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QUESTION:
"I'm a married woman to a wonderful man , but developed feelings for a girlfriend years ago. From what I know she was gay before we met & always told me she was stepping away from that lifestyle due to new religious beliefs. Suddenly somehow I developed feelings for her. Our friendship ended. From what I observe lately is she is all into Jesus talk and straight. I want to talk to her to apologize for how our friendship ended, but in reality, I think I have still the same feelings for her. I tried reaching out to her then she blocked me. How do I forget her, no matter how much I try I kept going to her in my head. I don’t know if I talked to her about getting closure, but she ignores then blocked me. No offense to religion I can’t believe she changed so much that she is all against who she was. I miss her in my life as a friend but know I am afraid of what I feel like when I think of her too. So much unresolved & she won’t talk to me. I need to get closure on it & move on. Sometimes I feel like I hate her only because I think I am in love with her while she wants nothing to do with me now."
TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"You are already married so move on. She clearly doesn’t want to have anything to do with you. So her blocking you will make you move on faster. Just focus on your husband and marriage. Things will get better"
"Let it go. Respect her wishes for you to not contact her."
"You should probably work on your current relationship and loving the man you are with or let him find someone who does love him!"
"Closure is not a real thing. It’s an excuse to not move on. The fact that you are married, but hung up on someone else, is not fair to your spouse. Move on and focus on your marriage or leave him because no one deserves that."
"I would start by talking to your husband. That’s pretty unfair to him. Sometimes we just don’t get closure and you have to accept that chapter in her life is closed. I’m sure it sucks but unfortunately, it sounds like she just doesn’t wanna talk."
"You don’t need to talk to her to get closure. You just have to make the decision that you’re done feeling this way. After the decision, comes the hard part, the work. Block her on everything and get rid of everything that reminds you of her. Then wait. Be patient. Give yourself time. This is what’s hardest, but I promise you, if you don’t feed it, it will die a natural death."
"Not to sound too mean or anything but…LET IT GO. If you messaged her and she blocked you she obviously doesn’t want to talk to you and you kinda sound obsessed with her and not in a good way. The feeling isn’t mutual so leave her alone."
"Respect your husband first and save him the heartache by leaving if you want somebody else. Also, respect her change and growth as a person and move on. Apparently, neither of them are meant for you so it’s okay to find somebody else."
"Stop yourself, sister! Her boundary is clear. Some situations end without closure. Your feelings, at this point in time, are not reciprocated. Her blocking you should be all you need to know. Explore the feelings she brought out in you- learn more about yourself and go from there."
"Take it as a blessing. Everything happens for a reason. Whether she did it for her or you or for both reasons, it’s time to focus on the “wonderful man” you have. Stop letting it consume your days. She clearly would like to be left alone."
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