting it or leaving.
Stop calling him your boyfriend. He’s a lazy roommate with minimal benefits. Find yourself someone better, if you think you deserve more.
If you stay you must have like the way he treated you
It won’t change, get out now
Why are you still with him? He will never change.
You’re A Good Mommy.To Your Boy Don’t Let Anyone Tell You Different.
Men don’t change just because you get together. He must have shown signs of this when you met him. This is probably the real him. You can ask him “what’s up”, but I don’t think you’ll get the answer you’re looking for. Better to move on now. Don’t waste your youth and your life.
I am going through a divorce because I married a man like this. He literally makes everything about him. It has only got worse tbh.
I would try to communicate with him about how you feel.
Love yourself MORE. Let him go
That’s who he is, you can either choose to accept it and stay together (if you do don’t have children it will only get worse) or you can leave to heal from the relationship and then move on to find someone to treat you the way you want to be treated.
Communication is key. It’s ok to look at someone and say I need this out of a relationship.
If he wanted to, he would.
I plead for you to leave. You think you got it bad now…just wait until there is a child involved. Do yourself a favor…just dont date men. I have a great one, even he annoys the living crap out of me. Now im 33, I just wish I could be a single woman, spinster thank god im not married… I just am waiting for the perfect opportunity to leave, with cash in my bank.
I do the cleaning, the laundry, the dishes in our household. Grew up where the wife does those things. BUT my husband will help, he thinks about me, we talk about each others day and spend time together. There was a time where my husband was home early everyday from work, so he did the cooking. It’s teamwork. If you feel like you’re being taken for granted, then talk to him, or leave. Things will continue to stay the same if nothing is done.
You need to leave him. If it’s only been a year and a half and your this unhappy it’s time to go
You feed the monster if you’re doing everything for him. Try ignoring his laundry, meals, hygiene needs and anything he leaves lying around. When he starts a conversation about himself get up and leave the room or turn the TV on and ignore him. See how he responds if you’re not enabling him; does he take up the slack or become resentful? Possibly he enjoys being the center of attention or possibly he accepts that role. Regardless, you have to decide what you want from the relationship and stay or go.
I think you need to set your standards higher. It’s ok to want more
Read what you have written back to yourself…than leave.
He is a narccist and you need to leave because it ALWAYS gets worse and you will NEVER fix him. He will destroy your very being if you let him. My daughter personally went through it.
By staying with him you are putting yourself on the back burner. Don’t do it.
You leave. Plain and simple. This is not something that you just have to “learn to live with” You’re better than that and deserve someone who values you as much as you value them. Never sell yourself short.
This sounds like narcissistic behavior!!
That’s an easy one. You get a better boyfriend. He sounds like a douche.
You deserve better. Run its not going to get better.
Girl you more like this man mother than girlfriend. He’s freeloading off you
That won’t change! I would move on
Simple…find a new boyfriend that worships the ground you walk on…thank me later
And you “LOVE” this person why exactly??
So kick him to the curb
Get out now. You’ve allowed it and he won’t change once married or kids ECT… It will only get worse. You’ll have tenfold the amount of stuff to do and nobody will help you. And then your children will learn that that’s how our relationship works. No relationship is perfect and a lot of times after a while people let their guard down and don’t do quite as much but you guys are early on the relationship and it’s already this bad. You need to be single and start to worry about yourself and feel good about yourself. Do things that improve your lifestyle whatever that may be, getting a better job or exercising or taking up the hobby and try to improve yourself worth and you’ll attract people that value you hire. In early on in the relationship make sure that people meet your expectations. Be the kind and thoughtful generous person that you are and if you don’t feel it in return call it quits early. And I feel like it can be so hard to break up with somebody after two years and you feel like you wasted that time but you have to view it as a lesson learned. And do you want to waste 2 years or do you always five? Seven? 15 years? Caught your losses start making a plan to move out or have him move out. If you can acquire a place to live on your own without him and then you can just leave that would be even better. It sounds like if you asked him to leave he would drag his feet. Don’t waste any time. Please take it from somebody who has given up countless years to people that did not treat me the way I deserved.
BOYFRIEND. Stop doing wifely duties for a boyfriend.
He won’t change - it’s all about him
Make him do dishes, clean, laundry etc. if you’re always doing them, and don’t say anything, he’s going to keep not doing it.
Stop doing everything. Do your laundry and not his. You’re not his mother. If he wants that let him go get it some place else
Then move on or stop doing stuff
Your boyfriend has shown you
who he really is …
BELIEVE HIM THE FIRST TIME
It’s really up to you now to decide what kind of life you
want. You can’t change him ever for this is who he is. Please don’t leave the key to your happiness in someone elses pocket. Life goes by Faster than you Think Don’t Blink!
Even out the energy. STOP doing for him. If that’s not who you are, time to move on.
Narcissist! Run fast!
He’s not going to change. Probably get worse…talk to him see what his reaction is. If he throws a fit then get out now…
So you no what is going on…you say it right here…It’s what you want to put up with…YOU ARE NUMBER 1…
I would leave now before you have children, I was with a man(boy) for over 20 yrs,he is still just like your boyfriend, I feel like I have missed out on so much! RUN BEFORE ITS TO LATE,HE WANT CHANGE
Please respect yourself and move on. I didn’t even have to read your whole post… You’re being used
Happy Birthday Ajoke! May God continue to bless you with many more wonderful years!
My ex husband was the same way except he refused to work too. We were married 15years, this is the exact reason why we are no longer married.
He was a lazy pos and he knew I would take care of everything so he wouldn’t do it.
I stopped doing laundry, dishes, any cleaning. I would only make enough dinner for my daughter and I, I stopped grocery shopping for him, stopped paying his bills or for his chew and doctors appointments, stopping paying his phone and car insurance. I changed the passwords to the Netflix and Hulu so he couldn’t use them.
Lastly I took our daughter and moved into my moms and I stopped paying the rent and electricity.
I was paying for everything and doing everything so I figured I’d take it all away.
Why are you still there?
You don’t have a boyfriend, you are raising his mother’s child
It’s only been a year. Ehhh he’s not that person probably find someone who is. Someone who gives the energy you do. If it’s already like that after a year and a half it’s porbsbly gonna remain like that
Girl, Run. There is so much better out there, I had an ex like this when I was a lot younger, he was so selfish and incredibly tight with his money it was always my shout, he was lazy and useless and basically expected me to pick up where his mother left off, happy to say I’ve been in a beautiful relationship with my now husband for 16 years who treats me like a queen! You deserve this too! One day you’ll realise that he was purely in your life to realise exactly what you don’t want! 
Quit doing it all!!! Flat out tell him to shape up or you’re shipping out!
You shouldn’t. You’re needs aren’t being met and you are accepting things that aren’t making you happy. I’d try to share how you feel and think about separating and hope he will help and step up and be your partner before you separate permanently.
Why did you stay so long? I could never understand these scenarios. He was always selfish so from the jump you should have chosen you. Are you willing to live with this for the next 1.5 yrs?
Leave him and get a man who cares about someone other than himself! He won’t change and it will only get worse and you will only grow more resentful, especially if/once you have kids. You deserve someone to love you more than they love themselves WITHOUT ASKING.
It’s only been a year and he is doing this already. I think you answer your own question. Move on. If you don’t, take a break and see how things are separately. But in my opinion I would just move on.
Do you want this to be your life forever? Or even when you have kids? Love doesn’t make a partner good for your life.
I married a guy like that, don’t make the same mistake. Run! It will never get any better.
Dumb them, move on. You don’t want to live your life forever like this, it’s not okay.
And why do you love him??
Your not asking to much, but he will never change
Please do yourself a favor and move on. I’m not saying he won’t change but usually it doesn’t get any better.
Make yourself number one in your life. If you keep doing everything for him, you may start to resent him. He’s a big boy that can do for himself.
There is a message in the way someone treats you. You deserve better. Don’t let more time pass being treated so poorly
All of this is a big red flag. Do you really want to feel like you’re always 2nd best? You deserve someone who appreciates what you do and them doing for you too.
If he wanted to he would. Also, there’s a man out there who would.
Why do you love this boy?
You’re dating a narcissist hun. Leave while you can. You deserve someone to treat you so much better.
Listen! Stop doing wife duties at girlfriend prices! Get out of that relationship….it only gets worse as time goes on. What he won’t do …. Another man will!
Give him an ultimatum he changes or you go…end of
Bye sir bye!! If you don’t feel value walk away why do that to yourself ??
Listen I’m just going to say that if you don’t set healthy boundaries with this guy it will get worse. And if he doesn’t like the boundaries you have to decide if you love yourself more than him.
People don’t change.
If you truly feel you are in a one-way relationship you should end it. Life is too short with no guarantee of tomorrow to live that way. He is not a mate but a manipulative self-centered man. You would be happier alone!
Been there, done that. It won’t change. So if you aren’t happy, leave. I did. He o ly worried about his car, body building pills, the gym and money. And when he didn’t pay the rent with money I gave him and we got evicted, I left. Best decision I ever made. Then met my now husband and couldn’t be happier.
Sounds like he got too comfortable with you tell him to start helping out with chores and to start putting you before himself or it’s over
Well what you have right now is a child. So ask yourself if you really want to take care of a giant man child forever, or ask about therapy?
Based off the little we have, he doesn’t seem like he’d be super open to a heart to heart with you, without immediately blaming you somehow.
Stop being his mother🤦♀️ make him clean up after himself. Don’t do his dishes, don’t do his laundry, don’t cook him dinner. He’s a grown man and he’s taking advantage of you. Doesn’t even get you a small gift for your birthday? Nah stop doing everything and anything for him.
Don’t waste anymore of your life. Run.
Get out of this relationship before you add kids to the mix. He’s way too entitled for someone who doesn’t pull his weight. You can do better and you deserve better.
What’s the reason of you loving him?, I think…it’s not bout him … it’s bout you , you have option but you chose to stay …wake up
Start with telling him what you posted here. Tell him you feel like that, tell him it’s not working for you. Ask him can y’all together come up with a solution. If not, leave.
Have you told him how you feel?
You don’t “deal with it” you dump him and find someone better suited for you. Why are you even asking something like this??? Do you wanna be miserable your whole relationship?? Leave him before children get involved.
Sounds like my boyfriend lmao kidding lol mine cleans at least 
half ass clean but still cleans 
Kick him to the curve
Throw the whole dude out - LBVS
If you are asking yourself these questions, you aren’t getting what you want. Your needs aren’t getting met. You are asking the wrong person to give you a reciprocal relationship. Don’t be his mother and continue to do his chores. That’s what he wants a maid or a mother. He’s not the right partner.
This sounds like I could have written this…
I’m literally over the lack of a relationship, 
kick him out now before its 15 years down the road, and your depressed asf.